Also, more "Being Free To Be Me" spork.
Since I'm too hard on them, normally, here's our favorite potential-Dark-Lord -
Harry: What?
You know, successfully performing the Cruciatus puts you in solid Dark wizard territory. And our favorite pointy-faced overrated spoiled brat! :D
Draco: Potter, I'm retiring from fandom.
You wish.
Disclaimer: Could not pay me to claim this fic as my own, JK Rowling owns HP and all related characters, and Lightning on the Wave/Limyaael owns the Sacrifices Arc in all its glory. All I own is this spork. :P
***
Taking a very quick moment to glance over his shoulder and make sure that Neville still had the other three arseholes held at wand’s length
Harry: What? Look, Neville's a great bloke, but I refuse to participate in an orgy with him. Canonically, I'm interested in Tom Riddle Gellert Grindelwald Sirius Regulus Percival Dumbledore my favorite stalking target, Draco Malfoy Albus Dumbledore girls.
Draco: I can FEEL your House Elves staring at me some nights.
Harry: That's just to make sure you don't get into any trouble, Draco. Who knows if you'll lapse back into your old ways? *staaaaaaaare*
Draco: ...All right, all right, I have Bella Swan's personality with added snottiness, but I don't deserve Edward Cullen! D:
- situational awareness for possible foes had been drilled into him by Severus
Harry: Yeah, absolutely. Every time he came near me, I contemplated trying to hex him to smithereens...
Draco: Ha. He would have painted the walls with your blood.
Harry: By "hex", I mean "Scourgify his hair".
Draco: *horrified gasp* You monster!
and Remus during his war training
Harry: This is a universe where he successfully fled Tonks, then?
Remus: GET HER OFF ME!
Tonks: But Remus! I love you!
Ron: *musing* This close, I'm reminded of Lavender. ...Lupin! I'll help!
- Harry turned his attention to the lumbering form of the bleeding and swearing Ron Weasley, coming at him again.
Guardian's Song: RONNIE! :D Your persistence is godly! <3~~~~ That's right, Ron. When all others have abandoned canon and sanity, YOU'RE there to fight the good fight and bring down those Sues. <3
...Y'know, this is kind of one of the reasons I have (as a semi-joke) Ron planned to be revealed as Aberforth's bastard son in most of my AU fics. Think of Aberforth's situation in canon during the summer of 1899. A brilliant, handsome, talented foreign (for the exoticness) berk swoops in from abroad and utterly distracts Albus the brilliant, handsome, talent English berk from his responsibilities to his loved ones in favor of being slashy and taking over the world. Meanwhile, Aberforth is an illiterate, misbehaving, sort of disturbed (flinging goat dung at people, really?) teenager who, to tell from the way he presents things, was never really on good terms with Albus. However, he also loved his sister dearly and was the only one with brains regarding the issue of dragging along an unbalanced, violently powerful girl on a world-conquering trip, and persisted in arguing until "wands came out" and he got Cruciated for his trouble. (This is, unfortunately, not a terribly inaccurate picture of how things go in powerful!Harry/Dark-wizard-of-author's-choice fic.) Aberforth is canonically fanon!Ron. XD (JKR had a LOT of fun writing the Dumbledore backstory, methinks. It's a great standalone, but when you notice the fanfic-snarking patterns... XD XD XD)
RONNIE FTW! :D
Thanking the providence that had led him to decide that this Saturday was the day that he was finally going to wear his new casual ensemble (that he’d bought in August), in his preparation for the lunch he and Draco were taking in Hogsmeade later that afternoon, Harry caught his ex-friend by the shoulders and brought his knee up to the other boy’s most prized possession, the Weasley Crown Jewels.
Guardian's Song: Considering that Ron challenges Stus again and again in badfic, regardless of their power or connections, said, ahem, Crown Jewels must be made of steel. Therefore, Harry just broke his knee. :D
It had been funny back in fifth year when Ron had called them that,
Harry: When'd he do that?
now it was just a sad reminder of a friendship forever spoiled. Harry had left it out for too long when he wandered off to contemplate the walls.
Draco: Who is she?
Harry: Dumbledore's sister.
Draco: *squints* She looks a bit like you, Potter. It's in the expression.
Harry: *gazes at Draco with a kind of vacant angstiness* I have no idea what you mean by that, Malfoy.
Harry had a form fitting white long-sleeved top on, one that hugged his fuller upper-body attributes and showed them off to their best appearance.
Guardian's Song: Remind me, why is it that breasts were supposed to improve his appearance, if he really is a ~*man*~ that just likes looking pretty? As any bishonen can tell you, breasts are not required to look like the prettiest woman who ever did waltz across the land.
Harry: BREASTS?
Guardian's Song: Uh... yeah...
Harry: =OUT OF CHEESE ERROR= =REBOOT, REBOOT=
Draco: ...If you say so, Potter, I'm not going to argue. *puts on boots and kicks him repeatedly*
Harry: That ISN'T what "reboot" means, Malfoy.
Draco: It worked, didn't it? How am I supposed to know what those Muggle terms mean?
{mini-snip more babbling about Harry's outfit}
At the time he was getting ready, it had seemed like just the right mix of casual and functional for what had become his regular Saturday lunch with Draco. They’d started going to Hogsmeade each Saturday not long after they’d starting taking goodly English courses and "sparring" regularly. That had been in the middle of September and it was now the first week of November. A robe to ward off the cold and he would have been out and proud on his way to meet Draco, had he not run into Ron and his small inter-house heckling posse.
Albus Dumbledore: You mean "inter-House". I have to suffer a small inter-house heckling posse.
Aberforth Dumbledore: *grumblesnarlscowl*
Ariana Dumbledore: Are you sure we can't permanently remove him from the house, Abby?
Albus: As I said...
His choice not to wear the skirt he had considered wearing as an alternative
Draco: *points and laughs*
Harry: *considers setting self aflame*
if the weather had been just a little warmer had been a fortunate one.
Combat trousers and free movement had been essential when Ron and another of his toadies
Harry: Ron? Toadies?
Draco: Weasley wouldn't know how to have toadies if they lined up behind him and began dancing the conga in nighties.
Harry: I'm imagining Crabbe and Goyle in nighties now. Thank you, Malfoy.
Draco: They Polyjuiced into girls their age every now and then, you know. I don't have problem with the idea of Polyjuiced Vincents and Gregories in nighties at all. *smirks*
had tried to maul him, saying, “If he liked looking like a girl then it was about time he started putting out like a girl.”
Harry: ...If he did that, Ginny would violently rip out his reproductive system on the spot, and Hermione would show up to use a variety of unpleasant curses once the wound had been cauterized. They would.
The disgusting goading of the rest of Ron’s small group had just seemed to cause things to get really ugly, really fast.
Harry: So... as a result of definitely sexual taunting, they tried to maul me? Yeah, sure, that makes perfect sense.
Guardian's Song: It's like the usual fanon insanity regarding Ariana in reverse. A six-year-old is being freakish and won't show us how she does it? "IT'S RAPE-O-CLOCK!" We're "goading" each other "disgusting"ly and making crude comments about the local transsexual? "We're going to maul him... her... thingy!" *scratches head* ...Someone please explain the fannish mind to me, because my Subtext Decoder ring doesn't work right.
He had been holding his own - he was ‘Hero of the Wizarding World’ for a reason, after all; DASH! NOT SEMICOLON! but the odds had not looked pretty until Neville Longbottom had turned into the corridor and had seen what was going on. Neville had seemed to finally remember he was a Gryffindor (for the first time since term started),
Harry: Actually, Neville would be the MOST likely to go against the crowd and do what he thought was right to BEGIN with. ...Which is why Hermione had to use a Full-Body Bind on him at the end of first year, but still...
and had Accio’d the wands of the heckling group,
Harry: WHY IS EVERYONE IN FANFIC TOO GOOD FOR SIMPLE DISARMING?!
Draco: And why do they forget that "Accio" is the incantation and the name is "Summoning Charm"?
leaving Harry free to deal with his attackers.
Considering Ron and Justin Finch-Fletchley
Harry: What did he ever do to the author?!
Draco: Exist?
had basically tried to rape him in the corridor,
Harry: Author? MAUL and RAPE are NOT the same thing. D'you think you could use the right word the FIRST time?
Guardian's Song: Actually, confusion between the two would explain a lot about a certain piece of fanon...
Harry felt no shame in using the considerable strength and skill
Draco: What?
his martial arts training had given him
Harry: WHAT?
to cause as much damage as he possible could
Ariana: In the butt?
Harry and Draco: WHAT?!
Ariana: Isn't that how it goes? o_o
to each of the other boy’s ability to reproduce.
Ariana: He had multiple ones?
Draco: Which boy?
Harry: I think Hermione explained what's going on with this sort of fic once... "Babelfish"?
Finch-Fletchley was still unconscious on the floor and would be lucky indeed if he didn’t end up walking with a permanent limp.
Draco: No, no! The line is "They call him Mary now."
Harry: WE DO NOT SPEAK ABOUT THE NAME "MARY"! WE JUST DON'T!
Ron shrieked like a pig being led to a butcher Pretty good description of how he gets treated in these fics, actually... and Harry stepped back, letting him slump to the floor of the corridor and curl into a foetal position. Voice shaking with adrenaline and anger, Harry said, “Just because I like dressing and acting the way I do, doesn’t mean that I hit like a girl.
