Unchanging Skies /// Akame /// Oneshot Part 4
Title: Unchanging Skies
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: It's the memory of a summer with fifteen, a love when they were sixteen that connects them for the rest of their lives. It's that whispered promise they made, before they said goodbye. It's those unchanging skies that make them unable to forget about each other.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I lived in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
Continues from here.
Jin looked at the photo in his hand and sighed slightly.
His tour had started a few days ago and he would give several concerts in Tokyo; exclusive gigs for his fan club.
He put the photo aside and got up, approaching the door. The gig would start in a few minutes and he couldn’t stay all on his own any longer.
After he had bought the painting, he had looked up that photo of him and Kazuya. It had been taken shortly before Jin had left and showed them on Valentine’s Day. Knowing Jin would leave in ten days, they had gone to Tomakumai and had spent the day together.
Remembering those days, Jin didn’t feel well at all. He wanted to lock up himself at home and sort out his mind instead of going out there. But Jin didn’t really have a choice.
He stopped, as the door opened, before he could reach it and stared at Yamashita, who came walking in with a bright smile.
“Hey, Jin”, he said and greeted him with a gesture of his hand. “I was around and thought I’d say hello, before you go out there.”
Jin smiled back. “Thanks. I’m happy you came.”
Yamashita had become famous a few years after Jin and ever since they had met first, they had been friends.
“Why don’t you stay and watch the concert?” Jin walked over to a small fridge and got out a soda.
“I’d like to”, Yamashita answered, “but I have a meeting in an hour.” He took the soda and leaned against the table. He spotted the photo and frowned. “Is that you?”
Jin turned and saw him looking at the picture. “Ah, that’s old”, he mumbled, trying not to show his embarrassment. He had never intended for anyone to see any of those pictures with Kazuya.
“That guy”, Yamashita said and frowned, before he nipped his soda. “He looks familiar.”
Jin laughed gently. “Impossible. He’s been a friend of mine in middle school.”
“I know!” Yamashita raised his head to look at Jin. “He looks a bit like that guy a friend of mine introduced me to a while ago. But they probably just look a bit alike.”
Jin smiled gently and took the photo from Yamashita’s hand. “Yeah, probably.”
Someone knocked at the door and peeked in then. “Akanishi-san, we need you backstage.”
Jin nodded, before he looked back at Yamashita. “Thanks for dropping by”, he said. “We could go out for dinner sometime soon.”
Yamashita put down the soda and got to the door, following Jin. “Sure. Have fun and call me, whenever you’re free.”
Jin waved his hand, before he went the other way and approached a staff member.
The photo disappeared into the pocket of jeans.
A few nights later, when Kazuya came home, he opened a bottle of Whiskey and had a glass, before he got to his bedroom and opened one of his drawers.
Far beneath a lot of other things, he had placed the small box Jin had given him for his seventeenth birthday.
Kazuya had never opened it.
Today, though, he felt that it was the right moment to open up the box and find out, what Jin had given him.
Jin was still thinking of those days, too. He had bought that picture. The picture of that sunset, of that golden view they had shared together on that evening, before they had had their first kiss.
Jin had not forgotten about it, either.
Kazuya placed the glass on his dresser and carefully opened the ribbon. Then, he lifted the top and looked inside.
There was just a simple stone and a small piece of paper, folded into the box.
Kazuya laughed slightly and looked at the plain stone. It was small and light in his hand and there really was nothing special about it, just as Jin had said it.
Then, Kazuya unfolded the piece of paper and looked at Jin’s untidy handwriting.
It’s a stone from the shore of the island. I took it back then, as a memory of that summer. Take care of it and don’t forget about its meaning.
Jin
Kazuya stared at it for a little longer, before he started laughing.
That was just so typically Jin. To take a souvenir from that place to remember the day they had become a couple.
He had always been the one to do things like that, while Kazuya hadn’t. In the end, he hadn’t even had a single photo of him and Jin together, while Jin had taken a million photos.
Kazuya remembered that Jin had had a board in his room, where he had pinned all those pictures.
He wondered, what had happened to those Jin had taken of them as a couple. If he still had them?
Kazuya put the box with the stone away and made his way back into his living room.
He checked his mobile and noticed he had four missed calls from Nakamaru. Frowning, he called back.
“Kamenashi”, Nakamaru said and sounded cheerful. “Thanks for your hard work.”
“You, too”, Kazuya said. “What do you need?”
“Do you have time? I would like to meet you, if you can.”
Kazuya frowned deeper. “Tonight?”
“Yes, there’s somewhere I’d like to take you”, Nakamaru answered cheerfully.
“Okay”, Kazuya said. He would only sit here and drink, thinking about a stupid stone, if he didn’t take that offer now.
Nakamaru told him, where they’d meet and Kazuya noted it on a piece of paper, before he hung up. He changed quickly and was on his way just ten minutes later.
As he reached the place, Kazuya looked around and spotted Nakamaru. He approached him and greeted him with a wave of his hand.
“I’m happy you could make it.” Nakamaru gestured for Kazuya to follow him.
Kazuya looked up and frowned, as Nakamaru guided him to the back of a huge hall. “Is this a club?”
Nakamaru nodded. “Something like that.”
Kazuya saw the poster, as he walked in and stopped. “What’s this?”
Turning, Nakamaru smiled. “You put so much effort for the flat, I thought you would like a little payback and get to know your costumer.”
Kazuya felt his heartbeat speed up. “Does he know I’m here?”
Nakamaru frowned and held open a door. “No. Why?”
“I’m leaving again”, Kazuya just said. “This is not a good idea.”
“It’s just a concert, Kamenashi. You can watch it for free, and if you don’t want to meet him, then, you won’t have to.”
Kazuya nodded. “Yeah, okay. I just really…”
“Yuichi, is that you?”
Jin walked through the door Nakamaru held and quickly glanced at Kazuya, giving him a nod, before he looked at his assistant again.
“Someone of the staff was looking for you. They want to know something about the setlist and don’t believe me. As if I wouldn’t know what songs I’m playing tonight”, he mumbled and shrugged.
Nakamaru threw a look from him to Kazuya and back. “I’ll go see them in a minute.”
Jin nodded and turned, before he disappeared again.
Kazuya stared at the spot and felt his hands start to tremble. They were cold and he felt like all blood had rushed from his head down to his knees.
Whenever he had thought his heart had skipped a beat, he had been dead wrong. Now, he knew what it felt like, when his heart just stopped beating.
Jin had stood right there in front of him, he had looked over, had looked at Kazuya.
Jin had not recognised him.
Nakamaru bit his lip and closed the door again.
“I guess, I better leave”, Kazuya said, trying to control his voice.
“Watch the concert”, Nakamaru said. “Just stay somewhere in the back row and watch him.”
Kazuya managed a smile. “I don’t think I want that right now.”
Nakamaru nodded, before he pulled something out of the pocket of his jacket. “Take this. Should you want to come back in, you can use it. Okay?”
Kazuya took the pass and looked at it briefly, before he slipped it into the back pocket of his jeans. “Thanks.”
He turned and as soon as he had closed the door behind himself, his knees gave in and he slid down the wall.
He should have known, Kazuya thought. All these years he had told himself that he was over that past, that he was over Jin.
But he had been wrong, all these years. He had lied to himself, because it still hurt.
Jin had not recognised him.
Inside, Jin opened a pack of crisps and looked up, as Nakamaru came inside.
“By the way, you can get into the new flat tomorrow, it’s finished”, Nakamaru said.
Jin blinked his eyes once. “Wow, that was quick. Okay, I’ll look at it tomorrow.”
Nakamaru shot a look at him. “The interior designer was pretty amazed by the painting you’ve chosen.”
“Hm”, Jin said and ate some more crisps. “It’s a pretty place.”
“He said, he’s been there, too.”
Jin looked up and frowned. “I doubt that. Only locals know that place.”
Nakamaru nodded and shrugged. “Well, if you say so.” He looked to the door, as a staff member knocked and then, came in.
“Akanishi-san, you have to come on stage.”
Jin nodded and clapped his hands, as he got up, to clean them off. He grabbed a bottle of water and approached the door.
“Jin”, Nakamaru said and waited, until Jin looked at him again. “That place in the painting”, he said again. “Have you been there with someone?”
Jin stared at him for a moment. What was that question? How did he know? “What is that about?”
“It looks like a place you would go to with a lover.”
