FIC: Mischief Managed (Part Two)
Part Two of Mischief Managed. Please see part one for all disclaimers and warnings.
***
Remus was sitting at his desk, hair falling into his eyes as he read. Sirius didn't even stop at the door, just barged in and asked, "Do you have a floo connection in here?"
Remus looked up, and blinked. "I'm not conspiring with anyone, if that's what you're asking. At least not at the moment." His voice was hard in a way Sirius hadn't heard in a long time.
"Was Peter here to see you?" Sirius abruptly changed topics.
Remus tilted his head. "What in Merlin has gotten into you?"
"Was Peter here to see you tonight?"
"I haven't seen Peter in over twelve years. He has not been to see me now, or ever. And I have a floo connection here in my office, but not in my quarters. It's too dangerous."
Sirius flopped down into the chair opposite Remus' desk. He tossed the Map onto Remus' desk. "Peter was here tonight."
Remus looked down and saw the Marauder's Map on his desk, and his face filled with something like awe. "Where did you get this?"
"Harry."
"Harry had the Map? How did he get it?"
Sirius waved his hand in dismissal. "Fred and George Weasley."
"Oh, Merlin, that's a terrible thought," Remus said.
Sirius watched as Remus traced a finger over the contours on the corner of the Map. "I found Harry in the hall with it tonight, after hours. He said he was out because he saw Peter on the Map."
Remus frowned. "Was Peter here to see you?"
"No. I haven't seen him since Christmas."
"Maybe he was visiting . . ."
"After hours? And there's something else." Sirius paused. "Harry said he came down to meet Peter, but never saw him."
"Never saw him?"
"Harry said that the Map said Peter was there, so close Harry should have bumped into him, but Harry never saw him. Peter's marker just kept going down the hall."
Remus' forehead furrowed into familiar lines, but he just looked at Sirius.
"Harry thought maybe the Map had lied."
"The Map never lies," Remus replied automatically.
"I know."
There was silence in the office. The fire crackled violently when a log fell to the bottom of the pile.
Finally Remus spoke slowly. "There are a lot of places a rat can go in a school."
Sirius met Remus' eyes. "There are a lot of places a rat can go in a prison."
Remus sucked in a sharp breath. "You don't think?"
"Well, is it you?"
Remus' face darkened, and he didn't answer.
"We all knew it wasn't just any member of the Order. It had to be someone in James and Lily's inner circle who was feeding information to Voldemort. Toward the end, not even the Order knew where Lily and James were moving, just the three of us. But Death Eaters got a lead on them every time. And that last time . . ." Sirius paused at the memory. "We were going to perform the Fidelius Charm the next day; I was to be secret keeper. You knew that. So did Peter. Voldemort struck before that could happen; someone told him where James and Lily were before they could go into hiding completely."
"And all of you thought it was me." Remus spoke softly, but there was no mistaking the edge, the hurt, in his voice.
Sirius shook his head. "You were secretive; away often. You never talked about what Dumbledore had you doing; we began to doubt that you were even working for Dumbledore anymore at all."
"You mean you doubted."
This time, it was Sirius who didn't say anything.
"Besides, I'm the one who is a Dark Creature."
Sirius' head shot up, and his chin jutted out. "That had nothing to do with it."
Remus shook his head. "I. I don't even want to get into it right now."
Sirius went silent. "And now . . . Peter's wandering around the castle for no reason. Near Harry . . . ." Sirius' hand formed into a fist.
"So you suddenly think Peter's the traitor now?" Remus asked.
"Do you?" Sirius countered.
Remus met Sirius' gaze for a long while, then nodded.
"It makes sense," Remus said. "He knew everything the rest of us did; he would have had the information to give to Voldemort. He would be able to help Bellatrix escape Azkaban, and now he's wandering the castle alone, undercover. Since he helped make the Map, he'd know all the secret ways to get into the castle, too."
"He let Bellatrix in that day," Sirius surmised.
Remus nodded.
"So that they could get to Harry . . . kill Harry?"
Remus shook his head. "I don't think . . . I don't think they want to kill Harry. Not outright."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean. Think about it. If Peter had wanted to kill Harry, he's had plenty of opportunity for years."
Sirius thought. Sirius thought of all the times Peter had visited the Potters. Thought of all the times he'd been alone with Harry, all the times he'd taken Harry out -- to lunch, the cinema, the zoo, Quidditch games. Thought of everything he'd said about Remus; about not trusting him, about how he might use Harry, about how Remus had disappeared and that was proof that Remus was the traitor. The thought of it made Sirius sick.
He swallowed hard, and asked a question. "So what does he want? And why break Bellatrix out of prison?"
Remus shook his head. "I don't know," he said softly. "I don't know."
The men lapsed into silence again.
"We need to find out," Sirius said. "And we need to floo James and Lily."
Remus looked up, and Sirius saw the question in his eyes at Sirius' "we." He waited to see what Remus would do.
"Mischief managed," Remus said, and folded the Map carefully.
***
In the end, they decided not to confront Peter right away. Lily and James, faced with the evidence, didn't want to startle Peter into taking action, especially if they didn't know exactly what he was planning for Harry, and why.
Sirius knew this was sensible, of course. The rat had felt safe enough for long enough; rushing into a confrontation would benefit no one, least of all Harry. Dumbledore, McGonagall and other key members of the Hogwarts staff and old Order of the Phoenix members were notified so certain precautions could be taken (like not letting Harry go off with Peter alone, or even at all), and Mad-Eye Moody had been called by Dumbledore. Moody, when talked to, had looked absolutely disgusted with himself, and with everyone involved, for their complete incompetence up to this point.
All that didn't mean that Sirius didn't want to beat Peter Pettigrew into a bloody pulp almost every minute of every day, or worse, but he did his best to control himself.
Remus, on the other hand, was the very model of control. He had been drawn into the inner circle, of course, though he tended to stay on the outskirts, speaking rarely when talking with others, and then mostly only when spoken to. The only exception to this rule was Lily, but even then his interactions were small and guarded. Remus and James seemed to have some sort of mutual truce and apology, though neither stated it, but Sirius saw how Remus softened around James and Lily, how the lines of his shoulders rounded, how the flash returned to his eyes, and the lines faded around his mouth.
But around Sirius, Remus was grounded, controlled, tense. They had been thrown together to research Peter and Bellatrix's possible motives, and therefore spent hours together in the library, or Sirius' rooms, hunched over books, texts full of Dark Arts: potions, spells, charms. It was dark, harrowing reading, and Sirius went to sleep at night full of visions in his head of blood, dismemberment, and torture.
Sirius also went to sleep at night full of Remus. They didn't speak often when working together, but they also found that they had no need for speech; a slide of a book here, slight touch of fingers on an arm there, and they were able to read each other as well as they read the texts. They fell into old rhythms very quickly.
There were other rhythms to fall into, too. Sirius found himself watching Remus' fingers as they curled around a quill, long and a bit ink-stained, taking notes on parchment. Or he would notice the way the light in the library fell on Remus' hair, highlighting the brown into gold, and muting the silver. He saw the way Remus' mouth would quirk when Harry was mentioned, and the way he chewed his bottom lip in concentration when he was reading a particularly interesting passage.
When he began to dream about Remus, dream about the way Remus' tongue would taste in his mouth, if the taste would be the same as it had been before, or different, Sirius knew he was in deeper than he had anticipated. He would dream long, intricate dreams, dreams in which Remus had never left him, in which he'd never thought Remus was the spy, about what their life together would have been like. He dreamed about touching Remus' skin, his wrists, his neck, his hips, his ankles. He dreamed about tracing Remus' lips with his tongue, about licking behind Remus' ear, about wrapping his tongue around Remus' cock. He dreamed about the feel of Remus on top of him, of Remus under him, of Remus inside of him, all around him.
Sirius would wake from these dreams, his cock hard and his heart aching, and he would touch himself, still thinking of Remus, until soon, Remus was almost all he could think about.
***
Sirius was approaching Remus' classroom to speak to Remus, and he heard Remus' voice inside.
" . . . given your father a run for his money, Harry, and that's saying something," Remus was saying.
"Did you know my dad and Sirius?" Harry asked. "At school, I mean."
Sirius heard a pause that meant Remus had revealed more than he had intended, and he walked into the room. "Of course he did, Harry; we were all friends at school -- your dad, me, Professor Lupin . . ." here, Sirius paused, "and Peter."
Sirius saw a pair of heads swivel his way, one with unruly black hair, one with soft brown.
