(no subject)
(Incidentally, eff off, Word. Why are there all the HTML tags at the front that I have to remove to fit a decent-sized post in? Is it a Vista bug?)
As Harry entered the classroom, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Ernie Macmillan, and Terry Boot were all huddled together in a corner. Their conversation soon became hushed when they noticed Harry. Throughout the lesson, bits and pieces of what they were discussing soon wafted toward Harry’s ear. His eyes stung, just hearing the words.
“...cheap slut...”
“...such a tease.”
“...he probably doesn’t even know whose it is...”
“...nothing but Dumbledore’s plaything anyway...”
Rutherford: *dreamy sigh* Yes, he has the most piercing and brilliant blue eyes, doesn’t he?
…Wait, what were we talking about? WHAT?! No, I NEVER had sex with Dumbledore! Nor did I ever get pregnant by him! *retches vigorously*
“Fisher”: …Uh, you like blue eyes, how very nice… *backs away slowly*
Bastards, all three of them. At that moment, Harry wished he had let the snake attack Justin back in second year.
Rutherford: You asshole. You deserve everything you get.
He squeezed his eyes tight and tried to quell the tears away. The tears ignored him and came anyhow.
Rutherford: I can’t watch. This whiny little bastard has nothing to do with me.
Katherine: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree.
Harry couldn’t have told anyone under penalty of death what that lesson had been about. He just knew it was the longest of his life.
“Fisher”: *contemplates hexing the author*
When it finally ended, Harry just wanted to go back to bed, shut the curtains, and let go. However, that simple request would be denied to him.
“Fisher”: *fondles his wand* *not in that way, you perverts* The author could do with some typing-related disability until the whininess improves…
“Mr. Potter, please stay after. I would like a word with you.”
{snip, Snape leaves Harry alone}
Snape had retrieved him [Draco] and said there was a matter that needed to be attended to in his classroom. Draco had no idea what he meant until he saw Harry sitting there looking so forlorn. It was time to put the emo out of his misery.
“I can’t take this. All the whispers, the looks I get. It’s everything, Draco. I wanted kids but in the future. This happened so fast. And with Voldemort, this fucking war, I just want it to stop! Can the Gryffindors win already?! We’ve been fucking everyone from Slytherins to Dark Lords to the Giant Squid to each other to, thanks to Aberforth, goats! We should win by a landslide!”
“Stop your sobbing Harry - Turn him off! I want the giggling Harry! -, you’ll ruin my robe. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get my clothes freshly pressed now? The elves think they are practically liberated at this point.”
“Fuck you”
Rutherford: I agree completely.
Richard: Now, all we need are periods.
“Such language and in front of the youngling.”
{snip} Draco rested his face against the bump and felt a swift kick to the ear. It was as though the baby was staking claim, giving him a “hey, get lost!” statement.
Guardian’s Song: *is impressed* Day-um. Say, Thorn, think you can take another future-sporker kid? This one’s resisting in utero. I’d say it has potential.
Harry should have been taken back by the moment. However, his lovable hormones started to kick him. Draco, on his knees, eye level to his cock. Yes, all the ingredients were there for the perfect storm. {snip} His eyebrow arched and the Malfoy grin sneer passed on from generation to generation of wealthy scum CANON! *nearly dies from shock* found its home.
“Potter, are you becoming aroused by the image of me kneeling before you?”
“I’m not going to lie, Draco,
Rutherford: - NO, NO, AND NO!
yeah I am. It’s been ages since we’ve last...”
“I know. I’ve felt it as well.”
With a casual hand, Draco began to massage Harry's steadily engorging cock through the material of his trousers. The low sigh turned into a groan. Those hands had been sorely missed, especially during Nyx’s shift. ?! Who?! A feeling of unabashed sexual desire It’s like My Inner Life! roared through Harry. He thirsted, craved, needed, demanded, and every other word under the thesaurus entry for wanted, Suethor.
Harry leaned back on the table, his arms supporting him on either side instead of his feelers or his hair. There’s a difference? I mean, yeah, right. O_o Draco continued his ministrations, and unzipped the altered pants in an act that could only be described as arousing.
Guardian’s Song: Does someone need to read more of HalfLight’s stuff? Certain authors can actually, you know, come up with words and phrases that describe things instead of in essence saying “I couldn’t be arsed to come up with an actual sexy descriptor, so I just pasted on ‘arousing’ or ‘sexy’ and hoped you’re desperate enough to pretend that I actually put something with content there”. *sighs* Gad, a sex scene written by me would probably be half-parody [due to using far too many euphemisms] and contain far too many “My wand is bigger and bett- ohbyFaust…” “Well, I am slightly superior at wandwork, if I do say so myself” jokes, but I still think it would be better.
