Sometimes I just bitch up a storm about how badly my life sucks and then something brings it all into perspective and I realize how much worse things could be. A little boy we use to go to church with, who now lives in the Czech Republic has a cancerous tumor in his chest. He had surgery yesterday and they could not take all of it out, it is tied ( Read more... )

I just don't understand him. He started calling me again three weeks ago after not calling me for months. So I was like okay fine. Maybe we can be friends. So we have been talking everyday and he had started talking about us having a future again after he gets somethings taken care of where he is at. I was not counting on anything. I never do with ( Read more... )

Do you ever feel like you're in a glass fish bowl? Everyone is watching your every move. Some are in your corner wanting you to suceed. But then there are those that are on the edge of their seats, just waiting for you to fuck up or fall flat on your face. They will be there to help me up, but they will rub my face in what I stepped in just before ( Read more... )

I went on a lunch date with a man named Lou today. It was refreshing to have a nice conversation with a man. We talked for about three hours and he asked me to go out again as soon as his family reunion is over and he gets back from hunting. It felt strange not to have a bunch of awkard silence, you know the kind where I feel the need to talk ( Read more... )

My grades

Lit: A
History: C (bitch!)
Algebra: BBBBBBBBBBB!!!!! I can't believe it she gave me a B.

Next semester will have to be much better. I hate getting that damn C. His class sucked and test were all essay and I don't think he even read most of them. He had his favorites and I wasn't one of them. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

I wonder why I keep doing the same shit over and over and expecting different results. I am just screwing up more and more by each day that goes by.

SHIT!!!

I miss my little boy so much, there is nothing that fills that void. Sometimes I forget that it is there, but then I get around children his age and it all comes back. I was such an idiot for giving him up. I was sick and now I'm not. I am the worlds biggest loser. I just wish I could crawl into a hole and die sometimes.

What started my desire, well the main reason, I went to my MHMR appointment three weeks ago and got on the scale and the nurse says, "Oh my god, you have gained 14 pounds." I couldn't believe she was so rude about it. Well I went back yesterday and I have lost 7 pounds. She was almost equally shocked about the weight loss and asked what I was doing ( Read more... )

I lost 2.4 pounds.