"That's brilliant!" Harry exclaimed, his face lighting up. Sirius watched the wheels in Harry's head turn for a bit, and was utterly unsurprised when Harry turned to Remus and asked, "So why didn't I know that before? How come you never came round our house?"
Remus' face remained unchanged, his voice light. "Your parents and I . . . didn't stay in touch. It's a bit complicated, Harry," he said, in a tone that broached no argument, not even from Harry.
"Oh," Harry said, clearly not understanding, but clearly also knowing that now was not the time to ask.
Sirius smiled, and tilted his head at Remus. "He's Moony, Harry."
Harry's eyes grew as round as saucers, and Sirius had to stifle a laugh as Harry turned to Remus in amazement and awe. "You're Moony?"
Sirius saw Remus' lips twitch, but his face remained serious. "Guilty as charged, I'm afraid."
"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. He looked on the verge of asking a million questions, his whole body nearly trembling with excitement.
Remus and Sirius were saved, quite literally, by the bell and chimes signaling the warning for next class.
"You'd best run along now, Harry," Remus said.
When Harry opened his mouth to protest, Sirius put in, "You have Potions next, Harry, and we both know you do not want to be late and meet Professor Snape's wrath."
Harry pulled a face, but nodded. He said quick good-byes to both Sirius and Remus before hastily leaving the room.
When he was gone, Remus looked to Sirius rather reproachfully. "You didn't need to tell him that."
"What? That you're the Moony he's heard featured in so many stories? It's fine."
"No, Sirius, it is not fine!" Remus exclaimed with more temper than Sirius had seen from him all year. He stalked around to the other side of his desk, effectively putting the furniture between Sirius and himself.
Sirius, not to be daunted, followed so that he and Remus were still facing each other, no desk between them. "And why not?"
"It's not fine . . . not, not when I can't be a part of his life."
"What do you mean, not a part of his life? You're already a part of his life."
"As his professor, Sirius . . . which is important to me, yes, but . . ."
"But?"
"But I don't come around to the house; he's right about that. I don't come on Christmas, or over spring hols, or on his birthday."
"James and Lily . . ."
"If I'm lucky, James and Lily will start inviting me over to Sunday dinner once a month, like some bachelor semi-uncle," Remus said. "It's humiliating."
For once, Sirius was stunned into silence, and Remus pulled up short, and sighed.
"I was there when the boy was born, Sirius. I changed his diapers, played with him, watched him learn to crawl, and walk, and talk. I taught him to say 'Padfoot'. It's . . . being thought of vaguely fondly, getting a Christmas card here and there, it's not what I want. It's not . . . enough."
"You really do have to have everything in your life be all or nothing, don't you?" Sirius exclaimed, frustrated.
"This from the Sirius Black, the once and future king of all or nothing!"
"Damn right! I want it all, and you want nothing!" Sirius retorted angrily, breathing hard.
Remus recoiled a bit, but didn't speak right away.
Sirius tried to steady himself, and spoke again. "We're trying Remus. We all are: James, Lily, me, everyone. We don't like what happened, how we doubted you, how we treated you . . . in fact, we hate it. I hate it. It's the worst thing I ever did in my entire life, and it lead to the ruin of everything I cared about. But that . . . we can't mend things if you don't let us. If you're not willing to meet us halfway then, yes, you will be fondly remembered in old stories, and maybe someone will send you a card on your birthday, or at Christmas. We can't make it up to you if you don't forgive us. If you don't let us in, open up a bit, even just a tiny crack."
Remus hung his head, then shook it softly. "It's not that I don't forgive you. I do."
Sirius snorted, and Remus' head snapped up. "I do."
"For what happened in the past, maybe. But not for any future mistakes we might make," Sirius said.
"Forgiveness doesn't happen in the future tense, Sirius."
"Sure it does. Just not for you."
Remus shook his head again. "That's not fair."
"Of course it is. You were always like this. Always in control, always tightly guarded. Always quick to forgive, but also always quick to close yourself off even that much more after, just a little."
"Getting hurt will do that to a person," Remus said.
"Maybe." Sirius didn't say any more. Silence hung thick in the air until Sirius said, low and soft, "Do you hate us that much? Do you hate me that much?"
"Of course not . . . if I hated you, everything would be so much easier than . . ."
"Than what?"
Remus shook his head, his lips clasped together tightly, as if refusing to let the words escape him. Sirius, on impulse, stepped forward and placed a kiss on those lips, chaste at first, but he refused to move them until he could get a thread on the secrets they contained behind them.
Sirius wasn't sure how long they stood like that until Remus relented a small bit, applying pressure of his own to Sirius' lips. Sirius kissed back, slowly encouraging Remus' mouth to open up under his; it did, eventually, slowly, fractions of millimeters at a time, but Sirius, for once in his life, was patient, cupping Remus' face with his hands, and he felt he had all the time in the universe to stand there and riddle out the secrets of Remus Lupin's mouth.
When they pulled apart, both needing air, Remus said, "This is dangerous."
"I know," Sirius said, and kissed him again.
***
After the incident in his classroom, Remus, to Sirius' great frustration, became even more guarded, more serious. He quietly made sure he was never alone with Sirius again, not even when they were doing research into Peter's possible activities; they worked in the library during open hours, or in the Great Hall, or on the grounds, but never in either's office, and never alone.
Sirius, however exasperated, also knew Remus well enough to know that Remus was working something out on his own, and didn't question the circumstances, or complain.
James said this display of patience was a bloody miracle, and vowed to write down the dates for possible reference in the future, though he made no comment as to exactly why he knew Sirius was being so patient. He didn't have to; Sirius knew James was handling him just as carefully as Sirius was watching Remus, watching out to make sure no one got hurt. Sirius reflected often that only James Potter could interfere in his life by not doing anything.
Sirius was carting books to Remus' office one late afternoon and found Remus there packing a small case full of gauze, bandages, and medical tape, the Map open on his desk, a steaming goblet standing on the far right corner.
When Sirius stopped in the threshold, Remus merely looked up and said, "Full moon."
Sirius silently cursed himself for not knowing the date of the full moon, and put the books down on a table. "Let me come with you," he said.
Remus shook his head. "I've been doing just fine for years," he said.
Sirius sighed. "That's not the point."
"Really, Sirius. The Wolfsbane works wonders; this stuff is mostly a precaution. I'll be fine."
"Where do you Change? In your rooms?" Sirius remembered that Remus didn't have a floo connection in his rooms, because it was too dangerous, presumably in case the wolf got out of control.
Remus shook his head.
"Not here in your office?"
Remus shook his head again and sighed.
The truth hit Sirius like a ton of bricks. "Oh, no. Not there."
"It's perfectly serviceable, Sirius."
"It's a pit, Remus. I can't believe you'd go back there after all of these years."
"I don't really have much of a choice, do I, Sirius?"
"No, you're not going back there."
Remus sighed again. "I've been 'going back there' for months. It's not a problem."
"You have to let me come with you, then. I can change and be Padfoot; I don't have patrol duties tonight, so no one will miss me."
Sirius watched doubt flicker across Remus' face, and knew he was tempted.
Then he saw Remus' eyes flicker to the Map, and Remus' face drain of all color.
"What?" Sirius asked. When Remus didn't answer, he asked again. "What?"
"Peter Pettigrew and Bellatrix LeStrange." Remus pointed to the Map. There, as stark as day, were the two markers, headed across the grounds toward the Quidditch pitch, where the markers of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley hovered.
"Go straight to Dumbledore, floo Lily and James in his office," Sirius said.
"Where are you going?" Remus asked, though Sirius knew that it was a moot question.
Sirius stabbed a finger at the Map. "To the pitch."
Sirius was out of the office in an instant, Remus at his heels until they parted before the Headmaster's office.
The steaming goblet remained untouched on Remus' desk.
***
Sirius practically flew down to the Quidditch pitch, but did not get there before Peter, who was standing amongst Harry and his friends. Sirius saw no sign of Bellatrix, but knew she must be nearby. The sight of Peter, talking so amiably with Harry, made Sirius' blood boil, and he hit the pitch at almost a dead run.
"Sirius!" Harry called brightly. "Peter came to visit!"
Sirius practically skidded to a halt in front of the small tableau, and he turned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Harry, take your friends back up to the castle."
"But, Sirius," Harry started to protest, confused.
"Harry, do as I say, right now," Sirius snapped, his eyes never leaving Peter.