Harry gulped as he felt a cool, *grabs stray comma* Do you want to be in a Laurell K. Hamilton book when you grow up? (Comma) *trembles with fear* Then don’t run in when you’re not needed. splash of wind grace his cock. And that began the most heated of meetings between him and Draco.
No sooner than Draco was palming Harry’s cock, then Harry was bent over the desk, pants down at his ankles, moaning like a Saturday night special whore,
“Fisher”: Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that what he was just complaining about?
as Draco pounded relentlessly into him. He screamed a line of obscenities, came abruptly, and tried to catch his breath as Draco poured into him a few moments later.
Guardian’s Song: Yanno, I didn’t see no “word limit” on this fanfic. Which means that there’s no excuse for this short and shitty a sex scene.
Sorry, kinda spoiled by reading lomonaaeren’s excellent Harry/Draco sex scenes. I swear, she made a blow job against a wall into a page-long work of art…
They both let out strangled pants, struggling to remain level on weak legs. Baby Potter-Malfoy decided to offer a hardy kick right at that moment.
Guardian’s Song: I LIKE this kid! 8D Will readers propose names to substitute for the inevitable pretentious fic one? “Damien” still needs a name. :P
{snip}
*****
Fully pregnant and fully annoyed.
Katherine: - at the sentence fragments.
Everything hurt, his back, his feet, even his fucking hair.
Guardian’s Song: Effing impossible. No nerves. *grits teeth* Emoness, you are doing it wrong, and doing it more wrong than USUAL? That’s pretty fucking impossible, but this author has managed it.
Harry wanted death to come to all who even looked at him oddly. It was April, the school year was coming to a screaming end, in the “screaming[ly gay]” sense. Dumbledore’d decided to throw a baby shower as only Albus Dumbledore could. Oh, Merlin, all the purple… Harry dodged another sparkling streamer. The Horcruxes were almost all gone. And all off-page too! How well-written and SUSPENSEFUL! Really, can you make it any more obvious you’re a fucking hack than to ignore the entire POINT of the plot of the last two books just so Harry can be pregnant? Many of the great lomonaaeren’s fics seem to have an AU DH as background, but she manages to make even the glimpses of the alternate world sound interesting even in her crack-fics - people dying in the battle of Malfoy Manor, Ron having figured out the location of two of the Horcruxes, etc. So there is really NO EXCUSE AT ALL, Suethor. You’re an embarrassment to the Harry/Draco fandom. Really, how does the fandom that somehow spawned Lightning on the Wave and lomonaaeren spawn such IDIOTS?! Nagini still lived though. From the information the Order could gather, Voldemort was more than aware of Harry’s pregnancy. The only thing protecting him - Voldemort due to bad pronoun use - was Hogwarts and Dumbledore TWO THINGS! SO PLURAL! NOT SINGULAR!, who wasn’t exactly Team Harry these days.
Rutherford: Enough of the “Everyone HATES ME BECAUSE I’M A PREGNANT MAN” bullshit! Dumbledore is NOT that closed-minded! E-FUCKIN’-NOUGH!
“Fisher”: I’m not exactly Team Author at this point, either.
Katherine: Basilisks solve everything.
“Fisher”: No, that’s goats.
Katherine: But basilisks solve everything permanently.
“Fisher”: I dunno, if a horn catches the victim of a headbutt wrong…
Currently, he had taken residence in one of the private room in the Infirmary. All parties decided that it would be best if Harry stayed off his feet as much as possible. {snip} Ron came around too, but he would mostly talk about non-controversial topics like the latest products the Twins Weasley had invented. Harry ended up Obliviating himself after the time Aberforth came to his room, so all he remembered of that visit was “Goats can’t get you pregnant” and that Aberforth had recommended a number of helpful charms. Mrs. Weasley stopped by twice a week and puttered about. Harry feared that when she learned of his situation, she would be unforgiving. But Molly Weasley surprised him the most and acted as if her first grandchild was coming along soon. She would bring random sweets, various tiny jumpers, booties, hats, and even a pants suit, and sound advice. The woman had been through six pregnancies; this was her field of expertise.
Guardian’s Song: My gad, in-character-ness! *faints*
{snip} To be carrying such a glaring “I’m not telling” bundle was as sweet as a virgin’s honey.
“Fisher”: …Oddest euphemism I’ve ever heard. And when did he have an opportunity to taste that, if he’s only been having intercourse with men?
