Now Sporking: How James Got His Mojo Back, Part 3/5 (LJ edition)
Jessie's smile became a grin as she rolled herself on top of me. "You make me
horny, baby! Let's shag!" she said in her best Austin Powers voice.
Guardian’s Song: Never have I been so glad I have a strong compartmentalization of characterizations. If I didn’t, that one line would have ruined my childhood memories of Pokémon.
Instead, I’m just imagining James freaking out, Meowth laughing uproariously, and Jessie being torn between laughter and rage.
[TRIGGER WARNING for attempted coerced sex. Read down with caution.]
As she placed her hand on my crotch and began to pull down my pajama pants, I
pushed her off of me. "Not tonight, Jess," I groaned.
Jessie looked at me as if I'd just slapped her across the face. "Not tonight?!
What do you mean, not tonight?!" she demanded.
"I don't feel like it," I told her, buttoning up my top and adjusting my pants
again. "I just want to go to sleep."
Her look of shock gave way to anger. "Oh, no you don't -- you don't get off that
easy!" she snapped.
Tom: (James) Actually, I get off after sixty seconds, max.
Jerry: Well, you’re mature today…
"All day long you've been turning me on and promising to
fulfill my every desire, so you'd better take off those damn pajamas and start
fulfilling, mister!"
Guardian’s Song: *winces* Oh, THIS is what Sarajayechan was talking about on TV Tropes when she mentioned Jessie pressuring James into sex.
Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh. This makes me a little ill… and from her description, it gets even worse.
Not wanting to argue with her about it any longer, I covered myself with the
blanket once more and buried my head under my pillow. "Good night, Jessie," I
said.
Jessie ripped the pillow away from me. "Is this about that book?!" she asked.
"You don't want me, just because that goddamned book says you're a Magikarp?!"
Jerry: (Jessie) Then let me level you up to 20! *screen blacks out*
…
…What am I writing!?
"It's more than that!" I retorted as I sat up in bed and faced her again.
She folded her arms across her chest and gave me one of her I demand an
explanation! looks.
I ran a hand through my hair. "Jessie...when I was Moltres...I don't know. I
felt strong. I felt sexy. I felt like I was worthy of you. But I'm not a
Moltres...just a useless Magikarp," I told her.
Tom: Otherkin! Otherkin! Otherkin! Get th’ heck out, otherkin! Yer not welcome here!
Guardian’s Song: I almost feel obligated to apologize on the off chance that some otherkin might someday read this sporking…
"So, basically...you don't want me, just because that goddamned book says you're
a Magikarp," she repeated.
I sighed.
Jessie frowned and began to slap me. "HOW DARE YOU?!" she cried. "How dare you
spend all day getting me hot and bothered and then turn into a cold fish on
me?!"
Tom: (James) Because I AM a cold fish! Magikarp, karp, karp…
Even though she wasn't hitting me hard, I put an arm up to shield myself from
her slaps. "Jessie, please...."
As she continued to hit me, Meowth came through the door carrying two pizza
boxes and a bottle of cola. "Hey, guys! Dere wasn't a line at the pizza place,
so I was in and outta dere in five minutes! Can ya believe....?" His eyes
widened when he saw us. "Uh...what's goin' on here?!"
Jessie screwed up her face and pointed an accusing finger at me. "James won't
have sex with me!" she moaned.
Meowth rolled his eyes as he set the food on the table. "Oh, brother."
"You saw him, Meowth!" she continued. "He spent all day being sexy and promising
me a night of romance, and now he won't even touch me! It's not fair!"
"Oh, give it a rest, will you?!" I shouted. "Can't a guy change his mind when
he's not in the mood anymore?!"
Guardian’s Song: This scene is genuinely unnerving.
Meowth jumped onto the bed and stepped between us. "Okay, lemme get dis
straight. James, ya got the hottest, sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world
beggin' ya ta make love ta her, and yer not in the mood?!"
Tom: *yelps and backs up, switchblade in hand* What ARE you?
