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Guardian’s Song: All right! Break over! It’s the weekend! BEGIN AGAIN!
“Fisher”: And the author still has not been brought to justice!
Guardian’s Song: Stop it, or I’ll force you to read The Black Heir in its entirety. You’re a Light wizard (inasmuch as there are Light wizards and witches), right? As a Light wizard, you’ll give yourself permanent brain damage banging your head against the wall. Same goes for you, “Rutherford” - except that you’ll also have to endure the joy of the Boy-Who-Lived making vigorous love to Voldemort. And dear Katherine Miller, did you know that apparently, Muggleborns can’t be Dark? Hooray.
Rutherford: …PLEASE tell me “making vigorous love” is a metaphor.
Guardian’s Song: With bondage! :D
Rutherford: …I’m blind.
Katherine: I suppose this is preferable.
“Fisher”: Is there prepubescent incest in that fic?! It can’t be worse!
Guardian’s Song: Sir, if you have any pride in the Light, The Black Heir will render you comatose. Take my word for it. *boots them back into fic*
It was with great sadness a day later that Holly and Blaise packed their school things.
Katherine: They knew they should have paid for a longer stay at the Zabini family’s brothel, but alas, they had not known at the beginning that it would be half so enjoyable.
“Fisher”: *grips her by the shoulders* That isn’t funny.
Katherine: If we mock the fic, perhaps we can ignore the content.
Dante had received an urgent owl not an hour earlier from his nephew. The health of his widowed sister had taken a dreadful turn, and the ten-year-old had not known who else to ask for help.
“Fisher”: (Dante’s nephew) With Mommy ill, who’s going to pleasure me?!
Katherine: And you, dear, are being a hypocrite.
“Fisher”: It stems from pain. *eyetwitch* There’s a reason why some of the mad laugh…
As a result, Dante, Eren, and the Zabini girls were travelling to Spain the next day to care for her.
“Fisher”: *opens mouth*
Guardian’s Song: Dude, remember, the stuff you see may actually be there. That’s what happened the last time.
“Fisher”: *mouth hangs open* *all color drains out of face*…I went to Gryffindor, I was a Gryffindor, I’m supposed to be brave, why do I just want to run…
Guardian’s Song: *spots a familiar figure* *pales* *chucks the chapters Shell Cottage and Gringotts (with certain passages highlighted) at the figure* There, that oughta hold him. >D
Katherine: At least this story isn’t doing irreparable harm to any of us.
“Fisher”: It isn’t?!
Rutherford: *is happily blind* Hear no evil, see no evil, do no evil, wait for Deus Ex Machina!
Guardian’s Song: *joins in with Katherine in smacking Rutherford upside the head* Oi! This isn’t the Katherine-and-“Fisher” show, y’know!
{mini-snip}
To say that Holly was extremely disappointed was an understatement, and as bad as she felt for Dante’s sister, the green-eyed girl couldn’t help but hate the woman’s timing.
Rutherford: Yeah, possible fatal illness is “[bad] timing”. *jaw drops* I’ve been self-absorbed in the past, but this - this is- yeah, a young Voldemort probably thought that about his mum dying in childbirth! *gapes*
Katherine: If she wasn’t a family friend, this wouldn’t be so terrible, but as is, I agree.
“Fisher”: She cut short the family orgies! She should be recognized as a hero and her name immortalized! *wide-eyed grin*
Katherine: …Dear?
“Fisher”: A martyr for the side of what is right instead of who is easy! *staggers around as if drunk* Caloo! Callay! Hooray!
Rutherford: …Instead of who - oh. …Sir, lie down.
“Fisher”: Why?! Break out the Firewhiskey! Then, after the party, we’ll honor Miss What’s-Her-Name’s sacrifice by attacking the rest of the Zabinis! *thrusts fist into air*
Katherine: *gently but firmly guides him into a seat* Breathe slowly. We still have several more pages.
“Fisher”: *giggles and whistles a merry tune*
The Slytherin had been having the time of her life,
“Fisher”: *muscle twitches in face* But had been, yes, it’s over now, the bad times have gone…
and now, she was leaving early.
*all three think simultaneously “Ah, well, at least she’s not coming early.”*
*all three keep silent*
“Fisher”: *looks into Rutherford’s eyes* …Funny about that, I was just thinking -
Katherine: *looks into Rutherford’s eyes for a bit longer* …As was -
Rutherford: Can’t a man have his privacy of mind around here?
Katherine: Oh, you can join the children in complaining about that. Except they’re too old for that now.
Rutherford: *scowls* Gits.
Not only that, but Blaise and she had not yet had the opportunity to research the summoning ritual for her parents.