Katherine: Perhaps, when he objects to being a slut, he merely protests too much…
On a particularly boring afternoon, Harry was sitting up in bed finally reading Hogwarts: A History. He had nothing else to do, why not satisfy Hermione.
Rutherford: Why not practice Dark curses on myself? SARCASM.
A rush of pain encased him, had someone just Crucio'd him? Oh no, Death Eaters in the school...wait, what was that wet feeling? Please let this not turn into S&M.
“MADAM POMFREY! I THINK IT’S TIME!”
****
{snip}
“Come in Mr. Malfoy,” greeted Madam Pomfrey, who looked tired but relieved.
Rutherford: No thanks - I wouldn’t touch him even for that long.
Draco followed the Mediwitch back to where the private rooms were. She led him to the first door where Harry lay, covered in sweat and hair even more of rat’s nest then the usual attitude kicked in and he tried to hex Malfoy to a pulp,
Rutherford: …Wait. I’m covered in HAIR?! *gawks*
holding a small looking thing in his arms.
Rutherford: Those mini-telescopes give you black eyes, you know.
“Fisher”: *cheerfully* Big as a loaf of bread, right?
Katherine: There were times to think with your stomach, and seeing your newborn daughter for the first time was not one of them.
“Fisher”: Well, you owed me for asking if I had poured love potion in your drink…
“Everything went well, Draco. We had to give Harry a cesarean to get the baby out but he did beautifully. The baby is perfectly healthy; 7 pounds, 12 ounces, 23 inches long, ten fingers and ten toes. Oh and it’s a girl.”
Madam Pomfrey turned to leave the two new fathers alone. Draco just stared, he had a daughter. Huh, that was an interesting term. A daughter. He wasn’t really sure what to do with a girl. She already looked so delicate and breakable.
Guardian’s Song: OI. (Mrs. Weasley? May I please have the Capslock of Rage? Thank you.) Now, I understand that could just be fatherly protectiveness, but -
*TWITCHES* WHAT DO YOU FUCKING BET HE WOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT ABOUT A BOY?!
…Thank you, Mrs. Weasley. :D;; *twitches some more* And all that comment does aside from annoy me is make me think of Ariana. Which would be nice if it was foreshadowing or something, but it isn’t, so it’s just really effing annoying.
“Draco, get over here and come meet her.”
Draco did what Harry commanded and found himself walking over to the bed. *delirious from lack of sleep and attempts to do homework* Compulsion for the creepy stuff! Wait, this isn’t Sacrifices? Funny, it sounds just like when Connor tried to compel Harry to obey him in Comes Out of Darkness Morn… Yeah, really romantic, that. -_-;; Harry looked utterly exhausted and so happy. In fact, Draco had never seen Harry this absolutely happy before. He sat on the side of the bed and was given the baby to hold. She was beautiful, no question. The baby already had a thatch of dark hair but clearly had Draco’s nose.
Rutherford: Pointy? Poor girl.
It seemed she would be a mixture of the two.
Guardian’s Song: Wow, this actually IS superior to the DT and canon! People don’t reproduce by budding! O_o
Draco knew their secret was special, and not just the typical parental joy of believing their kid was some of prodigy.
Katherine: *smugly* Well, our firstborn is a prodigy.
Rutherford: At being a pompous git? *sighs* Yeah, fine, he is. Stop gloating. …I should never have told you what became of him when he grew up.
Katherine: *gloats*
“Fisher”: *shrugs* *is proud of his boy*
A warming sensation ran through his body as soon as she was placed in his arms. Something about his and Harry’s magic created this creature and now, both of their energies combined to make one fluid being. Right then, Draco knew she would grow to become a powerful sporker, to judge from her prenatal activities - got her, Thorn? Good - SO, spork fans, what do we name her? :DD;; witch. He couldn’t help but wonder what house she be sorted into - he be checking her style, yo!. Maybe Ravenclaw would fit...although Slytherin would cause him nothing but the greatest glee.
“She’s ravishing canon up the arse. I am almost in denial that she’s really here.”
“Deny all you want *mumbling in sleep* …Com… ma… but I was there Am I in a comma? No, but I might be going into one. and she’s quite impatient.”
“Impatience usually leads to stubborn behavior. Merlin, I was hoping for a Slytherin. Now she’ll be subjected to Gryffindor.”
