of christmas plans and cilantro
group: iKON
pairing: friends!donghyuk/junhwe, donghyuk/bobby, junhwe/jinhwan
rating: pg-13
genre: romance, comedy
word count: ~2k
warnings: language
a/n: requested by an anon on tumblr! what is this absolute nonsense honestly lmao. it's 5am and here's another shitty christmas fic lol
like most people, donghyuk loves the holidays. like the sourpuss he is, junhwe hates them.
this comes as no surprise to anyone who even remotely knows the two of them. but what is a surprise is junhwe approaching donghyuk the week before christmas and asking for help finding a gift for jinhwan.
“am i hearing this right?” donghyuk asks, “you, koo junhwe, who never ever does anything for anyone without expecting something in return, is asking me for advice on a gift? you do realize that the whole point of gift giving is about generosity and being nice?”
“this was a mistake,” junhwe mumbles, almost to himself, “forget i ever asked anything, i’m just going to go hibernate for a week, wake me up when it’s december 26th and there’s presents for me that i haven’t opened yet.”
“hold up hold up,” donghyuk says, standing up and grabbing junhwe by the wrist to pull him down onto the sofa with him, “is this a ‘gift for jinhwan-hyung because we’re all getting gifts for each other’ or a ‘gift for jinhwan-hyung because he’s cute and i want to cuddle him forever’?”
junhwe buries his face in his hands. “i never should have told you anything. what about you and bobby, huh? you get anything for that nut yet?”
“well, i, uh,” donghyuk sputters. the truth of the matter is no, he has not in fact gotten anything for bobby. to be even more truthful, if his best friend in the group were anyone except junhwe, he probably would have asked for help. but as it stands, junhwe is his best friend in the group, and he has no gift for bobby. this is especially bad considering that bobby is not only his favorite hyung, but also the object of his potentially not-one-sided affections for the past two-odd years.
“i’m just gonna take that as a no.” junhwe stretches out, throwing his long legs carelessly over donghyuk’s own. “we’re screwed, man. two screwed, screwed, totally not being screwed sad young men.”
“junhwe,” donghyuk hisses, “don’t say it like that.”
“but it’s true. here we are, pining. for all we know, they’re screwing each other. with hanbin. god, that gives me unpleasant mental images.”
“then don’t think about it!” donghyuk groans, burying his face in his hands. he’s 99% sure that that’s actually not happening, but it’s infinitely worse that they’ve all seen each other naked before, so the images are already ready and presenting themselves in his head before he can even consciously stem the flow.
junhwe runs his hand down his face, stroking his chin absently. “god, why do we even like them anyways. scratch that, everyone likes jinhwan-hyung. that’s what makes my life so difficult.”
“everyone likes bobby-hyung, too,” donghyuk says, a natural defensive reflex at this point. even though everyone knows that junhwe and bobby aren’t the fondest of each other, donghyuk still somehow feels the need to defend bobby in his absence.
he supposes that’s what love feels like.
junhwe just scoffs. “name three things that are great about him.”
“he’s fun, sweet, has a hot body…”
“are you sure we’re talking about the same jiwon, here?”
“well, why don’t you name something about jinhwan-hyung, then?”
“easy. he’s cute, is the perfect height next to me, and doesn’t make fun of me.”
donghyuk rolls his eyes, but lets junhwe have it. “we are so whipped, aren’t we.”
“yep.”
the two of them sit in silence, wondering just how things got to this point. then:
“why don’t we do some of that, like, christmas confession kinda shit?”
junhwe looks very pleased with himself. donghyuk is immediately struck with the following thoughts:
1. he should have thought of that first.
2. this can either go very well or very poorly
3. junhwe’s literally giving himself as a gift. he may have just hit a new low.
