Two of a Kind
Two of a Kind
By Cori Falls
Alternate Title: Not Even The Pokemon Are Safe
A magenta-haired adolescent crosses her arms and sighs, shaking her head as she looks at the fic. "This author again?"
"Seems like it," comments a sandy-haired adolescent, slouching forward and resting one elbow on the table. "Eh, spork captain says this's a short one..."
TWO OF A KIND
by Cori Falls
@->->-
"Hey, James! Come look at this!"
Guardian's Song: *after reading too many comments on Cori Falls-mocking posts* (Jessie) It's the last remnants of your heterosexuality!
"Huh?" James flipped the pancakes he was cooking onto a plate and brought them
to his partner. "What is it, Jess?"
Jessie held up the newspaper and pointed to one of the ads. "Pokemon Paradise!"
she exclaimed.
James sighed. "Not another pokemon snatching scheme! Jessie, it's our day off!"
Jerry: Er... how do you retain your post in Team Rocket, again, if you take days off when you have opportunities to grab Pokemon?
Tom: Their boss must've forgotten he's still got them. Just one'a th' dangers'a "automatic charges t' yer account".
"I know that!" she said. "But that's not what I had in mind!"
James raised an eyebrow.
Jerry: (Jessie) Let's dress up as Pokemon, sneak in, and get a decent vacation for once!
(James) Oh, Jessie, you're a genius!
"Well, since the two of us have the day off, then why not our pokemon, too?" she
explained. "I think Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung, Victreebel, and Meowth would love
to spend a day at Pokemon Paradise -- it's supposed to be a great vacation
spot."
Jerry: ...Er, and you plan to AFFORD this by breaking in, I take it?
"That's a terrific idea, Jess!" James said. Then, he turned to the cat, who was
sitting in the chair next to Jessie's. "Isn't it, Meowth?"
Meowth poured some milk into his coffee and grinned. "Sounds like the purr-fect
plan to me!" he quipped.
@->->-
{snip, they arrive at the vacation spot}
Jessie knealt
Guardian's Song: *facepalm*
down and gave Lickitung a hug. Then, she reached up and did the
same to Arbok. "Have fun, girls," she said to her two pokemon.
Guardian's Song: ...They're female?
"Tung! Licki-lick!"
Tom: (Lickitung) (Translation: There is food here, right?)
"Chaar-bocka!"
James grinned. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Weezing. You, too, Victreebel."
"Wee-zing!"
*CHOMP*
"Mmmph...mmmph...mmmph...."
Jessie rolled her eyes and pried James out of Victreebel's mouth.
Jerry: In-character behavior? In these stories? *shocked*
"James, you've
got to start teaching that thing to show you some respect," she sighed.
"I know, I know," James replied as he smoothed his purple hair.
Guardian's Song: ...Purple? I... I suppose you could argue for that, but isn't "blue" a bit more accurate? Looks periwinkle to me in that screenshot, but I wouldn't blame her for refusing to write a character's hair is "periwinkle"-colored with a straight face.
"I'm going
to...."
Jessie sighed exhaled a mushroom-shaped cloud. That's what James said every time
Victreebel chomped down on him (which was pretty much every time he brought it
out of the poke ball).
Jerry: More canon! *shocked*
Somehow, she just didn't think it was going to happen any
time soon.
Jerry: And even more canon! What's gotten into her?
"Bye bye, youse two!" Meowth said as he began heading for the park. "Have fun
playin' kissy-face!" He then winked at them.
Jessie turned as red as her hair, and so did James.
Seeing the reaction he had provoked, Meowth puckered up and made kissing noises
at them.
A vein popped out on Jessie's forehead, and she gritted her teeth. "Shut up!
What we do by ourselves is none of your business!" With that, she swung her
mallet and sent Meowth flying.
Jerry: Er... it's almost as if people are in-character...
Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung, and Victreebel laughed.
Jessie smiled again as she and James waved good-bye to their pokemon.
@->->-
"So, what ARE we going to do on our day off?" James queried as he and Jessie
headed back up the road.
Jerry: (Jessie) What we usually do - concoct new plans that will be blown apart by the twerps the moment we put them into action.
Jessie turned and put her arms around him. "Anything that involves some time
alone with you is fine by me!"
James hugged back. "Well, what do you know? Great minds DO think alike!"
The two of them pulled closer and went into a full liplock.
Tom: *narrating* Took three'a th' best locksmiths in Kanto to pull 'em apart...
@->->-
"Awwwww!" Lickitung said as she
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - thank you, Miss Falls, for not going with male-by-default, and bonus points for not making the glutton automatically male.
watched the two young lovers kiss. "Humans do
the cutest things! Don't they?"
"Yep," Arbok agreed. "Especially those two -- they make the best couple!"
Guardian's Song: *gags* And negative points for making POKEMON join in the shipper chorus!
"I'm glad they finally realize that they belong together," said Weezing.
"Sometimes it's your best friend that turns out to be your one true love!"
Guardian's Song: *morosely* I can't believe it, but Cori Falls has actually made herself into a strawman against some of my favorite shipping positions. I feel unclean.
Victreebel sighed. "Are we gonna sit here and watch the humans tongue-wrestle
all day, or are we gonna go have some fun?!"
The other three turned and frowned at him,
Jerry: (Lickitung) Check your privilege and Victreebel-centrism. In our culture, tongue-wrestling is the major competitive sport, and matches will often go on for days as two Lickitung battle to the finish. It is a beautiful and delicious thing. *pause* Ooh, look! She's sticking her tongue down his throat in an attempt to suffocate him! She's going in for the kill!
(Victreebel) ...You do realize humans and Lickitungs don't quite have the same anatomy, don't you?
but they knew that he was right. So,
looking back one last time at their trainers, they began heading for the park.
@->->-
"What the hell took youse guys so long?!" Meowth demanded when the four pokemon
finally arrived. He had become tangled in the branches of a tree when he landed,
and he was waiting for them to come and free him.
Jerry: (Victreebel) Lickitung insisted on watching the "tongue-wrestling match" to the finish.
(Weezing) And mistook Arbok for a "mid-match appetizer".
"Geez! Don't say 'hi,' or anything!" Weezing said sarcastically.
"Will ya just shut up, and get me down from here?!"
Arbok frowned. "Hmmmph! I say we leave him there until he learns some manners!"
she hissed.
"In that case, he's gonna be up in that tree for a loooong time," Weezing
remarked.
Arbok chuckled as Meowth started screaming profanities at them again.
"Maybe too long," said Lickitung, who was getting sick of listening to the cat's
foul language.
Jerry: ...Don't tell me - the Lickitung is a sporker?
"Don't worry! I'll get you down, Meowth!" she called up to him.
Jerry: All right, never mind.
Tom: Nah, she's tryin' t'end th' fic as soon as possible. She still might be one'a us.
"Thanks, Lickitung! Yer a REAL friend!" Meowth said, casting a venomous glare at
Arbok and Weezing.
Arbok stuck her tongue out, and Weezing made two faces at him.
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - that is amusing.
Then, Lickitung
Jerry: - aimed her tongue up at the cat-shaped morsel in the tree -
hit the tree trunk with one of her Mega Kicks. The force of the kick was so
great that Meowth was shaken loose from the branches, and he landed on the
ground with a jarring crash.
"....A real friend...." he moaned.
Guardian's Song: ...This was pre-batshit era, I take it? There's actually some decent comedy...
Lickitung laughed. "I'm outta here, guys," she said. "If you want me, I'll be
down at the lake."
