The Thrill of Defeat, Part One
The Thrill of Defeat
By Cori Falls
Alternate Title: Failure Is Good, Success Is Unimportant, And Children's-Show Characters F***ing Curse Up A G*dd*mn Storm
So, let’s start out with one that I’ve already seen sporked, just so I know what I’m in for. This is in the relatively sane era, by the way, so no need to worry about psychosis… yet.
[From far in the future of the beginning of this sporking, I apologize for this sporking being mostly my blithering instead of commentary by the sporkers. Sorry. It’s just that… there’s a lot to discuss in this fic. I’m really sorry…]
Today’s sporkers will be the next-gen Rocket OCs Jerry and Tom. Hopefully neither of them will be too scarred.
A magenta-haired teenager, already seated at the sporking table, frowns. “Why would we have to be worried if this is in the sane era?”
You get to enjoy a Cori Falls Romance.
“Ugh,” a tough-looking teenager says, resting his elbows on the table and running his hands through his bristly, sandy-blond hair. “Can’t stand romances.”
Believe me, even if you do like romances, this is… interesting…
Anyway. Just remember, you two, that these are merely characters physically resembling Jessie and James, not them.
The girl groaned and covered her face with one hand. “Now you decide to have us spork a fanfic from home?”
Better late than never, right?
“But they’re -”
As I said, doppelgangers.
The tough-looking teenager raised an eyebrow. “And’re ‘doppelgangers’ of my parents in this fic, too?”
Fortunately, Cori Falls doesn’t like them much - so yes, they’re spared. Thank whatever gods of thievery watch over them for that.
“Why don’t these gods of thievery watch over my parents?”
Well, in the AU you’re from, they reformed. Tom’s didn’t. Hence the gods of thievery don’t offer them protection any more. :P
Now, on the count of three…
ONE FOR THE MONEY!
TWO FOR THE SHOW!
THREE TO GET READY!
AND HERE! WE! GO!
The Thrill of Defeat
by Cori Falls
@->->-
"Oh, well! We're blasting off with a beautiful bang!" Jessie, Meowth, and I
cried in unison as we were launched out of Indigo Stadium by the force of the
firework bomb that had detonated at our feet.
Guardian’s Song: I would like to remind you all, or inform you if you don’t know, that Cori Falls expects us to take injuries from Pokémon attacks Very Seriously. This is part of her reasoning for Ash being a horrible, horrible person, since he lets Pikachu Thundershock Team Rocket. It’s a bit hard to square this with a bomb exploding with enough force to send two teenagers and a cat flying out of a Stadium and yet leaving them largely unharmed…
Ever since the annual Pokemon League Games had begun three weeks earlier, we'd
been doing our damndest to enter the competition so that we could show the world
what great trainers we really are,
Tom: So why’d they keep getting beat by a ten-year-old ‘n’ his Pikachu?
Jerry: Why do we keep getting beaten by a ten-year-old and his Charmander?
Tom: *grumble*
and in our spare time, we'd been trying to
catch some of the powerful pokemon that belonged to the other trainers! And
tonight was no exception. Even though our latest Pikachu-catching plans had been
foiled by Ash and his twerpy new friend that afternoon, we didn't let it get us
down -- we just took it on the chin like we always do
Tom: (James) Or on the rear, or in the gut, or upside the head - we’d like to be picky, but beggars can’t be choosers.
and decided to go back to
Indigo Stadium so that we could make an appearance at the closing ceremonies.
Unfortunately, while Jessie and I were tunneling into the stadium, some of the
explosives from the fireworks display overhead caused a cave-in and dropped into
the tunnel...and that's about where we came in.
@->->-
None of us were hurt when we landed in a forest several miles away from the
Indigo Plateau. Blasting off is standard operating procedure by now -- we're
used to it.
Guardian’s Song: *facepalm* Several MILES away? Oh, wow, this just keeps getting better, doesn’t it? No, people and Pokémon can actually get injured in battles, it’s Serious Business, that’s why Ash is a total psychopath rather than just a kid used to a world where massive explosions don’t really have terrible consequences, a Thundershock is effectively equivalent, perhaps, to a hand buzzer, and people can go soaring out of sight and not suffer more than a few bruises when they hit the ground. Really, Serious Business. Whatever do you mean, this is inconsistent with people surviving totally unharmed after being hit with a bomb blast that sent them soaring several miles away?
But wounded pride hurts more than most physical injuries, and we're
most certainly not used to that yet.
Tom: Would expect that t’ be your constant state by now.
Especially Jessie.
As Meowth built a fire and began to set up camp, I looked over at Jessie, who
was sitting some distance away and gazing up at the night sky. Her back was
turned to us, but from the way she was trembling, I could tell that she was
crying.