Guardian’s Song: *annoyed* What about the hard workers of Hufflepuff? OH, GEE, WE RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS DON’T EXIST EXCEPT AS RANDOM EXTRAS AND SECONDARY CHARACTERS, SILLY ME. …Sorry, Mrs. Weasley, it was an accident! *hands back Capslock of Rage*
You know, I’m writing one of the most WTF Girl!Harry AUs that I know of fandom at the moment. (I haven’t managed to finish the first chapter yet, unfortunately.) It’s ridiculously contrived, and the Girl!Harry is… uh… kind of SPESHUL in many ways. It was “inspired” by Child of Grace, in that I finally decided to put my writing where my mouth was regarding my oft-stated opinion on a certain fandom cliché package. But I hope a few things will redeem it.
First, she has the exact opposite of good judgment in many circumstances. …Such as liking Quirrel, trusting the diary-Tom [although she sort of has a good reason in context, given what she knows, but still], persistently thinking Snape’s going to be nice to her one of these days, and similar things. (In context of the not-exactly-Potter’s-fanclub people being nastier in-fic than in canon, she’ll also really be making a mistake by trying to reason with people and saying “Why does being Slytherin’s Heir mean you’re evil?” instead of shutting up, keeping her head down, and denying the snake thing was anything other than a fluke.)
Second, she full well knows and frequently acknowledges that her Slytherin best friend, one Ronald Weasley (what? It’s an AU - in the words of many Suethors, I can do what I like :P), saves her rear all the time. None of this “Ron’s a stupid pig” stuff here.
Third, she adores Hagrid and Ron and the like, and she only interacts frequently with Draco for… some reason of hers that she isn’t quite sure of, either, and that she can only describe as “It’s not really home unless there’s a smug, cruel, elitist prat around, for some reason”.
Fourth, (also tying into the “She’s not Miss Perceptive” thing) she’s completely spaced out (“spaced away from reality”) a decent amount of the time. Yeah, so she has friendly chats with her benign, damaged Horcrux while spaced out. She would also take about ten seconds to realize an enormous dragon was bearing down on her in the most noisy and flashy way possible if she was spaced out at the time. In fact, this is pretty much the reason why the Dursleys harass her more than canon-Harry - she’s not stupid by any means, but the spacing out got to the point where a teacher suggested special education (not due to it affecting her academic performance negatively, but due to the “D: SHE IS NOT A NORMAL STUDENT, OUR BRAINS IZ BROKEN” philosophy). Meh. It fits with the overarching fanon, and I figured I might give her a semi-realistic “I don’t fit in” angst point, since one of the unofficial goals is to take all the clichés of generic Girl!Harry fics and subvert them.
Fifth, she fits best into and chooses Hufflepuff. Yes, you heard me. HUFFLEPUFF. You know, the House of friendship, loyalty, tolerance, fair play - coughallthevaluesRowlingrippedoffandstuffedintoGryffindorscough -, honesty, and hard work. And she’s a sweet kid (I hope - if I write it right). Admittedly, she’s more than a bit childlike, but I ascribe that to living in her head more than usual for comfort and… well… certain reasons that I can’t mention due to spoiling the premise (which is given away at the start of the first chapter and in the summary, but for the benefit of the f-list, I won’t say), but I was just trying to keep IC as opposed to just having a random OC GWL as in most fics.
…Anyway, point is, these things should NOT be so uncommon in fanfic that I can admit the girl’s going to have the classic wandless magic, Occulumency talent, and angstier-past-than-Harry Trifecta Of Doom and yet still not going to look Sueish (I hope) due to having some sane variance on the usual clichés. *facepalm* Hufflepuff needs more love.
“Draco, she’s not even an hour old and already you're sorting her. Take it back a notch.”
Katherine: That’s right - wait until the child can walk. Then you start Sorting.
Rutherford: *facepalm*
“Do not look at me as though I am mental. I know it probably has crossed your mind, Saviour Potter.
Rutherford: That you’re mental? Come to think of it…
While we bicker, maybe we should converse on a name.”
{snip} What do you think of Aildreda?”
“Pass”
“Fisher”: On periods?
“Elysant?”
“That sounds like a disease”
“Fisher”: A period-robbing disease?
“Osanna then”
Richard: *scowls as the missing comma and period bounce against his head* The fic didn’t start out with this ludicrously bad punctuation. What happened? And yes, yes, we’ll give you good homes…
“Does anyone in your family have a normal name?”
“Since you’re the czar of names, how about you suggestion that doesn’t reek of squalor and vexation PERIOD!”
“There is one name I’ve always liked. It was the name of one of my primary teachers. She was always so kind to me. During recess, she would sit with me and read stories or play cards. I think she knew what my life was like and tried to help.”
“She sounds like a good person. What was her name?”
“Augusta, Miss Augusta O’Rourke to be exact.”