Jerry: (Lickitung) If I throw some seaweed and rice into the water, I can roll my own sushi!
(Water Pokemon) *down at the lake* ...We have a bad feeling about this.
"See ya!" said Arbok.
"What're you gonna do, Victreebel?" Weezing asked.
Victreebel looked around for a moment. Then, he saw a nearby topiary garden
where a Paras, a Vileplume, and other grass pokemon were playing.
Jerry: (Victreebel) It's a salad bar!
And then, he
saw the main attraction....
"Whoa! Hedge maze!!!" he exclaimed as he made a mad dash for the garden. "Hedge
mazes rule!!!!!"
Jerry: (Harry, Cedric, Viktor, and Fleur) Wow, Hagrid's REALLY been breeding some strange creatures for this Task...
"Guess we know where he'll be spending the day...." said Arbok.
"And what about you?" Weezing asked, coming to her side. "What are you going to
do today?"
Arbok looked up at the mountain. "I thought I'd find a nice sunny spot where I
can catch up on my beauty-sleep," she yawned. "Seems like all I ever do is
battle anymore...
Guardian's Song: (N) About that... would you Pokemon mind talking to me for a few minutes?
it'll be nice to just relax for a change."
Weezing smiled. "Mind if I join you?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way!"
But as they began to head up the path, they heard Meowth say, "Hey! Dat sounds
like a good idea! I'm comin', too!"
"Fine," Arbok said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
Weezing gave no reply, but his two faces frowned.
@->->-
Before long, the three pokemon arrived in a lush, green meadow near the top of
the mountain.
"Ahhhhh! Now dis is the perfect place for a nap!" Meowth said contentedly as he
stretched himself out between Arbok and Weezing.
Arbok coiled herself up and closed her eyes.
Weezing drifted down into the grass and exhaled in a frustrated sigh. Why does
Meowth always have to follow us around? he said to himself as he tried to fall
asleep. When am I ever going to have a moment alone with Arbok? I really need to
talk to her, and I can't do that if he's here!
Guardian's Song: OH no.
Tom: (Weezing) I have to talk to her about which story we're going to MST next!
Jerry: (Weezing) And how we're going to get our real trainers back, rather than these clowns!
Guardian's Song: ...If only... -_-;;
Suddenly, the tranquility was shattered by the crackling of electric sparks and
the sound of, "PIKAAAAAA!!!!!...RAIIIIIIII!!!!!!"
Guardian's Song: I knew it! I knew this had to be referencing that short from the second FIRST movie!
The three pokemon looked up just in time to see Pikachu and a Raichu charging
towards them at full-tilt-boogie --
Guardian's Song: *bursts out laughing* What?
they were running so fast that a crash was
imminent....
"WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Meowth, Arbok, and Weezing screamed in unison as the two
electric mice slammed into them and sent them sky-high.
"HEY! Watch where ya goin'!" Meowth shouted when he crashed to the ground.
Then, Arbok landed on top of him, and Weezing landed on top of her.
Guardian's Song: Aaaah... Canon slapstick, how I've missed thee.
"Unnnnhhh...what was dat all about?" Meowth groaned as he crawled out from under
the giant cobra.
Arbok sweatdropped. "I don't know," she replied.
"Hey, Arbok, are you okay?" Weezing asked as he floated back into the air.
"I'm fine...fuzzball, here, broke my fall," she said.
Guardian's Song: I'm amused to see even Arbok and Weezing don't like Cori-Falls!Meowth.
"Yeah. Now GET OFFA ME!!!" the cat shouted.
Arbok frowned as she watched Pikachu and Raichu in the distance, still charging
about and giving each other the look of death. "Looks like they're heading back
this way," she remarked.
"I guess we're gonna have to find another spot for our nap," Weezing sighed. "I
don't wanna stick around and get Thundershocked -- I get enough of that as it
is!"
"You and me, both!" Arbok growled as she began to slither away. "Honestly! Why
does that little rodent always have to ruin things for us?!"
"Yeah, really!" Weezing agreed, following her.
Guardian's Song: And, to be fair, I could see Arbok and Weezing complaining this way. It's when the universe backs them up about the unfaaaairness of it all that I get annoyed.
@->->-
After a few minutes of searching, Arbok found a grassy bowl of earth on the side
of the mountain. It was still warm and sunny, and since it wasn't out in the
middle of an open field, there was no need to worry about getting stampeded.
Guardian's Song: I take it that Cori Falls never watched Winnie the Pooh cartoons as a kid?
(*turns red* By which I mean 'logic never stopped slapstick'.)
"Ah! This looks like a much better place for a nap!" she said, curling herself
up and getting comfortable once again.
"Yeah," Weezing replied as he came to her side and cuddled into her.
He looked over at the cobra and smiled. At last, they had finally ditched
Meowth, and he could tell her what was on his mind....
Tom: Food?
Jerry: Seeking a form of ungainful employment involving much less involuntary electroshock therapy?
"Hey, Arbok?"
"Hmmm?"
Arbok looked over at him. When her obsidian eyes met his own,
Jerry: Even the POKEMON get purple prose?!
Tom: Yer surprised at this point?
Weezing suddenly
found that all of his resolve was gone.
{Meowth appears}
@->->-
The new spot that Arbok had found did, indeed, turn out to be better than the
last one -- now that they were in a more secluded area, there was nobody to
disturb them.
But as Arbok and Meowth dozed off, Weezing drifted uneasily about.
Aw, man! Why did I have to wuss out like that?! he cursed himself. That was my
chance to finally tell Arbok how I feel about her,
Tom: (Weezing) You're the one who always loses us matches with the twerps!
(Arbok) No, you are!
(Weezing) No, you are!
(Arbok) No, you are!
*continues on for several hours*
and I blew it! What's wrong
with me?!"
Guardian's Song: Er... where'd the random quotation mark come from?
But Weezing knew all too well what was wrong -- he was afraid to tell Arbok that
he was in love with her! The two of them had always been the best of friends,
ever since the day they met...when they were little Ekans and Koffing, but could
they ever be something more than just friends?
Guardian's Song: (Arbok) I'm... I'm sorry, Weezing... We aren't in the same Egg Group.
>_< And now I'm imagining the Pokemon equivalent of gay rights campaigning, with Arbok and Weezing insisting that their relationship is a heck of a lot more "natural" than that of a Skitty and a Wailord. I need to go apply a Bleach Potion to my brain...
He wanted more than anything to
tell her how he felt, but he was afraid of how she'd react if she didn't feel
the same way. What if she whacked him with her tail? Or worse, what if she
wouldn't even want to be his friend anymore? He valued their friendship, and the
thought of jeopardizing it scared him.
Jerry: Even the POKEMON must have stereotypical relationship-angst phrases applied to them?!
Tom: Could be worse. Could be stereotypical sex scenes.
*pause*
=The sporking will temporarily be put on hold while one sporker attempts to strangle the other=
*several minutes pass*
=Sporking resumes=
Tom: *panting and holding switchblade up in front of him in self-defense* Y' gone completely crazy? *rubs throat with free hand*
Jerry: *staying just out of his reach* You deserved that!
Guardian's Song: ...Temporary insanity aside...
Weezing looked down at the sleeping cobra and sighed. Her purple scales glinted
with an iridescent sheen in the afternoon sun, and she looked more beautiful
than usual.
Jerry: ...To a cluster of poison-gas-filled balls with faces?
I love you, Arbok, he said to himself. If only I could say it out
loud....
But before he could muster the courage to do so, he heard a loud roaring sound
coming from below.
