(no subject)
Chapter Three
“Don’t!” Gabrielle snapped. “You’re messing it up.” Frowning indignantly, she leaned over to protect her precious handiwork from her sister’s messy fingers.
“But I wanna help,” Anna insisted, bending her little legs into an awkward squat, in an attempt to get down far enough to see what Gabrielle was hiding from her.
Gabrielle shook her head. “You don’t know how to do it right. You can pick some more dandelions, if you want to help.” She straightened up again, keeping a wary eye on her little sister. Then started to sort through the piles of bright yellow dandelions that Anna had spent the last fifteen minutes collecting for her.
Chloe and the girls were lying out on a blanket in the wide expanse of grass beside Gabe’s house. Chloe was reading, and the girls had been drawing in new sketch books with colored pencils, which Gabe had bought them yesterday.
But, a half-hour ago, Gabrielle had started idly braiding and weaving together the stems of a few dandelions. Becoming absorbed in this new project, she’d kept it up until she had a nice-sized mat of flowers and stems now. While it wasn’t particularly neat or attractive, it was impressive that she’d somehow been able to weave so many together.
Anna, of course, had been immediately mesmerized. And she’d traipsed around on a fervent quest for as many dandelions as she could find, coming back several times to their blanket with her chubby hands full of the colorful weeds.
At her sister’s suggestion, however, Anna stuck out her chin and sniffed a little. “I don’t wanna pick more. I wanna help Gabby.”
Chloe couldn’t help but smile covertly at Anna’s earnest attempt to participate. Chloe was still pretending to read, but she was keeping her eye on her daughters, in case the little tiff became a full fledged fight.
“I’m doing this one,” Gabrielle proclaimed. “You can do your own if you want.” Picking out several of the dandelions which Anna had torn too close to the head, she added, “Some of these are too short. I need long stems.”
Anna was breathing loudly through her nose as she rifled through the messy heap. Finding a few appropriate specimens and offering them to Gabrielle, she declared victoriously, “These is long stems.”
“These are long stems, honey,” Chloe corrected automatically.
Anna nodded, as if her mother had just proven her point. “These are long stems,” she echoed.
Gabrielle accepted the dandelions with the longer stems and started braiding them into her creation. But she wailed again when Anna reached out for the mat yet again. “Anna, no. You’ll mess it up. Make your own.”
Anna pulled back at this rebuff. Then she sat down on her bottom with a loud huff. She was wearing denim shorts with flower appliqués on one side and a matching pink shirt. Her blonde hair was braided into two short pigtails, to match Gabrielle’s much longer ones, and her cheeks were very rosy, but that must just be from her exertion in picking all the dandelions, since Chloe had put sunblock on all of them before they’d come out to sit in the sun.
Anna grabbed some of the dandelions and started twisting them together determinedly, occasionally glancing over at Gabrielle to see how her sister was managing this difficult procedure. Chloe had a pretty good suspicion about how Anna’s attempt would turn out.
She was right. A few minutes later, Anna whined, “Mommy!” When Chloe glanced up, Anna held up a mess of bent stems and torn dandelion heads. Anna’s mouth was turned down in a pitiful frown. “It's not right.”
Gabrielle snickered and kept working busily on her much more successful mat of dandelions.
“Maybe Gabrielle can help you after she’s done,” Chloe suggested, making sure she didn’t snicker herself at Anna’s amusingly botched attempt. “And maybe you can watch her until then.”
“Gabby help me please?” Anna requested, scooting over so she could get a better look at Gabrielle’s work.
“After I’m done,” Gabrielle told her. Then she turned her body protectively, to block Anna’s view.
Anna tried to peer around Gabrielle’s body, and then tried to peek over her shoulder. But when neither of these efforts was successful, she turned back to Chloe beseechingly. “Mommy!”
Chloe cleared her throat. Said pointedly, “I’m sure-since you worked so hard to pick all those dandelions for Gabrielle, she’ll at least let you watch.”
With a long sigh, Gabrielle straightened up again. Held out the dandelion mat so Anna could see. “You can watch,” she allowed, perking up when Chloe smiled at her appreciatively. “But we have to be very, very careful or it will fall apart.”
Anna nodded soberly, her blue-gray eyes wide and round. Very carefully, she reached down to pick up a dandelion. “This one is good?” she whispered, handing it cautiously to Gabrielle, as if the slightest move might trigger a spontaneous explosion of the admired mat.
Gabrielle nodded and took the proffered weed. “That one is good,” she affirmed, starting to weave it in with the others.
Chloe stifled a giggle and relaxed again, glad that the storm had been averted. They usually played together quite well, but an occasional fight, some minor, some traumatic, was unavoidable.
It was mid-morning on Saturday, and Lex was supposed to arrive around lunch time to spend the afternoon with the girls. The week hadn’t been as bad for the girls as Chloe had feared it would be. They were excited about visiting their grandfather, and so they hadn’t seemed too upset or worried about their altered situation. And Lex had come out on Wednesday evening, which both Anna and Gabrielle had gushed about all day Thursday.
Chloe had taken some time for herself on Wednesday so she hadn’t been around for Lex’s visit. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him, but she just felt a little . . . awkward about the whole situation, and it had been easier for her not to be there when he arrived.
Chloe thought the week had, as a whole, been good for her. She’d been able to mostly relax-which she hadn’t done in a really long time-and think through a lot of the issues that were troubling her, without the stress of really dealing with everything yet. She knew she’d need to deal with it-deal with Lex-soon, and she wanted to deal with everything. But she thought this brief break had somehow helped prepare her for it.
Things had built up to such an extent over the last year that Chloe had found herself subconsciously panicking at the thought of having to fix things. She hadn’t been able to even imagine what she needed to do to start to improve things, much less know how she was supposed to begin. But the slight distance had given her better perspective, and she had a clearer sense about how she and Lex might start to tackle things. So for the first time in a long time, she felt slightly encouraged about there being a way out of this rut.
It wasn't going to be easy, but she could at least see that it was possible.
She hadn’t been really happy this week, but she'd been reflective and quiet and emotional. Ridiculously emotional, really. She'd been crying at the drop of a hat. Not just out of fear or loneliness, but also because of silly things--like watching her father play with her squealing daughters, pretending he was a horse.
Today, however, she was feeling pretty good. Composed and calm and not emotional at all. Which was good, since she wasn’t planning to avoid Lex this afternoon. Yes, she was going to give him some alone time with the girls, but she didn’t want him to think she was hiding from him.
In fact, if she admitted the truth, she was actually looking forward to seeing him.
She’d missed him a lot this week. She'd missed him a lot for the last few months.
Chloe tried to concentrate on reading her book, since there were still a couple more hours before Lex would arrive. Glancing over to make sure her daughters were still behaving, she arranged her long skirt around her bare legs. She was wearing a loose sleeveless top and a cotton skirt. Not her normal style, but it was cool and comfortable for the hot day, the flowing lines deemphasized the fuller curves from the pounds she’d put on over the last month, and the outfit made her feel kind of old-fashioned and feminine.
It seemed silly to want to look pretty for Lex today-he was her husband of four years and there were so many issues between them-but she did. She wanted to look pretty. So she’d put on the casual skirt and flattering top this morning, instead of the old capri’s she’d been about to wear.
And then she’d actually preened when Anna declared that Mommy looked like a princess.
“Daddy’s here?” Anna asked, out of the blue.
Chloe glanced over at her daughter and shook her head. “Daddy’s not going to be here for a couple more hours.”
But Anna wasn’t looking at her. She was staring across the distance toward the house. “Daddy!” Anna burst out, this time jumping to her feet.
Chloe looked over to see what her daughter had noticed, and then felt her own heart leap into her throat.
It was Lex. His lean posture and bald head were impossible to mistake, even from this far away. He must have seen them because he was facing in their direction, and-as Chloe watched-he took a few steps toward them.
“Daddy!” Anna cried again, her little face beaming with excitement. She started running toward her father, but then jerked to stop and looked back questioningly at Chloe.
Chloe felt a strange ache in her throat at this hesitance, but she smiled and nodded. Urged Anna, “Of course. Go give your daddy a hug hello.”
Anna giggled and started running across the grass-which she’d previously cleared of dandelions-as fast as her little legs could carry her.
Chloe was feeling an inexplicable combination of pleasure, excitement, bone-deep anxiety, and a poignant kind of tension. She couldn’t remember ever feeling exactly like this before. The closest she could come was when she’d first found out she was pregnant with Gabrielle and decided she was keeping the baby.
At this thought, she managed to look away from Lex’s approaching figure and toward her older daughter, who hadn’t moved from the blanket on which she was sitting cross-legged.
“Gabrielle?” Chloe asked softly. “Don’t you want to go say hi to your daddy too?”
Gabrielle had been staring urgently at Lex, who just then was scooping up Anna and whirling her around in a hug that made the girl squeal. But at Chloe’s question, Gabrielle looked back down at her dandelion mat. Shook her head mutely.
Chloe’s own emotional response shifted into a deep surge of concern. “Why not, pumpkin? I thought you were looking forward to his visit?’
Gabrielle couldn’t seem to speak. Just stared down and shook her head again.
Adjusting herself until she was stretched out directly in front of the little girl, Chloe persisted gently, “Are you still a little mad at Daddy?”
Another shake of the glowing, pigtailed head.
Chloe let out a breath, glad of this at least. A lasting grudge would have been a significant worry. Thinking quickly, she prompted, “You’re not mad, but is it maybe that your feelings were a little hurt?”
Gabrielle’s eyes darted up, anxiously scanning Chloe’s face. Then she nodded and looked down, as if she were embarrassed by the admission.
Chloe reached out and stroked Gabrielle’s shoulder and arm. “Because he was gone for so long?”
Nodding again, Gabrielle mumbled, “And then he made you leave.”
Chloe actually gasped. “No, pumpkin. He didn’t make me leave. I promise.” When Gabrielle had looked up again and met her eyes, she continued, “He didn’t want me to leave. But I . . . I needed to be with my daddy for a little while. There’s nothing your daddy wants more than to be with me, you, and Anna. That’s the truth, Gabrielle.”
After scanning her face intently, Gabrielle nodded once. Released a little of the tension from the stiff set of her neck and shoulders.
“So can you go say hi to him now?” Chloe asked, unable to keep from looking over toward Lex.
He had stopped approaching them when Anna reached him. And now he was kneeling on the grass with one arm around Anna. But she could tell-even from this distance-that his eyes were focused on them.
He was waiting. Waiting for Gabrielle.
Chloe’s throat started to ache even more, knowing how Lex must be feeling, and she prayed she hadn’t made everything worse by taking this week away from him.
Gabrielle didn’t move.
“Pumpkin,” Chloe murmured, tilting up Gabrielle’s chin. “You know how Daddy hurt your feelings a little and how hard that was for you?” Gabrielle’s eyes were so like Lex’s that Chloe almost choked on the words. “Well, I think you might be hurting Daddy’s feelings a little, by not going to say hi to him.”
Gabrielle made a little noise in her throat and jerked her head to look over at Lex, who was still quietly waiting for her. Her face twisted painfully.
But she still wouldn’t move.
Starting to feel a little desperate-and horribly afraid that she was somehow to blame for this-Chloe gestured down at the dandelion mat. “Why don’t you show Daddy what you did with the dandelions? I’m sure he’ll be very glad to see it.”
Gabrielle’s body twitched, as if she’d been just about to get up. But she couldn't seem to complete the motion.
Studying her daughter’s face closely, Chloe suddenly realized something. Gabrielle wasn’t being angry, or hurt, or stubborn, or willful.
The poor thing was absolutely terrified.
Finally understanding something, Chloe rose to her feet and brushed off her skirt and top. “Did you want me to come with you?” she offered, stretching out her hand. “We can go see Daddy together.”
