okay. i've been studying THANK YOU GOD. i've put up motivation signs all over the place to motivate myself, they say stuff like STUDY!! DON"T SLEEP and SHOPPING COMES LATER.
haha. serously, they do help, really, they help a WHOLE bunch.
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okay. issue time
i feel horribly resenful at people. I don't know why, but sometimes i just do. and that isn't exactly the best thing. I get these fluctuating lousy mood swings. Sometimes i so happy with you, and then later i get thoroughly angry. And these feelings leave me pretty much drained out, which is why i don't like them to come. But sometimes its a nice feeling to be angry with someone. Its like letting off steam, letting go of al that extra energy, in your body into imagining tat person in your mind getting beat up. Yeah,i know its ounds sadistic, but it's an anger management tatic for me.
love. what exactly does it mean and have i felt it before? i know i;m still young to be going out and having relationships./ But sometimes i think it'll be nice to have someone to depend on, and someone who go out of his way to make you happy. And thats one of the most fufilling things. But the ultimate most fufilling thing to do is going out of your own way to make someone else feel happy. Not that you need to do that in a relationship, but maybe having some sturdy, sensitive rock to lean on helps.
i'm growing up, not only physically but mentally as well. I can feel it, sense it and i know it. Things that used to be so iimportant to me have lost that "importancy". thats why i'm saying that i've grown up. I'm more rebeliious now, and i don't know if thats a sign of growing up or not, or maybe its just a perod of teenage agnst that i'll get over in a few months or in a few years. But actually, i rather like the feeling
my discipline sucks. seriously. totally. horribly. I have such a low discipline level, and thats one of the reasons why its so difficult for me to get motivated. To study. But anyway a bad workman quarrels with his tools, and maybe i'm just blaming all thtas happening on something which i know can't argue with me. Well, sorry then discipline, i shan't use you as a convenient scape-goat.
Well, thats just about it, i'm tired and died out,[in more ways than you think] but i've still got to keep going. I keep thinking that the things i want to do will come later but in the end i end up getting distracted. Because of that i've resulted in resolutely digging my fingers into my ears when i start getting distracted and sing out the facts i'm learning. Surprisingly that really helps a whole lot.
yeah well. its pretty late. and don't tell me" LATE?? i THINK ITS PRETTY EARLY, I USUALLY SLEEP AT 3 A.M." well sorry, but me as a definente biological clock person, does not sleep at ungodly hours. Thankyou.
Yeah anyway, its getting late, and as you can obviously see i'm not in a good mood. I'm feeling restless all over, and uncomfortable, i want to go out and have a good 2 km run, but as you can see its about 11 in the night, and this isn't exactly the good time for 2 km runs or 2 km walks for that matter. I know its been a pretty long diary enter, but thanks for bearing with me, espcially if you read all my cuts.
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OH YEAH. this is a happy part of the entry. I wacthed [parts of] two movies today. The glass house and school of rock. the glass house is really nice, and scary and seriously kept me on my toes. And shcool of rock just kept me laughing all the way. Which was good. although i wasted some precious time, that i could have spent studying for my EOYS.
tomorrow's church and i'm thoroughly looking forward to it. Looking forward to seeing lucinda and cheryl and talking to them, bout all my worries. Seriously, without you two, i wouldn't know what to do with myself.
<3 lucinda mummy
<3 cheryl boyfriend
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One last thing: I don't think you understand exactly whats happening to me, or whats going on. I know you, and i know what you want, but i'm not sure, and unless you tell it out to me out loud, I'm not going to say or do anything . Mis-understanding is the last thing i want, and i'm sure its the last thing you want to happen too.Its been going on since last december, and i'm tired of waiting for you. So just tell me okay?Thanks.
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All said and done, i'm tired and i'm going to trudge through one last chapter of science before i sleep.I'm leaving all holiday homework to tomorrow which isn't exactly the best thing, but i;m really too tired to do anything else. So music project, chinese newspaper cutting and math homework, i'm sorry but wait till tomorrow for me to attend to you okay? I've got too many things on my mind now adays, and today was one of the worse days and all. But tomorro'ws church will definetely rejuvenate me, it always days. Ending on a happy note, I'm going to the library tomorrow and i'm going to borrow books. Yea, thats one of the little joys of my downtrodden life. I know its really minor and all, but i would appreciate it if you wouldn't then tell me of your amazing adventures walkign down orchard road, or going to heeren to shop for lip gloss, or plaza singapura to catch a movie marathon. because if you do, i'll just be really angry and super pissed because it would be rubbing salt into the wound, and frankly in my state of mind and mood, i'll just throw the salt in your eyes.
I'm waiting for you, but i get tired too