Happy Winter Solstice Holiday of your Choice!
Well, I survived Christmas.
Actually, it's never really that bad. What it is, is a strange little conceptual thingy I find myself floating in. Not sure if I can explain....
I'm not Christian. I have decidedly not been Christian for nearly 20 years, 10 of which I was a practicing Neo-Pagan, and I have been officially Jewish for roughly the last three. So, needless to say, Christmas is not "my" Holyday. But it remains the holiday of all of my family. And in my various religious studies I've naturally found some common themes among the various Winter Solstice traditions and customs that exist around the world. So I've actually done this weird little mind switch-over thing where I now actually celebrate those commonalities rather than any specific holiday itself. Oh sure, I celebrate Chanukah - Judaism's a particularistic orthopraxy rather than an orthodoxy - I'm a Jew and I celebrate Winter Solstice in a Jewish way. What I'm not is so worried about looking un-Jewish that I can't participate in something that's not specifically Jewish. (I love my chosen people, I really do, and I understand where a lot of these concerns come from, but we're kind of a paranoid people, and that particular point just isn't resonating with me personally....) Besides, I was raised with Christmas and I still really love the holiday, even if the specific Christian meaning doesn't apply to me. There are a ton of memory triggers for me, and I still find myself being very "frum" and ritualistic about keeping some of my family's traditions going. (Oy, are my children going to be so messed up!)
No, I guess the "survived" comment is more a left-over from five years in retail, where some of the holiday was ruined by early over-exposure to 500 versions of the same three songs.... Now it's a complete turn-around in that I work at my synagogue and am no longer living with my family, so I'm actually feeling underexposed (?) to Christmas.
Well, there was some survivability going on, just in all that usual family stuff, which is normal for any holiday, and really wasn't so bad. Most of it is just that "combining families" thing that eventually happens for a couple. (Brian and I must be officially a unit now, since so many of the things we were given were to us as a couple. It amuses me.) Obviously this has been going on for some time, but it's reached a pinnacle this year (after five years together) since Brian got his Masters and isn't away at school anymore.... Okay, and mostly in his family. Mostly with his Mom, Lou. She's, well, let's just say that my family is more laid-back, easy-going, and far less hyper-pushy than she is. She's nice enough and all, but....
Yes, I'm tangent-ranting.... We moved in together in June, so yes it's been over half a year now. Shortly after we moved in together she commented something along the lines of "when you're ready, it would be nice if you had us over". Well, yes, of course. However, it wasn't too very long after that she started asking Brian when we would have them over for dinner. (Notice now that we're having them over for dinner.) And this went on, and has been going on. And each time it comes up she seems more offended. (My Mom, meanwhile, has never once asked me when she could come over and see the place. I mentioned this to her and she said, "well, I figured when you were ready you'd invite me over." She was not upset or offended. My Mom is cool.)
Let me get a couple of things down:
* Brian and I had been dating about five years when we moved in together, true, but it was a really long-distance relationship practically that entire time, so we're really just getting to know each other on the daily mundane level.
* I have never not lived at the home I grew up in - we never moved when I was little, I commuted to the local University, I've watched my brother, kriegschrei, move in and out and in again, my father divorced my mom, but I never left - so this has been a major change for me, without trying to sort through the chaos of personal effects brought about by a couple of major break-downs.
So you tell me "when I'm ready" it means when I'm ready, right? Apparently not really. Too bad, that's what you're getting. And if you weren't such a pushy critical Weibsstück ya probably would've been over here by now. But you don't invite yourself over to my turf. Especially not when you've already said "when I'm ready". And the more you push, the longer you wait. Yes, I'm stubborn and difficult and maybe I don't always play nice with others. But I had one just like you once.
Anyway, the minor dilemma now is that Brian's Grandma, Louise, is coming in from Montreal for a few days next week. And his sister, Diane, is home from school on break right now too. So naturally it's kind of a now-or-never time to have everyone over. And I like Louise, and she's very important to Brian, and he doesn't get to see her all that often. And I'd have her over every day. She's fine. I'd really like to see her too. She's cool. The dilemma is not that she's here, or even that it means everyone else has to come over. The dilemma is when to actually do it. She'll be here Thursday through Saturday, the 3rd through the 5th. And that is the problem. Saturday the 5th is Twelfth Night. Their Excellencies Angus and Ciara have recently had to move to the East, but will be coming back to visit at Twelfth Night to pass on their crowns to their successors. I have known this for months. I have been friends with them since shortly after I met Brian, and until he graduated this Spring, have seen them more regularly than I have him in all of that time. I have been planning for months since I learned they had to move to see them at this event. We have known the dates Louise would be in town for a few weeks. Brian and I both work during the day on Thursday and Friday. Friday night I am going to services because I have two people to say Kaddish for, and I can't go Saturday because I will be at the event. So that leaves Thursday. And maybe this is plain whiny selfish, but I don't want to do dinner on Thursday for six extra people. Thursdays are often evil long days at work, and I still don't appreciate the whole inviting oneself over, and for dinner even. Can't they, like, just come over and hang? In my circles, it's okay to just hang and be - it doesn't have to be under the auspices of something else. Does she have to make everything into a big huge thing? (Oh, I'm sure she'd say it doesn't have to be anything fancy, but I know how she rolls. She has charger plates for crying out loud! And then there was the evil Chanukah party of doom!)
Anyway, end rant.