Jin kept staring at him. “Yeah, it does”, he just said. “It’s probably just because I’m a romanticist.”
Nakamaru smiled slightly. “So, a place you would take a lover.”
“You’re asking quite some strange things today”, Jin noticed and left the room.
He walked down the floor and sipped from his water.
How had Nakamaru found out that the place in the painting held memories for Jin? How could have figured out that it was about a lover?
Jin frowned and put the bottle down, before someone gave him a microphone. This would be a small concert for just about hundred people who had won their tickets in a show.
Jin went on stage and enjoyed the rather quiet applause. He liked concerts like these, with just a few people. On these occasions, he could talk to his fans and everything just had a rather relaxed atmosphere.
He smiled, as he sat down on a stool.
“Thank you for coming”, Jin said. “I’ll give an unplugged concert tonight and I hope you guys will like it.”
He looked over to the pianist and nodded, gesturing him to start playing.
It was enjoyable for him, too. Most of the songs he sang that night were ballads, a few accompanied by the piano, a few by guitar, others, he sang a cappella.
His songs were all pop or r’n’b, so Jin enjoyed singing them this way - without all the show and the dance parts.
It was just about his voice; just about the songs he was singing.
It was like back then, when he had been still home and he had sat under the large tree on that small hill with Kazuya. They had leaned against the thick log, it had been summer and they had seeked shadow beneath the leaves of the tree.
Jin had sang for him, had just sat next to Kazuya and had sang, while he had played with Jin’s fingers, had pressed his lips to them.
Kazuya had been his best audience so far. He had not commented everything Jin had sang for him, but he had always listened and it had only needed a look at him for Jin to know that he enjoyed it. It had only taken those gestures of Kazuya taking Jin’s hand, lacing his fingers with Jin’s, to show that he appreciated every tone.
He wanted to do it again.
Jin wanted to go back someday and sit together with Kazuya; sing him a song and have Kazuya listen and return the favour by showing his love.
One day, when he wouldn’t need the flashlights and stages anymore, he wanted to return to a place like that.
And to Kazuya.
Jin had his hands in his pockets, as he waited for Nakamaru to open up the door to his flat.
It was quite early in the morning and he felt still tired. He’d have a magazine shooting later on tonight and right now, he didn’t feel like it, at all.
Nakamaru had called and said he would pick Jin up to show him the flat; so, Jin had not really had a chance but to tag along.
“If everything is like the concept, then, it should be fine”, Jin said now. “I really have no idea why I couldn’t have a look sometime after that shooting.”
“Because I won’t have time after that shooting”, Nakamaru just said, as they walked up the stairs.
“It’s not like I wasn’t capable of using a key to open a door myself.”
Nakamaru just rolled his eyes. “Get in and stop complaining.”
Jin walked ahead and stared through the floor. It had a yellowish colour and right next to the door, there was a cupboard in dark brown. He went into the first room and remained standing in the kitchen for a while
It was modern, Jin thought and at the same time didn’t seem didn’t feel cold, but very welcoming.
In Jin’s mind, the kitchen was the room of the family. At home, he had always sat with his family in the kitchen, whenever they had something important to discuss or tell each other.
This kitchen had a huge window that let in the sunlight. The walls were off-white, the cupboards had a reddish-brown colour. In the middle of the room, there was a table in the same colour with four chairs.
Jin just nodded and left the room to get into the next. Nakamaru followed him from one room to the other without any word.
As Jin reached the last, he smiled, as he saw the painting at the wall.
“It fits perfectly”, Jin said and turned to Nakamaru. “The painting fits perfectly in here.”
Nakamaru nodded. “The whole thing turned out pretty nice.”
“I like it”, Jin said. “I liked the concept, but this is amazing. It reminds me of…” Jin stopped and frowned slightly, his look going back to the painting.
“Of?” Nakamaru tilted his head.
“Doesn’t matter”, Jin said and ran a hand over the smooth wood of the working des. His eye was caught by something and he rounded it.
For a moment, Jin just stared at it, then, he reached out and took it into his hand.
It was light and cold in his hand and he looked back at the painting.
“How did this get in here?”
Nakamaru gave him an asking look, before he noticed the stone in Jin’s hand. “Oh, that stone? No idea, it was probably left? Just throw it out, it’s…”
“No”, Jin said and approached Nakamaru. “Who left it here?”
Nakamaru looked confused and shrugged. “I have no idea. Probably Kamenashi.”
Jin lowered his hand and stared unbelievingly at Nakamaru. “Kame”, he said quietly. “What was he doing here?”
Nakamaru laughed slightly. “So, you do remember him.”
“What does that mean?” Jin frowned.
“Kamenashi was in charge of this project. He is the interior designer for this flat”, Nakamaru cleared up. “He knew the painting.”
“What?”
Nakamaru pointed at the painting on the wall. “He looked at that painting and then said: ‘It’s Jin’ to me. He immediately knew it was you.”
Jin tried to slow down his breathing, he suddenly felt panic crawl up his throat. “You should have told me straight away!”
Nakamaru shrugged. “I brought him backstage yesterday, but you didn’t recognise him, so, I thought you guys were probably not…”
“What?” Jin leaned in, gripped Nakamaru’s shoulders. “What? He’s been there?”
Nakamaru laughed. “He stood right in front of you and you greeted him, Jin.”
Jin let go a turned, running a hand through his hair. “What? When?”
“Before the concert. You came to tell me about the staff wanting to see me, remember?”
Jin nodded slowly and closed his eyes, letting go of his breath. “Where is he?”
Nakamaru frowned again. “Jin, what…?”
“Yuichi, where is he? How can I reach him?”
“I have his mobile number”, Nakamaru said and got out his cell phone.
Jin shook his head. “No, I can’t just call. I have to see him.”
“What is that, between the two of you?” Nakamaru crossed his arms. “He acted so strange, too.”
Jin opened his mouth, but closed it again. “It’s complicated.”
“He said, he used to know you, but then, yesterday, after you hadn’t recognised him, he seemed as if someone had told him he was going to die. He looked all messed up and actually, hurt.”
Jin clicked his tongue. “Where do I find him, Yuichi?”
Nakamaru got out his wallet and pulled a card for Jin. “It’s his business card. Try there.”
“Thanks”, Jin mumbled and turned. He was out of the flat in seconds and as he got into his car, the only thought on his mind was to find Kazuya.
He reached the place of the agency Kazuya worked for and frowned, as he got out the car and hurried over to the building.
An interior designer, Jin thought. That wasn’t what Jin had Kazuya expected to become. Not at all.
He wondered how Kazuya had decided on that; what had been the reason for Kazuya to take that path.
Jin didn’t know a thing about Kazuya.
As he had reached the right floor, Jin looked at the sign and slowly opened the door.
“Excuse me”, he said and walked in quietly, approaching the front desk. “I’d like to talk to Kamenashi-san.”
The woman at the desk stared up at him with huge eyes. “Akanishi Jin-san?”
Jin had a small smile. “No, that’s me. I’m looking for Kamenashi Kazuya.”
She blushed and nodded. “Ah, yes. He is working here.”
“I would like to talk to him, if that’s possible.”
“He’s…” She looked into a timetable on her desk. “He’s out at the moment.”
“Could you give me his address then?” Jin put on a charming smile.
“I’m afraid I am not allowed to do that.” She bit her lip and threw a look to a door at her left. “But, other designers are in at the moment.”
Jin sighed impatiently. “I am not really looking for…”
In that moment, the door opened and a man came in. “Sayori-san, did Otomi-san call?”
She shook her head. “He didn’t call yet. If you have a minute, could you talk to a new client?”
Ueda looked up and tilted his head, as he saw Jin. He pointed at him shortly and said: “Ah!”
Jin smiled friendly. “Nice to meet you. I actually don’t…”
“You’re Kame’s friend”, Ueda said. “He told me about you.”
Frowning, Jin approached him. “Excuse me?”
“If you have a moment? Why don’t you come into my office?” Ueda pointed at the door and smiled at Sayori, as he followed Jin inside.
“What do you mean, Kame talked about me”, Jin asked, as soon as the door was closed.
“Well, he told me”, Ueda said and shrugged, “because I’ve been friends with Yamashita Tomohisa since school. He told me about you, when he found out.”
Jin stared at him. “Where is he now?”
Ueda looked at the clock. “He’s probably getting home in about an hour.”
