dumb.
Everything bloody reminds me of him. Every single little thing. Tapestries and suits of armour and flipping through my old books and passing through the Great Hall. Every little thing screams his name and I'm having a hard time not to sob over breakfast.
Muffins, of course. Why did they fucking have to be muffins?
Moving in wasn't so bad, I guess. Aside from the fact that I feel so lonely I could die. This is what I wanted though. Yeah, this is what I wanted. Independence and the pursuit of making a difference my own way. Yessir, this is what I wanted. I've got an office and an outlet now, there's no stopping me. I can only go up from here!
Except when I'm lying alone in my bed at night, and I go to put my arm around nothing but air. I feel pretty low then. Rock bottom, even. Sure as hell felt like I hit rock bottom when I read that Fabian and Kingsley are going to move in together. Undeniably jealous and unsettled there, but it's my own fault. Why would Kingsley live alone just because I left him?
Why did he let me go? He should have fought for me like he fights for everything else.
Time to drown this horrible loneliness in alcohol and a novel. Maybe I can get tipsy and catch a ghost fight. Those are always fun.
Busy busy busy! Back in Hogwarts, not that any of you really care. I've got half of my stuff still in their boxes though, because I'm lazy and can't be bothered to put my shirts into my wardrobe. I'm living out of these cardboard containers. I think I'm going to draw flowers on them and just say they're the latest furniture craze out of Sweden.