Passchendale review/Remembrance Day
‘Don’t die.’
That’s like totally my goodbye line. Instead of saying ‘goodbye’ to people, I say don’t die.
Paul Gross…you are a dirty thief! That’s my word! My slogan! DAMN YOU!
Now that that’s out of the way, I saw a rather interesting movie on Tuesday known as Passchendale. I saw it in a theatre full of Grade 10s, 11s and 12s, who were all lacking interest. It is safe to say that it was an enlightening experience, to see how such a movie affected the audience.
Now, this could have two possible outcomes. The movie could have either…
A: Only grabbed their attention during the fight scene
B: Seized their attention for the entire 2 hours.
What occurred was something in the middle. Half the audience spent the movie openly mocking it and the other half seemed to be generally disinterested. Still, the fight scene scared the crap out of everyone because it was so FREAKING WELL DONE.
But enough about my crappy experiences (of whom I have Lucy in part to thank for. Kudos to her for being one of the loudest people in the theatre), you’re here to learn about the movie.
As you all know, I’m a dick of a critic. I generally hate everything that moves and I have the arrogance to despise even the most minute details. Evaluating movies is pretty easy. Is it emotional? Does it work? Is the acting sufficient? Did the director put thought into what they do?
But war movies are different. They reflect the human condition and should show the horrors of war. Not necessarily for entertainment, war movies have a strong message. They’re supposed to show audiences what war could possibly be like…the horrors and the false pride.
Does Passchendale complete this? Yes and no.
Let’s look at the film’s tagline: ‘Don’t die.’
That pretty much sums up the first half of the movie, which boils down to a poorly conceived romance between Paul Gross’ character and a nursemaid. Not only is there zero chemistry between the two, but the lines between them are so cliché it hurts. Like, I was practically expecting a ‘you had me at hello,’ here and there. God, people! Two things that spring up between them are that he can ‘paint her a picture’ with words and that she won’t ‘die.’
Not to mention that the protagonists aren’t likeable at all. While the concepts are good (Gross’ character, Michael Dunn is mortified at the killing of a german boy - bayonette through the head), they’re executed so poorly. The characterization isn’t consistent. The audience never really sees Dunn’s terror about war - how he can never sleep after all he’s done. They hear about it in dialogue, but Gross never shows it. He never allows the cameras to get too close, which is his downfall.
Another wasted opportunity is David, Sarah (nursemaid)’s sister. He’s angry and young, but that’s ALL we see of him. Sure he falls in love with a girl and he has sex with her twice (‘How about you stick a foreign substance into me’ WHAT THE HELL), but his character seems really, really poorly conceived. He’s extremely unlikeable and hits the audience as spoiled and annoying.
Speaking of sex the dialogue takes a turn for the worse (lower than rock bottom!) after a certain fornication scene in a Belgan shack (I’m not kidding). ‘I have to go.’
Cue lame laughter in the theatre (Kudos to Lucy!). Really, the dialogue is so full of clichés that it feels like one of my novels! Come on, Mr. Gross, polish the script!
But I’ve trashed Passchendale enough. Its’ time to say what actually works and saves this movie from movie hell. Any scene where NO ROMANCE is occurring is well done. Gross captures the essence of the homefront during the conscription crisis and the various propaganda used by the government. It’s truly magical.
Also magical is his depiction of the battlefront.
HOLY SHIT. I was scared. Every time someone died I winced. It was insane, intense and made you tremble. It puts games like ‘Call of Duty’ in perspective. There’s no humanity in war games and they shouldn’t even be made. War is not a child’s game to play at and Gross knows this.
The battles in Passchendale are gory and respectively lack CGI polish. Every wound is visible on a person and every death is accurately represented. One that particularly haunts me is the death of a German as he gets his throat slit in a full 360. It’s a quick shot that causes his collapsing in the mud.
The war scene is chaotic and shows all sides and fronts. It shows the need for relief and the horrid conditions at Passchendale. To me, the battle redeemed the movie. It’s one of the best fight scenes in film.
When I left the theatre I was trembling. Not because of the JESUS ALLEGORY, but because of the battle I had just seen. It shows what war really is, what it can accomplish - the death of too many young men. I don’t give a damn about the characters, but those men in war….I felt like I was there with them.
I’m buying a poppy. Hell, I’ll buy 5. The boys deserve it.
7.5/10 (2.5/5 first half, 5/5 second half)
Also, I found something really disturbing. When I was rehearsing after school, I came across several poppies that had been crumpled up on the ground. It was as if the people wearing them didn't believe in what they meant and they were only worn as a fashion accessory for the 11th hour. To be honest, it disgusted me.
But I guess that sums up our generation...fad in, fad out. But really, wouldn't it be better to not buy a poppy at all then just throw it on the ground? Respect people...have it.