Peter, of all things, began to laugh, though Sirius did not miss the note of cruelty in it. "Really, Sirius. I'm just having a chat with Harry and his friends. I was even thinking a trip into Hogsmeade might be in order."
"Harry's not allowed to leave school grounds at any time, and Ron and Hermione aren't allowed in Hogsmeade on non-official weekends." Sirius noted that Harry and his friends hadn't made one move toward the castle, though Hermione's eyes were darting quickly between Sirius and Peter.
"Really, Padfoot. We used to nip on down to the village all the time. Surely you remember."
Sirius knew Peter's use of the nickname was deliberate, and he started to turn to Harry to demand he return to the castle, when a bright flash of red light came out of the Quidditch stands, hitting him squarely in the chest. He felt himself fall backwards, stunned, through the veil of mist starting to rise off the pitch in the pre-evening coolness.
He hit the ground with a thunk, unable to move any part of his body except for his eyes. He heard Hermione scream, and saw Bellatrix emerge from the stands, hair as dark as his, but wild and matted. She was very clearly filthy, and Sirius' nose could detect the strong smell of decay all over her. The hand clasped around the wand she held was gnarled and twisted, and Sirius wondered how his once beautiful cousin had turned into this.
Sirius' eyes darted to Harry, who looked something between confused and betrayed, and who said, "That's . . . that's Bellatrix LeStrange." Sirius saw Ron step up next to Harry, carefully guiding Hermione a bit behind him, though she would have none of it, and stepped up next to Ron.
Peter laughed again. "Always such a bright boy, Harry. Now, just come along with Uncle Peter, and no one will get hurt."
"You're working with her!" Hermione exclaimed. "You're the one who let her into the castle!"
"Hermione Granger, you really are the brightest witch of your age." Peter smiled, and this time there was no mistaking the cruelty.
Harry, on the other hand, was starting to go for his wand, when Peter let out an "Expelliarmus!," causing the wand to go flying out of Harry's reach.
Harry started to respond with an "Accio," and found Peter's wand pointing under his chin for his trouble.
"If you're going to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us, too!" Ron shouted.
Peter's head snapped toward, Ron who, along with Hermione, was being held close by the threat of Bellatrix's wand.
"But Ron, we don't want to kill Harry. It's just that my master wants to see him for a bit, borrow something of his that he needs. There's no need to get excited."
"You're working for Voldemort," Harry said, and it wasn't a question. "He's your master."
"Got it in one, Harry," Peter said. He turned to look down at Sirius' prone body. "How long did it take you, Padfoot?" he asked, knowing that Sirius couldn't respond.
"How could you betray my parents?" Harry spat. "You're the one who told Voldemort where they were, where they were hiding with me!"
To Sirius' utter shock, Peter shrugged. "When working for the Dark Lord, everyone makes sacrifices. And convincing your parents to trust me wasn't very hard; they already did. Even convincing them and Sirius to stop trusting Remus wasn't very hard. I almost felt sorry for Remus, but it was all just so easy that I couldn't help myself." Peter smirked. "They knew that someone was feeding information to Voldemort, spying on them; I was almost afraid they'd figure it out, but then I realized all I had to do was start whispering things about Remus. Remus helped, of course, just by being himself, poor bastard, but that part really wasn't my fault." He looked down at Sirius. "Was it now, Sirius?"
Sirius felt his face heat with anger, but he still couldn't move, not even to speak.
"I'm afraid, though, Harry, that we really must be going. We have a ritual to perform tonight, and you're the honored guest."
Bellatrix cackled, and Sirius felt a rush of cold fear go through him.
Then, Harry's eyes flashed, and Sirius saw Hermione shiver, and he knew that the cold wasn't just from fear. The grass around his body grew frosty, and he saw Peter's eyes shift away from Harry's face toward Bellatrix.
Bellatrix was facing the sky, where dozens upon dozens of Dementors could be seen, falling from the twilight like rain. She screamed, and Sirius' stomach clenched.
Peter, realizing that time was of the essence now, raised his wand over his head and grabbed hold of Harry's arm, about to Apparate them both and leave his accomplice behind to face her fate alone.
"Expelliarmus!" shouted a woman's voice, Lily's, and Peter's wand went flying into her outstretched hand.
Sirius turned his eyes to see Lily, James, and Remus all standing around the pitch, along with Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape.
James' face was hard, his eyes cold behind his glasses. "Really, Peter, don't you remember anything from school? You can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds anyway."
Sirius saw Peter's face drop for just a second, before he pulled a small cup from his cloak pocket. "I came prepared for any contingency, Prongs," he said, before nearly forcing the thing into Harry's hands. Harry, however, struggled in Peter's grip before Hermione pulled her wand from her back pocket and said, "Accio cup."
Dumbledore, seeing the same danger Sirius did, that the Portkey would then work on Hermione, managed to incinerate the thing before it even reached her hands.
Harry, seizing the opportunity, began to run, but suddenly stopped, turning back toward the pitch, where the Dementors were landing. His face had gone sheet white, and his mouth was open as the Dementors started to feed on Bellatrix; one was also gliding steadily forward, looming upon Harry.
Remus' wand hand shot out, and he yelled, "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" A bright white light began to shimmer out of the end of his wand, followed by a big, gangly four-legged creature, a dog, who began to herd the Dementor away from Harry, and indeed, started to round up the other dozens of Dementors after that, throwing them wide with its large head.
Bellatrix was already on the grass, unmoving, but Sirius watched in awe as Remus' silver Padfoot cast Dementor after Dementor aside, until the pitch was once again empty of their poisonous presence.
Then, the patronus began to waver, and grow faint, and Sirius looked at Remus, who had grown deathly pale, his eyes dilating. Then Sirius looked straight up, and caught sight of the full moon, and understood, horror descending upon him.
Lily also looked at the sky, then back to Remus, who was beginning to shake uncontrollably. Snape, who had collected Hermione and Ron also looked suddenly grim, and backed the students away from their DADA Professor.
Sirius had seen the Change many, many times before, but he would reflect later that he'd seen few so awful. Remus looked down at himself, and began to twitch, whimpering involuntarily as his feet grew longer, his arms grew fur. The snap of tendons and the screech of bone against bone were sharp in the early night, until Remus finally let out an involuntary, blood-curdling scream, and the Change was complete.
The werewolf looked around at the assembled humans, and then lifted its head and gave a mighty howl.
Lily ran to Harry, encircling him tightly, and Snape moved to stand in front of Ron and Hermione.
As soon as the wolf started to move forward, however, James quickly turned into Prongs, and the large stag maneuvered himself between the humans and the werewolf. The wolf, annoyed by this, lunged at the deer, but as always, Prongs was ready and blocked this attack with his antlers, piercing the wolf's coat and sending him flying. The stag trotted over to where the wolf had landed, and the two began to circle each other, the wolf trying to decide if he could take his opponent. Prongs, however, bent down and gently tried to prod the wolf with his muzzle, to get him to understand that he was a friend, that he used to be, and still was, pack. The wolf suddenly stopped, and sniffed the stag warily, before letting off another piercing howl, and racing off into the woods, the stag following after.
If he could have, Sirius would have let out a sigh of relief, until he saw the smug look on Peter's face. Peter got a good look at Harry and then waved a goodbye, transforming into a rat before everyone's eyes. He disappeared into the grass and Sirius thought he would be lost in the darkness when he saw McGonagall transform into her cat anamagus form.
The cat immediately put her nose to the ground, softly sniffing; then she delicately turned in one direction, laying herself nearly flat on the ground, clearly stalking her prey. She headed in one direction, then another, and she was nearly to the goal posts when Sirius saw her suddenly bound in the air and pounce. She came up victorious, a large rat struggling in her jaws.
The cat trotted up to Dumbledore, and sat at his feet, rat still held tight in her mouth. Dumbledore reached down and plucked the rat up by the tail, the cat willingly letting go. He reached down and stroked the cat's shining fur once, then twice, before McGonagall transformed back, a satisfied smile on her face.
"I see this was an exciting night for everyone involved," Dumbledore intoned. "Lily, if you would see to Sirius, my dear; Professor Snape, if you would release Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley into my care and check on the condition of Ms. LeStrange I would be most grateful," he said, before starting back up toward the castle, rat in hand.
Snape went over and examined Bellatrix's prone form before lifting her limp body into the air with a levitation spell.
Suddenly, Lily's face appeared over Sirius', and she was grinning. "Knocked out by a stunning spell in the first round, Professor Sirius Black? For shame." Harry, still beside her, laughed, and Sirius, though he knew he'd never hear the end of this for the rest of his natural life, thought that laugh was the most precious sound in the world.
