(no subject)
Okay, so... Eh. Someone needs to do an AU Grindeldore epic detailing their rise to power. Unfortunately, due to my allergy to history and politics, can't be me.
(...*snerk* In a private fantasy world of mine, perhaps the R-rating for DH will allow for... ahem... flashbacks. ...With the HP movies being the way they are, the director will probably end up throwing in ZOMG RAPE subtext for Ariana where there WAS none. *sigh*) IGNORE.
...And... erk. The writer of my favorite badfic (I have to see how eet endssssssss) was in a car crash, apparently. ...Well, explains why she hasn't been updating, and... I hope she gets better. Really. *sigh*
Okay, onto the spork.
* * * * * *
"Emily, did you get a good look at what Alex that Weasley was doing to Jamie Padraigin when we walked in the door?" Caitlin questioned, as the two girls lay in their beds talking, neither able or actually wanting to fall asleep.
Emily shuddered, and not in pleasure. "Do you think we're next?"
"We should have known when the Weasley refused to strip," Caitlin said, keeping her eyes peeled for the briefest flash of red hair. "Wretched creatures. I mean, one less competitor for attention, but..." She shook her head. "I don't know how they do it..."
"Not as good as I would have liked to have gotten," Emily admitted.
"Yeah!" Caitlin said, her voice sounding envious.
You filthy perverts. And I make jokes about Ariana being a voyeur. You two disgust ME.
"If I tell you something will you promise not to make fun of me?" Emily asked, hesitantly.
Elbe: Will it involve commas?
"Emily, you should know by now that I'd never make fun of you in a way that was hurtful. You're my sister and I love you," Caitlin declared.
By the way, I discovered when checking Hogwarts Underexposed (anyone got spare eyeball bleach?) that Caitlin is 15 when Emily is 13. In other words, she's one to two years older than Emily. This makes what's coming up next even WORSE.
"I love you, too," Emily said, as she bounded from her bed and gave Caitlin a hug before crawling into bed and nestling next to her sister. "You know how evil I am about making fun of boys and men when they get a stifee."
It's STIFFY.
Caitlin laughed. "You do have a nasty habit of making sure that no one within a mile radius misses it."
"Up until two years ago, I thought it just meant they had to go to the bathroom," Emily admitted, feeling rather na�ve and stupid. "I had no idea that it indicated that they were sexually aroused.
...I think Neil's expressing a fantasy here, and though I don't know what, I don't like it one bit.
I thought this," she touched herself between the legs,
I HATE YOU, NEIL.
"and penises were only different equipment men and women had for peeing. I had no idea a penis was used for sex and that they put it inside of a girl. Some men are really big; they'd never fit."
Tell Anita Blake that.
THE ARDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-
Aw, hell.
Caitlin shuddered, thinking about some of the rather large tools she had seen last summer on vacation.
Trying to argue for your small tool being better, Neil?
"I think that is one of the reasons we're not allowed to have sex until we are fifteen," Caitlin said. "We're too small down there,
That's what magic's for. :P More seriously, NO, NEIL, MOLESTATION AND STATUTORY RAPE LAWS ARE NOT FOR SIZE REASONS, you pervert. It's mostly INTELLECTUAL maturity reasons..
but I imagine we'd probably be able to handle boys our own age.
At this point, they're TWELVE AND ELEVEN! Thirteen, AT MOST! Thirteen-year-olds should NOT be having sex, gadDARNit! D8
They aren't nearly as big as full-grown men."
Oh, if we're talking about Neil, I think some thirteen-year-olds would be LARGER... >:P
"Caitlin, have you ever played with yourself?" Emily asked curiously. "You know, put your finger or anything else inside of you?"
Neil... Neil, you sick fuck, SHUT UP...
Caitlin visibly shook, remembering the ordeal she had been subjected to by Madam Hooch. And Neil visibly came all over the underside of his desk. "I used to," Caitlin admitted,
Neil, STOP TALKING ABOUT PREPUBESCENT GIRLS PLAYING WITH THEMSELVES.
"but ever since the attack, I just can't."
"I'm sorry," Emily said, quickly. "I forgot about the awful things that vicious woman did to you."
"I try not to think about it," Caitlin said. "Mum was amazed that I could even consider being a nudist after what had happened."
SO AM I. But Neil is a... *unable to find the words*
Emily nodded her head in agreement.
"I think everyone plays with themselves at one time or another," Caitlin said,
But they don't YAMMER ON about it. And don't forget the asexuals... and those who don't because it's against their religion... and...
trying to get off the subject of Hooch. "But I think it's sort of like tickling yourself. The results are so different when someone else does it.
Meeeeeeeeeh... That true? I dunno, but if you're doing it right, methinks you can live without the latter. :P
I had goose bumps all over when Matt touched and kissed my breasts."
TWELVE.
Caitlin leaned over and whispered in Emily's ear. "I know I'm too young to have actual sex, but I'd love to experience what Alex did to Jamie today. She looked like she was in seventh heaven."
Emily's 1-2 years younger. I think this counts as mild molestation.
"I know what you mean," Emily agreed. "From the expression on her face it must have been pure delight."
Emily laid back and thought for a while. "Caitlin, I love you. You've always been here to comfort me with Jamie's Mr. Strap-On. You helped me through the loss of my parents and most recently through my situation with Tyler. I'm not Matt, but I'm willing to do it if it means that much to you."
WHOA WHOA WHOA! WTF?!
Do these kids have some sort of nymphomania? O_o 'Oh, hey, ORAL SEX TIEMZ!!!' ...Dude, I can't even find the words... not that this is new.
"Do what?" Caitlin said lazily and then suddenly she realized what Emily meant. "But were both girls."
Neil's so excited, his punctuation is falling out.
Elbe: Is this so different from usual? :(
...No, now that you mention it.
"I know and don't get the idea I'm a lesbian because I'm not," Emily said empathically.
Gellert: Of course. Because orally pleasuring your best friend of the same sex has nothing to do vith - *moans* Yes, Albus, right there, yes, lick there again, YES - where was I? Oh yes. It has nothing *moans* to... ah... vat... oh, yes! Homosexuality. Right. Right. You're far too good at this, you shameless English bastard.
"I couldn't do it to anyone else, not even Kim or Jamie,
Fuckin' hell, I hope not. I sure hope Neil forgot Jamie was Emily's BIOLOGICAL SISTER and not Caitlin's, because otherwise... oi.
but for some reason, I know I can do it to you. Actually, I want to do it to you.
