I really need to become a BNF so that I attention-whore in a way less harmful to my sanity.
In other words, welcome to Chapter 20 of Hogwarts Too Exposed. Dear gad, why don't I just write badfic? ...Oh, right, because I can't write beginnings worth ****.
Disclaimer: If someone offered to pay me a billion dollars for claiming ownership of this fic, I'd run away from the undercover FBI agent while screaming "ENTRAPMENT! ENTRAPMENT!" . -_-;;
==
~~~~~
Chapter Twenty
You Never Know What's Around the Corner
"Mum COMMA! it's time to have your picture taken," Caitlin shouted, as she took the camera off the mantelpiece and waited impatiently with Emily. "Don't worry about the photograph stealing your soul - we don't have any!"
"I don't believe I allowed you to let them talk me into this," Hermione proclaimed to Harry, her face blushing.
"Don't worry," Harmoanian!Harry said in utter seriousness, "you still look beautiful, even dressed as an emu."
"I don't understand why it embarrasses you so much," Harry asked, puzzled. "They're your daughters and they see you nude all the time. Why are these picture sessions so discomforting to you?"
Dear gad, AFTER the entire Bancroft Debacle, Neil has someone ask this?! What are all these idiots ON?!
"I don't think it's the pictures as much as the clinical observations," Hermione admitted with a sigh. "The girls and I are nude around each other all the time, so much so, that none of us really think about it any more. But when they take these pictures they really examine me, as if they are healers and I'm a patient. It's disconcerting to have them talk about how various parts of my body are changing as the baby develops."
...When even a SUE complains about objectification, DEAR GAD BUT THE FIC HAS PROBLEMS.
"It doesn't seem to bother you when I examine you with my "probe"," Harry said sweetly.
"That's extremely different," Hermione argued. "Your "probe" is so small and stays in for such a short time that, after we had sex for the first time, I tried to put a Band-Aid over my cooter afterwards because I mistook it for a flu shot in the vajayjay. do most of your scanning of my body with your hands and tongue. I become rather distracted."
"MUM! We're waiting," Emily bellowed with only one exclaimation mark.
Also - Emily is an ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD. She bellows?
"Watch," Hermione said as she led Harry into the room where the girls were eagerly waiting, along with Chris Hansen. He smiled at them and said, "Why don't you have a seat over there..."
"Its about time." Emily said tapping her foot impatiently.
Elbe: Oh, the punctuationanity! D:
"Look Caitlin! The brown area of her breast has increased even more since the last picture."
D8
Roy: Look on the bright side! It could be melanoma!
Guardian's Song: Wait, YOU'RE actually trying to de-dirtify a scene?
Roy: This fic destroys all libido. )8
Guardian's Song: ...O_o
"Your right!" Caitlin agreed. "Mum will that change back or will you always have huge brown circles around your nipples now?"
Elbe: I-it's a war zone... oh, these poor commas... and apostrophes... and my goodness, is that a "your" where a "you're" should be? D8 D8 D8 Richard, could you please get the stretchers? I... I haven't seen a massacre like this in a long time...
Richard: ...*disconcerted* I had no idea commas bled... *fetches stretchers*
Hermione glanced at Harry as if to say 'see what I mean'. "That brown area is referred to as the areola," Hermione said, trying to remain unruffled. "It sometimes grows extremely large during pregnancy, but usually returns to normal within a year of giving birth."
I somehow think Neil didn't research this out of the goodness of his heart.
Both girls nodded their heads. "Let's take the front view first," Caitlin suggested. "These shots should be labeled week twenty-three."
-of Neil's unbroken fapping streak.
"Caitlin, look!" Emily said sounding distressed.
Elbe: The commas are distressed. D8 *begins to load the victims onto stretchers and tend to the badly wounded*
"Perhaps you should increase your massages.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THESE "MASSAGES", YOU SICK - Mrs. Weasley? Oh. Sorry. 8);; *returns Capslock of Rage*
She seems to be getting some faint red streaks on her breasts and tummy."
Damn it, I got stretch marks from a GROWTH SPURT! They aren't the end-all and be-all of a woman's looks! Sheesh.
"Let me see," Caitlin said, trying to get a closer look.
Elbe: Look! The commas are reviving! 8D YES!
Richard: ... ... ...Why in the world are they staring at me?
Roy: For all you know, they've imprinted on you. :)
Richard: *freezes* *pales* *TWITCH* You -
Roy: *holds up hands* Not in the Twilight way, not in the Twilight way! The baby animals way! ...And I don't mean Reneesme Cullen! D:
Richard: ...*twitch* *twitch* *snarl*
"As long as they stay that faint, they shouldn't be a problem, but maybe I should add another night a week?" She looked at her Mum who had a defeated look on her face, but nodded yes.