As Harry entered the classroom, Justin Finch-Fletchley, Ernie Macmillan, and Terry Boot were all huddled together in a corner. Their conversation soon became hushed when they noticed Harry. Throughout the lesson, bits and pieces of what they were discussing soon wafted toward Harry’s ear. His eyes stung, just hearing the words.
“...cheap slut...”
“...such a tease.”
“...he probably doesn’t even know whose it is...”
“...nothing but Dumbledore’s plaything anyway...”
Rutherford: *dreamy sigh* Yes, he has the most piercing and brilliant blue eyes, doesn’t he?
…Wait, what were we talking about? WHAT?! No, I NEVER had sex with Dumbledore! Nor did I ever get pregnant by him! *retches vigorously*
“Fisher”: …Uh, you like blue eyes, how very nice… *backs away slowly*
Bastards, all three of them. At that moment, Harry wished he had let the snake attack Justin back in second year.
Rutherford: You asshole. You deserve everything you get.
He squeezed his eyes tight and tried to quell the tears away. The tears ignored him and came anyhow.
Rutherford: I can’t watch. This whiny little bastard has nothing to do with me.
Katherine: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I agree.
Harry couldn’t have told anyone under penalty of death what that lesson had been about. He just knew it was the longest of his life.
“Fisher”: *contemplates hexing the author*
When it finally ended, Harry just wanted to go back to bed, shut the curtains, and let go. However, that simple request would be denied to him.
“Fisher”: *fondles his wand* *not in that way, you perverts* The author could do with some typing-related disability until the whininess improves…
“Mr. Potter, please stay after. I would like a word with you.”
{snip, Snape leaves Harry alone}
Snape had retrieved him [Draco] and said there was a matter that needed to be attended to in his classroom. Draco had no idea what he meant until he saw Harry sitting there looking so forlorn. It was time to put the emo out of his misery.
“I can’t take this. All the whispers, the looks I get. It’s everything, Draco. I wanted kids but in the future. This happened so fast. And with Voldemort, this fucking war, I just want it to stop! Can the Gryffindors win already?! We’ve been fucking everyone from Slytherins to Dark Lords to the Giant Squid to each other to, thanks to Aberforth, goats! We should win by a landslide!”
“Stop your sobbing Harry - Turn him off! I want the giggling Harry! -, you’ll ruin my robe. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get my clothes freshly pressed now? The elves think they are practically liberated at this point.”
“Fuck you”
Rutherford: I agree completely.
Richard: Now, all we need are periods.
“Such language and in front of the youngling.”
{snip} Draco rested his face against the bump and felt a swift kick to the ear. It was as though the baby was staking claim, giving him a “hey, get lost!” statement.
Guardian’s Song: *is impressed* Day-um. Say, Thorn, think you can take another future-sporker kid? This one’s resisting in utero. I’d say it has potential.
Harry should have been taken back by the moment. However, his lovable hormones started to kick him. Draco, on his knees, eye level to his cock. Yes, all the ingredients were there for the perfect storm. {snip} His eyebrow arched and the Malfoy grin sneer passed on from generation to generation of wealthy scum CANON! *nearly dies from shock* found its home.
“Potter, are you becoming aroused by the image of me kneeling before you?”
“I’m not going to lie, Draco,
Rutherford: - NO, NO, AND NO!
yeah I am. It’s been ages since we’ve last...”
“I know. I’ve felt it as well.”
With a casual hand, Draco began to massage Harry's steadily engorging cock through the material of his trousers. The low sigh turned into a groan. Those hands had been sorely missed, especially during Nyx’s shift. ?! Who?! A feeling of unabashed sexual desire It’s like My Inner Life! roared through Harry. He thirsted, craved, needed, demanded, and every other word under the thesaurus entry for wanted, Suethor.
Harry leaned back on the table, his arms supporting him on either side instead of his feelers or his hair. There’s a difference? I mean, yeah, right. O_o Draco continued his ministrations, and unzipped the altered pants in an act that could only be described as arousing.
Guardian’s Song: Does someone need to read more of HalfLight’s stuff? Certain authors can actually, you know, come up with words and phrases that describe things instead of in essence saying “I couldn’t be arsed to come up with an actual sexy descriptor, so I just pasted on ‘arousing’ or ‘sexy’ and hoped you’re desperate enough to pretend that I actually put something with content there”. *sighs* Gad, a sex scene written by me would probably be half-parody [due to using far too many euphemisms] and contain far too many “My wand is bigger and bett- ohbyFaust…” “Well, I am slightly superior at wandwork, if I do say so myself” jokes, but I still think it would be better.