***
Sirius was sitting cross-legged on the end of Remus Lupin's bed in the infirmary, watching Remus' eyes blink open as he struggled toward consciousness. He watched as Remus took a careful inventory of the room, confusion in his eyes as he tried to riddle out where he was, and why he was there. Eventually, those eyes shifted to take in the sight of Sirius, dressed in Muggle jeans and a white t-shirt, barefoot, and Sirius had to smile as Remus' eyes widened.
"I have a message for you from James," Sirius said. Remus closed his eyes like a man resigned to accepting his fate, and Sirius continued. "I'm quoting here: 'I am getting too old for this; either take your potion the next time or stop killing so many innocent rabbits who never did anything to you. Sorry for the puncture wounds, mate, but they were necessary at the time.'"
Remus' eyes opened again, and he gingerly moved his body, his hand touching the thick padding of bandages and gauze on his left side.
"He really was sorry over all of those rabbits. I'd never have thought Prongs would get so squeamish in his old age," Sirius added. Sirius, who had gone down to the woods and changed into Padfoot as soon as the stunning curse had lifted, and found the rest of his pack, knew that Padfoot was almost equally responsible for the rabbit carnage, but he kept that to himself for the time being.
Remus shook his head. "I can't believe I forgot to take the Wolfsbane," he said, his voice no more than a horse whisper.
"There were extenuating circumstances."
"Not that extenuating."
Sirius, knowing he would never be able to change Remus' mind on the subject, decided he'd rather pick his battles elsewhere.
Remus sighed. "I suppose I've been sacked."
"Are you mad?"
Remus looked up at Sirius like he was the one who had lost his mind, and he said so. "Are you mad? I didn't take the potion; I put the entire school, students and staff at risk, and I'm sure the Ministry has already been informed as to my conduct last night. Dumbledore would have no choice but to let me go."
"Far be it from me to speak for Dumbledore," Sirius began, "but so far, he's mentioned no such thing."
"I should resign, then. Parents will not want . . . someone like me teaching their children, and Dumbledore has already risked far too much on my account."
"I have no idea how the parents would find out about your lycanthropy, unless you know something that I don't," Sirius said. When Remus looked up at him, mute, Sirius continued. "Dumbledore did talk to the Ministry, yes, and your conduct last night was discussed in detail, but it was almost entirely about how you saved Harry, the rest of us, and probably the entire school from all being Kissed by Dementors. You, Professor Lupin, are actually about to receive a medal from the Order of Merlin."
Sirius laughed at Remus' baffled and incredulous expression. "There was a point when Snape thought he might insert a word or two, but let's just say I managed to persuade him otherwise."
Remus closed his eyes. "That persuasion didn't involve fists, did it?"
"I should say not!" Sirius denied, feigning offense. "I just reminded him that some other people I could name had made mistakes in their lifetimes, and that they wouldn't appreciate others reminding the Ministry, or the parents of the students here, of those facts."
Remus' eyes remained closed. "Blackmail, then."
"Ha, blackmail!" Sirius laughed, and Remus opened his eyes at that, the beginning of a smile quirking his lips.
Remus sighed again. "I still don't deserve to stay."
"That's your entire problem, Moony," Sirius said softly. "You don't think you deserve anything."
Sirius began to crawl gently up the bed, until he was stretched out next to Remus on his side, and Remus had rolled to face him so that they were practically nose to nose. Sirius leaned and kissed Remus softly on the lips. When they parted, Remus let out an entirely different sigh altogether.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said.
Remus' eyebrows came together. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I never said I was sorry for thinking you were the spy. So: I'm sorry."
There was a long pause, silence filling every corner of the infirmary, until Remus said softly, "Dumbledore had me visiting werewolf camps . . . living among, as he said, my own kind. He wanted to bring them over to our side; he thought I, having the, er, natural tendencies, would be the one to do it. When I went away, that's what I was doing. For most of that last year, he had me almost living with Fenrir Greyback and his pack, trying to convince him not to join Voldemort. It was a lost cause; Greyback was already a Death Eater, but I didn't know that until after James, Lily and Harry were attacked, when he bragged to me, thinking the strike had been successful. I stayed away because it seemed everyone was getting on just fine without me, and I still didn't know how to prove to you I wasn't the spy. There was little I could do, so I did nothing."
Sirius recoiled before he could stop himself. "Remus . . . that's. That's horrible."
"I know. Dumbledore wanted to keep the missions secret anyway, but even if he hadn't . . . I was too ashamed to tell anyone, even you."
"Ashamed?" Sirius cupped Remus' cheek with his palm, running his thumb along Remus' cheekbone. "Moony. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Dumbledore, on the other hand . . . ." Sirius' voice turned hard. "Sending you to live with Fenrir Greyback." Sirius spat the name. "That's like . . ."
"I know what it's like," Remus said. "And I'd rather not dwell on it too long. Those were not happy times."
"No, they weren't," Sirius agreed softly.
Finally Remus ventured, "When you said before, in my classroom, that you wanted it all - " Remus trailed off and looked down.
"I meant I wanted all of it. The books in the pantry; the dirty socks on the floor; the snoring; the borrowing my razor without permission . . ."
"I don't snore," Remus protested, but he smiled.
"Like a hippogriff," Sirius said. "All of you, all of us, even the fights and the misunderstandings and the occasional small pettiness. And I will not give up on you this time, not ever again."
"I gave up on you, too, you know."
"I know. But it's not like I didn't make that easier." Sirius sighed. "I can't believe that Peter's inner animal was a rat and it took us this long to figure things out."
Sirius was rewarded by a laugh from Remus. "I didn't ask . . . what happened to Peter, anyway?"
At that, Sirius looked more than a little smug. "McGonagall caught him; like a, well, a cat with a rat. He was turned over to the Aurors late last night; I'm sure it will be a trial and then Azkaban for him. They're probably grilling him about Voldemort as we speak." Sirius paused. "Azkaban's too good for him."
"Azkaban isn't too good for anyone," Remus replied. "And Bellatrix?"
"Kissed by the Dementors, even before you could stop them. It's what she deserved, I reckon."
On that point, Remus was silent.
Sirius answered the unspoken question. "Voldemort wanted Harry's blood for a spell that would bring him back to corporeal form."
Remus shivered. "You think he'll keep trying?"
"With his two closest minions gone, he'll be weakened, but no one's taking anything for granted."
The two men were silent, Sirius still gently stroking Remus' cheek.
"Will you be staying on at Hogwarts?" Remus asked, and Sirius knew it was no idle question.
"Well. I've already tendered my resignation as Astronomy professor," Sirius answered, and he watched Remus' face fall, which gave him his own kind of answer.
"However," he continued. "I always knew that was a temporary position, and Professor Sinistra is returning in the fall. Dumbledore did mention to me that he might be looking to add on an assistant Quidditch coach next fall . . . Madame Hooch is always saying she could use extra help."
"Is she now?" Remus asked, a light flickering on in his eyes.
"Uh-huh. Dumbledore said I might consider it."
"Really."
"Absolutely."
"Well, you might want to, be able to stay close to Harry and all."
"I don't think it was Harry Dumbledore had in mind, and I'll say that wasn't quite what I had in mind, either."
"What did you have in mind?"
"I thought I might try being close to the DADA Professor for a change, if he'll have me," Sirius said, rolling his hips closer to Remus' to emphasize his point.
Remus made a noise that got caught deep in his throat. "He will," Remus said.
Sirius kissed Remus again, and moved his hand from Remus' cheek to his hip. "I thought I came to Hogwarts this year for Harry," he whispered. "But I really came for you."
"To make sure I didn't harm Harry," Remus replied, but Sirius shook his head on the pillow.
"That's what I thought, too, but it's not true. I came for you, to see you, to have you in my life again, no matter in what capacity. It was you, Remus; it's always been you."
Remus leaned in and kissed Sirius soundly, placing a hand on his belly. "I've never known you for grand confessions, Sirius," he said.
"Are you joking? I'm the king of grand confessions," Sirius laughed.
Remus stifled him with a kiss that was, in its way, his own grand confession.
***
On his fourteenth birthday, Harry Potter received a Firebolt from his Quidditch coach and DADA Professor, the card signed, "From Sirius and Remus," and Remus Lupin ate so much birthday cake at the party that he didn't eat another meal for the next day and a half.