"Hnnnh...what was that?" Arbok grumbled, none too thrilled at being awakened
from her beauty-sleep once again.
Guardian's Song: ...Dear gad. I think we might know where Jessie's canon personality has been stashed in these fics...
"I Have No Limbs, And I Must Hiss"?
"I don't know," Weezing told her.
They heard the roaring again, only this time, Meowth woke up and began to growl
a string of obscenities under his breath.
"HEY! KEEP IT DOWN!!!" he screamed as he stormed to the edge of the cliff to see
who had dared to awaken them.
But when he looked over the edge, a jet of fire shot up and roasted him.
"What the?!" Arbok and Weezing cried in unison as Meowth reeled backwards and
collapsed.
Another jet of fire spewed up, and the two pokemon sweatdropped. "Uh, I don't
think I wanna find out what that thing is," Weezing said nervously. (After all,
he was filled with poisonous vapors, and the thought of igniting and blasting
half the mountain to kingdom come wasn't an appealing one.)
Jerry: Common sense? In THESE stories? And a reference to a Weezing's canon Explosion move?
Who WAS her ghostwriter for this story, and what did she do with Cori Falls?
Arbok, however, was more irritated than frightened. "Here we go again," she
hissed. "Why can't we EVER seem to get a moment's peace?!"
"Yeah! Whadda we supposed to do now?" Meowth asked.
"Hmmmph! I'll bet they're doing this just to annoy us!" Arbok huffed. "I'll bet
they're TRYING to scare us away! Well, I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction!
This is MY vacation, dammit, and I'm gonna stay here and enjoy it!"
Weezing nodded. "Me, too!"
Meowth wiped the soot from his face and came to their side. "Yeah! We ain't
goin' nowhere!"
With that, the three pokemon huddled together and did their best to
Jerry: - be more in-character for the Rocket trio than Jessie and James were themselves?
ignore the
constant roaring and the occasional jet of fire shooting up at them.
And it worked for a few minutes, too. But then, Meowth lost his temper again.
"I'VE HAD ENUFFA DIS!!!" With that, he pulled a bomb seemingly out of mid-air
and stormed back to the edge of the cliff. "I TOLD YA TO KEEP IT DOWN!!!!!" he
screamed as he lit the bomb and prepared to throw it at whoever was disturbing
them.
But then, there was a loud popping sound, and suddenly, Charizard came flying
up.
"Look out!" Weezing cried as the dragon fell out of the sky and started plunging
towards them. But before he could push his friends out of harm's way, Charizard
landed amidst their huddle, crushing Meowth.
"Unnnnnhhhhh...." the cat moaned.
"We're blasting off again!" Arbok and Weezing cried in unison as they were sent
flying by the force of Charizard's impact.
Jerry: ...As I said...
@->->-
Arbok groaned. She had landed on an outcropping of rocks at the base of the
cliff, and her entire body was aching. Noticing that the lake was nearby, she
slowly made her way to the shore and took a drink of water.
"Why can't they just leave us alone? All we wanted was a little relaxation on
our day off...." she sighed as a tear rolled down her face.
It was then that she felt a burning sensation. Looking down at her reflection on
the surface of the water, she noticed that her face had been scraped when she
landed, and her salty tears were causing the wounds to sting.
Suddenly, her sadness gave way to rage.
"My face! My beautiful face! Perfection has been ruined!" she cried. "Somebody's
gonna pay for this!"
Arbok looked around. The first thing she saw was Weezing, who had landed in a
soft flower bed a few feet away. Her black eyes flashed when he looked over at
her.
"YOU!" she shouted.
"Hey, Arbok, are you oka...."
But before he could finish the sentence, Arbok whirled around and slammed him
with her tail, sending him crashing into the side of the mountain.
"OW! What was that for?!" Weezing whined.
"Just look at what happened to my face!" she cried, indicating the scrape marks.
"Well, how the hell is that MY fault?!" he demanded.
"Because you're here, and I need someone to blame!" she snapped.
Weezing frowned when he heard this. Somehow, he always seemed to take the blame
when things went wrong. Arbok had a short temper, and she couldn't accept the
fact that sometimes bad things just happened -- with her, everything always had
to be someone's fault...and since she couldn't very well take it out on their
beloved trainers, he had become her designated scapegoat.
Guardian's Song: Why? Why are the POKEMON more in-character for Jessie and James than JESSIE AND JAMES THEMSELVES?!
...
GRDN'SSONG used EXPLOSION!
*BOOM*
GRDN'SSONG fainted!
Use next sporker?
but at the same time, he found it endearing....
And this made him realize something -- if Arbok was going to smack him around
anyway, it didn't matter how she responded if he told her how he felt....
"WHY?" Weezing cried as Arbok slithered away from him. "Why are you always so
mean to me, Arbok? I LOVE you!"
Jerry: ...*gives up and collapses into hysterical laughter*
Tom: ...Y'sure Cori Falls wasn't ten when she wrote this? ...Spork captain? Spork captain? Hello?
Arbok stopped in her tracks and slowly turned to face him again. "What. Did.
You. Say?"
"You heard me!" he said firmly. "I said I love you!"
Too dumbfounded to speak, she gave no reply, just sat there with her mouth
hanging open.
Jerry: *uncontrollable laughter*
Tom: I take it that's yer way of sayin' you'd have th' same expression if y' weren't laughin' so hard?
"Let me guess. You don't feel the same."
"Well, how am I SUPPOSED to feel?!" she snapped. "How the hell am I supposed to
react when you go and spring something like that on me?!"
Jerry: *recovers* (Weezing) Just a moment while I search through my book of Romantic Stock Phrases to find your designated response...
Weezing drifted to her side. "Is it really that shocking? Earlier today, I said
that sometimes it's your best friend that turns out to be your one true love. So
give me one good reason why it can't be like that with us!"
Arbok's dark eyes flashed again. "Well, first of all, we're two totally
different species!"
Tom: HOT. SKITTY. ON. WAILORD. ACTION.
"So what?!" he shot back. "Pokemon of different species fall in love with each
other all the time! That Magnemite in Gringy City had a thing for
Pikachu...Bulbasaur fell in love with Florinda's Gloom at the Xanadu
Nursery....Hell! Even Psyduck and Wigglytuff were an item for awhile...and
they're not even the same TYPE! So tell me! What's wrong with two poison pokemon
like us being a couple?"
Jerry: (Arbok) We're not in the same egg group!
(Weezing) Magnemite don't even have sexes!
(Arbok) ...Good point...
Arbok said nothing.
"And what about what we said about Jessie and James?" he continued. "Didn't we
agree that they belong together?"
"Yeah, what's your point?"
"Arbok, think about it! We're like Jessie and James in a lot of ways!" he
explained. "In the years that we've been with them, they've started to rub off
on us! Haven't you noticed? We've become so much like them...which is why I
think that we belong together just as much as they do!"
Guardian's Song: *uses Revive on self* And now... they're perfectly IC for Cori!Jessie-and-James. D:
Arbok closed her eyes. She knew he had a point.
Guardian's Song: *quick Google for a certain Fate of the Jedi: Allies review*
And I quote Chad of Goodreads:
"In lieu of writing a plot that logically leads from one thing happening to another, Golden resorts to the short-cut tactic she used in "Omen". It basically goes like this:
Character 1: I've drawn this very odd assumption that doesn't really fit the evidence in front of me but is necessary for the plot to move forward.
Character 2: But that doesn't really fit the evidence we have in front of us.
