I dare not stop hitting myself.

[grinninfoole]

I was driving home from Andover today, en route to an appointment with an eye doctor (I need progressive lenses), and ruminating as I do, when it struck me that I'm a hypocrite. It's one of my bedrock principles that everyone matters, and yet so much of my life is shaped by a sense that I don't. Part of that is depression, of course, but I think

Comments

[millari]

I'm glad you have come to a conclusion like this. Not to be all "I told you so",but I have in many ways after you for years to believe that you matter. You have this weird balance of privilege/not privilege that I think comes from being aware of it, but not being entirely comfortable with it.

Truth be told, pretty much all our friends come from some kind of privilege other, so don't beat yourself up that you're all that special in this department, btw. You just happen to have hit a trifecta of privilege because of the white, male, educated, rich thing. But I think it would possibly be good for you to be able to talk to someone about this feeling. The Quakers are an interesting choice. Do they even talk about God? I also think you would really benefit at this point in your life from having a community around you that expected you to show up regularly and also took care of you as much as you would take care of them.