Alone
Title: Alone
Fandom: ER
Pairing: Ray/Neela
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What happens after Neela drives away? Ray's PoV. Missing moment from 12:18 - Strange Bedfellows.
A/N: Notes at end of fic. :)
Ray Barnett stands on the sidewalk, staring at the cab as it drives away. When the cab is out of sight, he doesn't move. His eyes are burning and he knows that it's not because of the wind that's coldly stinging his skin. He wipes furiously at his eyes as he turns and walks back into the apartment building.
Seconds later he is in his own apartment, their apartment, leaning against the door. He looks down at the black t-shirt still clutched in hands and feels a lump in his throat.
It is thrown to some corner of the room as Ray strides quickly to the kitchen, their kitchen and fumbles around for a beer. The cap is yanked off and tossed somewhere near the shirt and he settles onto the couch, their couch, and fumbles around until he finds the remote. He turns the TV on, hoping it will drown out the thoughts in his head and the emotions in his heart.
He curses when he sees that the World Poker Tour is playing and quickly changes the channel. A national address about the war in Iraq. Ray swigs from the bottle in his hand and changes the channel again. A cooking show - the topic being cookies. Fucking fantastic. The curses spill freely from his mouth as he turns the TV off and walks back to the refridgerator to get the whole case of beer. He's going to need them tonight.
Ray falls asleep, taken into the peaceful slumber by way of the vast amounts of alcohol and the emotional stress of it all, but he wakes up before it is even midnight. His head hurts already and he looks at the scattered beer bottles that litter the floor and lets out a long breath.
Seized by some unknown sensation, he stands up and walks straight into her bedroom. The room still smells like her; foreign spices and lavendar and fresh linen bedsheets. He glances around before running a hand along a book on her nightstand.
A pink stuffed animal sits on the shelf above her bed and he picks it up, squeezing it and pressing it against his cheek. All he can see is the image of her turning away, biting her lip as he told her of his feelings, looking pained just hearing the words. He sees her climbing into the cab.
And then he feels horrible inside, as if something against his abdomen and now it's tightening, aching, clawing at his insides...his shoulders begin to shake and he sinks down on her bed, helpless to stop the sobs as they escape him. Tears are surprisingly not streaking down his face; no, these sobs pour from his very soul.
Ray isn't sure how long he carries on this way, vulnerable and hopeless. When he is done, he sets the animal back on the shelf. His hands on his knees, he looks down at the floor. He knows that if he raises his head and opens his eyes, he'll have a clear view of that fucking t-shirt.
He opens his eyes anyway. Standing up, he shakily walks across the room and picks it up. He wants raise it to his face, to smell her on it, to get some sense that she is still here with him, but he doesn't. He can't. Because she isn't here. She's not coming back. She's not his roomie anymore.
She's gone. And he can't stand it.
Numb all over, Ray folds the shirt and sets it on the couch, his couch. He collects all the beer bottles on the floor and dumps them into the trash can in the kitchen, his kitchen.
He looks around at the apartment, his apartment, and has never felt so alone.
*
A/N: I'm trying to keep with my promise - it was to write a fic per week during the ER hiatus. I have one more to go & it will unfortunately be late. But I have started writing it. :)
Also, you guys know the pink stuffed animal referred to in this fic? It's the one from Man with No Name - the one that fell off the wall while Ray and some girl were, um, having fun. Hee. :D
Interested in my other Missing Moments fics? Check out Night in the NICU, Mistakes, Good Spirits & Aftermath. :)
Fandom: ER
Pairing: Ray/Neela
Rating: PG-13
Summary: What happens after Neela drives away? Ray's PoV. Missing moment from 12:18 - Strange Bedfellows.
A/N: Notes at end of fic. :)
Ray Barnett stands on the sidewalk, staring at the cab as it drives away. When the cab is out of sight, he doesn't move. His eyes are burning and he knows that it's not because of the wind that's coldly stinging his skin. He wipes furiously at his eyes as he turns and walks back into the apartment building.
Seconds later he is in his own apartment, their apartment, leaning against the door. He looks down at the black t-shirt still clutched in hands and feels a lump in his throat.
It is thrown to some corner of the room as Ray strides quickly to the kitchen, their kitchen and fumbles around for a beer. The cap is yanked off and tossed somewhere near the shirt and he settles onto the couch, their couch, and fumbles around until he finds the remote. He turns the TV on, hoping it will drown out the thoughts in his head and the emotions in his heart.
He curses when he sees that the World Poker Tour is playing and quickly changes the channel. A national address about the war in Iraq. Ray swigs from the bottle in his hand and changes the channel again. A cooking show - the topic being cookies. Fucking fantastic. The curses spill freely from his mouth as he turns the TV off and walks back to the refridgerator to get the whole case of beer. He's going to need them tonight.
Ray falls asleep, taken into the peaceful slumber by way of the vast amounts of alcohol and the emotional stress of it all, but he wakes up before it is even midnight. His head hurts already and he looks at the scattered beer bottles that litter the floor and lets out a long breath.
Seized by some unknown sensation, he stands up and walks straight into her bedroom. The room still smells like her; foreign spices and lavendar and fresh linen bedsheets. He glances around before running a hand along a book on her nightstand.
A pink stuffed animal sits on the shelf above her bed and he picks it up, squeezing it and pressing it against his cheek. All he can see is the image of her turning away, biting her lip as he told her of his feelings, looking pained just hearing the words. He sees her climbing into the cab.
And then he feels horrible inside, as if something against his abdomen and now it's tightening, aching, clawing at his insides...his shoulders begin to shake and he sinks down on her bed, helpless to stop the sobs as they escape him. Tears are surprisingly not streaking down his face; no, these sobs pour from his very soul.
Ray isn't sure how long he carries on this way, vulnerable and hopeless. When he is done, he sets the animal back on the shelf. His hands on his knees, he looks down at the floor. He knows that if he raises his head and opens his eyes, he'll have a clear view of that fucking t-shirt.
He opens his eyes anyway. Standing up, he shakily walks across the room and picks it up. He wants raise it to his face, to smell her on it, to get some sense that she is still here with him, but he doesn't. He can't. Because she isn't here. She's not coming back. She's not his roomie anymore.
She's gone. And he can't stand it.
Numb all over, Ray folds the shirt and sets it on the couch, his couch. He collects all the beer bottles on the floor and dumps them into the trash can in the kitchen, his kitchen.
He looks around at the apartment, his apartment, and has never felt so alone.
*
A/N: I'm trying to keep with my promise - it was to write a fic per week during the ER hiatus. I have one more to go & it will unfortunately be late. But I have started writing it. :)
Also, you guys know the pink stuffed animal referred to in this fic? It's the one from Man with No Name - the one that fell off the wall while Ray and some girl were, um, having fun. Hee. :D
Interested in my other Missing Moments fics? Check out Night in the NICU, Mistakes, Good Spirits & Aftermath. :)