Rutherford: Say, have you heard of the “Veil”?
Without Dante’s books, it seemed as though they wouldn’t be able to do it.
“Fisher”: Two lines without underage sexual intercourse! The Zabini aunt’s sacrifice has truly saved us all! *near-religious-ecstasy*
However, Blaise luckily had a solution to their problem PERIOD!
“Cheer up, mate,”
Rutherford: Ron?! Is that you?! Save us!
he told her as he helped her pack her things into her trunk. “We can research it during the summer. We’ll have more time then anyway. I know that we will miss Beltane,
Guardian’s Song: You know, the one time I saw that in a novel (a cheap supermarket-bookshelf-resident), it was the occasion of a great yearly orgy/ “fertility ritual”. That seems all too appropriate for this fic.
but we can do it on the next Samhain ALL HALLOWS’ EVE instead. Besides, it is more likely to work then.” He patted her back before tucking a book along the side of her trunk.
Holly nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered, {snip, not all her things will fit}
Holly blinked and opened her mouth. She then promptly shut it, making a neutral sound. She certainly could leave her things here, the Zabinis probably wouldn’t mind. Yet, it was different if Blaise did it. He lived here; it was his home. If she started permanently leaving her things here, it basically amounted to declaring that she had the right to do so.
Guardian’s Song: You see this? THIS is crappy OBHZF foreshadowing. It makes HBP seem subtle.
Another moment passed in silence, brown eyes studying her. He gazed at Holly, as if willing her to do as he suggested.
Katherine: She claims to be talented at Occulumency and Legilimency, yet maintains eye contact when someone may be attempting to compel her? *snorts* She would never last in Slytherin.
She was toying with the cover of some nameless book with a cover made of human skin, thinking it over.
The girl glanced at him. “Will your parents mind?”
Guardian’s Song: (Blaise) Of course not! We’re your perfect Pod-Family, designed to be your perfect hugbox!
The caramel-skinned boy didn’t even hesitate. “Not in the least.” He gave her a sheepish shrug. “They were actually the ones that brought it up to me. They wanted me to suggest it to you when I asked to stay for the summer again.”
“Summer?” she repeated.
He had referenced [nothing, apparently] when he had mentioned the summoning ritual, but the way he made it sound now… well, it seemed like his parents wanted her to spend the entire holiday with them.
“The entire time?”
“Fisher”: *stands up and draws wand* Not if I have any say in it!
Katherine: You don’t, so don’t make me Disarm you again.
“They would love it if you would,” Blaise responded happily. “I explained that you had to go to the Dursleys for a while first.” A dark scowl tugged at his lips at the mention of her relatives. “I didn’t say why,” he assured Holly, at her questioning sniff. “But they’re smart. I think that they’ll soon figure it out. They already know that the headmaster insists you return, even if you aren’t happy there.”
“Fisher”: (The Headmaster) Well, she may not be happy, but at least they’re family, so they’re less likely to get her pregnant before the age of thirteen.
Holly distractedly toyed with her unbound hair, which made Hermione’s hair look positively neat, turning back to look at her things. Her mind was whirling with the implications of what Blaise had said. Apparently, his family truly didn’t mind her intrusion into their various orifices - *dodges curses from “Fisher”*. The thought of actually being wanted,
“Fisher”: YOU should not be worrying about that until you’re well into puberty, young lady.
of having someone wish her presence, brought a genuine grin to her face.
Rutherford: Oi, now I’m envying her. *long-suffering sigh*
Katherine: Oh, stop pitying yourself. I’m envying anyone who doesn’t have to deal with a sulky, overgrown child.
Rutherford: I’m envying any version of myself that doesn’t have to deal with some version of Severus Snape, whether it’s female or not.
Katherine: I repeat my earlier statement.
More minutes passed, and it was just as Blaise was becoming increasingly nervous that she spoke.
Katherine: “Was becoming”. “Increasingly”. Argh.
“Sure,” Holly said finally, and she began to take things out of her trunk.
She now had to decide what to take and what to leave.
“Fisher”: That’s simple, she’ll take Blaise’s virginity, our sanities, and every Speshul object that she can fit into her case - and leave nothing canon behind.
Eren dropped them off at school the next morning.
Guardian’s Song: IZ HOGWARTS, IZ NOT PRIMARY SCHOOL.
She left after a hug and kiss to each of them, giving both firm instructions to write. {snip}
It was a very surprised Draco who spotted them as they entered the Common Room.
“Fisher”: (Draco) The - the trap didn’t WORK?! You’re still alive?! I mean… welcome! Good to see you again!
Katherine: No, this is how a Slytherin would do it.
