What we probably *won't* be doing...

[greyfuzzy]

Let me take a break from incessant posts about details of the planning process, and instead talk a little bit about my thoughts on some common American wedding traditions and activities.

Don't get me wrong, I am not bashing anyone who DID choose to do these things for their wedding. I am simply stating that I don't really understand their purpose, and that they will likely have no place in OUR wedding.

• The diamond engagement ring. Do your homework, ladies - we only feel we 'need' diamonds because DeBeers had more diamonds than they knew what to do with and had to figure out a way to market them. The diamond engagement ring hasn't even been the norm for 100 years yet! Seriously, your grandmother likely didn't even have one, and your great-grandma almost certainly didn't. Not to mention that it's a pretty American phenomenon anyway. Did I mention that sapphire engagement rings are fairly common among royalty...?
• The white dress (and white everything). Am I the only one who finds it a little odd that the shade of your dress was once thought to be a picture your virginity and wealth (or lack thereof)? Whose business is that, anyway? And why didn't the groom have to wear white? The main purpose of wedding attire should be to make the bride/groom look and feel attractive. Period. And what of the white cakes with white icing, white linens, white invitations, white flowers, white-white-white? Would a little color be so bad?
• Mania for monograms. Why must every single cocktail napkin, matchbook, cake serving set, place card, favor box, aisle runner, customized postage stamp, thank-you note and piece of glassware be emblazoned with your names, initials and/or wedding date? Are you afraid that someone will forget whose wedding they're at, or what day it is? To my mind, paying twice as much (or more) to get *everything* with your name on it is just a waste of money.
• Dancing for Dummies. I have a theory - if you DON'T play the Chicken Dance or the YMCA, no one will notice or care. Seriously, when was the last time you said 'Dick and Jane's wedding was lovely, but I must say, I really hate it that they didn't play the Chicken Dance. I was so looking forward to that!'
• Lining up for mugshots, uh, portraits. I would much, much rather have a photo of me hugging my mom, or of my bridesmaids fixing each other's hair, than a photo of all of us standing in a line with pasted-on smiles. Photos should tell a story.
• Look, more freebies! Another fairly new phenomenon - the favor. Because we all know that a full day of entertainment, dancing, food and drink free of charge means nothing - you must give out those monogrammed matchbooks or tiny boxes of candy or your guests will hate you! Seriously, one of the nicest weddings I've ever attended had no favors, and I didn't even notice it until a month later. If guests want a keepsake, there's always the invitations or programs.
• Throwing stuff at your guests. Seriously, lobbing used undergarments and bundles of wilting flowers at your loved ones sounds pretty bizarre. Anyway, there's a lot of (likely apocryphal) theories about how the garter tradition came about, but who cares? It still amounts to removing my underthings in front of an audience and throwing them to an assembled crowd. Sounds like an activity better suited to a strip club than a wedding. The only good thing about this tradition is the inevitable amusement of watching women practically kill each other over the bouquet, versus the men who stand with hands in pockets and watch the garter drop to the ground. Haha!

I'm sure that this entry will practically require a 'Part 2' in the future, but that's it for now. Stay tuned...