Dear God

[growingupme]

I can't do this anymore.  I feel like my life is a proverbial toilet set on flush.  I'm sorry that all I seem to do lately is complain, but I don't feel like I have anything in my life to really feel happy about.  Everything just seems to be getting from bad to worse, and I am falling apart.  I'm getting to the point of not know what to do anymore to cope.  I'm also tiered of people telling me that I need to get out of the situation.  Well, that's all fine and dandy but are you going to fork over the money for me to move out?  I don't earn enough to live on my own; I'm barely making ends meet.  I am trying to find a full time job, but apparently to get one now and days you need to be a pretty blonde.  I'm spending extra money to get extra certifications but I don't know what to do.  I'm getting a little upset with some of the teachers at work asking me when he is going to hire me because I honestly don't think he will.  If I do get a job I give everyone permission to rub this in my face later, but as of right now I feel like giving up completely on everything.  I'm frustrated with my older sister not being a mother and dealing with her children.  I'm tired of being taken advantage of when I get home without so much as a thank you.  I don't see other helping around the house or offering to let us have a brake.  I'm don't want to deal with a child that is constantly rude, disrespectful, ungrateful, and does not care.  Apparently it is okay to go back on an agreement; so my older sister says.  My nephew was told that he had to finish his homework this weekend without giving my any problems because he wanted to skip one day to go Trick or Treating.  Well the weekend came and a fighting match ensued.  It got to the point that I had to physically walk out of the house and down the street because I was so furious, but apparently its okay for him to behave that way.  She is never around so she never sees what he does so how would she know what kind of behavior he pulls at home?  It is not normal for a child to get a sadistic grin (I'm not exaggerating.  This smile is pure evil.) when he is amused at you becoming increasingly more frustrated with his behavior.  It is not normal for a child to cow wrangle a cat for fun.  It is not normal for a child his age to go after the cats and torment them for fun, and it is not normal for a child to find pleasure in threatening his siblings into doing what he wants them to do.  Yet she sees nothing wrong with him and we are just mean people that just like to torment him for fun.  He needs help, but all she sees is us apparently being horrible people because we think that something is wrong with him.  I just can't do this anymore.  over the past year I have lost way to many pets.  I miss my brother more than anything, and I can't take being looked at like I'm an evil spoiled little brat because my older sister thinks I am one.  To be absolutely truthful and honest all I really want is someone to hug me and tell me it will all be okay.  To not care about me bursting into tears and crying all over them.  I need a friend, and at the moment I really don't feel like I have any.  I'm not blaming anyone because it isn't anyone's fault.  I know everyone has a life of their own and they are moving forward and busy.  If I have to blame anyone it would have to be me because I don't feel like calling a friend every day and complaining because that wouldn't make anyone's life easier but my own.

Sincerely,
A distraught person who needs a friend.