***
Remus was sitting at his desk, hair falling into his eyes as he read. Sirius didn't even stop at the door, just barged in and asked, "Do you have a floo connection in here?"
Remus looked up, and blinked. "I'm not conspiring with anyone, if that's what you're asking. At least not at the moment." His voice was hard in a way Sirius hadn't heard in a long time.
"Was Peter here to see you?" Sirius abruptly changed topics.
Remus tilted his head. "What in Merlin has gotten into you?"
"Was Peter here to see you tonight?"
"I haven't seen Peter in over twelve years. He has not been to see me now, or ever. And I have a floo connection here in my office, but not in my quarters. It's too dangerous."
Sirius flopped down into the chair opposite Remus' desk. He tossed the Map onto Remus' desk. "Peter was here tonight."
Remus looked down and saw the Marauder's Map on his desk, and his face filled with something like awe. "Where did you get this?"
"Harry."
"Harry had the Map? How did he get it?"
Sirius waved his hand in dismissal. "Fred and George Weasley."
"Oh, Merlin, that's a terrible thought," Remus said.
Sirius watched as Remus traced a finger over the contours on the corner of the Map. "I found Harry in the hall with it tonight, after hours. He said he was out because he saw Peter on the Map."
Remus frowned. "Was Peter here to see you?"
"No. I haven't seen him since Christmas."
"Maybe he was visiting . . ."
"After hours? And there's something else." Sirius paused. "Harry said he came down to meet Peter, but never saw him."
"Never saw him?"
"Harry said that the Map said Peter was there, so close Harry should have bumped into him, but Harry never saw him. Peter's marker just kept going down the hall."
Remus' forehead furrowed into familiar lines, but he just looked at Sirius.
"Harry thought maybe the Map had lied."
"The Map never lies," Remus replied automatically.
"I know."
There was silence in the office. The fire crackled violently when a log fell to the bottom of the pile.
Finally Remus spoke slowly. "There are a lot of places a rat can go in a school."
Sirius met Remus' eyes. "There are a lot of places a rat can go in a prison."
Remus sucked in a sharp breath. "You don't think?"
"Well, is it you?"
Remus' face darkened, and he didn't answer.
"We all knew it wasn't just any member of the Order. It had to be someone in James and Lily's inner circle who was feeding information to Voldemort. Toward the end, not even the Order knew where Lily and James were moving, just the three of us. But Death Eaters got a lead on them every time. And that last time . . ." Sirius paused at the memory. "We were going to perform the Fidelius Charm the next day; I was to be secret keeper. You knew that. So did Peter. Voldemort struck before that could happen; someone told him where James and Lily were before they could go into hiding completely."
"And all of you thought it was me." Remus spoke softly, but there was no mistaking the edge, the hurt, in his voice.
Sirius shook his head. "You were secretive; away often. You never talked about what Dumbledore had you doing; we began to doubt that you were even working for Dumbledore anymore at all."
"You mean you doubted."
This time, it was Sirius who didn't say anything.
"Besides, I'm the one who is a Dark Creature."
Sirius' head shot up, and his chin jutted out. "That had nothing to do with it."
Remus shook his head. "I. I don't even want to get into it right now."
Sirius went silent. "And now . . . Peter's wandering around the castle for no reason. Near Harry . . . ." Sirius' hand formed into a fist.
"So you suddenly think Peter's the traitor now?" Remus asked.
"Do you?" Sirius countered.
Remus met Sirius' gaze for a long while, then nodded.
"It makes sense," Remus said. "He knew everything the rest of us did; he would have had the information to give to Voldemort. He would be able to help Bellatrix escape Azkaban, and now he's wandering the castle alone, undercover. Since he helped make the Map, he'd know all the secret ways to get into the castle, too."
"He let Bellatrix in that day," Sirius surmised.
Remus nodded.
"So that they could get to Harry . . . kill Harry?"
Remus shook his head. "I don't think . . . I don't think they want to kill Harry. Not outright."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean. Think about it. If Peter had wanted to kill Harry, he's had plenty of opportunity for years."
Sirius thought. Sirius thought of all the times Peter had visited the Potters. Thought of all the times he'd been alone with Harry, all the times he'd taken Harry out -- to lunch, the cinema, the zoo, Quidditch games. Thought of everything he'd said about Remus; about not trusting him, about how he might use Harry, about how Remus had disappeared and that was proof that Remus was the traitor. The thought of it made Sirius sick.
He swallowed hard, and asked a question. "So what does he want? And why break Bellatrix out of prison?"
Remus shook his head. "I don't know," he said softly. "I don't know."
The men lapsed into silence again.
"We need to find out," Sirius said. "And we need to floo James and Lily."
Remus looked up, and Sirius saw the question in his eyes at Sirius' "we." He waited to see what Remus would do.
"Mischief managed," Remus said, and folded the Map carefully.
***
In the end, they decided not to confront Peter right away. Lily and James, faced with the evidence, didn't want to startle Peter into taking action, especially if they didn't know exactly what he was planning for Harry, and why.
Sirius knew this was sensible, of course. The rat had felt safe enough for long enough; rushing into a confrontation would benefit no one, least of all Harry. Dumbledore, McGonagall and other key members of the Hogwarts staff and old Order of the Phoenix members were notified so certain precautions could be taken (like not letting Harry go off with Peter alone, or even at all), and Mad-Eye Moody had been called by Dumbledore. Moody, when talked to, had looked absolutely disgusted with himself, and with everyone involved, for their complete incompetence up to this point.
All that didn't mean that Sirius didn't want to beat Peter Pettigrew into a bloody pulp almost every minute of every day, or worse, but he did his best to control himself.
Remus, on the other hand, was the very model of control. He had been drawn into the inner circle, of course, though he tended to stay on the outskirts, speaking rarely when talking with others, and then mostly only when spoken to. The only exception to this rule was Lily, but even then his interactions were small and guarded. Remus and James seemed to have some sort of mutual truce and apology, though neither stated it, but Sirius saw how Remus softened around James and Lily, how the lines of his shoulders rounded, how the flash returned to his eyes, and the lines faded around his mouth.
But around Sirius, Remus was grounded, controlled, tense. They had been thrown together to research Peter and Bellatrix's possible motives, and therefore spent hours together in the library, or Sirius' rooms, hunched over books, texts full of Dark Arts: potions, spells, charms. It was dark, harrowing reading, and Sirius went to sleep at night full of visions in his head of blood, dismemberment, and torture.
Sirius also went to sleep at night full of Remus. They didn't speak often when working together, but they also found that they had no need for speech; a slide of a book here, slight touch of fingers on an arm there, and they were able to read each other as well as they read the texts. They fell into old rhythms very quickly.
There were other rhythms to fall into, too. Sirius found himself watching Remus' fingers as they curled around a quill, long and a bit ink-stained, taking notes on parchment. Or he would notice the way the light in the library fell on Remus' hair, highlighting the brown into gold, and muting the silver. He saw the way Remus' mouth would quirk when Harry was mentioned, and the way he chewed his bottom lip in concentration when he was reading a particularly interesting passage.
When he began to dream about Remus, dream about the way Remus' tongue would taste in his mouth, if the taste would be the same as it had been before, or different, Sirius knew he was in deeper than he had anticipated. He would dream long, intricate dreams, dreams in which Remus had never left him, in which he'd never thought Remus was the spy, about what their life together would have been like. He dreamed about touching Remus' skin, his wrists, his neck, his hips, his ankles. He dreamed about tracing Remus' lips with his tongue, about licking behind Remus' ear, about wrapping his tongue around Remus' cock. He dreamed about the feel of Remus on top of him, of Remus under him, of Remus inside of him, all around him.
Sirius would wake from these dreams, his cock hard and his heart aching, and he would touch himself, still thinking of Remus, until soon, Remus was almost all he could think about.
***
Sirius was approaching Remus' classroom to speak to Remus, and he heard Remus' voice inside.
" . . . given your father a run for his money, Harry, and that's saying something," Remus was saying.
"Did you know my dad and Sirius?" Harry asked. "At school, I mean."
Sirius heard a pause that meant Remus had revealed more than he had intended, and he walked into the room. "Of course he did, Harry; we were all friends at school -- your dad, me, Professor Lupin . . ." here, Sirius paused, "and Peter."
Sirius saw a pair of heads swivel his way, one with unruly black hair, one with soft brown.
"That's brilliant!" Harry exclaimed, his face lighting up. Sirius watched the wheels in Harry's head turn for a bit, and was utterly unsurprised when Harry turned to Remus and asked, "So why didn't I know that before? How come you never came round our house?"
