[tv is my anti-drug. oh, wait.]

Jan 08, 2017 23:09

Liveblogging the Golden Globes. As always, please excuse typos.

We open with a traffic jam. Jimmy's in the back of a limo, supposedly singing, but he's either lip-synching or auto-tuned. Joined by other folks who are definitely doing their own singing. Including Kit Harington, who's asleep in the back of his limo. :) In honor of nominated movie La La Land (which my parents saw and adored) this sequence is an MGM Musicals pastiche (I just got done watching "That's Entertainment III") and it's fun to see these folks dancing.

At some point, it switches to NoirVision, with Jimmy as the piano player and Ryan Reynolds leaning on the piano. Audience cam thing. Tina Fey in a bombshell purple gown; Jimmy walks right past her to Justin Timberlake, who fixes his hair and the two of them do the walk up the invisible staircase, followed by a big dance duet. This bit involves Justin doing a pretty-good Jimmy impression. He lands backstage.

That was...less stupid than a lot of opening musical numbers. I'll take it.

Jimmy is onstage in his tux. He says the teleprompter's down, and he does seem to be improvising. The audience is being a good sport about it. We see John Travolta who has clearly had his face work refreshed. Jimmy says the Golden Globes is one of the few places where the American popular vote is still honored. And now we're into the Jimmy-Does-Impressions phase. His Chris Rock impression is not good. GoT joke: "A lot of people are wondering what it would be like if King Joffrey had lived. In 12 days we're going to find out." There is a joke about Florence Foster Jenkins turning down the invitation to sing at the Trump inauguration.

Ryan Reynolds and Emma Stone start out. I like the gray hair Ryan is rocking these days. Emma's gown looks like silver mold on bare skin. Best Supporting Actor Movie: Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Nocturnal Animals. Also nominated: Mahershala Ali, Jeff Bridges, Simon Helberg, Dev Patel. Aaron is an English dude in a tux. He says nice things about his family.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Priyanka Chopra. Priyanka's gown is gold and sparkly and long-sleeved and she looks great. Best Actor TV Drama: Billy Bob Thornton, Goliath. Also nominated: Rami Malek, Bob Odenkirk, Matthew Rhys, Liev Schreiber. BBT is very skinny at the moment and the silver hair looks good, not sure about the tinted shades. He makes a joke about having had a feud with Bob Odenkirk since the 1940s when they did a film together with Van Johnson. I think this bit is a joke I'm not getting. Then BBT stops joking and accepts the award in memory of Luke Scott, a PA on Goliath who I guess passed away last year.

Hugh Grant is announcing Florence Foster Jenkins as a nominee for best picture. He acknowledges that this is weird because he's in it. Is he improvising or just having trouble reading the teleprompter? Clips from the movie.

Drew Barrymore and Timothy Olyphant. Drew's gown is inexplicable. Best Actress TV Comedy: Tracee Ellis Ross, Black-ish . Also nominated: Rachel Bloom, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Sarah Jessica Parker, Issa Rae, Gina Rodriguez. Tracy's gown is silver and strapless and so tight she can't walk? and might be see-through below mid-thigh? But she looks fantastic. This is her first nomination, and she is very excited. She says this award is for all the people of color and colorful people whose stories aren't always seen and heard and known. Tracee is bubbly and excited and it's really cute.

Drew and Timothy are still there. Best TV Series, Comedy Or Musical: Atlanta. Also nominated: Black-ish, Mozart In The Jungle, Transparent, Veep. Donald Glover comes up to accept the award. He is wearing a brown velvet tux and a brown bow tie and he looks great. I think he seriously did not expect to win this.

Jimmy is back. He introduces the president of the HFPA, Lorenzo Soria, who is an older gent in a tux with a lovely speaking voice. His speech is short. Sadly, we get Vince Vaughn next. Go away Vince, I don't like your voice. He introduces clips from Hacksaw Ridge, nominated for Best Picture.

Nicole Kidman and Reese Witherspoon! There is a big height difference. Reese's gown is butter-yellow, which is a hard shade to wear but she looks so so pretty. Nicole also looks gorgeous--her gown is silver and white and fluffy and complicated--there are spaghetti straps and something flouncy around the upper arms. Best Actress In A TV Limited Series, Etc.: Sarah Paulson, The People vs. OJ Simpson.. Felicity Huffman, Riley Keogh, Charlotte Rampling, Kerry Washington. This is not a surprise. Sarah's gown is very shiny. It's, like, gold sparkles and flesh-toned netting? maybe? in some kind of abstract pattern. And may also be see-through in places.