So, Hermione's being pressured into this... HOW VERY WONDERFUL. And fucking HELL, I KNOW Neil's jacking off to the image of Caitlin massaging her reluctant "Mum"'s breasts and stomach, and I can't do anything but be violently ill. Sick... sick... bastard...
"Girls, I know you don't have classes tomorrow, but your mother and I both had a hard day and would like to get to bed early. Could you please finish up with the pictures?" Harry suggested.
Why does the overly rehearsed diction give me the feeling of a twisted roleplay? D: I swear...
FROM WIKIPEDIA:
"
Examples of activities sometimes used as part of child grooming
JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. CHECK.
"
So, Neil... What, pray tell, is your excuse for all this? And "they're naturists" is NOT A VALID EXCUSE.
Hermione gave Harry a wink, as if saying 'thank you' while the girls quickly finished
- Neil off -
...I am so, so sorry.
the profile shot and then replaced the camera on the mantelpiece. After they both kissed Harry and Hermione good night, they bounded off to their bedroom.
"Do you think they wanted us to go to bed so the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks could make love?" Caitlin asked as she slid into bed.
"I don't see why tonight should be any different than any other night," Emily answered. "I think its part of their going to bed ritual is a major one. You and I brush our teeth and take a pee as Neil whacks off frantically - yes, it was determined in a previous chapter that he has a fetish for little girls wetting themselves, so... before going to bed; they have sex, then brush their teeth and have a pee."
"Do you actually think they have sex every night?" Caitlin asked, astonished.
"I think it's a rarity when they don't," Emily answered. "Do you think either of us will ever find someone that will love us as much as they love each other?"
Because incessant sex = love, right?
D8 OH MERLIN, Neil's a spiritual relative of the writer of Little Miss Mary! Brain bleach, brain bleach!
"I hope so," Caitlin answered optimistically. "We have plenty of time. We're both rather young to worry about that."
"But how do you know when it's the right person?" Emily sighed. "I felt such a extraordinary connection with Tyler."
YOU'RE ELEVEN. The last time an eleven-year-old girl felt an 'extraordinary connection' with a boy in canon, he turned out to be a young Voldemort.
She buried her head in the pillow and started to cry.
Without a word, Caitlin slipped out of her bed and nestled herself against Emily. "Let me share the hurt," she said softly as she held Emily tightly. They feel FELL asleep in each other's arms.
I'm presuming they're both naked, since Neil says nothing to the contrary.
*retches* Mrs. - Mrs. Weasley? T-Thank you...
They're ELEVEN, you sick fuck! ELEVEN! ELEVEN! ELEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN...
*hands back Capslock of Rage to Mrs. Weasley and contemplates checking self into Saint Mango's*
* * * * * *
Saturday, February 12, 2005
{snip; Alex is up at 4 because the train leaves at 5. *chews on fingers* Taaaaaaaasty...}
"How in the world can you look so happy and beautiful at this hour?" he asked [Jamie].
Cuz... cuz she's a Suuuuuuue, thaaaaaa's why... hee hee hee... pretty lights... no sparklies, please, sparklies are baaaaaaad for yoooou... hee hee hee...
"Beauty, sir, is comparative and in the eye of the beholder," she answered, speaking as if she were a Sweeney Todd character. "I'm happy because were going to be spending the entire day together, just you and me."
"Together, yes, but for two boring train rides," Alex moaned.
G-get a private compartment, you cheap shits... Morrrrrrrons... *drools*
"Only boring if we allow them to be," Jamie said with a smile, "but we better get moving or we're going to miss the train." Jamie picked up a huge picnic basket and a small suitcase.
"What's all this?" Alex asked sleepily, as he took the large basket from Jamie and headed for the door to the common room.
CAPITALIZE, the Shift key is your FRIEND... your SPECIAL friend... 8D;;
{Lunch.}
* * * * * *
*has lucid moment* ...Mrs. Weasley? Thank you. I WILL NOT SPORK THIS NEXT BIT. I CANNOT SPORK THIS NEXT BIT. YOU NEED TO SEE IT ALL FOR THE FULL EFFECT. I - I - NO, JUST NO. JUST NO.
Nature's call woke Emily before Caitlin, but ahead of quietly slipping out of her sister's arms, she gently kissed her cheek. I hope we are always there for each other.
After a relieving pee, Emily brushed her teeth, showered and then returned to the bedroom where she started gently tickling Caitlin until she awoke.
"It's a shame you're not a boy," Caitlin sighed playfully. "I'd really like to finish the dream I was just having."
"Sorry to disappoint you," Emily said, as she laughed and grabbed at her own crotch. "I seem to be missing some necessary equipment, besides we have to get a move on. After breakfast we're off on an adventure to Hogsmeade."
{snip}
I... I... WHERE TO START?!