Anita Blake, The Tightness And Wetness Between The Worlds: I have been summoned, and the ARRRRRDEEEEEUR IS OVERWHEEEEELMING MEEEEE!
He placed his paw on
my forehead. "What the hell is wrong with ya?! Are ya sick, or somethin'?!"
Jerry: No, but this creature is!
Anita Blake: A woman? Ewwww, you’re just jealous of me and my irresistibility! DIE!
Tom: It - it ate my spare knife! …With an unmentionable orifice! An’ it ain’t even wounded!
[We are experiencing brief technical difficulties. The sporking will return shortly.]
[…]
[…]
[…]
[Technical difficulties resolved. Sporking resuming.]
Tom: *stands up, legs wobbling, from behind the overturned desk* *his appearance is disheveled, with his hair in disarray, his clothes torn in several places, and a bruise blooming along his jawline* *his left eye twitches several time before he speaks* Well… we managed t’ send it back where it came…
Jerry: *equally out-of-sorts* …What gave you the idea to ward it off with a USB flashdrive full of explicit femmeslash?
Tom: *turns to her and throws up hands* I used everythin’ else! Did y’ see it ENGULF that CHAIR? An’ it kept screaming about how it was so BIG an’ how it wanted MORE!
Jerry: *high-strung laughter* B-but why did you even have that on you?
Tom: …It was in my backpack! None’a yer beeswax! I ain’t in th’ habit’a lookin’ through yer flashdrives! Fer all I know, y’ve got all’a y!Gallery on there!
Jerry: Hey! Only thirty percent, tops! …I mean, that’s absurd!
Tom: Eh, whatever. What was that thing? An’ why’d it leave slime tracks on everythin’?
Guardian’s Song: Those aren’t slime tracks, that’s… uh, never mind. Let’s just say that I’m moving you to a fresh sporking room. This one needs to be… decontaminated.
Anita Blake: *moans from the tight and wet space between dimensions*
[Please stand by…]
[…]
[…There we go.]
=Tokyo-3… Er, Sporking Room-3=
Tom: What happened t’ Sporkin’ Room-2?
Guardian’s Song: I think Ariana Dumbledore nuked it during Draco Veritas, Chapter Four. Anyway, back to the sporking…
Tom: Well, think it’s obvious. Now Meowth is a furry… humany… whatever the Muk y’ call an animal with a human fetish. Lookit that! He’s letchin’ after her himself!
Jerry: I… *mouth falls open as she stares at the fic* Oh. My. Legendaries.
Tom: *in a high-strung, hysterical tone* Lookit it! He’s talkin’ about how he can’t understand how anyone wouldn’t want her, because he thinks she’s the hottest, sexiest, most beautiful woman in th’ world! And he’s a CAT!
Jerry: What was this, the story where she embraced her furry side?!
Guardian’s Song: I wasn’t even THINKING of this earlier. Oh gad, let’s move onto the next few lines, before I have to dunk my head in bleach. D8
(And I’d say this was experimentation. Thank heavens, she did not continue furry themes. And I think these were accidental. But STILL!)
"Just leave me alone. Both of you," I growled as I turned away from them and
buried myself under the blanket for the third time that night.
"Goddammit, James!" Jessie shouted as she tore the blanket off of me once again.
"You talk in that hot Dungeons & Dragons voice,
Tom: *ROARS with laughter*
Guardian’s Song: What? What?
Jerry: …What?
Tom: So, at what point in bein’ screwed-up, mentally-unstable furries who blame everyone else fer yer problems an’ get turned on by Dungeons an’ Dragons are y’ goin’ t’ realize yer a pair’a giant creepy-geek stereotypes, Cori!James an’ Cori!Jessie?
Guardian’s Song: Well, at least they’re not… no, wait, they are Nice Guys (Nice Guy and Nice Girl, technically). And… um, all right, they do have enormous egos, and they do act as though the people they’ve wronged are persecuting them for daring to get angry. Um. Er.
