Ugly
A/N: As aforementioned in the previous post, I was inspired to write this by himawarixxsandz. I hope you like it. The things written in italics are the lyrics from the English Translation of Ugly.
Ugly
I'm trying to smile brightly, but I don't like it
She stares in the mirror while touching her lips. She makes an attempt at smiling once more. Her lips are too big. Her teeth are too slanted, too yellow, too big to be pretty. So she grabs her toothbrush and the almost-empty toothpaste tube and begins to scrub her teeth until it hurts, until her gums are sore. She rinses the blood in the sink away and looks at her reflection once more.
I'm trying to sing, but no one is listening
She sings to herself in her room every night. She has always wanted to be a singer. She sings until her throat burns, and as loud as she can. But no one wants to listen. Her sister turns up the iPod blasting music in the next room and her parents yell for her to 'keep it down' and that it 'sounded better when the original sang it.'
I'm getting angry again, why can't I ever be perfect?
She silently fumes as she watches all the couples around her. Why is she so flawed? Why can't she be like the other girls? Pretty, beautiful, graceful- Why can't she be like that? They make it look so easy. They look at her and laugh. She grabs her stuff as the bell rings, ignoring her friends' worried calls after her. She had to get out of there. She was suffocating.
I simply put the blame on my ugly appearance in this broken mirror
She runs to the bathroom and quickly locks the door after her. She runs to the mirror, gripping onto the sides of the sink with all her might. She gives the mirror one chance to show her something she wants to see. After a few minutes of indifference, she breaks down. Surely this thing must be broken. Surely she can't actually be this ugly? She slams her fist into the glass. Now it truly is broken, just like her spirit.
This world is full of lies
'You're so pretty!' They tell her. 'You're so beautiful!' They tell her these things repeatedly. But why? What do they see in her? She's not like all the other girls. She's not demure, sweet, or fragile. She's too tough, too independent for her own good. She tries too hard, and stresses herself out. So what is there to like about her?
I think I'm ugly, and nobody wants to love me
She must be ugly. She fell for someone, they used her then threw her away without even one look back, or feeling of regret. He looked her in the eyes and said, 'well no one wants you anyway.' He shook his head at her, and after that day avoided her. Anytime after that, he only talked to her when he absolutely had to, and even then he didn't make eye contact with her. And if he did, he didn't see her.
Just like her I wanna be pretty! I wanna be pretty!
She clicks on random pictures on Google of beautiful women. This is how she tortures, belittles, and inferiorates herself. She looks at the things that girl has that she doesn't. The things that she has that she wants, but could never have. But that doesn't stop her from wanting them. And oh, how she wants them. yearns for them, even.
Don't lie to my face tellin' me I'm pretty,
Don't lie to my face cause I know I'm ugly,
Once again they're telling her she's pretty. She tries to correct them as kindly as she can. Why do they continuously lie to her like they do? Anyone with eyes could see that she's ugly, hideous, repulsive- So why does she even bother? She's an eyesore to the beautiful model-worthy girls surrounding here. They probably just hang out with her because they pity her or because going out somewhere with her just makes them look even more beautiful.
Don't tell me that you can understand me so easily
'You know, I'm not really all that pretty either, so I can totally understand what you're going through.' Can you really? Do you have any idea what it's like to surrounded by people who're tall, with high noses, beautifully colored eyes, and nice skin complexions? Ones who look at you with that look that says better you than me? No you don't. You're pretty. So you've never been through what she has.
My ugly and crooked heart may even come to resent you!
She stares back blankly at the girl in front of her. Bitterness and hatred growing in her heart. She doesn't like bing like this, but she also doesn't like to be lied to or pitied. She's not a happy person. For her, life has been no Crystal Stair. It's made her tough, her heart hardened. She isn't sympathetic. She doesn't feel remorse for her cold and very brash words. What has she become?
Don't force me to talk, I'm not right for you
'Look at me!' He shouts at her. 'Do you like me, or don't you?' She doesn't reply, and keeps looking at the ground. 'SAY SOMETHING!' She doesn't look up at him. She hopes he understands. He's better off with someone else. Someone good for him, someone who won't embarrass him in front of his friends with how she looks. Someone who's right for him.
Don't come closer, I don't want your concern
Her sister finds her crying in her closet at two o' clock in the morning. Her sister crouches down, and reaches out, only for her to shrink away from the touch. 'Leave me be,' she says. Her sister, who's never been any good at comforting someone who's crying, just shruggs her shoulders, and exits the dark closet. Shutting the door behind her, without a single look back.
All alone, I'm all alone
She crawls onto her bed, curling herself into the fetal position and cradles her knees to her chest. She's become a recluse. Her time is spent writing, crying, listening to music, but that's it. Because of her appearance, her weight, her inability to smile, and her bitter loss of personality, pushing people away wasn't that hard. Her own sister doesn't even want to talk to her. Her own mom doesn't even make an effort to talk to her. But what effort is there to be made?
There's no such thing as warmth
Love is a thing that is hypothetical. It exists in theory. Pretty people find it, skinny people, people who can sing, and those with beautiful smiles. But she has none of those qualities, so love isn't for her. Love is for perfect people, for people who're everything she isn't and that possess everything she doesn't.
I'm always all alone,
Next to my side, there's not even anyone to embrace me,
There is no one for me. No one to comfort me or save me from myself. When did I start being like this? When did this become such a big obsession that I gave up my friendships and kinships for it? I've gotten to the point where I can be in a room full of people and still feel so alone. It's always that way. I guess that's true loneliness. That that's what self-imposed isolation is.
I'm not pretty, I'm not beautiful
Why am I this ugly?
mood:
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