Nicole and Reese are still there. Best Limited TV Series: The People vs. OJ Simpson. I didn't catch all the other nominees, but The Night Manager was in there.

Annette Bening! Someone wolf-whistles in the audience, and deservedly so, because she looks fantastic. Even if her gown is flesh-toned, which I hate. She introduces clips from 20th Century Women, nominated for Best Picture.

Naomi Campbell and Matt Bomer, two very very good-looking people. Naomi's gown is a lovely shade of lavender-pink-ish, and it's both Art Deco and architectural. Best Actor Supporting Role Limited TV Series etc.: Hugh Laurie, The Night Manager. Also nominated: Sterling K. Brown, John Lithgow, Christian Slater, John Travolta. Hugh is very, very handsome but is rapidly losing his hair on top. Also may be losing his English accent, it seems less pronounced than it has been. He describes his win as an obvious mistake, and makes a lot of gloomy jokes about how this may be the very last Golden Globes because something something Republicans.

Sofia Vergara, wearing, of course, a sparkly gown. Apparently sparkly-stuff-on-flesh-toned-netting is big this year. She introduces the Miss Golden Globes, which are Sylvester Stallone and Jennifer Flavin's three daughters, Sophia, Sistine and Scarlet. They are all wearing black and they all look lovely, but they're not on screen long enough for me to see their gowns properly.

Carrie Underwood and Sting. Sting looks like he has always looked. Carrie's gown is a hideous explosion of bubble gum pink rosettes, but she herself looks fine. Best Original Score: Justin Hurwitz, La La Land. Also nominated: Moonlight, Arrival, Lion, Hidden Figures. Justin is young and kind of neurotic and babbly.

Sting and Carrie are still there. Best Song: "City Of Stars", from La La Land.

John Legend, who as always looks fantastic in his tux. He's introducing clips from La La Land, which he is in, and which is nominated for Best Picture. We get to see Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone singing "City Of Stars". They sound good.

Michael Keaton! Hi! Best Supporting Actress In A Movie: Viola Davis, Fences. Also nominated: Naomi Harris, Nicole Kidman, Octavia Spencer, Michelle Williams. Viola's gown is yellow and kind of shiny, it's off one shoulder. She looks beautiful. She talks about taking a risk on translating a play from stage to screen, which, I hadn't realized that was risky, at least not for something by such a well-known playwright (August Willson). I guess that'd be me living in a bubble.

Kristin Bell and Cuba Gooding Jr. Kristin's gown is black and very low-cut in front. Cuba is wearing a tartan tux jacket. Best Actress Limited TV Series etc.: Olivia Coleman, The Night Manager . Also nominated: Lena Headey, Chrissy Metz, Mandy Moore, Thandie Newton. Olivia is not there.

Dev Patel and Sonny ??? the little boy from Lion. He's wearing a tiny little tux and is holding Dev's hand. This is an absurdly cute child. Dev is also adorable, and he's super-adorable picking up Sonny so he can talk into the mic. Oh my heart. They're talking about Lion, which is nominated for Best Picture.

Goldie Hawn and Amy Schumer. They're playing mother and daughter in a movie, and they do a mother-is-scattered-in-public-and-daughter-keeps-her-on-task bit that goes on way too long. Best Actor in a Movie Comedy/Musical/Etc.: Ryan Gosling, La La Land. Also nominated: Colin Farrell (who refuses to smile), Hugh Grant, Jonah Hill, Ryan Reynolds. Ryan G is wearing a white tux jacket and looks very nice. He jokes about this not being the first time he's been mistaken for Ryan Reynolds, implying that Ryan R should have won instead. Ryan G's speech is rambly and goes on for a bit, but finally gets around to thanking Eva (Mrs. Ryan G) and dedicating the award to the memory of Eva's brother, Juan Carlos, who died of cancer.

Felicity Jones and Diego Luna. Diego is so, so cute. He does parts of his intro in Spanish. Felicity's gown is a pretty shade of pink but has black stuff all over it that I don't much like. Best Screenplay: La La Land. Also nominated: Nocturnal Animals, Moonlight, Manchester By The Sea, Hell Of High Water. Damien Chazelle begins by saying that one of the best things about this nomination was that the awards system/process gave him a chance to meet a lot of people whose work he really admires. That's sweet.

Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell. Oh Kristen, no. (See-through dress.) They're voice artists in Despicable Me 3, and the joke is that their mics don't work for the first few lines so they're completely silent. They also joke about how they go to the same hairdresser (Kristen's short blonde hair doesn't look that much like Steve's somewhat pouffy gray hair? I don't know.) Steve tells a joke about seeing Fantasia on the day his parents said they were getting divorced, which Kristen tops by telling a story about seeing Bambi on the day her childhood dogs were put to sleep, etc etc. It's all nonsense, of course, they're doing that thing where they see how much of the audience will believe them before they break. :)

Best Animated Film: Zootopia. Also nominated: Kubo and the Two Strings, Moana, Sing, was there maybe another one in there I missed?

I missed blogging some stuff because my laptop froze.

Jimmy is back, and for once he doesn't screw around or make it all about himself as he introduces a tribute to Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher. Sniffle.

Casey Affleck. He introduces Manchester By The Sea which is nominated for Best Picture. Casey here has been accused of sexual assault and I am not inclined to give him any space on my blog.

Chris Hemsworth and Gal Gadot! These are two very pretty people which makes sense as they are playing superheroes. Gal's dress is skin-tight and sparkly and silver with a black stripe on it that kind of looks like a superhero uniform. :) Best Foreign Film: Elle (France). Also nominated: another French film that I missed the name of, Neruda (Chile), The Salesman (France/Iran), Toni Erdmann (Germany). The guy accepting the award for Elle is surprised that it won, because he says it's not a movie that encourages you to sympathize with the characters. The rest of the speech is basically him enthusing about the lead actress, who looks pleased but embarrassed out in the audience.

Anna Kendrick and Justin Thoreau. Anna's gown is plain unadorned gray, and it has a big fluffy skirt which most gowns tonight haven't, and it's got one bare shoulder and one big wide strap thing over the other shoulder. Best Actor Limited TV Series etc: Tom Hiddleston, The Night Manager. Also nominated: Riz Ahmed, Bryan Cranston, John Turturro, Courtney B. Vance. Hiddles is actually here, for some reason I thought he wasn't. He is really very cute. I think maybe he didn't expect to win? He mostly says he wants to add to Hugh Laurie's thank you speech for the same show, and then the rest of the speech is a story about his charity work in South Sudan. Apparently, while he was there a bunch of MSF doctors came up to him to say that they had binge-watched The Night Manager. :)

Trailer for Beauty and the Beast (I think the trailer's been around for a while and I just hadn't seen it). It does look pretty, but Emma Watson sounds very auto-tuned. Sigh. I suspect that filmmakers now assume that young audiences won't enjoy a 'natural' voice because they're so accustomed to the auto-tune sound.

Jimmy is back. He introduces Jake Gyllenhaal, who is his usual cute beardy self and introduces clips from Deadpool which is (astonishingly) nominated for Best Picture.

Laura Dern and Jon Hamm. Laura looks so, so lovely. Jon has a gray beard and looks also very good. Best Actress TV Series Drama: Clare Foy, The Crown. Also nominated: Catriona Balfe, Keri Russell, Winona Ryder, Evan Rachel Wood. I have to mention that ERW is wearing a trouser suit, which has already gotten a lot of online chatter, and she looks stunning. Clare is blonde at the moment, which looks odd, and her gown is deep pink and sparkly and has big puffy sleeves and has, like, a sash? and looks like a grown-up version of a little girl's dress. She's somehow pulling it off, I think, but it's weird. Clare's thank-you speech includes Queen Elizabeth II, who she has won this award for playing, and her daughter.

Jon and Laura are still here. Best TV Series Drama: The Crown. Also nominated: Game Of Thrones, Stranger Things, This Is Us, Westworld. Peter Morgan, the creator/etc. begins his speech by wishing happy 11th birthday to his son, awww. :)

Viola Davis is back. She's talking about Meryl Streep, who's the recipient of the DeMille award. Her speech involves a Meryl impression and a long-lead up to how very, very, very much she admires Meryl's work. The audience cam spends a lot of time watching Meryl's reactions to Viola's speech. This is must-see TV, my friends. Go find it on YouTube, because I can't adequately describe how powerful this is.