At least they wash often?
Tom: Y’ve got proof’a that?
Guardian’s Song: Well, no… At least they don’t live in their parents’ basements?
Tom: That’s ‘cause James can’t go home t’ his parents an’ Jessie’s got none.
Guardian’s Song: I mean… at least they don’t spend all day surfing the internet and looking at weird anime porn. Uh, not that there’s anything wrong with that… every now and then.
Tom: That’s ‘cause they’re actin’ out weird anime porn. Four hours ain’t healthy.
Guardian’s Song: …Um. Oooooh dear.
you break ropes with your
muscles, you flirt with me like there's no tomorrow,
Tom: *that HOT Dungeons & Dragons voice* Prithee, m’lady, we must engage in that fantastical an’ sensual union’a true loves, makin’a th’ beast with two backs, four-hour celebration’a Lapettymort, second cousin’a Voldemort -
Jerry: La petite mort.
*continues in a long-suffering voice* Come, my love, and let me ride into your Elder Red Dragon’s lair, armed only with my Flaming Mithril Spear of True Love +10, there to wage battle until our Mountain Dews run out, with my familiar Meowth the Miniature Foul-Mouthed Persian Cat giving running commentary by my side…
Tom: (Jessie) Roll for initiative!
Jerry: (James) 18 + 3 = 21… That means I get to go first! Now, I get to roll my Grapple check to roll you onto your back.
Tom: (Jessie) Beware, foolish mortal, for I have a high DC!
Jerry: (James) Nevertheless, I have conquered it! Now, James will Turn Undead memories from your heart, so that you may cry for a bit in his arms and then move onto comforting you in the way that only he can.
Tom: (Jessie) Ah, but thou art weak to Mutual Wangst, so you must resist or take 7 points of Psychic damage!
Jerry: (James) 13 + 2… is 15, which is less than 25. Oh, darn! *fails Will check* Oh, Jessie, your tragic childhood! My heart bleeds for your damaged psyche!
I cast Cure Minor Wounds to comfort your aching heart!
Tom: (Jessie) Speak for yourself, thou foolish knight! With thy usual wangst, thou hast dropped below 0 HP, and may soon collapse into a gibbering, Shinji Ikari-ish heap because thou hast broken a nail this morning!
Jerry: (James) Gah! Meowth, stabilize me!
(Meowth) *sings a song of Morale* Awright, do those temporary hit points put him over?
Tom: (Jessie) Yes, I believe they do! Now, you must succeed your lock-picking check on my bra, and then test if your Dexterity is high enough to pierce my maiden barrier with one skillful thrust!
Jerry: (James) Fortunately, your maiden barrier is weak to Piercing damage! Nevertheless, I use Flamboyant Masculinity to lower your defenses for 3+1d6 rounds!
Tom: (Jessie) Oh, James! Take me! Take me now! Or at least within 3+1d6 rounds!
Jerry: …
…
…*stares up the page* What did we just write?
Tom: I ain’t even THINKIN’ about it.
you stand up to Botch and
Crappidy,
Tom: - an’ then y’ curl up in a ball th’ moment they tell y’ that y’ ain’t a special an’ beautiful Moltres, just another nutty otherkin.
you wear that drop-dead sexy Moltres thing,
Jerry: That was sexy?!
and then you won't even
pleasure me like you promised?!
Jerry: You know, it’s the choice of both partners as to whether they should have sex - mutual enthusiastic consent and all that. It’s not a matter of duty or obligation.
You're a great, big jerk!"
Jerry: For not wanting to have sex!? Stop pressuring him! You can have sex any other night! He’s obviously very unhappy and depressed - can’t you leave him alone?
Tom: But then he can’t talk t’ her in that hot Dungeons an’ Dragons voice! And Meowth can’t express his human fetish!
Jerry: *buries face in hands*
"Oh, so NOW my Moltres outfit is sexy?!" I said sarcastically.
"What's that supposed to mean?!" she demanded.
"You said I looked gay in it!"