Gabrielle nodded urgently, took Chloe's hand, and hesitantly climbed to her feet. She pulled down one leg of her khaki shorts, which had gotten hiked up too far. “Okay,” she whispered.
Chloe wanted to snatch her up and cradle her. Wanted to hold her, protect her, and never let go. Their daughter was so much like Lex, and thus there were so many ways for the world to hurt her.
But, after swallowing hard, all Chloe said was, “Don’t forget your dandelions.”
Gabrielle carefully bent over and picked up the tenuously connected mat with both hands. Carried it with intense caution as she and Chloe together walked slowly over to Lex and Anna.
After a brief, hungry glance at Chloe, Lex’s eyes remained on Gabrielle as she approached him. He was still on his knees-Anna clinging to him delightedly-so he was almost on his older daughter’s eye level.
When Gabrielle was facing him, she stopped. Looked up at Chloe as if making sure her mother were still beside her.
Then she stretched out both arms. Offered Lex the mat of dandelions. “I made this for you,” she quavered.
The twisted stems and smashed heads looked even less appealing now, after the journey over here. But Lex accepted the gift with infinite seriousness, holding it as if it were precious. “Thank you,” he murmured, gazing down at her handiwork. “It’s beautiful. Have you been working on it all morning?”
Gabrielle nodded, her expression gradually fading from that heart-wrenching anxiety. “Yes,” she said earnestly. Then, glancing over at her little sister, who was looking at her with trusting affection, Gabrielle added, “Anna helped too.”
Anna seemed to erupt into proud smiles at this high praise from her big sister. Giggling, she leaned against Lex’s shoulder and announced, “I picked all the dandy-lines.”
“You did?” Lex breathed, his eyes widening as he brushed a kiss into her blonde hair. “You did an excellent job. Those are extraordinary dandelions.”
While Anna hugged herself in delight, Lex turned back to Gabrielle. “Thank you,” he said again. “This is one of the nicest gifts I’ve ever gotten.”
Gabrielle’s lovely, childish, utterly solemn face broke into a sudden smile. “You’re welcome.”
Then Lex moved the treasured mat of weeds into one hand and held out his other to his daughter. Gabrielle moved into his arm, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as he gathered her into a one-armed hug.
Anna giggled in pure glee and sighed, “Daddy,” as she tried to enthusiastically hug her father’s back.
Chloe had to turn away so she could wipe at her eyes without anyone seeing.
And she’d thought she wasn’t emotional today.
Several hours later, Chloe was lying by herself on a blanket under a tree, in a secluded spot just out of sight of the house.
The day had gone pretty well, so far. They’d all had a pleasant lunch with Gabe and Stella, and then Chloe had left, to let Lex spend some time with the girls alone. She’d taken a book outside-the same book she’d been trying to read earlier-and had read until she’d dozed off in the warm shade of the quiet afternoon.
When she woke up, she was a little bit stiff, but generally felt relaxed and content. Didn’t feel like moving though, so she just stretched out more comfortably and enjoyed the peaceful interlude by herself.
A few minutes later, she realized she wasn’t by herself.
She felt his presence before she saw him appear, coming from the direction of the house.
“Hey,” she greeted him, smiling drowsily at the sight of his familiar, lean figure and his sleek, handsome head.
“Hi,” Lex replied, stepping over until he was close enough to lower himself onto the blanket beside her. He settled into a sitting position, gazing down at her with watchful, quiet eyes.
Feeling a little self-conscious all of a sudden, she smoothed down her skirt, which had been hiked up to her knees, and said stupidly, “I had a nap.”
The corner of his mouth turned up. “It certainly looks that way.”
His expression was so dry and tender both-the combination somehow utterly natural to Lex-that Chloe couldn’t help but return his smile. “Is that some kind of slam on my hair?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “Certainly not. Your hair is perfect.”
Chloe had to chuckle too, at his barefaced lie, if at nothing else. Her hair, she was sure, was sprawled out messily and unattractively all over the blanket, but she was too lethargic to move yet, even to rescue her appearance. “Where are the girls?”
“They went out to get ice cream with your father.”
“Oh.” Chloe raised her head slightly, starting to worry a little. “Well, you should have gone with them. Did something happen? You came here to see them.”
“They’re fine. Your father just offered to take them out for an hour or two,” Lex said calmly, reaching to pick up one of her hands and holding it almost diffidently. “And the girls aren’t the only ones I came here to see.”
He met her eyes then, and there was something deep and powerful and moving in his gaze-that nameless expression that still, even now, managed to take her breath away.
Swallowing hard, Chloe felt a flood of warmth fill her chest, and she rested her head back on the blanket as she stared up at him. Both of his hands were warm and strong as they held hers. “Lex,” she began softly. Then realized she wasn’t sure what she wanted to say.
A watchful kind of calm had settled over him-so different from his panicked urgency a week ago-and his voice was low and husky as he spoke. “Chloe, how have you been?”
She let out a breath. “I’ve been okay.” At his pointed look, she continued, “Really, I am. It hasn’t been easy-being away from you like this-but I’ve been able to do a lot of thinking and put some things in better perspective.”
Lex’s expression didn’t change, but she sensed that he’d suddenly tightened in palpable tension. “And?” he prompted, his voice barely a breath.
Chloe was about to answer, try to articulate the realizations she’d come to this week, when she suddenly caught a flicker of terror in his eyes, beyond the cool composure. And she realized what he was expecting, or dreading, or praying wasn’t about to happen. “Lex,” she burst out, almost impatiently. “I told you before. I don’t want a divorce.”
The tension deflated in Lex’s body, like a popped balloon, and only then did she realize how truly scared he’d been. Closing his eyes, he murmured, “I know you said that a week ago. But sometimes people change their mind when they have time to think.” He was still holding one of her hands in both of his, and now he started stroking the back of it with his thumb.
Rolling her eyes, Chloe muttered, “Well, I didn’t want a divorce then, and I don’t want one now. For one thing, I don’t give up on things so easily.”
Lex shot her a wry, amused look.
“And for another,” she continued resolutely, “I’m still hopelessly in love with you.” Lex’s face softened then, so much that she almost melted away on the blanket. But she didn’t want him to get the wrong idea, so she made herself add, “We still have a lot to work on, but-if we both commit to it-then I think we can get through this.”
He nodded and looked down at her fingers tangled with his. “I am committed to it, Chloe. Whatever it takes.”
They were silent for a long time, and Chloe began to relax again, lulled by the sound of Lex’s breathing and the comfort of his near presence.
After a while, Lex shifted until he was stretched out beside her on the blanket, lying on his side with his head propped up on his hand. He was still holding his hand with his free one, though. “So what did you figure out this week?” he asked at last.
Chloe took in a slow breath. Turned her head so she could see his face and explained, “Well, I’ve mostly been trying to think about what’s happened to us, to me. And I’ve come to a few conclusions about what I want for myself and what I think we both want from our marriage and family. But that’s about as far as I’ve gotten. I haven’t gotten any clear ideas about how to get there yet.”
“Well,” Lex murmured, smiling at her a little. “Maybe I can help you out with that part. I’m an excellent strategist, you know.”
Chloe huffed out a breath of laughter. “I know,” she admitted. She thought about pursuing this conversation and starting to hash out everything they needed to address. But it had the makings for a long, agonizing conversation, and she wasn’t sure she had the time and energy right now.
It felt too good, at the moment, just lying in the grass on a lazy Saturday afternoon, with Lex beside her, holding her hand.
It felt almost . . . simple. As simple as their lives could ever be.
“How have the girls been?” Lex asked eventually, as if he too wanted to wait for the more complex, intense conversation.
Switching the current of her thoughts, Chloe replied, “I think they’ve been all right. Anna . . . well, you know Anna.” She smiled in fond attachment. “She’s so resilient and sunny-natured. She wants to talk about you a lot, and she’s been clingier than usual, with me and Gabrielle and even with my dad. But, as soon as things settle down again, I think she’ll be fine.”
Lex nodded, his mouth soft and eyes warm as he thought about his younger daughter. But his expression changed when he prompted, “And Gabrielle?”
Chloe hesitated as she tried to articulate her thoughts on Gabrielle.
Tightening his lips, Lex asked, “Did you have to talk her into coming over to greet me this morning and giving me the dandelion . . .” He obviously tried to search for the right word for his gift. Failed, and concluded awkwardly, “. . . thing?”
“No,” Chloe assured him. “The dandelion thing was her own idea. I had no idea she was going to give it to you until she did. It was spontaneous, and sincere, and obviously a sign of how much she loves you.”
Lex nodded, a flicker of relief in his eyes. “But you did have to talk her into greeting me?”
Chloe made a face. Admitted, “Sort of. But it wasn’t because she didn’t want to talk to you. I think she was scared.”
Four little lines appeared between Lex’s brows. “Of what?”
Trying to sort through the situation herself, Chloe explained, “She wouldn’t go to you until I came with her. I think maybe . . . maybe subconsciously . . . she’s scared of having to choose only one of us. She’s old enough to know about divorce, and she has friends whose parents have gone through ugly, messy ones. I don’t know for sure what she thinks is going to happen. You know how private she is, and sometimes it’s so hard for her to share what she’s thinking. But I think maybe she believes she has to take sides between us. And, since you’re the one who’s been gone . . .”
“I’ve become the bad guy,” Lex concluded.
Worried that this possibility would wound Lex bitterly, Chloe hurried on, “But she doesn’t want you to be the bad guy. She adores you. And so she’s torn between what she feels and what she thinks might have to happen.” Sighing, she suggested, “Maybe you can spend some one-on-one time with her in the next week or two. You’ve always been better at getting her to open up than I have, and I think she needs to know that your role in her life hasn’t changed.”
Lex nodded. “I’ll do that. Has she been withdrawing significantly?”
“No,” Chloe assured him. “She’s been acting basically normal, except as regards you. She’s always had the tendency to brood . . .” She paused and gave Lex a teasing look, as if to ask him where their daughter might have gotten that particular characteristic. “But she hasn’t been pulling away from either me or Anna.”
“Good,” Lex murmured, staring down at their still entwined hands. “I’ve been . . . worried about her.”
His voice was mild and matter-of-fact, but the knowledge of how true this probably was-how anxious he must have been about his daughter this week-made Chloe’s heart lurch a little.
She tightened her hand around his in silent response.
They were silent for a little while longer-lying side by side, holding hands-until Chloe met Lex’s eyes again. “How have you been, Lex?”
“I’ve been all right.” When he saw her skeptical look, he raised his eyebrows. “Admittedly, I haven’t been great, but I haven’t fallen apart, if that’s what you were afraid of.”
Honestly, Chloe had been a little afraid of that. More than once, she’d woken up in the middle of the night, blindly terrified about how Lex was doing, about whether he’d fallen into despair by himself.
She knew how deeply he felt things. She knew better than anyone. So she knew how deeply he would have to feel . . . this.
“Good,” she murmured lightly. Turning toward him slightly, she pulled her hand free and gently stroked his cheek in an oddly tentative gesture. Noticed the shadows around his eyes. “Have you been sleeping?”
He narrowed his eyes, although he was leaning a little into her hand. “Enough.”
Feeling another surge of tenderness, she caressed one of his cheekbones with her thumb. “I don’t think you have. Have you been working through the nights?”
Unexpectedly, Lex released a low chuckle. “One would think I would, right? After letting work get in the way of my family. But ironically I haven’t been able to, not at night anyway. I’ve tried, but then I’d always get distracted.”
Chloe’s heart lurched again. Part of her had been hoping that he’d had work to distract him from their absence. But now she had no choice but to visualize him, haunting a lonely, empty penthouse, unable to sleep, unable to work, unable to do anything but be lonely.