“I need his address.”
For a moment, Ueda watched him, then he took out a paper and wrote down an address, before he handed it to Jin.
“I’m sure he’ll be happy to meet you”, he said.
Jin forced a smile and glanced at the paper in his hand. “Thanks.”
He really wasn’t too sure, as he left and went back to his car.
Somehow, Jin had a feeling that after all, Kazuya wouldn’t be too happy to see him.
Kazuya sighed, as he opened the can of beer and took the first sip.
The day hadn’t been too long, it wasn’t even eight and yet, Kazuya felt tired. He hadn’t slept too well the night before, as he had been thinking about Jin, the concert, the fact that Jin had looked at him without recognising Kazuya; all that had kept him from sleeping.
Kazuya wondered, if Jin had seen the apartment by now and if he had figured that that stone on his desk wasn’t just any stone.
Maybe, Jin wouldn’t recognise it, either.
Shaking his head, Kazuya tried to dismiss the thought and got up from the couch to get some food from the kitchen.
He frowned, as the doorbell rang and put down the can.
Slowly, Kazuya opened the door and peeked outside. His heart dropped and he opened up completely, as he saw Jin standing in front of it.
He should have known, Kazuya thought; and yet, Jin was the last person he had expected.
Jin stared at him and for a moment, couldn’t believe it was actually Kazuya he was seeing. He looked different; his hair had changed, it was much lighter than Jin remembered it and his face had matured a lot. He was taller and just different from Jin’s memory.
How could he have expected Kazuya to stay the same forever? Jin had never even thought about how Kazuya could have changed.
Swallowing thickly, Jin forced a smile. “Hi.”
Kazuya nodded and the expression in his face was cold. “Hi.”
“I got your address from Ueda-san in the agency.” Jin buried his hands in his pockets. “I thought we could talk.”
Kazuya stepped back and made way for Jin to walk in. He really didn’t know what they should talk about. It already felt awkward.
Jin excused himself and walked in, sliding out of his boots. He turned to Kazuya and followed him inside.
Kazuya’s home looked stylish. It wasn’t a big flat and yet, every detail was thought of. Everything suited, every detail fitted another and it just looked homelike.
“They are the same colour as my flat”, Jin noticed.
Kazuya shrugged. “I didn’t intend to hand in that concept. But you didn’t leave me a choice.”
“Did you know it from the beginning?” Jin stopped and stared at Kazuya’s back. “That it was my flat?”
Kazuya turned to him and shrugged. “I knew I was working for some celebrity, but I only realised it was you, when you bought that painting.”
Jin nodded. “I see.”
“Did you come to complain about the flat?” Kazuya sat down. “Because I won’t change anything about it.”
“No”, Jin said quickly and remained in his spot at the door. “No”, he repeated a bit calmer. “I like it.”
Kazuya had a cold smile for that. “I’m glad to hear.”
“It reminded me of you”, Jin said then. “The flat reminded me of you.”
“Well, I made the concept for how I would design it if it was my own flat.” Kazuya shrugged. “It’s a little funny you picked that one, as we never had the same taste in such things. Clothes, furniture and such”, he added to explain.
Jin said nothing for a moment, then, he looked up and made a helpless gesture. “But I always liked you.”
Kazuya glanced away. “We both pretty much liked each other, I guess.”
“You left the stone”, Jin said without reacting to Kazuya’s sarcastic comment and pulled out the stone from his pocket. “You shouldn’t give back presents you got.”
“I always thought it had more of a meaning for you than for me.”
Jin swallowed and fisted his hand around the stone.
Kazuya took a deep breath and buried his face in his hands for a moment. He looked up again at Jin and knew he was cold and cruel and he knew the reason just as well.
“You looked at me, Jin”, he murmured. “And you didn’t recognise me.”
Jin pressed his lips together. “You’ve changed so much.”
Kazuya laughed bitterly. It still had felt like a stab and getting over it was hard. Especially, after all those years that he had believed fate would lead them together, eventually.
“I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t expect to even see you here”, Jin said and shrugged. “In my head, seeing you in Tokyo wasn’t even possible.”
“Hm”, Kazuya made. “Anyway, it happened and can’t be undone. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does”, Jin insisted and came a step closer. Now, that he had come here, he wouldn’t let his chance slip that easily. “You came to see me that one time in Sapporo.”
Kazuya looked up, his eyes fierce.
“Five years ago”, Jin said. “You came to see me, after that concert.”
“Because you sang that song for me”, Kazuya mumbled. “I came to watch you and you sang that song you had written years ago.”
“Kokoro no Yukue”, Jin answered. “I’ve written it for you.”
Kazuya smiled slightly. “And then, you made it public for all worlds to hear about us.”
Jin frowned. “I wanted to reach you.”
“And I told you that I wanted to cut off all contact, didn’t I?”
“Then, why did you come to see me?”
Kazuya got up from the couch, his look was heated. But before it could burst out, he controlled himself and fisted his hands. “I didn’t see you. I came to, but I didn’t get to see you. How do you even know?”
“I saw you from the car. We couldn’t stop. Even though I wanted to”, Jin added. “What did you want to say that time?”
Kazuya shook his head. “I don’t know”, he murmured. “Nothing. I just… I was there and suddenly, you played that song, so I thought you must have known that I had been there.”
Jin nodded. “I had thought there was a slight chance.”
“However”, Kazuya said and crossed his arms. “We didn’t meet and it was good we didn’t. There’s nothing to say, Jin.”
Jin bit his lip. “So…”, he said slowly and knew he was betting all on one card. “You’re over what happened ten years ago?”
Kazuya raised his look and for a moment, he looked insecure. Then, he nodded. “We decided to break up and that’s what we did”, he answered. “It’d be ridiculous if any of us wasn’t over it by now.”
Jin forced a smile. “Yeah, that’s true.”
For a moment, they stood like that, avoiding looking at each other.
“I guess, I’d better leave”, Jin said and turned slowly.
Kazuya followed him and watched Jin getting into his shoes. He knew this was the moment to hold Jin back. This was the moment to make sure if - just in the slightest bit - there was still anything between them; if Jin still felt tied to Kazuya, too.
Yet, he didn’t speak up.
“It’s just”, Jin said, as he opened the door, “that in a way, people get nostalgic about their first love, I guess.” He smiled. “I’m happy to see you’ve become like this; with the job, this flat and your looks. You look good, Kame.”
Kazuya smiled and this time, it was the first genuine one ever since Jin had come through the door. “Thanks”, he said and stopped in the door frame, looking at Jin. “Take care.”
“It was nice meeting you again.” Jin turned and he realised that this time, it felt much more real than ten years ago.
“Goodbye.”
It had just gotten worse.
Kazuya stared out of the window of his office and moved a pen between his fingers. He was supposed to work, as he had to meet a deadline, but instead, he sat here and stared out of the window.
It had been two weeks, since Jin had shown up so suddenly at Kazuya’s door and since then, he hadn’t heard anything from Jin - except for a transfer of money to Kazuya’s bank account to pay off the remaining costs for the interior design of Jin’s flat.
Two weeks; and Kazuya felt worse than he had before. Not as worse, as he had felt ten years ago, when Jin had gone away.
But it was close. He just couldn’t think of much else than all those words that had been left unsaid and all the things they could have had.
Jin had bought that painting after all, Kazuya thought and moved his head from one side to the other. But then again, Jin had also said that people just were nostalgic about their first love.
So, Jin had probably just bought the painting, because he got nostalgic, when looking at it.
Someone knocked his door and Kazuya sat straight, pretending to be caught up in his work. Sayori peeked in and smiled at him.
“There are some letters for you, Kamenashi-san”, she said and put a few envelopes to his desk.
“Thanks”, Kazuya said and took them, while she walked out again. It was rare these days to even get letters; most contracts and assignments were handled by e-mail.
He raised a brow, as he opened the first one that was just a bill from one of his suppliers. He quickly scanned it, before he put it aside and opened the next one.
It didn’t have any sender on it and Kazuya frowned. There wasn’t even a letter inside, just a small piece of paper and a ticket.
Kazuya looked at the ticket first; seeing it was an exclusive ticket for a concert for tonight. He got out the piece of paper.
Please come, was all it said and Kazuya raised a brow.
Another concert, he thought. He didn’t think he wanted that. It always hurt to see Jin at a stage.