The, uh, rather 'morning-after'-between-troo-wubbers feel to the first paragraph? The "gentl[e] tickling" awake? (Good heavens, I can SEE Neil's spooge stains on that.) The... the... dude, WHAT'S UP with the "It's a shame you're not a boy" line? Was she having some sort of sex fantasy about boy!Emily? (HELP HELP BAD TOUCH) I mean... D8 And the eleven-year-old grabbing at her own crotch...
I...
I...
...I can't take this anymore. It's bound to drive anyone sane insane in a matter of chapters.
..So, I shall hand it off to someone ALREADY insane! :D Meet your new Spork Captain! G'bye! I'm off to the fun, relaxing land of HOMEWORK! 8D
Ariana Dumbledore: ...Who are all of you, and why are you staring at me? 8(
* * * * * *
"Breakfast is served, or do you intend to snooze the entire trip away? Jamie asked.
Ariana: Jamie asked what? And who's talking? o_o
"What smells so good?" Alex asked as he rubbed his eyes and then sat up startled.
Ariana: But maybe Startled didn't want you to sit it up. You're pushy. Like Alby. 8(
"How in the world did you cook all that food in a train compartment?"
Ariana: Well, if the food goes boom, it gets all charred and messy and... how's it go boom? D-don't look at me, I'm not a freak, I'm NOT...
"I didn't," Jamie admitted. "I just used a heating charm on the breakfast items
Ariana: You flirted with the food until it got flushed and hot? O_o
Dobby packed for us. You were correct about the basket. He crammed all three meals in it for us.
Ariana: And the basket's the dessert, right? :D
I'm going to have to give him a big kiss when we get back to Hogwarts."
"If you're giving away kisses, I'd like a few," Alex said lovingly.
Ariana: Sounds greedy to me...
"I think I can manage that. How about one now and then a bunch after breakfast?" Jamie teased.
"I'm not sure if I can stop after just one," Alex said, as he took Jamie in his arms. "Your kisses are like potato chips. I can't end at just one."
Ariana: Potato chip?
*bag of potato chips appear*
Ariana: Oh. *eats one* ...*ends at just one* 8)
"Then we just won't stop."
* * * * * *
"But what if Mum and Dad don't leave our quarters?
Ariana: Then you move on to begging them to leave your halves.
How will you get the map and cloak out of the desk without them noticing?"
Ariana: You drop the desk out the window. Then, the desk will be all broken up and they'll be distracted, so you could take the map and cloaky-thing out of the desk without them noticing. :D Watch out for splinters, though. There'll be splinters. 8|
Caitlin asked as she and Emily hurried toward breakfast in the Great Hall.
"That, dear sister is the difference between the Gryffindor and the Slytherin mind," Emily answered smugly.
Ariana: The dear sister is the difference between the Gryffindor and Slytherin mind? O_o
"Gryffindors bravely run off to battle without a clue as to how they are going to defeat the enemy.
Ariana: *absently* But it's simple. You just hit it until it doesn't bother you anymore.
Slytherins think and make plans
Ariana: - and then do, eh, things on the bed that "you're too young to see, Ariana"? (Dunno what Alby's talking about. I can see what he and Gelly are doing just fine. I don't need glasses. o_o)
before taking action."
"Forgive me for doubting your wisdom, Oh Great Slytherin," Caitlin said mockingly.
Ariana: Was Alby adopted? He doesn't like us much... it sounds like he'd like this family better. Except isn't he in Gryffindor?
Albus: *not paying attention to her* Naturally. Wretched Hat, constantly threatening to eat itself if I went into neither Slytherin nor Ravenclaw. Well, I showed it which of the two of us had the superior willpower... And what of it that the thing tried to gnaw on itself a bit afterwards? It's terribly neurotic, that should be obvious to all... Don't understand why we still use the thing... Tradition, Headmaster Black says, wouldn't consider any of my suggestions, not even the one about to turning it from that ancient, filthy, drab brownish-grey to a more invigorating, exciting purple, and he wonders why he's the least popular Headmaster in Hogwarts history... Hidebound old Purebloods...
"Will you share your great and evil plan with me or is it necessary to keep the lowly Gryffindor in the dark?"
Ariana: :B *grabs sheet off bed, so as to properly mimick that sweeping-garment look* *begins to pace* 'Indeed, for I am afraid you are simply incapable of comprehending the scope and grandeur of my plans... pity... Alas, it must always be the burden of the great, to endure misunderstanding and scorn from their lessers...'
Albus: Ariana, what are you going on about? Stop that. You'll get the sheet dirty.
Ariana: *attempts to twinkle; ends up merely crossing her eyes* 'To endure their - stop that you ANIMALS these are EXPENSIVE robes I'll have you know they are NOT pretty snacks - unjust persecution, to suffer them despite all impulses to the contrary, to-'
Albus: Aberforth? She's babbling on about something. You tend to her. Merlin knows, it's the only task you're reasonably competent at.
