Introductory Post
At thirty years of age, it's difficult to assess in a momentary glace what I've made of my life. I doubt it will be much easier at forty, fifty, or even beyond that.
I am a musician, a gamer, a father, a writer, a husband, and I am forgetful - the latter of which is the reason for my beginning this journal in tandem with my wife, Queenofcretins. :)
The past 10 years seems like a tempestuous whirlwind of memories, dotted with bittersweet triumph and well-intentioned errors that have all coalesced to this, the here and now. I wouldn't say I've failed at much in life; in fact, I would say I've been moderately successful at making an impact in the lives of my friends and family, though I tend to from a distance.
I've never been good with relationships - if it were a disease, I would call it "chronic apathetic romanticism". I'm just not an emotional person, and when it comes to outpourings of romantic notion I become outwardly awkward. The romantic encounters of my youth (all of which were NC-17 at best until I left home and went to college) were few and far between, and anything I espoused sounded cheesier than a Hallmark card knockoff from Dollar General. My first marriage didn't work out as well as I would have planned, that's for certain, but we have made the best of a bad situation and I still get to play a role in my son's upbringing, though for only a fraction of each year and in a slightly compromised stance against my ex-wife. I love my son with all my heart and I long for the day I can be a full-time dad to him again.My current marriage has been much more rewarding as we are simply more synergistic with each other. We met through online gaming and met after a year of playing together in-game. Now, 3 years later, we are married, both gainfully employed, have a working vehicle, have vision and dental insurance, and are looking at a much brighter future than I had considered possible 4 years ago.
Work has never been a focus of my life. That is, I refuse to "bring work home". When I clock out, I'm a completely different person, but I accept the mask I have to adopt in my line of work. That's just the burden of the beast that we either choose to bear or we go without a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I held a lot of fast foods jobs, but when I went to the Career Center here in Decatur and was given a job listing at the Holiday Inn as a night auditor, I found my place amongst the sedentary workforce. Since I began working nights, I've put on 100 pounds, have begun to prematurely gray (thankfully not balding), and have frequent headaches when outdoors during the day. I still enjoy living opposite of the waking world, mostly because there's fewer people to deal with!
I have been an avid gamer for nearly as long as I can remember. I began with Dungeon & Dragons, Magic: the Gathering, and other strategic games like Risk, Othello, and Chess. When I discovered online gaming with Diablo II and eventually World of Warcraft, everything changed and suddenly I stopped playing a lot of the other mundane games (except D&D cause it's awesome). I won't deny that prolonged exposure to the visceral online community has jaded me considerably, but you also learn much about the integrity of complete strangers and supposed friends when the anonymity of the internet is introduced.
In retrospect, life has been good so far. If my end were to come upon me suddenly, what would I have to reflect upon in my final moments? What would come rushing back as I seek in desperation to find some way to avoid the grim inevitability? What moments in life have meant the most to me, and what will I take to my grave? I think considering our mortality has a way of reminding us how insignificant we are in the expanse of the blackness beyond our world, but also makes us wonder - what, if anything, did we mean while we were here?
I am a musician, a gamer, a father, a writer, a husband, and I am forgetful - the latter of which is the reason for my beginning this journal in tandem with my wife, Queenofcretins. :)
The past 10 years seems like a tempestuous whirlwind of memories, dotted with bittersweet triumph and well-intentioned errors that have all coalesced to this, the here and now. I wouldn't say I've failed at much in life; in fact, I would say I've been moderately successful at making an impact in the lives of my friends and family, though I tend to from a distance.
I've never been good with relationships - if it were a disease, I would call it "chronic apathetic romanticism". I'm just not an emotional person, and when it comes to outpourings of romantic notion I become outwardly awkward. The romantic encounters of my youth (all of which were NC-17 at best until I left home and went to college) were few and far between, and anything I espoused sounded cheesier than a Hallmark card knockoff from Dollar General. My first marriage didn't work out as well as I would have planned, that's for certain, but we have made the best of a bad situation and I still get to play a role in my son's upbringing, though for only a fraction of each year and in a slightly compromised stance against my ex-wife. I love my son with all my heart and I long for the day I can be a full-time dad to him again.My current marriage has been much more rewarding as we are simply more synergistic with each other. We met through online gaming and met after a year of playing together in-game. Now, 3 years later, we are married, both gainfully employed, have a working vehicle, have vision and dental insurance, and are looking at a much brighter future than I had considered possible 4 years ago.
Work has never been a focus of my life. That is, I refuse to "bring work home". When I clock out, I'm a completely different person, but I accept the mask I have to adopt in my line of work. That's just the burden of the beast that we either choose to bear or we go without a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. I held a lot of fast foods jobs, but when I went to the Career Center here in Decatur and was given a job listing at the Holiday Inn as a night auditor, I found my place amongst the sedentary workforce. Since I began working nights, I've put on 100 pounds, have begun to prematurely gray (thankfully not balding), and have frequent headaches when outdoors during the day. I still enjoy living opposite of the waking world, mostly because there's fewer people to deal with!
I have been an avid gamer for nearly as long as I can remember. I began with Dungeon & Dragons, Magic: the Gathering, and other strategic games like Risk, Othello, and Chess. When I discovered online gaming with Diablo II and eventually World of Warcraft, everything changed and suddenly I stopped playing a lot of the other mundane games (except D&D cause it's awesome). I won't deny that prolonged exposure to the visceral online community has jaded me considerably, but you also learn much about the integrity of complete strangers and supposed friends when the anonymity of the internet is introduced.
In retrospect, life has been good so far. If my end were to come upon me suddenly, what would I have to reflect upon in my final moments? What would come rushing back as I seek in desperation to find some way to avoid the grim inevitability? What moments in life have meant the most to me, and what will I take to my grave? I think considering our mortality has a way of reminding us how insignificant we are in the expanse of the blackness beyond our world, but also makes us wonder - what, if anything, did we mean while we were here?