Jerry: *narrating* “Why?” she asked the night sky. “Why must I appear in badfic?”
I felt a dull ache in my heart as I watched her. I wanted to take Jessie in my
arms and make all of her pain go away.
Tom: (James) *takes out Hyper Potion and spritzes Jessie with it* You’re now fighting fit! I hope to see you again!
I wanted to be her hero, her protector,
Jerry: Oh, he is a hero and protector these days. Very respected.
Everyone says he carries off the Officer Jenny uniform very well, too.
the brave, strong man who makes everything okay,
Guardian’s Song: …Must I explain why I can’t think of anything to say?
Fine, then - not one of the three Team Rockets members qualifies as “the brave, strong [one] who makes everything okay”. They’re goofballs! Besides, they’re actually pretty equal. James and Jessie and Meowth all grab hold of each other when they’re panicking or blasting off (if I recall correctly) rather than Jessie swooning into James’s arms or whatnot. You’d think this was a good thing.
That said, I think Jessie would be as likely to be comforting James as the other way around. I mean, assuming she wasn’t whapping him over the head. Same for Meowth. It’s 4:00 AM and I’m doing homework on the side, I beg tiredness and a fried brain.
The next day, after a nap, I’d like to explain that I was trying to come up with a nuanced, reasonable answer, rather than just laughing hysterically at the thought of James being “the brave, strong man who makes everything okay”. Yes, James is entirely capable of having a moment where he drops the goofiness, stands firm, and pulls the entire team out of their ‘all hope is lost’ funk through his inspirational example… but you know what? Jessie and Meowth are equally capable of the same. In fact, I’m pretty sure they’ve all had such moments. Furthermore, sometimes the entire team does it simultaneously to someone else when they’re in one of the ‘Team Rocket is actually being helpful’ episodes. For all that they’ve had their episode-long arguments, disagreements, and drama, Team Rocket tends to act as a unit, rather than three different people who just happen to hang around each other. I would think that, for Rocket fans, that would be part of the appeal - that no one is the person who makes everything okay and is the clear star of the show.
Huh. Just thought of something funny. If you give in to the goofball!Ron, aggressive!Hermione, and snarky!Harry characterizations often seen in fanon (and in some of the canon -_-;;) - Ron is James, Hermione is Jessie, and Harry is Meowth. :P Actually, since James has a level of quirkiness and goofiness usually reserved for comic-relief sidekicks, protagonists of trios usually get mapped to Meowth by a process of elimination. Especially since he has an ability seen almost nowhere else in the canon (a non-telepathic Pokémon speaking a human language) - good heavens! MEOWTH is the leader of the Trio! XD
(If, when I get back, Harpsi-fizz reads this, by way of apologizing for my obvious James-het sympathies - depending upon how Rowling is feeling that day, you could actually switch that to aggressive!Harry and snarky!Hermione. Hence, under the character correspondences, James/Jessie actually pulls back to Ron/Harry. :P Afraid I can’t do much on the Ron/Draco front, since the closest one could get is that, under the mirror-world logic with Team Rocket as the protagonists and Ash’s team as irritating “twerps”, Ash is Draco. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go repair my mind’s eye, since the thought of James/Ash just dislocated my childhood’s shoulder…)
but I hesitated.
Get real, James! You know Jess hates it when people see her like this! If you go
over there and try to talk to her, you'll probably just make things worse! I
told myself.
Tom: So th’ author knows canon, but writes ‘em off-kilter anyway?
Jerry: Isn’t it considered a bad sign when the characters start to fight the plot?
Guardian’s Song: Oi, have you ever read Midnight Sun? You can actually see Meyer’s own characters persistently attempting to fight off the Bella/Edward plot. And Meyer’s word IS canon!
For a moment, I was able to convince myself that Jessie could take care of
herself and that she'd be okay in a few minutes.
Jerry: …You mean you convinced yourself of the truth?
But then, I got to thinking
about why she was crying.
We'd already accepted the fact that we didn't make it into Pokemon League this
year, but the final round and the closing ceremonies today had done a painfully
good job of driving the point home. Tonight's humiliating blast-off had been
like reopening a wound that was beginning to heal and pouring alcohol into it.
Guardian’s Song: Well, as alcohol is a disinfectant, there might be circumstances under which one might want to do that, particularly if the partially-healed wound was showing signs of infection.
Granted, Meowth and I were upset about losing this opportunity too, but Jessie
had wanted to compete more than we did. This was her dream -- something she'd
been striving for ever since she was a little girl.
Guardian’s Song: But Jessie has so many of those… and they all go to pot.
Um, yes, if Pokémon didn’t run off of Shonen Logic, what I just said might be hideously depressing, but here’s something even worse, from the games - when a ten-year-old boy just walks through a place he’s never been to before, he runs a fairly high risk of having several psychos run up to him and attempt a mugging. You don’t believe Pokémon battles are mugging? Then why is it that, when you lose, your assailant takes half your money, and you black out before waking up at the local hospital?