“so, like, we’ll wingman for each other, right?” junhwe looks at donghyuk expectantly. “we need to get yunhyeong-hyung to take hanbin and chanwoo out somewhere or something like that. god knows hanbin’s great at fucking plans up.”
donghyuk lets out an involuntary shudder - hanbin has gained a reputation between the two of them as the king of poor timing. somehow, any time there’s even a remote possibility of donghyuk or junhwe getting some alone time with bobby or jinhwan, he manages to show up and either make it some kind of weird group affair or drags them off to do whatever it is they do.
“definitely. i’ll ask yunhyeong-hyung later tonight.”
“good. let me know when you think of something to do so i don’t end up doing the same thing.”
“you mean you need ideas.”
“…no.”
*
a few days later, donghyuk finds himself being yanked from the hallway into one of the dorm’s bathrooms.
“gosh, junhwe,” donghyuk drawls, “how shameless! at least let me get in the mood, first.”
“oh, shut up.” junhwe rolls his eyes. “plans?”
“yunhyeong-hyung agreed to take hanbin-hyung and chanwoo to his family’s restaurant for a single man’s meat party.”
“you know, i’ve never understood why you keep calling hanbin ‘hyung,’ he’s literally two months older than you.”
“it’s a respect thing,” donghyuk sighs, “something totally lost on you.”
“hey, i’m respectful!” junhwe huffs. “as long as i need to be.”
“…anyways,” donghyuk sighs, “the current plan is i’m staying in.”
“oh, i’ll take jinhwan-hyung to a cafe then.” junhwe nods to himself, pleased with this turn of events. “nice planning with you.” he pats donghyuk on the shoulder, then pushes past him to exit the bathroom, only to find the absolute last person he probably wanted to see on the other side of the door.
“junhwe! why didn’t you tell me you and donghyuk were having secret meetings in the bathroom!”
“god, maybe because they’re secret?” junhwe side-steps bobby and makes haste for his room, leaving donghyuk standing awkwardly face to face with bobby in the bathroom doorway.
“i, um, kinda need to pee,” bobby says, “so i mean unless you want to stay-”
“uh, nope! i’m good!” donghyuk runs out the door to his own room, shutting the door firmly behind him with a loud exhale.
“everything alright?” jinhwan asks, raising an eyebrow at him from his spot on the bed.
“yeah,” donghyuk sighs, heading for his own bunk. he still finds it terribly ironic that him and junhwe are rooming with each other’s respective crushes.
“you excited for christmas?”
donghyuk knows that jinhwan means it as a simple question, but he can’t help but break into hysterical laughter, because jinhwan just doesn’t know at all.
“you bet, hyung.”
*
christmas day.
they are awakened, predictably, to bobby running down the halls and screaming “MERRY CHRISTMAS” at the top of his lungs. hanbin throws a pillow at him, but bobby remains undeterred.
“SHUT THE FUCK UP,” junhwe finally yells, to which bobby retorts “SUCK IT UP!”
fifteen minutes later, all seven of them are assembled in various stages of dishevelment in the living room. hanbin and junhwe keep drooping onto each other, while yunhyeong, jinhwan, and chanwoo appear appropriately excited. donghyuk himself falls somewhere in the middle, but he’s getting there.
“presents!” bobby yells, handing out the gifts from where they’d been stacked by the television to their intended recipient.
as expected, most of the gifts comprise of assorted clothes, accessories, and snacks, with the odd regifted item thrown in (donghyuk swears that hanbin and bobby are just exchanging clothes at this point.)
“so!” bobby says, plopping down next to donghyuk on the floor, “any grand plans for the day?”
“just living that single life,” hanbin calls from the sofa, eliciting a chorus of groans all around. despite the fact that all of them are as painfully single as hanbin is (well, donghyuk hopes that he won’t be soon), hanbin’s the only one who makes a point of announcing it every chance he gets. junhwe swats at him with his new t-shirt.
“anyone else?” bobby asks.
donghyuk shoots yunhyeong a meaningful look, followed by a zipper motion across his lips.