Harry: *smirks* I'd like this doppelganger to say "hit like a girl" to Ginny's face.
Zacharias Smith: You mean "psychotically charging into someone while using a high-powered broom", Potter?
Harry: Yes, that's exactly what I mean, actually, Smith. ...Have you gotten to the stage of eating babies yet?
Zacharias Smith: If Rowling ever writes an eighth book, I'm sure I'll do that in my sole cameo.
“More to the point, who the fuck do you think you are that you can attack a fellow pupil like that, irrespective REGARDLESS of their gender or sexual preference?”
Ron: Who cares about that? I'm attacking you because you're a flaming STU! ...Or are you a Sue? 8( Bloody hell, this is getting confusing.
Turning to address Neville, Harry said, “Thanks, Neville. I appreciate that you’ve been uncomfortable with me lately
Harry: As are all the readers. ...Right? RIGHT?
Guardian's Song: Uh, actually, this is getting mostly glowing reviews.
Draco: Even though I'm apparently chums with Potter?
Guardian's Song: Just CHUMS? *CACKLES* Your sheltered upbringing is showing, Draco. Do you know what "The Hex Files" is an archive for?
Draco: HP fanfic.
Guardian's Song: >:) More specifically. Look at the header.
Draco: Why?
Guardian's Song: Oh, no reason.
and how I have been choosing to express my true self now that I am free to do so, so I do appreciate you stepping in to help me.
“Are you okay there while I call for some teachers?”
Neville briefly smiled at him and said, “I’m more than fine here, Harry… I'm FABULOUS.
Guardian's Song: More seriously, guess what Neville's sexual orientation is, given that he's not a rotten bastard anymore. Just guess.
and thanks for not calling me a complete prat for being an idiot for the last few weeks.”
Harry: What about "completely OOC"?
Harry grinned slightly and said, “As long as you promise not to be a prat any more,
Harry: "Neville" goes together with "prat" about as well as "Ron" and "toadies".
Draco: Precisely. Longbottom does not have the finesse to be a prat.
Harry: That word does not mean what you think it means.
Young!Aberforth: Actually, it does. They're shameless *******s.
Young!Gellert: Excuse me? Did you just compare me to Draco Malfoy? Albus, this must count as spitting on me. Not to mention you, since he's suggesting you would be attracted to Malfoy.
Harry: *blood pounds in ears* It is therefore RANDOM CRUCIO TIMEZ NAO?
Young!Gellert: Precisely.
then I think we can work through things and be better friends than before.
{mini-snip}
Pressing his wand to his throat, Harry cast the Sonorous Charm and said, “Headmaster Dumbledore and all Heads of House, this is the Head Boy.
Snape: Head Boy, this is the Head of Slytherin House. Keep your inter-House squabbles to yourself.
“There has been an attempted rape of a school pupil.
Ron: Actually, when I said I'd stick my spork in you, I meant it LITERALLY.
The perpetrators are currently under the watch of both myself and Gryffindor seventhHYPHENyear pupil, Neville Longbottom.
“Please make your way to the corridor leading from the classroom on the third floor of the South Wing as soon as possible.”
As Harry cast the counter-charm to counter his Sonorous,
Richard: Paging the Redundancy Department of Redundancy on their personnel-issued pagers...
Harry: And it's Quietus, if I recall right.
Neville actually laughed. “I missed you, Harry. Don’t ever change.
Harry: Well, actually, my personality was mauled by the Suethor at the beginning of the fic, thanks.
Don’t ever let anyone make you change.”
Harry: I suppose it could be worse - I could be Malfoy. How are those leather pants chafing? And are you too envious of Ginny for stealing your one true soulmate away from you?
Draco: She stole my mirror?! I'll kill that blood-traitor! ...Or maybe just give her a paper cut, I'm squeamish. *wibble*
The faint sound of quickly approaching footsteps could be heard. Harry winked at Neville COMMA! who winked back.
**
The Hogsmeade weekend ended up being summarily cancelled;
Draco: They didn't do that for the attempted murders of students! ...Or the attempted murder of a student by a crazed Hipppogriff. *Bambi eyes*
Harry: God, Draco, you're just as much of a drama queen as Cassandra Claire portrayed you.
Draco: *sneers* Well, Potter, you're just as much of a closeted homosexual pining over his faaaaaaabulous secret crush as she portrayed you, too. She just confused me with Dumbledore.
all pupils were confined to their Common Rooms to await an address by their respective Heads of House. From his prison cell, Ronald Weasley grinned as he clutched at his wounded bits. Sure, he had to sacrifice himself, but now the entire school wanted the Stu's... Sue's... whatever's head on a platter. Inevitable checkmate within a few turns, "Harry". Your move.
Dumbledore had been as stern as Harry ever remembered seeing him (outside of the war) when he had seen the aftermath of the corridor incident. All four of the Heads of House had been practically apoplectic with anger and disgust at what had come so close to happening.
Draco: (Snape) Weasley was so close! *shakes fist in anger* Curse you, Longbottom!
Harry and Neville had given their testimony, and the three boys facing lesser charges of only ‘inciting’ the attempted assault had been quick to turn on the two that had done the actual assaulting. "We DIDN'T rape that six-year-old! We don't know where you lot got that idea, but we just beat the living daylights out of her and told her what a stupid little freak she was! She deserved it!" They never did figure out how three Muggles got into the courtroom.
Their houses had their house points totals wiped to zero, making the Sue/Stu/thingy's demise imminent, there was a permanent note going in their academic records, and their parents had been summoned to Hogwarts to be made aware of what their children had done.
Ron Weasley and Justin Finch-Fletchley had been left untreated; their wounds had been ones that Harry had inflicted in self defence.
Harry: I was unaware we just left people to suffer because they were rotters. Could we have left Malfoy to bleed to death from the cut in his arm, then? After we propped open the wound, of course, in "self-defense" of Buckbeak.
Draco: Ha ha. Very funny, Potter.
Harry: I was just saying. I didn't mean it literally. Look, I'm not a killer. Compeller? Yes! Torturer? FUN TIMES! Killer? Noooooo. Even Voldemort has to be killed by a rebounding curse. Can't damage my soul, after all.
Draco: The way Rowling goes on about it, you'd think it was your magical hymen.
Harry: You'd think my soul would be damaged from Horcrux-destruction, actually. Tom Riddle was more of a person than Voldemort, and yet I stabbed him through the... er... pages with a basilisk fang... oh well, Earth Logic is my Kryptonite, so...
Treatment had needed to wait until a team from the Ministry could arrive. The exact nature of each wound had needed to be catalogued by the Aurors before medical personnel from St. Mungo’s could treat them. It was all going to be evidence in their criminal trial, after all.
Harry: Why couldn't Madame Pomfrey do it?
Both boys had been expelled from the school, effective immediately.
Snape: Do you know how hard it is to get expelled from Hogwarts? Aside from Potter the younger having survived through six years, recall that Black didn't get expelled for attempted murder.
Sirius: Aw, come on, Snivellus, it was a prank.
Snape: One that might have resulted in my death or infection with lycanthrophy. You are aware it's a criminal offense to aid a werewolf in infecting a human with lycanthrophy, aren't you?
Sirius: What?! I wasn't-
Snape: I could have made quite a persuasive argument for it in court. IF DUMBLEDORE HAD EVER ALLOWED IT TO GO TO COURT, instead of protecting his dear little pranksters and pet school werewolf. *seethes*
Aberforth: Of course he protected pranksters. Pranksters are his type.
Snape: ...*winces* Yes... of course... I forgot about that.
Sirius: And what's that supposed to mean?!
Aberforth: Put it this way. Has he ever asked you to put on a curly blond wig and give him one of your dazzling roguish grins?
Molly and Arthur Weasley had come to collect their son. Molly had left with Ron and the Aurors, Arthur had not. When she had spitefully announced that the ungrateful deviant that had betrayed their world had deserved whatever Ron and Justin had planned to do to him,
Harry: Actually, she would sacrifice Ron to the Dark gods of housekeeping and family harmony.
Draco: What Dark gods?
Harry: Have you SEEN her when angered? They MUST be Dark.
Arthur Weasley had informed her he was sickened with the bile she had been spouting for the last couple of months, and
Harry: - she promptly cowed him and had him smiling painfully and nodding along with everything she said within five minutes.
that he was going to file for divorce the next day.
Harry: And she was great and terrible, and all loved her and despaired, and Mr. Weasley immediately said he was just joking.
*poofs in* Hello. I was informed an entire (very large) family in this dimension was being held under compulsion by one of its members. I'm obliged to investigate.
Harry: Who are you?
...Harry Polaris Black, vates.
Draco: There's a definite resemblance to you, Potter - I prefer the handsome bastard over there, though.
Harry, do you have any idea why a teenage Dark Lady has latched onto my leg and is asking me if I'm "Alby and Gelly's" son? For that matter, do you have any idea who "Alby and Gelly" are?
Ariana: The overwhelming smugness is unmistakable! You must be their son! Hi, nephew! :D
No, I don't.
Harry: ...Power... such power... and a whiff of Darkness... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDSOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
You must be my... dimensional counterpart... I'm bonded, stop looking at me like that... I am distinctly... unnerved...