Aberforth: Why haven't I figured a way to kick you out of the house along with your friend Grindelwald yet? *enters* What is it?
Ariana: *still sweeping around the room, using the bedsheet as a cape* 'And despite their ludicrous dimness, one must make do, alas... After all, one cannot expect them to do any better... They are so terribly shallow and concerned with unimportant matters - do I have split ends? Oh dear... perhaps combing my hair five times a day is overdoing it... Where was I? Ah, yes...'
Aberforth: ...*looks at Albus* You don't get what she's doing?
Albus: Why would I? She's blithering on without any rhyme or reason.
Aberforth: ...You really don't get what she's doing.
Albus: Perhaps this makes sense to you, Aberforth, but I don't spend my time obsessing over -
Aberforth: - your split ends?
Albus: What? No, I don't obsess! Grooming is important!
Aberforth: ...*FACEPALM* And she's the simple one in this family. Right.
"Nah! I'll tell you," Emily said with a giggle. "I imagine you can be trusted. I already moved the map and cloak to our room and hid them in my closet.
Ariana: *opens closet door*
Remus: I'M REALLY NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, NYMPHADORA - Oh. Sorry. You're not Tonks, are you. ...Are you? 8(
Sirius: *hastily hides mementos of James* I'm a womanizer, I tell you!
DT!Draco and DT!Harry: Has Cassie Claire called off her self-inserts yet? We're running off to Tahiti together.
Elphias Doge: Don't tell Miss Rowling I'm in here - she thinks Albus is celibate, you see -
Harry: Have I mentioned Tom Riddle is handsome?
Ariana: ...*closes closet door* O_o
Kim will join us after breakfast, and we'll decide which tunnel to use."
The anterior or posterior one?
* * * * * *
"That was a delicious breakfast," Alex said, looking longingly at Jamie. "I know one doesn't normally have dessert with breakfast, but I could certainly go for one of your delicious kisses about now."
"I can do better than a kiss," Jamie said naughtily as she drew the window covers and did a locking charm on the compartment door.
Ariana: She flirted with it until it shut? ...Is that "rejection"?
"I thought perhaps we could practice a little for Monday night. You know, not the main feature, but the preliminaries."
"Then we're really going to join at last?" Alex asked, his faith in miracles restored.
Ariana: Join who?
"Can you think of a better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than giving ourselves to each other?" Jamie asked, her eyes glistening.
Ariana: Giving goat feed to each other? :)
"I love you Alex. I can't imagine my life without you by my side."
Ariana: Oh, like me and Abby? :D
Gellert: Really? I alvays thought his tastes ran more to goats...
Ariana: Oh, them too! :D
Gellert: ...>_o Really.
Aberforth: What are you harassing her about now, Grindelwald?
Gellert: ...*shakes head slowly* I vill now forget I ever had this conversation, I vill now forget I ever had this conversation...
"Nor I," Alex agreed, as he pulled Jamie tightly against him, their lips first lightly touching and then devouring each other.
Ariana: D:
Jamie whispered softly in Alex's ear. "I have a surprise for you. Undo my robes."
He didn't question her, but did as instructed and then froze
Ariana: No, silly, he told you to undo HER robes, not yours. d: Silly.
as the robes dropped to the floor revealing her luscious naked form.
Ariana: Dessert is served?
* * * * * *
{Ariana: And then they talked about tunnels and showers and things.}
* * * * * *
"Alex, you have no idea what you do to me," Jamie sighed contentedly, as she stared at him mesmerized.
Ariana: (Alex) *mesmerized* o_o
"Now its
Ariana: Its what?
my turn to make you feel good."
Ariana: You're going to give him a goat? :D
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Alex said concernedly, his faced
Ariana: His what faced?
flushed. "Doing you has me highly aroused.
Ariana: Huh? ...Um, I'm glad you're wide awake... isn't that it? o_o
I'm afraid that as soon as your lips touch my....
Ariana: 'Touch your'... what? AND HOW CAN HER LIPS TOUCH ANYTHING? YOU DEVOURED THEM! D8
Well, I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold back."
Ariana: Go to the privy, for goodness' sakes, then! D:
"Then don't," Jamie said empathically. "That will be something we've never tried."
"Are you sure?" Alex asked, a look of surprise covering his face.
"Honestly no, but I want us to try every way possible to give pleasure to each other. I'll never know if I can do it if I don't try."
Ariana: ...Feeding goats, you mean? o_o
Disclaimer: If someone offered to pay me a billion dollars for claiming ownership of this fic, I'd run away from the undercover FBI agent while screaming "ENTRAPMENT! ENTRAPMENT!" . -_-;;
==
~~~~~
Chapter Twenty
You Never Know What's Around the Corner
"Mum COMMA! it's time to have your picture taken," Caitlin shouted, as she took the camera off the mantelpiece and waited impatiently with Emily. "Don't worry about the photograph stealing your soul - we don't have any!"