Tom: Y’ didn’t! That’s an insult t’ th’ gays! Y’ looked like a great, big FURRY!
Her eyes widened. "I did NOT!"
"Oh? Then what was that whole out of my closet thing about, huh?!"
Jerry: *through hands* Because… well… pick another costume next time, all right?
I asked. "I
assume you didn't like how I looked since you insulted me!"
Jessie sighed. "James, I didn't mean it that way."
"Then how did you mean it?"
Tom: (Jessie) Furry closet, not gay closet. Really, how many gay men have a fursuit all stitched up and ready to go at a moment’s notice?
"I...I just said that because I was mad at you," she explained. "After you broke
those ropes and freed us, I thought it'd be really fun...and sexy to make a
Moltres costume for you!
Jerry: Sexy?
Tom: Two furries in love. Lemme go puke.
And then you ran off, and when you came back, you were
already wearing one! I was pissed off because you didn't even give me a chance!
I guess I took it personally...like my sewing wasn't good enough for James the
Moltres...."
Tom: Lemme seriously go puke.
Jerry: *looks up* I’ve made it through the sex scenes elsewhere - you can make it through this.
Tom: *remains in his seat, scowling… and looking rather green*
"Well, you should've said something," I told her. "I didn't know you wanted to
make a costume for me -- I only bought that other one because I was in a hurry.
If I knew, I guess I would've waited, though."
This made her smile. "Yes, you should have waited, James," she said. "Because
the outfit I wanted to make would've been MUCH nicer than the one you bought!"
Tom: She’s braggin’ about her fursuit-makin’ skills?!
I raised an eyebrow. "Really? How so?"
Jessie leaned closer to me and ran her fingers along my chest once again.
"Well...first, I wouldn't have put that big, poofy collar on it -- I would've
wanted to show off those super-sexy, rope-breaking pecs!
Jerry: *turns green*
Tom: *smirks*
And I would've shown
off those strong arms instead of hiding them under all that plumage. I would've
made the bodysuit a little tighter, too...."
Jerry: So, essentially, she would have made a superhero costume? Or supervillain?
Tom: How about “superfurry”?
Meowth snickered. "Yeah! She woulda made it more bulgerific!"
Jerry: *turns greener*
Tom: *snickers* Y’ were sayin’?
Jessie smacked him over the head and blushed. "Quiet, you!"
I couldn't help but smile.
"But this isn't about the costume, is it?" she asked once Meowth was able to
stop laughing. "This is still about that book saying you're a Magikarp."
I hung my head and sighed. "Yes."
Jessie cupped my chin in her hand. "James, why are you letting that stupid book
upset you so much?" she asked.
Tom: (Cori!James) Because a Magikarp is not a fluffy and romanticized furry form! I’m just - just - one of you mundanes! You filthy mundanes, who don’t get turned on by Dungeons & Dragons! Who don’t liken everything in your life to LOTR! Who can’t recite every Stabbing Westward lyric by heart! I DESPISE you all!
"I didn't think you even believed in fortune HYPHEN!
telling! So why should it make any difference what your sign is?"
I closed my eyes and thought about it for a moment. "Well...I didn't believe in
it at first," I said. "But then all the stuff it said about me came true, and
everything seemed to make sense...and it just made me feel so good to think that
maybe I was somebody worthwhile...that maybe I had potential.
Guardian’s Song: I will give Cori Falls kudos for reversing traditional gender roles. Jessie frequently gives James the ‘I’m no good for you, baby’ Bad-Boy speech, and James talks a lot about how he has deep insecurities and doesn’t have any self-worth without a love interest to coddle him and tell him how wonderful and special he is. I’m not being entirely sarcastic here. In a strange way, she actually bucks the trends.
I really, really wish she hadn’t put certain unforgivable scenes into her fics. I wish I could think of her as an off-kilter Suethor whom I could still compliment without any caveats. …I do kind of wish I could call her the Good Suethor. Ah, well, such is badfic.