Harry: Haaaaaaaaaandsomeeeeeee... Wait, why are YOU so powerful and not me?
Internal barrier shattering and magical heirship from Voldemort... it's complicated to explain. Basically, I absorbed some of Voldemort's magic -
Harry: Oh, my wand did that! :D *pulls out wand* So, my wand's Voldemort's magical heir?
O_O ...Never mind, I'm just going to investigate this family.
I'm coming along too, Harry! *runs after, though a tad hindered due to Ariana clinging to him*
Draco: ...That was odd.
Harry: Very odd. *peers at wand* So you're Voldemort's magical heir? ...My life just keeps getting stranger.
If he was needed as a character witness for Harry, he could be reached care of his twin sons, and that he would be staying with Fred and George for the foreseeable future.
Harry: Hmm... yeah, they're probably working together on modified Muggle technology. ...I'm moving to Australia with Ginny until they retire, I think. Just in case England gets blown to smithereens. >_o
Justin’s parents had been disgusted with their son’s behaviour and had been berating him since they arrived. In fact, they were still doing so when the Aurors took them all away.
That was what the gist of what the school was being informed about this evening. Well, that and the fact that intolerance and discrimination were not acceptable at the school, not now and not ever again.
Harry: Then why does Malfoy get away with saying "Mudblood" and "blood traitor"?!
Draco: Because I do it with style.
Harry: Don't start believing your own hype. In canon, you're an overgrown toddler.
Draco: In canon, Potter, if you were any less functional, you'd spend all your time banging your head against the wall and shrieking.
Harry: Hey, actually, if I'd done that, I might destroyed the scar Horcrux in OoTP...
Draco: *FACEPALM*
Intolerance and looking the other way as fellow pupils had been tormented had gone a long way toward starting the recent war.
Harry: Stop doing the put-upon act, Snape. You gave as good as you got.
Snape: When did I attempt to feed Black to a werewolf, pray tell? And attack your father's group four-on-one? (Or are you saying one of me was as dangerous as four of them?)
Harry: Excuse me. You gave as good as you got to eleven-year-olds. Real manly, that.
It would never be tolerated again. Anyone found to behaving in such a goodspeak Englishy manner would find themselves severely reprimanded.
Snape: And then let off with a twinkle and a Lemon Drop.
Harry had refused to make a statement to the school about the discrimination he had suffered, neither did he insist on any special provisions for him for the remainder of the school year.
Guardian's Song: ...Unfortunately, I must now give kudos to Ayn Rand. She had a villain be oh-so-modest in a way that made it very clear that he was doing it to attention-whore. (Ellsworth Toohey, if you're curious. The Fountainhead >>>>>>> Atlas Shrugged. Why, Rand even portrayed the female equivalent of John Galt as a very effed-up, self-destructive, nihilistic, disturbed woman, and admitted that the entire "integrity" thing will often not lead to material success [in fact, the exact opposite]. Rand pretty much did a 180 between books.)
He could take care of himself, after all.
Snape: *DIES LAUGHING*
Ron: *crazed laughter*
Hermione: *demented giggling*
The Scar Horcrux: )8 Why does everyone forget about meeeeeeeeee...
Harry: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME.
TSH: I do! I gave you a channel into Voldemort's mind, and produced that spurt of magic above the Tonkses' (the WAND?! That was clearly me! I'm the one who GENUINELY has some of Voldemort's magic, after all! D:), and -
Harry: *abandons under seat at King's Cross*
TSH: *cries and flails*
He had been doing it for a long, long while.
Old!Aberforth: Nah, I don't believe that. He'd have more scars on his hands from slicing himself with a mirror shard if he had.
Dumbledore had excused him from Head Boy duties for the next week,
Snape: Perfectly in-character, I agree.
stating that it was high time that the Head Girl began to act in a manner befitting her prefect status.
Aberforth: Snideness for no reason save to give his favorite a jolt of sadistic glee? Yeah, that's Albus, all right.
Eyes twinkling at him, Dumbledore had told him he had ‘the week off’.
In fact, he had gone further and said that Harry was excused classes for the next week
Snape: That's overboard even for Dumbledore. ...I never thought those words would come out of my mouth.
and had permission to use the Floo access in the hHeadmaster’s private quarters
Draco: D:
Harry: A warm feeling rushed through Harry at the Headmaster's generosity, this sign of favor -
Draco: This sign he fancies you, more like!
Harry: He does? Can we bond over our relatives' graves?
Draco: O_O *scoots far, FAR away from Harry*
Snape: I was unaware he liked them that young.
Albus: Even were we the same age in this fic... I am afraid the breasts, ah, disqualify it...
to head into Muggle or Wizarding London for a break. Harry was definitely tempted to take him up on that offer.
Draco: D: D: D:
So far, the only thing that had made this last year of school bearable had been his friendship and slowly growing relationship with Draco Malfoy.
Draco: D: D: D: D: D:!!!
Harry: Stop attention-whoring, Malfoy. You'll run out of sizes if you keep doing that.
Draco: D:
Harry: I stand corrected.
As if Harry’s thoughts had summoned him, Harry heard a familiar knock at the door to his Head Boy quarters.
Draco: A familiar knock? X( ...I am only comforted by the thought of Rita Skeeter having a field day.
A Certain Beetle: *has been present for the entire sporking*
Draco was here.
Draco: I am not comforted by the thought of Rita Skeeter having a field day!
Smiling, Harry moved to open the door and gasped when Draco forcefully grabbed at his hips and
A Certain Beetle: *mentally plotting future biography of Harry Potter out* -pressed his own against Harry's, prompting an ecstatic moan -
Draco: I feel as if I have just been defiled, and I have no idea why.
Harry: You too? That's weird...
pushed him firmly into his living room,
A Certain Beetle: *mentally* Ah, well, this is what they call "filling in the blanks". *does not remove previous insertion*
kicking his door shut with the back of his heel. Unbalanced, he fell flat on his face. Potter then proceeded to run around screaming that he had broken a nail, and would surely die. As he had broken said toenail on Malfoy's face, Malfoy was screaming even more loudly that he would bleed to death from the one-centimeter cut on his cheek.
Much less dramatically forceful, Draco gently turned him to lean against the nowHYPHENshut door, hands thoroughly and gently exploring Harry’s body,
Guardian's Song: Mm-hmm. The first thing everyone wants after being nearly gang-raped is to be forced into a room, pinned against a door, and groped.
and saying, “Are you sure you are all right, Harry?
“Those bastards didn’t touch you, did they? I’ll kill them if they did.”
Harry felt his heart flip-flop in his chest as he realised that Draco was sincere in his threat. Draco was that concerned about him… that protective.
Harry: No, he's Bella Swan and I'm Edward Cullen! Not the other way around!
Draco: Incidentally, you don't dazzle me.
Harry: I could be Jacob, actually.... I hear it's very sexy amongst the werewolves in Twilight to nearly rip your mate to shreds .
Draco: If you imprint on me, Potter, I'll whap you over the head with a rolled-up Daily Prophet. Are you even house-trained?
Harry: If I had to live in your house for long, I'd probably pretend not to be...
Pressing his hands gently to Draco’s shoulders, Harry looked up into the silver fire in Draco’s eyes
Syaoran: *extinguishes and eats*
and softly admitted, “They tried. Things might have been a lot worse if Neville hadn’t come by and evened the odds a little.
Ron: I nearly had the spork in it! Nearly! I just wasn't expecting Neville to have been suborned...
“They tried to take something from me that wasn’t theirs to take.
Guardian's Song: No, the fucking problem is that they tried to violate you, not that they tried to take your virginity, idiot!
I didn’t let them.”
Guardian's Song: There were only two of them! How hard is it, o Savior of the Wizarding World, to scream "Expelliarmus, Expelliarmus, Stupefy, Stupefy, Petrificus Totalis, Petrificus Totalis!"?
“Merlin, Harry…” Draco’s voice trailed off and the older boy pulled him towards his body.
He could take care of himself - as he had so emphatically proved today - but Harry liked the feeling of comfort he got by being wrapped up in Draco’s arms. Completely unselfconsciously, Harry wrapped his arms round the taller boy’s waist and soaked up the strength and security that Draco was clearly wanting and needing to offer him.
Draco: Do I dazzle you?
Harry: You aren't Edward Cullen or Jacob Black, Malfoy, and I won't break my fist if I punch you. Keep that in mind.
Draco pressed a kiss to his hair and softly said, “When Snape informed us all what had nearly happened…” Draco’s arms tightened their hold and Harry snuggled closer, murmuring, “I’m fine, Draco, I promise I’m fine.”
Harry let Draco move them to his couch, automatically curling into Draco’s side when Draco lifted his arm to let Harry get closer.
Guardian's Song: This is incidentally a lot more tolerable if you think of them as Sims.
*selects Draco* *clicks on couch* "Sit Down" *clicks on Harry* "Call Over" "Lift Arm"
*selects Harry* "Curl Into Side".
(Harry and Draco) ++
He smiled when Draco tentatively mentioned that Snape had passed on another message, this time one solely for him, and that had been that Dumbledore had given him the same week off that he had given Harry.
Draco: And Kreacher shall fly!
Kreacher: The Dark Lord is dead, Master Regulus is avenged, and as such, I am no longer under any obligation to serve the blood-traitor and his friends unless he recalls my name, which should happen.. about every few months. Goodbye, filth! *catches plane to Tahiti*
Draco: I mean... AND PIGS SHALL FLY!