"I don't believe I allowed you to let them talk me into this," Hermione proclaimed to Harry, her face blushing.
"Don't worry," Harmoanian!Harry said in utter seriousness, "you still look beautiful, even dressed as an emu."
"I don't understand why it embarrasses you so much," Harry asked, puzzled. "They're your daughters and they see you nude all the time. Why are these picture sessions so discomforting to you?"
Dear gad, AFTER the entire Bancroft Debacle, Neil has someone ask this?! What are all these idiots ON?!
"I don't think it's the pictures as much as the clinical observations," Hermione admitted with a sigh. "The girls and I are nude around each other all the time, so much so, that none of us really think about it any more. But when they take these pictures they really examine me, as if they are healers and I'm a patient. It's disconcerting to have them talk about how various parts of my body are changing as the baby develops."
...When even a SUE complains about objectification, DEAR GAD BUT THE FIC HAS PROBLEMS.
"It doesn't seem to bother you when I examine you with my "probe"," Harry said sweetly.
"That's extremely different," Hermione argued. "Your "probe" is so small and stays in for such a short time that, after we had sex for the first time, I tried to put a Band-Aid over my cooter afterwards because I mistook it for a flu shot in the vajayjay. do most of your scanning of my body with your hands and tongue. I become rather distracted."
"MUM! We're waiting," Emily bellowed with only one exclaimation mark.
Also - Emily is an ELEVEN-YEAR-OLD. She bellows?
"Watch," Hermione said as she led Harry into the room where the girls were eagerly waiting, along with Chris Hansen. He smiled at them and said, "Why don't you have a seat over there..."
"Its about time." Emily said tapping her foot impatiently.
Elbe: Oh, the punctuationanity! D:
"Look Caitlin! The brown area of her breast has increased even more since the last picture."
D8
Roy: Look on the bright side! It could be melanoma!
Guardian's Song: Wait, YOU'RE actually trying to de-dirtify a scene?
Roy: This fic destroys all libido. )8
Guardian's Song: ...O_o
"Your right!" Caitlin agreed. "Mum will that change back or will you always have huge brown circles around your nipples now?"
Elbe: I-it's a war zone... oh, these poor commas... and apostrophes... and my goodness, is that a "your" where a "you're" should be? D8 D8 D8 Richard, could you please get the stretchers? I... I haven't seen a massacre like this in a long time...
Richard: ...*disconcerted* I had no idea commas bled... *fetches stretchers*
Hermione glanced at Harry as if to say 'see what I mean'. "That brown area is referred to as the areola," Hermione said, trying to remain unruffled. "It sometimes grows extremely large during pregnancy, but usually returns to normal within a year of giving birth."
I somehow think Neil didn't research this out of the goodness of his heart.
Both girls nodded their heads. "Let's take the front view first," Caitlin suggested. "These shots should be labeled week twenty-three."
-of Neil's unbroken fapping streak.
"Caitlin, look!" Emily said sounding distressed.
Elbe: The commas are distressed. D8 *begins to load the victims onto stretchers and tend to the badly wounded*
"Perhaps you should increase your massages.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THESE "MASSAGES", YOU SICK - Mrs. Weasley? Oh. Sorry. 8);; *returns Capslock of Rage*
She seems to be getting some faint red streaks on her breasts and tummy."
Damn it, I got stretch marks from a GROWTH SPURT! They aren't the end-all and be-all of a woman's looks! Sheesh.
"Let me see," Caitlin said, trying to get a closer look.
Elbe: Look! The commas are reviving! 8D YES!
Richard: ... ... ...Why in the world are they staring at me?
Roy: For all you know, they've imprinted on you. :)
Richard: *freezes* *pales* *TWITCH* You -
Roy: *holds up hands* Not in the Twilight way, not in the Twilight way! The baby animals way! ...And I don't mean Reneesme Cullen! D:
Richard: ...*twitch* *twitch* *snarl*
"As long as they stay that faint, they shouldn't be a problem, but maybe I should add another night a week?" She looked at her Mum who had a defeated look on her face, but nodded yes.
So, Hermione's being pressured into this... HOW VERY WONDERFUL. And fucking HELL, I KNOW Neil's jacking off to the image of Caitlin massaging her reluctant "Mum"'s breasts and stomach, and I can't do anything but be violently ill. Sick... sick... bastard...
"Girls, I know you don't have classes tomorrow, but your mother and I both had a hard day and would like to get to bed early. Could you please finish up with the pictures?" Harry suggested.
Why does the overly rehearsed diction give me the feeling of a twisted roleplay? D: I swear...
