... just listening/reading. And I don't think you're nuts. I use to imagine what it'd be like to die by a pair of scissors. Literally use to stare at them for hours. Just thinking. I'm not at that point now, and haven't been for a while, but just so you know you're not totally off the top. :)
I'm so sorry I didn't respond to your message about AIM.
1. I don't have AIM on my mac because it is smarter than me.
2. I've been to disgusted with myself to touch lj since this entry. Boyfriend found it the next morning because I asked him to fix my Ipod and my dumbass left the LJ window up. He was horrified, but didn't question me, didn't try to talk about it. Somehow that makes it worse. I felt really shitty coming here again.
But I'm around. Trying to get AIM...
I am not as good a friend as you are, but I'm working on it. :)
when my mom found out about how i cut she at first didnt even hint to the fact that she knew. then when i confronted her about it she got all teary and cried and i got mad..then another time she got angry and tried to yell at me about it. it was all the right reactions at the wrong times for me, but maybe if it had gone in the order i expected/wanted it still wouldnt have been right. what i'm trying to say is that maybe he is trying to avoid making you feel worse by not bringing it up - that's why my mom was silent. i'm sure he is keeping quiet for a reason that has to do with how much he cares about you and wants to protect you, not because he is ashamed or any of that whatnot.
I think it's in the realm of normal. I know for the longest time, and then still on random occasions to this day, I'll go, "Hmmm, what would really happen if my car just veered off into that ditch..."
Sorry for the late response - I have a few ideas, but too many people read this journal now for that level of honesty to be safe. I need to get around to creating filters. It used to be very important to me for all my entries to be public, I'm not sure why.
I've stayed away from LJ a bit since my boyfriend stumbled upon this entry the morning after I wrote it. I left it up on my ipod. We didn't talk about it. I know he's horrified but he's asked nothing other than "are you okay?" (I am.) Since then I've been too disgusted with myself to really touch LJ...
Anyway! That's not what you asked, sorry. Tangent...
I hope you're well love. As for deserving better, I could say the same for you. I pray for you. <3
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You're a wonderful friend.
I'm so sorry I didn't respond to your message about AIM.
1. I don't have AIM on my mac because it is smarter than me.
2. I've been to disgusted with myself to touch lj since this entry. Boyfriend found it the next morning because I asked him to fix my Ipod and my dumbass left the LJ window up. He was horrified, but didn't question me, didn't try to talk about it. Somehow that makes it worse. I felt really shitty coming here again.
But I'm around. Trying to get AIM...
I am not as good a friend as you are, but I'm working on it. :)
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(The comment has been removed)
I've stayed away from LJ a bit since my boyfriend stumbled upon this entry the morning after I wrote it. I left it up on my ipod. We didn't talk about it. I know he's horrified but he's asked nothing other than "are you okay?" (I am.) Since then I've been too disgusted with myself to really touch LJ...
Anyway! That's not what you asked, sorry. Tangent...
I hope you're well love. As for deserving better, I could say the same for you. I pray for you. <3
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