Remus' face remained unchanged, his voice light. "Your parents and I . . . didn't stay in touch. It's a bit complicated, Harry," he said, in a tone that broached no argument, not even from Harry.
"Oh," Harry said, clearly not understanding, but clearly also knowing that now was not the time to ask.
Sirius smiled, and tilted his head at Remus. "He's Moony, Harry."
Harry's eyes grew as round as saucers, and Sirius had to stifle a laugh as Harry turned to Remus in amazement and awe. "You're Moony?"
Sirius saw Remus' lips twitch, but his face remained serious. "Guilty as charged, I'm afraid."
"Brilliant!" Harry exclaimed. He looked on the verge of asking a million questions, his whole body nearly trembling with excitement.
Remus and Sirius were saved, quite literally, by the bell and chimes signaling the warning for next class.
"You'd best run along now, Harry," Remus said.
When Harry opened his mouth to protest, Sirius put in, "You have Potions next, Harry, and we both know you do not want to be late and meet Professor Snape's wrath."
Harry pulled a face, but nodded. He said quick good-byes to both Sirius and Remus before hastily leaving the room.
When he was gone, Remus looked to Sirius rather reproachfully. "You didn't need to tell him that."
"What? That you're the Moony he's heard featured in so many stories? It's fine."
"No, Sirius, it is not fine!" Remus exclaimed with more temper than Sirius had seen from him all year. He stalked around to the other side of his desk, effectively putting the furniture between Sirius and himself.
Sirius, not to be daunted, followed so that he and Remus were still facing each other, no desk between them. "And why not?"
"It's not fine . . . not, not when I can't be a part of his life."
"What do you mean, not a part of his life? You're already a part of his life."
"As his professor, Sirius . . . which is important to me, yes, but . . ."
"But?"
"But I don't come around to the house; he's right about that. I don't come on Christmas, or over spring hols, or on his birthday."
"James and Lily . . ."
"If I'm lucky, James and Lily will start inviting me over to Sunday dinner once a month, like some bachelor semi-uncle," Remus said. "It's humiliating."
For once, Sirius was stunned into silence, and Remus pulled up short, and sighed.
"I was there when the boy was born, Sirius. I changed his diapers, played with him, watched him learn to crawl, and walk, and talk. I taught him to say 'Padfoot'. It's . . . being thought of vaguely fondly, getting a Christmas card here and there, it's not what I want. It's not . . . enough."
"You really do have to have everything in your life be all or nothing, don't you?" Sirius exclaimed, frustrated.
"This from the Sirius Black, the once and future king of all or nothing!"
"Damn right! I want it all, and you want nothing!" Sirius retorted angrily, breathing hard.
Remus recoiled a bit, but didn't speak right away.
Sirius tried to steady himself, and spoke again. "We're trying Remus. We all are: James, Lily, me, everyone. We don't like what happened, how we doubted you, how we treated you . . . in fact, we hate it. I hate it. It's the worst thing I ever did in my entire life, and it lead to the ruin of everything I cared about. But that . . . we can't mend things if you don't let us. If you're not willing to meet us halfway then, yes, you will be fondly remembered in old stories, and maybe someone will send you a card on your birthday, or at Christmas. We can't make it up to you if you don't forgive us. If you don't let us in, open up a bit, even just a tiny crack."
Remus hung his head, then shook it softly. "It's not that I don't forgive you. I do."
Sirius snorted, and Remus' head snapped up. "I do."
"For what happened in the past, maybe. But not for any future mistakes we might make," Sirius said.
"Forgiveness doesn't happen in the future tense, Sirius."
"Sure it does. Just not for you."
Remus shook his head again. "That's not fair."
"Of course it is. You were always like this. Always in control, always tightly guarded. Always quick to forgive, but also always quick to close yourself off even that much more after, just a little."
"Getting hurt will do that to a person," Remus said.
"Maybe." Sirius didn't say any more. Silence hung thick in the air until Sirius said, low and soft, "Do you hate us that much? Do you hate me that much?"
"Of course not . . . if I hated you, everything would be so much easier than . . ."
"Than what?"
Remus shook his head, his lips clasped together tightly, as if refusing to let the words escape him. Sirius, on impulse, stepped forward and placed a kiss on those lips, chaste at first, but he refused to move them until he could get a thread on the secrets they contained behind them.
Sirius wasn't sure how long they stood like that until Remus relented a small bit, applying pressure of his own to Sirius' lips. Sirius kissed back, slowly encouraging Remus' mouth to open up under his; it did, eventually, slowly, fractions of millimeters at a time, but Sirius, for once in his life, was patient, cupping Remus' face with his hands, and he felt he had all the time in the universe to stand there and riddle out the secrets of Remus Lupin's mouth.
When they pulled apart, both needing air, Remus said, "This is dangerous."
"I know," Sirius said, and kissed him again.
***
After the incident in his classroom, Remus, to Sirius' great frustration, became even more guarded, more serious. He quietly made sure he was never alone with Sirius again, not even when they were doing research into Peter's possible activities; they worked in the library during open hours, or in the Great Hall, or on the grounds, but never in either's office, and never alone.
Sirius, however exasperated, also knew Remus well enough to know that Remus was working something out on his own, and didn't question the circumstances, or complain.
James said this display of patience was a bloody miracle, and vowed to write down the dates for possible reference in the future, though he made no comment as to exactly why he knew Sirius was being so patient. He didn't have to; Sirius knew James was handling him just as carefully as Sirius was watching Remus, watching out to make sure no one got hurt. Sirius reflected often that only James Potter could interfere in his life by not doing anything.
Sirius was carting books to Remus' office one late afternoon and found Remus there packing a small case full of gauze, bandages, and medical tape, the Map open on his desk, a steaming goblet standing on the far right corner.
When Sirius stopped in the threshold, Remus merely looked up and said, "Full moon."
Sirius silently cursed himself for not knowing the date of the full moon, and put the books down on a table. "Let me come with you," he said.
Remus shook his head. "I've been doing just fine for years," he said.
Sirius sighed. "That's not the point."
"Really, Sirius. The Wolfsbane works wonders; this stuff is mostly a precaution. I'll be fine."
"Where do you Change? In your rooms?" Sirius remembered that Remus didn't have a floo connection in his rooms, because it was too dangerous, presumably in case the wolf got out of control.
Remus shook his head.
"Not here in your office?"
Remus shook his head again and sighed.
The truth hit Sirius like a ton of bricks. "Oh, no. Not there."
"It's perfectly serviceable, Sirius."
"It's a pit, Remus. I can't believe you'd go back there after all of these years."
"I don't really have much of a choice, do I, Sirius?"
"No, you're not going back there."
Remus sighed again. "I've been 'going back there' for months. It's not a problem."
"You have to let me come with you, then. I can change and be Padfoot; I don't have patrol duties tonight, so no one will miss me."
Sirius watched doubt flicker across Remus' face, and knew he was tempted.
Then he saw Remus' eyes flicker to the Map, and Remus' face drain of all color.
"What?" Sirius asked. When Remus didn't answer, he asked again. "What?"
"Peter Pettigrew and Bellatrix LeStrange." Remus pointed to the Map. There, as stark as day, were the two markers, headed across the grounds toward the Quidditch pitch, where the markers of Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley hovered.
"Go straight to Dumbledore, floo Lily and James in his office," Sirius said.
"Where are you going?" Remus asked, though Sirius knew that it was a moot question.
Sirius stabbed a finger at the Map. "To the pitch."
Sirius was out of the office in an instant, Remus at his heels until they parted before the Headmaster's office.
The steaming goblet remained untouched on Remus' desk.
***
Sirius practically flew down to the Quidditch pitch, but did not get there before Peter, who was standing amongst Harry and his friends. Sirius saw no sign of Bellatrix, but knew she must be nearby. The sight of Peter, talking so amiably with Harry, made Sirius' blood boil, and he hit the pitch at almost a dead run.
"Sirius!" Harry called brightly. "Peter came to visit!"
Sirius practically skidded to a halt in front of the small tableau, and he turned to Harry, Ron, and Hermione. "Harry, take your friends back up to the castle."
"But, Sirius," Harry started to protest, confused.
"Harry, do as I say, right now," Sirius snapped, his eyes never leaving Peter.
Peter, of all things, began to laugh, though Sirius did not miss the note of cruelty in it. "Really, Sirius. I'm just having a chat with Harry and his friends. I was even thinking a trip into Hogsmeade might be in order."