“Oh, Lex,” she said hoarsely, her hands sliding around to the back of his neck. “Was it that bad? You weren’t drinking too much, were you?”
Lex curled up his lip. “I told you-I didn’t fall apart. The first night . . . well, I didn’t handle it well. But I’ve been doing all right since.”
He was downplaying his own misery, so she wouldn’t feel bad. But Chloe felt bad anyway. Felt terrible. Felt guilty. And her face must have reflected it.
Lex frowned. “You’re not feeling sorry for me, are you?”
Chloe swallowed and managed to smile. “Certainly not. I wouldn’t dare to do something like that.” She moved her hand back to once again caress his familiar face. “But I can’t help but want to take care of you, Lex.” Sighing, she added, “You look tired.”
“I am tired,” he admitted, reaching up and pulling her hand off his face, but then twining his fingers with hers once again. “But I’m all right.” Shifting the elbow that was supporting his head, he continued, “I know you didn’t leave to prove something to me or to make a point. But I think . . . I think maybe it did help me see something that I had somehow neglected to see before.”
Chloe’s brows lowered as she listened, feeling like this might be important.
Lex hesitated. Looked down at the blanket. Shifted again, self-consciously, proving that what he was trying to say was hard for him to admit. “Those nights I spent this week, alone in our bed, were so much harder than the nights I’ve spent in hotels. I could sense you all around me, and so I could feel your absence even more. It should have felt like home, but it didn't. It felt so . . . empty.” He finally looked up. Met her eyes. “And I realized how you must have felt-all those nights I was gone. It had never occurred to me before. I just always thought of you as safe and happy with the girls. I always thought of you as . . . home. But now I realize that it’s not the same home when one of us isn’t there.”
Chloe’s throat had constricted as she realized what Lex was saying.
On a roll now, Lex went on, his voice unusually thick, “I’m so sorry, Chloe. That I’m only now thinking about how hard it must have been for you. For you and the girls. Not just when I was out of town but when I was in town but not really home. And it’s not just an empty gesture of appeasement when I say I’m not going to let it happen again.”
All of the emotion in Chloe’s chest and belly was flooding up into her throat and her eyes. Unable to speak, she nodded at him, to let him know she’d understood.
“And I know that doesn’t address all of our problems, and there are some unavoidable work issues that we’ll have to try to deal with, but I wanted you to hear this from me now.” He raised his hand then, to brush one of the tears off of the corner of Chloe’s eye.
“Thank you,” she managed to say.
She’d sensed that Lex had been holding back his urge to really touch her during a good part of their conversation. And, now, as if he couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he lifted her hand and pressed a soft kiss into her palm.
She relaxed back on the blanket and gazed up at him. Didn’t pull her hand away.
Lex met her eyes deeply. Kissed her palm again. Then pushed another warm kiss into the heel of her hand. Another on the pulse in her wrist.
And everything felt so warm, and safe, and simple. Like a dream or a story. Like a quiet summer afternoon.
She knew what the smolder in Lex's eyes meant. She knew why his body was starting to tighten almost imperceptibly.
He was moving slowly. Giving her a chance to stop him, to decide what she wanted.
She didn’t need to decide. Things weren’t perfect between them. Weren’t even close to perfect. There was a lot they needed to deal with. A lot of painful, conflicted issues that would take a long time to work through.
But they didn't have to do it all at once. Didn't have to do it all now. He was still her husband. And she loved him. And it had been almost six weeks now since they’d made love.
She didn’t want to wait anymore.
“Chloe,” Lex murmured, his lips trailing deliciously down the sensitive skin on the underside of her forearm. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
“Mmm hmm,” she murmured, shivering in pleasure as he tongued the crease where her arm bent.
“I’ve never stopped loving you. There’s never been anyone but you.” He had to lean over now, as he mouthed his way up to her shoulder. “I haven’t had sex-or wanted to have sex-with another woman since you were six months pregnant with Gabrielle. You know that, don't you?”
Chloe sighed, her hands fluttering up to unconsciously settle on his shoulders. “Yeah. Me either,” she breathed. “I mean another man,” she amended, as she thought about his last words. “Or woman, for that matter.”
Lex chuckled against her throat, and the vibrations sent luscious shudders through her body. “That’s good to know,” he murmured. He’d rolled over until he was halfway on top of her, and his body was tense and hot. But even his intensity seemed to be part of the warm afternoon. “Chloe?” he asked thickly. “Chloe, do want to . . .”
“The girls aren’t here?”
“They’ll be gone for more than an hour,” Lex replied. With an effort, he pulled his mouth off of her skin and held himself above her on straightened arms. “Chloe, are you sure? I know things aren’t right between us yet . . .”
She raised her arms to cup his face. “I know. But we still love each other. Why shouldn’t we make love?”
Lex wasn’t about to object. With a groan, he lowered himself over her again. Kissed her deeply and hungrily. Then began to caress her body, sliding his hands along her sides, hips, and thighs, over the fabric of her clothes. He was kissing her again when one of his hands dipped under her loose top to cup and squeeze the swell of her breast.
She was moaning softly into his mouth, her body responding as it always did to his touch. And her own hands were moving over his shoulders, back, and butt urgently, needing to feel the hard lines of his body beneath her fingers.
There was a noticeable bulge in the front of Lex’s pants, pushing against her hip in a way that made her inner muscles clench, when he asked, “Did you want to go inside or stay here?”
“Here is fine,” she answered, not wanting to move from where she was. On a blanket in the grass, on a beautiful day in August. Spread out beneath her favorite tree, beneath her husband.
Lex’s expression was tight with desire when he pulled up again to stare down at her face. “Are you ready?” he asked hoarsely, pushing up her skirt with one hand so he could feel between her legs.
“Yeah,” she told him, squirming restlessly as he cupped her over her panties, as he must have felt how hot and wet she’d become. “I’m ready.”
She spread her thighs and pulled up her skirt all the way as Lex unfastened his pants and pushed them down his legs. Then he positioned himself between her legs, bringing one of his hands down to his freed cock.
He was poised at her entrance, and she was holding her breath in anticipation when he met her eyes one more time. “Chloe?” he asked, his voice almost gravely.
“Yes, Lex. I want this. Hurry up.” She rocked her hips up, rubbing her arousal against the tip of his erection.
He made a long, guttural sound, holding himself above her with one arm, and then began to guide his cock into her body.
She was surprisingly tight, from going without for so long, so the pressure of his hard length pushing inside her was unusually uncomfortable. At the way her muscles were forced to stretch, painfully resisting the penetration, Chloe raised her upper body up on her elbows in automatic defense and whimpered out a long, “Eh-heyeh.”
Already panting erratically, even though they had barely started, Chloe tried to relax and adjust to the substantial intrusion.
Halfway in, Lex had frozen, his head jerking to the side and his eyes squeezing shut. Now, however, he muttered out, “Oh, fuck,” and then pulled his cock out of her channel all the way.
Chloe let out a huff of surprise as their bodies disconnected. “Lex?” she asked, blinking up at him in surprise. “Why did you pull out? It was a little uncomfortable at first, but it’s not like I’m a trembling virgin. I've had two kids. I’m pretty sure I can handle it.”
Lex chuckled tensely. Still had one hand on his cock and now squeezed the base of it briefly. “I’m sure you can. But I’m not sure I can.” When he’d gotten himself under control enough, he opened his eyes and gave her a dry look. “You’re so much tighter than usual, and it’s been so long. I really don’t want to embarrass myself.”
Chloe’s mouth curled up in a teasing half-smile, although she was feeling quite tender. “All right. Do you have another plan then?”
Lowering himself over her enough to give her a brief, sweet kiss on the mouth, Lex murmured, “Of course, I have a plan.”
Then he reached between her legs with the hand that had been on his cock. Slid one finger inside her, stroking her most intimate flesh.
Chloe was still supporting her upper body on her elbows behind her, so she had a good view of Lex’s ministrations. Sighing in pleasure at his touch, she teased, “That feels very nice, Lex. But it’s not a very flattering assessment of the girth of your cock.”
Lex let out a surprised burst of laughter. But then gave her a very significant, smoldering look. “Just wait,” he said throatily.
Then, as Chloe watched, he joined the one finger with a second, curling them up and rotating them around so he could massage all of her inner walls, the moisture of her arousal making the motion smooth and slippery, and causing a slightly wet sound as he pumped his fingers inside her.
The friction was lovely, and Chloe was gently rocking her hips with the pressure. It wasn’t anything too urgent or overwhelming-just felt like he was stroking the deepest parts of her.
Her lids were getting heavy with pleasure when his slid out his slick fingers and added a third. Pumped them in and out, curling and stretching her within the clasp of her channel.
The tighter feeling heightened the sensations, and Chloe’s breath started to come out in eager little huffs. She bent her legs at the knees and tried to angle her hips so he could get deeper.
“How’s that?” he asked, his hungry eyes devouring her flushed, ardent face.
“Good,” she gasped, as his three fingers slid against the clench of her inner muscles, sending out tingles and jolts of pleasure to build into a deep pressure at her center. “Good, oh, oh, oh, there.” She whimpered as he curled his fingers precisely enough to tap against g-spot. “Fuck, Lex, I want it right there.”
He pushed against the spot a little harder. Bent the arm he was supporting himself on to lower his body over hers even closer. “Did I find something good?”
“Yeah,” Chloe rasped, all of her lethargic pleasure coalescing into a sudden urgent need for release. Her pelvis started to pump up, against the pumps of his fingers, and her head fell back helplessly, as she panted, “Yeah, Lex. There. Right there.”
Since her eyes had fallen closed and she was focused on the slow swelling of an orgasm, she had no warning when Lex added a fourth finger to penetration.
This was much, much tighter. So tight her pleasure was mingled with a significant amount of discomfort. “Ah!” she gasped, her back arching instinctively and her thighs trying to press together around Lex’s arm.
“Too much?” Lex asked.
“Try,” Chloe gasped, blazing hot and urgent and trembling.
Lex pumped his fingers a few times, and-while she could handle it-it just didn’t feel as good. Since he couldn’t comfortably get high enough to find her g-spot.
“Three is better,” she mumbled, opening her eyes to make sure Lex wasn’t disappointed.
He didn’t look disappointed. He looked flushed and tense and aroused and like he wanted to swallow her whole.
But not disappointed.
He returned to pumping three of his fingers into her, curling up and connecting with her g-spot in a tight, delicious pattern.
“Oh, oh, God,” Chloe grunted, feeling the muscles in her belly and thighs tighten as the pressure kept building at her center.
Then suddenly, she wanted his cock. She wanted to feel him inside her. All of him. Wanted both of them to feel this good.
“Lex,” she pleaded, clawing at his shoulders and trying to pull him farther up and over her. When he didn’t move, just kept thrusting into her with his fingers, she tossed her head and rasped, “Lex, want your cock. Inside me. Now.”
He groaned desperately and levered himself up-not even trying to argue at this point. In fact, he was in such a state that she wondered, if she’d have come from his hand, whether he would have come too . . . whether he’d wanted to or not
Pushing her thighs farther apart, he poised his cock at her entrance once more. Then he pushed into the emptiness his fingers had left, and Chloe moaned long and loud at the much more substantial length of his cock. It still felt tighter than he normally felt inside her, but his fingers had stretched her enough that his girth was no longer really uncomfortable.
He pulled back and stroked in, in the long, slow thrusts he always began with. And soon Chloe was grunting out breathless expressions of need and effort again.
The friction from Lex’s long strokes inside her was pleasurable, but the motion wasn’t as precise as his fingers, and Chloe began to squirm in frustration. She moved her arms so she could lie back once more on the blanket, planted her feet on the ground, and tried to raise and angle her hips so he’d come closer to hitting her g-spot.