FROM WIKIPEDIA:
"
Examples of activities sometimes used as part of child grooming
- Taking an undue interest in someone's child (having a "special" friend)
- Giving gifts or money to the child for no apparent reason
- Showing pornography to the child (illegal in many jurisdictions)
- Talking about sexual topics that are not age-appropriate
- Invading the child's privacy (e.g. walking in on him/her in the bathroom)
- Hugging, kissing, or other physical contact even when the child wants this attention
- Allowing the child to get away with inappropriate behavior
- Talking to the child about problems that would normally be discussed between adults (e.g. marital problems)[2][1]
- Becoming good friends with the child's parents in order to gain easy access to their child (e.g. Babysitting)
- Inviting the child over for sleep overs or sleeping in the same room or bed with someone else's child that wouldn't normally be done between an adult and the child.
JAJAJAJAJAJAJA. CHECK.
"
So, Neil... What, pray tell, is your excuse for all this? And "they're naturists" is NOT A VALID EXCUSE.
Hermione gave Harry a wink, as if saying 'thank you' while the girls quickly finished
- Neil off -
...I am so, so sorry.
the profile shot and then replaced the camera on the mantelpiece. After they both kissed Harry and Hermione good night, they bounded off to their bedroom.
"Do you think they wanted us to go to bed so the Crumple-Horned Snorkacks could make love?" Caitlin asked as she slid into bed.
"I don't see why tonight should be any different than any other night," Emily answered. "I think its part of their going to bed ritual is a major one. You and I brush our teeth and take a pee as Neil whacks off frantically - yes, it was determined in a previous chapter that he has a fetish for little girls wetting themselves, so... before going to bed; they have sex, then brush their teeth and have a pee."
"Do you actually think they have sex every night?" Caitlin asked, astonished.
"I think it's a rarity when they don't," Emily answered. "Do you think either of us will ever find someone that will love us as much as they love each other?"
Because incessant sex = love, right?
D8 OH MERLIN, Neil's a spiritual relative of the writer of Little Miss Mary! Brain bleach, brain bleach!
"I hope so," Caitlin answered optimistically. "We have plenty of time. We're both rather young to worry about that."
"But how do you know when it's the right person?" Emily sighed. "I felt such a extraordinary connection with Tyler."
YOU'RE ELEVEN. The last time an eleven-year-old girl felt an 'extraordinary connection' with a boy in canon, he turned out to be a young Voldemort.
She buried her head in the pillow and started to cry.
Without a word, Caitlin slipped out of her bed and nestled herself against Emily. "Let me share the hurt," she said softly as she held Emily tightly. They feel FELL asleep in each other's arms.
I'm presuming they're both naked, since Neil says nothing to the contrary.
*retches* Mrs. - Mrs. Weasley? T-Thank you...
They're ELEVEN, you sick fuck! ELEVEN! ELEVEN! ELEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEENNNNN...
*hands back Capslock of Rage to Mrs. Weasley and contemplates checking self into Saint Mango's*
* * * * * *
Saturday, February 12, 2005
{snip; Alex is up at 4 because the train leaves at 5. *chews on fingers* Taaaaaaaasty...}
"How in the world can you look so happy and beautiful at this hour?" he asked [Jamie].
Cuz... cuz she's a Suuuuuuue, thaaaaaa's why... hee hee hee... pretty lights... no sparklies, please, sparklies are baaaaaaad for yoooou... hee hee hee...
"Beauty, sir, is comparative and in the eye of the beholder," she answered, speaking as if she were a Sweeney Todd character. "I'm happy because were going to be spending the entire day together, just you and me."
"Together, yes, but for two boring train rides," Alex moaned.
G-get a private compartment, you cheap shits... Morrrrrrrons... *drools*
"Only boring if we allow them to be," Jamie said with a smile, "but we better get moving or we're going to miss the train." Jamie picked up a huge picnic basket and a small suitcase.
"What's all this?" Alex asked sleepily, as he took the large basket from Jamie and headed for the door to the common room.
CAPITALIZE, the Shift key is your FRIEND... your SPECIAL friend... 8D;;
{Lunch.}
* * * * * *
*has lucid moment* ...Mrs. Weasley? Thank you. I WILL NOT SPORK THIS NEXT BIT. I CANNOT SPORK THIS NEXT BIT. YOU NEED TO SEE IT ALL FOR THE FULL EFFECT. I - I - NO, JUST NO. JUST NO.
Nature's call woke Emily before Caitlin, but ahead of quietly slipping out of her sister's arms, she gently kissed her cheek. I hope we are always there for each other.
After a relieving pee, Emily brushed her teeth, showered and then returned to the bedroom where she started gently tickling Caitlin until she awoke.
"It's a shame you're not a boy," Caitlin sighed playfully. "I'd really like to finish the dream I was just having."
