torn between to lovers, feelin' like a fooool
fucking university fucking does my nut
NOW I am thinking about reapplying next year. Gradual realisation that I wasted three of my choices ( Bristol, Warwick, Oxford Brookes - five, if you consider that I don't really want to go to Oxford and the effects the cuts at Sussex have had on my feelings about it all).
But then I think wait! The reason I want to go to Sussex is because I know that literature is not the most important thing in my life and if I go to Oxford and make it the centre of my world I will experience an unpleasant state of cognitive dissonance and generally be sad. I really cannot see myself being happy at Oxford. The only thing that would bring some happiness is the buzz you get when you say oh hi I'm at Oxford. But now I've gone and fucking firmed it on UCAS, and I can't even wait until the Sussex open day to make sure I definitely want to change it because the grace period during which you can change your decision is only 14 days. WHY AM I SO STUPID, I COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL MAY TO MAKE THIS DECISION, BUT NO
so what would I do in my year off? Get a job? explode quietly? The idea of staying here for another year also does my head in. But the idea of reapplying to places like Bristol and Leeds (ie. nice places w/ good reputations where I actually want to go...) when I've got 3 A*s (here's hoping) is nice. I could always transfer in my second year I guess. I really fancy Bristol. They rejected me in five minutes flat this year because of my shite GCSEs so what's to stop them doing it again?
On the other hand if I just change UCAS (you can only do it once) to Sussex as my firm then I can relax about psychology - I only need another 87 UMS marks to get a B and I got 99 in the last exam. THIS WOULD MEAN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO LEARN UNIT 4 AT ALL, NOTHING, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT! THIS IS A VERY EXCITING PROSPECT! It would also not matter if I got a B in language. A* in lit is kind of a given, my coursework has full marks and I'll just need an A on the exam (that's only 96/120, woah woah woah).
I don't know. I'm going to ring UCAS in a minute and ask if they can extend my grace period until the 30th (sussex open day is on the 29th). Bet they won't do it, the bastards. Not that it's their fault, it's my fault completely. I'm scared they'll say no.
I'm getting a tarot reading. Yes, I know it's bollocks, probably. I might as well flip a coin. but if I can trick myself into thinking I've made an educated decision then I might feel a bit better. Might. I know what will happen. I will change track on a whim, then next week be like WHY HAVE I THROWN AWAY THE BEST CHANCE OF MY LIIIIFE, ARGHHHHH
I might order some raspberry earl grey from etsy. And hope that the effect of the cuts on sussex is being exaggerated.
NOW I am thinking about reapplying next year. Gradual realisation that I wasted three of my choices ( Bristol, Warwick, Oxford Brookes - five, if you consider that I don't really want to go to Oxford and the effects the cuts at Sussex have had on my feelings about it all).
But then I think wait! The reason I want to go to Sussex is because I know that literature is not the most important thing in my life and if I go to Oxford and make it the centre of my world I will experience an unpleasant state of cognitive dissonance and generally be sad. I really cannot see myself being happy at Oxford. The only thing that would bring some happiness is the buzz you get when you say oh hi I'm at Oxford. But now I've gone and fucking firmed it on UCAS, and I can't even wait until the Sussex open day to make sure I definitely want to change it because the grace period during which you can change your decision is only 14 days. WHY AM I SO STUPID, I COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL MAY TO MAKE THIS DECISION, BUT NO
so what would I do in my year off? Get a job? explode quietly? The idea of staying here for another year also does my head in. But the idea of reapplying to places like Bristol and Leeds (ie. nice places w/ good reputations where I actually want to go...) when I've got 3 A*s (here's hoping) is nice. I could always transfer in my second year I guess. I really fancy Bristol. They rejected me in five minutes flat this year because of my shite GCSEs so what's to stop them doing it again?
On the other hand if I just change UCAS (you can only do it once) to Sussex as my firm then I can relax about psychology - I only need another 87 UMS marks to get a B and I got 99 in the last exam. THIS WOULD MEAN I WOULDN'T HAVE TO LEARN UNIT 4 AT ALL, NOTHING, NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT! THIS IS A VERY EXCITING PROSPECT! It would also not matter if I got a B in language. A* in lit is kind of a given, my coursework has full marks and I'll just need an A on the exam (that's only 96/120, woah woah woah).
I don't know. I'm going to ring UCAS in a minute and ask if they can extend my grace period until the 30th (sussex open day is on the 29th). Bet they won't do it, the bastards. Not that it's their fault, it's my fault completely. I'm scared they'll say no.
I'm getting a tarot reading. Yes, I know it's bollocks, probably. I might as well flip a coin. but if I can trick myself into thinking I've made an educated decision then I might feel a bit better. Might. I know what will happen. I will change track on a whim, then next week be like WHY HAVE I THROWN AWAY THE BEST CHANCE OF MY LIIIIFE, ARGHHHHH
I might order some raspberry earl grey from etsy. And hope that the effect of the cuts on sussex is being exaggerated.