Despite the hot haze he was in, Lex must have noticed her restless squirming. “Baby,” he grunted. “What is it?”
Chloe made a broken, sobbing noise as she bucked and writhed without success. “It’s good,” she gasped, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “But can you . . . I need . . . right spot.”
Lex reared up immediately, tense, perspiring, and breathing heavily through his nose. Situating himself on his knees, he grabbed her hips and raised them slightly, giving himself more freedom to sustain an effective angle.
He’d been thrusting fairly deep, but now he pulled out some and instead levered his pelvis in short, quick slides, adjusting her body with each thrust until she felt his cock connect to the sensitive spot he’d been massaging with his fingers.
“Yeah,” she cried out, stretching out her back as she felt the tingling spiral out from her center. With fumbling hands, she reached down to bunch up her skirt more to get it out of the way. “Yeah, there, right there.”
Arching his neck in effort, Lex stared down at her twisting body and contorted face. “Chloe,” he said thickly, squeezing the flesh of her hips in his hands as he rocked his hips. “Chloe, baby, can you come?”
“Think so,” she huffed, starting to shamelessly shake her body to get the kind of friction she needed. “Just stay . . . right there.”
He did. He didn’t thrust. Just held his cock in position and kept pushing in tight rhythm against her g-spot. He was coiled so tensely he was shuddering with the pressure, but he managed to hold them in position as the rich pleasure gathered between Chloe’s legs.
“Uh huh, uh huh,” Chloe grunted, faintly realizing she must look desperate and frenzied, as she jiggled and panted in the open air, trying to work herself into release. “Yeah, yeah, uh huh.”
“Chloe,” Lex muttered, his eyes almost agonized as he held onto his control. “Beautiful. Beautiful. Missed you so much.”
Chloe released a few loud sobs-the flooding of her heart mingling with the intense physical sensations-then she cried out a frantic, “Lex! Lex!” Shaking desperately, she felt the pleasure finally erupt inside her, sending out waves and spasms of overwhelming sensation.
She sobbed with her release, convulsing wildly and trying to grab onto the blanket beneath her. Her inner muscles were clenching ruthlessly around Lex’s cock, threatening to push it out altogether.
He kept pushing back against the contractions, letting out a long, guttural groan of effort and frustration.
When Chloe finally started to come down, Lex relaxed his grip on her hips, changed his angle suddenly, and thrust into her more fully.
She cried out at the shift and managed to keep her eyes open, wanting to see him as he came.
His features contorted almost unrecognizably as he gave a few hard, jerky pushes into her tightened channel. “Fuck,” he gasped, twitching his head and freezing momentarily. “Oh, fuck.”
Then he came. And it was hard and intense and Chloe watched as it transformed his face. His whole body pulsed and shook, until she could feel him releasing himself in several short spurts inside her.
“Oh, fuck,” Lex said again, his voice so hoarse it sounded like it hurt. Inhaling desperately, he fell forward, catching himself with his arms before his weight landed on her. Then he lowered himself onto her more gently, his hot, heavy form resting on hers.
Chloe gasped and clung to him. Felt kind of like she might cry.
After a minute, his weight and the sticky results of their coupling began to be less appealing and more uncomfortable. Shifting beneath him, Chloe said gently, “Lex.”
With a groan, he pulled his head out of the space between her head and shoulder. “Am I getting heavy?”
“A little,” she admitted. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he murmured, with effort pulling his damp, softening cock out of her channel and then rolling off of her.
Chloe fumbled around until she’d found a couple of tissues she’d brought with her outside-in case she’d felt the need for a good cry-and handed one of them to Lex. As he wiped off his cock and pulled up and fastened his pants, she did her best to clean up between her legs with the other tissue.
It wasn’t entirely successful, but it would do for now.
When they’d both straightened their clothing, Lex relaxed back on the blanket and pulled Chloe over to nestle against him. Pressing a soft kiss into her hair, he asked diffidently, “So, do you think you might be ready to come home?”
Chloe sucked in a sharp breath, realizing that the warm simplicity of their interlude was over. That-even after making love-she was going to have to hurt him again. “I . . .” she began brokenly. “I . . . don’t know.”
His only reaction was to tense up briefly, but she knew that her answer had wounded and disappointed him.
Stroking his chest with her hand, she twisted so she could peer up at him. “I’m sorry, Lex. This was so . . . wonderful. And I’m really glad we could do it. But you know it can’t really fix things.”
“I know,” he admitted. His face was quiet and watchful again. “But I thought it might be a start.”
“It is,” she agreed hurriedly, pulling up so she could look down at him. “It is. And I’m going to come home really soon. But . . . I want to make good decisions. So I just need to think about it reasonably, and not let your studliness turn me into a big heap of silly mush.”
Lex gave her a half-smile. “All right,” he murmured, stroking her hair back from her damp face. “I understand. I don’t want you to get caught up in feeling and act too quickly either. Take your time.”
She’d known that had been hard for him to say. She knew he wanted nothing more than to snatch her up and carry her home with him. So she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.”
They shared a deep, warm look that Chloe was briefly afraid she might drown in.
To pull herself out of it-being serious about wanting to make good decisions and not let herself be pulled back into a thoughtless acceptance of their old situation-Chloe curled up her lips. “Besides, the girls have been promised a picnic at the lake tomorrow, and they’d never forgive me if I took them home before that occurred.”
Lex smiled back at her. “As it happens, I’ve been invited to that picnic as well.”
Feeling a rising sense of warm anticipation, one that was strangely new, despite the years they’d spent together, Chloe asked, “And were you planning to attend the illustrious picnic?”
His thumb tracing along the swollen line of her bottom lip, Lex replied, “I was. In fact, I thought I might stay in Smallville tonight instead of driving all the way back to Metropolis.” He met her eye with an uncharacteristic hesitance. “I could stay at the mansion if you’d rather I not stay at the house.”
Chloe swallowed hard. Felt a rush of nervousness rise in her throat as she tried to figure out how to respond.
Things had felt so natural and simple just a few minutes ago-when they’d been in each others arms. But, now that that brief interlude was over, all of the complexities of their relationship and history kept forcing their way back into the situation.
It would be nice, if their whole lives could be as simple as their loving each other. It would be nice--like a dream or a story.
But no one’s life was ever that simple.
“Um,” she mumbled, feeling anxious and almost guilty about having to hurt him again. “Um, you can stay at the house-I’m sure the girls would love it-but maybe you could sleep in the den.”
Lex didn’t reply. Just gazed up at her silently.
“I’m so sorry, Lex,” Chloe told him, her voice cracking and her face twisting in regret. “I know it’s not what you want. And I’m sure it sounds like a silly gesture after what we just did. But . . . but as I said before, our problems aren’t just because of you. They’re also because of me, because of what I let myself accept and become. And . . . and I need to know that I’m capable of making wise, mature decisions, and not just dissolving into jello because of some particularly good lovin’.”
She’d been hoping her choice of words would cut the sting of her decision, would cause him to relax into amusement. So she was pleased when his mouth started to twitch.
“All right,” he said at last. “I think I understand. I know we have a lot to work on, so there’s no sense in rushing and potentially making things more complicated later.” He cupped her warm cheek and concluded, “I’ll be happy to sleep in the den.”
Chloe couldn’t help it. She melted into a warm, full smile. “Thank you, Lex. The girls are going to be so excited.” Glancing back toward the direction of the house, she added, “And you can help us make pizza tonight.”
* * *
The next morning, Chloe was awakened from the first good sleep she’d had in weeks by the sound of whispering at her door.
“Mommy’s still sleeping.” That was Anna’s whisper-a kind of lisped stage whisper that was as loud as her regular speaking voice. Chloe would know it anywhere.
Gabrielle replied, her voice actually closer to a real whisper. “Why won’t she ever wake up?”
They must be peeking at their mother through the door. Chloe felt a warm swell of affection for her sweet little girls, despite their being awake at what felt like an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning.
“She sleeps forever,” Anna complained, her childish voice a little louder this time.
“Not forever.” Another murmured voice, this one lower and more mature. Lex. “You’ve only been up for an hour yourself.”
“We’ve been up forever,” Gabrielle objected. “Why doesn’t Mommy wake up?”
Chloe couldn’t help it. She raised her eyelids just enough for her to peek through her lashes and was rewarded by the sight of all three of them huddled in her partially opened door way, staring at her as they not-so-discreetly discussed her sleeping habits.
The sight of her family made her so happy she could barely keep from giggling. But she wanted to see what would happen next, so she continued her pretense of sleep.
“Well,” Lex suggested, a familiar amusement in her voice. “Maybe you should wake her up the way you woke me up this morning.”
“Jump on her?” Anna asked excitedly.
Chloe almost choked at the image of their girls ecstatically jumping on Lex as he slept in the den, waking him up first thing in the morning.
Lex must know by now she was already awake, or he likely wouldn’t have suggested such a sudden, violent end to her slumbers. “Yes,” he agreed. “On the count of three, we should all jump on Mommy.”
The girls giggled elatedly, and they all started to count to three in shaky unison.
Chloe started to prepare herself for what was about to happen.
On three, the girls let out loud squeals and charged the bed, leaping on it-and on Chloe-as enthusiastically as they could.
Chloe played along. Sat up abruptly in bed with a loud cry of surprise, her dramatic response making her daughters scream in delight.
Lex had come over too and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling in a way that made Chloe’s heart melt. He was wearing dark trousers and a white T-shirt. But he must not have showered and dressed yet because his feet were bare, making him look unusually casual and domestic.
“We waked Mommy up! We waked Mommy up!” Anna chanted, bouncing on the bed in pure joy.
Pulling her younger daughter into a quick hug, Chloe murmured, “You certainly did. You might have given me a heart attack.”
Gabrielle’s long red hair was loose and was falling in thick waves down her back and shoulders. She was giggling just as much as Anna was, and now she snuggled up against Chloe. “We’ve been up for ages. But Daddy wouldn’t let us wake you up until now.”
Putting her arm around Gabrielle, Chloe slanted a knowing look over at Lex’s face. “Your daddy is a very wise man.”
“Daddy said he’d make us pancakes!” Anna declared, standing on the bed and wrapping her arms around Lex’s neck from behind.
“Really?” Chloe gasped. “Pancakes? That’s excellent news. I’m hungry.”
“We’re starving,” Anna pronounced, in a resolute tone, as she kept squeezing Lex in a fond backward hug. “Time for pancakes!”
Chloe started to get out of bed and happened to notice Lex watching her. She suddenly began to feel self-conscious, for some reason, and wished she was wearing something more attractive than her old cotton pajama pants and faded tank top. She also wished she hadn’t eaten so much chocolate over the last month, and that she’d tried to work out more.
“Maybe I should get dressed first,” she murmured, glancing down at herself and making a face.
This statement was greeted by such adamant objection from her daughters that Chloe dropped the subject immediately.
They all went into the kitchen in their pajamas, and Lex started to search for the necessary pancake-making ingredients.
Chuckling over how the girls were bombarding their daddy with questions-about everything from why he wasn’t wearing the purple pajamas they’d gotten him last Christmas to why Grandpa’s kitchen had a ceiling fan and theirs didn’t-Chloe forgot all about her appearance and started to simply enjoy herself.
Later that afternoon, she resolved, she would have a talk with Lex. Start to really hash things out and deal with some of their problems, without letting sex, mushy feelings, or the complicated, exhausting nature of the situation distract her from what she knew they needed to address.
But first she was going to listen to her daughters giggle ecstatically at their father’s bland comments and smug expressions.
And she was going to eat some of his pancakes.