Ministry Official: I'll have you know, Aberforth, that's an inappropriate charm.
Middle-aged!Aberforth: Hogsmeade is Wizarding territory! (Why the hell else do you think I live here? It certainly isn't to be closer to Albus)
Ministry Official: Yes, but that's... just... wrong.
Goats: *flapping about above the Hog's Head* BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Draco: ...Those still aren't pigs. Those still aren't pigs. *degenerates into hysterical giggling*
Harry: Always knew he was unstable...
{mini-snip}
Draco’s long, slender fingers
Harry: Ah, he's Tom Riddle in disguise. ...Suddenly, I do not have so many objections to this fic.
Draco: *still having a near-breakdown, but manages to scoot further away from Harry*
stilled his own and Harry gasped softly when Draco raised them to his lips, gently kissing the pad of each finger in turn.
“I don’t intend to spend just some time with you, Harry, I intend to spend all of it. It’s the perfect chance for us to get to know each other a lot better.”
Harry: Yeah, but I sort of mind your method of implanting yourself in my forehead.
Guardian's Song: That's not Tom Riddle.
Harry: It makes it easier to read. He's evil, of course. That's the only reason I'm observing him so closely. I need to see what evil he's up to. *stalks*
{mini-snip}
Draco firmly cut him off and said, “Don’t you dare be anything other than
Harry: (Edward Cullen!Draco) - what I say you are, Bella. Don't you DARE. *cracks knuckles*
the wonderful, kind, gorgeous boy that you are, Harry Potter.
Draco: *recovers enough to do a falsetto imitation of fic!Harry* But I'm not a little boy, Daddy. I'm a little girl.
Harry: That does explain a lot about you, Malfoy.
Draco: Shut up.
“In fact,” said Draco, as he slowly disentangled himself from Harry and rose to his feet, “If I am going to be spending an entire week with the prettiest boy I know, I need to go do some packing of my own.”
{mini-snip. Draco calls Harry "gorgeous". Harry is scooting away from Draco. Draco vows never to eat anything given "to seal our truce" by Weasley again. Look, it's not my fault you misused the Daydream Charm, basically went sleepwalking, and mistook Harry for your own reflection.}
Once the door had closed behind Draco’s departing form, Harry whirled round and headed for his bedroom to assess his belongings. What did one pack for a week’s free time with the boy that had become your best friend, and who could quite possibly become something far more precious if Fate smiled on them both?
Harry: *in-character* *wonders if he should scrape out the rotten mulch and glass shards from the bottom of his trunk*
Draco: Reason #281910 I would never date Potter in canon: He has a House-El, yet he makes the filthiest of the Weasleys seem orderly and well-groomed...
**
The next morning, Harry let Draco lead him hand-in-hand through the quiet and empty corridors that led to Dumbledore’s private quarters.
A Certain Beetle: *would be grinning ear-to-ear at the scandal of the century if she were in human form*
A beaming Dobby had already followed Draco’s instruction and taken Harry’s Muggle suitcase (and his vanity case with his makeup)
Harry: *tries to stab self with wand* *fails*
Draco: There's nothing wrong with a bit of -
Harry: WHAT?!
Draco: Honestly, Potter, even your Muggle movie stars use just a tad. Despite what you may think, I can't naturally look this perfect around the clock.
on ahead to the Leaky Cauldron. Draco had booked them two adjoining rooms there for their free week. Aberforth, after spending five minutes with Draco Malfoy, had generously donated the biggest, nastiest fleas on his premises to the happy couple, much to Rosemerta's anger.
Draco looked casually refined
Draco: As I always do.
in dark grey linen trousers, a grey silk shirt, and a lovely tailored blazer.
Albus: And not a speck of purple or midnight blue to be seen. I am severely disappointed if this is what passes for 'fashionable' at Hogwarts in the future. *shakes head sadly*
Harry had felt a firm pull of wondering attraction as he realised that Draco was clearly as eager about spending time with him as he was with Draco,
Draco: Which is to say, not at all.
and that he had dressed to impress.
His heart had thrilled at the frank appreciation in Draco’s gaze the first time he saw Harry in the ensemble that - Harry was man enough to admit - he had chosen solely because he hoped it might please Draco.
Harry: *HEADDESK*
Draco: Oh, now you are banging your head against things, Potter... Should I make sure you don't hurt yourself?
Harry: If you're suggesting I have certain disabilities, Malfoy, I'll be sure to have an extremely violent meltdown. And guess who's the only other person in this room?
Draco: Given your sanity... your invisible friend Moofy?
Harry had chosen to keep his hair loose today, with his fringe hanging to accent the subtle makeup job he had done on his face. His lipstick was a fuller red than he normally wore, but it had been specifically chosen to match his outfit.
Rather than just functional underwear, Harry had chosen to celebrate the week of freedom they had both been given, and had gone without any underwear whatsoever to his lingerie drawer. He had a lacy white bra on underneath the figure hugging a Pygmy Puff white cashmere pullover he had on. The garter belt, panties OXFORD COMMA and white tights Harry was wearing matched the bra, obviously.
Harry: I feel like walking in front of a Killing Curse.
Draco: Too much more of this, and I'll gladly do that for you before turning my wand upon myself.
His pullover was tucked inside the mini kilt he had chosen to wear.
Guardian's Song: Oi! Kilts are NOT skirts, you know! They're MEN'S clothing!
He was not a hundred percent certain over the name of the tartan. He had found it in the ladies’ section of one of the uncounted tourist woollen mill shops that could be found the length and breadth of the Muggle UK, and not just in Scotland as one might have expected. It was as close to a Gryffindor red tartan as he had been able to get.
The kilt came to six inches above his knees and it looked spectacular, if he did say so himself. His kilt pin had small rubies embedded in the silver. When he had finished his outfit off with a red leather strappy handbag and his red leather ankle boots, the ones with three inch red heels, Harry had been delighted with the way he had looked right before he fell flat on his face when he tried to take a step. He especially loved having the chance to wear his heels. He only really got to wear them when relaxing in his rooms. He didn’t find them conducive to walking along the stone corridors of Hogwarts all day.
Harry: I don't find this fic conducive to my sanity, either.
By the time Harry had brought his attention back to the here and now and away from his daydreaming, Dumbledore had already shoved a spork into his gut bid them a safe trip and given a fond goodbye to them both.
Harry couldn’t help but give a bit of a nervous sigh as Draco moved to get the Floo powder. This would be the first time that he had been in the Wizarding area of London since school had started back. His new look had been reported in the newspapers but that was not the same as seeing him in person. Distant members of the Weasley clan readied their sporks. This could be quite a fight... especially with the Stu's... Sue's... thingy's ability to slow time with clothing descriptions.
“Nervous?” asked Draco.
“A little,” admitted Harry.
Draco temporarily deposited the small pot of Floo powder on the nearest table and moved to stand in front of him.
“Don’t be,” said Draco, simply. “If they can’t accept you for the beautiful person that you are, irrespective REGARDLESS of your outward appearance, then it is their loss and not yours. THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS!!111!”
Draco gently tugged him forward by the hips until they were flush against each other
Draco: I can't look.
and moved his lips to within millimetres of Harry’s own,
Harry: Neither can I.
whispering, “Here’s a kiss for luck, Harry.”
The kiss that they shared this time was not the gentle kisses of days and weeks past.
Draco and Harry: WE'RE NOT LOOKING!
This one was more powerful, more real somehow. Harry stood on tiptoe to return the kiss with his full heart, stomach clenching slightly as he read this fanfic - You looked! he realised that one of Draco’s hands had instinctively moved round to cup his rear and hold him close.
Even with the heavy material of his kilt as a barrier, Harry could feel Draco’s arousal hardening against him, and his own slowly hardening erection felt rather strange, wonderfully so, as it was contained in its lacy prison.
Guardian's Song: EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH LITTLE MISS MARY LITTLE MISS MARY KILL IT WITH FIRE KILLITWITHFIRE - *stops shrieking for long enough to think, then tosses Ariana Dumbledore at it* Kill it with Ariana! :D
Ariana: *BOOM*
{this portion of the fic was destroyed by means of Ariana Dumbledore}
Draco stepped into the fireplace and, just before calling out his intended destination of The Leaky Cauldron; he blew Harry a kiss and said, “See you in a minute, gorgeous.”
Harry was smiling when he took his own turn in the fireplace, which was actually burning with Fiendfyre. He died instantly, and thank Merlin. He couldn’t wait for the week ahead.
Harry: I can't wait to flee this fic.
Draco: Neither can I.
Guardian's Song: This fic has twenty-eight chapters. This is chapter three. :D
Harry and Draco: *long silence*
Draco: Potter... that alternate-dimensional counterpart of yours mentioned something about freeing people from compulsion...
Harry: Yeah... he did...
Guardian's Song: Oi, Mr. I'm-Awesome-At-The-Imperius and Mr. I'm-Going-To-Let-Myself-Be-Called-A-Vates-In-All-But-Name-Before-Trampling-On-A-Sentient-Creature's-Culture-(with Ron's help, admittedly)-And-Compelling-My-Way-Through-Gringotts, you two are hardly ones to be invoking -
Harry and Draco: VATES, SIR! PLEASE COME BACK!