Gellert: Und vanting to lick your best friend's genitals still has nothing to do vith homosexuality, I'm s- AHALBUSYESYESYES!
Albus: *spits and smiles up at him* Excuse me, Gellert. Were you saying something?
Gellert: ...*lightly smacks him on the head*
I want to try to make you feel as good and as happy as Jamie looked."
"You're not kidding. You're serious, aren't you?" Caitlin asked in disbelief.
"I've never been more serious," Emily said, "but I swear if you ever tell anyone that I did this, I'll kill you."
"You won't have to worry about me saying anything," Caitlin promised, "because I'll only let you do it on one condition."
"What's the condition?" Emily asked suspiciously.
"You have to allow me to do it to you in return," Caitlin said, completely somber.
Eleven-and-twelve-year-olds, guys! He's CHEERFULLY writing about this!
Eleven-and-twelve-year-olds lying on a bed, almost certainly both naked, and chatting about oral-sexing each other up.
There is no way in heaven or earth that this could be anything BUT Neil's wank fantasy. There just isn't.
Where's the FBI when you need 'em?
"Do you mean it?" Emily asked, elatedly.
"I'm quite serious," Caitlin declared. "If you can do something like that to me, I'm going to do it to you as well. You should experience how it feels, too."
Albus: And this still has nothing to do with hom- *eyes cross* Uh... ah... What was I...
Gellert: *surfaces for air, smirking* Und this is called revenge, Alb-
Albus: Excuse me, I believe you were otherwise occupied! *attempts to get Gellert's head down again*
Gellert: Hah. And ven I said that, you called me a sex-crazed adolescent...
Albus: Well, it is a perfectly true statement! *still attempting to push Gellert's head downwards*
Emily and Caitlin nervously hugged each other. "I can't believe we're going to do this," Emily said nervously. "Who goes first?"
Albus: In my case? Elphias.
Gellert: Vell, I think that is your vay of saying 'I vish to be celibate for the next veek', ja?
Albus: Pardon me. I just gave you - ...Ah, so you'll be competing with Aberforth for the goats for the next week, then? I do wish you luck.
Gellert: ...Verdammt. I do need more practice in thinking things through.
Caitlin got on her knees and gave Emily a light kiss on the lips. "This was your idea," Caitlin said. "You were caring enough to volunteer to do this to make me feel good, so I think it's only fair I do it to you first."
Albus: *cough* And NOW -
Gellert: All right. Hmph. *goes back down*
Albus: *is much happier*
"Are you sure?" Emily asked, expectantly.
"No. Actually I think we're both crazy, but I honestly want to go through with it," Caitlin said.
"What do I have to do?" Emily asked.
"If the expression on Jamie's face was any indication, just lay there and enjoy yourself." Caitlin stared at Emily.
You know, Neil said he had to snip to satisfy Schnoogle (and thank GOD). I suspect here's a point where he cut out an explicit kiddie porn scene, because otherwise, it cuts out with Caitlin creepily staring at Emily.
Again, where's the FBI when you need 'em?
* * * * * *
"That was a relief," Harry said as Hermione nestled in his arms. "I'm not sure if I could have handled the knowledge that our saving Jamie had cost another life."
"I'm not certain that mortals should have the power to change time," Hermione said disquietingly. "Part of me feels I should destroy the time turner and replace it with a Time Turner, but I can't. If it hadn't been for that device, Jamie would be dead. Harry, that's three innocent lives we've saved."
Jamie and... who are the other two?!
"Innocent in different ways, but yes," Harry agreed. "I only hope that Jamie's stay on earth is a great deal longer than that of Sirius.
Don't defile the man's name by mentioning it in this fic, you bastard.
I used to lie in bed feeling sorry for myself because of the terrible childhood I had. Look at me now. I have every thing a man could desire except some sanity and morals. Sirius was the one that had a truly awful life.
Sirius: The afterlife's fine, though. Lots of women, James, and Lily's tied up being harassed by Snivellus, so James is almost always available... It's like my pre-Voldemort-War existence all over again! 8D *chugs down Butterbeer*
Firstly, coming from that horrible family of his, but then to be sent to Azkaban for all those years for a crime he didn't commit."
"Then spending years on the run, only to die at that evil woman's hands.
Sirius/Bellatrix Shippers: You do mean dying "the little death", right?
At least she finally got what she deserved," Hermione said.
At the hands of The Molly. Booyeah. :D
"Yes, but in many ways, death seemed too good for her," Harry responded.
Mob of Slytherfen: But death at the hands of Molly Weasley?
Molly: And you would like to argue with this? *raises wand*
"There simply is no proper way to make a person as evil as her atone for all the pain and suffering they have caused. In ways, she was more wicked than Voldemort himself."
...Um, Tommy was driving kids out of their minds at age eleven. Hello?
...Now, if you say Bellatrix was more COMPETENT than Voldemort, well... XD;;
"They're both gone," Hermione said. "Suppose I try to make you think of something more pleasant."
"Did you here a moaning sound?" Harry asked, sitting up with a start.
Richard: I don't know. Did you there a moaning sound, too?
"No," Hermione lied. "Maybe it was one of the ghosts."
"I don't think so," Harry said listening intently. "There it is again. That sounds like Caitlin. I better check on the girls and punctuation." He started to move to get up, but Hermione stopped him.
"Don't Harry,"
Is this a cousin of Can't Harry?
Hermione begged, "you'll embarrass them. I think they may be doing a little experimenting."
"Experimenting?" He said questioningly, with improper capitalization. "What do you mean?"
What you did when you realized that "monster" was located in your pants instead of your chest?
But before Hermione could answer, he realized exactly what she meant. He looked at Hermione as if panicHYPHENstricken. "But they're both girls.
...Wow. Not "they're PREPUBESCENT!" but "they're both girls". WOW.
Neil, has anyone suggested you're a TAD homophobic? Also pedophilic? Because wow, wow, wow, are you saying it would be fine if they were a het prepubescent -
...
...Oh, right, Matt and Caitlin. ...You SICK bastard. You sick, sick bastard.
I'll go make some noise in the living area so that they stop," he suggested.
"Leave them be, Harry. If either of us do what you suggest, it is likely to cause far more harm than good. They will probably try again somewhere outside our quarters where getting caught would be very detrimental. Trust me - they are alright." Hermione said, calmly.
Okay, by that logic, parents should let their kids smoke pot and do crack at home, because they might get arrested for doing it outside the home. Right?
"But they're only twelve!
You can't have two people being thirteen and fifteen in one fic and twelve and twelve before that, Neil. Simple maths.