“Don’t!” Gabrielle snapped. “You’re messing it up.” Frowning indignantly, she leaned over to protect her precious handiwork from her sister’s messy fingers.
“But I wanna help,” Anna insisted, bending her little legs into an awkward squat, in an attempt to get down far enough to see what Gabrielle was hiding from her.
Gabrielle shook her head. “You don’t know how to do it right. You can pick some more dandelions, if you want to help.” She straightened up again, keeping a wary eye on her little sister. Then started to sort through the piles of bright yellow dandelions that Anna had spent the last fifteen minutes collecting for her.
Chloe and the girls were lying out on a blanket in the wide expanse of grass beside Gabe’s house. Chloe was reading, and the girls had been drawing in new sketch books with colored pencils, which Gabe had bought them yesterday.
But, a half-hour ago, Gabrielle had started idly braiding and weaving together the stems of a few dandelions. Becoming absorbed in this new project, she’d kept it up until she had a nice-sized mat of flowers and stems now. While it wasn’t particularly neat or attractive, it was impressive that she’d somehow been able to weave so many together.
Anna, of course, had been immediately mesmerized. And she’d traipsed around on a fervent quest for as many dandelions as she could find, coming back several times to their blanket with her chubby hands full of the colorful weeds.
At her sister’s suggestion, however, Anna stuck out her chin and sniffed a little. “I don’t wanna pick more. I wanna help Gabby.”
Chloe couldn’t help but smile covertly at Anna’s earnest attempt to participate. Chloe was still pretending to read, but she was keeping her eye on her daughters, in case the little tiff became a full fledged fight.
“I’m doing this one,” Gabrielle proclaimed. “You can do your own if you want.” Picking out several of the dandelions which Anna had torn too close to the head, she added, “Some of these are too short. I need long stems.”
Anna was breathing loudly through her nose as she rifled through the messy heap. Finding a few appropriate specimens and offering them to Gabrielle, she declared victoriously, “These is long stems.”
“These are long stems, honey,” Chloe corrected automatically.
Anna nodded, as if her mother had just proven her point. “These are long stems,” she echoed.
Gabrielle accepted the dandelions with the longer stems and started braiding them into her creation. But she wailed again when Anna reached out for the mat yet again. “Anna, no. You’ll mess it up. Make your own.”
Anna pulled back at this rebuff. Then she sat down on her bottom with a loud huff. She was wearing denim shorts with flower appliqués on one side and a matching pink shirt. Her blonde hair was braided into two short pigtails, to match Gabrielle’s much longer ones, and her cheeks were very rosy, but that must just be from her exertion in picking all the dandelions, since Chloe had put sunblock on all of them before they’d come out to sit in the sun.
Anna grabbed some of the dandelions and started twisting them together determinedly, occasionally glancing over at Gabrielle to see how her sister was managing this difficult procedure. Chloe had a pretty good suspicion about how Anna’s attempt would turn out.
She was right. A few minutes later, Anna whined, “Mommy!” When Chloe glanced up, Anna held up a mess of bent stems and torn dandelion heads. Anna’s mouth was turned down in a pitiful frown. “It's not right.”
Gabrielle snickered and kept working busily on her much more successful mat of dandelions.
“Maybe Gabrielle can help you after she’s done,” Chloe suggested, making sure she didn’t snicker herself at Anna’s amusingly botched attempt. “And maybe you can watch her until then.”
“Gabby help me please?” Anna requested, scooting over so she could get a better look at Gabrielle’s work.
“After I’m done,” Gabrielle told her. Then she turned her body protectively, to block Anna’s view.
Anna tried to peer around Gabrielle’s body, and then tried to peek over her shoulder. But when neither of these efforts was successful, she turned back to Chloe beseechingly. “Mommy!”
Chloe cleared her throat. Said pointedly, “I’m sure-since you worked so hard to pick all those dandelions for Gabrielle, she’ll at least let you watch.”
With a long sigh, Gabrielle straightened up again. Held out the dandelion mat so Anna could see. “You can watch,” she allowed, perking up when Chloe smiled at her appreciatively. “But we have to be very, very careful or it will fall apart.”
Anna nodded soberly, her blue-gray eyes wide and round. Very carefully, she reached down to pick up a dandelion. “This one is good?” she whispered, handing it cautiously to Gabrielle, as if the slightest move might trigger a spontaneous explosion of the admired mat.
Gabrielle nodded and took the proffered weed. “That one is good,” she affirmed, starting to weave it in with the others.
Chloe stifled a giggle and relaxed again, glad that the storm had been averted. They usually played together quite well, but an occasional fight, some minor, some traumatic, was unavoidable.
It was mid-morning on Saturday, and Lex was supposed to arrive around lunch time to spend the afternoon with the girls. The week hadn’t been as bad for the girls as Chloe had feared it would be. They were excited about visiting their grandfather, and so they hadn’t seemed too upset or worried about their altered situation. And Lex had come out on Wednesday evening, which both Anna and Gabrielle had gushed about all day Thursday.
Chloe had taken some time for herself on Wednesday so she hadn’t been around for Lex’s visit. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to see him, but she just felt a little . . . awkward about the whole situation, and it had been easier for her not to be there when he arrived.
Chloe thought the week had, as a whole, been good for her. She’d been able to mostly relax-which she hadn’t done in a really long time-and think through a lot of the issues that were troubling her, without the stress of really dealing with everything yet. She knew she’d need to deal with it-deal with Lex-soon, and she wanted to deal with everything. But she thought this brief break had somehow helped prepare her for it.
Things had built up to such an extent over the last year that Chloe had found herself subconsciously panicking at the thought of having to fix things. She hadn’t been able to even imagine what she needed to do to start to improve things, much less know how she was supposed to begin. But the slight distance had given her better perspective, and she had a clearer sense about how she and Lex might start to tackle things. So for the first time in a long time, she felt slightly encouraged about there being a way out of this rut.
It wasn't going to be easy, but she could at least see that it was possible.
She hadn’t been really happy this week, but she'd been reflective and quiet and emotional. Ridiculously emotional, really. She'd been crying at the drop of a hat. Not just out of fear or loneliness, but also because of silly things--like watching her father play with her squealing daughters, pretending he was a horse.
Today, however, she was feeling pretty good. Composed and calm and not emotional at all. Which was good, since she wasn’t planning to avoid Lex this afternoon. Yes, she was going to give him some alone time with the girls, but she didn’t want him to think she was hiding from him.
In fact, if she admitted the truth, she was actually looking forward to seeing him.
She’d missed him a lot this week. She'd missed him a lot for the last few months.
Chloe tried to concentrate on reading her book, since there were still a couple more hours before Lex would arrive. Glancing over to make sure her daughters were still behaving, she arranged her long skirt around her bare legs. She was wearing a loose sleeveless top and a cotton skirt. Not her normal style, but it was cool and comfortable for the hot day, the flowing lines deemphasized the fuller curves from the pounds she’d put on over the last month, and the outfit made her feel kind of old-fashioned and feminine.
It seemed silly to want to look pretty for Lex today-he was her husband of four years and there were so many issues between them-but she did. She wanted to look pretty. So she’d put on the casual skirt and flattering top this morning, instead of the old capri’s she’d been about to wear.
And then she’d actually preened when Anna declared that Mommy looked like a princess.
“Daddy’s here?” Anna asked, out of the blue.
Chloe glanced over at her daughter and shook her head. “Daddy’s not going to be here for a couple more hours.”
But Anna wasn’t looking at her. She was staring across the distance toward the house. “Daddy!” Anna burst out, this time jumping to her feet.
Chloe looked over to see what her daughter had noticed, and then felt her own heart leap into her throat.
It was Lex. His lean posture and bald head were impossible to mistake, even from this far away. He must have seen them because he was facing in their direction, and-as Chloe watched-he took a few steps toward them.
“Daddy!” Anna cried again, her little face beaming with excitement. She started running toward her father, but then jerked to stop and looked back questioningly at Chloe.
Chloe felt a strange ache in her throat at this hesitance, but she smiled and nodded. Urged Anna, “Of course. Go give your daddy a hug hello.”
Anna giggled and started running across the grass-which she’d previously cleared of dandelions-as fast as her little legs could carry her.
Chloe was feeling an inexplicable combination of pleasure, excitement, bone-deep anxiety, and a poignant kind of tension. She couldn’t remember ever feeling exactly like this before. The closest she could come was when she’d first found out she was pregnant with Gabrielle and decided she was keeping the baby.
At this thought, she managed to look away from Lex’s approaching figure and toward her older daughter, who hadn’t moved from the blanket on which she was sitting cross-legged.
“Gabrielle?” Chloe asked softly. “Don’t you want to go say hi to your daddy too?”
Gabrielle had been staring urgently at Lex, who just then was scooping up Anna and whirling her around in a hug that made the girl squeal. But at Chloe’s question, Gabrielle looked back down at her dandelion mat. Shook her head mutely.
Chloe’s own emotional response shifted into a deep surge of concern. “Why not, pumpkin? I thought you were looking forward to his visit?’
Gabrielle couldn’t seem to speak. Just stared down and shook her head again.
Adjusting herself until she was stretched out directly in front of the little girl, Chloe persisted gently, “Are you still a little mad at Daddy?”
Another shake of the glowing, pigtailed head.
Chloe let out a breath, glad of this at least. A lasting grudge would have been a significant worry. Thinking quickly, she prompted, “You’re not mad, but is it maybe that your feelings were a little hurt?”
Gabrielle’s eyes darted up, anxiously scanning Chloe’s face. Then she nodded and looked down, as if she were embarrassed by the admission.
Chloe reached out and stroked Gabrielle’s shoulder and arm. “Because he was gone for so long?”
Nodding again, Gabrielle mumbled, “And then he made you leave.”
Chloe actually gasped. “No, pumpkin. He didn’t make me leave. I promise.” When Gabrielle had looked up again and met her eyes, she continued, “He didn’t want me to leave. But I . . . I needed to be with my daddy for a little while. There’s nothing your daddy wants more than to be with me, you, and Anna. That’s the truth, Gabrielle.”
After scanning her face intently, Gabrielle nodded once. Released a little of the tension from the stiff set of her neck and shoulders.
“So can you go say hi to him now?” Chloe asked, unable to keep from looking over toward Lex.
He had stopped approaching them when Anna reached him. And now he was kneeling on the grass with one arm around Anna. But she could tell-even from this distance-that his eyes were focused on them.
He was waiting. Waiting for Gabrielle.
Chloe’s throat started to ache even more, knowing how Lex must be feeling, and she prayed she hadn’t made everything worse by taking this week away from him.
Gabrielle didn’t move.
“Pumpkin,” Chloe murmured, tilting up Gabrielle’s chin. “You know how Daddy hurt your feelings a little and how hard that was for you?” Gabrielle’s eyes were so like Lex’s that Chloe almost choked on the words. “Well, I think you might be hurting Daddy’s feelings a little, by not going to say hi to him.”
Gabrielle made a little noise in her throat and jerked her head to look over at Lex, who was still quietly waiting for her. Her face twisted painfully.
But she still wouldn’t move.
Starting to feel a little desperate-and horribly afraid that she was somehow to blame for this-Chloe gestured down at the dandelion mat. “Why don’t you show Daddy what you did with the dandelions? I’m sure he’ll be very glad to see it.”
Gabrielle’s body twitched, as if she’d been just about to get up. But she couldn't seem to complete the motion.
Studying her daughter’s face closely, Chloe suddenly realized something. Gabrielle wasn’t being angry, or hurt, or stubborn, or willful.
The poor thing was absolutely terrified.
Finally understanding something, Chloe rose to her feet and brushed off her skirt and top. “Did you want me to come with you?” she offered, stretching out her hand. “We can go see Daddy together.”
