Sexual Healing

[grovegoddess]

So I've been trying like a mad woman to "get back out there". This is, of course, nearly impossible in my neck of the woods. I signed up on 3 separate online dating services OKCupid, gothicpersonals, theonion (grovegoddess on all if you're curious). Haven't really met anyone yet just people in far off places who want a cheap thrill, not that

Comments

[phoenixdancer]

I need to find that energetic connection.

I totally know what you mean!!! It's strange...but so many of us are going through some sort of sexual healing/crisis/change (all of the above...) right now. This past weekend for me was a huge revelation on the topic of sex.

Good luck figuring it all out! hehe...maybe we need a support group ;-)

[grovegoddess]

I was noticing that. Everyone is just bursting out of every kind of closet these days. Its great but strange too. Something in the stars I suppose.

[phoenixdancer]

Yeah...I wonder what it all means. It seems like the world is opening up. It was weird...yesterday another friend of mine posted a kind of "coming out" thing on LJ. I have no idea what is making people burst out lately...maybe it's something to do with honesty. I feel like I've been needing to be honest about stuff lately...and not hide any part of myself...and it seems like others are doing the same. It's all good I guess :-). I wish I knew more about astrology :-).
Did Cara talk to you about Beltane?

Trust is so hard

[heinleinfan]

Especially so soon after a blow to the trust programming. I have absolutely no worthwhile advice to give because I have very serious issues with trust. Well, okay, there's some advice. I have some very serious issues with trust, i.e. I don't do it, therefore I have serious relationship issues, annoy the hell out of my boyfriend, can't keep friends and can't picture myself in a poly lifestyle that so many people I know now seem to enjoy.
So, you can learn from my mistakes, and start trusting again in order to avoid these negatives. No if only I could learn from my mistakes...

Trust is really difficult

[gargirl]

I have been in many abusive situations in my life that taught me not to trust. I think in some ways I have managed to preserve some sense of "there is good in everyone," but in some ways... not so much.

Garboy has been solid as a rock; there for me, faithful and basically perfect... for 7 years. Guess what? I STILL have trouble trusting that he is for real. I have handled this situation by acting "as if." I have opened up and made myself vulnerable, in my own time and way. My trust has been growing through the years and I think will only continue to grow.

My 2 cents would be; give yourself some time. The kind of betrayal you experienced was devastating to you. It is going to take time and healing to get beyond it. When it feels right and safe I'm sure you will be able to trust again. Take care of you and give yourself time to sort out what kinds of conections you need and want with people and what feels right for you.

XXOO

Maybe not

[kellesparta]

Consider that this need to go outside yourself for fulfillment may simply be a reflection of the feeling that you don't find it within you. I found that after my divorce I had two major issues. The first was proving that I was, in fact, desirable to men (my ex had made me feel VERY unsexy). The second was figuring out who I was again. I had given up much of who I felt I was to try to save the relationship. I had to go back and reclaim those pieces. I avoided this task terribly. The universe conspired against me (or with me if you look at the benefit of the final result). I had a hard time finding people to talk to or go out with or things to engage my attention. I was forced to sit with myself and do some hard thinking about who I was and what I wanted from life. I also did some grieving over the life I had hoped to create with my ex but didn't. I knew it was the right decision to divorce him, but I was still lonely and depressed at times. I still missed him

Re: Maybe not

[grovegoddess]

That would be worthwhile advice, I suppose, but our problem was that he was the one not being himself for the relationship. I've been me all along and it was my own refusal to become something else that ended it. That's not entirely true, I did give up something which was "getting out there". I had to stop doing that to some how balance his inability to "get out there" in an appropriate matter which is what I was trying to explain in the post but not very well, I guess.

I wasn't saying that I needed to mentally and spiritually connect with someone but the physiological connection is what's lacking at the moment. I have been a hermit 24/7 for the past 2.5 years, trust me, I don't need to do that anymore. I'm free, damnit!

OK, stepping off my soapbox now.