I’m just saying that, if you focus on various parts of the Pokémon world while removing the “It’s just a game/cartoon series, people” factor and adding in a dose of taking everything Very Seriously, you could make it out to be the most grim, dark, and depressing land of savagery and inhumanity ever. Same for any shonen series based entirely around battling… and then it all gets very irritating and philosophical if the author notices this and decides to “deconstruct” this, “deconstruction” being a codeword for “Like Atlas Shrugged, except that instead of writing an oversimplified world where absolutely anyone can launch into a spontaneous-but-flawless speech going on for several pages, all of the villains are deranged psychopathic idiots (indistinguishable from Cassandra Clare protagonists), and all the heroes have flaws that only serve to accentuate their inherent nobility, dignity of spirit, and the extent to which they surpass the common man, all to explain why Objectivism is The Most Awesome Philosophy Ever - it’s exactly the same, except that it’s Why My Philosophy Is The Most Awesome Thing Ever.”
Huh, come to think of it, that describes this story pretty well, except that the speeches are mostly in internal monologues… such as the one we’re experiencing right now.
Richard: Actually, it sounds like most of your sporkings.
Guardian’s Song: Shut up, Richard.
Richard: Since I’m one of your characters, and therefore live in your head - What were you thinking before I interrupted? Something about “the quintessential sign of a hack”?
Guardian’s Song: …*twitches* *boots him out of the sporking room* Now, where were we? 8DDDDDD *twitch*
Something she'd just been
denied. The trail of heartache that was her life was now one shattered dream
longer.
Guardian’s Song: And it’s going to stay that way until Nintendo finally closes down the Pokémon anime, Jamesy-boy. *pause* I’ll concede again that “Your life is doomed to be an endless string of failures, everyone IS laughing at you behind your back, and it’s never going to get any better” is creepily reminiscent of what goes through one’s head when one is depressed to the point that suicide fantasies are par for the course… If Team Rocket hadn’t chosen a lifestyle based around doing harm to others and couldn’t stop their pursuit of Ash at any time, I do admit that I’d regard them as poor woobies and often ponder various concepts for fanfics in which they would overcome all their trials and excel, going above and beyond anyone’s expectations and silencing their mockers once and for all…
…Yes, I am a borderline-Suethor, though a self-aware one. Anyway, as it is, I usually reserve such fic-contemplation for characters who have gotten screwed over by fate through no fault of their own - such as, often, the “comic relief” characters, when “comic relief” translates to “Second best, always… least loved, always … eternally overshadowed…” - which it often does. Jessie, James, and Meowth get to reform, live up to that potential they’ve shown in the aforementioned ‘Team Rocket is helpful’ episodes, and live reasonably happily ever after (well, Jessie and James do, at any rate - the work of a Pokémon Rights advocate is never done, so it’s not really an “ever after” ending for him), but they are not Good-Hearted People Unfairly Abused By Unfeeling Authors Who Only Love Characters Who Enrage Me. Does Cori Falls not realize that Jessie, James, and Meowth, even by the time of her split-from-canon, spent years stalking a child, repeatedly attempted to abduct his beloved pet, and committed repeated burglary and fraud, often foiled only by the intervention of Ash’s group? Perhaps Miss Falls ought to have reconsidered what a good idea it was to try to take canon Very Seriously while attempting to glorify the three of them?
This wasn't a kind of pain that was going to go away in a few minutes.
Jerry: You’d be surprised, but they’re both very durable people.
Tears welled up in my eyes as I thought about what had happened to Jessie today
and how she must be feeling now.
Jerry: (Jessie) Hungry.
And as I thought about her shattered dreams, I
found myself reflecting on my own life. Even though she and I had come from two
completely different worlds, we've shared all the same pains and sorrows.
Tom: (James) We both have terrible hemorrhoids!
Like
her, the people who accepted me and loved me for who I am [in context, James’ OC grandparents] were taken from me
when I was young,
Jerry: Er… that sentence structure implies that “Like her” applies to “the people who accepted me and loved me for who I am”, and I don’t think Jessie was taken from him when he was young. Did the author proofread at all?
Tom: *not paying attention to the grammar comment* (James) Once the casino opened downtown, I never saw them again. *sniff* The only way I even knew they were alive was that they kept sending my parents letters asking for more money…
and I'd been left with nothing. Even though I had money and
material wealth, my soul was impoverished without the friendship and love that I
desired. I know that feeling of emptiness. I know it all too well.
Guardian’s Song: Cori Falls, I know you’re smarter than this. You point out the correct issue with James’ childhood multiple times in other fics, namely that his fiancée was a psychotic prepubescent dominatrix. Come on, you can do better than “Nobody loved me as a child”, I know you actually can.
