I really know what you meant in your last paragraph. Chaz and I were not close, or really good friends. But we were friendly, and it is hard to know what to feel then. It's not even that you don't know *how* to feel, but *what* you are feeling. You summed up perfectly what I am feeling as well; I want to cry, but I feel guilty, because I can't even begin to know what his family and friends are feeling. I'm glad you understand that.
P.S. Please don't take this the wrong way...it's just there are 20+ people from our department are on LJ, and if any of Chaz's good friends should happen upon this entry, it might cause them some pain to see how you thought some people perceived Chaz. Don't get me wrong; I'm not criticizing or censoring...this is a very respectful and reflective post. I (heart) you, Robert Hanson!
So its been a couple of days now since Chaz's death. People are still mourning his loss, and every once in awhile I sit and remember him. He was a friend, even though we didn't know each other all that well. We were comrades in arms, being fellow music students, and I'm really sad that he's gone now. In the Barber we're singing, the text talks about our relationship with God, and what believers long for. One word sticks out to me... "fellowship" The Music Department is a fellowship, and a bid family. It really stinks when we're mad at each other, but then we things are going well we stick together. So we've lost a family member, not just a fellow student.
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P.S. Please don't take this the wrong way...it's just there are 20+ people from our department are on LJ, and if any of Chaz's good friends should happen upon this entry, it might cause them some pain to see how you thought some people perceived Chaz. Don't get me wrong; I'm not criticizing or censoring...this is a very respectful and reflective post. I (heart) you, Robert Hanson!
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Rest in Peace Chaz. We miss you.
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