(no subject)
A LETTER TO DR. LAURA (funniest)
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle,
for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be
an abomination. ...End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however,
regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.
1.. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Leviticus 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
2.. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3.. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual cleanliness - Leviticus 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.
4.. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and
female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why
can't I own Canadians?
5.. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
myself?
6.. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
- Leviticus 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't
agree. Can you settle this?
7.. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have
a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?
8.. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How
should they die?
9.. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes
me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10.. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two
different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of
two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of
getting the whole town together to stone them? - Leviticus 24:10-16. Couldn't
we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people
who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.
HAHAHAHA :)
and
In defense of Biblical Marriage
The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to: "Pray for the
President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of
marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With any
forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that God's Word
and His standards will be honored by
our government." This is true.
Any good religious person believes prayer should be balanced by action. So
here, in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals, is a proposed
Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage entirely on biblical principles:
A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man
and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5)
B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to
his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)
C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the
wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)
D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be
forbidden. (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)
E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the
constitution of any State, nor any state or federal law, shall be construed
to permit divorce. (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9)
F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the
widow. If he refuses to marry his brother's widow or deliberately does not
give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished
in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10; Deut 25:5-10)