venting! no need to read...it would prob bore you to tears...
i dno if im more pissed off about the situation or at myself for being so goddamn weak!
err i am the biggest mess today, i jus borke down and i cnt stop fuckin crying and its pissing me off even mmore so then i get even more upset ugh!
first off i hate valentines day!!! id give anything to have someone who actually cares for me and i care for them, someone who i could trust, someone who wont make me cry, but of course not i must b crzy for even considering the idea!
then theres the parent issue...i miss my mom soo much and yes i do feel like an wimp saying taht but its jus so different...my whole life i was raised by my mom and val, which explains alot about me as a person lol but yea my dad was never there not even on my birthdays and now its the complete opposite and he doesnt know a thing about me... I HATE DOGS! especially little yappy ones im a cat person and he got me a dog to make me happy I WANNA SHOOT IT! if he would have gotten me an ugly hairless cat i would even like it more than my dog...He also expects and accepts nothing but absollute perfection and you know what im not fuckin perfect im far from it omg and then he gets me stuff jus to make up for everything all the years hes missed, to make up for him bieng an ass to me whenever he has a bad day...i dont need stuff im not that fuckin materialistic id give it all away if i could jus kno what i wanted..if i could jus b happy even if it was jus for a day...
i need a break...i was actually really considering living with my mom but that would not work i would hate having to start all over again make friends all over again try and b able to call someplace my home all over again, and as much as i really clash with my dad some times i wouldnt b able to leave him all alone, im all hes got, i kinda wish shannon wasnt such a bitch to him then i would truely b able to make a sencere decision with no guilt involved....i feel so alone, and im sick of it, im not as strong as everyone thinks, im not as strong as i should b, i shouldnt b this upset over this stuff there are ppl with way worse problems, im being such an idiot.....instead of complaining about my problems i should b thinking bout how to solve them....i need to stop letting certain ppl b so influencial on me one lil thing they do makes me either extreemly happy or sends me right off the deep end its so bad...i also came to a painful realization yesterday,it took me about 6 months to get it but i finally understood it and it hurt more than anything...im out mayb i can fall asleep....it doenst solve anything but at least it puts everything off for a bit so i can think about it more logically...i dnt wanna b such a mess...