Do you think they are lesbians?" Harry asked, dismayed at the thought.
*FACEPALM* Harry, gaddarn it, the issue is that they're SCREWING AT TWELVE, not whether they're GAY or not! (In my weird opinion, it's actually a bit better if they're gay, if they have to be screwing at this age at all. At least they won't have to worry about underage pregnancy... XD;;)
"Harry, I am no expert in adolescent psychology, but I have read some as Head of House. It is not uncommon for pre-teens to experiment. Often it is with a same-sex partner, but that has nothing to do with whether or not they will be homosexual as adults," Hermione proclaimed.
I think I have given my opinion on Hermione 'proclaiming' things in other HP-related postings. The short version is - SHUT UP, YOU WANKER! (I love Hermione, but... when she starts interpreting events, she acts like the canon incarnation of Red Hen. And I do not like Red Hen one bit.)
"Besides, we've discussed this before. I don't think they are lesbians and could ever possibly be 'in love' with each other,
Good. Effing. Grief. Hermione sounds like a Chick Tract, with the 'in love' in quotes. She also sounds like a parent in deep, deep denial.
"Oh, my stepdaughter is eating out my... uh... other stepdaughter, but they're not gay! Really! They just like the shaven pussy!"
but I do believe that they love each other a very great deal and would do anything for each other."
Fandom: RITE, BECUZ OMG ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS TEH ONLY GHEY MAN IN CNAON!!!!1!!1
Elphias: Uh... erm... indeed! Yes... I'm very heteros- OMG ALBUS SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *fangirlboyish flailing* AND ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS THE EMBODIMENT OF WIN AND AWESOME AND <33333333333333333 OH ALBUS! *FLAILFLAILFLAIL* ...*flushes* C-could none of you tell that very nice Lady Rowling about that? She - err- doesn't quite know I visit Albus on weekends... Thinks he's celibate...
Guardian's Song: (Erm, more seriously, man writes a worshipful obiturary for Albus Dumbledore, quite obviously was the man's biggest fan and best friend [in Hogwarts days, at least], and throws in a line about "our mutual attraction"... And fandom claims there's only one gay man in canon? :P)
"I know what you said," Harry answered with annoyance. "In school Ron and I were best friends, especially in bed. Dumbledore thought in year four that he would be the thing I would miss the most at night. And I did go to him first in the Triwizard tTournament for buttsex." Harry looked at Hermione quite seriously. "But there is no way in hell that I would ever consider sucking his cock.
Harry/Ron Shippers: That's what YOU think!
Guardian's Song: Yes, yes, Neil, you're SUCH a heterosexual pedophile manly man. Shut up.
Yet the girls are doing virtually the same think THING to each other and it doesn't even phase FAZE you."
"Well, that was the case for you and Ron. The girls, however, have an emotional intimacy that I don't think you two felt,
(Neil) Naturally! Ron was a filthy WEASLEY!
And you're a filthy pedo, so...
Anyway, yes, "emotional intimacy", add that to the list of euphemisms along with "our mutual attraction" and "got on like a cauldron on fire". Get on with it, Neil.
so after Emily started asking all of her questions about sex and oral sex after seeing Jamie and Alex, I knew that they might do this, regardless of anything I might say to dissuade them.
So.. you aren't even going to try to keep them from doing so. You're a REALLY responsible parent, HE!Hermione. Yeaaaaah.
Harry, even if they were lesbian or bi-sexual, I know you would not love them any less."
"No! Of course not."
And I'm a Crumple-Horned Snorkack, you lying fuck.
And note all the "if they were gay... but OF COURSE they're not!" rambling going on. Yes, yes, you're attempting to appear tolerant, but totally failing, Neil. So shut up. It would be slightly less embarrassing for you just to ADMIT to intolerance instead of pretending you're ZOMG A PARAGON OF TOLERANCE. *facepalm*
"Even so, I think that Caitlin and Emily will in time find love of both a mental and physical nature with someone of the opposite sex,
(HE!Hermione) I mean, how could it be otherwise? This is Sparkly Mormon Vampire Pedo-Land!
She really IS reminding me of Esme Cullen... 'Oh, how wonderful! Edward FINALLY got himself a girlfriend! I was worried there was something WRONG with him... um... if you know what I mean.' *FACEPALM* Oh, goodie, MORE reasons to hate HE! As if I needed more.
just like you and I have, but I think they will always have a special love between themselves. I think those girls would not only die for each other, but would also do anything else for the other, and I mean anything."
So, what DO you call a love where you're willing to do ANYTHING else for the other parent (actively including sex)? Harmoanians, apparently, have a seriously screwy definition of "platonic"... so, is Harmoanian!Harry gay? :P After all, his special love for Hermione doesn't mean he's heterosexual, apparently...
"I'm just going to have to trust you on this one," Harry said shaking is head.
"Do you remember the three of us back in first year? By the end of that year, we were willing to die for each other, yet we were hesitant to put a comforting arm around each other.
The British are repressed - what's your point?
Isn't it weird that we don't think twice about dieing, or, apparently, can't spell five-letter words with the aid of THREE betas, but shudder at the thought of physical intimacy, especially with someone of the same sex?"
Don't preach to me, Neil - YOU'RE the one who's rambling on about how Caitlin, Emily, and Harry TTLY AIN'T GHEY. Shove the log in your own eye up your arse, and all that. ...To paraphrase the original sayings more than a bit, and all that.
* * * * * *
February 14, 2005
"Are you sure you want to skip dinner?" Jamie asked, as she and Alex nervously made their way up to the seventh floor.
"I can't think about food," Alex answered, holding her hand even tighter. "The only thing I want on my menu tonight is you. I love Cannibalism!"
"Oh! That sounds bad in a good sort of way,"
How about just in a bad sort of way?
Jamie teased as they hurried along the corridor to the stretch of blank wall opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. "Okay, we must walk past this wall three times, concentrating hard on what we need."
Ron Weasley, fortunately, had already beaten them to it, and they were smothered by heaps of clothes within minutes of getting into the room. He always did have an odd sense of humor.
"I'm holding the hand of the only thing I need," Alex said, finding it difficult to fathom that in a few minutes he would at long last be making love with his best friend.
Elphias and Gellert: *simultaneously* *dryly* Yes, like myself and Albus, O Sir No Homosexuals Here? *pause* *glare at each other* *brawl*
Albus: *buries face in hands*
{snip}
"Wow," Alex said in amazement as they crossed the threshold of the cozily lit room. "This is unbelievable."