I guess finding
out that it was all a lie is what got to me."
Tom: (Cori!James) My life is a LIIIIIIIIIIIIE! *falls to knees, tearing shirt open and baring his battered chest to the world*
"Ah! Now I get it!" said Meowth.
Jessie gave him a quizzical look.
"James, here, has lost his mojo!" he explained. "Thinkin' dat he was a Moltres
made him feel all shagadellic!
Tom: *holds up a picture of a Piloswine*
…Y’ want t’ feel like this?
(Guardian’s Song: Yes, I know what that actually means. Tom doesn’t, though. :P)
But Botch and Crappidy took dat away from him --
dey stole his mojo, just like Dr. Evil!"
Tom: (Butch and Cassidy) That assumes he had any mojo to steal in the first place.
Jessie facefaulted. "I hate to admit this, but your Austin Powers metaphor
actually makes sense!"
Jerry: It DOES?
"That's exactly it," I muttered. "I feel like my mojo's a no-go. I just don't
feel like I'm good enough for you, Jess...."
Guardian’s Song: …You were good enough for her starting months ago. Are you feeling all right?
GET OUT THE LITHIUM: |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||
Meowth smirked. "Well, if you'd a stayed and watched the rest a the movie with
us instead a bein' Mr. Misery and stompin' off, ya woulda remembered what
happened ta Austin's mojo...and ya woulda seen why what happened ta you ain't no
big deal."
I closed my eyes again and recalled what happened in the movie. "Hmmm...if I
remember correctly, he never got his mojo back -- when Dr. Evil threw the vial
it was in, Austin didn't catch it in time, and it shattered on the floor."
Meowth nodded. "Dat's right! But he still ended up bein' the most shagadellic
secret agent of all time cuz he learned dat mojo ain't some green liquid in a
tube -- it's a state of mind! He never really lost his mojo cuz he had it all
along, and it ain't no different with you, Jimmy!"
Tom: (Meowth) Except ya neva had any mojo to lose! Dat’s the oinly difference, though.
I smiled at Jessie. "You're right, Jess. This Austin Powers stuff really does
make sense!"
Jerry: Can we just declare this entire fic to be an example of What Do You Mean, It Wasn’t Made On Drugs?
She nodded. "Yeah! So you see, James? You didn't need a silly fortune HYPHEN! telling
book -- you had those Moltres powers the whole time!"
Jerry: I’d like him never to exhibit those “Moltres powers” again, if you don’t mind. He *jerks thumb at Tom* mocks James enough without having actual ammunition.
I hung my head again. "But that's the problem!" I moaned. "I'm NOT a Moltres!
The real book says I'm a loser!"
Tom: Fer once, astrology comes through.
Jessie placed her hand on my shoulder. "James, if we'd found the real book this
morning, and I'd told you that you were a Magikarp-type, would you have cared?"
I felt tears stinging my eyes as I looked up at her. "I...I suppose not," I
admitted. "I didn't really care at first when the fake book said I was a
Moltres. I guess I would've laughed it off and thought it was just a hoax if
it'd been the real book, too."
"Then why can't you do that now?" she asked.
Jerry: For the drama and wangst?
"And don't tell me it's because you
know the fortune HYPHEN! telling is real. The fake book's predictions may have come
true, but they were fake! That proves they were only coincidences...just like
you said!"
Guardian’s Song: And here starts the actual good moral of the fic.
Unfortunately, then she does a screeching 180O turn and wrecks it, but this part is actually sweet and heartening. I wish she’d just ended it after this…
"Hmmm...good point," I said as I rubbed my eyes and brushed the tears away.
"And I don't need to see the real book to know that it's just a hoax, too,"
Jessie continued. "James, the real book is completely different from the fake
one. I'm betting that it has a completely different horoscope for you today. And
if all of the fake book's predictions came true, it means the real book is way
off-base!"
I thought for a moment about the real book. I hadn't really read everything it
said about me because I was so shocked to find out that I was a Magikarp, but I
did manage to skim over a few parts. "Well...the real book says that the
Magikarp-type is prone to clumsiness and stupidity, and...."