(Draco) You’re still alive? I suppose I have to correct that. AVADA KEDAVRA!
Rutherford: Nah, his imitation was better.
Katherine: …I weep for my House.
The blond gave his condolences after they had explained before proceeding to tell them exactly they had missed at Hogwarts. Not much, but Greg and Vincent Gregory and Vincent OR Greg and Vince - use nicknames consistently. had had a strange experience with mysteriously appearing cakes after Christmas dinner. The floating deserts had been left outside the Great Hall,
Katherine: *raises eyebrows* Well, that’s an amazing piece of spellwork. I’m not sure even the Headmaster could perform such a feat.
Rutherford: And I thought the Twins’ bogs were impressive.
but the two boys had been sceptical about eating them, especially after they had noticed that Neville and Ron were lurking about.
Rutherford: …Neville? Lurk? …*shakes head*
Of course, that aside had led to other occurrence during the holiday: the bizarre behaviour of Hermione, Ron, and Neville. The Gryffindor trio had been prowling around the remaining Slytherins, not approaching them and merely watching.
Rutherford: That’s called “trying to see who’s using the students for target practice”.
It was as if the three were waiting for something.
Rutherford: As I recall, we were trying to find out who the Heir was, not trying to set up an ambush!
=I’ve done some homework and edited my fanfic a bit [holy CRAP but editing helps make stuff coherent. But oh gad, I have 9 pages more to edit before getting back to Dudley’s birthday! ARRRRGH. But at least she’ll be back IC now!], and so I’m now ready to spork.=
Holly was understandably disturbed by this information.
“Fisher”: Like we were disturbed by the information about the Zabinis?
The three Gryffindors had long suspected her to be guilty of attacking her fellow students.
Katherine: She had no social tact, and so thought ripping off all their clothes was the height of seduction.
“Fisher”: *twitches*
This fact coupled with their actions toward Autumn,
Katherine: -and bore horrific illogical children.
Rutherford: *throws glasses onto table* I don’t want to see anything anymore.
where they had warned her away from Holly, and she had come to a rather startling conclusion. It seemed as though her friends were now looking for evidence against her,
Rutherford: Utter genius!
Katherine: You would think so.
Rutherford: *scowls*
and they were hoping that the other Slytherins knew something. They were simply waiting for the others to give it away, and Holly was afraid to the lengths they would go to find out.
Two days later, she had her answer.
“Fisher”: *facial muscle twitches* They were willing to be “initiated” into the Zabini family?
Rutherford: Sir, you’ve lost your mind, haven’t you?
“Fisher”: No, I’ll be fine as soon as I never see this story again.
Katherine: Only six more pages left. It will be -
“Fisher”: *gurgles* *drops to knees*
Katherine: Percival? Are you quite all right?
“Fisher”: Make it stop…
Guardian’s Song: …As long as fandom already refuses to accept that Ariana was just beaten to a pulp, I have a new theory on what the Muggle boys did to her! They forced her to read badfic, and it permanently broke her six-year-old mind and made her scared to death of the dreadful magic that could be used for Engorgement Charms, “Lubricantus”, and the most terrible plot device spell in existence, “Dono Viro Uterum!” [I give a uterus to the man, in pidgin Latin - i.e. Random MPreg Ahoy!] It all makes sense! 8D …Goodness knows her father here, a grown man who’s sired three children, seems to be having a breakdown. *pointed glare*
That evening, Holly and Draco were sitting in their otherwise-empty Common Room, the only Slytherins currently there.
Guardian’s Song: You know, I admit my writing is crap. But I can edit excess words, at least.
The few upper-years were off on their own, having a party in one of the dungeons.
Katherine: Childish innocence is so endearing. Considering the behavior of the Slytherins in this story so far, I’m sure it’s quite a “party”.
“Fisher”: *looks up eagerly* Are the upper-years of age, at least? Are they? Are they?
Rutherford: Probably. If they aren’t, you’re going to have a breakdown, aren’t you?
“Fisher”: Well, they’ve at least hit puberty, yes? *crazed giggle* It’s a step up when the underage children having orgies at least are pubescent… The moral decline in this fic… I must track down the author and give her justice… *wide, uncanny grin*
Katherine: *keeps an eye on him*
Blaise was in his dorm room, bathing *automatically* and wanking to his own authorially-given wonderfulness. Greg and Vincent GREGORY AND VINCENT OR GREG AND VINCE - make up your bloody MIND!, their only remaining year-mates, were Maker only knows where, doing Merlin only knows what.
“Fisher”: *hysterically* They’re having a little practice round of fisticuffs, that’s all! That’s all!
The blond Thank goodness, it’s not a random blonde. and the green-eyed girl were reading.