Harry gulped as he felt a cool, *grabs stray comma* Do you want to be in a Laurell K. Hamilton book when you grow up? (Comma) *trembles with fear* Then don’t run in when you’re not needed. splash of wind grace his cock. And that began the most heated of meetings between him and Draco.
No sooner than Draco was palming Harry’s cock, then Harry was bent over the desk, pants down at his ankles, moaning like a Saturday night special whore,
“Fisher”: Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that what he was just complaining about?
as Draco pounded relentlessly into him. He screamed a line of obscenities, came abruptly, and tried to catch his breath as Draco poured into him a few moments later.
Guardian’s Song: Yanno, I didn’t see no “word limit” on this fanfic. Which means that there’s no excuse for this short and shitty a sex scene.
Sorry, kinda spoiled by reading lomonaaeren’s excellent Harry/Draco sex scenes. I swear, she made a blow job against a wall into a page-long work of art…
They both let out strangled pants, struggling to remain level on weak legs. Baby Potter-Malfoy decided to offer a hardy kick right at that moment.
Guardian’s Song: I LIKE this kid! 8D Will readers propose names to substitute for the inevitable pretentious fic one? “Damien” still needs a name. :P
{snip}
*****
Fully pregnant and fully annoyed.
Katherine: - at the sentence fragments.
Everything hurt, his back, his feet, even his fucking hair.
Guardian’s Song: Effing impossible. No nerves. *grits teeth* Emoness, you are doing it wrong, and doing it more wrong than USUAL? That’s pretty fucking impossible, but this author has managed it.
Harry wanted death to come to all who even looked at him oddly. It was April, the school year was coming to a screaming end, in the “screaming[ly gay]” sense. Dumbledore’d decided to throw a baby shower as only Albus Dumbledore could. Oh, Merlin, all the purple… Harry dodged another sparkling streamer. The Horcruxes were almost all gone. And all off-page too! How well-written and SUSPENSEFUL! Really, can you make it any more obvious you’re a fucking hack than to ignore the entire POINT of the plot of the last two books just so Harry can be pregnant? Many of the great lomonaaeren’s fics seem to have an AU DH as background, but she manages to make even the glimpses of the alternate world sound interesting even in her crack-fics - people dying in the battle of Malfoy Manor, Ron having figured out the location of two of the Horcruxes, etc. So there is really NO EXCUSE AT ALL, Suethor. You’re an embarrassment to the Harry/Draco fandom. Really, how does the fandom that somehow spawned Lightning on the Wave and lomonaaeren spawn such IDIOTS?! Nagini still lived though. From the information the Order could gather, Voldemort was more than aware of Harry’s pregnancy. The only thing protecting him - Voldemort due to bad pronoun use - was Hogwarts and Dumbledore TWO THINGS! SO PLURAL! NOT SINGULAR!, who wasn’t exactly Team Harry these days.
Rutherford: Enough of the “Everyone HATES ME BECAUSE I’M A PREGNANT MAN” bullshit! Dumbledore is NOT that closed-minded! E-FUCKIN’-NOUGH!
“Fisher”: I’m not exactly Team Author at this point, either.
Katherine: Basilisks solve everything.
“Fisher”: No, that’s goats.
Katherine: But basilisks solve everything permanently.
“Fisher”: I dunno, if a horn catches the victim of a headbutt wrong…
Currently, he had taken residence in one of the private room in the Infirmary. All parties decided that it would be best if Harry stayed off his feet as much as possible. {snip} Ron came around too, but he would mostly talk about non-controversial topics like the latest products the Twins Weasley had invented. Harry ended up Obliviating himself after the time Aberforth came to his room, so all he remembered of that visit was “Goats can’t get you pregnant” and that Aberforth had recommended a number of helpful charms. Mrs. Weasley stopped by twice a week and puttered about. Harry feared that when she learned of his situation, she would be unforgiving. But Molly Weasley surprised him the most and acted as if her first grandchild was coming along soon. She would bring random sweets, various tiny jumpers, booties, hats, and even a pants suit, and sound advice. The woman had been through six pregnancies; this was her field of expertise.
Guardian’s Song: My gad, in-character-ness! *faints*
{snip} To be carrying such a glaring “I’m not telling” bundle was as sweet as a virgin’s honey.
“Fisher”: …Oddest euphemism I’ve ever heard. And when did he have an opportunity to taste that, if he’s only been having intercourse with men?