Gabrielle nodded urgently, took Chloe's hand, and hesitantly climbed to her feet. She pulled down one leg of her khaki shorts, which had gotten hiked up too far. “Okay,” she whispered.
Chloe wanted to snatch her up and cradle her. Wanted to hold her, protect her, and never let go. Their daughter was so much like Lex, and thus there were so many ways for the world to hurt her.
But, after swallowing hard, all Chloe said was, “Don’t forget your dandelions.”
Gabrielle carefully bent over and picked up the tenuously connected mat with both hands. Carried it with intense caution as she and Chloe together walked slowly over to Lex and Anna.
After a brief, hungry glance at Chloe, Lex’s eyes remained on Gabrielle as she approached him. He was still on his knees-Anna clinging to him delightedly-so he was almost on his older daughter’s eye level.
When Gabrielle was facing him, she stopped. Looked up at Chloe as if making sure her mother were still beside her.
Then she stretched out both arms. Offered Lex the mat of dandelions. “I made this for you,” she quavered.
The twisted stems and smashed heads looked even less appealing now, after the journey over here. But Lex accepted the gift with infinite seriousness, holding it as if it were precious. “Thank you,” he murmured, gazing down at her handiwork. “It’s beautiful. Have you been working on it all morning?”
Gabrielle nodded, her expression gradually fading from that heart-wrenching anxiety. “Yes,” she said earnestly. Then, glancing over at her little sister, who was looking at her with trusting affection, Gabrielle added, “Anna helped too.”
Anna seemed to erupt into proud smiles at this high praise from her big sister. Giggling, she leaned against Lex’s shoulder and announced, “I picked all the dandy-lines.”
“You did?” Lex breathed, his eyes widening as he brushed a kiss into her blonde hair. “You did an excellent job. Those are extraordinary dandelions.”
While Anna hugged herself in delight, Lex turned back to Gabrielle. “Thank you,” he said again. “This is one of the nicest gifts I’ve ever gotten.”
Gabrielle’s lovely, childish, utterly solemn face broke into a sudden smile. “You’re welcome.”
Then Lex moved the treasured mat of weeds into one hand and held out his other to his daughter. Gabrielle moved into his arm, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck as he gathered her into a one-armed hug.
Anna giggled in pure glee and sighed, “Daddy,” as she tried to enthusiastically hug her father’s back.
Chloe had to turn away so she could wipe at her eyes without anyone seeing.
And she’d thought she wasn’t emotional today.
Several hours later, Chloe was lying by herself on a blanket under a tree, in a secluded spot just out of sight of the house.
The day had gone pretty well, so far. They’d all had a pleasant lunch with Gabe and Stella, and then Chloe had left, to let Lex spend some time with the girls alone. She’d taken a book outside-the same book she’d been trying to read earlier-and had read until she’d dozed off in the warm shade of the quiet afternoon.
When she woke up, she was a little bit stiff, but generally felt relaxed and content. Didn’t feel like moving though, so she just stretched out more comfortably and enjoyed the peaceful interlude by herself.
A few minutes later, she realized she wasn’t by herself.
She felt his presence before she saw him appear, coming from the direction of the house.
“Hey,” she greeted him, smiling drowsily at the sight of his familiar, lean figure and his sleek, handsome head.
“Hi,” Lex replied, stepping over until he was close enough to lower himself onto the blanket beside her. He settled into a sitting position, gazing down at her with watchful, quiet eyes.
Feeling a little self-conscious all of a sudden, she smoothed down her skirt, which had been hiked up to her knees, and said stupidly, “I had a nap.”
The corner of his mouth turned up. “It certainly looks that way.”
His expression was so dry and tender both-the combination somehow utterly natural to Lex-that Chloe couldn’t help but return his smile. “Is that some kind of slam on my hair?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “Certainly not. Your hair is perfect.”
Chloe had to chuckle too, at his barefaced lie, if at nothing else. Her hair, she was sure, was sprawled out messily and unattractively all over the blanket, but she was too lethargic to move yet, even to rescue her appearance. “Where are the girls?”
“They went out to get ice cream with your father.”
“Oh.” Chloe raised her head slightly, starting to worry a little. “Well, you should have gone with them. Did something happen? You came here to see them.”
“They’re fine. Your father just offered to take them out for an hour or two,” Lex said calmly, reaching to pick up one of her hands and holding it almost diffidently. “And the girls aren’t the only ones I came here to see.”
He met her eyes then, and there was something deep and powerful and moving in his gaze-that nameless expression that still, even now, managed to take her breath away.
Swallowing hard, Chloe felt a flood of warmth fill her chest, and she rested her head back on the blanket as she stared up at him. Both of his hands were warm and strong as they held hers. “Lex,” she began softly. Then realized she wasn’t sure what she wanted to say.
A watchful kind of calm had settled over him-so different from his panicked urgency a week ago-and his voice was low and husky as he spoke. “Chloe, how have you been?”
She let out a breath. “I’ve been okay.” At his pointed look, she continued, “Really, I am. It hasn’t been easy-being away from you like this-but I’ve been able to do a lot of thinking and put some things in better perspective.”
Lex’s expression didn’t change, but she sensed that he’d suddenly tightened in palpable tension. “And?” he prompted, his voice barely a breath.
Chloe was about to answer, try to articulate the realizations she’d come to this week, when she suddenly caught a flicker of terror in his eyes, beyond the cool composure. And she realized what he was expecting, or dreading, or praying wasn’t about to happen. “Lex,” she burst out, almost impatiently. “I told you before. I don’t want a divorce.”
The tension deflated in Lex’s body, like a popped balloon, and only then did she realize how truly scared he’d been. Closing his eyes, he murmured, “I know you said that a week ago. But sometimes people change their mind when they have time to think.” He was still holding one of her hands in both of his, and now he started stroking the back of it with his thumb.
Rolling her eyes, Chloe muttered, “Well, I didn’t want a divorce then, and I don’t want one now. For one thing, I don’t give up on things so easily.”
Lex shot her a wry, amused look.
“And for another,” she continued resolutely, “I’m still hopelessly in love with you.” Lex’s face softened then, so much that she almost melted away on the blanket. But she didn’t want him to get the wrong idea, so she made herself add, “We still have a lot to work on, but-if we both commit to it-then I think we can get through this.”
He nodded and looked down at her fingers tangled with his. “I am committed to it, Chloe. Whatever it takes.”
They were silent for a long time, and Chloe began to relax again, lulled by the sound of Lex’s breathing and the comfort of his near presence.
After a while, Lex shifted until he was stretched out beside her on the blanket, lying on his side with his head propped up on his hand. He was still holding his hand with his free one, though. “So what did you figure out this week?” he asked at last.
Chloe took in a slow breath. Turned her head so she could see his face and explained, “Well, I’ve mostly been trying to think about what’s happened to us, to me. And I’ve come to a few conclusions about what I want for myself and what I think we both want from our marriage and family. But that’s about as far as I’ve gotten. I haven’t gotten any clear ideas about how to get there yet.”
“Well,” Lex murmured, smiling at her a little. “Maybe I can help you out with that part. I’m an excellent strategist, you know.”
Chloe huffed out a breath of laughter. “I know,” she admitted. She thought about pursuing this conversation and starting to hash out everything they needed to address. But it had the makings for a long, agonizing conversation, and she wasn’t sure she had the time and energy right now.
It felt too good, at the moment, just lying in the grass on a lazy Saturday afternoon, with Lex beside her, holding her hand.
It felt almost . . . simple. As simple as their lives could ever be.
“How have the girls been?” Lex asked eventually, as if he too wanted to wait for the more complex, intense conversation.
Switching the current of her thoughts, Chloe replied, “I think they’ve been all right. Anna . . . well, you know Anna.” She smiled in fond attachment. “She’s so resilient and sunny-natured. She wants to talk about you a lot, and she’s been clingier than usual, with me and Gabrielle and even with my dad. But, as soon as things settle down again, I think she’ll be fine.”
Lex nodded, his mouth soft and eyes warm as he thought about his younger daughter. But his expression changed when he prompted, “And Gabrielle?”
Chloe hesitated as she tried to articulate her thoughts on Gabrielle.
Tightening his lips, Lex asked, “Did you have to talk her into coming over to greet me this morning and giving me the dandelion . . .” He obviously tried to search for the right word for his gift. Failed, and concluded awkwardly, “. . . thing?”
“No,” Chloe assured him. “The dandelion thing was her own idea. I had no idea she was going to give it to you until she did. It was spontaneous, and sincere, and obviously a sign of how much she loves you.”
Lex nodded, a flicker of relief in his eyes. “But you did have to talk her into greeting me?”
Chloe made a face. Admitted, “Sort of. But it wasn’t because she didn’t want to talk to you. I think she was scared.”
Four little lines appeared between Lex’s brows. “Of what?”
Trying to sort through the situation herself, Chloe explained, “She wouldn’t go to you until I came with her. I think maybe . . . maybe subconsciously . . . she’s scared of having to choose only one of us. She’s old enough to know about divorce, and she has friends whose parents have gone through ugly, messy ones. I don’t know for sure what she thinks is going to happen. You know how private she is, and sometimes it’s so hard for her to share what she’s thinking. But I think maybe she believes she has to take sides between us. And, since you’re the one who’s been gone . . .”
“I’ve become the bad guy,” Lex concluded.
Worried that this possibility would wound Lex bitterly, Chloe hurried on, “But she doesn’t want you to be the bad guy. She adores you. And so she’s torn between what she feels and what she thinks might have to happen.” Sighing, she suggested, “Maybe you can spend some one-on-one time with her in the next week or two. You’ve always been better at getting her to open up than I have, and I think she needs to know that your role in her life hasn’t changed.”
Lex nodded. “I’ll do that. Has she been withdrawing significantly?”
“No,” Chloe assured him. “She’s been acting basically normal, except as regards you. She’s always had the tendency to brood . . .” She paused and gave Lex a teasing look, as if to ask him where their daughter might have gotten that particular characteristic. “But she hasn’t been pulling away from either me or Anna.”
“Good,” Lex murmured, staring down at their still entwined hands. “I’ve been . . . worried about her.”
His voice was mild and matter-of-fact, but the knowledge of how true this probably was-how anxious he must have been about his daughter this week-made Chloe’s heart lurch a little.
She tightened her hand around his in silent response.
They were silent for a little while longer-lying side by side, holding hands-until Chloe met Lex’s eyes again. “How have you been, Lex?”
“I’ve been all right.” When he saw her skeptical look, he raised his eyebrows. “Admittedly, I haven’t been great, but I haven’t fallen apart, if that’s what you were afraid of.”
Honestly, Chloe had been a little afraid of that. More than once, she’d woken up in the middle of the night, blindly terrified about how Lex was doing, about whether he’d fallen into despair by himself.
She knew how deeply he felt things. She knew better than anyone. So she knew how deeply he would have to feel . . . this.
“Good,” she murmured lightly. Turning toward him slightly, she pulled her hand free and gently stroked his cheek in an oddly tentative gesture. Noticed the shadows around his eyes. “Have you been sleeping?”
He narrowed his eyes, although he was leaning a little into her hand. “Enough.”
Feeling another surge of tenderness, she caressed one of his cheekbones with her thumb. “I don’t think you have. Have you been working through the nights?”
Unexpectedly, Lex released a low chuckle. “One would think I would, right? After letting work get in the way of my family. But ironically I haven’t been able to, not at night anyway. I’ve tried, but then I’d always get distracted.”
Chloe’s heart lurched again. Part of her had been hoping that he’d had work to distract him from their absence. But now she had no choice but to visualize him, haunting a lonely, empty penthouse, unable to sleep, unable to work, unable to do anything but be lonely.