Guardian's Song: *FACEPALM*
Harry: What?
You know, successfully performing the Cruciatus puts you in solid Dark wizard territory. And our favorite pointy-faced overrated spoiled brat! :D
Draco: Potter, I'm retiring from fandom.
You wish.
Disclaimer: Could not pay me to claim this fic as my own, JK Rowling owns HP and all related characters, and Lightning on the Wave/Limyaael owns the Sacrifices Arc in all its glory. All I own is this spork. :P
***
Taking a very quick moment to glance over his shoulder and make sure that Neville still had the other three arseholes held at wand’s length
Harry: What? Look, Neville's a great bloke, but I refuse to participate in an orgy with him. Canonically, I'm interested in Tom Riddle Gellert Grindelwald Sirius Regulus Percival Dumbledore my favorite stalking target, Draco Malfoy Albus Dumbledore girls.
Draco: I can FEEL your House Elves staring at me some nights.
Harry: That's just to make sure you don't get into any trouble, Draco. Who knows if you'll lapse back into your old ways? *staaaaaaaare*
Draco: ...All right, all right, I have Bella Swan's personality with added snottiness, but I don't deserve Edward Cullen! D:
- situational awareness for possible foes had been drilled into him by Severus
Harry: Yeah, absolutely. Every time he came near me, I contemplated trying to hex him to smithereens...
Draco: Ha. He would have painted the walls with your blood.
Harry: By "hex", I mean "Scourgify his hair".
Draco: *horrified gasp* You monster!
and Remus during his war training
Harry: This is a universe where he successfully fled Tonks, then?
Remus: GET HER OFF ME!
Tonks: But Remus! I love you!
Ron: *musing* This close, I'm reminded of Lavender. ...Lupin! I'll help!
- Harry turned his attention to the lumbering form of the bleeding and swearing Ron Weasley, coming at him again.
Guardian's Song: RONNIE! :D Your persistence is godly! <3~~~~ That's right, Ron. When all others have abandoned canon and sanity, YOU'RE there to fight the good fight and bring down those Sues. <3
...Y'know, this is kind of one of the reasons I have (as a semi-joke) Ron planned to be revealed as Aberforth's bastard son in most of my AU fics. Think of Aberforth's situation in canon during the summer of 1899. A brilliant, handsome, talented foreign (for the exoticness) berk swoops in from abroad and utterly distracts Albus the brilliant, handsome, talent English berk from his responsibilities to his loved ones in favor of being slashy and taking over the world. Meanwhile, Aberforth is an illiterate, misbehaving, sort of disturbed (flinging goat dung at people, really?) teenager who, to tell from the way he presents things, was never really on good terms with Albus. However, he also loved his sister dearly and was the only one with brains regarding the issue of dragging along an unbalanced, violently powerful girl on a world-conquering trip, and persisted in arguing until "wands came out" and he got Cruciated for his trouble. (This is, unfortunately, not a terribly inaccurate picture of how things go in powerful!Harry/Dark-wizard-of-author's-choice fic.) Aberforth is canonically fanon!Ron. XD (JKR had a LOT of fun writing the Dumbledore backstory, methinks. It's a great standalone, but when you notice the fanfic-snarking patterns... XD XD XD)
RONNIE FTW! :D
Thanking the providence that had led him to decide that this Saturday was the day that he was finally going to wear his new casual ensemble (that he’d bought in August), in his preparation for the lunch he and Draco were taking in Hogsmeade later that afternoon, Harry caught his ex-friend by the shoulders and brought his knee up to the other boy’s most prized possession, the Weasley Crown Jewels.
Guardian's Song: Considering that Ron challenges Stus again and again in badfic, regardless of their power or connections, said, ahem, Crown Jewels must be made of steel. Therefore, Harry just broke his knee. :D
It had been funny back in fifth year when Ron had called them that,
Harry: When'd he do that?
now it was just a sad reminder of a friendship forever spoiled. Harry had left it out for too long when he wandered off to contemplate the walls.
Draco: Who is she?
Harry: Dumbledore's sister.
Draco: *squints* She looks a bit like you, Potter. It's in the expression.
Harry: *gazes at Draco with a kind of vacant angstiness* I have no idea what you mean by that, Malfoy.
Harry had a form fitting white long-sleeved top on, one that hugged his fuller upper-body attributes and showed them off to their best appearance.
Guardian's Song: Remind me, why is it that breasts were supposed to improve his appearance, if he really is a ~*man*~ that just likes looking pretty? As any bishonen can tell you, breasts are not required to look like the prettiest woman who ever did waltz across the land.
Harry: BREASTS?
Guardian's Song: Uh... yeah...
Harry: =OUT OF CHEESE ERROR= =REBOOT, REBOOT=
Draco: ...If you say so, Potter, I'm not going to argue. *puts on boots and kicks him repeatedly*
Harry: That ISN'T what "reboot" means, Malfoy.
Draco: It worked, didn't it? How am I supposed to know what those Muggle terms mean?
{mini-snip more babbling about Harry's outfit}
At the time he was getting ready, it had seemed like just the right mix of casual and functional for what had become his regular Saturday lunch with Draco. They’d started going to Hogsmeade each Saturday not long after they’d starting taking goodly English courses and "sparring" regularly. That had been in the middle of September and it was now the first week of November. A robe to ward off the cold and he would have been out and proud on his way to meet Draco, had he not run into Ron and his small inter-house heckling posse.
Albus Dumbledore: You mean "inter-House". I have to suffer a small inter-house heckling posse.
Aberforth Dumbledore: *grumblesnarlscowl*
Ariana Dumbledore: Are you sure we can't permanently remove him from the house, Abby?
Albus: As I said...
His choice not to wear the skirt he had considered wearing as an alternative
Draco: *points and laughs*
Harry: *considers setting self aflame*
if the weather had been just a little warmer had been a fortunate one.
Combat trousers and free movement had been essential when Ron and another of his toadies
Harry: Ron? Toadies?
Draco: Weasley wouldn't know how to have toadies if they lined up behind him and began dancing the conga in nighties.
Harry: I'm imagining Crabbe and Goyle in nighties now. Thank you, Malfoy.
Draco: They Polyjuiced into girls their age every now and then, you know. I don't have problem with the idea of Polyjuiced Vincents and Gregories in nighties at all. *smirks*
had tried to maul him, saying, “If he liked looking like a girl then it was about time he started putting out like a girl.”
Harry: ...If he did that, Ginny would violently rip out his reproductive system on the spot, and Hermione would show up to use a variety of unpleasant curses once the wound had been cauterized. They would.
The disgusting goading of the rest of Ron’s small group had just seemed to cause things to get really ugly, really fast.
Harry: So... as a result of definitely sexual taunting, they tried to maul me? Yeah, sure, that makes perfect sense.
Guardian's Song: It's like the usual fanon insanity regarding Ariana in reverse. A six-year-old is being freakish and won't show us how she does it? "IT'S RAPE-O-CLOCK!" We're "goading" each other "disgusting"ly and making crude comments about the local transsexual? "We're going to maul him... her... thingy!" *scratches head* ...Someone please explain the fannish mind to me, because my Subtext Decoder ring doesn't work right.
He had been holding his own - he was ‘Hero of the Wizarding World’ for a reason, after all; DASH! NOT SEMICOLON! but the odds had not looked pretty until Neville Longbottom had turned into the corridor and had seen what was going on. Neville had seemed to finally remember he was a Gryffindor (for the first time since term started),
Harry: Actually, Neville would be the MOST likely to go against the crowd and do what he thought was right to BEGIN with. ...Which is why Hermione had to use a Full-Body Bind on him at the end of first year, but still...
and had Accio’d the wands of the heckling group,
Harry: WHY IS EVERYONE IN FANFIC TOO GOOD FOR SIMPLE DISARMING?!
Draco: And why do they forget that "Accio" is the incantation and the name is "Summoning Charm"?
leaving Harry free to deal with his attackers.
Considering Ron and Justin Finch-Fletchley
Harry: What did he ever do to the author?!
Draco: Exist?
had basically tried to rape him in the corridor,
Harry: Author? MAUL and RAPE are NOT the same thing. D'you think you could use the right word the FIRST time?
Guardian's Song: Actually, confusion between the two would explain a lot about a certain piece of fanon...
Harry felt no shame in using the considerable strength and skill
Draco: What?
his martial arts training had given him
Harry: WHAT?
to cause as much damage as he possible could
Ariana: In the butt?
Harry and Draco: WHAT?!
Ariana: Isn't that how it goes? o_o
to each of the other boy’s ability to reproduce.
Ariana: He had multiple ones?
Draco: Which boy?
Harry: I think Hermione explained what's going on with this sort of fic once... "Babelfish"?
Finch-Fletchley was still unconscious on the floor and would be lucky indeed if he didn’t end up walking with a permanent limp.
Draco: No, no! The line is "They call him Mary now."
Harry: WE DO NOT SPEAK ABOUT THE NAME "MARY"! WE JUST DON'T!
Ron shrieked like a pig being led to a butcher Pretty good description of how he gets treated in these fics, actually... and Harry stepped back, letting him slump to the floor of the corridor and curl into a foetal position. Voice shaking with adrenaline and anger, Harry said, “Just because I like dressing and acting the way I do, doesn’t mean that I hit like a girl.