Awww. Meryl's walkup music for her speech is "Mamma Mia". I love that movie. Her dress is black with very, very shiny things stuck to it in patterns. She's completely lost her voice.

[Sidebar: Sarah Jessica Parker WTF?!]

Meryl talks about the many talented actors who are here, beginning with the women. She's talking about where they were born and raised. What she's getting at is that Hollywood is full of foreigners and if we kick them all out "[we will] have nothing to watch except football and Mixed Martial Arts." I have missed a part of Meryl's speech for cat-related reasons. When I get back, she is talking about how the election broke her heart. "Disrespect invites disrespect. Violence incites violence." She then calls for a principled press to call out the outrage. Many people are happy, but the audience cam catches Viggo Mortensen and Mel Gibson looking unhappy and bored. Meryl ends her speech with a Princess Leia quote. Seriously, go watch.

Montage of actors talking about their first job. The running gag is that Chris Pratt's first job was as an actor (he started pretty young on "Everwood") and he's basically never had another job.

Oh my, Chris Pine. Captain Kirk is looking good. He introduces scenes from Hell Or High Water, which he is in and is nominated for Best Picture.

Zoe Saldana, Ben Affleck and Sienna Miller. Zoe is so pretty, but the top of her gown is this ugly pink ruffly thing. (The bottom is a long red skirt. It's a gutsy combo.) Sienna's gown is white and the top looks like a cut-off T-shirt. Best Director: Damien Chazelle, La La Land. Also nominated: Tom Ford, Mel Gibson, Barry Jenkins, Kenneth Nottingham.

Mandy Moore and Milo Ventimiglia. Milo is very short, and he still has the yucky mustache. Best Actor In A Comedy/Musical TV Series: Donald Glover. Also nominated: Anthony Anderson, Gael Garcia Bernal, Nick Nolte, Jeffrey Tambor.

Online chatter tells me that Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal (who co-starred in Y Tu Mama Tambien) are here as each other's dates. That is awesome.

Matt Damon is here. He is not wearing a tux. He looks good in a normal suit though. Best Actress Comedy/Musical Film: Emma Stone, La La Land. Also nominated: Annette Bening, Lily Collins, Hailee Steinfeld, Meryl Streep. Mazel tov, Emma. She starts out by thanking her mom, and winds up by sharing the award with everyone who has struggled in the business.

By the way, it is my devout hope that every award this movie wins makes it more likely that studios will take risks on original movie musicals. Historically, times of political unrest in America have been good times for movie musicals.

Pierce Brosnan, looking very silver foxy indeed, introduces scenes from Sing Street, which is set in Ireland and is nominated for Best Picture. The Commitments, it is not.

Brad Pitt. Still cute. The audience whistles at him a lot. He talks about Moonlight, which is nominated for Best Picture.

Jimmy has changed into a white tux jacket. The next bit is too stupid for me to recap, but it ends up with Jessica Chastain and Eddie Redmayne. Is Eddie going gray?! Jessica's dress is a very becoming shade of pale blue. Best Comedy/Musical Film: La La Land. Not a surprise.

Brie Larsen's long red gown is gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. Best Actor In A Drama Movie: Casey Affleck. Also nominated: Joel Edgerton, Andrew Garfield, Viggo Mortensen, Denzel Washington. Aimee and I are saying some very bad words at the moment. HFPA, do not reward this guy!

Leonardo diCaprio, as always, looks nice in a tux. Best Actress In A Drama Movie: Isabelle Huppert, Elle. Also nominated: Amy Adams, Jessica Chasten, Ruth Negga, Natalie Portman. People seem to be very, very happy for Isabelle, who is crying buckets. Her gown is sparkly silver and maybe part of it is see-through around the waist? I didn't get a good look before the camera switched to only showing her from the elbows up.

Carl Weathers and Sylvester Stallone! Hi guys! Out in the audience, Milo Ventimiglia is very happy to see them. Sylvester Stallone opens the envelope, scans it, and hands it to Carl Weathers to read, because, Best Drama Movie: Moonlight.

And we're done, only four minutes over time. Good night, everybody.

(By the way, yes, I know it's actually "Motion Picture" not Movie. Movie is just faster to type.)

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