It had always been Jin’s dream and Kazuya had supported it at any second of the time they had spent together. But eventually, it was that dream that had taken Jin from him.
It were those stages that made Jin unattainable for Kazuya.
He let both slip back into the envelope, before he tried to concentrate on work again.
Kazuya wasn’t surprised of himself, however, as several hours later, he found himself standing in front of the hall, staring up at the entrance, the ticket in his hand.
He had known that he wouldn’t be able to resist it; that he would want to know what Jin was up to and what he would have to say.
Kazuya had never been able to resist, when it had come to Jin.
He looked surprised, as the door opened and Nakamaru came out. “Kamenashi, I am happy you could come!”
Kazuya bowed slightly, before he approached him. “I got a ticket in the mail today.”
Nakamaru smiled. “Jin definitely wanted you to come and see his show tonight.”
“Well”, Kazuya said. “Here I am.” He looked around, as he followed Nakamaru inside. He couldn’t see any girls - usually, before a concert the halls would burst with girls.
“Just go through that door”, Nakamaru said and pointed the way for Kazuya. “I have to prepare a few things. So, I’ll see you later.”
Kazuya looked after Nakamaru, as he disappeared and frowned. Something about this was really odd.
He opened the huge door and walked in.
The hall was rather dark, just a few lights were pointed at the stage. No one was around and Kazuya looked through the room, trying to make out something.
“Thanks for coming”, Jin said and stepped into the light on the stage, his hands in his pockets. He looked up at Kazuya who still stood on the steps down to the lower seats.
Kazuya mimicked Jin’s posture and slowly got down the steps. “What’s this? I wondered about the early time on the ticket already. Did you invite me a bit earlier than the rest of your fans?”
Jin smiled, shaking his head slightly. “No. I rented out this place. Everyone else has gone home. It’s just the two of us.”
Raising a brow, Kazuya stopped, as he reached the bottom of the stairs and stood in front of the stage. “Well, you could have just asked me to come to your place. It wasn’t necessary to spent this much money.”
“It’s okay”, Jin said. “I don’t really mind.”
“I hope you also won’t mind that I am not impressed now.”
Laughing, Jin turned and made a few steps, looking around the hall. “I didn’t think you’d be.”
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Kazuya leaned against the wall next to him and crossed his arms, watching Jin.
“I wanted to revive an old memory. Do you remember, when I first sang Kokoro no Yukue?”
Kazuya tilted his head. “It was our last summer. We were on that field behind Tarumae, beneath the old oak.” He smiled. “You said you’d written a song for me.”
Jin nodded and looked at his shoes. “I decided to tell you back then. And I want to tell you this time again. About the circumstances of my heart.”
For a moment, Kazuya watched Jin, before he took a deep breath and climbed those few stairs up to the stage. He kept standing in the darker part at the side.
“I’ve made a few mistakes”, Jin said. “The first was to let you decide what would happen to us.”
Kazuya frowned a bit. “What do you mean?”
“I left it to you to decide what we would do. I should have told you back then that breaking up wasn’t an option for me.”
“I thought we had agreed that we both wanted it that way.”
Jin shook his head. “No, I felt bad for being so selfish, so I thought it was just fair to let you make that decision.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I should have said what…”
“I think you did”, Kazuya interrupted and came a step closer. Light fell to his face and showed his hurt expression. “You made it clear at the train station, don’t you think? I couldn’t consider your goodbye a goodbye at all.”
Jin stared at him for a moment, one hand still at his nape.
“That is what I would have said, Jin”, Kazuya murmured. “That time in Sapporo. I would have answered you. By not being able to answer that time, I always felt that I owed you something and I couldn’t forget it. Telling me you loved me for the first time, when we had agreed to break up - how could I have considered it as a break-up?”
Jin licked his lips. “And what would you have answered?”
“That I love you, too”, Kazuya said immediately. He kept quiet for a moment. “It was what I said, while watching that train disappear and I always wanted you to know that I loved you, too.”
“That’s probably the next mistake I made”, Jin noticed. “It was up to me to find you and I never came to face the answer.” He took a deep breath. “I should have broken the promise to cut off all contact. I should have come get you.”
Kazuya laughed. “I did fine without you; I didn’t really need you to come and get me, Jin.”
“You left home, didn’t you? You never came back to Tarumae.”
It was hard to say, to admit in front of Jin. “I couldn’t stand that place anymore.”
Jin understood why and pressed his lips together. “You could have studied in Tokyo, too.”
“Too expensive”, Kazuya said and shrugged. “And, actually, too close to you.”
Sighing, Jin approached Kazuya. “See, I shouldn’t have let it come that far. I should have come to get you to live with me.”
“You’re not responsible for me.” Kazuya stepped closer, too. “I’ve been doing well without you, Jin. I don’t need you.”
Jin smiled slightly. “You’re here right now.”
“You asked me to come.”
“You lied, when you said you were over it, didn’t you?” Jin buried his hands in his pockets again. “If you were, you would not have come here.”
It was obvious, Kazuya thought and looked at Jin. There was no point in denying it. “As I’ve said, it has never felt like a goodbye, like a real break-up.”
Jin nodded. “I think so, too.”
Laughing slightly, Kazuya took the last few steps to stand in front of Jin. “And that leaves us where?”
“You know”, Jin said after a moment. “Recently, I thought that you were my best audience so far.”
Kazuya tilted his head slightly.
“Do you remember what you’ve said, after I kissed you for the first time?”
“That we should have done it earlier”, Kazuya answered. He smiled upon that memory.
“No”, Jin murmured and smiled too. “After the very first time.”
“I guess we didn’t really talk, we were both too embarrassed.”
Jin nodded. “Yes, but eventually, you came back out of that tent und you came to sit next to me, as I watched the stars. You told me that they would love my voice.”
Kazuya blinked. “Yeah, I probably did. I always encouraged your singing.”
With a smile, Jin lifted his look to Kazuya’s. “In the end, the only person who really just loves my voice is you.” As Kazuya didn’t answer, Jin went on: “I wanted everyone to listen to me like you did, but when I got there, I realised that it wasn’t the same.”
Frowning, Kazuya licked his lips. “You realised your dream, Jin. Don’t tell me you’re not happy with that, because that would ruin all sacrifices I made.”
“I am happy”, Jin said. “But, no matter how many people fill those halls and no matter how many records I sell, it can’t stand up to what it felt like, when we sat beneath that tree and I sang that song for you. You genuinely enjoyed it and you didn’t even say anything. But I still knew.”
Kazuya nodded. “I did. Of course, I did.”
“That’s why it’s incomplete”, Jin said and looked down again. “You probably don’t need me, but I do need you, Kazuya.”
For a moment, Kazuya kept staring at Jin. He didn’t move, couldn’t say a word, as he heard his heart beat pulsing loudly in his ears.
Dead serious, he thought. Jin had used his name, what made those words dead serious.
“It’s ridiculous”, Kazuya said eventually. “It’s been ten years, after all.”
Lowering his look, Jin bit his lip.
“But I’m happy that not only I foolishly held on to those feelings”, Kazuya added. “I don’t need you to live my life, Jin, but it feels a lot better to know I don’t have to live it without you anymore.”
Smiling, Jin reached out a hand and took Kazuya’s, lacing their fingers. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Kazuya laughed slightly, as he looked around. “I can’t believe you actually rented this place, just to have a talk with me.”
“I felt a bit safer on stage”, Jin answered. “It made it easier for me to talk.”
Kazuya leaned closer and put his free arm over Jin’s shoulder. “So, what’s tonight’s programme? Any special songs you’ll play for me?”
Jin smiled and leaned his forehead against Kazuya’s. “Any requests?”
Without answering, Kazuya caught Jin’s lips with his and slowly kissed him; nothing had changed, he thought, as Jin pulled him closer. It still felt the same to kiss Jin. He still kissed the same way, with passion and a bit rough, without lacking gentleness.
Jin wound his arms around Kazuya and held him tight, burying his face at Kazuya’s nape. He inhaled the scent and closed his eyes, while he felt Kazuya’s heart beating fast against his chest.
Kazuya smiled, as Jin slowly, quietly began to sing.
Those words that described the unchanging circumstances of his heart.
--------------------------
Thank you so much for reading! ♥
Pairing: Akanishi Jin x Kazuya Kamenashi //Akame//
Genre: Romance, AU
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in this story. I don't make profit with this.