Holly was flipping through a book she had received for Christmas, one that was surprisingly from Luna. …Gee, it’s from the Ravenclaw, and in this fic, not even an unusual one. So of COURSE it’s shocking that it’s a book, instead of a plant, a snake, or a set of Quidditch gear. What an amazing twist! …Cru’, m’ tonz st’ck in m’ chee’. *attempts to detach it* It was a fascinating read, detailing the Founders of Hogwarts and the various legends and magical artefacts that were attributed to them.
Guardian’s Song: I’m going to pretend this is an IC book for Luna to give and say that it’s, uh, on par with my crack-theories about canon. Which is to say, it’s really amazing how the book’s author managed to come up with that conspiracy theory about Ravenclaw seeing her dead brother in Slytherin, which is why she collaborated with him until it became clear his disagreements with the other Founders could not be reconciled and he had to leave the school, and oh, did we mention Ravenclaw had a crush on Hufflepuff? And that Gryffindor was a wonderful man, verily a bastion of strength in the Light and goodness, but was more than a tad mentally unbalanced if you look beyond the legends? And… Yeah. By which I mean, it’s tied together with leaps of insight sillier than any of Harry’s in DH and just plain fanon. :P
It had an entire, albeit short, chapter discussing the Chamber of Secrets. Or rather, the text covered all the rumours, no matter how crazy and unfounded, that revolved around it.
Guardian’s Song: *blinks rapidly* Whaddya know, it IS a book Luna would give! My gad! ICness!
Additionally, the book mentioned the Lifestone, an interest of Holly’s since the ill-fated History lesson months earlier.
According to the text, the Lifestone was an artefact of Helga Hufflepuff’s and was created after the severe illness of her mother-in-law, Amia Hawthorne. The object was said to possess the ability to borrow life-energy and infuse it into others, prolonging their life.
Guardian’s Song: And funny, Suethor, you’re not the ONLY one who’s read the Sword and Sorceress anthologies. I distinctly remember THAT little artifact turning up in one of the short stories, lady. I think it might even have been in the VII to XVII range. (Anyone else know what I’m talking about? The Sword and Sorceress anthologies were compilations of short stories edited by Marion Zimmer Bradley, and basically all shared the theme of strong female protagonists in magical worlds. Wonderful things, and I can’t remember a SINGLE wanky story in all the books. The Lifestone was the central plot item to one of the short stories, but I can’t remember which…) So, smartass, don’t play cute about being inventive - especially as that ain’t no Hufflepuff artifact.
I admit she might have picked it up elsewhere, but sheesh. Why not the CUP? The CUP? BIG object in HBP and DH, and a Horcrux? Heck, I’m planning on using it if I EVER get to Second Year in the AU Girl!Harry fic I’m currently writing, but I’ll have the guts to admit that I based my depiction on it upon the Holy Grail, specifically in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
…The only reason I’m going on a rampage about this is that she doesn’t disclaim, and so mindless fanbrats might praise her for inventing it. Which mightily pisses me off, as it tarnishes the name of fanfiction authors who are inventive (see Lightning on the Wave, aka Good Writing Incarnate… and even the writer of The Black Heir, who, while obviously influenced by the Sacrifices Arc and not a great writer, can make up some crazy epic stuff). *grumbles*
Further, an apparent side-effect of the relic was that it could absorb the abilities and even the knowledge of others, I can’t remember if that was in the S&S story, but… maybe. though it was unclear as to the how well it did.
Rutherford: Pardon?
Katherine: Even you noticed that was gibberish. My.
Rutherford: Maybe it’s code…
Guardian’s Song: For “Hey, look, I apprenticed under Cassandra Claire, who apprenticed under Christopher Paolini, but she split from her master when he began to praise a little thing known as ‘copyediting’”.
There were several other abilities attributed to the object, but the reliability of the reports of those was somewhat sketchy.
Guardian’s Song: *throws up hands* LUNA! Of-frickin’-COURSE it’s got dubious reliability! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-NOOOOOOOOON ees a GOOOOOOOD theeeeeeeeeeeng~~~~~~~ (Remember, though, that “Ron had sent a book about the Canons, a team that Holly was beginning to loathe,” which is pretty much the most IC and honest thing I’ve seen in this entire fic - no, don’t tell me that’s a typo, Ronnie knows what he’s doing! *clings to Ron, the eternal bastion of sanity*)
*supposes it’s high time he got rabid fangirls like Harry, Malfoy, and Snape do* *still, attempts to detach rabid fangirl from his arm before she bites or drools on him* *wonders if he can ask Hermione if there’s a spell to get rabid fangirls off one’s arm*
.