“well, how about lunch, then?” bobby asks, “instant noodles all around?”
“come on, chanwoo,” yunhyeong laughs, jumping up from the sofa, “let’s go make something before the rest of these idiots screw it up.”
“hyung, it’s not like i’m that good either,” chanwoo grumbles, but follows nonetheless.
bobby throws an arm around donghyuk’s shoulder, humming contentedly. hanbin’s slumped over on the sofa again, ready to take another nap, while junhwe’s got his chin perched on jinhwan’s shoulder while the eldest plays a game on his phone.
“nice, isn’t it?” bobby muses. “could be worse, as far as christmases go.”
“it could,” donghyuk agrees. it could be better, he doesn’t say.
after a quick lunch of ramyeon, yunhyeong promptly manhandles hanbin and chanwoo into getting dressed and leaving the dorm, shooting donghyuk a thumbs up and a mouthed ‘good luck!’ as he does.
donghyuk’s mouth goes dry as the realization finally hits him.
he’s actually doing this.
“hey,” bobby says, walking out of the bathroom, “where’d hanbin ‘n them go?”
donghyuk tries his best to look nonchalant and shrug. “dunno.”
“looks like it’s just you and me then, eh?” bobby grins, and donghyuk’s heart does that funny little thing where it skips a beat and then goes too fast.
“looks like it,” donghyuk says, but it’s premature - the door to jinhwan and his room opens with a bang, and out staggers who else but jinhwan and junhwe, looking exactly like they’d been making out against a door that hadn’t been properly closed.
“this-this is not what it looks like!” junhwe yells, shoving jinhwan back inside the room, “not at all!”
bobby lets out a loud whoop, and donghyuk is simultaneously embarrassed for junhwe and for himself.
“look at them,” bobby sighs voice fond, “junhwe’s all grown up. kissing boys and breaking hearts. hopefully more of the former than the latter.”
“thank god hanbin’s not here,” is all donghyuk can think to say, because wow, their plans are all totally shot and he’s never been good at playing things by ear.
“we’d never hear the end of it.” out of nowhere, bobby leans down and kisses donghyuk on the tip of the nose. it’s sweet and quick, and entirely unexpected.
“what was that?” donghyuk manages to ask after a few moments of mental hyperventilation.
bobby shrugs, and donghyuk’s attention is drawn to a sprig of green in bobby’s left hand.
“is that-” donghyuk almost says mistletoe, and wouldn’t that be perfect, really, but then he realizes the truth. “that looks like the cilantro from the fridge.”
“is it?” bobby brings it closer to eye level. “oh. no wonder. this was junhwe’s gift.”
donghyuk resists the urge to smack his head against the nearest wall.
“well, i’ll just go put this back,” bobby says, “but we can proceed without plants, right?”
“we-what?”
“i mean, unless i was reading this all wrong, and you actually don’t want to? am i assuming things? this is what i get for asking hanbin for romantic advice, honestly, why did i ever-”
donghyuk grabs bobby by the front of his pajamas and pulls him down to shut him up. it starts off ungainly, but eventually the two of them figure it out, things growing heated as they move closer.
“gross,” donghyuk hears junhwe’s deadpan, and his eyes snap open as junhwe and jinhwan walk past. “please, get a room.”
“we share a room!” bobby reminds him. “i’m going on your bed!”
junhwe gives him the finger.
“just go, junhwe,” donghyuk almost-whines, and the younger acquiesces, but only after bobby swears on his life that they won’t do anything in junhwe’s bed.
“his bed’s useless, anyways.” bobby shrugs after the door slams shut, “he’s on the top bunk. you can’t do shit up there.”
“like what?” donghyuk asks.
“wanna find out?”
“bobby-hyung, stop doing that thing with your eyebrows i swear to god-”
will i ever stop writing shitty fics with shitty endings??? more at never lmao. what am i doing with my life tbh
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