Summary: It's the memory of a summer with fifteen, a love when they were sixteen that connects them for the rest of their lives. It's that whispered promise they made, before they said goodbye. It's those unchanging skies that make them unable to forget about each other.
A/N: English isn't my mother tongue, but I lived in the UK for quite a time, so I basically write and speak well. You're welcome to correct any mistakes, though. Of course.
Continues from here.
Jin looked at the photo in his hand and sighed slightly.
His tour had started a few days ago and he would give several concerts in Tokyo; exclusive gigs for his fan club.
He put the photo aside and got up, approaching the door. The gig would start in a few minutes and he couldn’t stay all on his own any longer.
After he had bought the painting, he had looked up that photo of him and Kazuya. It had been taken shortly before Jin had left and showed them on Valentine’s Day. Knowing Jin would leave in ten days, they had gone to Tomakumai and had spent the day together.
Remembering those days, Jin didn’t feel well at all. He wanted to lock up himself at home and sort out his mind instead of going out there. But Jin didn’t really have a choice.
He stopped, as the door opened, before he could reach it and stared at Yamashita, who came walking in with a bright smile.
“Hey, Jin”, he said and greeted him with a gesture of his hand. “I was around and thought I’d say hello, before you go out there.”
Jin smiled back. “Thanks. I’m happy you came.”
Yamashita had become famous a few years after Jin and ever since they had met first, they had been friends.
“Why don’t you stay and watch the concert?” Jin walked over to a small fridge and got out a soda.
“I’d like to”, Yamashita answered, “but I have a meeting in an hour.” He took the soda and leaned against the table. He spotted the photo and frowned. “Is that you?”
Jin turned and saw him looking at the picture. “Ah, that’s old”, he mumbled, trying not to show his embarrassment. He had never intended for anyone to see any of those pictures with Kazuya.
“That guy”, Yamashita said and frowned, before he nipped his soda. “He looks familiar.”
Jin laughed gently. “Impossible. He’s been a friend of mine in middle school.”
“I know!” Yamashita raised his head to look at Jin. “He looks a bit like that guy a friend of mine introduced me to a while ago. But they probably just look a bit alike.”
Jin smiled gently and took the photo from Yamashita’s hand. “Yeah, probably.”
Someone knocked at the door and peeked in then. “Akanishi-san, we need you backstage.”
Jin nodded, before he looked back at Yamashita. “Thanks for dropping by”, he said. “We could go out for dinner sometime soon.”
Yamashita put down the soda and got to the door, following Jin. “Sure. Have fun and call me, whenever you’re free.”
Jin waved his hand, before he went the other way and approached a staff member.
The photo disappeared into the pocket of jeans.
A few nights later, when Kazuya came home, he opened a bottle of Whiskey and had a glass, before he got to his bedroom and opened one of his drawers.
Far beneath a lot of other things, he had placed the small box Jin had given him for his seventeenth birthday.
Kazuya had never opened it.
Today, though, he felt that it was the right moment to open up the box and find out, what Jin had given him.
Jin was still thinking of those days, too. He had bought that picture. The picture of that sunset, of that golden view they had shared together on that evening, before they had had their first kiss.
Jin had not forgotten about it, either.
Kazuya placed the glass on his dresser and carefully opened the ribbon. Then, he lifted the top and looked inside.
There was just a simple stone and a small piece of paper, folded into the box.
Kazuya laughed slightly and looked at the plain stone. It was small and light in his hand and there really was nothing special about it, just as Jin had said it.
Then, Kazuya unfolded the piece of paper and looked at Jin’s untidy handwriting.
It’s a stone from the shore of the island. I took it back then, as a memory of that summer. Take care of it and don’t forget about its meaning.
Jin
Kazuya stared at it for a little longer, before he started laughing.
That was just so typically Jin. To take a souvenir from that place to remember the day they had become a couple.
He had always been the one to do things like that, while Kazuya hadn’t. In the end, he hadn’t even had a single photo of him and Jin together, while Jin had taken a million photos.
Kazuya remembered that Jin had had a board in his room, where he had pinned all those pictures.
He wondered, what had happened to those Jin had taken of them as a couple. If he still had them?
Kazuya put the box with the stone away and made his way back into his living room.
He checked his mobile and noticed he had four missed calls from Nakamaru. Frowning, he called back.
“Kamenashi”, Nakamaru said and sounded cheerful. “Thanks for your hard work.”
“You, too”, Kazuya said. “What do you need?”
“Do you have time? I would like to meet you, if you can.”
Kazuya frowned deeper. “Tonight?”
“Yes, there’s somewhere I’d like to take you”, Nakamaru answered cheerfully.
“Okay”, Kazuya said. He would only sit here and drink, thinking about a stupid stone, if he didn’t take that offer now.
Nakamaru told him, where they’d meet and Kazuya noted it on a piece of paper, before he hung up. He changed quickly and was on his way just ten minutes later.
As he reached the place, Kazuya looked around and spotted Nakamaru. He approached him and greeted him with a wave of his hand.
“I’m happy you could make it.” Nakamaru gestured for Kazuya to follow him.
Kazuya looked up and frowned, as Nakamaru guided him to the back of a huge hall. “Is this a club?”
Nakamaru nodded. “Something like that.”
Kazuya saw the poster, as he walked in and stopped. “What’s this?”
Turning, Nakamaru smiled. “You put so much effort for the flat, I thought you would like a little payback and get to know your costumer.”
Kazuya felt his heartbeat speed up. “Does he know I’m here?”
Nakamaru frowned and held open a door. “No. Why?”
“I’m leaving again”, Kazuya just said. “This is not a good idea.”
“It’s just a concert, Kamenashi. You can watch it for free, and if you don’t want to meet him, then, you won’t have to.”
Kazuya nodded. “Yeah, okay. I just really…”
“Yuichi, is that you?”
Jin walked through the door Nakamaru held and quickly glanced at Kazuya, giving him a nod, before he looked at his assistant again.
“Someone of the staff was looking for you. They want to know something about the setlist and don’t believe me. As if I wouldn’t know what songs I’m playing tonight”, he mumbled and shrugged.
Nakamaru threw a look from him to Kazuya and back. “I’ll go see them in a minute.”
Jin nodded and turned, before he disappeared again.
Kazuya stared at the spot and felt his hands start to tremble. They were cold and he felt like all blood had rushed from his head down to his knees.
Whenever he had thought his heart had skipped a beat, he had been dead wrong. Now, he knew what it felt like, when his heart just stopped beating.
Jin had stood right there in front of him, he had looked over, had looked at Kazuya.
Jin had not recognised him.
Nakamaru bit his lip and closed the door again.
“I guess, I better leave”, Kazuya said, trying to control his voice.
“Watch the concert”, Nakamaru said. “Just stay somewhere in the back row and watch him.”
Kazuya managed a smile. “I don’t think I want that right now.”
Nakamaru nodded, before he pulled something out of the pocket of his jacket. “Take this. Should you want to come back in, you can use it. Okay?”
Kazuya took the pass and looked at it briefly, before he slipped it into the back pocket of his jeans. “Thanks.”
He turned and as soon as he had closed the door behind himself, his knees gave in and he slid down the wall.
He should have known, Kazuya thought. All these years he had told himself that he was over that past, that he was over Jin.
But he had been wrong, all these years. He had lied to himself, because it still hurt.
Jin had not recognised him.
Inside, Jin opened a pack of crisps and looked up, as Nakamaru came inside.
“By the way, you can get into the new flat tomorrow, it’s finished”, Nakamaru said.
Jin blinked his eyes once. “Wow, that was quick. Okay, I’ll look at it tomorrow.”
Nakamaru shot a look at him. “The interior designer was pretty amazed by the painting you’ve chosen.”
“Hm”, Jin said and ate some more crisps. “It’s a pretty place.”
“He said, he’s been there, too.”
Jin looked up and frowned. “I doubt that. Only locals know that place.”
Nakamaru nodded and shrugged. “Well, if you say so.” He looked to the door, as a staff member knocked and then, came in.
“Akanishi-san, you have to come on stage.”
Jin nodded and clapped his hands, as he got up, to clean them off. He grabbed a bottle of water and approached the door.
“Jin”, Nakamaru said and waited, until Jin looked at him again. “That place in the painting”, he said again. “Have you been there with someone?”
Jin stared at him for a moment. What was that question? How did he know? “What is that about?”