Guardian’s Song: All right! Break over! It’s the weekend! BEGIN AGAIN!
“Fisher”: And the author still has not been brought to justice!
Guardian’s Song: Stop it, or I’ll force you to read The Black Heir in its entirety. You’re a Light wizard (inasmuch as there are Light wizards and witches), right? As a Light wizard, you’ll give yourself permanent brain damage banging your head against the wall. Same goes for you, “Rutherford” - except that you’ll also have to endure the joy of the Boy-Who-Lived making vigorous love to Voldemort. And dear Katherine Miller, did you know that apparently, Muggleborns can’t be Dark? Hooray.
Rutherford: …PLEASE tell me “making vigorous love” is a metaphor.
Guardian’s Song: With bondage! :D
Rutherford: …I’m blind.
Katherine: I suppose this is preferable.
“Fisher”: Is there prepubescent incest in that fic?! It can’t be worse!
Guardian’s Song: Sir, if you have any pride in the Light, The Black Heir will render you comatose. Take my word for it. *boots them back into fic*
It was with great sadness a day later that Holly and Blaise packed their school things.
Katherine: They knew they should have paid for a longer stay at the Zabini family’s brothel, but alas, they had not known at the beginning that it would be half so enjoyable.
“Fisher”: *grips her by the shoulders* That isn’t funny.
Katherine: If we mock the fic, perhaps we can ignore the content.
Dante had received an urgent owl not an hour earlier from his nephew. The health of his widowed sister had taken a dreadful turn, and the ten-year-old had not known who else to ask for help.
“Fisher”: (Dante’s nephew) With Mommy ill, who’s going to pleasure me?!
Katherine: And you, dear, are being a hypocrite.
“Fisher”: It stems from pain. *eyetwitch* There’s a reason why some of the mad laugh…
As a result, Dante, Eren, and the Zabini girls were travelling to Spain the next day to care for her.
“Fisher”: *opens mouth*
Guardian’s Song: Dude, remember, the stuff you see may actually be there. That’s what happened the last time.
“Fisher”: *mouth hangs open* *all color drains out of face*…I went to Gryffindor, I was a Gryffindor, I’m supposed to be brave, why do I just want to run…
Guardian’s Song: *spots a familiar figure* *pales* *chucks the chapters Shell Cottage and Gringotts (with certain passages highlighted) at the figure* There, that oughta hold him. >D
Katherine: At least this story isn’t doing irreparable harm to any of us.
“Fisher”: It isn’t?!
Rutherford: *is happily blind* Hear no evil, see no evil, do no evil, wait for Deus Ex Machina!
Guardian’s Song: *joins in with Katherine in smacking Rutherford upside the head* Oi! This isn’t the Katherine-and-“Fisher” show, y’know!
{mini-snip}
To say that Holly was extremely disappointed was an understatement, and as bad as she felt for Dante’s sister, the green-eyed girl couldn’t help but hate the woman’s timing.
Rutherford: Yeah, possible fatal illness is “[bad] timing”. *jaw drops* I’ve been self-absorbed in the past, but this - this is- yeah, a young Voldemort probably thought that about his mum dying in childbirth! *gapes*
Katherine: If she wasn’t a family friend, this wouldn’t be so terrible, but as is, I agree.
“Fisher”: She cut short the family orgies! She should be recognized as a hero and her name immortalized! *wide-eyed grin*
Katherine: …Dear?
“Fisher”: A martyr for the side of what is right instead of who is easy! *staggers around as if drunk* Caloo! Callay! Hooray!
Rutherford: …Instead of who - oh. …Sir, lie down.
“Fisher”: Why?! Break out the Firewhiskey! Then, after the party, we’ll honor Miss What’s-Her-Name’s sacrifice by attacking the rest of the Zabinis! *thrusts fist into air*
Katherine: *gently but firmly guides him into a seat* Breathe slowly. We still have several more pages.
“Fisher”: *giggles and whistles a merry tune*
The Slytherin had been having the time of her life,
“Fisher”: *muscle twitches in face* But had been, yes, it’s over now, the bad times have gone…
and now, she was leaving early.
*all three think simultaneously “Ah, well, at least she’s not coming early.”*
*all three keep silent*
“Fisher”: *looks into Rutherford’s eyes* …Funny about that, I was just thinking -
Katherine: *looks into Rutherford’s eyes for a bit longer* …As was -
Rutherford: Can’t a man have his privacy of mind around here?
Katherine: Oh, you can join the children in complaining about that. Except they’re too old for that now.
Rutherford: *scowls* Gits.
Not only that, but Blaise and she had not yet had the opportunity to research the summoning ritual for her parents.