Wait a sec! Why am I feeling sorry for myself? I may have had a difficult past,
but I'm okay now!
Jerry: But isn’t he in the exact same position she is?
Tom: (Cori Falls) Please read and review! Flames, spam, and common sense will be ignored, unless I decide to make myself a delicious meal of cooked Spoink-flavored common sense - medium rare.
I reminded myself. When Jessie came into my life, all of the
pain went away.
Jerry: (James) Except when we’re blasting off agaaaaaaaain! *twinkle far in the distance*
Nothing makes me feel better than when she holds me in her
arms...when her beautiful voice whispers words of love into my ear....
That was when I made a decision.
I know that Jessie likes to be left alone when she's in a bad mood, but I also
know that just because she'd prefer to be alone doesn't mean that she should be.
Guardian’s Song: (James) *creepy voice* You will be happy, whether you like it or not. You will conform to MY idea of being a healthy human being, whether you like it or not. You will confide all your thoughts in me, whether you like it or not, so that I can tell you which thoughts I disapprove of and which I find suitable… Only my opinion is valid, my dear Jessie…
She needed to know that I was still here for her and that I could be strong for
her. And I needed to know if our love for each other was strong enough to help
her overcome her pain the way it helped me overcome mine.
Tom: Guess not, since she ain’t done it yet, but y’ already did.
"Hey, Meowth, why don't you go back to town and pick up some pizzas for dinner?"
I said as I dried my tears and handed some money to the cat. "I don't feel like
cooking tonight."
Tom: (Meowth) Great -‘cause I don’t feel much like having some of your cooking either!
(James) *mopes* Forget to remove the poison glands once from a Weedle before cooking it, and they never let you forget it…
There must've been something about the tone of my voice COMMA! because the hint wasn't
lost on him. "Ya know, I think I'll do just dat," he replied. "I'm kinda hungry
for pizza anyway."
I smiled as he winked at me and took his leave. Then, I turned my attention back
to Jessie.
I knew she could sense that something was going on -- she quickly brushed her
tears away as I approached.
Tentatively, I knealt knelt by her side. "Hey, Jess," I whispered.
"The stars are so pretty tonight," she said, trying to pretend that everything
was okay. But I could hear the quaver in her voice. Who did she think she was
fooling?
"You want to talk about it?" I asked softly.
"They're stars. What's to talk about?" she replied.
I placed my hands on her shoulders and began to massage them. "You know that's
not what I meant."
Guardian’s Song: And around at this point, in canon, Jessie would fly into a rage and declare that she’d beat the twerps next time, then stomp off. Either that, or they’d have a scene full of exaggerated emotion, with huge eyes sparkling with tears and the like, and it would probably wind up with Jessie and James and Meowth all bawling and declaring loudly that they’d do better next time. I predict that instead we’ll get tons of maudlin angst.
Tom: Don’t need t’ be a Kadabra to predict that.
Jessie's muscles tensed under my hands when I said this. She knew that I wasn't going to drop
the issue.
"Come on," I prompted. "You can talk to me."
Jessie turned her head and looked up at me. There was a weak smile on her lips, She was weakly smiling,
but her normally sparkling eyes were clouded by a dull, glassy sheen dull and lifeless. "James,
there's nothing to discuss!" she insisted, as if I were acting silly.
Guardian’s Song: Ten words added, thirty-four subtracted, and I probably could have gotten rid of the “she insisted” if I was anal-retentive about it… In case you didn’t notice, Cori Falls’ style involves a lot of word padding.
"Don't hold out on me, Jessie. Please?" I said, running my hands down her back.
"I know you're upset, so talk to me. Tell me what's the matter."
Tom: (Canon!Jessie) The problem is that you won’t leave me alone! *rage*
After a long pause, she closed her eyes, and a tear spilled down her cheek, like a liquid diamond.
Jerry: What?
Guardian’s Song: Ever read Eragon?
"We...we didn't...." Her voice trailed off, and she began to cry again.
I put my arms around her. "It's okay, Jess. It's okay...."
"No it's not!" she snapped, pulling away from me. The force of her reaction
caused her to fall forward, and she hung her head. "Don't you get it, James?!
It's been another year of work, and we still have nothing to show for it!
Another wasted year of my life!" As if to illustrate the point, she tore up a
clump of earth and let the dirt pour out from between her fingers, like the
sands of an hourglass, slipping away.
Tom: An’ now I suppose she’s going t’ be wearin’ all black an’ talkin’ about th’ darkness of her tormented soul?
Guardian’s Song: Funny you should mention their later costume change…
Jerry: *FACEPALM*
"I'm no closer to my goal than when I
first began...."