Comments | grenadier32: Dear James Cameron: FIFY

grenadier32

Dear James Cameron: FIFY

Feb 02, 2010 23:23

I fixed Avatar!

It was easy. All it needed was a patch, and suddenly I can look at its setting without bursting out laughing!

Ready? ( Here it is. (minor spoilers) )

Comments 17

sniffnoy February 3 2010, 04:40:37 UTC

Actually FWIW brains are surprisingly good at adapting to new modes of input and output...

roosacoffeejew February 3 2010, 04:49:58 UTC

See, the problem with that is that if you added that in, the fact that the movie is basically "Titanic" + "Aliens" would be too blatantly obvious even by Cameron's standards. The whole "what if the aliens were created specifically for this purpose" bit was already used in the Alien movies (I've never seen any of them in their entirety, but Alex has explained this to me in the past). The way that the aliens' life cycle works is far too perfectly suited for using the human anatomy for it to be coincidental--it's as though some nutjob genetically engineered a new lifeform, specifically intending for said lifeform to use humans as egg receptacles. I don't know if the point was ever made explicit in any of the movies, but either way it's certainly been discussed quite a bit.

grenadier32 February 3 2010, 04:53:01 UTC

Mm, I've never seen the Alien movies--I suppose if that's the case, it would make the above possibility something of a cliche. Still though, I think it'd have been better than the complete bullshit that the movie was otherwise feeding me.

roosacoffeejew February 3 2010, 05:02:32 UTC

Would retconning anything even have a purpose? I mean, visuals aside, the movie was inevitably going to be shitcakes purely due to the fact that Cameron took the easy way out with absolutely everything in the film. Copypasta plot? Check. Villains who you automatically hate because they're unreasonable douchebags who beat cripples? Check. Alien race who you "sympathize" with simply because they have boobs and animu eyes? Check. One-dimensional cast of characters? Check. The list goes on. He didn't just rip other people off, he even ripped himself off just for the hell of it. It's like watching some kind of idiot version of "Titanic in Space."

grenadier32 February 3 2010, 05:05:33 UTC

Welcome to Hollywood... the bigger the budget, the more safe the plot has to be. Cameron is a master of making returns on investments. :-P

Thread 5

hurkon February 3 2010, 04:58:56 UTC

That's a pretty good attempt, but I think Avatar is probably beyond fixing. It's just a Disney movie (Pocahontus) with blue people.

On an unrelated note, it amuses me greatly that you now watch Dr. Who. Hooray for the unstoppable virus!

grenadier32 February 3 2010, 05:03:48 UTC

Hehehe. Perhaps more amusingly, if you throw in any of my patches, it basically moves from Pocahontas to an unusually high-budget Doctor Who episode, perhaps needing only a Big Reveal moment.

On that note, it took the regularity of NSO screenings to finally get me into Doctor Who. I think the point of no return for me was about halfway through the season with the 9th Doctor (despite the distaste that so many people look back on his year with).

hurkon February 3 2010, 05:11:28 UTC

Yes, it would probably make a pretty good (but not great) Dr. Who episode.

I don't know why people dislike 9. He was great!

ncarraway February 3 2010, 06:03:23 UTC

I can only speak for myself, but my dislike of the Ninth Doctor, despite my admiration for the actor who plays him, stems almost completely from the fact that he is nothing like the Doctors I saw in my childhood. In his retreat from the horror of the Time Lord & Dalek mutual genocide, the pranks, childish curiosity and playful godliness have been replaced by lonely, bitter smallness. That's what the writers decided they wanted, and despite the fact that the character has nothing to do with Doctor Who, Eccleston did a bang-up job portraying him. When the Tenth had all of those lost qualities in amounts never before recorded, of course, he became the most popular Doctor ever; it was as though the fans had earned back the old Doctor with interest.

Nine also began a brave new era in which the Doctor has a kinky interest in interspecies romance. Ew. Just ... ew.

Thread 7

jonthedull February 3 2010, 08:14:04 UTC

I've not seen Avatar. I would consider seeing it if it had Daleks in it... Daleks with blue CGI boobs.

grenadier32 February 3 2010, 17:27:57 UTC

Holy shit! The Daleks created Pandora as an experiment so they could simulate the best way to EXTERMINATE ALL HUMANS!

samjolnir February 4 2010, 02:41:35 UTC

THE NA-VI ARE SU-PE-RI-OR TO THE DA-LEK IN ONLY ONE RE-SPECT

(Foster, I'm counting on you for this one.)

tera4m February 3 2010, 16:46:21 UTC

Or, this is the cheesy movie which led to a line of toys, which were then given super advanced... military... missile... processors... or something.

And suddenly, we have Small Soldiers.

Just imagine that Colonel Quaritch's real name was Chip Hazard.