The room was toasty warm, thanks to a crackling fire in the ornate fireplace. In the center of the room was a heart shape bed easily large enough to sleep six.
Neil, don't make any of us engage in a preemptive strike...
The floor, although having the appearance of being made of stone, was soft and springy with silk cushions flung all about.
Ariana: *BOUNCEBOUNCEBOUNCE* WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Albus: Ariana, don't; you'll hurt yourself.
Ariana: Alby, you and Gelly *BOUNCE* BROKE *BOUNCE* the *BOUNCE* bed, so don't *BOUNCE* tell ME about *BOUNCE* bouncing too much!
Albus: *turns red* ...Well, his arse wasn't quite the same for days afterwards... *returns to watching brawl*
On the side of the room opposite the fireplace was a marble, rectangular shaped pool sunk into the floor.
I hardly think they "needed" that.
The pool even had a diving board,
Ooh, ooh, is this like The Sims 2? Can we block the exit by moving an item and watch the Sues drown? :D
and around the pool's edge stood about a hundred golden taps, each with a colored jewel set into its handle.
"This certainly beats the Astronomy Tower," Alex said as he soaked in the ambiance of the room.
"But don't you think it lacks the intimacy of the train compartment," Jamie joked.
Elbe: It certainly lacks a question mark.
Alex ignored Jamie's remark as he became lost in her eyes and was never seen again. EYEBALLS! "Are you nervous?" he asked.
"Not when I'm with you," she responded. "Are we just going to stand here looking at each other or did you have something else in mind that you'd like to do?"
Alex didn't answer, but instead took Jamie in his arms and kissed her, first slowly and gently, but then ever more intensely as her robes dropped to the floor. Alex fumbled to open the buttons on Jamie's blouse and then froze looking at her in amazement.
Elbe: - at the lack of commas? 8))D;;
"You're wearing a bra," he said in amazement. "You never wear a bra."
"It was Hermione's idea," Jamie said with a giggle. "She said that every guy should get to take a girl's bra off at least once in his life. This is your first and last time."
I could make a joke about Neil, but I won't.
"You two really have a special relationship, don't you?" Alex asked, as he sought to discover the secrets to removing the stubborn garment.
"Very special," Jamie confirmed. "I'd do anything for her and I think she feels the same way about me."
D8 Considering recent context, I DIDN'T need to know that, I REALLY didn't.
"Right now I wish you'd do something for me and that's show me how to get this darn thing open," Alex pleaded.
Jamie smiled as she undid the clasp, allowing her breasts to burst free from the tight garment.
"I am so glad to be out of that," Jamie remarked as Alex plied her breasts with kisses.
"Do you have knickers on, too?" Alex asked as he began to undo the buttons of her skirt.
"She tried to talk me into wearing them, but I flatly refused," Jamie said. "Cloth will never touch those lips."
Howzabout a sheet over your body at the morgue?
As her skirt slipped past her knees, Alex just stared at her nowbbare body. "I've seen you nude at least a thousand times since we were first years, but you always take my breath away."
"No need to sweet-talk me Mr. Ward. Ah know ah bake the worst pies in London... I'm not about to change my mind," Jamie said "but I also don't propose to be the only one in the room naked." Jamie wasted no time removing Alex's clothes, and we have an obvious cut, as Neil forgot to change that comma into a period...
* * * * * *
"That was amazing," Alex gasped. "I didn't realize it was possible to feel that great."
Will not make a joke about Neil. Will not.
"Hermione tells me it only gets better and better with practice," Jamie said hesitantly, not sure if bringing up Hermione again was a good idea. What were the chances Alex was into threesomes?
"If that be the case, I think we should schedule a practice session nightly," Alex said. Pretty high, apparently.
"Considering our current living arrangement, that might be rather difficult, but I'm in favor of doing it as often as possible," Jamie agreed. She wondered if she could get him up to foursomes, and then full-blown orgies.
"Are you ready for that swim?" Jamie said encouragingly as she slithered out of Alex's arms like the slug she was. Alex watched as she walked over to the side of the swimming-pool-sized bath, knelt down OXORD COMMA LOVES YOU ALL and turned on a few of the taps,
The more taps Jamie turned on, the faster the pool filled.
Gee, that's amaaaaaaazing. *rolls eyes* Neil thinks he's writing for people 10 IQ points lower than himself, methinks.
Alex joined her and soon they had every tap flowing. Each spout carried a different sort of bubble bath, but not ordinary bubble bath. This was evil incarnate. The bubbles were huge and the foam was so thick that it looked like you could walk on it.
Sort of like the amount of bullcrap in this fic, you mean?
Soon, Alex and Jamie found themselves hurriedly closing off the taps the deep pool having filled with hot water,
What? *tries to parse without the obvious missing comma* The... deep pool filled the taps with hot water? What?
foam OXFORD COMMA LOVES YOU ALL, GREAT OR SMALL, WRITER OF AN EXCELLENT LITERARY MEAL OR... NEIL and bubbles quickly. With their feet touching bottom, the water came to Jamie's shoulders. When Ron shoved her under, it rose several feet over her head.
They swam a couple of lengths of the pool before swimming back to the side and treading water as they fooled around with each other. They acted out every position in the Kama Sutra in a Totally Platonic ((c) Harmoanians) way.
Jamie grabbed two towels with which to dry off and tossed one to Alex. Jamie laughed. "You do know that my sister would be unmerciful if she saw you like that. Personally, I wish it stayed that way all the time."
Guardian's Song: "Not being wildly jerked off to little girls licking each other's genitals, you mean? So do I."
Jamie and Alex both looked nervously about. They weren't alone. CEILING RON WAS WATCHING NEIL MASTURBATE.
End of chapter 22
After the last two chapters, I thought it was time for a more gentle cliff. I want to thank all of you who reviewed both chapter 20 and 21; you have helped me make a decission.
To use proper spelling and grammar
There will be a third story in the series.
DAMN it!
Look for Hogwarts Over Exposed in July. Bring your own pitchforks and torches!
Thank you Amber, Paul and Peter for you normal excellent Beta job.
...I don't even need to SAY anything about that sentence. It should almost be iconed. Almost.
Special thanks to Paul for some rewrite suggestions.