Character 1: That's true, but if you don't believe me, the plot can't move forward.
Character 2: I see your point."
"We've always been the best of friends," Weezing told her. "So tell me why we
shouldn't be something more!"
Guardian's Song: ...I hate to say this. I REALLY hate to say this, because I heavily dislike the entire Nice Guy catchphrase going around feminist circles.
But Weezing here is being the epitome of a manipulative, slightly creepy person who thinks best-friendship can be redeemed like a coupon for a romantic relationship...
"....I can't," she said at length. "I can't tell you why because I can't think
of a reason why...." She hung her head and turned away from him. "You want to
know the truth? I think I love you, too...."
"Then why...."
She looked back at him, tears rolling down her face again.
Guardian's Song: From here:
"Snakes don't cry, but do produce tears to moisturize and lubricate the cornea. Tears flow in the minute intraconjunctival space between the cornea and the spectacle. Nasolacrimal ducts drain the tears from that space, but unlike people, drain into the mouth rather than the nose. In snakes, the nostrils are located dorsolaterally at the front of the snout. The left and right internal nostrils empty into a crevice called the choana in the roof of the mouth, rather than the back of the throat. Furthermore, snakes possess paired vomeronasal organs (Jacobson's organ), which are the chemosensory organs to which the forked tongue brings scent particles. The left and right vomeronasal ducts also open on the roof of the mouth and appear as tiny slits just off the midline in front of the choana. The nasolacrimal ducts open into these vomeronasal ducts. Thus, snake tears drain into the roof of the mouth rather than into the sinuses."
...The More You Know! *shooting star*
"I just didn't know
how to tell you because...I was afraid!"
Weezing smiled at her.
Jerry: ...Does anyone really want to think about a Weezing smiling?
"You and me both."
Arbok sighed. "How long have we felt this way, Weezing?
Tom: Since th' beginnin'a this fic, an' no earlier.
And how long have we
been afraid to tell each other?"
"Well, I've been in love with you for years...practically since the day we met!"
Weezing told her.
Guardian's Song: Aaaaeeeeeeigh! Imprinting! Imprinting! *makes sign against evil*
Arbok laughed bitterly and shook her head. "Me, too! Isn't that the damndest
thing?!"
Weezing gazed into her eyes.
Tom: ARBOK used GLARE!
WEEZING was paralyzed! It may be unable to move!
"Arbok, you and I are two of a kind...just like
Jessie and James!"
Guardian's Song: *heaves*
Arbok smiled at him. "You're right...you're right. We are a lot like
them....Hell!
Guardian's Song: Now she's even CURSING like OOC!Jessie! D8
It even took us forever to figure it out!"
"So you agree with me?"
She nodded and rested her head on the larger of his two faces. "Yes. I do."
The two of them would have embraced, but they had no arms.
Jerry: *FACEPALM*
So instead, Weezing
nuzzled against Arbok, and she responded by coiling herself around him.
Jerry: ...*light facepalm* And that doesn't count as an embrace?
"I'm sorry I hit you...I was just upset about what happened earlier...." said
Arbok.
"It's okay. I know you didn't mean anything by it," came Weezing's reply.
Jerry: (Weezing) You only hit me because you love me!
Arbok and Weezing cuddled closer and closed their eyes. But as they leaned in to
kiss,
Tom: WHAT? An' how does that make sense? How's Weezing plan t' pucker up? An' with which mouth? An' why d' two things that aren't even human need t' kiss, anyway?
Guardian's Song: Uh, yeah. Check out my icon here.
...You notice that the human and dragon AREN'T kissing, Miss Falls? That there are OTHER ways of expressing affection that DON'T include kissing and groping? -_-;;
they suddenly heard Meowth's voice.
"Hey! Dere youse guys are! I've been lookin' all over for ya!"
"Baka cat,"
Guardian's Song: *grits teeth* And now she's practicing fangirl Japanese?! Did she actually make a POINT of hitting all the fanbrat offenses?
Tom: Probably.
the two pokemon muttered in unison as they reluctantly pulled away
from each other. Then, they began to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Meowth asked.
But before they could tell him to get lost, two familiar voices echoed through
the valley.
"Arbok! Lickitung! Time to go!"
"Come on, Weezing, Victreebel!"
{snip}
@->->-
"So, how was your day off?" Jessie and James asked once the five pokemon had
returned.
"It sucked!" Meowth growled as he stormed up the road.
But when they saw the happy looks on the faces of the other four pokemon, they
knew that this wasn't entirely true. Lickitung had spent the day at the lake,
watching swimming matches between the water pokemon and
Jerry: - furiously swimming after them, mouth open wide -
soaking up some sun, and
Victreebel had met a cute Vileplume in the hedge maze -- he was in such a good
mood that he decided not to bite James!
Jerry: ...There are hideously disturbing implications here, though entirely accidental. They stem from Miss Falls mixing "hunger" up with "irritation". It's not trying to BITE HIM, usually, it's trying to EAT him.
If Victreebel usually tries to eat James because it's hungry... and it doesn't want to eat him this time because it "met a cute Vileplume in the hedge maze"...
...What happened to that poor Vileplume?
And, of course, Arbok and Weezing were
feeling great!
"What's with him?" James asked as he watched Meowth stomping away.
"Who knows?" Jessie replied. "And who really cares? At least the others look
like they had a good day!"
Arbok and Weezing smiled at each other and nuzzled once again before being
returned to their poke balls.
Ariana: *repeatedly being poked* ...I don't like these Poke Balls. :(
Yes, it had definitely turned out to be a good day
for them.
@->->-
"Strange," Jessie remarked as they followed Meowth back to the inn.
"What is?" James asked.
"The way Arbok and Weezing were looking at each other just now," came her reply.
"It's like...they
Guardian's Song: (Jessie) - had been turned into clones of us, since Cori Falls couldn't be bothered to wait until the next generation to dump in fresh carbon copies of us -
were in love with each other...."
"Wouldn't surprise me," he told her. "After all, those two are the best of
friends...and sometimes it's your best friend that turns out to be your one true
love!"
Jerry: That makes the third time you've said that in less than 3,700 words! Find a new platitude already!
Jessie turned and put her arms around him. "That's so true, James...that's so
true!"
James returned the embrace and pulled her into him. "They're two of a kind,
Jess...and so are we!"
Guardian's Song: *gags*
Jessie smiled at him. "I can't imagine a better way to fall in love."
"Neither can I," James said as he pressed his lips against hers.
Jerry: ...In a way not best summarized as "Because the author said so"?
Tom: Bella an' Edward had more build-up than that!
Jerry: ...And how would YOU know about that?
Tom: What? ...I...I read das_sporking, that's all! Stop lookin' at me like that! It's th' truth! *holds up hands, agitated*
The two of them stayed like that until the sun finally sank below the horizon
and
Tom: - they realized they were stuck together. Literally.
(Jessie) Mmph, mmph! (James, don't tell me you stashed the Superglue in the same compartment as my lip gloss again!)
(James) Mm, mm?! (How was I supposed to know you couldn't tell the two apart?!)
(Jessie) MM! (It was pitch black, all right?! Now, where did you put the solvent, idiot?!)
their day off officially ended. They released each other with more than a
little reluctance, but then, they remembered that even though the day was over,
the night had just begun....
Jerry: *grits teeth and prepares for the worst*
The End
Jerry: ...What? She actually spared us the sex scene? I... HOORAY!
Tom: *darkly* Y'know it's just so she can make the next one extra-long...