Rutherford: Say, have you heard of the “Veil”?
Without Dante’s books, it seemed as though they wouldn’t be able to do it.
“Fisher”: Two lines without underage sexual intercourse! The Zabini aunt’s sacrifice has truly saved us all! *near-religious-ecstasy*
However, Blaise luckily had a solution to their problem PERIOD!
“Cheer up, mate,”
Rutherford: Ron?! Is that you?! Save us!
he told her as he helped her pack her things into her trunk. “We can research it during the summer. We’ll have more time then anyway. I know that we will miss Beltane,
Guardian’s Song: You know, the one time I saw that in a novel (a cheap supermarket-bookshelf-resident), it was the occasion of a great yearly orgy/ “fertility ritual”. That seems all too appropriate for this fic.
but we can do it on the next Samhain ALL HALLOWS’ EVE instead. Besides, it is more likely to work then.” He patted her back before tucking a book along the side of her trunk.
Holly nodded. “Thank you,” she whispered, {snip, not all her things will fit}
Holly blinked and opened her mouth. She then promptly shut it, making a neutral sound. She certainly could leave her things here, the Zabinis probably wouldn’t mind. Yet, it was different if Blaise did it. He lived here; it was his home. If she started permanently leaving her things here, it basically amounted to declaring that she had the right to do so.
Guardian’s Song: You see this? THIS is crappy OBHZF foreshadowing. It makes HBP seem subtle.
Another moment passed in silence, brown eyes studying her. He gazed at Holly, as if willing her to do as he suggested.
Katherine: She claims to be talented at Occulumency and Legilimency, yet maintains eye contact when someone may be attempting to compel her? *snorts* She would never last in Slytherin.
She was toying with the cover of some nameless book with a cover made of human skin, thinking it over.
The girl glanced at him. “Will your parents mind?”
Guardian’s Song: (Blaise) Of course not! We’re your perfect Pod-Family, designed to be your perfect hugbox!
The caramel-skinned boy didn’t even hesitate. “Not in the least.” He gave her a sheepish shrug. “They were actually the ones that brought it up to me. They wanted me to suggest it to you when I asked to stay for the summer again.”
“Summer?” she repeated.
He had referenced [nothing, apparently] when he had mentioned the summoning ritual, but the way he made it sound now… well, it seemed like his parents wanted her to spend the entire holiday with them.
“The entire time?”
“Fisher”: *stands up and draws wand* Not if I have any say in it!
Katherine: You don’t, so don’t make me Disarm you again.
“They would love it if you would,” Blaise responded happily. “I explained that you had to go to the Dursleys for a while first.” A dark scowl tugged at his lips at the mention of her relatives. “I didn’t say why,” he assured Holly, at her questioning sniff. “But they’re smart. I think that they’ll soon figure it out. They already know that the headmaster insists you return, even if you aren’t happy there.”
“Fisher”: (The Headmaster) Well, she may not be happy, but at least they’re family, so they’re less likely to get her pregnant before the age of thirteen.
Holly distractedly toyed with her unbound hair, which made Hermione’s hair look positively neat, turning back to look at her things. Her mind was whirling with the implications of what Blaise had said. Apparently, his family truly didn’t mind her intrusion into their various orifices - *dodges curses from “Fisher”*. The thought of actually being wanted,
“Fisher”: YOU should not be worrying about that until you’re well into puberty, young lady.
of having someone wish her presence, brought a genuine grin to her face.
Rutherford: Oi, now I’m envying her. *long-suffering sigh*
Katherine: Oh, stop pitying yourself. I’m envying anyone who doesn’t have to deal with a sulky, overgrown child.
Rutherford: I’m envying any version of myself that doesn’t have to deal with some version of Severus Snape, whether it’s female or not.
Katherine: I repeat my earlier statement.
More minutes passed, and it was just as Blaise was becoming increasingly nervous that she spoke.
Katherine: “Was becoming”. “Increasingly”. Argh.
“Sure,” Holly said finally, and she began to take things out of her trunk.
She now had to decide what to take and what to leave.
“Fisher”: That’s simple, she’ll take Blaise’s virginity, our sanities, and every Speshul object that she can fit into her case - and leave nothing canon behind.
Eren dropped them off at school the next morning.
Guardian’s Song: IZ HOGWARTS, IZ NOT PRIMARY SCHOOL.
She left after a hug and kiss to each of them, giving both firm instructions to write. {snip}
It was a very surprised Draco who spotted them as they entered the Common Room.
“Fisher”: (Draco) The - the trap didn’t WORK?! You’re still alive?! I mean… welcome! Good to see you again!
Katherine: No, this is how a Slytherin would do it.