Harry: *smirks* I'd like this doppelganger to say "hit like a girl" to Ginny's face.
Zacharias Smith: You mean "psychotically charging into someone while using a high-powered broom", Potter?
Harry: Yes, that's exactly what I mean, actually, Smith. ...Have you gotten to the stage of eating babies yet?
Zacharias Smith: If Rowling ever writes an eighth book, I'm sure I'll do that in my sole cameo.
“More to the point, who the fuck do you think you are that you can attack a fellow pupil like that, irrespective REGARDLESS of their gender or sexual preference?”
Ron: Who cares about that? I'm attacking you because you're a flaming STU! ...Or are you a Sue? 8( Bloody hell, this is getting confusing.
Turning to address Neville, Harry said, “Thanks, Neville. I appreciate that you’ve been uncomfortable with me lately
Harry: As are all the readers. ...Right? RIGHT?
Guardian's Song: Uh, actually, this is getting mostly glowing reviews.
Draco: Even though I'm apparently chums with Potter?
Guardian's Song: Just CHUMS? *CACKLES* Your sheltered upbringing is showing, Draco. Do you know what "The Hex Files" is an archive for?
Draco: HP fanfic.
Guardian's Song: >:) More specifically. Look at the header.
Draco: Why?
Guardian's Song: Oh, no reason.
and how I have been choosing to express my true self now that I am free to do so, so I do appreciate you stepping in to help me.
“Are you okay there while I call for some teachers?”
Neville briefly smiled at him and said, “I’m more than fine here, Harry… I'm FABULOUS.
Guardian's Song: More seriously, guess what Neville's sexual orientation is, given that he's not a rotten bastard anymore. Just guess.
and thanks for not calling me a complete prat for being an idiot for the last few weeks.”
Harry: What about "completely OOC"?
Harry grinned slightly and said, “As long as you promise not to be a prat any more,
Harry: "Neville" goes together with "prat" about as well as "Ron" and "toadies".
Draco: Precisely. Longbottom does not have the finesse to be a prat.
Harry: That word does not mean what you think it means.
Young!Aberforth: Actually, it does. They're shameless *******s.
Young!Gellert: Excuse me? Did you just compare me to Draco Malfoy? Albus, this must count as spitting on me. Not to mention you, since he's suggesting you would be attracted to Malfoy.
Harry: *blood pounds in ears* It is therefore RANDOM CRUCIO TIMEZ NAO?
Young!Gellert: Precisely.
then I think we can work through things and be better friends than before.
{mini-snip}
Pressing his wand to his throat, Harry cast the Sonorous Charm and said, “Headmaster Dumbledore and all Heads of House, this is the Head Boy.
Snape: Head Boy, this is the Head of Slytherin House. Keep your inter-House squabbles to yourself.
“There has been an attempted rape of a school pupil.
Ron: Actually, when I said I'd stick my spork in you, I meant it LITERALLY.
The perpetrators are currently under the watch of both myself and Gryffindor seventhHYPHENyear pupil, Neville Longbottom.
“Please make your way to the corridor leading from the classroom on the third floor of the South Wing as soon as possible.”
As Harry cast the counter-charm to counter his Sonorous,
Richard: Paging the Redundancy Department of Redundancy on their personnel-issued pagers...
Harry: And it's Quietus, if I recall right.
Neville actually laughed. “I missed you, Harry. Don’t ever change.
Harry: Well, actually, my personality was mauled by the Suethor at the beginning of the fic, thanks.
Don’t ever let anyone make you change.”
Harry: I suppose it could be worse - I could be Malfoy. How are those leather pants chafing? And are you too envious of Ginny for stealing your one true soulmate away from you?
Draco: She stole my mirror?! I'll kill that blood-traitor! ...Or maybe just give her a paper cut, I'm squeamish. *wibble*
The faint sound of quickly approaching footsteps could be heard. Harry winked at Neville COMMA! who winked back.
**
The Hogsmeade weekend ended up being summarily cancelled;
Draco: They didn't do that for the attempted murders of students! ...Or the attempted murder of a student by a crazed Hipppogriff. *Bambi eyes*
Harry: God, Draco, you're just as much of a drama queen as Cassandra Claire portrayed you.
Draco: *sneers* Well, Potter, you're just as much of a closeted homosexual pining over his faaaaaaabulous secret crush as she portrayed you, too. She just confused me with Dumbledore.
all pupils were confined to their Common Rooms to await an address by their respective Heads of House. From his prison cell, Ronald Weasley grinned as he clutched at his wounded bits. Sure, he had to sacrifice himself, but now the entire school wanted the Stu's... Sue's... whatever's head on a platter. Inevitable checkmate within a few turns, "Harry". Your move.
Dumbledore had been as stern as Harry ever remembered seeing him (outside of the war) when he had seen the aftermath of the corridor incident. All four of the Heads of House had been practically apoplectic with anger and disgust at what had come so close to happening.
Draco: (Snape) Weasley was so close! *shakes fist in anger* Curse you, Longbottom!
Harry and Neville had given their testimony, and the three boys facing lesser charges of only ‘inciting’ the attempted assault had been quick to turn on the two that had done the actual assaulting. "We DIDN'T rape that six-year-old! We don't know where you lot got that idea, but we just beat the living daylights out of her and told her what a stupid little freak she was! She deserved it!" They never did figure out how three Muggles got into the courtroom.
Their houses had their house points totals wiped to zero, making the Sue/Stu/thingy's demise imminent, there was a permanent note going in their academic records, and their parents had been summoned to Hogwarts to be made aware of what their children had done.
Ron Weasley and Justin Finch-Fletchley had been left untreated; their wounds had been ones that Harry had inflicted in self defence.
Harry: I was unaware we just left people to suffer because they were rotters. Could we have left Malfoy to bleed to death from the cut in his arm, then? After we propped open the wound, of course, in "self-defense" of Buckbeak.
Draco: Ha ha. Very funny, Potter.
Harry: I was just saying. I didn't mean it literally. Look, I'm not a killer. Compeller? Yes! Torturer? FUN TIMES! Killer? Noooooo. Even Voldemort has to be killed by a rebounding curse. Can't damage my soul, after all.
Draco: The way Rowling goes on about it, you'd think it was your magical hymen.
Harry: You'd think my soul would be damaged from Horcrux-destruction, actually. Tom Riddle was more of a person than Voldemort, and yet I stabbed him through the... er... pages with a basilisk fang... oh well, Earth Logic is my Kryptonite, so...
Treatment had needed to wait until a team from the Ministry could arrive. The exact nature of each wound had needed to be catalogued by the Aurors before medical personnel from St. Mungo’s could treat them. It was all going to be evidence in their criminal trial, after all.
Harry: Why couldn't Madame Pomfrey do it?
Both boys had been expelled from the school, effective immediately.
Snape: Do you know how hard it is to get expelled from Hogwarts? Aside from Potter the younger having survived through six years, recall that Black didn't get expelled for attempted murder.
Sirius: Aw, come on, Snivellus, it was a prank.
Snape: One that might have resulted in my death or infection with lycanthrophy. You are aware it's a criminal offense to aid a werewolf in infecting a human with lycanthrophy, aren't you?
Sirius: What?! I wasn't-
Snape: I could have made quite a persuasive argument for it in court. IF DUMBLEDORE HAD EVER ALLOWED IT TO GO TO COURT, instead of protecting his dear little pranksters and pet school werewolf. *seethes*
Aberforth: Of course he protected pranksters. Pranksters are his type.
Snape: ...*winces* Yes... of course... I forgot about that.
Sirius: And what's that supposed to mean?!
Aberforth: Put it this way. Has he ever asked you to put on a curly blond wig and give him one of your dazzling roguish grins?
Molly and Arthur Weasley had come to collect their son. Molly had left with Ron and the Aurors, Arthur had not. When she had spitefully announced that the ungrateful deviant that had betrayed their world had deserved whatever Ron and Justin had planned to do to him,
Harry: Actually, she would sacrifice Ron to the Dark gods of housekeeping and family harmony.
Draco: What Dark gods?
Harry: Have you SEEN her when angered? They MUST be Dark.
Arthur Weasley had informed her he was sickened with the bile she had been spouting for the last couple of months, and
Harry: - she promptly cowed him and had him smiling painfully and nodding along with everything she said within five minutes.
that he was going to file for divorce the next day.
Harry: And she was great and terrible, and all loved her and despaired, and Mr. Weasley immediately said he was just joking.
*poofs in* Hello. I was informed an entire (very large) family in this dimension was being held under compulsion by one of its members. I'm obliged to investigate.
Harry: Who are you?
...Harry Polaris Black, vates.
Draco: There's a definite resemblance to you, Potter - I prefer the handsome bastard over there, though.
Harry, do you have any idea why a teenage Dark Lady has latched onto my leg and is asking me if I'm "Alby and Gelly's" son? For that matter, do you have any idea who "Alby and Gelly" are?
Ariana: The overwhelming smugness is unmistakable! You must be their son! Hi, nephew! :D
No, I don't.
Harry: ...Power... such power... and a whiff of Darkness... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANDSOMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...
You must be my... dimensional counterpart... I'm bonded, stop looking at me like that... I am distinctly... unnerved...
Harry: Haaaaaaaaaandsomeeeeeee... Wait, why are YOU so powerful and not me?