I refuse to believe these betas exist, because A) I think it would be difficult to find that many pedophiles in HP fandom, B) they're obviously asleep on the job anyway, and C) I believe that the vast majority of pedophiles would be able to write much better fic than this. -_-;;
END SPORKING OF CHAPTER 22
One left to go, guys, and then the person who did Chapter 24 can FINALLY post at the HMS_STFU! :D
(...*snerk* In a private fantasy world of mine, perhaps the R-rating for DH will allow for... ahem... flashbacks. ...With the HP movies being the way they are, the director will probably end up throwing in ZOMG RAPE subtext for Ariana where there WAS none. *sigh*) IGNORE.
...And... erk. The writer of my favorite badfic (I have to see how eet endssssssss) was in a car crash, apparently. ...Well, explains why she hasn't been updating, and... I hope she gets better. Really. *sigh*
Okay, onto the spork.
* * * * * *
"Emily, did you get a good look at what Alex that Weasley was doing to Jamie Padraigin when we walked in the door?" Caitlin questioned, as the two girls lay in their beds talking, neither able or actually wanting to fall asleep.
Emily shuddered, and not in pleasure. "Do you think we're next?"
"We should have known when the Weasley refused to strip," Caitlin said, keeping her eyes peeled for the briefest flash of red hair. "Wretched creatures. I mean, one less competitor for attention, but..." She shook her head. "I don't know how they do it..."
"Not as good as I would have liked to have gotten," Emily admitted.
"Yeah!" Caitlin said, her voice sounding envious.
You filthy perverts. And I make jokes about Ariana being a voyeur. You two disgust ME.
"If I tell you something will you promise not to make fun of me?" Emily asked, hesitantly.
Elbe: Will it involve commas?
"Emily, you should know by now that I'd never make fun of you in a way that was hurtful. You're my sister and I love you," Caitlin declared.
By the way, I discovered when checking Hogwarts Underexposed (anyone got spare eyeball bleach?) that Caitlin is 15 when Emily is 13. In other words, she's one to two years older than Emily. This makes what's coming up next even WORSE.
"I love you, too," Emily said, as she bounded from her bed and gave Caitlin a hug before crawling into bed and nestling next to her sister. "You know how evil I am about making fun of boys and men when they get a stifee."
It's STIFFY.
Caitlin laughed. "You do have a nasty habit of making sure that no one within a mile radius misses it."
"Up until two years ago, I thought it just meant they had to go to the bathroom," Emily admitted, feeling rather na�ve and stupid. "I had no idea that it indicated that they were sexually aroused.
...I think Neil's expressing a fantasy here, and though I don't know what, I don't like it one bit.
I thought this," she touched herself between the legs,
I HATE YOU, NEIL.
"and penises were only different equipment men and women had for peeing. I had no idea a penis was used for sex and that they put it inside of a girl. Some men are really big; they'd never fit."
Tell Anita Blake that.
THE ARDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-
Aw, hell.
Caitlin shuddered, thinking about some of the rather large tools she had seen last summer on vacation.
Trying to argue for your small tool being better, Neil?
"I think that is one of the reasons we're not allowed to have sex until we are fifteen," Caitlin said. "We're too small down there,
That's what magic's for. :P More seriously, NO, NEIL, MOLESTATION AND STATUTORY RAPE LAWS ARE NOT FOR SIZE REASONS, you pervert. It's mostly INTELLECTUAL maturity reasons..
but I imagine we'd probably be able to handle boys our own age.
At this point, they're TWELVE AND ELEVEN! Thirteen, AT MOST! Thirteen-year-olds should NOT be having sex, gadDARNit! D8
They aren't nearly as big as full-grown men."
Oh, if we're talking about Neil, I think some thirteen-year-olds would be LARGER... >:P
"Caitlin, have you ever played with yourself?" Emily asked curiously. "You know, put your finger or anything else inside of you?"
Neil... Neil, you sick fuck, SHUT UP...
Caitlin visibly shook, remembering the ordeal she had been subjected to by Madam Hooch. And Neil visibly came all over the underside of his desk. "I used to," Caitlin admitted,
Neil, STOP TALKING ABOUT PREPUBESCENT GIRLS PLAYING WITH THEMSELVES.
"but ever since the attack, I just can't."
"I'm sorry," Emily said, quickly. "I forgot about the awful things that vicious woman did to you."
"I try not to think about it," Caitlin said. "Mum was amazed that I could even consider being a nudist after what had happened."
SO AM I. But Neil is a... *unable to find the words*
Emily nodded her head in agreement.
"I think everyone plays with themselves at one time or another," Caitlin said,
But they don't YAMMER ON about it. And don't forget the asexuals... and those who don't because it's against their religion... and...
trying to get off the subject of Hooch. "But I think it's sort of like tickling yourself. The results are so different when someone else does it.
Meeeeeeeeeh... That true? I dunno, but if you're doing it right, methinks you can live without the latter. :P
I had goose bumps all over when Matt touched and kissed my breasts."
TWELVE.
Caitlin leaned over and whispered in Emily's ear. "I know I'm too young to have actual sex, but I'd love to experience what Alex did to Jamie today. She looked like she was in seventh heaven."
Emily's 1-2 years younger. I think this counts as mild molestation.
"I know what you mean," Emily agreed. "From the expression on her face it must have been pure delight."
Emily laid back and thought for a while. "Caitlin, I love you. You've always been here to comfort me with Jamie's Mr. Strap-On. You helped me through the loss of my parents and most recently through my situation with Tyler. I'm not Matt, but I'm willing to do it if it means that much to you."
WHOA WHOA WHOA! WTF?!
Do these kids have some sort of nymphomania? O_o 'Oh, hey, ORAL SEX TIEMZ!!!' ...Dude, I can't even find the words... not that this is new.
"Do what?" Caitlin said lazily and then suddenly she realized what Emily meant. "But were both girls."
Neil's so excited, his punctuation is falling out.
Elbe: Is this so different from usual? :(
...No, now that you mention it.
"I know and don't get the idea I'm a lesbian because I'm not," Emily said empathically.
Gellert: Of course. Because orally pleasuring your best friend of the same sex has nothing to do vith - *moans* Yes, Albus, right there, yes, lick there again, YES - where was I? Oh yes. It has nothing *moans* to... ah... vat... oh, yes! Homosexuality. Right. Right. You're far too good at this, you shameless English bastard.
"I couldn't do it to anyone else, not even Kim or Jamie,
Fuckin' hell, I hope not. I sure hope Neil forgot Jamie was Emily's BIOLOGICAL SISTER and not Caitlin's, because otherwise... oi.
but for some reason, I know I can do it to you. Actually, I want to do it to you.
Gellert: Und vanting to lick your best friend's genitals still has nothing to do vith homosexuality, I'm s- AHALBUSYESYESYES!