“Oh, Lex,” she said hoarsely, her hands sliding around to the back of his neck. “Was it that bad? You weren’t drinking too much, were you?”
Lex curled up his lip. “I told you-I didn’t fall apart. The first night . . . well, I didn’t handle it well. But I’ve been doing all right since.”
He was downplaying his own misery, so she wouldn’t feel bad. But Chloe felt bad anyway. Felt terrible. Felt guilty. And her face must have reflected it.
Lex frowned. “You’re not feeling sorry for me, are you?”
Chloe swallowed and managed to smile. “Certainly not. I wouldn’t dare to do something like that.” She moved her hand back to once again caress his familiar face. “But I can’t help but want to take care of you, Lex.” Sighing, she added, “You look tired.”
“I am tired,” he admitted, reaching up and pulling her hand off his face, but then twining his fingers with hers once again. “But I’m all right.” Shifting the elbow that was supporting his head, he continued, “I know you didn’t leave to prove something to me or to make a point. But I think . . . I think maybe it did help me see something that I had somehow neglected to see before.”
Chloe’s brows lowered as she listened, feeling like this might be important.
Lex hesitated. Looked down at the blanket. Shifted again, self-consciously, proving that what he was trying to say was hard for him to admit. “Those nights I spent this week, alone in our bed, were so much harder than the nights I’ve spent in hotels. I could sense you all around me, and so I could feel your absence even more. It should have felt like home, but it didn't. It felt so . . . empty.” He finally looked up. Met her eyes. “And I realized how you must have felt-all those nights I was gone. It had never occurred to me before. I just always thought of you as safe and happy with the girls. I always thought of you as . . . home. But now I realize that it’s not the same home when one of us isn’t there.”
Chloe’s throat had constricted as she realized what Lex was saying.
On a roll now, Lex went on, his voice unusually thick, “I’m so sorry, Chloe. That I’m only now thinking about how hard it must have been for you. For you and the girls. Not just when I was out of town but when I was in town but not really home. And it’s not just an empty gesture of appeasement when I say I’m not going to let it happen again.”
All of the emotion in Chloe’s chest and belly was flooding up into her throat and her eyes. Unable to speak, she nodded at him, to let him know she’d understood.
“And I know that doesn’t address all of our problems, and there are some unavoidable work issues that we’ll have to try to deal with, but I wanted you to hear this from me now.” He raised his hand then, to brush one of the tears off of the corner of Chloe’s eye.
“Thank you,” she managed to say.
She’d sensed that Lex had been holding back his urge to really touch her during a good part of their conversation. And, now, as if he couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he lifted her hand and pressed a soft kiss into her palm.
She relaxed back on the blanket and gazed up at him. Didn’t pull her hand away.
Lex met her eyes deeply. Kissed her palm again. Then pushed another warm kiss into the heel of her hand. Another on the pulse in her wrist.
And everything felt so warm, and safe, and simple. Like a dream or a story. Like a quiet summer afternoon.
She knew what the smolder in Lex's eyes meant. She knew why his body was starting to tighten almost imperceptibly.
He was moving slowly. Giving her a chance to stop him, to decide what she wanted.
She didn’t need to decide. Things weren’t perfect between them. Weren’t even close to perfect. There was a lot they needed to deal with. A lot of painful, conflicted issues that would take a long time to work through.
But they didn't have to do it all at once. Didn't have to do it all now. He was still her husband. And she loved him. And it had been almost six weeks now since they’d made love.
She didn’t want to wait anymore.
“Chloe,” Lex murmured, his lips trailing deliciously down the sensitive skin on the underside of her forearm. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
“Mmm hmm,” she murmured, shivering in pleasure as he tongued the crease where her arm bent.
“I’ve never stopped loving you. There’s never been anyone but you.” He had to lean over now, as he mouthed his way up to her shoulder. “I haven’t had sex-or wanted to have sex-with another woman since you were six months pregnant with Gabrielle. You know that, don't you?”
Chloe sighed, her hands fluttering up to unconsciously settle on his shoulders. “Yeah. Me either,” she breathed. “I mean another man,” she amended, as she thought about his last words. “Or woman, for that matter.”
Lex chuckled against her throat, and the vibrations sent luscious shudders through her body. “That’s good to know,” he murmured. He’d rolled over until he was halfway on top of her, and his body was tense and hot. But even his intensity seemed to be part of the warm afternoon. “Chloe?” he asked thickly. “Chloe, do want to . . .”
“The girls aren’t here?”
“They’ll be gone for more than an hour,” Lex replied. With an effort, he pulled his mouth off of her skin and held himself above her on straightened arms. “Chloe, are you sure? I know things aren’t right between us yet . . .”
She raised her arms to cup his face. “I know. But we still love each other. Why shouldn’t we make love?”
Lex wasn’t about to object. With a groan, he lowered himself over her again. Kissed her deeply and hungrily. Then began to caress her body, sliding his hands along her sides, hips, and thighs, over the fabric of her clothes. He was kissing her again when one of his hands dipped under her loose top to cup and squeeze the swell of her breast.
She was moaning softly into his mouth, her body responding as it always did to his touch. And her own hands were moving over his shoulders, back, and butt urgently, needing to feel the hard lines of his body beneath her fingers.
There was a noticeable bulge in the front of Lex’s pants, pushing against her hip in a way that made her inner muscles clench, when he asked, “Did you want to go inside or stay here?”
“Here is fine,” she answered, not wanting to move from where she was. On a blanket in the grass, on a beautiful day in August. Spread out beneath her favorite tree, beneath her husband.
Lex’s expression was tight with desire when he pulled up again to stare down at her face. “Are you ready?” he asked hoarsely, pushing up her skirt with one hand so he could feel between her legs.
“Yeah,” she told him, squirming restlessly as he cupped her over her panties, as he must have felt how hot and wet she’d become. “I’m ready.”
She spread her thighs and pulled up her skirt all the way as Lex unfastened his pants and pushed them down his legs. Then he positioned himself between her legs, bringing one of his hands down to his freed cock.
He was poised at her entrance, and she was holding her breath in anticipation when he met her eyes one more time. “Chloe?” he asked, his voice almost gravely.
“Yes, Lex. I want this. Hurry up.” She rocked her hips up, rubbing her arousal against the tip of his erection.
He made a long, guttural sound, holding himself above her with one arm, and then began to guide his cock into her body.
She was surprisingly tight, from going without for so long, so the pressure of his hard length pushing inside her was unusually uncomfortable. At the way her muscles were forced to stretch, painfully resisting the penetration, Chloe raised her upper body up on her elbows in automatic defense and whimpered out a long, “Eh-heyeh.”
Already panting erratically, even though they had barely started, Chloe tried to relax and adjust to the substantial intrusion.
Halfway in, Lex had frozen, his head jerking to the side and his eyes squeezing shut. Now, however, he muttered out, “Oh, fuck,” and then pulled his cock out of her channel all the way.
Chloe let out a huff of surprise as their bodies disconnected. “Lex?” she asked, blinking up at him in surprise. “Why did you pull out? It was a little uncomfortable at first, but it’s not like I’m a trembling virgin. I've had two kids. I’m pretty sure I can handle it.”
Lex chuckled tensely. Still had one hand on his cock and now squeezed the base of it briefly. “I’m sure you can. But I’m not sure I can.” When he’d gotten himself under control enough, he opened his eyes and gave her a dry look. “You’re so much tighter than usual, and it’s been so long. I really don’t want to embarrass myself.”
Chloe’s mouth curled up in a teasing half-smile, although she was feeling quite tender. “All right. Do you have another plan then?”
Lowering himself over her enough to give her a brief, sweet kiss on the mouth, Lex murmured, “Of course, I have a plan.”
Then he reached between her legs with the hand that had been on his cock. Slid one finger inside her, stroking her most intimate flesh.
Chloe was still supporting her upper body on her elbows behind her, so she had a good view of Lex’s ministrations. Sighing in pleasure at his touch, she teased, “That feels very nice, Lex. But it’s not a very flattering assessment of the girth of your cock.”
Lex let out a surprised burst of laughter. But then gave her a very significant, smoldering look. “Just wait,” he said throatily.
Then, as Chloe watched, he joined the one finger with a second, curling them up and rotating them around so he could massage all of her inner walls, the moisture of her arousal making the motion smooth and slippery, and causing a slightly wet sound as he pumped his fingers inside her.
The friction was lovely, and Chloe was gently rocking her hips with the pressure. It wasn’t anything too urgent or overwhelming-just felt like he was stroking the deepest parts of her.
Her lids were getting heavy with pleasure when his slid out his slick fingers and added a third. Pumped them in and out, curling and stretching her within the clasp of her channel.
The tighter feeling heightened the sensations, and Chloe’s breath started to come out in eager little huffs. She bent her legs at the knees and tried to angle her hips so he could get deeper.
“How’s that?” he asked, his hungry eyes devouring her flushed, ardent face.
“Good,” she gasped, as his three fingers slid against the clench of her inner muscles, sending out tingles and jolts of pleasure to build into a deep pressure at her center. “Good, oh, oh, oh, there.” She whimpered as he curled his fingers precisely enough to tap against g-spot. “Fuck, Lex, I want it right there.”
He pushed against the spot a little harder. Bent the arm he was supporting himself on to lower his body over hers even closer. “Did I find something good?”
“Yeah,” Chloe rasped, all of her lethargic pleasure coalescing into a sudden urgent need for release. Her pelvis started to pump up, against the pumps of his fingers, and her head fell back helplessly, as she panted, “Yeah, Lex. There. Right there.”
Since her eyes had fallen closed and she was focused on the slow swelling of an orgasm, she had no warning when Lex added a fourth finger to penetration.
This was much, much tighter. So tight her pleasure was mingled with a significant amount of discomfort. “Ah!” she gasped, her back arching instinctively and her thighs trying to press together around Lex’s arm.
“Too much?” Lex asked.
“Try,” Chloe gasped, blazing hot and urgent and trembling.
Lex pumped his fingers a few times, and-while she could handle it-it just didn’t feel as good. Since he couldn’t comfortably get high enough to find her g-spot.
“Three is better,” she mumbled, opening her eyes to make sure Lex wasn’t disappointed.
He didn’t look disappointed. He looked flushed and tense and aroused and like he wanted to swallow her whole.
But not disappointed.
He returned to pumping three of his fingers into her, curling up and connecting with her g-spot in a tight, delicious pattern.
“Oh, oh, God,” Chloe grunted, feeling the muscles in her belly and thighs tighten as the pressure kept building at her center.
Then suddenly, she wanted his cock. She wanted to feel him inside her. All of him. Wanted both of them to feel this good.
“Lex,” she pleaded, clawing at his shoulders and trying to pull him farther up and over her. When he didn’t move, just kept thrusting into her with his fingers, she tossed her head and rasped, “Lex, want your cock. Inside me. Now.”
He groaned desperately and levered himself up-not even trying to argue at this point. In fact, he was in such a state that she wondered, if she’d have come from his hand, whether he would have come too . . . whether he’d wanted to or not
Pushing her thighs farther apart, he poised his cock at her entrance once more. Then he pushed into the emptiness his fingers had left, and Chloe moaned long and loud at the much more substantial length of his cock. It still felt tighter than he normally felt inside her, but his fingers had stretched her enough that his girth was no longer really uncomfortable.
He pulled back and stroked in, in the long, slow thrusts he always began with. And soon Chloe was grunting out breathless expressions of need and effort again.
The friction from Lex’s long strokes inside her was pleasurable, but the motion wasn’t as precise as his fingers, and Chloe began to squirm in frustration. She moved her arms so she could lie back once more on the blanket, planted her feet on the ground, and tried to raise and angle her hips so he’d come closer to hitting her g-spot.