Katherine: Perhaps, when he objects to being a slut, he merely protests too much…
On a particularly boring afternoon, Harry was sitting up in bed finally reading Hogwarts: A History. He had nothing else to do, why not satisfy Hermione.
Rutherford: Why not practice Dark curses on myself? SARCASM.
A rush of pain encased him, had someone just Crucio'd him? Oh no, Death Eaters in the school...wait, what was that wet feeling? Please let this not turn into S&M.
“MADAM POMFREY! I THINK IT’S TIME!”
****
{snip}
“Come in Mr. Malfoy,” greeted Madam Pomfrey, who looked tired but relieved.
Rutherford: No thanks - I wouldn’t touch him even for that long.
Draco followed the Mediwitch back to where the private rooms were. She led him to the first door where Harry lay, covered in sweat and hair even more of rat’s nest then the usual attitude kicked in and he tried to hex Malfoy to a pulp,
Rutherford: …Wait. I’m covered in HAIR?! *gawks*
holding a small looking thing in his arms.
Rutherford: Those mini-telescopes give you black eyes, you know.
“Fisher”: *cheerfully* Big as a loaf of bread, right?
Katherine: There were times to think with your stomach, and seeing your newborn daughter for the first time was not one of them.
“Fisher”: Well, you owed me for asking if I had poured love potion in your drink…
“Everything went well, Draco. We had to give Harry a cesarean to get the baby out but he did beautifully. The baby is perfectly healthy; 7 pounds, 12 ounces, 23 inches long, ten fingers and ten toes. Oh and it’s a girl.”
Madam Pomfrey turned to leave the two new fathers alone. Draco just stared, he had a daughter. Huh, that was an interesting term. A daughter. He wasn’t really sure what to do with a girl. She already looked so delicate and breakable.
Guardian’s Song: OI. (Mrs. Weasley? May I please have the Capslock of Rage? Thank you.) Now, I understand that could just be fatherly protectiveness, but -
*TWITCHES* WHAT DO YOU FUCKING BET HE WOULDN’T HAVE SAID THAT ABOUT A BOY?!
…Thank you, Mrs. Weasley. :D;; *twitches some more* And all that comment does aside from annoy me is make me think of Ariana. Which would be nice if it was foreshadowing or something, but it isn’t, so it’s just really effing annoying.
“Draco, get over here and come meet her.”
Draco did what Harry commanded and found himself walking over to the bed. *delirious from lack of sleep and attempts to do homework* Compulsion for the creepy stuff! Wait, this isn’t Sacrifices? Funny, it sounds just like when Connor tried to compel Harry to obey him in Comes Out of Darkness Morn… Yeah, really romantic, that. -_-;; Harry looked utterly exhausted and so happy. In fact, Draco had never seen Harry this absolutely happy before. He sat on the side of the bed and was given the baby to hold. She was beautiful, no question. The baby already had a thatch of dark hair but clearly had Draco’s nose.
Rutherford: Pointy? Poor girl.
It seemed she would be a mixture of the two.
Guardian’s Song: Wow, this actually IS superior to the DT and canon! People don’t reproduce by budding! O_o
Draco knew their secret was special, and not just the typical parental joy of believing their kid was some of prodigy.
Katherine: *smugly* Well, our firstborn is a prodigy.
Rutherford: At being a pompous git? *sighs* Yeah, fine, he is. Stop gloating. …I should never have told you what became of him when he grew up.
Katherine: *gloats*
“Fisher”: *shrugs* *is proud of his boy*
A warming sensation ran through his body as soon as she was placed in his arms. Something about his and Harry’s magic created this creature and now, both of their energies combined to make one fluid being. Right then, Draco knew she would grow to become a powerful sporker, to judge from her prenatal activities - got her, Thorn? Good - SO, spork fans, what do we name her? :DD;; witch. He couldn’t help but wonder what house she be sorted into - he be checking her style, yo!. Maybe Ravenclaw would fit...although Slytherin would cause him nothing but the greatest glee.
“She’s ravishing canon up the arse. I am almost in denial that she’s really here.”
“Deny all you want *mumbling in sleep* …Com… ma… but I was there Am I in a comma? No, but I might be going into one. and she’s quite impatient.”
“Impatience usually leads to stubborn behavior. Merlin, I was hoping for a Slytherin. Now she’ll be subjected to Gryffindor.”