Albus: *spits and smiles up at him* Excuse me, Gellert. Were you saying something?
Gellert: ...*lightly smacks him on the head*
I want to try to make you feel as good and as happy as Jamie looked."
"You're not kidding. You're serious, aren't you?" Caitlin asked in disbelief.
"I've never been more serious," Emily said, "but I swear if you ever tell anyone that I did this, I'll kill you."
"You won't have to worry about me saying anything," Caitlin promised, "because I'll only let you do it on one condition."
"What's the condition?" Emily asked suspiciously.
"You have to allow me to do it to you in return," Caitlin said, completely somber.
Eleven-and-twelve-year-olds, guys! He's CHEERFULLY writing about this!
Eleven-and-twelve-year-olds lying on a bed, almost certainly both naked, and chatting about oral-sexing each other up.
There is no way in heaven or earth that this could be anything BUT Neil's wank fantasy. There just isn't.
Where's the FBI when you need 'em?
"Do you mean it?" Emily asked, elatedly.
"I'm quite serious," Caitlin declared. "If you can do something like that to me, I'm going to do it to you as well. You should experience how it feels, too."
Albus: And this still has nothing to do with hom- *eyes cross* Uh... ah... What was I...
Gellert: *surfaces for air, smirking* Und this is called revenge, Alb-
Albus: Excuse me, I believe you were otherwise occupied! *attempts to get Gellert's head down again*
Gellert: Hah. And ven I said that, you called me a sex-crazed adolescent...
Albus: Well, it is a perfectly true statement! *still attempting to push Gellert's head downwards*
Emily and Caitlin nervously hugged each other. "I can't believe we're going to do this," Emily said nervously. "Who goes first?"
Albus: In my case? Elphias.
Gellert: Vell, I think that is your vay of saying 'I vish to be celibate for the next veek', ja?
Albus: Pardon me. I just gave you - ...Ah, so you'll be competing with Aberforth for the goats for the next week, then? I do wish you luck.
Gellert: ...Verdammt. I do need more practice in thinking things through.
Caitlin got on her knees and gave Emily a light kiss on the lips. "This was your idea," Caitlin said. "You were caring enough to volunteer to do this to make me feel good, so I think it's only fair I do it to you first."
Albus: *cough* And NOW -
Gellert: All right. Hmph. *goes back down*
Albus: *is much happier*
"Are you sure?" Emily asked, expectantly.
"No. Actually I think we're both crazy, but I honestly want to go through with it," Caitlin said.
"What do I have to do?" Emily asked.
"If the expression on Jamie's face was any indication, just lay there and enjoy yourself." Caitlin stared at Emily.
You know, Neil said he had to snip to satisfy Schnoogle (and thank GOD). I suspect here's a point where he cut out an explicit kiddie porn scene, because otherwise, it cuts out with Caitlin creepily staring at Emily.
Again, where's the FBI when you need 'em?
* * * * * *
"That was a relief," Harry said as Hermione nestled in his arms. "I'm not sure if I could have handled the knowledge that our saving Jamie had cost another life."
"I'm not certain that mortals should have the power to change time," Hermione said disquietingly. "Part of me feels I should destroy the time turner and replace it with a Time Turner, but I can't. If it hadn't been for that device, Jamie would be dead. Harry, that's three innocent lives we've saved."
Jamie and... who are the other two?!
"Innocent in different ways, but yes," Harry agreed. "I only hope that Jamie's stay on earth is a great deal longer than that of Sirius.
Don't defile the man's name by mentioning it in this fic, you bastard.
I used to lie in bed feeling sorry for myself because of the terrible childhood I had. Look at me now. I have every thing a man could desire except some sanity and morals. Sirius was the one that had a truly awful life.
Sirius: The afterlife's fine, though. Lots of women, James, and Lily's tied up being harassed by Snivellus, so James is almost always available... It's like my pre-Voldemort-War existence all over again! 8D *chugs down Butterbeer*
Firstly, coming from that horrible family of his, but then to be sent to Azkaban for all those years for a crime he didn't commit."
"Then spending years on the run, only to die at that evil woman's hands.
Sirius/Bellatrix Shippers: You do mean dying "the little death", right?
At least she finally got what she deserved," Hermione said.
At the hands of The Molly. Booyeah. :D
"Yes, but in many ways, death seemed too good for her," Harry responded.
Mob of Slytherfen: But death at the hands of Molly Weasley?
Molly: And you would like to argue with this? *raises wand*
"There simply is no proper way to make a person as evil as her atone for all the pain and suffering they have caused. In ways, she was more wicked than Voldemort himself."
...Um, Tommy was driving kids out of their minds at age eleven. Hello?
...Now, if you say Bellatrix was more COMPETENT than Voldemort, well... XD;;
"They're both gone," Hermione said. "Suppose I try to make you think of something more pleasant."
"Did you here a moaning sound?" Harry asked, sitting up with a start.
Richard: I don't know. Did you there a moaning sound, too?
"No," Hermione lied. "Maybe it was one of the ghosts."
"I don't think so," Harry said listening intently. "There it is again. That sounds like Caitlin. I better check on the girls and punctuation." He started to move to get up, but Hermione stopped him.
"Don't Harry,"
Is this a cousin of Can't Harry?
Hermione begged, "you'll embarrass them. I think they may be doing a little experimenting."
"Experimenting?" He said questioningly, with improper capitalization. "What do you mean?"
What you did when you realized that "monster" was located in your pants instead of your chest?
But before Hermione could answer, he realized exactly what she meant. He looked at Hermione as if panicHYPHENstricken. "But they're both girls.
...Wow. Not "they're PREPUBESCENT!" but "they're both girls". WOW.
Neil, has anyone suggested you're a TAD homophobic? Also pedophilic? Because wow, wow, wow, are you saying it would be fine if they were a het prepubescent -
...
...Oh, right, Matt and Caitlin. ...You SICK bastard. You sick, sick bastard.
I'll go make some noise in the living area so that they stop," he suggested.
"Leave them be, Harry. If either of us do what you suggest, it is likely to cause far more harm than good. They will probably try again somewhere outside our quarters where getting caught would be very detrimental. Trust me - they are alright." Hermione said, calmly.
Okay, by that logic, parents should let their kids smoke pot and do crack at home, because they might get arrested for doing it outside the home. Right?
"But they're only twelve!
You can't have two people being thirteen and fifteen in one fic and twelve and twelve before that, Neil. Simple maths.
Do you think they are lesbians?" Harry asked, dismayed at the thought.