"Harry's not allowed to leave school grounds at any time, and Ron and Hermione aren't allowed in Hogsmeade on non-official weekends." Sirius noted that Harry and his friends hadn't made one move toward the castle, though Hermione's eyes were darting quickly between Sirius and Peter.
"Really, Padfoot. We used to nip on down to the village all the time. Surely you remember."
Sirius knew Peter's use of the nickname was deliberate, and he started to turn to Harry to demand he return to the castle, when a bright flash of red light came out of the Quidditch stands, hitting him squarely in the chest. He felt himself fall backwards, stunned, through the veil of mist starting to rise off the pitch in the pre-evening coolness.
He hit the ground with a thunk, unable to move any part of his body except for his eyes. He heard Hermione scream, and saw Bellatrix emerge from the stands, hair as dark as his, but wild and matted. She was very clearly filthy, and Sirius' nose could detect the strong smell of decay all over her. The hand clasped around the wand she held was gnarled and twisted, and Sirius wondered how his once beautiful cousin had turned into this.
Sirius' eyes darted to Harry, who looked something between confused and betrayed, and who said, "That's . . . that's Bellatrix LeStrange." Sirius saw Ron step up next to Harry, carefully guiding Hermione a bit behind him, though she would have none of it, and stepped up next to Ron.
Peter laughed again. "Always such a bright boy, Harry. Now, just come along with Uncle Peter, and no one will get hurt."
"You're working with her!" Hermione exclaimed. "You're the one who let her into the castle!"
"Hermione Granger, you really are the brightest witch of your age." Peter smiled, and this time there was no mistaking the cruelty.
Harry, on the other hand, was starting to go for his wand, when Peter let out an "Expelliarmus!," causing the wand to go flying out of Harry's reach.
Harry started to respond with an "Accio," and found Peter's wand pointing under his chin for his trouble.
"If you're going to kill Harry, you'll have to kill us, too!" Ron shouted.
Peter's head snapped toward, Ron who, along with Hermione, was being held close by the threat of Bellatrix's wand.
"But Ron, we don't want to kill Harry. It's just that my master wants to see him for a bit, borrow something of his that he needs. There's no need to get excited."
"You're working for Voldemort," Harry said, and it wasn't a question. "He's your master."
"Got it in one, Harry," Peter said. He turned to look down at Sirius' prone body. "How long did it take you, Padfoot?" he asked, knowing that Sirius couldn't respond.
"How could you betray my parents?" Harry spat. "You're the one who told Voldemort where they were, where they were hiding with me!"
To Sirius' utter shock, Peter shrugged. "When working for the Dark Lord, everyone makes sacrifices. And convincing your parents to trust me wasn't very hard; they already did. Even convincing them and Sirius to stop trusting Remus wasn't very hard. I almost felt sorry for Remus, but it was all just so easy that I couldn't help myself." Peter smirked. "They knew that someone was feeding information to Voldemort, spying on them; I was almost afraid they'd figure it out, but then I realized all I had to do was start whispering things about Remus. Remus helped, of course, just by being himself, poor bastard, but that part really wasn't my fault." He looked down at Sirius. "Was it now, Sirius?"
Sirius felt his face heat with anger, but he still couldn't move, not even to speak.
"I'm afraid, though, Harry, that we really must be going. We have a ritual to perform tonight, and you're the honored guest."
Bellatrix cackled, and Sirius felt a rush of cold fear go through him.
Then, Harry's eyes flashed, and Sirius saw Hermione shiver, and he knew that the cold wasn't just from fear. The grass around his body grew frosty, and he saw Peter's eyes shift away from Harry's face toward Bellatrix.
Bellatrix was facing the sky, where dozens upon dozens of Dementors could be seen, falling from the twilight like rain. She screamed, and Sirius' stomach clenched.
Peter, realizing that time was of the essence now, raised his wand over his head and grabbed hold of Harry's arm, about to Apparate them both and leave his accomplice behind to face her fate alone.
"Expelliarmus!" shouted a woman's voice, Lily's, and Peter's wand went flying into her outstretched hand.
Sirius turned his eyes to see Lily, James, and Remus all standing around the pitch, along with Dumbledore, McGonagall and Snape.
James' face was hard, his eyes cold behind his glasses. "Really, Peter, don't you remember anything from school? You can't Apparate on Hogwarts grounds anyway."
Sirius saw Peter's face drop for just a second, before he pulled a small cup from his cloak pocket. "I came prepared for any contingency, Prongs," he said, before nearly forcing the thing into Harry's hands. Harry, however, struggled in Peter's grip before Hermione pulled her wand from her back pocket and said, "Accio cup."
Dumbledore, seeing the same danger Sirius did, that the Portkey would then work on Hermione, managed to incinerate the thing before it even reached her hands.
Harry, seizing the opportunity, began to run, but suddenly stopped, turning back toward the pitch, where the Dementors were landing. His face had gone sheet white, and his mouth was open as the Dementors started to feed on Bellatrix; one was also gliding steadily forward, looming upon Harry.
Remus' wand hand shot out, and he yelled, "EXPECTO PATRONUM!" A bright white light began to shimmer out of the end of his wand, followed by a big, gangly four-legged creature, a dog, who began to herd the Dementor away from Harry, and indeed, started to round up the other dozens of Dementors after that, throwing them wide with its large head.
Bellatrix was already on the grass, unmoving, but Sirius watched in awe as Remus' silver Padfoot cast Dementor after Dementor aside, until the pitch was once again empty of their poisonous presence.
Then, the patronus began to waver, and grow faint, and Sirius looked at Remus, who had grown deathly pale, his eyes dilating. Then Sirius looked straight up, and caught sight of the full moon, and understood, horror descending upon him.
Lily also looked at the sky, then back to Remus, who was beginning to shake uncontrollably. Snape, who had collected Hermione and Ron also looked suddenly grim, and backed the students away from their DADA Professor.
Sirius had seen the Change many, many times before, but he would reflect later that he'd seen few so awful. Remus looked down at himself, and began to twitch, whimpering involuntarily as his feet grew longer, his arms grew fur. The snap of tendons and the screech of bone against bone were sharp in the early night, until Remus finally let out an involuntary, blood-curdling scream, and the Change was complete.
The werewolf looked around at the assembled humans, and then lifted its head and gave a mighty howl.
Lily ran to Harry, encircling him tightly, and Snape moved to stand in front of Ron and Hermione.
As soon as the wolf started to move forward, however, James quickly turned into Prongs, and the large stag maneuvered himself between the humans and the werewolf. The wolf, annoyed by this, lunged at the deer, but as always, Prongs was ready and blocked this attack with his antlers, piercing the wolf's coat and sending him flying. The stag trotted over to where the wolf had landed, and the two began to circle each other, the wolf trying to decide if he could take his opponent. Prongs, however, bent down and gently tried to prod the wolf with his muzzle, to get him to understand that he was a friend, that he used to be, and still was, pack. The wolf suddenly stopped, and sniffed the stag warily, before letting off another piercing howl, and racing off into the woods, the stag following after.
If he could have, Sirius would have let out a sigh of relief, until he saw the smug look on Peter's face. Peter got a good look at Harry and then waved a goodbye, transforming into a rat before everyone's eyes. He disappeared into the grass and Sirius thought he would be lost in the darkness when he saw McGonagall transform into her cat anamagus form.
The cat immediately put her nose to the ground, softly sniffing; then she delicately turned in one direction, laying herself nearly flat on the ground, clearly stalking her prey. She headed in one direction, then another, and she was nearly to the goal posts when Sirius saw her suddenly bound in the air and pounce. She came up victorious, a large rat struggling in her jaws.
The cat trotted up to Dumbledore, and sat at his feet, rat still held tight in her mouth. Dumbledore reached down and plucked the rat up by the tail, the cat willingly letting go. He reached down and stroked the cat's shining fur once, then twice, before McGonagall transformed back, a satisfied smile on her face.
"I see this was an exciting night for everyone involved," Dumbledore intoned. "Lily, if you would see to Sirius, my dear; Professor Snape, if you would release Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley into my care and check on the condition of Ms. LeStrange I would be most grateful," he said, before starting back up toward the castle, rat in hand.
Snape went over and examined Bellatrix's prone form before lifting her limp body into the air with a levitation spell.
Suddenly, Lily's face appeared over Sirius', and she was grinning. "Knocked out by a stunning spell in the first round, Professor Sirius Black? For shame." Harry, still beside her, laughed, and Sirius, though he knew he'd never hear the end of this for the rest of his natural life, thought that laugh was the most precious sound in the world.
