King of the Garden
group: iKON
characters: junhoe-centric, ot9, junhwan if you squint
rating: PG-13
genre: crack/animal!au
word count: ~1.2k
warnings: language, please suspend any and all beliefs you may have about animals and their behaviors.
a/n: first fic for the ikon fandom, and it's a disaster, basically. how many bad inside jokes can you spot?
please blame this entire fic on sam. it is entirely her fault. also I know sheep don't usually live in gardens but?? chanwoo was originally going to be a bear cub so I think this is arguably better.
references (junhoe's is the one that inspired the entire fic): junhoe | jinhwan | b.i | bobby | yunhyeong | donghyuk | chanwoo | hongseok | jinhyeong
It’s a sunny day.
Junhoe steps out of the sliding glass doors of his house, preening as the warm rays of sun strike his fur. He blinks, once, twice, as his eyes adjust to the brightness, and leaps for his favorite green basket.
His human has left a strange pink frilly thing in it - intrigued, he slips it over his head, and it shades his eyes from the unrelenting light.
He finds he very much likes this contraption, and reminds himself to praise his human for acquiring this lovely contraption later.
He coughs, spitting a small hairball to the side (not aiming at all, really, and thus doesn’t even blink when he hears a disgruntled squeak from under a bush next to him) and draws himself up to full height.
“I, JUNHOE, KING OF THE JUNGLE-”
“This is a garden, and you’re not a lion.”
“SHUT UP!” Junhoe hisses, hackles raised.
No one tells him what to do in his jungle.
“That’s hyung to you, dear cat.” Hanbin crawls out from under a bush, still picking out bits of hair and lint from his fur. Chanwoo attempts to help him, immediately sticking out a hoof to try and brush some debris away, but stops after realizing he’s probably crushing Hanbin (a fact which is not missed by Junhoe, and finds it most unfortunate indeed.)
Junhoe rolls his eyes. “I literally eat your kind for breakfast. Hell, Jinhwan-hyung eats your kind for breakfast. So shut up, you stupid rat, and be grateful I even give you the time of day.”
“Well, as a matter of fact, you never give anyone the time of day,” Donghyuk pipes up, bouncing across the lawn, “the clock on the wall does! Actually, did you know that you can tell the time by looking at the position of the sun in the sky? Right now, I think it’s…”
“Alright, Donghyuk-ah, you might want to stop before you blind yourself,” Jinhwan chuckles.
The bunny blinks, long grey ears flopping as he shakes his head.
“Pupil dilation!” he yells, but no one pays him any mind.
“Much loud! Such bright!” someone screams, and Junhoe’s eyes narrow as his head towards the source of the sound - namely, one very large and very annoying Shiba Inu, rusty chain around his neck clinking as he moves. A smaller Australian Shepherd puppy trails slightly behind, who immediately catches sight of Chanwoo and starts chasing the poor lamb.
Useful for once in his life, Hanbin gets to screaming before Junhoe has to, letting loose a “shut up, Bobby-hyung!” as he finally shakes free the last bits of cat fur from his head. “And Jinhyeong, stop chasing Chanwoo!”
“What did he do this time?” Yunhyeong asks, popping up from his preferred hidey-hole under the lawn and scaring Donghyuk into leaping about ten feet in the air.
“He refuses to speak properly,” a far-too-amused Jinhwan says, “although it’s not like he ever does in the first place, so I don’t know why anyone still bothers.”
“Is it a foreign thing? I bet it’s a foreign thing, you can pick up weird things in different countries,” Yunhyeong replies, looking towards the trees for a confirmation from the only other member of their ragtag troupe with any experience living overseas.
Hongseok tweets indignantly, ruffling his feathers. “I can assure you, I do nothing of the sort. Either it’s an American thing, or just a Bobby thing.”
They all turn to look at Bobby, who’s decided it was a good time to start gnawing on his much-abused Winnie the Pooh plush toy, and decide to chalk it up to just Bobby being Bobby.