Tom: An’ that’s dead-on.
Jerry: Does it also say the Poliwrath-type is prone to having everyone forget his name?
Tom: I - An’ what gives y’ th’ idea that Butch’s a Poliwrath?
Jerry: Well, he’s aggressive, so I guess it fits, but I was mostly making the obvious frog joke…
Jessie began to laugh.
"I don't see what's so funny," I grumbled.
"James, if that's what the book says about you, then that REALLY proves it's
just a big, steaming pile of Tauros crap!" she said.
"It does?"
Jessie nodded and put her arms around me, bringing my head down and resting it
on her breasts. I closed my eyes and smiled -- her body felt so warm and soft,
and she smelled wonderful...like strawberries. My smile grew even wider as she
ran her fingers through my hair and massaged my temples.
Tom: Y’ have yer face buried in her chest, an’ yer thinkin’a how nice she smells?
Jerry: Well, he’s already been sleeping with her for weeks, so I think that’s reasonable.
Tom: …Eh. I almost believed y’, until I remembered that grabbin’ his rear -
Jerry: Do you have to remind me?
"You're not clumsy, James," she whispered. "You may stumble or drop things every
now and then, but so what? Everybody does that! Even though you have your klutzy
moments, you're still one of the most graceful people around. You're a wonderful
dancer, a fast runner, a skilled marksman, and you're one hell of an acrobat,
too! It's a rare person who's blessed with agility like that.
Tom: (Butch and Cassidy) - and still manages to flub all his missions.
So if that book
says you're clumsy, then it couldn't be more wrong!
Guardian’s Song: Point conceded. When the Rockets want to be coordinated, they are. All right, all right, Cori Falls… You win that one.
"And I don't give a damn what Butch, Cassidy, or anybody else says -- you're not
stupid either!" she continued. "With all of the machines you've designed and
built, everything you know about computers, and plants, and cooking,
Guardian’s Song: Also conceded - the Rockets are uncanny savants at designing machines, traps, and miscellaneous devices on a shoestring budget with almost no notice. And they also possess exceptional skill at costume design and theatrics.
It’s as if they’re talented at everything but their actual job.
and art,
your keen analytical mind, your wit...
Guardian’s Song: …That’s going a bit too far, though.
not to mention all of the intellectual,
philosophical, and literary discussions we've had over the years,
Tom: It sporks itself!
Jerry: What?! I mean - What?
don't you DARE
call yourself stupid or let anybody make you think you are! Anybody who thinks
you're dumb doesn't know you at all, because you're smart, James! VERY smart!"
I returned Jessie's embrace and cuddled closer to her. "Thanks, Jess."
"It's just the truth," she replied as her hands moved from my temples and began
to massage my back and shoulders.
"Dat's right!" said Meowth. "Even if dat book sez the Magikarp-type sucks, it
don't describe you at all! If yer a Magikarp-type, den yer anythin' BUT a
typical one!"
"Yeah!" Jessie agreed. "And Moltres, Magikarp -- no matter what that book says
you are -- it DOESN'T change the fact that you kicked some serious ass today!
And actually, the fact that you're not a Moltres makes what you did all the more
impressive!"
I looked up at her again. "It does?"
Jessie smiled and caressed my cheek. "Yes," she replied. "Think about it, James!
You broke ropes with a mere flex of your muscles! You mopped the floor with
Cassidy and her Raticate, and you didn't take any crap from Butch either! And
you did one hell of a good job of turning me on! But since you were never a
Moltres-type to begin with, that means all the stuff you did today didn't come
from Moltres at all -- it came from YOU! All of that strength, all of that
courage, all of that ingenuity, all of that sexiness -- that was pure James!
That's who you really are, and that's never going to change, no matter what the
stars may say!"
The smile returned to my lips as I thought about everything Jessie had just
said. She's right! I didn't need that stupid book -- I've had those amazing
powers all along!