"Sorry to disappoint you," Emily said, as she laughed and grabbed at her own crotch. "I seem to be missing some necessary equipment, besides we have to get a move on. After breakfast we're off on an adventure to Hogsmeade."
{snip}
I... I... WHERE TO START?!
The, uh, rather 'morning-after'-between-troo-wubbers feel to the first paragraph? The "gentl[e] tickling" awake? (Good heavens, I can SEE Neil's spooge stains on that.) The... the... dude, WHAT'S UP with the "It's a shame you're not a boy" line? Was she having some sort of sex fantasy about boy!Emily? (HELP HELP BAD TOUCH) I mean... D8 And the eleven-year-old grabbing at her own crotch...
I...
I...
...I can't take this anymore. It's bound to drive anyone sane insane in a matter of chapters.
..So, I shall hand it off to someone ALREADY insane! :D Meet your new Spork Captain! G'bye! I'm off to the fun, relaxing land of HOMEWORK! 8D
Ariana Dumbledore: ...Who are all of you, and why are you staring at me? 8(
* * * * * *
"Breakfast is served, or do you intend to snooze the entire trip away? Jamie asked.
Ariana: Jamie asked what? And who's talking? o_o
"What smells so good?" Alex asked as he rubbed his eyes and then sat up startled.
Ariana: But maybe Startled didn't want you to sit it up. You're pushy. Like Alby. 8(
"How in the world did you cook all that food in a train compartment?"
Ariana: Well, if the food goes boom, it gets all charred and messy and... how's it go boom? D-don't look at me, I'm not a freak, I'm NOT...
"I didn't," Jamie admitted. "I just used a heating charm on the breakfast items
Ariana: You flirted with the food until it got flushed and hot? O_o
Dobby packed for us. You were correct about the basket. He crammed all three meals in it for us.
Ariana: And the basket's the dessert, right? :D
I'm going to have to give him a big kiss when we get back to Hogwarts."
"If you're giving away kisses, I'd like a few," Alex said lovingly.
Ariana: Sounds greedy to me...
"I think I can manage that. How about one now and then a bunch after breakfast?" Jamie teased.
"I'm not sure if I can stop after just one," Alex said, as he took Jamie in his arms. "Your kisses are like potato chips. I can't end at just one."
Ariana: Potato chip?
*bag of potato chips appear*
Ariana: Oh. *eats one* ...*ends at just one* 8)
"Then we just won't stop."
* * * * * *
"But what if Mum and Dad don't leave our quarters?
Ariana: Then you move on to begging them to leave your halves.
How will you get the map and cloak out of the desk without them noticing?"
Ariana: You drop the desk out the window. Then, the desk will be all broken up and they'll be distracted, so you could take the map and cloaky-thing out of the desk without them noticing. :D Watch out for splinters, though. There'll be splinters. 8|
Caitlin asked as she and Emily hurried toward breakfast in the Great Hall.
"That, dear sister is the difference between the Gryffindor and the Slytherin mind," Emily answered smugly.
Ariana: The dear sister is the difference between the Gryffindor and Slytherin mind? O_o
"Gryffindors bravely run off to battle without a clue as to how they are going to defeat the enemy.
Ariana: *absently* But it's simple. You just hit it until it doesn't bother you anymore.
Slytherins think and make plans
Ariana: - and then do, eh, things on the bed that "you're too young to see, Ariana"? (Dunno what Alby's talking about. I can see what he and Gelly are doing just fine. I don't need glasses. o_o)
before taking action."
"Forgive me for doubting your wisdom, Oh Great Slytherin," Caitlin said mockingly.
Ariana: Was Alby adopted? He doesn't like us much... it sounds like he'd like this family better. Except isn't he in Gryffindor?
Albus: *not paying attention to her* Naturally. Wretched Hat, constantly threatening to eat itself if I went into neither Slytherin nor Ravenclaw. Well, I showed it which of the two of us had the superior willpower... And what of it that the thing tried to gnaw on itself a bit afterwards? It's terribly neurotic, that should be obvious to all... Don't understand why we still use the thing... Tradition, Headmaster Black says, wouldn't consider any of my suggestions, not even the one about to turning it from that ancient, filthy, drab brownish-grey to a more invigorating, exciting purple, and he wonders why he's the least popular Headmaster in Hogwarts history... Hidebound old Purebloods...
"Will you share your great and evil plan with me or is it necessary to keep the lowly Gryffindor in the dark?"
Ariana: :B *grabs sheet off bed, so as to properly mimick that sweeping-garment look* *begins to pace* 'Indeed, for I am afraid you are simply incapable of comprehending the scope and grandeur of my plans... pity... Alas, it must always be the burden of the great, to endure misunderstanding and scorn from their lessers...'
Albus: Ariana, what are you going on about? Stop that. You'll get the sheet dirty.
