Text - Chapter 37
Title: Text
Author: gremlin4
Genre: Humor
Chapter: 37/???
Pairing: Kyo/Ruki
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language.
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.
Summary: A bunch of text messages between Kyo and Ruki.
Do you know of anyone interested in adopting a cat right now?
Specifically a munchkin kitten approximately 4 months old?
Kyo.
You're not giving away your cat.
But I make a terrible owner and you have a mild phobia of cats.
Therefore we shouldn't have one.
It's bad for moral.
Kyo.
We are not getting rid of Mr. Squidge.
Please?
Why?
I thought I already explained this to you.
And I'm calling bullshit.
I was there when you picked out Mr. Squidge, you two fucking bonded or some shit, so I know you really don't want to get rid of him.
I did not bond with a cat.
Let me repeat myself for those too stubborn to understand.
I call Bull Shit.
...
But obviously something must have happened for you to be so upset.
So what was it?
Nothing.
Uh huh.
...
Come one. You can tell me.
I promise not to laugh too much.
I refuse.
Because I won't let you get rid of Mr. Squidge?
Yes.
You wanted a cat.
I'm just making sure you enjoy the ENTIRE experience.
I hate you.
I hate this stupid cat too.
Mr. Squidge is not stupid.
He's a kitten and that means he's going to be curious and adventurous until you train him.
I don't remember agreeing to this.
Oh, don't worry Kyo!
I have the messages saved on my phone just in case!
Stop being so happy about this.
It's not funny.
And how many of our messages do you have saved?
This is hilarious.
And I save them all.
Every Last One.
Why?
For blackmail.
Duh.
Of course.
But we're getting off track here.
You were going to tell me what set off Mr. Short Temper.
...
Get it? Because you're short and angry all the time. Lol
...
I thought it was good.
Your ideas are never good.
Liar. I'm a genius.
...
Certifiably gorgeous genius.
My ideas are always great. Not that you would know since you hardly ever listen to me.
Y'know, you'd probably spare yourself a lot of stress and anger if you just followed my advice.
...
Are you going to tell me what happened yet?
Or do I need to start guessing soon?
...
Come on. You can tell me~
Uh. You're not even here and I can tell you're cooing at your phone like it's really me.
Is it working?
No.
Uh huh.
Stupid got sick sometime in the middle of the night and did it in a place I'd have no choice but to... stumble across it.
It was a lovely surprise first thing in the morning.
He's not stupid.
He puked on the bed.
He's stupid.
Okay, first off... Why is he in the bed?
I thought you said animals weren't allowed on the bed.
He gets lonely?
Fine, at least tell me what part of the bed he got sick on so I know where to avoid for the next eternity.
Your pillow.
What?
Your pillow.
You are such a fucking asshole.
He likes sleeping on your pillow.
Isn't that supposed to be cute?
Not when he gets sick all over it!!!
Eh... So, that happened.
Not a pleasant start to the day to say the least.
Gee, I wonder why?!
It's probably your fault anyway.
Lies.
Did you forgot to give him his meds again? Or give him the meds LATE, like y'know, the vet told you not to do?
...
Okay, so one of those is true, obviously. And that means that the reason Mr. Squidge is sick is uh... well... YOU.
So who's the stupid one here?
Why'd I have to get the only cat in Tokyo who would somehow manage to get fleas and then have an allergic reaction to them?
What with your weak immune system being what it is. He reminds me of you.
In fact, I call that a match made in heaven. You sure can pick 'em Kyo!
Stop laughing at me.
So he got sick. That's no reason to get rid of him Kyo.
I had to do laundry.
At 9 in the morning.
And it looks like you survived the experience.
Congratulations!
...
So that's it?
Mr. Squidge got sick once and you're ready to ship him off like nothing?
He also messed up the recordings.
What?!
How'd he get into the home studio?
...
Kyo!
He just kept following me around, crying.
Jumping into my lap, begging for attention.
What was I supposed to do?
Did it ever cross your mind to use the baby gate?
But then he'd get lonely and cry more.
Uh huh.
So then it's your fault.
Again.
...
Oh, stop pouting.
Your cat wants to spend time with you.
It's a good thing!
Not when said creature is this retarded.
For the last time, Mr. Squidge isn't stupid. He's a kitten!
If he's mine, he's stupid.
Mr. Stupid.
Argh.
I don't have time for this.
I'm needed back on set soon.
...
Don't think you're off the hook just yet mister!
What?
Why am I in trouble?
You let him get sick in the bed!
I didn't LET him.
Doesn't matter. It's your fault it happened.
Meaning you're the one who needs to throw out the WHOLE bedding set and replace it.
I already washed everything Ruki.
It's fine.
No, the fuck it is!
I refuse to sleep on anything someone threw up on. Cat or not!
But it's your beloved Mr. Squidge.
I don't care if it was Jesus Christ! I am not sleeping on it.
...
Kyo!
Fine. I'll get a new bedding set.
Good! Maybe that'll teach you to stick to the schedule of meds the vet told you to.
Stupid fucking cat.
And stop calling him stupid!!
He's mine, he's stupid.
Uh, whatever. I have to go now.
...
I miss you too, you big crybaby.
I'll see you when I get home tomorrow.
In the meantime, you're not allowed to get rid of Mr. Squidge.
Damn.
Or kill him.
Fine.
I guess I'll just have to settle for burning the bedding and imagine it's Mr. Stupid.
Kyo.
...
It's okay, Kyo.
I know you're only angry because you love and worry about him so much.
Like me.
I hate you both.
You're so sweet!!
We love you too~
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Note: Is it bizarre that I can totally see something like this happening between them? Nahhhhhh. >.>
Author: gremlin4
Genre: Humor
Chapter: 37/???