“It looks like a place you would go to with a lover.”
Jin kept staring at him. “Yeah, it does”, he just said. “It’s probably just because I’m a romanticist.”
Nakamaru smiled slightly. “So, a place you would take a lover.”
“You’re asking quite some strange things today”, Jin noticed and left the room.
He walked down the floor and sipped from his water.
How had Nakamaru found out that the place in the painting held memories for Jin? How could have figured out that it was about a lover?
Jin frowned and put the bottle down, before someone gave him a microphone. This would be a small concert for just about hundred people who had won their tickets in a show.
Jin went on stage and enjoyed the rather quiet applause. He liked concerts like these, with just a few people. On these occasions, he could talk to his fans and everything just had a rather relaxed atmosphere.
He smiled, as he sat down on a stool.
“Thank you for coming”, Jin said. “I’ll give an unplugged concert tonight and I hope you guys will like it.”
He looked over to the pianist and nodded, gesturing him to start playing.
It was enjoyable for him, too. Most of the songs he sang that night were ballads, a few accompanied by the piano, a few by guitar, others, he sang a cappella.
His songs were all pop or r’n’b, so Jin enjoyed singing them this way - without all the show and the dance parts.
It was just about his voice; just about the songs he was singing.
It was like back then, when he had been still home and he had sat under the large tree on that small hill with Kazuya. They had leaned against the thick log, it had been summer and they had seeked shadow beneath the leaves of the tree.
Jin had sang for him, had just sat next to Kazuya and had sang, while he had played with Jin’s fingers, had pressed his lips to them.
Kazuya had been his best audience so far. He had not commented everything Jin had sang for him, but he had always listened and it had only needed a look at him for Jin to know that he enjoyed it. It had only taken those gestures of Kazuya taking Jin’s hand, lacing his fingers with Jin’s, to show that he appreciated every tone.
He wanted to do it again.
Jin wanted to go back someday and sit together with Kazuya; sing him a song and have Kazuya listen and return the favour by showing his love.
One day, when he wouldn’t need the flashlights and stages anymore, he wanted to return to a place like that.
And to Kazuya.
Jin had his hands in his pockets, as he waited for Nakamaru to open up the door to his flat.
It was quite early in the morning and he felt still tired. He’d have a magazine shooting later on tonight and right now, he didn’t feel like it, at all.
Nakamaru had called and said he would pick Jin up to show him the flat; so, Jin had not really had a chance but to tag along.
“If everything is like the concept, then, it should be fine”, Jin said now. “I really have no idea why I couldn’t have a look sometime after that shooting.”
“Because I won’t have time after that shooting”, Nakamaru just said, as they walked up the stairs.
“It’s not like I wasn’t capable of using a key to open a door myself.”
Nakamaru just rolled his eyes. “Get in and stop complaining.”
Jin walked ahead and stared through the floor. It had a yellowish colour and right next to the door, there was a cupboard in dark brown. He went into the first room and remained standing in the kitchen for a while
It was modern, Jin thought and at the same time didn’t seem didn’t feel cold, but very welcoming.
In Jin’s mind, the kitchen was the room of the family. At home, he had always sat with his family in the kitchen, whenever they had something important to discuss or tell each other.
This kitchen had a huge window that let in the sunlight. The walls were off-white, the cupboards had a reddish-brown colour. In the middle of the room, there was a table in the same colour with four chairs.
Jin just nodded and left the room to get into the next. Nakamaru followed him from one room to the other without any word.
As Jin reached the last, he smiled, as he saw the painting at the wall.
“It fits perfectly”, Jin said and turned to Nakamaru. “The painting fits perfectly in here.”
Nakamaru nodded. “The whole thing turned out pretty nice.”
“I like it”, Jin said. “I liked the concept, but this is amazing. It reminds me of…” Jin stopped and frowned slightly, his look going back to the painting.
“Of?” Nakamaru tilted his head.
“Doesn’t matter”, Jin said and ran a hand over the smooth wood of the working des. His eye was caught by something and he rounded it.
For a moment, Jin just stared at it, then, he reached out and took it into his hand.
It was light and cold in his hand and he looked back at the painting.
“How did this get in here?”
Nakamaru gave him an asking look, before he noticed the stone in Jin’s hand. “Oh, that stone? No idea, it was probably left? Just throw it out, it’s…”
“No”, Jin said and approached Nakamaru. “Who left it here?”
Nakamaru looked confused and shrugged. “I have no idea. Probably Kamenashi.”
Jin lowered his hand and stared unbelievingly at Nakamaru. “Kame”, he said quietly. “What was he doing here?”
Nakamaru laughed slightly. “So, you do remember him.”
“What does that mean?” Jin frowned.
“Kamenashi was in charge of this project. He is the interior designer for this flat”, Nakamaru cleared up. “He knew the painting.”
“What?”
Nakamaru pointed at the painting on the wall. “He looked at that painting and then said: ‘It’s Jin’ to me. He immediately knew it was you.”
Jin tried to slow down his breathing, he suddenly felt panic crawl up his throat. “You should have told me straight away!”
Nakamaru shrugged. “I brought him backstage yesterday, but you didn’t recognise him, so, I thought you guys were probably not…”
“What?” Jin leaned in, gripped Nakamaru’s shoulders. “What? He’s been there?”
Nakamaru laughed. “He stood right in front of you and you greeted him, Jin.”
Jin let go a turned, running a hand through his hair. “What? When?”
“Before the concert. You came to tell me about the staff wanting to see me, remember?”
Jin nodded slowly and closed his eyes, letting go of his breath. “Where is he?”
Nakamaru frowned again. “Jin, what…?”
“Yuichi, where is he? How can I reach him?”
“I have his mobile number”, Nakamaru said and got out his cell phone.
Jin shook his head. “No, I can’t just call. I have to see him.”
“What is that, between the two of you?” Nakamaru crossed his arms. “He acted so strange, too.”
Jin opened his mouth, but closed it again. “It’s complicated.”
“He said, he used to know you, but then, yesterday, after you hadn’t recognised him, he seemed as if someone had told him he was going to die. He looked all messed up and actually, hurt.”
Jin clicked his tongue. “Where do I find him, Yuichi?”
Nakamaru got out his wallet and pulled a card for Jin. “It’s his business card. Try there.”
“Thanks”, Jin mumbled and turned. He was out of the flat in seconds and as he got into his car, the only thought on his mind was to find Kazuya.
He reached the place of the agency Kazuya worked for and frowned, as he got out the car and hurried over to the building.
An interior designer, Jin thought. That wasn’t what Jin had Kazuya expected to become. Not at all.
He wondered how Kazuya had decided on that; what had been the reason for Kazuya to take that path.
Jin didn’t know a thing about Kazuya.
As he had reached the right floor, Jin looked at the sign and slowly opened the door.
“Excuse me”, he said and walked in quietly, approaching the front desk. “I’d like to talk to Kamenashi-san.”
The woman at the desk stared up at him with huge eyes. “Akanishi Jin-san?”
Jin had a small smile. “No, that’s me. I’m looking for Kamenashi Kazuya.”
She blushed and nodded. “Ah, yes. He is working here.”
“I would like to talk to him, if that’s possible.”
“He’s…” She looked into a timetable on her desk. “He’s out at the moment.”
“Could you give me his address then?” Jin put on a charming smile.
“I’m afraid I am not allowed to do that.” She bit her lip and threw a look to a door at her left. “But, other designers are in at the moment.”
Jin sighed impatiently. “I am not really looking for…”
In that moment, the door opened and a man came in. “Sayori-san, did Otomi-san call?”
She shook her head. “He didn’t call yet. If you have a minute, could you talk to a new client?”
Ueda looked up and tilted his head, as he saw Jin. He pointed at him shortly and said: “Ah!”
Jin smiled friendly. “Nice to meet you. I actually don’t…”
“You’re Kame’s friend”, Ueda said. “He told me about you.”
Frowning, Jin approached him. “Excuse me?”
“If you have a moment? Why don’t you come into my office?” Ueda pointed at the door and smiled at Sayori, as he followed Jin inside.
“What do you mean, Kame talked about me”, Jin asked, as soon as the door was closed.
“Well, he told me”, Ueda said and shrugged, “because I’ve been friends with Yamashita Tomohisa since school. He told me about you, when he found out.”
Jin stared at him. “Where is he now?”
