Now Sporking: The Difference, Part 3/6 (LJ EDITION)
(Dreamwidth posts have been split into two for the sake of LJ's delicate character-limits.)
With our sporkers recovered, we now head into the next part...
@->->-
When Jessie and James finally stopped kissing (Meowth had to threaten to turn a
hose on them),
Tom: If that works, why doesn't he do it in all'a th' other fics?! Come on, y' catty bastard! Spare us th'rest'a this trash!
we continued on our way. Jessie filled James and Meowth in on her
plan to go to Lulu's house first, and they agreed that it was a good idea. It
felt as if a great weight was being lifted from our conscience as we drew closer
to our destination, but at the same time, I could sense a collective
apprehension...fear that our good intentions were all going to blow up in our
faces.
Guardian's Song: Fun fact - I was just reading some accounts of acid trips for the heck of it.
This sort of hand-waving silliness really does read like the story's on acid. All we need is some hallucinated iguanas and scorpions.
Before long, we found ourselves on the outskirts of the village once again. It
was about ten o'clock, and the Wobbuffet Festival was still going on, but the
festivities were starting to wind down. All of the young families had already
gone home (to put their children to bed, no doubt), and only a few teenagers and
adults remained, milling around the giant Wobbuffet statue in the town square.
One of those people was Lulu. She was standing at the buffet table and helping a
young, dark-haired woman wrap up the leftovers from the feast.
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - Miss Falls does manage to convey environments reasonably well when nobody's talking.
Just... it would be somewhat improved if no one TALKED in her fics... D:
The two of them
had grim expressions on their faces and seemed to be talking about something
important. Knowing that it wasn't yet the right time to reveal our presence,
Jerry: In other words, there's a ~plot-important~ conversation coming up.
She doesn't even try to disguise it!
Jessie, James, Meowth, and I remained hidden in the bushes and did our best to
listen in on their conversation.
"I just don't understand what happened, Rachel," Lulu sighed. "I thought it was
pointless, myself."
"Sounds to me like she screwed up big-time," the woman named Rachel replied.
"First thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna talk to the chief of police and get
this all sorted out."
Lulu nodded approvingly. "Good. Because I saw the whole thing...and it just
wasn't right. Something needs to be done."
"Something WILL be done," Rachel assured her. "Just go home and take it easy
tonight -- I'll see what I can do."
Lulu smiled and picked up a package of the food that she'd helped wrap. "Thank
you."
"Whaddaya think dey was talkin' about?" Meowth whispered as Lulu took her leave.
Tom: It's obviously a metaphor fer all'a these fics. James th' Articunokin just ain't right. I agree with 'em on that. An' they're gonna haul th' author in fer questionin'.
"I heard them mention the police," James replied. "They were probably talking
about what we did today."
"No doubt," Jessie grumbled. "That goddamned Officer Jenny really had it in for
us -- it wouldn't surprise me if they wanted to launch some kind of criminal
investigation."
Jerry: There isn't already one going?!
Does Cori Falls REALLY not grasp that, yes, career criminals tend to get investigated by the police? ESPECIALLY when they've very PUBLICLY been foiled in the act of committing crimes all across the Kanto-Johto continent?!
Tom: What's this "Earth Logic" stuff y' keep messin' around with?
Oh, quit being such a pessimist! I told her. Do you really think Lulu, of all
people, would be calling for the police to come after us?!
Jerry: After you attempted to commit a crime?!
"Wobbuffet is right!" said Meowth. "If anybody in dis burg is still on our side,
it's her!"
Jerry: (Meowth) ...And noboidy in dis burg is on our side! Case closed!
James nodded. "Yeah! Somehow, I doubt she'd turn on us like that -- she's a nice
lady, Jess."
Jerry: Hello there? Team Rocket? Criminals? Does that mean nothing to you?
Tom: Nonsense! They're just poor saps driven t' crime by th' hunger in their bellies, not at all international criminals rankin' highly in an organized crime organization! Ketchum's obviously th' only one who thinks otherwise!
"I know," she sighed. "But actually seeing her again just made me feel worse
than ever about what I did...."
"And that's precisely why we're here," James reminded her. "This is our chance
to make it up to her."
Jessie looked at him.
James smiled and extended his hand. "Now, come on. Let's go," he said softly.
Jessie smiled back at James and placed her hand in his. "Okay," she whispered.
Then, Meowth put his paw on top of their hands, and I put my hand on top of his
paw.
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* The thing is, she was probably really happy in Yu-Gi-Oh fandom... Wonder if she was already into it at this point?
We remained there for several minutes, holding hands and gazing into each
other's eyes.
Jerry: ...Has there ever been proof that Wobbuffets HAVE eyes?
Tom: They obviously mean th' ones on his tail. Ever read th' crack-theory that th' tail's th' REAL Wobbuffet, an' th' body's just th' mother'a all eyespot-like-thingies? 'S why it's got such ridiculous HP an' so many moves focused on counterin'...