(Draco) You’re still alive? I suppose I have to correct that. AVADA KEDAVRA!
Rutherford: Nah, his imitation was better.
Katherine: …I weep for my House.
The blond gave his condolences after they had explained before proceeding to tell them exactly they had missed at Hogwarts. Not much, but Greg and Vincent Gregory and Vincent OR Greg and Vince - use nicknames consistently. had had a strange experience with mysteriously appearing cakes after Christmas dinner. The floating deserts had been left outside the Great Hall,
Katherine: *raises eyebrows* Well, that’s an amazing piece of spellwork. I’m not sure even the Headmaster could perform such a feat.
Rutherford: And I thought the Twins’ bogs were impressive.
but the two boys had been sceptical about eating them, especially after they had noticed that Neville and Ron were lurking about.
Rutherford: …Neville? Lurk? …*shakes head*
Of course, that aside had led to other occurrence during the holiday: the bizarre behaviour of Hermione, Ron, and Neville. The Gryffindor trio had been prowling around the remaining Slytherins, not approaching them and merely watching.
Rutherford: That’s called “trying to see who’s using the students for target practice”.
It was as if the three were waiting for something.
Rutherford: As I recall, we were trying to find out who the Heir was, not trying to set up an ambush!
=I’ve done some homework and edited my fanfic a bit [holy CRAP but editing helps make stuff coherent. But oh gad, I have 9 pages more to edit before getting back to Dudley’s birthday! ARRRRGH. But at least she’ll be back IC now!], and so I’m now ready to spork.=
Holly was understandably disturbed by this information.
“Fisher”: Like we were disturbed by the information about the Zabinis?
The three Gryffindors had long suspected her to be guilty of attacking her fellow students.
Katherine: She had no social tact, and so thought ripping off all their clothes was the height of seduction.
“Fisher”: *twitches*
This fact coupled with their actions toward Autumn,
Katherine: -and bore horrific illogical children.
Rutherford: *throws glasses onto table* I don’t want to see anything anymore.
where they had warned her away from Holly, and she had come to a rather startling conclusion. It seemed as though her friends were now looking for evidence against her,
Rutherford: Utter genius!
Katherine: You would think so.
Rutherford: *scowls*
and they were hoping that the other Slytherins knew something. They were simply waiting for the others to give it away, and Holly was afraid to the lengths they would go to find out.
Two days later, she had her answer.
“Fisher”: *facial muscle twitches* They were willing to be “initiated” into the Zabini family?
Rutherford: Sir, you’ve lost your mind, haven’t you?
“Fisher”: No, I’ll be fine as soon as I never see this story again.
Katherine: Only six more pages left. It will be -
“Fisher”: *gurgles* *drops to knees*
Katherine: Percival? Are you quite all right?
“Fisher”: Make it stop…
Guardian’s Song: …As long as fandom already refuses to accept that Ariana was just beaten to a pulp, I have a new theory on what the Muggle boys did to her! They forced her to read badfic, and it permanently broke her six-year-old mind and made her scared to death of the dreadful magic that could be used for Engorgement Charms, “Lubricantus”, and the most terrible plot device spell in existence, “Dono Viro Uterum!” [I give a uterus to the man, in pidgin Latin - i.e. Random MPreg Ahoy!] It all makes sense! 8D …Goodness knows her father here, a grown man who’s sired three children, seems to be having a breakdown. *pointed glare*
That evening, Holly and Draco were sitting in their otherwise-empty Common Room, the only Slytherins currently there.
Guardian’s Song: You know, I admit my writing is crap. But I can edit excess words, at least.
The few upper-years were off on their own, having a party in one of the dungeons.
Katherine: Childish innocence is so endearing. Considering the behavior of the Slytherins in this story so far, I’m sure it’s quite a “party”.
“Fisher”: *looks up eagerly* Are the upper-years of age, at least? Are they? Are they?
Rutherford: Probably. If they aren’t, you’re going to have a breakdown, aren’t you?
“Fisher”: Well, they’ve at least hit puberty, yes? *crazed giggle* It’s a step up when the underage children having orgies at least are pubescent… The moral decline in this fic… I must track down the author and give her justice… *wide, uncanny grin*
Katherine: *keeps an eye on him*
Blaise was in his dorm room, bathing *automatically* and wanking to his own authorially-given wonderfulness. Greg and Vincent GREGORY AND VINCENT OR GREG AND VINCE - make up your bloody MIND!, their only remaining year-mates, were Maker only knows where, doing Merlin only knows what.
“Fisher”: *hysterically* They’re having a little practice round of fisticuffs, that’s all! That’s all!
The blond Thank goodness, it’s not a random blonde. and the green-eyed girl were reading.