*FACEPALM* Harry, gaddarn it, the issue is that they're SCREWING AT TWELVE, not whether they're GAY or not! (In my weird opinion, it's actually a bit better if they're gay, if they have to be screwing at this age at all. At least they won't have to worry about underage pregnancy... XD;;)
"Harry, I am no expert in adolescent psychology, but I have read some as Head of House. It is not uncommon for pre-teens to experiment. Often it is with a same-sex partner, but that has nothing to do with whether or not they will be homosexual as adults," Hermione proclaimed.
I think I have given my opinion on Hermione 'proclaiming' things in other HP-related postings. The short version is - SHUT UP, YOU WANKER! (I love Hermione, but... when she starts interpreting events, she acts like the canon incarnation of Red Hen. And I do not like Red Hen one bit.)
"Besides, we've discussed this before. I don't think they are lesbians and could ever possibly be 'in love' with each other,
Good. Effing. Grief. Hermione sounds like a Chick Tract, with the 'in love' in quotes. She also sounds like a parent in deep, deep denial.
"Oh, my stepdaughter is eating out my... uh... other stepdaughter, but they're not gay! Really! They just like the shaven pussy!"
but I do believe that they love each other a very great deal and would do anything for each other."
Fandom: RITE, BECUZ OMG ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS TEH ONLY GHEY MAN IN CNAON!!!!1!!1
Elphias: Uh... erm... indeed! Yes... I'm very heteros- OMG ALBUS SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *fangirlboyish flailing* AND ALBUS DUMBLEDORE IS THE EMBODIMENT OF WIN AND AWESOME AND <33333333333333333 OH ALBUS! *FLAILFLAILFLAIL* ...*flushes* C-could none of you tell that very nice Lady Rowling about that? She - err- doesn't quite know I visit Albus on weekends... Thinks he's celibate...
Guardian's Song: (Erm, more seriously, man writes a worshipful obiturary for Albus Dumbledore, quite obviously was the man's biggest fan and best friend [in Hogwarts days, at least], and throws in a line about "our mutual attraction"... And fandom claims there's only one gay man in canon? :P)
"I know what you said," Harry answered with annoyance. "In school Ron and I were best friends, especially in bed. Dumbledore thought in year four that he would be the thing I would miss the most at night. And I did go to him first in the Triwizard tTournament for buttsex." Harry looked at Hermione quite seriously. "But there is no way in hell that I would ever consider sucking his cock.
Harry/Ron Shippers: That's what YOU think!
Guardian's Song: Yes, yes, Neil, you're SUCH a heterosexual pedophile manly man. Shut up.
Yet the girls are doing virtually the same think THING to each other and it doesn't even phase FAZE you."
"Well, that was the case for you and Ron. The girls, however, have an emotional intimacy that I don't think you two felt,
(Neil) Naturally! Ron was a filthy WEASLEY!
And you're a filthy pedo, so...
Anyway, yes, "emotional intimacy", add that to the list of euphemisms along with "our mutual attraction" and "got on like a cauldron on fire". Get on with it, Neil.
so after Emily started asking all of her questions about sex and oral sex after seeing Jamie and Alex, I knew that they might do this, regardless of anything I might say to dissuade them.
So.. you aren't even going to try to keep them from doing so. You're a REALLY responsible parent, HE!Hermione. Yeaaaaah.
Harry, even if they were lesbian or bi-sexual, I know you would not love them any less."
"No! Of course not."
And I'm a Crumple-Horned Snorkack, you lying fuck.
And note all the "if they were gay... but OF COURSE they're not!" rambling going on. Yes, yes, you're attempting to appear tolerant, but totally failing, Neil. So shut up. It would be slightly less embarrassing for you just to ADMIT to intolerance instead of pretending you're ZOMG A PARAGON OF TOLERANCE. *facepalm*
"Even so, I think that Caitlin and Emily will in time find love of both a mental and physical nature with someone of the opposite sex,
(HE!Hermione) I mean, how could it be otherwise? This is Sparkly Mormon Vampire Pedo-Land!
She really IS reminding me of Esme Cullen... 'Oh, how wonderful! Edward FINALLY got himself a girlfriend! I was worried there was something WRONG with him... um... if you know what I mean.' *FACEPALM* Oh, goodie, MORE reasons to hate HE! As if I needed more.
just like you and I have, but I think they will always have a special love between themselves. I think those girls would not only die for each other, but would also do anything else for the other, and I mean anything."
So, what DO you call a love where you're willing to do ANYTHING else for the other parent (actively including sex)? Harmoanians, apparently, have a seriously screwy definition of "platonic"... so, is Harmoanian!Harry gay? :P After all, his special love for Hermione doesn't mean he's heterosexual, apparently...
"I'm just going to have to trust you on this one," Harry said shaking is head.
"Do you remember the three of us back in first year? By the end of that year, we were willing to die for each other, yet we were hesitant to put a comforting arm around each other.
The British are repressed - what's your point?
Isn't it weird that we don't think twice about dieing, or, apparently, can't spell five-letter words with the aid of THREE betas, but shudder at the thought of physical intimacy, especially with someone of the same sex?"
Don't preach to me, Neil - YOU'RE the one who's rambling on about how Caitlin, Emily, and Harry TTLY AIN'T GHEY. Shove the log in your own eye up your arse, and all that. ...To paraphrase the original sayings more than a bit, and all that.
* * * * * *
February 14, 2005
"Are you sure you want to skip dinner?" Jamie asked, as she and Alex nervously made their way up to the seventh floor.
"I can't think about food," Alex answered, holding her hand even tighter. "The only thing I want on my menu tonight is you. I love Cannibalism!"
"Oh! That sounds bad in a good sort of way,"
How about just in a bad sort of way?
Jamie teased as they hurried along the corridor to the stretch of blank wall opposite the tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy. "Okay, we must walk past this wall three times, concentrating hard on what we need."
Ron Weasley, fortunately, had already beaten them to it, and they were smothered by heaps of clothes within minutes of getting into the room. He always did have an odd sense of humor.
"I'm holding the hand of the only thing I need," Alex said, finding it difficult to fathom that in a few minutes he would at long last be making love with his best friend.
Elphias and Gellert: *simultaneously* *dryly* Yes, like myself and Albus, O Sir No Homosexuals Here? *pause* *glare at each other* *brawl*
Albus: *buries face in hands*
{snip}
"Wow," Alex said in amazement as they crossed the threshold of the cozily lit room. "This is unbelievable."