=END SPORKING=
By Cori Falls
Alternate Title: Not Even The Pokemon Are Safe
A magenta-haired adolescent crosses her arms and sighs, shaking her head as she looks at the fic. "This author again?"
"Seems like it," comments a sandy-haired adolescent, slouching forward and resting one elbow on the table. "Eh, spork captain says this's a short one..."
TWO OF A KIND
by Cori Falls
@->->-
"Hey, James! Come look at this!"
Guardian's Song: *after reading too many comments on Cori Falls-mocking posts* (Jessie) It's the last remnants of your heterosexuality!
"Huh?" James flipped the pancakes he was cooking onto a plate and brought them
to his partner. "What is it, Jess?"
Jessie held up the newspaper and pointed to one of the ads. "Pokemon Paradise!"
she exclaimed.
James sighed. "Not another pokemon snatching scheme! Jessie, it's our day off!"
Jerry: Er... how do you retain your post in Team Rocket, again, if you take days off when you have opportunities to grab Pokemon?
Tom: Their boss must've forgotten he's still got them. Just one'a th' dangers'a "automatic charges t' yer account".
"I know that!" she said. "But that's not what I had in mind!"
James raised an eyebrow.
Jerry: (Jessie) Let's dress up as Pokemon, sneak in, and get a decent vacation for once!
(James) Oh, Jessie, you're a genius!
"Well, since the two of us have the day off, then why not our pokemon, too?" she
explained. "I think Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung, Victreebel, and Meowth would love
to spend a day at Pokemon Paradise -- it's supposed to be a great vacation
spot."
Jerry: ...Er, and you plan to AFFORD this by breaking in, I take it?
"That's a terrific idea, Jess!" James said. Then, he turned to the cat, who was
sitting in the chair next to Jessie's. "Isn't it, Meowth?"
Meowth poured some milk into his coffee and grinned. "Sounds like the purr-fect
plan to me!" he quipped.
@->->-
{snip, they arrive at the vacation spot}
Jessie knealt
Guardian's Song: *facepalm*
down and gave Lickitung a hug. Then, she reached up and did the
same to Arbok. "Have fun, girls," she said to her two pokemon.
Guardian's Song: ...They're female?
"Tung! Licki-lick!"
Tom: (Lickitung) (Translation: There is food here, right?)
"Chaar-bocka!"
James grinned. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do, Weezing. You, too, Victreebel."
"Wee-zing!"
*CHOMP*
"Mmmph...mmmph...mmmph...."
Jessie rolled her eyes and pried James out of Victreebel's mouth.
Jerry: In-character behavior? In these stories? *shocked*
"James, you've
got to start teaching that thing to show you some respect," she sighed.
"I know, I know," James replied as he smoothed his purple hair.
Guardian's Song: ...Purple? I... I suppose you could argue for that, but isn't "blue" a bit more accurate? Looks periwinkle to me in that screenshot, but I wouldn't blame her for refusing to write a character's hair is "periwinkle"-colored with a straight face.
"I'm going
to...."
Jessie sighed exhaled a mushroom-shaped cloud. That's what James said every time
Victreebel chomped down on him (which was pretty much every time he brought it
out of the poke ball).
Jerry: More canon! *shocked*
Somehow, she just didn't think it was going to happen any
time soon.
Jerry: And even more canon! What's gotten into her?
"Bye bye, youse two!" Meowth said as he began heading for the park. "Have fun
playin' kissy-face!" He then winked at them.
Jessie turned as red as her hair, and so did James.
Seeing the reaction he had provoked, Meowth puckered up and made kissing noises
at them.
A vein popped out on Jessie's forehead, and she gritted her teeth. "Shut up!
What we do by ourselves is none of your business!" With that, she swung her
mallet and sent Meowth flying.
Jerry: Er... it's almost as if people are in-character...
Arbok, Weezing, Lickitung, and Victreebel laughed.
Jessie smiled again as she and James waved good-bye to their pokemon.
@->->-
"So, what ARE we going to do on our day off?" James queried as he and Jessie
headed back up the road.
Jerry: (Jessie) What we usually do - concoct new plans that will be blown apart by the twerps the moment we put them into action.
Jessie turned and put her arms around him. "Anything that involves some time
alone with you is fine by me!"
James hugged back. "Well, what do you know? Great minds DO think alike!"
The two of them pulled closer and went into a full liplock.
Tom: *narrating* Took three'a th' best locksmiths in Kanto to pull 'em apart...
@->->-
"Awwwww!" Lickitung said as she
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - thank you, Miss Falls, for not going with male-by-default, and bonus points for not making the glutton automatically male.
watched the two young lovers kiss. "Humans do
the cutest things! Don't they?"
"Yep," Arbok agreed. "Especially those two -- they make the best couple!"
Guardian's Song: *gags* And negative points for making POKEMON join in the shipper chorus!
"I'm glad they finally realize that they belong together," said Weezing.
"Sometimes it's your best friend that turns out to be your one true love!"
Guardian's Song: *morosely* I can't believe it, but Cori Falls has actually made herself into a strawman against some of my favorite shipping positions. I feel unclean.
Victreebel sighed. "Are we gonna sit here and watch the humans tongue-wrestle
all day, or are we gonna go have some fun?!"
The other three turned and frowned at him,
Jerry: (Lickitung) Check your privilege and Victreebel-centrism. In our culture, tongue-wrestling is the major competitive sport, and matches will often go on for days as two Lickitung battle to the finish. It is a beautiful and delicious thing. *pause* Ooh, look! She's sticking her tongue down his throat in an attempt to suffocate him! She's going in for the kill!
(Victreebel) ...You do realize humans and Lickitungs don't quite have the same anatomy, don't you?
but they knew that he was right. So,
looking back one last time at their trainers, they began heading for the park.
@->->-
"What the hell took youse guys so long?!" Meowth demanded when the four pokemon
finally arrived. He had become tangled in the branches of a tree when he landed,
and he was waiting for them to come and free him.
Jerry: (Victreebel) Lickitung insisted on watching the "tongue-wrestling match" to the finish.
(Weezing) And mistook Arbok for a "mid-match appetizer".
"Geez! Don't say 'hi,' or anything!" Weezing said sarcastically.
"Will ya just shut up, and get me down from here?!"
Arbok frowned. "Hmmmph! I say we leave him there until he learns some manners!"
she hissed.
"In that case, he's gonna be up in that tree for a loooong time," Weezing
remarked.
Arbok chuckled as Meowth started screaming profanities at them again.
"Maybe too long," said Lickitung, who was getting sick of listening to the cat's
foul language.
Jerry: ...Don't tell me - the Lickitung is a sporker?
"Don't worry! I'll get you down, Meowth!" she called up to him.
Jerry: All right, never mind.
Tom: Nah, she's tryin' t'end th' fic as soon as possible. She still might be one'a us.
"Thanks, Lickitung! Yer a REAL friend!" Meowth said, casting a venomous glare at
Arbok and Weezing.
Arbok stuck her tongue out, and Weezing made two faces at him.
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - that is amusing.
Then, Lickitung
Jerry: - aimed her tongue up at the cat-shaped morsel in the tree -
hit the tree trunk with one of her Mega Kicks. The force of the kick was so
great that Meowth was shaken loose from the branches, and he landed on the
ground with a jarring crash.
"....A real friend...." he moaned.
Guardian's Song: ...This was pre-batshit era, I take it? There's actually some decent comedy...
Lickitung laughed. "I'm outta here, guys," she said. "If you want me, I'll be
down at the lake."