Despite the hot haze he was in, Lex must have noticed her restless squirming. “Baby,” he grunted. “What is it?”
Chloe made a broken, sobbing noise as she bucked and writhed without success. “It’s good,” she gasped, not wanting to hurt his feelings. “But can you . . . I need . . . right spot.”
Lex reared up immediately, tense, perspiring, and breathing heavily through his nose. Situating himself on his knees, he grabbed her hips and raised them slightly, giving himself more freedom to sustain an effective angle.
He’d been thrusting fairly deep, but now he pulled out some and instead levered his pelvis in short, quick slides, adjusting her body with each thrust until she felt his cock connect to the sensitive spot he’d been massaging with his fingers.
“Yeah,” she cried out, stretching out her back as she felt the tingling spiral out from her center. With fumbling hands, she reached down to bunch up her skirt more to get it out of the way. “Yeah, there, right there.”
Arching his neck in effort, Lex stared down at her twisting body and contorted face. “Chloe,” he said thickly, squeezing the flesh of her hips in his hands as he rocked his hips. “Chloe, baby, can you come?”
“Think so,” she huffed, starting to shamelessly shake her body to get the kind of friction she needed. “Just stay . . . right there.”
He did. He didn’t thrust. Just held his cock in position and kept pushing in tight rhythm against her g-spot. He was coiled so tensely he was shuddering with the pressure, but he managed to hold them in position as the rich pleasure gathered between Chloe’s legs.
“Uh huh, uh huh,” Chloe grunted, faintly realizing she must look desperate and frenzied, as she jiggled and panted in the open air, trying to work herself into release. “Yeah, yeah, uh huh.”
“Chloe,” Lex muttered, his eyes almost agonized as he held onto his control. “Beautiful. Beautiful. Missed you so much.”
Chloe released a few loud sobs-the flooding of her heart mingling with the intense physical sensations-then she cried out a frantic, “Lex! Lex!” Shaking desperately, she felt the pleasure finally erupt inside her, sending out waves and spasms of overwhelming sensation.
She sobbed with her release, convulsing wildly and trying to grab onto the blanket beneath her. Her inner muscles were clenching ruthlessly around Lex’s cock, threatening to push it out altogether.
He kept pushing back against the contractions, letting out a long, guttural groan of effort and frustration.
When Chloe finally started to come down, Lex relaxed his grip on her hips, changed his angle suddenly, and thrust into her more fully.
She cried out at the shift and managed to keep her eyes open, wanting to see him as he came.
His features contorted almost unrecognizably as he gave a few hard, jerky pushes into her tightened channel. “Fuck,” he gasped, twitching his head and freezing momentarily. “Oh, fuck.”
Then he came. And it was hard and intense and Chloe watched as it transformed his face. His whole body pulsed and shook, until she could feel him releasing himself in several short spurts inside her.
“Oh, fuck,” Lex said again, his voice so hoarse it sounded like it hurt. Inhaling desperately, he fell forward, catching himself with his arms before his weight landed on her. Then he lowered himself onto her more gently, his hot, heavy form resting on hers.
Chloe gasped and clung to him. Felt kind of like she might cry.
After a minute, his weight and the sticky results of their coupling began to be less appealing and more uncomfortable. Shifting beneath him, Chloe said gently, “Lex.”
With a groan, he pulled his head out of the space between her head and shoulder. “Am I getting heavy?”
“A little,” she admitted. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he murmured, with effort pulling his damp, softening cock out of her channel and then rolling off of her.
Chloe fumbled around until she’d found a couple of tissues she’d brought with her outside-in case she’d felt the need for a good cry-and handed one of them to Lex. As he wiped off his cock and pulled up and fastened his pants, she did her best to clean up between her legs with the other tissue.
It wasn’t entirely successful, but it would do for now.
When they’d both straightened their clothing, Lex relaxed back on the blanket and pulled Chloe over to nestle against him. Pressing a soft kiss into her hair, he asked diffidently, “So, do you think you might be ready to come home?”
Chloe sucked in a sharp breath, realizing that the warm simplicity of their interlude was over. That-even after making love-she was going to have to hurt him again. “I . . .” she began brokenly. “I . . . don’t know.”
His only reaction was to tense up briefly, but she knew that her answer had wounded and disappointed him.
Stroking his chest with her hand, she twisted so she could peer up at him. “I’m sorry, Lex. This was so . . . wonderful. And I’m really glad we could do it. But you know it can’t really fix things.”
“I know,” he admitted. His face was quiet and watchful again. “But I thought it might be a start.”
“It is,” she agreed hurriedly, pulling up so she could look down at him. “It is. And I’m going to come home really soon. But . . . I want to make good decisions. So I just need to think about it reasonably, and not let your studliness turn me into a big heap of silly mush.”
Lex gave her a half-smile. “All right,” he murmured, stroking her hair back from her damp face. “I understand. I don’t want you to get caught up in feeling and act too quickly either. Take your time.”
She’d known that had been hard for him to say. She knew he wanted nothing more than to snatch her up and carry her home with him. So she leaned down and pressed a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. “Thank you.”
They shared a deep, warm look that Chloe was briefly afraid she might drown in.
To pull herself out of it-being serious about wanting to make good decisions and not let herself be pulled back into a thoughtless acceptance of their old situation-Chloe curled up her lips. “Besides, the girls have been promised a picnic at the lake tomorrow, and they’d never forgive me if I took them home before that occurred.”
Lex smiled back at her. “As it happens, I’ve been invited to that picnic as well.”
Feeling a rising sense of warm anticipation, one that was strangely new, despite the years they’d spent together, Chloe asked, “And were you planning to attend the illustrious picnic?”
His thumb tracing along the swollen line of her bottom lip, Lex replied, “I was. In fact, I thought I might stay in Smallville tonight instead of driving all the way back to Metropolis.” He met her eye with an uncharacteristic hesitance. “I could stay at the mansion if you’d rather I not stay at the house.”
Chloe swallowed hard. Felt a rush of nervousness rise in her throat as she tried to figure out how to respond.
Things had felt so natural and simple just a few minutes ago-when they’d been in each others arms. But, now that that brief interlude was over, all of the complexities of their relationship and history kept forcing their way back into the situation.
It would be nice, if their whole lives could be as simple as their loving each other. It would be nice--like a dream or a story.
But no one’s life was ever that simple.
“Um,” she mumbled, feeling anxious and almost guilty about having to hurt him again. “Um, you can stay at the house-I’m sure the girls would love it-but maybe you could sleep in the den.”
Lex didn’t reply. Just gazed up at her silently.
“I’m so sorry, Lex,” Chloe told him, her voice cracking and her face twisting in regret. “I know it’s not what you want. And I’m sure it sounds like a silly gesture after what we just did. But . . . but as I said before, our problems aren’t just because of you. They’re also because of me, because of what I let myself accept and become. And . . . and I need to know that I’m capable of making wise, mature decisions, and not just dissolving into jello because of some particularly good lovin’.”
She’d been hoping her choice of words would cut the sting of her decision, would cause him to relax into amusement. So she was pleased when his mouth started to twitch.
“All right,” he said at last. “I think I understand. I know we have a lot to work on, so there’s no sense in rushing and potentially making things more complicated later.” He cupped her warm cheek and concluded, “I’ll be happy to sleep in the den.”
Chloe couldn’t help it. She melted into a warm, full smile. “Thank you, Lex. The girls are going to be so excited.” Glancing back toward the direction of the house, she added, “And you can help us make pizza tonight.”
* * *
The next morning, Chloe was awakened from the first good sleep she’d had in weeks by the sound of whispering at her door.
“Mommy’s still sleeping.” That was Anna’s whisper-a kind of lisped stage whisper that was as loud as her regular speaking voice. Chloe would know it anywhere.
Gabrielle replied, her voice actually closer to a real whisper. “Why won’t she ever wake up?”
They must be peeking at their mother through the door. Chloe felt a warm swell of affection for her sweet little girls, despite their being awake at what felt like an ungodly hour on a Sunday morning.
“She sleeps forever,” Anna complained, her childish voice a little louder this time.
“Not forever.” Another murmured voice, this one lower and more mature. Lex. “You’ve only been up for an hour yourself.”
“We’ve been up forever,” Gabrielle objected. “Why doesn’t Mommy wake up?”
Chloe couldn’t help it. She raised her eyelids just enough for her to peek through her lashes and was rewarded by the sight of all three of them huddled in her partially opened door way, staring at her as they not-so-discreetly discussed her sleeping habits.
The sight of her family made her so happy she could barely keep from giggling. But she wanted to see what would happen next, so she continued her pretense of sleep.
“Well,” Lex suggested, a familiar amusement in her voice. “Maybe you should wake her up the way you woke me up this morning.”
“Jump on her?” Anna asked excitedly.
Chloe almost choked at the image of their girls ecstatically jumping on Lex as he slept in the den, waking him up first thing in the morning.
Lex must know by now she was already awake, or he likely wouldn’t have suggested such a sudden, violent end to her slumbers. “Yes,” he agreed. “On the count of three, we should all jump on Mommy.”
The girls giggled elatedly, and they all started to count to three in shaky unison.
Chloe started to prepare herself for what was about to happen.
On three, the girls let out loud squeals and charged the bed, leaping on it-and on Chloe-as enthusiastically as they could.
Chloe played along. Sat up abruptly in bed with a loud cry of surprise, her dramatic response making her daughters scream in delight.
Lex had come over too and was now sitting on the edge of the bed, smiling in a way that made Chloe’s heart melt. He was wearing dark trousers and a white T-shirt. But he must not have showered and dressed yet because his feet were bare, making him look unusually casual and domestic.
“We waked Mommy up! We waked Mommy up!” Anna chanted, bouncing on the bed in pure joy.
Pulling her younger daughter into a quick hug, Chloe murmured, “You certainly did. You might have given me a heart attack.”
Gabrielle’s long red hair was loose and was falling in thick waves down her back and shoulders. She was giggling just as much as Anna was, and now she snuggled up against Chloe. “We’ve been up for ages. But Daddy wouldn’t let us wake you up until now.”
Putting her arm around Gabrielle, Chloe slanted a knowing look over at Lex’s face. “Your daddy is a very wise man.”
“Daddy said he’d make us pancakes!” Anna declared, standing on the bed and wrapping her arms around Lex’s neck from behind.
“Really?” Chloe gasped. “Pancakes? That’s excellent news. I’m hungry.”
“We’re starving,” Anna pronounced, in a resolute tone, as she kept squeezing Lex in a fond backward hug. “Time for pancakes!”
Chloe started to get out of bed and happened to notice Lex watching her. She suddenly began to feel self-conscious, for some reason, and wished she was wearing something more attractive than her old cotton pajama pants and faded tank top. She also wished she hadn’t eaten so much chocolate over the last month, and that she’d tried to work out more.
“Maybe I should get dressed first,” she murmured, glancing down at herself and making a face.
This statement was greeted by such adamant objection from her daughters that Chloe dropped the subject immediately.
They all went into the kitchen in their pajamas, and Lex started to search for the necessary pancake-making ingredients.
Chuckling over how the girls were bombarding their daddy with questions-about everything from why he wasn’t wearing the purple pajamas they’d gotten him last Christmas to why Grandpa’s kitchen had a ceiling fan and theirs didn’t-Chloe forgot all about her appearance and started to simply enjoy herself.
Later that afternoon, she resolved, she would have a talk with Lex. Start to really hash things out and deal with some of their problems, without letting sex, mushy feelings, or the complicated, exhausting nature of the situation distract her from what she knew they needed to address.
But first she was going to listen to her daughters giggle ecstatically at their father’s bland comments and smug expressions.
And she was going to eat some of his pancakes.