Internal barrier shattering and magical heirship from Voldemort... it's complicated to explain. Basically, I absorbed some of Voldemort's magic -
Harry: Oh, my wand did that! :D *pulls out wand* So, my wand's Voldemort's magical heir?
O_O ...Never mind, I'm just going to investigate this family.
I'm coming along too, Harry! *runs after, though a tad hindered due to Ariana clinging to him*
Draco: ...That was odd.
Harry: Very odd. *peers at wand* So you're Voldemort's magical heir? ...My life just keeps getting stranger.
If he was needed as a character witness for Harry, he could be reached care of his twin sons, and that he would be staying with Fred and George for the foreseeable future.
Harry: Hmm... yeah, they're probably working together on modified Muggle technology. ...I'm moving to Australia with Ginny until they retire, I think. Just in case England gets blown to smithereens. >_o
Justin’s parents had been disgusted with their son’s behaviour and had been berating him since they arrived. In fact, they were still doing so when the Aurors took them all away.
That was what the gist of what the school was being informed about this evening. Well, that and the fact that intolerance and discrimination were not acceptable at the school, not now and not ever again.
Harry: Then why does Malfoy get away with saying "Mudblood" and "blood traitor"?!
Draco: Because I do it with style.
Harry: Don't start believing your own hype. In canon, you're an overgrown toddler.
Draco: In canon, Potter, if you were any less functional, you'd spend all your time banging your head against the wall and shrieking.
Harry: Hey, actually, if I'd done that, I might destroyed the scar Horcrux in OoTP...
Draco: *FACEPALM*
Intolerance and looking the other way as fellow pupils had been tormented had gone a long way toward starting the recent war.
Harry: Stop doing the put-upon act, Snape. You gave as good as you got.
Snape: When did I attempt to feed Black to a werewolf, pray tell? And attack your father's group four-on-one? (Or are you saying one of me was as dangerous as four of them?)
Harry: Excuse me. You gave as good as you got to eleven-year-olds. Real manly, that.
It would never be tolerated again. Anyone found to behaving in such a goodspeak Englishy manner would find themselves severely reprimanded.
Snape: And then let off with a twinkle and a Lemon Drop.
Harry had refused to make a statement to the school about the discrimination he had suffered, neither did he insist on any special provisions for him for the remainder of the school year.
Guardian's Song: ...Unfortunately, I must now give kudos to Ayn Rand. She had a villain be oh-so-modest in a way that made it very clear that he was doing it to attention-whore. (Ellsworth Toohey, if you're curious. The Fountainhead >>>>>>> Atlas Shrugged. Why, Rand even portrayed the female equivalent of John Galt as a very effed-up, self-destructive, nihilistic, disturbed woman, and admitted that the entire "integrity" thing will often not lead to material success [in fact, the exact opposite]. Rand pretty much did a 180 between books.)
He could take care of himself, after all.
Snape: *DIES LAUGHING*
Ron: *crazed laughter*
Hermione: *demented giggling*
The Scar Horcrux: )8 Why does everyone forget about meeeeeeeeee...
Harry: NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME.
TSH: I do! I gave you a channel into Voldemort's mind, and produced that spurt of magic above the Tonkses' (the WAND?! That was clearly me! I'm the one who GENUINELY has some of Voldemort's magic, after all! D:), and -
Harry: *abandons under seat at King's Cross*
TSH: *cries and flails*
He had been doing it for a long, long while.
Old!Aberforth: Nah, I don't believe that. He'd have more scars on his hands from slicing himself with a mirror shard if he had.
Dumbledore had excused him from Head Boy duties for the next week,
Snape: Perfectly in-character, I agree.
stating that it was high time that the Head Girl began to act in a manner befitting her prefect status.
Aberforth: Snideness for no reason save to give his favorite a jolt of sadistic glee? Yeah, that's Albus, all right.
Eyes twinkling at him, Dumbledore had told him he had ‘the week off’.
In fact, he had gone further and said that Harry was excused classes for the next week
Snape: That's overboard even for Dumbledore. ...I never thought those words would come out of my mouth.
and had permission to use the Floo access in the hHeadmaster’s private quarters
Draco: D:
Harry: A warm feeling rushed through Harry at the Headmaster's generosity, this sign of favor -
Draco: This sign he fancies you, more like!
Harry: He does? Can we bond over our relatives' graves?
Draco: O_O *scoots far, FAR away from Harry*
Snape: I was unaware he liked them that young.
Albus: Even were we the same age in this fic... I am afraid the breasts, ah, disqualify it...
to head into Muggle or Wizarding London for a break. Harry was definitely tempted to take him up on that offer.
Draco: D: D: D:
So far, the only thing that had made this last year of school bearable had been his friendship and slowly growing relationship with Draco Malfoy.
Draco: D: D: D: D: D:!!!
Harry: Stop attention-whoring, Malfoy. You'll run out of sizes if you keep doing that.
Draco: D:
Harry: I stand corrected.
As if Harry’s thoughts had summoned him, Harry heard a familiar knock at the door to his Head Boy quarters.
Draco: A familiar knock? X( ...I am only comforted by the thought of Rita Skeeter having a field day.
A Certain Beetle: *has been present for the entire sporking*
Draco was here.
Draco: I am not comforted by the thought of Rita Skeeter having a field day!
Smiling, Harry moved to open the door and gasped when Draco forcefully grabbed at his hips and
A Certain Beetle: *mentally plotting future biography of Harry Potter out* -pressed his own against Harry's, prompting an ecstatic moan -
Draco: I feel as if I have just been defiled, and I have no idea why.
Harry: You too? That's weird...
pushed him firmly into his living room,
A Certain Beetle: *mentally* Ah, well, this is what they call "filling in the blanks". *does not remove previous insertion*
kicking his door shut with the back of his heel. Unbalanced, he fell flat on his face. Potter then proceeded to run around screaming that he had broken a nail, and would surely die. As he had broken said toenail on Malfoy's face, Malfoy was screaming even more loudly that he would bleed to death from the one-centimeter cut on his cheek.
Much less dramatically forceful, Draco gently turned him to lean against the nowHYPHENshut door, hands thoroughly and gently exploring Harry’s body,
Guardian's Song: Mm-hmm. The first thing everyone wants after being nearly gang-raped is to be forced into a room, pinned against a door, and groped.
and saying, “Are you sure you are all right, Harry?
“Those bastards didn’t touch you, did they? I’ll kill them if they did.”
Harry felt his heart flip-flop in his chest as he realised that Draco was sincere in his threat. Draco was that concerned about him… that protective.
Harry: No, he's Bella Swan and I'm Edward Cullen! Not the other way around!
Draco: Incidentally, you don't dazzle me.
Harry: I could be Jacob, actually.... I hear it's very sexy amongst the werewolves in Twilight to nearly rip your mate to shreds .
Draco: If you imprint on me, Potter, I'll whap you over the head with a rolled-up Daily Prophet. Are you even house-trained?
Harry: If I had to live in your house for long, I'd probably pretend not to be...
Pressing his hands gently to Draco’s shoulders, Harry looked up into the silver fire in Draco’s eyes
Syaoran: *extinguishes and eats*
and softly admitted, “They tried. Things might have been a lot worse if Neville hadn’t come by and evened the odds a little.
Ron: I nearly had the spork in it! Nearly! I just wasn't expecting Neville to have been suborned...
“They tried to take something from me that wasn’t theirs to take.
Guardian's Song: No, the fucking problem is that they tried to violate you, not that they tried to take your virginity, idiot!
I didn’t let them.”
Guardian's Song: There were only two of them! How hard is it, o Savior of the Wizarding World, to scream "Expelliarmus, Expelliarmus, Stupefy, Stupefy, Petrificus Totalis, Petrificus Totalis!"?
“Merlin, Harry…” Draco’s voice trailed off and the older boy pulled him towards his body.
He could take care of himself - as he had so emphatically proved today - but Harry liked the feeling of comfort he got by being wrapped up in Draco’s arms. Completely unselfconsciously, Harry wrapped his arms round the taller boy’s waist and soaked up the strength and security that Draco was clearly wanting and needing to offer him.
Draco: Do I dazzle you?
Harry: You aren't Edward Cullen or Jacob Black, Malfoy, and I won't break my fist if I punch you. Keep that in mind.
Draco pressed a kiss to his hair and softly said, “When Snape informed us all what had nearly happened…” Draco’s arms tightened their hold and Harry snuggled closer, murmuring, “I’m fine, Draco, I promise I’m fine.”
Harry let Draco move them to his couch, automatically curling into Draco’s side when Draco lifted his arm to let Harry get closer.
Guardian's Song: This is incidentally a lot more tolerable if you think of them as Sims.
*selects Draco* *clicks on couch* "Sit Down" *clicks on Harry* "Call Over" "Lift Arm"
*selects Harry* "Curl Into Side".
(Harry and Draco) ++
He smiled when Draco tentatively mentioned that Snape had passed on another message, this time one solely for him, and that had been that Dumbledore had given him the same week off that he had given Harry.
Draco: And Kreacher shall fly!
Kreacher: The Dark Lord is dead, Master Regulus is avenged, and as such, I am no longer under any obligation to serve the blood-traitor and his friends unless he recalls my name, which should happen.. about every few months. Goodbye, filth! *catches plane to Tahiti*
Draco: I mean... AND PIGS SHALL FLY!