“Chanwoo-yah!” Hanbin shouts, springing to his feet, “I want some ice cream!”
Chanwoo’s ears perk up, but Jinhyeong seems to have no desire to stop chasing him anytime soon. “In a minute, hyung!”
“Not in a minute, I want it now!”
“Many rush. Should hush. Why ice cream for lunch?”
“You’re not a rapper, Bobby-hyung, so just stop,” Yunhyeong laughs, nuzzling Donghyuk’s butt. The bunny immediately springs away, and the sudden movement startles Jinhyeong into chasing him instead of Chanwoo. Hanbin gestures expectantly at the trash pile, and with a weary sigh, Chanwoo knocks it over and starts hunting.
Junhoe looks at them, judgment level increasing by the thousand with every word (“they have strawberry, Hanbin-hyung!” “I want CHOCOLATE! If they don’t have chocolate, you better go to Jinyoung’s house and brave his stupid beefy guard dogs to get some!”) and rolls his eyes.
“It’s alright, Junhoe-yah,” Jinhwan purrs beside him, patting him on the head (Junhoe has to bend down some, but he doesn’t mind, because it’s Jinhwan, and Jinhwan is cute as fuck, so there).
Junhoe puts his paw over Jinhwan’s, marveling at the size difference with a hum, and curls up in his basket. Jinhwan’s paw is warm, and he likes that.
Hanbin bursts out of the trash pile a moment later, discarded clothing tags lying across his head. He looks immensely pleased with himself. Chanwoo, on the other hand, has pink smudges on his white fur, and looks unfortunately worse for wear.
“You look stupid,” Junhoe deadpans, and Yunhyeong nods in agreement. He looks like Bobby, what with his trashy accessories, and he looks like those people that show up on his human’s television screen sometimes, the ones that like to shout to wompy-wompy instrumentals about getting money or girls or turning up. Junhoe’s never figured out what exactly they’re trying to turn up (so far, his best guess is the volume, but it’s already so loud - why would they want or need to play it any louder? Humans are weird.)
Hanbin tsks. “You’re the one with a pink frilly thing around your head.”
“At least this has a practical application,” Junhoe huffs, “it protects my delicate skin from the sun.”
“Well, you’re facing the direction of the sun right now,” Donghyuk says, bounding over to snuggle up to Jinhwan (Junhoe wrinkles his nose at this, but allows Donghyuk to stay), “so that shade is actually kind of useless.”
He changes his mind. He no longer wants Donghyuk around, and slashes at him.
Donghyuk leaps away, which triggers Bobby into chasing after him with a loud, high-pitched scream. He barrels right for Hanbin and Chanwoo, the former of whom leaps onto Chanwoo’s back and shouts, “onward, my trusty steed!” one foot clamped firmly on the plastic tab of his price tags.
Yunhyeong burrows back underground, eager to avoid the fray, and Jinhyeong, bless his dear heart, tries to follow him, but only gets his head stuck in the hole. Hongseok flies over and clamps Jinhyeong’s tail in his beak and readies himself to pull, but the pain in itself is enough to get Jinhyeong to break the surface of the lawn, leaving a gaping hole.
Donghyuk ends up running straight for Junhoe, and he hisses, leaping up onto the fence, but immediately regrets it (trust that he’d be the only cat with a fear of heights, really) until Jinhwan curls up beside him, smiling serenely.
“It’s a calamity, isn’t it?” he says, closing his eyes and settling down for a nap.
Junhoe can only agree, watching as Yunhyeong grabs hold of a pink tube and start screaming, which makes Bobby start screaming, which makes everyone start screaming, and he gives up and closes his eyes, resting his head on the soft fur of Jinhwan’s back.
It’s hard being king of the garden.
(“THAT'S NO-NO!” Bobby screams, as their human emerges from the house and throws a newsboy cap at the fray, but it is paid no heed.)