Guardian’s Song: Awwwwwww. *actually smiling* Minus the swearing and the parts I struck out about the actual romantic relationship, I could see this speech in canon. That was actually heart-warming.
And now we’re heading into some traditional Cori Falls sap, but as her sap goes, it’s pretty good. It actually does have a positive message, and breaks from her usual victims-of-fate wangsting. Let’s appreciate this while it lasts, shall we?
"Besides," Jessie continued as she ran her fingers through my hair once again,
"you've always told me that you believe in people making their own destinies,
not letting the stars or anything else do it for them."
"Yeah," I said. "That's something my grand-papa taught me. He said I should
never let my parents, Jessiebelle, or anybody else try to make me somebody that
I'm not. He said I should never allow them or anybody else to run my life...."
My voice caught in my throat for a minute as more tears filled my eyes. "I
remember...that was his final wish. Before he died, he told me that he wanted me
to make my own destiny. That's what gave me the courage to give up my
inheritance and my home...that's what led me to find you, Jessie...."
The tears began to fall from my eyes as I said this. Jessie gently brushed them
away and kissed me on the forehead. "Your grand-papa was a very wise man,
James...and he did a great job, raising a very wise grandson," she whispered.
"That's why you shouldn't listen to anything those silly fortune HYPHEN! telling books
say. You never let your family control your life, and you can't let a horoscope
control your life either. You're smarter than that...and your grand-papa raised
you better than that!"
I continued to cry as I thought about my grand-papa, and Jessie just held me and
rocked me back and forth. After a few minutes, I regained my composure and
looked back at her. "You're right, Jessie," I muttered. "Grand-papa would think
I was being silly if he knew how carried away I got today."
"You WERE being silly," she agreed. "But all of the stuff you did was still damn
sexy. I can forgive you for being such a nut since you meant well. Just promise
me you won't get carried away with anything like this again or let that stupid
book ruin your life, okay?"
I brushed the last of my tears away and smiled at her once more. "Okay."
"So, you're cool with this now?" she ventured. "You don't mind being a
Magikarp?"
My smile became a grin. "Yeah! My mojo is back, baby!"
Jessie laughed and hugged me again. "I love you, sweetie!" she said, planting
another kiss on my forehead.
I hugged back and pressed my lips to hers. "I love you too, Jessie."
"Awwww! Dat's groovy, baby!" Meowth said as we continued to kiss. "I really hate
ta break up yer little love-fest, but I'm starvin'! Whaddaya say we have dinner
before dose pizzas get cold?"
Jessie and I broke from our embrace and smiled at him. "Sounds good to us!"
Guardian’s Song: And, modulo Cori’s usual melodrama, I actually like this part and feel it’s pretty in-character, given the context that James and Jessie are in love and James had a grandfather who deeply influenced his life and private beliefs. I mean… no, it’s not quite in-character, since Cori never quite managed to grasp the proper tone, but, for the sections I specified, I would accept the writing as flawed but touching and probably leave a friendly review on the fic complimenting the author on having taken James’s humiliation at finding out he wasn’t a Moltres and using it to motivate fluff and character growth. I’m actually nowhere near as picky as I come across in my sporkings. I’m a live-and-let-live sort of person…
…So can we pretend the fic ends HERE? I’d really rather we did.
But this is a sporking, and so I’m going to endure the next *physically winces* ~8,600 words. Because, unfortunately, that’s when we have one of the most unintentionally funny moments in all of Cori Falls’s fanfiction, and that’s saying a lot.
@->->-
The three of us spent the rest of the evening sitting together on the bed,
eating pizza and watching TV. I hadn't had pizza in ages, and the ones that
Jessie and Meowth had ordered were some of the best I'd ever tasted. They had
pepperoni, green peppers, and mushrooms on them -- my favorite toppings -- and
there was so much cheese that it practically made the golden crust collapse! The
cola was some of the best I'd ever tasted, too -- sweet, cold, and bubbly.