Ueda looked at the clock. “He’s probably getting home in about an hour.”
“I need his address.”
For a moment, Ueda watched him, then he took out a paper and wrote down an address, before he handed it to Jin.
“I’m sure he’ll be happy to meet you”, he said.
Jin forced a smile and glanced at the paper in his hand. “Thanks.”
He really wasn’t too sure, as he left and went back to his car.
Somehow, Jin had a feeling that after all, Kazuya wouldn’t be too happy to see him.
Kazuya sighed, as he opened the can of beer and took the first sip.
The day hadn’t been too long, it wasn’t even eight and yet, Kazuya felt tired. He hadn’t slept too well the night before, as he had been thinking about Jin, the concert, the fact that Jin had looked at him without recognising Kazuya; all that had kept him from sleeping.
Kazuya wondered, if Jin had seen the apartment by now and if he had figured that that stone on his desk wasn’t just any stone.
Maybe, Jin wouldn’t recognise it, either.
Shaking his head, Kazuya tried to dismiss the thought and got up from the couch to get some food from the kitchen.
He frowned, as the doorbell rang and put down the can.
Slowly, Kazuya opened the door and peeked outside. His heart dropped and he opened up completely, as he saw Jin standing in front of it.
He should have known, Kazuya thought; and yet, Jin was the last person he had expected.
Jin stared at him and for a moment, couldn’t believe it was actually Kazuya he was seeing. He looked different; his hair had changed, it was much lighter than Jin remembered it and his face had matured a lot. He was taller and just different from Jin’s memory.
How could he have expected Kazuya to stay the same forever? Jin had never even thought about how Kazuya could have changed.
Swallowing thickly, Jin forced a smile. “Hi.”
Kazuya nodded and the expression in his face was cold. “Hi.”
“I got your address from Ueda-san in the agency.” Jin buried his hands in his pockets. “I thought we could talk.”
Kazuya stepped back and made way for Jin to walk in. He really didn’t know what they should talk about. It already felt awkward.
Jin excused himself and walked in, sliding out of his boots. He turned to Kazuya and followed him inside.
Kazuya’s home looked stylish. It wasn’t a big flat and yet, every detail was thought of. Everything suited, every detail fitted another and it just looked homelike.
“They are the same colour as my flat”, Jin noticed.
Kazuya shrugged. “I didn’t intend to hand in that concept. But you didn’t leave me a choice.”
“Did you know it from the beginning?” Jin stopped and stared at Kazuya’s back. “That it was my flat?”
Kazuya turned to him and shrugged. “I knew I was working for some celebrity, but I only realised it was you, when you bought that painting.”
Jin nodded. “I see.”
“Did you come to complain about the flat?” Kazuya sat down. “Because I won’t change anything about it.”
“No”, Jin said quickly and remained in his spot at the door. “No”, he repeated a bit calmer. “I like it.”
Kazuya had a cold smile for that. “I’m glad to hear.”
“It reminded me of you”, Jin said then. “The flat reminded me of you.”
“Well, I made the concept for how I would design it if it was my own flat.” Kazuya shrugged. “It’s a little funny you picked that one, as we never had the same taste in such things. Clothes, furniture and such”, he added to explain.
Jin said nothing for a moment, then, he looked up and made a helpless gesture. “But I always liked you.”
Kazuya glanced away. “We both pretty much liked each other, I guess.”
“You left the stone”, Jin said without reacting to Kazuya’s sarcastic comment and pulled out the stone from his pocket. “You shouldn’t give back presents you got.”
“I always thought it had more of a meaning for you than for me.”
Jin swallowed and fisted his hand around the stone.
Kazuya took a deep breath and buried his face in his hands for a moment. He looked up again at Jin and knew he was cold and cruel and he knew the reason just as well.
“You looked at me, Jin”, he murmured. “And you didn’t recognise me.”
Jin pressed his lips together. “You’ve changed so much.”
Kazuya laughed bitterly. It still had felt like a stab and getting over it was hard. Especially, after all those years that he had believed fate would lead them together, eventually.
“I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t expect to even see you here”, Jin said and shrugged. “In my head, seeing you in Tokyo wasn’t even possible.”
“Hm”, Kazuya made. “Anyway, it happened and can’t be undone. It doesn’t matter.”
“It does”, Jin insisted and came a step closer. Now, that he had come here, he wouldn’t let his chance slip that easily. “You came to see me that one time in Sapporo.”
Kazuya looked up, his eyes fierce.
“Five years ago”, Jin said. “You came to see me, after that concert.”
“Because you sang that song for me”, Kazuya mumbled. “I came to watch you and you sang that song you had written years ago.”
“Kokoro no Yukue”, Jin answered. “I’ve written it for you.”
Kazuya smiled slightly. “And then, you made it public for all worlds to hear about us.”
Jin frowned. “I wanted to reach you.”
“And I told you that I wanted to cut off all contact, didn’t I?”
“Then, why did you come to see me?”
Kazuya got up from the couch, his look was heated. But before it could burst out, he controlled himself and fisted his hands. “I didn’t see you. I came to, but I didn’t get to see you. How do you even know?”
“I saw you from the car. We couldn’t stop. Even though I wanted to”, Jin added. “What did you want to say that time?”
Kazuya shook his head. “I don’t know”, he murmured. “Nothing. I just… I was there and suddenly, you played that song, so I thought you must have known that I had been there.”
Jin nodded. “I had thought there was a slight chance.”
“However”, Kazuya said and crossed his arms. “We didn’t meet and it was good we didn’t. There’s nothing to say, Jin.”
Jin bit his lip. “So…”, he said slowly and knew he was betting all on one card. “You’re over what happened ten years ago?”
Kazuya raised his look and for a moment, he looked insecure. Then, he nodded. “We decided to break up and that’s what we did”, he answered. “It’d be ridiculous if any of us wasn’t over it by now.”
Jin forced a smile. “Yeah, that’s true.”
For a moment, they stood like that, avoiding looking at each other.
“I guess, I’d better leave”, Jin said and turned slowly.
Kazuya followed him and watched Jin getting into his shoes. He knew this was the moment to hold Jin back. This was the moment to make sure if - just in the slightest bit - there was still anything between them; if Jin still felt tied to Kazuya, too.
Yet, he didn’t speak up.
“It’s just”, Jin said, as he opened the door, “that in a way, people get nostalgic about their first love, I guess.” He smiled. “I’m happy to see you’ve become like this; with the job, this flat and your looks. You look good, Kame.”
Kazuya smiled and this time, it was the first genuine one ever since Jin had come through the door. “Thanks”, he said and stopped in the door frame, looking at Jin. “Take care.”
“It was nice meeting you again.” Jin turned and he realised that this time, it felt much more real than ten years ago.
“Goodbye.”
It had just gotten worse.
Kazuya stared out of the window of his office and moved a pen between his fingers. He was supposed to work, as he had to meet a deadline, but instead, he sat here and stared out of the window.
It had been two weeks, since Jin had shown up so suddenly at Kazuya’s door and since then, he hadn’t heard anything from Jin - except for a transfer of money to Kazuya’s bank account to pay off the remaining costs for the interior design of Jin’s flat.
Two weeks; and Kazuya felt worse than he had before. Not as worse, as he had felt ten years ago, when Jin had gone away.
But it was close. He just couldn’t think of much else than all those words that had been left unsaid and all the things they could have had.
Jin had bought that painting after all, Kazuya thought and moved his head from one side to the other. But then again, Jin had also said that people just were nostalgic about their first love.
So, Jin had probably just bought the painting, because he got nostalgic, when looking at it.
Someone knocked his door and Kazuya sat straight, pretending to be caught up in his work. Sayori peeked in and smiled at him.
“There are some letters for you, Kamenashi-san”, she said and put a few envelopes to his desk.
“Thanks”, Kazuya said and took them, while she walked out again. It was rare these days to even get letters; most contracts and assignments were handled by e-mail.
He raised a brow, as he opened the first one that was just a bill from one of his suppliers. He quickly scanned it, before he put it aside and opened the next one.
It didn’t have any sender on it and Kazuya frowned. There wasn’t even a letter inside, just a small piece of paper and a ticket.
Kazuya looked at the ticket first; seeing it was an exclusive ticket for a concert for tonight. He got out the piece of paper.
Please come, was all it said and Kazuya raised a brow.