***
Sirius was sitting cross-legged on the end of Remus Lupin's bed in the infirmary, watching Remus' eyes blink open as he struggled toward consciousness. He watched as Remus took a careful inventory of the room, confusion in his eyes as he tried to riddle out where he was, and why he was there. Eventually, those eyes shifted to take in the sight of Sirius, dressed in Muggle jeans and a white t-shirt, barefoot, and Sirius had to smile as Remus' eyes widened.
"I have a message for you from James," Sirius said. Remus closed his eyes like a man resigned to accepting his fate, and Sirius continued. "I'm quoting here: 'I am getting too old for this; either take your potion the next time or stop killing so many innocent rabbits who never did anything to you. Sorry for the puncture wounds, mate, but they were necessary at the time.'"
Remus' eyes opened again, and he gingerly moved his body, his hand touching the thick padding of bandages and gauze on his left side.
"He really was sorry over all of those rabbits. I'd never have thought Prongs would get so squeamish in his old age," Sirius added. Sirius, who had gone down to the woods and changed into Padfoot as soon as the stunning curse had lifted, and found the rest of his pack, knew that Padfoot was almost equally responsible for the rabbit carnage, but he kept that to himself for the time being.
Remus shook his head. "I can't believe I forgot to take the Wolfsbane," he said, his voice no more than a horse whisper.
"There were extenuating circumstances."
"Not that extenuating."
Sirius, knowing he would never be able to change Remus' mind on the subject, decided he'd rather pick his battles elsewhere.
Remus sighed. "I suppose I've been sacked."
"Are you mad?"
Remus looked up at Sirius like he was the one who had lost his mind, and he said so. "Are you mad? I didn't take the potion; I put the entire school, students and staff at risk, and I'm sure the Ministry has already been informed as to my conduct last night. Dumbledore would have no choice but to let me go."
"Far be it from me to speak for Dumbledore," Sirius began, "but so far, he's mentioned no such thing."
"I should resign, then. Parents will not want . . . someone like me teaching their children, and Dumbledore has already risked far too much on my account."
"I have no idea how the parents would find out about your lycanthropy, unless you know something that I don't," Sirius said. When Remus looked up at him, mute, Sirius continued. "Dumbledore did talk to the Ministry, yes, and your conduct last night was discussed in detail, but it was almost entirely about how you saved Harry, the rest of us, and probably the entire school from all being Kissed by Dementors. You, Professor Lupin, are actually about to receive a medal from the Order of Merlin."
Sirius laughed at Remus' baffled and incredulous expression. "There was a point when Snape thought he might insert a word or two, but let's just say I managed to persuade him otherwise."
Remus closed his eyes. "That persuasion didn't involve fists, did it?"
"I should say not!" Sirius denied, feigning offense. "I just reminded him that some other people I could name had made mistakes in their lifetimes, and that they wouldn't appreciate others reminding the Ministry, or the parents of the students here, of those facts."
Remus' eyes remained closed. "Blackmail, then."
"Ha, blackmail!" Sirius laughed, and Remus opened his eyes at that, the beginning of a smile quirking his lips.
Remus sighed again. "I still don't deserve to stay."
"That's your entire problem, Moony," Sirius said softly. "You don't think you deserve anything."
Sirius began to crawl gently up the bed, until he was stretched out next to Remus on his side, and Remus had rolled to face him so that they were practically nose to nose. Sirius leaned and kissed Remus softly on the lips. When they parted, Remus let out an entirely different sigh altogether.
"I'm sorry," Sirius said.
Remus' eyebrows came together. "What?"
"I'm sorry. I never said I was sorry for thinking you were the spy. So: I'm sorry."
There was a long pause, silence filling every corner of the infirmary, until Remus said softly, "Dumbledore had me visiting werewolf camps . . . living among, as he said, my own kind. He wanted to bring them over to our side; he thought I, having the, er, natural tendencies, would be the one to do it. When I went away, that's what I was doing. For most of that last year, he had me almost living with Fenrir Greyback and his pack, trying to convince him not to join Voldemort. It was a lost cause; Greyback was already a Death Eater, but I didn't know that until after James, Lily and Harry were attacked, when he bragged to me, thinking the strike had been successful. I stayed away because it seemed everyone was getting on just fine without me, and I still didn't know how to prove to you I wasn't the spy. There was little I could do, so I did nothing."
Sirius recoiled before he could stop himself. "Remus . . . that's. That's horrible."
"I know. Dumbledore wanted to keep the missions secret anyway, but even if he hadn't . . . I was too ashamed to tell anyone, even you."
"Ashamed?" Sirius cupped Remus' cheek with his palm, running his thumb along Remus' cheekbone. "Moony. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Dumbledore, on the other hand . . . ." Sirius' voice turned hard. "Sending you to live with Fenrir Greyback." Sirius spat the name. "That's like . . ."
"I know what it's like," Remus said. "And I'd rather not dwell on it too long. Those were not happy times."
"No, they weren't," Sirius agreed softly.
Finally Remus ventured, "When you said before, in my classroom, that you wanted it all - " Remus trailed off and looked down.
"I meant I wanted all of it. The books in the pantry; the dirty socks on the floor; the snoring; the borrowing my razor without permission . . ."
"I don't snore," Remus protested, but he smiled.
"Like a hippogriff," Sirius said. "All of you, all of us, even the fights and the misunderstandings and the occasional small pettiness. And I will not give up on you this time, not ever again."
"I gave up on you, too, you know."
"I know. But it's not like I didn't make that easier." Sirius sighed. "I can't believe that Peter's inner animal was a rat and it took us this long to figure things out."
Sirius was rewarded by a laugh from Remus. "I didn't ask . . . what happened to Peter, anyway?"
At that, Sirius looked more than a little smug. "McGonagall caught him; like a, well, a cat with a rat. He was turned over to the Aurors late last night; I'm sure it will be a trial and then Azkaban for him. They're probably grilling him about Voldemort as we speak." Sirius paused. "Azkaban's too good for him."
"Azkaban isn't too good for anyone," Remus replied. "And Bellatrix?"
"Kissed by the Dementors, even before you could stop them. It's what she deserved, I reckon."
On that point, Remus was silent.
Sirius answered the unspoken question. "Voldemort wanted Harry's blood for a spell that would bring him back to corporeal form."
Remus shivered. "You think he'll keep trying?"
"With his two closest minions gone, he'll be weakened, but no one's taking anything for granted."
The two men were silent, Sirius still gently stroking Remus' cheek.
"Will you be staying on at Hogwarts?" Remus asked, and Sirius knew it was no idle question.
"Well. I've already tendered my resignation as Astronomy professor," Sirius answered, and he watched Remus' face fall, which gave him his own kind of answer.
"However," he continued. "I always knew that was a temporary position, and Professor Sinistra is returning in the fall. Dumbledore did mention to me that he might be looking to add on an assistant Quidditch coach next fall . . . Madame Hooch is always saying she could use extra help."
"Is she now?" Remus asked, a light flickering on in his eyes.
"Uh-huh. Dumbledore said I might consider it."
"Really."
"Absolutely."
"Well, you might want to, be able to stay close to Harry and all."
"I don't think it was Harry Dumbledore had in mind, and I'll say that wasn't quite what I had in mind, either."
"What did you have in mind?"
"I thought I might try being close to the DADA Professor for a change, if he'll have me," Sirius said, rolling his hips closer to Remus' to emphasize his point.
Remus made a noise that got caught deep in his throat. "He will," Remus said.
Sirius kissed Remus again, and moved his hand from Remus' cheek to his hip. "I thought I came to Hogwarts this year for Harry," he whispered. "But I really came for you."
"To make sure I didn't harm Harry," Remus replied, but Sirius shook his head on the pillow.
"That's what I thought, too, but it's not true. I came for you, to see you, to have you in my life again, no matter in what capacity. It was you, Remus; it's always been you."
Remus leaned in and kissed Sirius soundly, placing a hand on his belly. "I've never known you for grand confessions, Sirius," he said.
"Are you joking? I'm the king of grand confessions," Sirius laughed.
Remus stifled him with a kiss that was, in its way, his own grand confession.
***
On his fourteenth birthday, Harry Potter received a Firebolt from his Quidditch coach and DADA Professor, the card signed, "From Sirius and Remus," and Remus Lupin ate so much birthday cake at the party that he didn't eat another meal for the next day and a half.