Jerry: (Lickitung) If I throw some seaweed and rice into the water, I can roll my own sushi!
(Water Pokemon) *down at the lake* ...We have a bad feeling about this.
"See ya!" said Arbok.
"What're you gonna do, Victreebel?" Weezing asked.
Victreebel looked around for a moment. Then, he saw a nearby topiary garden
where a Paras, a Vileplume, and other grass pokemon were playing.
Jerry: (Victreebel) It's a salad bar!
And then, he
saw the main attraction....
"Whoa! Hedge maze!!!" he exclaimed as he made a mad dash for the garden. "Hedge
mazes rule!!!!!"
Jerry: (Harry, Cedric, Viktor, and Fleur) Wow, Hagrid's REALLY been breeding some strange creatures for this Task...
"Guess we know where he'll be spending the day...." said Arbok.
"And what about you?" Weezing asked, coming to her side. "What are you going to
do today?"
Arbok looked up at the mountain. "I thought I'd find a nice sunny spot where I
can catch up on my beauty-sleep," she yawned. "Seems like all I ever do is
battle anymore...
Guardian's Song: (N) About that... would you Pokemon mind talking to me for a few minutes?
it'll be nice to just relax for a change."
Weezing smiled. "Mind if I join you?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way!"
But as they began to head up the path, they heard Meowth say, "Hey! Dat sounds
like a good idea! I'm comin', too!"
"Fine," Arbok said, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
Weezing gave no reply, but his two faces frowned.
@->->-
Before long, the three pokemon arrived in a lush, green meadow near the top of
the mountain.
"Ahhhhh! Now dis is the perfect place for a nap!" Meowth said contentedly as he
stretched himself out between Arbok and Weezing.
Arbok coiled herself up and closed her eyes.
Weezing drifted down into the grass and exhaled in a frustrated sigh. Why does
Meowth always have to follow us around? he said to himself as he tried to fall
asleep. When am I ever going to have a moment alone with Arbok? I really need to
talk to her, and I can't do that if he's here!
Guardian's Song: OH no.
Tom: (Weezing) I have to talk to her about which story we're going to MST next!
Jerry: (Weezing) And how we're going to get our real trainers back, rather than these clowns!
Guardian's Song: ...If only... -_-;;
Suddenly, the tranquility was shattered by the crackling of electric sparks and
the sound of, "PIKAAAAAA!!!!!...RAIIIIIIII!!!!!!"
Guardian's Song: I knew it! I knew this had to be referencing that short from the second FIRST movie!
The three pokemon looked up just in time to see Pikachu and a Raichu charging
towards them at full-tilt-boogie --
Guardian's Song: *bursts out laughing* What?
they were running so fast that a crash was
imminent....
"WAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Meowth, Arbok, and Weezing screamed in unison as the two
electric mice slammed into them and sent them sky-high.
"HEY! Watch where ya goin'!" Meowth shouted when he crashed to the ground.
Then, Arbok landed on top of him, and Weezing landed on top of her.
Guardian's Song: Aaaah... Canon slapstick, how I've missed thee.
"Unnnnhhh...what was dat all about?" Meowth groaned as he crawled out from under
the giant cobra.
Arbok sweatdropped. "I don't know," she replied.
"Hey, Arbok, are you okay?" Weezing asked as he floated back into the air.
"I'm fine...fuzzball, here, broke my fall," she said.
Guardian's Song: I'm amused to see even Arbok and Weezing don't like Cori-Falls!Meowth.
"Yeah. Now GET OFFA ME!!!" the cat shouted.
Arbok frowned as she watched Pikachu and Raichu in the distance, still charging
about and giving each other the look of death. "Looks like they're heading back
this way," she remarked.
"I guess we're gonna have to find another spot for our nap," Weezing sighed. "I
don't wanna stick around and get Thundershocked -- I get enough of that as it
is!"
"You and me, both!" Arbok growled as she began to slither away. "Honestly! Why
does that little rodent always have to ruin things for us?!"
"Yeah, really!" Weezing agreed, following her.
Guardian's Song: And, to be fair, I could see Arbok and Weezing complaining this way. It's when the universe backs them up about the unfaaaairness of it all that I get annoyed.
@->->-
After a few minutes of searching, Arbok found a grassy bowl of earth on the side
of the mountain. It was still warm and sunny, and since it wasn't out in the
middle of an open field, there was no need to worry about getting stampeded.
Guardian's Song: I take it that Cori Falls never watched Winnie the Pooh cartoons as a kid?
(*turns red* By which I mean 'logic never stopped slapstick'.)
"Ah! This looks like a much better place for a nap!" she said, curling herself
up and getting comfortable once again.
"Yeah," Weezing replied as he came to her side and cuddled into her.
He looked over at the cobra and smiled. At last, they had finally ditched
Meowth, and he could tell her what was on his mind....
Tom: Food?
Jerry: Seeking a form of ungainful employment involving much less involuntary electroshock therapy?
"Hey, Arbok?"
"Hmmm?"
Arbok looked over at him. When her obsidian eyes met his own,
Jerry: Even the POKEMON get purple prose?!
Tom: Yer surprised at this point?
Weezing suddenly
found that all of his resolve was gone.
{Meowth appears}
@->->-
The new spot that Arbok had found did, indeed, turn out to be better than the
last one -- now that they were in a more secluded area, there was nobody to
disturb them.
But as Arbok and Meowth dozed off, Weezing drifted uneasily about.
Aw, man! Why did I have to wuss out like that?! he cursed himself. That was my
chance to finally tell Arbok how I feel about her,
Tom: (Weezing) You're the one who always loses us matches with the twerps!
(Arbok) No, you are!
(Weezing) No, you are!
(Arbok) No, you are!
*continues on for several hours*
and I blew it! What's wrong
with me?!"
Guardian's Song: Er... where'd the random quotation mark come from?
But Weezing knew all too well what was wrong -- he was afraid to tell Arbok that
he was in love with her! The two of them had always been the best of friends,
ever since the day they met...when they were little Ekans and Koffing, but could
they ever be something more than just friends?
Guardian's Song: (Arbok) I'm... I'm sorry, Weezing... We aren't in the same Egg Group.
>_< And now I'm imagining the Pokemon equivalent of gay rights campaigning, with Arbok and Weezing insisting that their relationship is a heck of a lot more "natural" than that of a Skitty and a Wailord. I need to go apply a Bleach Potion to my brain...
He wanted more than anything to
tell her how he felt, but he was afraid of how she'd react if she didn't feel
the same way. What if she whacked him with her tail? Or worse, what if she
wouldn't even want to be his friend anymore? He valued their friendship, and the
thought of jeopardizing it scared him.
Jerry: Even the POKEMON must have stereotypical relationship-angst phrases applied to them?!
Tom: Could be worse. Could be stereotypical sex scenes.
*pause*
=The sporking will temporarily be put on hold while one sporker attempts to strangle the other=
*several minutes pass*
=Sporking resumes=
Tom: *panting and holding switchblade up in front of him in self-defense* Y' gone completely crazy? *rubs throat with free hand*
Jerry: *staying just out of his reach* You deserved that!
Guardian's Song: ...Temporary insanity aside...
Weezing looked down at the sleeping cobra and sighed. Her purple scales glinted
with an iridescent sheen in the afternoon sun, and she looked more beautiful
than usual.
Jerry: ...To a cluster of poison-gas-filled balls with faces?
I love you, Arbok, he said to himself. If only I could say it out
loud....
But before he could muster the courage to do so, he heard a loud roaring sound
coming from below.