Guardian’s Song: *annoyed* What about the hard workers of Hufflepuff? OH, GEE, WE RAVENCLAWS AND HUFFLEPUFFS DON’T EXIST EXCEPT AS RANDOM EXTRAS AND SECONDARY CHARACTERS, SILLY ME. …Sorry, Mrs. Weasley, it was an accident! *hands back Capslock of Rage*
You know, I’m writing one of the most WTF Girl!Harry AUs that I know of fandom at the moment. (I haven’t managed to finish the first chapter yet, unfortunately.) It’s ridiculously contrived, and the Girl!Harry is… uh… kind of SPESHUL in many ways. It was “inspired” by Child of Grace, in that I finally decided to put my writing where my mouth was regarding my oft-stated opinion on a certain fandom cliché package. But I hope a few things will redeem it.
First, she has the exact opposite of good judgment in many circumstances. …Such as liking Quirrel, trusting the diary-Tom [although she sort of has a good reason in context, given what she knows, but still], persistently thinking Snape’s going to be nice to her one of these days, and similar things. (In context of the not-exactly-Potter’s-fanclub people being nastier in-fic than in canon, she’ll also really be making a mistake by trying to reason with people and saying “Why does being Slytherin’s Heir mean you’re evil?” instead of shutting up, keeping her head down, and denying the snake thing was anything other than a fluke.)
Second, she full well knows and frequently acknowledges that her Slytherin best friend, one Ronald Weasley (what? It’s an AU - in the words of many Suethors, I can do what I like :P), saves her rear all the time. None of this “Ron’s a stupid pig” stuff here.
Third, she adores Hagrid and Ron and the like, and she only interacts frequently with Draco for… some reason of hers that she isn’t quite sure of, either, and that she can only describe as “It’s not really home unless there’s a smug, cruel, elitist prat around, for some reason”.
Fourth, (also tying into the “She’s not Miss Perceptive” thing) she’s completely spaced out (“spaced away from reality”) a decent amount of the time. Yeah, so she has friendly chats with her benign, damaged Horcrux while spaced out. She would also take about ten seconds to realize an enormous dragon was bearing down on her in the most noisy and flashy way possible if she was spaced out at the time. In fact, this is pretty much the reason why the Dursleys harass her more than canon-Harry - she’s not stupid by any means, but the spacing out got to the point where a teacher suggested special education (not due to it affecting her academic performance negatively, but due to the “D: SHE IS NOT A NORMAL STUDENT, OUR BRAINS IZ BROKEN” philosophy). Meh. It fits with the overarching fanon, and I figured I might give her a semi-realistic “I don’t fit in” angst point, since one of the unofficial goals is to take all the clichés of generic Girl!Harry fics and subvert them.
Fifth, she fits best into and chooses Hufflepuff. Yes, you heard me. HUFFLEPUFF. You know, the House of friendship, loyalty, tolerance, fair play - coughallthevaluesRowlingrippedoffandstuffedintoGryffindorscough -, honesty, and hard work. And she’s a sweet kid (I hope - if I write it right). Admittedly, she’s more than a bit childlike, but I ascribe that to living in her head more than usual for comfort and… well… certain reasons that I can’t mention due to spoiling the premise (which is given away at the start of the first chapter and in the summary, but for the benefit of the f-list, I won’t say), but I was just trying to keep IC as opposed to just having a random OC GWL as in most fics.
…Anyway, point is, these things should NOT be so uncommon in fanfic that I can admit the girl’s going to have the classic wandless magic, Occulumency talent, and angstier-past-than-Harry Trifecta Of Doom and yet still not going to look Sueish (I hope) due to having some sane variance on the usual clichés. *facepalm* Hufflepuff needs more love.
“Draco, she’s not even an hour old and already you're sorting her. Take it back a notch.”
Katherine: That’s right - wait until the child can walk. Then you start Sorting.
Rutherford: *facepalm*
“Do not look at me as though I am mental. I know it probably has crossed your mind, Saviour Potter.
Rutherford: That you’re mental? Come to think of it…
While we bicker, maybe we should converse on a name.”
{snip} What do you think of Aildreda?”
“Pass”
“Fisher”: On periods?
“Elysant?”
“That sounds like a disease”
“Fisher”: A period-robbing disease?
“Osanna then”
Richard: *scowls as the missing comma and period bounce against his head* The fic didn’t start out with this ludicrously bad punctuation. What happened? And yes, yes, we’ll give you good homes…
“Does anyone in your family have a normal name?”
“Since you’re the czar of names, how about you suggestion that doesn’t reek of squalor and vexation PERIOD!”
“There is one name I’ve always liked. It was the name of one of my primary teachers. She was always so kind to me. During recess, she would sit with me and read stories or play cards. I think she knew what my life was like and tried to help.”
“She sounds like a good person. What was her name?”
“Augusta, Miss Augusta O’Rourke to be exact.”