Ministry Official: I'll have you know, Aberforth, that's an inappropriate charm.
Middle-aged!Aberforth: Hogsmeade is Wizarding territory! (Why the hell else do you think I live here? It certainly isn't to be closer to Albus)
Ministry Official: Yes, but that's... just... wrong.
Goats: *flapping about above the Hog's Head* BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Draco: ...Those still aren't pigs. Those still aren't pigs. *degenerates into hysterical giggling*
Harry: Always knew he was unstable...
{mini-snip}
Draco’s long, slender fingers
Harry: Ah, he's Tom Riddle in disguise. ...Suddenly, I do not have so many objections to this fic.
Draco: *still having a near-breakdown, but manages to scoot further away from Harry*
stilled his own and Harry gasped softly when Draco raised them to his lips, gently kissing the pad of each finger in turn.
“I don’t intend to spend just some time with you, Harry, I intend to spend all of it. It’s the perfect chance for us to get to know each other a lot better.”
Harry: Yeah, but I sort of mind your method of implanting yourself in my forehead.
Guardian's Song: That's not Tom Riddle.
Harry: It makes it easier to read. He's evil, of course. That's the only reason I'm observing him so closely. I need to see what evil he's up to. *stalks*
{mini-snip}
Draco firmly cut him off and said, “Don’t you dare be anything other than
Harry: (Edward Cullen!Draco) - what I say you are, Bella. Don't you DARE. *cracks knuckles*
the wonderful, kind, gorgeous boy that you are, Harry Potter.
Draco: *recovers enough to do a falsetto imitation of fic!Harry* But I'm not a little boy, Daddy. I'm a little girl.
Harry: That does explain a lot about you, Malfoy.
Draco: Shut up.
“In fact,” said Draco, as he slowly disentangled himself from Harry and rose to his feet, “If I am going to be spending an entire week with the prettiest boy I know, I need to go do some packing of my own.”
{mini-snip. Draco calls Harry "gorgeous". Harry is scooting away from Draco. Draco vows never to eat anything given "to seal our truce" by Weasley again. Look, it's not my fault you misused the Daydream Charm, basically went sleepwalking, and mistook Harry for your own reflection.}
Once the door had closed behind Draco’s departing form, Harry whirled round and headed for his bedroom to assess his belongings. What did one pack for a week’s free time with the boy that had become your best friend, and who could quite possibly become something far more precious if Fate smiled on them both?
Harry: *in-character* *wonders if he should scrape out the rotten mulch and glass shards from the bottom of his trunk*
Draco: Reason #281910 I would never date Potter in canon: He has a House-El, yet he makes the filthiest of the Weasleys seem orderly and well-groomed...
**
The next morning, Harry let Draco lead him hand-in-hand through the quiet and empty corridors that led to Dumbledore’s private quarters.
A Certain Beetle: *would be grinning ear-to-ear at the scandal of the century if she were in human form*
A beaming Dobby had already followed Draco’s instruction and taken Harry’s Muggle suitcase (and his vanity case with his makeup)
Harry: *tries to stab self with wand* *fails*
Draco: There's nothing wrong with a bit of -
Harry: WHAT?!
Draco: Honestly, Potter, even your Muggle movie stars use just a tad. Despite what you may think, I can't naturally look this perfect around the clock.
on ahead to the Leaky Cauldron. Draco had booked them two adjoining rooms there for their free week. Aberforth, after spending five minutes with Draco Malfoy, had generously donated the biggest, nastiest fleas on his premises to the happy couple, much to Rosemerta's anger.
Draco looked casually refined
Draco: As I always do.
in dark grey linen trousers, a grey silk shirt, and a lovely tailored blazer.
Albus: And not a speck of purple or midnight blue to be seen. I am severely disappointed if this is what passes for 'fashionable' at Hogwarts in the future. *shakes head sadly*
Harry had felt a firm pull of wondering attraction as he realised that Draco was clearly as eager about spending time with him as he was with Draco,
Draco: Which is to say, not at all.
and that he had dressed to impress.
His heart had thrilled at the frank appreciation in Draco’s gaze the first time he saw Harry in the ensemble that - Harry was man enough to admit - he had chosen solely because he hoped it might please Draco.
Harry: *HEADDESK*
Draco: Oh, now you are banging your head against things, Potter... Should I make sure you don't hurt yourself?
Harry: If you're suggesting I have certain disabilities, Malfoy, I'll be sure to have an extremely violent meltdown. And guess who's the only other person in this room?
Draco: Given your sanity... your invisible friend Moofy?
Harry had chosen to keep his hair loose today, with his fringe hanging to accent the subtle makeup job he had done on his face. His lipstick was a fuller red than he normally wore, but it had been specifically chosen to match his outfit.
Rather than just functional underwear, Harry had chosen to celebrate the week of freedom they had both been given, and had gone without any underwear whatsoever to his lingerie drawer. He had a lacy white bra on underneath the figure hugging a Pygmy Puff white cashmere pullover he had on. The garter belt, panties OXFORD COMMA and white tights Harry was wearing matched the bra, obviously.
Harry: I feel like walking in front of a Killing Curse.
Draco: Too much more of this, and I'll gladly do that for you before turning my wand upon myself.
His pullover was tucked inside the mini kilt he had chosen to wear.
Guardian's Song: Oi! Kilts are NOT skirts, you know! They're MEN'S clothing!
He was not a hundred percent certain over the name of the tartan. He had found it in the ladies’ section of one of the uncounted tourist woollen mill shops that could be found the length and breadth of the Muggle UK, and not just in Scotland as one might have expected. It was as close to a Gryffindor red tartan as he had been able to get.
The kilt came to six inches above his knees and it looked spectacular, if he did say so himself. His kilt pin had small rubies embedded in the silver. When he had finished his outfit off with a red leather strappy handbag and his red leather ankle boots, the ones with three inch red heels, Harry had been delighted with the way he had looked right before he fell flat on his face when he tried to take a step. He especially loved having the chance to wear his heels. He only really got to wear them when relaxing in his rooms. He didn’t find them conducive to walking along the stone corridors of Hogwarts all day.
Harry: I don't find this fic conducive to my sanity, either.
By the time Harry had brought his attention back to the here and now and away from his daydreaming, Dumbledore had already shoved a spork into his gut bid them a safe trip and given a fond goodbye to them both.
Harry couldn’t help but give a bit of a nervous sigh as Draco moved to get the Floo powder. This would be the first time that he had been in the Wizarding area of London since school had started back. His new look had been reported in the newspapers but that was not the same as seeing him in person. Distant members of the Weasley clan readied their sporks. This could be quite a fight... especially with the Stu's... Sue's... thingy's ability to slow time with clothing descriptions.
“Nervous?” asked Draco.
“A little,” admitted Harry.
Draco temporarily deposited the small pot of Floo powder on the nearest table and moved to stand in front of him.
“Don’t be,” said Draco, simply. “If they can’t accept you for the beautiful person that you are, irrespective REGARDLESS of your outward appearance, then it is their loss and not yours. THEY'RE JUST JEALOUS!!111!”
Draco gently tugged him forward by the hips until they were flush against each other
Draco: I can't look.
and moved his lips to within millimetres of Harry’s own,
Harry: Neither can I.
whispering, “Here’s a kiss for luck, Harry.”
The kiss that they shared this time was not the gentle kisses of days and weeks past.
Draco and Harry: WE'RE NOT LOOKING!
This one was more powerful, more real somehow. Harry stood on tiptoe to return the kiss with his full heart, stomach clenching slightly as he read this fanfic - You looked! he realised that one of Draco’s hands had instinctively moved round to cup his rear and hold him close.
Even with the heavy material of his kilt as a barrier, Harry could feel Draco’s arousal hardening against him, and his own slowly hardening erection felt rather strange, wonderfully so, as it was contained in its lacy prison.
Guardian's Song: EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH LITTLE MISS MARY LITTLE MISS MARY KILL IT WITH FIRE KILLITWITHFIRE - *stops shrieking for long enough to think, then tosses Ariana Dumbledore at it* Kill it with Ariana! :D
Ariana: *BOOM*
{this portion of the fic was destroyed by means of Ariana Dumbledore}
Draco stepped into the fireplace and, just before calling out his intended destination of The Leaky Cauldron; he blew Harry a kiss and said, “See you in a minute, gorgeous.”
Harry was smiling when he took his own turn in the fireplace, which was actually burning with Fiendfyre. He died instantly, and thank Merlin. He couldn’t wait for the week ahead.
Harry: I can't wait to flee this fic.
Draco: Neither can I.
Guardian's Song: This fic has twenty-eight chapters. This is chapter three. :D
Harry and Draco: *long silence*
Draco: Potter... that alternate-dimensional counterpart of yours mentioned something about freeing people from compulsion...
Harry: Yeah... he did...
Guardian's Song: Oi, Mr. I'm-Awesome-At-The-Imperius and Mr. I'm-Going-To-Let-Myself-Be-Called-A-Vates-In-All-But-Name-Before-Trampling-On-A-Sentient-Creature's-Culture-(with Ron's help, admittedly)-And-Compelling-My-Way-Through-Gringotts, you two are hardly ones to be invoking -
Harry and Draco: VATES, SIR! PLEASE COME BACK!
Guardian's Song: *FACEPALM*