Another concert, he thought. He didn’t think he wanted that. It always hurt to see Jin at a stage.
It had always been Jin’s dream and Kazuya had supported it at any second of the time they had spent together. But eventually, it was that dream that had taken Jin from him.
It were those stages that made Jin unattainable for Kazuya.
He let both slip back into the envelope, before he tried to concentrate on work again.
Kazuya wasn’t surprised of himself, however, as several hours later, he found himself standing in front of the hall, staring up at the entrance, the ticket in his hand.
He had known that he wouldn’t be able to resist it; that he would want to know what Jin was up to and what he would have to say.
Kazuya had never been able to resist, when it had come to Jin.
He looked surprised, as the door opened and Nakamaru came out. “Kamenashi, I am happy you could come!”
Kazuya bowed slightly, before he approached him. “I got a ticket in the mail today.”
Nakamaru smiled. “Jin definitely wanted you to come and see his show tonight.”
“Well”, Kazuya said. “Here I am.” He looked around, as he followed Nakamaru inside. He couldn’t see any girls - usually, before a concert the halls would burst with girls.
“Just go through that door”, Nakamaru said and pointed the way for Kazuya. “I have to prepare a few things. So, I’ll see you later.”
Kazuya looked after Nakamaru, as he disappeared and frowned. Something about this was really odd.
He opened the huge door and walked in.
The hall was rather dark, just a few lights were pointed at the stage. No one was around and Kazuya looked through the room, trying to make out something.
“Thanks for coming”, Jin said and stepped into the light on the stage, his hands in his pockets. He looked up at Kazuya who still stood on the steps down to the lower seats.
Kazuya mimicked Jin’s posture and slowly got down the steps. “What’s this? I wondered about the early time on the ticket already. Did you invite me a bit earlier than the rest of your fans?”
Jin smiled, shaking his head slightly. “No. I rented out this place. Everyone else has gone home. It’s just the two of us.”
Raising a brow, Kazuya stopped, as he reached the bottom of the stairs and stood in front of the stage. “Well, you could have just asked me to come to your place. It wasn’t necessary to spent this much money.”
“It’s okay”, Jin said. “I don’t really mind.”
“I hope you also won’t mind that I am not impressed now.”
Laughing, Jin turned and made a few steps, looking around the hall. “I didn’t think you’d be.”
“So, what did you want to talk about?” Kazuya leaned against the wall next to him and crossed his arms, watching Jin.
“I wanted to revive an old memory. Do you remember, when I first sang Kokoro no Yukue?”
Kazuya tilted his head. “It was our last summer. We were on that field behind Tarumae, beneath the old oak.” He smiled. “You said you’d written a song for me.”
Jin nodded and looked at his shoes. “I decided to tell you back then. And I want to tell you this time again. About the circumstances of my heart.”
For a moment, Kazuya watched Jin, before he took a deep breath and climbed those few stairs up to the stage. He kept standing in the darker part at the side.
“I’ve made a few mistakes”, Jin said. “The first was to let you decide what would happen to us.”
Kazuya frowned a bit. “What do you mean?”
“I left it to you to decide what we would do. I should have told you back then that breaking up wasn’t an option for me.”
“I thought we had agreed that we both wanted it that way.”
Jin shook his head. “No, I felt bad for being so selfish, so I thought it was just fair to let you make that decision.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I should have said what…”
“I think you did”, Kazuya interrupted and came a step closer. Light fell to his face and showed his hurt expression. “You made it clear at the train station, don’t you think? I couldn’t consider your goodbye a goodbye at all.”
Jin stared at him for a moment, one hand still at his nape.
“That is what I would have said, Jin”, Kazuya murmured. “That time in Sapporo. I would have answered you. By not being able to answer that time, I always felt that I owed you something and I couldn’t forget it. Telling me you loved me for the first time, when we had agreed to break up - how could I have considered it as a break-up?”
Jin licked his lips. “And what would you have answered?”
“That I love you, too”, Kazuya said immediately. He kept quiet for a moment. “It was what I said, while watching that train disappear and I always wanted you to know that I loved you, too.”
“That’s probably the next mistake I made”, Jin noticed. “It was up to me to find you and I never came to face the answer.” He took a deep breath. “I should have broken the promise to cut off all contact. I should have come get you.”
Kazuya laughed. “I did fine without you; I didn’t really need you to come and get me, Jin.”
“You left home, didn’t you? You never came back to Tarumae.”
It was hard to say, to admit in front of Jin. “I couldn’t stand that place anymore.”
Jin understood why and pressed his lips together. “You could have studied in Tokyo, too.”
“Too expensive”, Kazuya said and shrugged. “And, actually, too close to you.”
Sighing, Jin approached Kazuya. “See, I shouldn’t have let it come that far. I should have come to get you to live with me.”
“You’re not responsible for me.” Kazuya stepped closer, too. “I’ve been doing well without you, Jin. I don’t need you.”
Jin smiled slightly. “You’re here right now.”
“You asked me to come.”
“You lied, when you said you were over it, didn’t you?” Jin buried his hands in his pockets again. “If you were, you would not have come here.”
It was obvious, Kazuya thought and looked at Jin. There was no point in denying it. “As I’ve said, it has never felt like a goodbye, like a real break-up.”
Jin nodded. “I think so, too.”
Laughing slightly, Kazuya took the last few steps to stand in front of Jin. “And that leaves us where?”
“You know”, Jin said after a moment. “Recently, I thought that you were my best audience so far.”
Kazuya tilted his head slightly.
“Do you remember what you’ve said, after I kissed you for the first time?”
“That we should have done it earlier”, Kazuya answered. He smiled upon that memory.
“No”, Jin murmured and smiled too. “After the very first time.”
“I guess we didn’t really talk, we were both too embarrassed.”
Jin nodded. “Yes, but eventually, you came back out of that tent und you came to sit next to me, as I watched the stars. You told me that they would love my voice.”
Kazuya blinked. “Yeah, I probably did. I always encouraged your singing.”
With a smile, Jin lifted his look to Kazuya’s. “In the end, the only person who really just loves my voice is you.” As Kazuya didn’t answer, Jin went on: “I wanted everyone to listen to me like you did, but when I got there, I realised that it wasn’t the same.”
Frowning, Kazuya licked his lips. “You realised your dream, Jin. Don’t tell me you’re not happy with that, because that would ruin all sacrifices I made.”
“I am happy”, Jin said. “But, no matter how many people fill those halls and no matter how many records I sell, it can’t stand up to what it felt like, when we sat beneath that tree and I sang that song for you. You genuinely enjoyed it and you didn’t even say anything. But I still knew.”
Kazuya nodded. “I did. Of course, I did.”
“That’s why it’s incomplete”, Jin said and looked down again. “You probably don’t need me, but I do need you, Kazuya.”
For a moment, Kazuya kept staring at Jin. He didn’t move, couldn’t say a word, as he heard his heart beat pulsing loudly in his ears.
Dead serious, he thought. Jin had used his name, what made those words dead serious.
“It’s ridiculous”, Kazuya said eventually. “It’s been ten years, after all.”
Lowering his look, Jin bit his lip.
“But I’m happy that not only I foolishly held on to those feelings”, Kazuya added. “I don’t need you to live my life, Jin, but it feels a lot better to know I don’t have to live it without you anymore.”
Smiling, Jin reached out a hand and took Kazuya’s, lacing their fingers. “I’m glad to hear that.”
Kazuya laughed slightly, as he looked around. “I can’t believe you actually rented this place, just to have a talk with me.”
“I felt a bit safer on stage”, Jin answered. “It made it easier for me to talk.”
Kazuya leaned closer and put his free arm over Jin’s shoulder. “So, what’s tonight’s programme? Any special songs you’ll play for me?”
Jin smiled and leaned his forehead against Kazuya’s. “Any requests?”
Without answering, Kazuya caught Jin’s lips with his and slowly kissed him; nothing had changed, he thought, as Jin pulled him closer. It still felt the same to kiss Jin. He still kissed the same way, with passion and a bit rough, without lacking gentleness.
Jin wound his arms around Kazuya and held him tight, burying his face at Kazuya’s nape. He inhaled the scent and closed his eyes, while he felt Kazuya’s heart beating fast against his chest.
Kazuya smiled, as Jin slowly, quietly began to sing.
Those words that described the unchanging circumstances of his heart.
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Thank you so much for reading! ♥