Pairing: Kyo/Ruki
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language.
Disclaimer: Still don't own them.
Summary: A bunch of text messages between Kyo and Ruki.
Do you know of anyone interested in adopting a cat right now?
Specifically a munchkin kitten approximately 4 months old?
Kyo.
You're not giving away your cat.
But I make a terrible owner and you have a mild phobia of cats.
Therefore we shouldn't have one.
It's bad for moral.
Kyo.
We are not getting rid of Mr. Squidge.
Please?
Why?
I thought I already explained this to you.
And I'm calling bullshit.
I was there when you picked out Mr. Squidge, you two fucking bonded or some shit, so I know you really don't want to get rid of him.
I did not bond with a cat.
Let me repeat myself for those too stubborn to understand.
I call Bull Shit.
...
But obviously something must have happened for you to be so upset.
So what was it?
Nothing.
Uh huh.
...
Come one. You can tell me.
I promise not to laugh too much.
I refuse.
Because I won't let you get rid of Mr. Squidge?
Yes.
You wanted a cat.
I'm just making sure you enjoy the ENTIRE experience.
I hate you.
I hate this stupid cat too.
Mr. Squidge is not stupid.
He's a kitten and that means he's going to be curious and adventurous until you train him.
I don't remember agreeing to this.
Oh, don't worry Kyo!
I have the messages saved on my phone just in case!
Stop being so happy about this.
It's not funny.
And how many of our messages do you have saved?
This is hilarious.
And I save them all.
Every Last One.
Why?
For blackmail.
Duh.
Of course.
But we're getting off track here.
You were going to tell me what set off Mr. Short Temper.
...
Get it? Because you're short and angry all the time. Lol
...
I thought it was good.
Your ideas are never good.
Liar. I'm a genius.
...
Certifiably gorgeous genius.
My ideas are always great. Not that you would know since you hardly ever listen to me.
Y'know, you'd probably spare yourself a lot of stress and anger if you just followed my advice.
...
Are you going to tell me what happened yet?
Or do I need to start guessing soon?
...
Come on. You can tell me~
Uh. You're not even here and I can tell you're cooing at your phone like it's really me.
Is it working?
No.
Uh huh.
Stupid got sick sometime in the middle of the night and did it in a place I'd have no choice but to... stumble across it.
It was a lovely surprise first thing in the morning.
He's not stupid.
He puked on the bed.
He's stupid.
Okay, first off... Why is he in the bed?
I thought you said animals weren't allowed on the bed.
He gets lonely?
Fine, at least tell me what part of the bed he got sick on so I know where to avoid for the next eternity.
Your pillow.
What?
Your pillow.
You are such a fucking asshole.
He likes sleeping on your pillow.
Isn't that supposed to be cute?
Not when he gets sick all over it!!!
Eh... So, that happened.
Not a pleasant start to the day to say the least.
Gee, I wonder why?!
It's probably your fault anyway.
Lies.
Did you forgot to give him his meds again? Or give him the meds LATE, like y'know, the vet told you not to do?
...
Okay, so one of those is true, obviously. And that means that the reason Mr. Squidge is sick is uh... well... YOU.
So who's the stupid one here?
Why'd I have to get the only cat in Tokyo who would somehow manage to get fleas and then have an allergic reaction to them?
What with your weak immune system being what it is. He reminds me of you.
In fact, I call that a match made in heaven. You sure can pick 'em Kyo!
Stop laughing at me.
So he got sick. That's no reason to get rid of him Kyo.
I had to do laundry.
At 9 in the morning.
And it looks like you survived the experience.
Congratulations!
...
So that's it?
Mr. Squidge got sick once and you're ready to ship him off like nothing?
He also messed up the recordings.
What?!
How'd he get into the home studio?
...
Kyo!
He just kept following me around, crying.
Jumping into my lap, begging for attention.
What was I supposed to do?
Did it ever cross your mind to use the baby gate?
But then he'd get lonely and cry more.
Uh huh.
So then it's your fault.
Again.
...
Oh, stop pouting.
Your cat wants to spend time with you.
It's a good thing!
Not when said creature is this retarded.
For the last time, Mr. Squidge isn't stupid. He's a kitten!
If he's mine, he's stupid.
Mr. Stupid.
Argh.
I don't have time for this.
I'm needed back on set soon.
...
Don't think you're off the hook just yet mister!
What?
Why am I in trouble?
You let him get sick in the bed!
I didn't LET him.
Doesn't matter. It's your fault it happened.
Meaning you're the one who needs to throw out the WHOLE bedding set and replace it.
I already washed everything Ruki.
It's fine.
No, the fuck it is!
I refuse to sleep on anything someone threw up on. Cat or not!
But it's your beloved Mr. Squidge.
I don't care if it was Jesus Christ! I am not sleeping on it.
...
Kyo!
Fine. I'll get a new bedding set.
Good! Maybe that'll teach you to stick to the schedule of meds the vet told you to.
Stupid fucking cat.
And stop calling him stupid!!
He's mine, he's stupid.
Uh, whatever. I have to go now.
...
I miss you too, you big crybaby.
I'll see you when I get home tomorrow.
In the meantime, you're not allowed to get rid of Mr. Squidge.
Damn.
Or kill him.
Fine.
I guess I'll just have to settle for burning the bedding and imagine it's Mr. Stupid.
Kyo.
...
It's okay, Kyo.
I know you're only angry because you love and worry about him so much.
Like me.
I hate you both.
You're so sweet!!
We love you too~
I'm surrounded by idiots.
Note: Is it bizarre that I can totally see something like this happening between them? Nahhhhhh. >.>