Ariana: *attempts to twinkle; ends up merely crossing her eyes* 'To endure their - stop that you ANIMALS these are EXPENSIVE robes I'll have you know they are NOT pretty snacks - unjust persecution, to suffer them despite all impulses to the contrary, to-'
Albus: Aberforth? She's babbling on about something. You tend to her. Merlin knows, it's the only task you're reasonably competent at.
Aberforth: Why haven't I figured a way to kick you out of the house along with your friend Grindelwald yet? *enters* What is it?
Ariana: *still sweeping around the room, using the bedsheet as a cape* 'And despite their ludicrous dimness, one must make do, alas... After all, one cannot expect them to do any better... They are so terribly shallow and concerned with unimportant matters - do I have split ends? Oh dear... perhaps combing my hair five times a day is overdoing it... Where was I? Ah, yes...'
Aberforth: ...*looks at Albus* You don't get what she's doing?
Albus: Why would I? She's blithering on without any rhyme or reason.
Aberforth: ...You really don't get what she's doing.
Albus: Perhaps this makes sense to you, Aberforth, but I don't spend my time obsessing over -
Aberforth: - your split ends?
Albus: What? No, I don't obsess! Grooming is important!
Aberforth: ...*FACEPALM* And she's the simple one in this family. Right.
"Nah! I'll tell you," Emily said with a giggle. "I imagine you can be trusted. I already moved the map and cloak to our room and hid them in my closet.
Ariana: *opens closet door*
Remus: I'M REALLY NOT INTERESTED IN YOU, NYMPHADORA - Oh. Sorry. You're not Tonks, are you. ...Are you? 8(
Sirius: *hastily hides mementos of James* I'm a womanizer, I tell you!
DT!Draco and DT!Harry: Has Cassie Claire called off her self-inserts yet? We're running off to Tahiti together.
Elphias Doge: Don't tell Miss Rowling I'm in here - she thinks Albus is celibate, you see -
Harry: Have I mentioned Tom Riddle is handsome?
Ariana: ...*closes closet door* O_o
Kim will join us after breakfast, and we'll decide which tunnel to use."
The anterior or posterior one?
* * * * * *
"That was a delicious breakfast," Alex said, looking longingly at Jamie. "I know one doesn't normally have dessert with breakfast, but I could certainly go for one of your delicious kisses about now."
"I can do better than a kiss," Jamie said naughtily as she drew the window covers and did a locking charm on the compartment door.
Ariana: She flirted with it until it shut? ...Is that "rejection"?
"I thought perhaps we could practice a little for Monday night. You know, not the main feature, but the preliminaries."
"Then we're really going to join at last?" Alex asked, his faith in miracles restored.
Ariana: Join who?
"Can you think of a better way to celebrate Valentine's Day than giving ourselves to each other?" Jamie asked, her eyes glistening.
Ariana: Giving goat feed to each other? :)
"I love you Alex. I can't imagine my life without you by my side."
Ariana: Oh, like me and Abby? :D
Gellert: Really? I alvays thought his tastes ran more to goats...
Ariana: Oh, them too! :D
Gellert: ...>_o Really.
Aberforth: What are you harassing her about now, Grindelwald?
Gellert: ...*shakes head slowly* I vill now forget I ever had this conversation, I vill now forget I ever had this conversation...
"Nor I," Alex agreed, as he pulled Jamie tightly against him, their lips first lightly touching and then devouring each other.
Ariana: D:
Jamie whispered softly in Alex's ear. "I have a surprise for you. Undo my robes."
He didn't question her, but did as instructed and then froze
Ariana: No, silly, he told you to undo HER robes, not yours. d: Silly.
as the robes dropped to the floor revealing her luscious naked form.
Ariana: Dessert is served?
* * * * * *
{Ariana: And then they talked about tunnels and showers and things.}
* * * * * *
"Alex, you have no idea what you do to me," Jamie sighed contentedly, as she stared at him mesmerized.
Ariana: (Alex) *mesmerized* o_o
"Now its
Ariana: Its what?
my turn to make you feel good."
Ariana: You're going to give him a goat? :D
"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Alex said concernedly, his faced
Ariana: His what faced?
flushed. "Doing you has me highly aroused.
Ariana: Huh? ...Um, I'm glad you're wide awake... isn't that it? o_o
I'm afraid that as soon as your lips touch my....
Ariana: 'Touch your'... what? AND HOW CAN HER LIPS TOUCH ANYTHING? YOU DEVOURED THEM! D8
Well, I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold back."
Ariana: Go to the privy, for goodness' sakes, then! D:
"Then don't," Jamie said empathically. "That will be something we've never tried."
"Are you sure?" Alex asked, a look of surprise covering his face.
"Honestly no, but I want us to try every way possible to give pleasure to each other. I'll never know if I can do it if I don't try."
Ariana: ...Feeding goats, you mean? o_o