Holly was flipping through a book she had received for Christmas, one that was surprisingly from Luna. …Gee, it’s from the Ravenclaw, and in this fic, not even an unusual one. So of COURSE it’s shocking that it’s a book, instead of a plant, a snake, or a set of Quidditch gear. What an amazing twist! …Cru’, m’ tonz st’ck in m’ chee’. *attempts to detach it* It was a fascinating read, detailing the Founders of Hogwarts and the various legends and magical artefacts that were attributed to them.
Guardian’s Song: I’m going to pretend this is an IC book for Luna to give and say that it’s, uh, on par with my crack-theories about canon. Which is to say, it’s really amazing how the book’s author managed to come up with that conspiracy theory about Ravenclaw seeing her dead brother in Slytherin, which is why she collaborated with him until it became clear his disagreements with the other Founders could not be reconciled and he had to leave the school, and oh, did we mention Ravenclaw had a crush on Hufflepuff? And that Gryffindor was a wonderful man, verily a bastion of strength in the Light and goodness, but was more than a tad mentally unbalanced if you look beyond the legends? And… Yeah. By which I mean, it’s tied together with leaps of insight sillier than any of Harry’s in DH and just plain fanon. :P
It had an entire, albeit short, chapter discussing the Chamber of Secrets. Or rather, the text covered all the rumours, no matter how crazy and unfounded, that revolved around it.
Guardian’s Song: *blinks rapidly* Whaddya know, it IS a book Luna would give! My gad! ICness!
Additionally, the book mentioned the Lifestone, an interest of Holly’s since the ill-fated History lesson months earlier.
According to the text, the Lifestone was an artefact of Helga Hufflepuff’s and was created after the severe illness of her mother-in-law, Amia Hawthorne. The object was said to possess the ability to borrow life-energy and infuse it into others, prolonging their life.
Guardian’s Song: And funny, Suethor, you’re not the ONLY one who’s read the Sword and Sorceress anthologies. I distinctly remember THAT little artifact turning up in one of the short stories, lady. I think it might even have been in the VII to XVII range. (Anyone else know what I’m talking about? The Sword and Sorceress anthologies were compilations of short stories edited by Marion Zimmer Bradley, and basically all shared the theme of strong female protagonists in magical worlds. Wonderful things, and I can’t remember a SINGLE wanky story in all the books. The Lifestone was the central plot item to one of the short stories, but I can’t remember which…) So, smartass, don’t play cute about being inventive - especially as that ain’t no Hufflepuff artifact.
I admit she might have picked it up elsewhere, but sheesh. Why not the CUP? The CUP? BIG object in HBP and DH, and a Horcrux? Heck, I’m planning on using it if I EVER get to Second Year in the AU Girl!Harry fic I’m currently writing, but I’ll have the guts to admit that I based my depiction on it upon the Holy Grail, specifically in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.
…The only reason I’m going on a rampage about this is that she doesn’t disclaim, and so mindless fanbrats might praise her for inventing it. Which mightily pisses me off, as it tarnishes the name of fanfiction authors who are inventive (see Lightning on the Wave, aka Good Writing Incarnate… and even the writer of The Black Heir, who, while obviously influenced by the Sacrifices Arc and not a great writer, can make up some crazy epic stuff). *grumbles*
Further, an apparent side-effect of the relic was that it could absorb the abilities and even the knowledge of others, I can’t remember if that was in the S&S story, but… maybe. though it was unclear as to the how well it did.
Rutherford: Pardon?
Katherine: Even you noticed that was gibberish. My.
Rutherford: Maybe it’s code…
Guardian’s Song: For “Hey, look, I apprenticed under Cassandra Claire, who apprenticed under Christopher Paolini, but she split from her master when he began to praise a little thing known as ‘copyediting’”.
There were several other abilities attributed to the object, but the reliability of the reports of those was somewhat sketchy.
Guardian’s Song: *throws up hands* LUNA! Of-frickin’-COURSE it’s got dubious reliability! CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-NOOOOOOOOON ees a GOOOOOOOD theeeeeeeeeeeng~~~~~~~ (Remember, though, that “Ron had sent a book about the Canons, a team that Holly was beginning to loathe,” which is pretty much the most IC and honest thing I’ve seen in this entire fic - no, don’t tell me that’s a typo, Ronnie knows what he’s doing! *clings to Ron, the eternal bastion of sanity*)
*supposes it’s high time he got rabid fangirls like Harry, Malfoy, and Snape do* *still, attempts to detach rabid fangirl from his arm before she bites or drools on him* *wonders if he can ask Hermione if there’s a spell to get rabid fangirls off one’s arm*
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