The room was toasty warm, thanks to a crackling fire in the ornate fireplace. In the center of the room was a heart shape bed easily large enough to sleep six.
Neil, don't make any of us engage in a preemptive strike...
The floor, although having the appearance of being made of stone, was soft and springy with silk cushions flung all about.
Ariana: *BOUNCEBOUNCEBOUNCE* WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Albus: Ariana, don't; you'll hurt yourself.
Ariana: Alby, you and Gelly *BOUNCE* BROKE *BOUNCE* the *BOUNCE* bed, so don't *BOUNCE* tell ME about *BOUNCE* bouncing too much!
Albus: *turns red* ...Well, his arse wasn't quite the same for days afterwards... *returns to watching brawl*
On the side of the room opposite the fireplace was a marble, rectangular shaped pool sunk into the floor.
I hardly think they "needed" that.
The pool even had a diving board,
Ooh, ooh, is this like The Sims 2? Can we block the exit by moving an item and watch the Sues drown? :D
and around the pool's edge stood about a hundred golden taps, each with a colored jewel set into its handle.
"This certainly beats the Astronomy Tower," Alex said as he soaked in the ambiance of the room.
"But don't you think it lacks the intimacy of the train compartment," Jamie joked.
Elbe: It certainly lacks a question mark.
Alex ignored Jamie's remark as he became lost in her eyes and was never seen again. EYEBALLS! "Are you nervous?" he asked.
"Not when I'm with you," she responded. "Are we just going to stand here looking at each other or did you have something else in mind that you'd like to do?"
Alex didn't answer, but instead took Jamie in his arms and kissed her, first slowly and gently, but then ever more intensely as her robes dropped to the floor. Alex fumbled to open the buttons on Jamie's blouse and then froze looking at her in amazement.
Elbe: - at the lack of commas? 8))D;;
"You're wearing a bra," he said in amazement. "You never wear a bra."
"It was Hermione's idea," Jamie said with a giggle. "She said that every guy should get to take a girl's bra off at least once in his life. This is your first and last time."
I could make a joke about Neil, but I won't.
"You two really have a special relationship, don't you?" Alex asked, as he sought to discover the secrets to removing the stubborn garment.
"Very special," Jamie confirmed. "I'd do anything for her and I think she feels the same way about me."
D8 Considering recent context, I DIDN'T need to know that, I REALLY didn't.
"Right now I wish you'd do something for me and that's show me how to get this darn thing open," Alex pleaded.
Jamie smiled as she undid the clasp, allowing her breasts to burst free from the tight garment.
"I am so glad to be out of that," Jamie remarked as Alex plied her breasts with kisses.
"Do you have knickers on, too?" Alex asked as he began to undo the buttons of her skirt.
"She tried to talk me into wearing them, but I flatly refused," Jamie said. "Cloth will never touch those lips."
Howzabout a sheet over your body at the morgue?
As her skirt slipped past her knees, Alex just stared at her nowbbare body. "I've seen you nude at least a thousand times since we were first years, but you always take my breath away."
"No need to sweet-talk me Mr. Ward. Ah know ah bake the worst pies in London... I'm not about to change my mind," Jamie said "but I also don't propose to be the only one in the room naked." Jamie wasted no time removing Alex's clothes, and we have an obvious cut, as Neil forgot to change that comma into a period...
* * * * * *
"That was amazing," Alex gasped. "I didn't realize it was possible to feel that great."
Will not make a joke about Neil. Will not.
"Hermione tells me it only gets better and better with practice," Jamie said hesitantly, not sure if bringing up Hermione again was a good idea. What were the chances Alex was into threesomes?
"If that be the case, I think we should schedule a practice session nightly," Alex said. Pretty high, apparently.
"Considering our current living arrangement, that might be rather difficult, but I'm in favor of doing it as often as possible," Jamie agreed. She wondered if she could get him up to foursomes, and then full-blown orgies.
"Are you ready for that swim?" Jamie said encouragingly as she slithered out of Alex's arms like the slug she was. Alex watched as she walked over to the side of the swimming-pool-sized bath, knelt down OXORD COMMA LOVES YOU ALL and turned on a few of the taps,
The more taps Jamie turned on, the faster the pool filled.
Gee, that's amaaaaaaazing. *rolls eyes* Neil thinks he's writing for people 10 IQ points lower than himself, methinks.
Alex joined her and soon they had every tap flowing. Each spout carried a different sort of bubble bath, but not ordinary bubble bath. This was evil incarnate. The bubbles were huge and the foam was so thick that it looked like you could walk on it.
Sort of like the amount of bullcrap in this fic, you mean?
Soon, Alex and Jamie found themselves hurriedly closing off the taps the deep pool having filled with hot water,
What? *tries to parse without the obvious missing comma* The... deep pool filled the taps with hot water? What?
foam OXFORD COMMA LOVES YOU ALL, GREAT OR SMALL, WRITER OF AN EXCELLENT LITERARY MEAL OR... NEIL and bubbles quickly. With their feet touching bottom, the water came to Jamie's shoulders. When Ron shoved her under, it rose several feet over her head.
They swam a couple of lengths of the pool before swimming back to the side and treading water as they fooled around with each other. They acted out every position in the Kama Sutra in a Totally Platonic ((c) Harmoanians) way.
Jamie grabbed two towels with which to dry off and tossed one to Alex. Jamie laughed. "You do know that my sister would be unmerciful if she saw you like that. Personally, I wish it stayed that way all the time."
Guardian's Song: "Not being wildly jerked off to little girls licking each other's genitals, you mean? So do I."
Jamie and Alex both looked nervously about. They weren't alone. CEILING RON WAS WATCHING NEIL MASTURBATE.
End of chapter 22
After the last two chapters, I thought it was time for a more gentle cliff. I want to thank all of you who reviewed both chapter 20 and 21; you have helped me make a decission.
To use proper spelling and grammar
There will be a third story in the series.
DAMN it!
Look for Hogwarts Over Exposed in July. Bring your own pitchforks and torches!
Thank you Amber, Paul and Peter for you normal excellent Beta job.
...I don't even need to SAY anything about that sentence. It should almost be iconed. Almost.
Special thanks to Paul for some rewrite suggestions.
I refuse to believe these betas exist, because A) I think it would be difficult to find that many pedophiles in HP fandom, B) they're obviously asleep on the job anyway, and C) I believe that the vast majority of pedophiles would be able to write much better fic than this. -_-;;
END SPORKING OF CHAPTER 22
One left to go, guys, and then the person who did Chapter 24 can FINALLY post at the HMS_STFU! :D