"Hnnnh...what was that?" Arbok grumbled, none too thrilled at being awakened
from her beauty-sleep once again.
Guardian's Song: ...Dear gad. I think we might know where Jessie's canon personality has been stashed in these fics...
"I Have No Limbs, And I Must Hiss"?
"I don't know," Weezing told her.
They heard the roaring again, only this time, Meowth woke up and began to growl
a string of obscenities under his breath.
"HEY! KEEP IT DOWN!!!" he screamed as he stormed to the edge of the cliff to see
who had dared to awaken them.
But when he looked over the edge, a jet of fire shot up and roasted him.
"What the?!" Arbok and Weezing cried in unison as Meowth reeled backwards and
collapsed.
Another jet of fire spewed up, and the two pokemon sweatdropped. "Uh, I don't
think I wanna find out what that thing is," Weezing said nervously. (After all,
he was filled with poisonous vapors, and the thought of igniting and blasting
half the mountain to kingdom come wasn't an appealing one.)
Jerry: Common sense? In THESE stories? And a reference to a Weezing's canon Explosion move?
Who WAS her ghostwriter for this story, and what did she do with Cori Falls?
Arbok, however, was more irritated than frightened. "Here we go again," she
hissed. "Why can't we EVER seem to get a moment's peace?!"
"Yeah! Whadda we supposed to do now?" Meowth asked.
"Hmmmph! I'll bet they're doing this just to annoy us!" Arbok huffed. "I'll bet
they're TRYING to scare us away! Well, I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction!
This is MY vacation, dammit, and I'm gonna stay here and enjoy it!"
Weezing nodded. "Me, too!"
Meowth wiped the soot from his face and came to their side. "Yeah! We ain't
goin' nowhere!"
With that, the three pokemon huddled together and did their best to
Jerry: - be more in-character for the Rocket trio than Jessie and James were themselves?
ignore the
constant roaring and the occasional jet of fire shooting up at them.
And it worked for a few minutes, too. But then, Meowth lost his temper again.
"I'VE HAD ENUFFA DIS!!!" With that, he pulled a bomb seemingly out of mid-air
and stormed back to the edge of the cliff. "I TOLD YA TO KEEP IT DOWN!!!!!" he
screamed as he lit the bomb and prepared to throw it at whoever was disturbing
them.
But then, there was a loud popping sound, and suddenly, Charizard came flying
up.
"Look out!" Weezing cried as the dragon fell out of the sky and started plunging
towards them. But before he could push his friends out of harm's way, Charizard
landed amidst their huddle, crushing Meowth.
"Unnnnnhhhhh...." the cat moaned.
"We're blasting off again!" Arbok and Weezing cried in unison as they were sent
flying by the force of Charizard's impact.
Jerry: ...As I said...
@->->-
Arbok groaned. She had landed on an outcropping of rocks at the base of the
cliff, and her entire body was aching. Noticing that the lake was nearby, she
slowly made her way to the shore and took a drink of water.
"Why can't they just leave us alone? All we wanted was a little relaxation on
our day off...." she sighed as a tear rolled down her face.
It was then that she felt a burning sensation. Looking down at her reflection on
the surface of the water, she noticed that her face had been scraped when she
landed, and her salty tears were causing the wounds to sting.
Suddenly, her sadness gave way to rage.
"My face! My beautiful face! Perfection has been ruined!" she cried. "Somebody's
gonna pay for this!"
Arbok looked around. The first thing she saw was Weezing, who had landed in a
soft flower bed a few feet away. Her black eyes flashed when he looked over at
her.
"YOU!" she shouted.
"Hey, Arbok, are you oka...."
But before he could finish the sentence, Arbok whirled around and slammed him
with her tail, sending him crashing into the side of the mountain.
"OW! What was that for?!" Weezing whined.
"Just look at what happened to my face!" she cried, indicating the scrape marks.
"Well, how the hell is that MY fault?!" he demanded.
"Because you're here, and I need someone to blame!" she snapped.
Weezing frowned when he heard this. Somehow, he always seemed to take the blame
when things went wrong. Arbok had a short temper, and she couldn't accept the
fact that sometimes bad things just happened -- with her, everything always had
to be someone's fault...and since she couldn't very well take it out on their
beloved trainers, he had become her designated scapegoat.
Guardian's Song: Why? Why are the POKEMON more in-character for Jessie and James than JESSIE AND JAMES THEMSELVES?!
...
GRDN'SSONG used EXPLOSION!
*BOOM*
GRDN'SSONG fainted!
Use next sporker?
- YES
- NO
but at the same time, he found it endearing....
And this made him realize something -- if Arbok was going to smack him around
anyway, it didn't matter how she responded if he told her how he felt....
"WHY?" Weezing cried as Arbok slithered away from him. "Why are you always so
mean to me, Arbok? I LOVE you!"
Jerry: ...*gives up and collapses into hysterical laughter*
Tom: ...Y'sure Cori Falls wasn't ten when she wrote this? ...Spork captain? Spork captain? Hello?
Arbok stopped in her tracks and slowly turned to face him again. "What. Did.
You. Say?"
"You heard me!" he said firmly. "I said I love you!"
Too dumbfounded to speak, she gave no reply, just sat there with her mouth
hanging open.
Jerry: *uncontrollable laughter*
Tom: I take it that's yer way of sayin' you'd have th' same expression if y' weren't laughin' so hard?
"Let me guess. You don't feel the same."
"Well, how am I SUPPOSED to feel?!" she snapped. "How the hell am I supposed to
react when you go and spring something like that on me?!"
Jerry: *recovers* (Weezing) Just a moment while I search through my book of Romantic Stock Phrases to find your designated response...
Weezing drifted to her side. "Is it really that shocking? Earlier today, I said
that sometimes it's your best friend that turns out to be your one true love. So
give me one good reason why it can't be like that with us!"
Arbok's dark eyes flashed again. "Well, first of all, we're two totally
different species!"
Tom: HOT. SKITTY. ON. WAILORD. ACTION.
"So what?!" he shot back. "Pokemon of different species fall in love with each
other all the time! That Magnemite in Gringy City had a thing for
Pikachu...Bulbasaur fell in love with Florinda's Gloom at the Xanadu
Nursery....Hell! Even Psyduck and Wigglytuff were an item for awhile...and
they're not even the same TYPE! So tell me! What's wrong with two poison pokemon
like us being a couple?"
Jerry: (Arbok) We're not in the same egg group!
(Weezing) Magnemite don't even have sexes!
(Arbok) ...Good point...
Arbok said nothing.
"And what about what we said about Jessie and James?" he continued. "Didn't we
agree that they belong together?"
"Yeah, what's your point?"
"Arbok, think about it! We're like Jessie and James in a lot of ways!" he
explained. "In the years that we've been with them, they've started to rub off
on us! Haven't you noticed? We've become so much like them...which is why I
think that we belong together just as much as they do!"
Guardian's Song: *uses Revive on self* And now... they're perfectly IC for Cori!Jessie-and-James. D:
Arbok closed her eyes. She knew he had a point.
Guardian's Song: *quick Google for a certain Fate of the Jedi: Allies review*
And I quote Chad of Goodreads:
"In lieu of writing a plot that logically leads from one thing happening to another, Golden resorts to the short-cut tactic she used in "Omen". It basically goes like this:
Character 1: I've drawn this very odd assumption that doesn't really fit the evidence in front of me but is necessary for the plot to move forward.
Character 2: But that doesn't really fit the evidence we have in front of us.