Jerry: …Isn’t that what most cola tastes like? What have you been drinking?
Tom: (James) You mean that really WASN’T Mountain Dew in that bottle?
When
money is short and food is hard to come by (which had certainly been the case
with us of late), practically anything tastes good, but this dinner would have
been excellent, even if we did get to eat more often.
{snip, they watch TV}
And as good as the food and the television shows were, even better things were
in store, as I would soon find out....
@->->-
Once Iron Chef was over, Meowth turned off the TV and jumped down from the bed.
"Ya know, I think I saw a game-room over by the lobby. I'm gonna go shoot some
pool," he said.
Jerry: (Hotel Staff) Is that a Meowth playing pool unsupervised? …You know, I knew I shouldn’t have raided the minibar after-hours. I’m going to bed. And never touching absinthe again.
"Have fun!" Jessie called to him as he headed for the door.
"You, too!" he replied, giving us a sly wink.
After he'd taken his leave, Jessie turned to me and smiled. "You know what this
means, James?" she whispered seductively as she unbuttoned my pajama top once
again.
I returned her smile. "It means we've got this whole room to ourselves for the
night!"
Tom: (James) And now we can determine once and for all which one of us looks better in this negligee!
"So...are you going to keep your promise and fulfill all of my desires now?" she
asked.
Jerry: (James) Including the ones about infinite wealth and awesome power over all you survey? Uh, Jessie, I -
(Jessie) Well, right now I’m only surveying you, so down on your hands and knees, peon!
"I certainly am," I replied, sliding off my shirt.
Jessie grinned. "Then start fulfilling, James! I've been waiting all day for
this!"
Jerry: *clamps hands over eyes* I don’t want to look…
Slowly, I reached over and unlaced the top of Jessie's nightie. She then took my
hands in her own and placed them on her breasts.
Tom: He’s got t’ be prompted? Y’ not doin’ anythin’ fer those rumors’a homosexuality, Falls.
Keeping my hands in place,
Jessie rose to her knees and let the rest of her nightie fall off. Then, she
leaned closer and pressed her lips to mine as she reached down and pulled off my
pajama pants and boxer shorts. As we continued to kiss, I removed my hands from
her breasts and wrapped them around her waist, pulling her completely into me.
Keeping every inch of her body pressed to mine, Jessie slowly lowered herself
into my lap and put me inside of her.
Tom: *shudders in a fit of PTSD from Anita Blake*
Jerry: He only means part of him went inside of her.
Tom: I ain’t believin’ that until I’ve seen evidence! Did y’ see what that thing did to that CHAIR?
I closed my eyes and sighed contentedly. Jessie's skin felt so smooth as it
brushed against my own, and her hair felt like silk as I ran my fingers through
it.
Tom: An’ y’ can’t think’a any other parts y’ might be feelin’ right now? Any other parts? Just yer hands an’ skin?
Guardian’s Song: On the one hand, Cori Falls’s sex scenes have the advantage over stereotypical sex scenes that she focuses on the sensations and sights, sounds, smells, sensations, and so on and so forth far more than the genitals. That’s a refreshing change.
On the other hand, she forgets that they have genitals. That’s… not such a refreshing change.
"Oh, James," she moaned softly, wrapping her arms around me and caressing the
back of my neck with her delicate fingers. Her touch sent sweet chills of
pleasure through my entire body.
Tom: Yer neck? Yer neck?
Yer unmentionables are getting’ “caressed” by her unmentionables, an’ yer obsessin’ about yer NECK?
"Jessie," I whispered back as I covered her with
Tom: - shagadellic Piloswines.
soft kisses. My lips moved
along her chest and shoulders, and then to her neck and her face. When my mouth
closed over hers, Jessie moaned once more and opened her mouth wider. As our
kiss deepened, we held each other as close as possible, never wanting to let
go...never wanting the moment to end.
Jerry: *narrating* - and then came an all-too-familiar scream of “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-BUFFET!”, our only warning before…