Character 1: That's true, but if you don't believe me, the plot can't move forward.
Character 2: I see your point."
"We've always been the best of friends," Weezing told her. "So tell me why we
shouldn't be something more!"
Guardian's Song: ...I hate to say this. I REALLY hate to say this, because I heavily dislike the entire Nice Guy catchphrase going around feminist circles.
But Weezing here is being the epitome of a manipulative, slightly creepy person who thinks best-friendship can be redeemed like a coupon for a romantic relationship...
"....I can't," she said at length. "I can't tell you why because I can't think
of a reason why...." She hung her head and turned away from him. "You want to
know the truth? I think I love you, too...."
"Then why...."
She looked back at him, tears rolling down her face again.
Guardian's Song: From here:
"Snakes don't cry, but do produce tears to moisturize and lubricate the cornea. Tears flow in the minute intraconjunctival space between the cornea and the spectacle. Nasolacrimal ducts drain the tears from that space, but unlike people, drain into the mouth rather than the nose. In snakes, the nostrils are located dorsolaterally at the front of the snout. The left and right internal nostrils empty into a crevice called the choana in the roof of the mouth, rather than the back of the throat. Furthermore, snakes possess paired vomeronasal organs (Jacobson's organ), which are the chemosensory organs to which the forked tongue brings scent particles. The left and right vomeronasal ducts also open on the roof of the mouth and appear as tiny slits just off the midline in front of the choana. The nasolacrimal ducts open into these vomeronasal ducts. Thus, snake tears drain into the roof of the mouth rather than into the sinuses."
...The More You Know! *shooting star*
"I just didn't know
how to tell you because...I was afraid!"
Weezing smiled at her.
Jerry: ...Does anyone really want to think about a Weezing smiling?
"You and me both."
Arbok sighed. "How long have we felt this way, Weezing?
Tom: Since th' beginnin'a this fic, an' no earlier.
And how long have we
been afraid to tell each other?"
"Well, I've been in love with you for years...practically since the day we met!"
Weezing told her.
Guardian's Song: Aaaaeeeeeeigh! Imprinting! Imprinting! *makes sign against evil*
Arbok laughed bitterly and shook her head. "Me, too! Isn't that the damndest
thing?!"
Weezing gazed into her eyes.
Tom: ARBOK used GLARE!
WEEZING was paralyzed! It may be unable to move!
"Arbok, you and I are two of a kind...just like
Jessie and James!"
Guardian's Song: *heaves*
Arbok smiled at him. "You're right...you're right. We are a lot like
them....Hell!
Guardian's Song: Now she's even CURSING like OOC!Jessie! D8
It even took us forever to figure it out!"
"So you agree with me?"
She nodded and rested her head on the larger of his two faces. "Yes. I do."
The two of them would have embraced, but they had no arms.
Jerry: *FACEPALM*
So instead, Weezing
nuzzled against Arbok, and she responded by coiling herself around him.
Jerry: ...*light facepalm* And that doesn't count as an embrace?
"I'm sorry I hit you...I was just upset about what happened earlier...." said
Arbok.
"It's okay. I know you didn't mean anything by it," came Weezing's reply.
Jerry: (Weezing) You only hit me because you love me!
Arbok and Weezing cuddled closer and closed their eyes. But as they leaned in to
kiss,
Tom: WHAT? An' how does that make sense? How's Weezing plan t' pucker up? An' with which mouth? An' why d' two things that aren't even human need t' kiss, anyway?
Guardian's Song: Uh, yeah. Check out my icon here.
...You notice that the human and dragon AREN'T kissing, Miss Falls? That there are OTHER ways of expressing affection that DON'T include kissing and groping? -_-;;
they suddenly heard Meowth's voice.
"Hey! Dere youse guys are! I've been lookin' all over for ya!"
"Baka cat,"
Guardian's Song: *grits teeth* And now she's practicing fangirl Japanese?! Did she actually make a POINT of hitting all the fanbrat offenses?
Tom: Probably.
the two pokemon muttered in unison as they reluctantly pulled away
from each other. Then, they began to laugh.
"What's so funny?" Meowth asked.
But before they could tell him to get lost, two familiar voices echoed through
the valley.
"Arbok! Lickitung! Time to go!"
"Come on, Weezing, Victreebel!"
{snip}
@->->-
"So, how was your day off?" Jessie and James asked once the five pokemon had
returned.
"It sucked!" Meowth growled as he stormed up the road.
But when they saw the happy looks on the faces of the other four pokemon, they
knew that this wasn't entirely true. Lickitung had spent the day at the lake,
watching swimming matches between the water pokemon and
Jerry: - furiously swimming after them, mouth open wide -
soaking up some sun, and
Victreebel had met a cute Vileplume in the hedge maze -- he was in such a good
mood that he decided not to bite James!
Jerry: ...There are hideously disturbing implications here, though entirely accidental. They stem from Miss Falls mixing "hunger" up with "irritation". It's not trying to BITE HIM, usually, it's trying to EAT him.
If Victreebel usually tries to eat James because it's hungry... and it doesn't want to eat him this time because it "met a cute Vileplume in the hedge maze"...
...What happened to that poor Vileplume?
And, of course, Arbok and Weezing were
feeling great!
"What's with him?" James asked as he watched Meowth stomping away.
"Who knows?" Jessie replied. "And who really cares? At least the others look
like they had a good day!"
Arbok and Weezing smiled at each other and nuzzled once again before being
returned to their poke balls.
Ariana: *repeatedly being poked* ...I don't like these Poke Balls. :(
Yes, it had definitely turned out to be a good day
for them.
@->->-
"Strange," Jessie remarked as they followed Meowth back to the inn.
"What is?" James asked.
"The way Arbok and Weezing were looking at each other just now," came her reply.
"It's like...they
Guardian's Song: (Jessie) - had been turned into clones of us, since Cori Falls couldn't be bothered to wait until the next generation to dump in fresh carbon copies of us -
were in love with each other...."
"Wouldn't surprise me," he told her. "After all, those two are the best of
friends...and sometimes it's your best friend that turns out to be your one true
love!"
Jerry: That makes the third time you've said that in less than 3,700 words! Find a new platitude already!
Jessie turned and put her arms around him. "That's so true, James...that's so
true!"
James returned the embrace and pulled her into him. "They're two of a kind,
Jess...and so are we!"
Guardian's Song: *gags*
Jessie smiled at him. "I can't imagine a better way to fall in love."
"Neither can I," James said as he pressed his lips against hers.
Jerry: ...In a way not best summarized as "Because the author said so"?
Tom: Bella an' Edward had more build-up than that!
Jerry: ...And how would YOU know about that?
Tom: What? ...I...I read das_sporking, that's all! Stop lookin' at me like that! It's th' truth! *holds up hands, agitated*
The two of them stayed like that until the sun finally sank below the horizon
and
Tom: - they realized they were stuck together. Literally.
(Jessie) Mmph, mmph! (James, don't tell me you stashed the Superglue in the same compartment as my lip gloss again!)
(James) Mm, mm?! (How was I supposed to know you couldn't tell the two apart?!)
(Jessie) MM! (It was pitch black, all right?! Now, where did you put the solvent, idiot?!)
their day off officially ended. They released each other with more than a
little reluctance, but then, they remembered that even though the day was over,
the night had just begun....
Jerry: *grits teeth and prepares for the worst*
The End
Jerry: ...What? She actually spared us the sex scene? I... HOORAY!
Tom: *darkly* Y'know it's just so she can make the next one extra-long...
=END SPORKING=