Now more than ever, I was grateful that James and Meowth were here
with us...that we were doing this as a team. Once we'd mustered enough courage,
we broke from our huddle and followed Lulu to her house, taking care to stay out
of sight.
Jerry: Yes, it took TWO PEOPLE AND TWO POKEMON a while of mustering courage to pursue ONE WOMAN.
What courage.
When we arrived at Lulu's, I could sense that Jessie was losing her nerve again,
but after a moment of hesitation, she steeled herself and walked up to the door.
"Here goes nothing," she whispered as she began to knock.
James smiled at her again and put a hand on her shoulder.
Jerry: Is she FIVE?!
After a couple of minutes, the door slowly creaked open. Lulu's eyes widened
when she saw us. "Jess?!" she exclaimed.
"L-Lulu? Can I talk to you? Please?" Jessie asked nervously.
Lulu studied us for a moment and nodded. "Of course," she replied. "Come on in."
"Thank you," said Jessie.
Once we were inside, Lulu closed the door behind us. Then, she walked over to
the window and drew the drapes. She obviously didn't want anybody to see us in
her house.
Tom: (Jessie) And then we had an orgy. *fade to black*
Jerry: *spittake*
"I thought Officer Jenny ran you guys out of town! What are you doing
here?" she asked.
"Lulu," Jessie began, "we came back to tell you how sorry we are for what we did
today."
"And to explain why we did it," James added.
Lulu nodded and gestured for us to sit down. "I'm listening," she said.
"We...we didn't mean to cause any trouble, Lulu," Jessie told her as we seated
ourselves at the table.
"Yes. We only took the food because we were hungry," said James.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?! But I gave you lunch before we went to the
festival -- you ate an entire plate of hamburgers! How in the world could you
have been hungry?!"
Jerry: ...You complain about THAT, rather than saying, "YOU TOOK ALL THAT FOOD BECAUSE YOU WERE HUNGRY?"
*sigh* It's just to force a dialogue branch. Watch.
"Well, we wasn't hungry right at dat moment," Meowth told her. "But believe it
or not, dat lunch ya gave us was the first real meal we'd had in days!"
"Are you serious?!" she gasped.
All four of us nodded.
"Well, no wonder you had such an appetite," she remarked.
"We didn't know when the next time we'd have a chance to eat was going to be,"
James explained. "That's why we took the food. It wasn't anything personal or to
be mean -- it was just a survival thing."
"You were so kind to us, Lulu, and we really do appreciate the hospitality you
showed us," Jessie sighed. "Stealing your food was a terrible thing to do, and
we regret it. I just wanted you to know that."
Lulu's expression became grim again as she listened to Jessie.
"You have every right to be angry about what happened, and I don't expect to be
forgiven for what I did," Jessie continued. "But please don't be mad at my
friends. James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet didn't want to take the food, and they
tried to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't listen to them. They didn't do
anything wrong -- this is all my fault. If you're going to hate anybody, then
hate me...."
Guardian's Song: You know, someone reading this will probably point out a logical error here -
But I could really accept this. It might work as part of a fic having Team Rocket transition to being better people. It does make internal sense.
Problem is, in order for them to learn from this, there would need to be consequences. They'd need to continue having remorse at least in part because they meant it, rather than because they were about to get hugs and cuddles from the author.
...Which do you think is about to happen here?
:\
"I don't hate you, Jessie," Lulu said.
Guardian's Song: *facepalm*
Jessie looked up at her. "You don't?"
Lulu shook her head. "I don't hate any of you -- I'm actually glad to see you
again."
"You are?!" Jessie, James, and Meowth asked in unison.
Tom and Jerry: You are?!
"When you first arrived in town and when you were my lunch guests, I didn't see
bad people," Lulu explained as she placed her hand on my head.
Guardian's Song: If you could SEE bad people, would they be even a TENTH as dangerous?!
"Your Wobbuffet
is so happy and energetic -- nobody with a pokemon like this can possibly have
evil in their heart.
Jerry: ...And how did you know it wasn't a psychopathic Wobbuffet?
Tom: Heh heh heh. Y' missed th' obvious remark. Ash Ketchum's Pokemon are almost all so happy an' energetic it's sickenin'. Clearly, Ash must be th' nicest Pokemon Trainer in th' world, eh?
Jerry: Well, there went even Moon Logic.
Jessie, I knew from the moment I saw your Wobbuffet that
you and your friends were good people. But...I guess that's why I was so shocked
to see you trying to steal the festival food. I knew that you were nice, and I
just didn't understand how you could be capable of doing something like that. I
understand now, though. Thank you for telling me."
Jessie hung her head. "It was the very least I could do."
"Well, it's greatly appreciated," Lulu told her. "And if you four will stay
awhile, I'll see what I can do to help you."
"Help...us?" Jessie asked.
Lulu nodded. "The way you saved our festival...and our village was nothing short
of heroic," she said. "It wasn't fair that those children accused you of hurting
our Wobbuffets without any proof, it wasn't fair that Officer Jenny was so quick
to condemn you for breaking the festival rule when you only did it to help us,
it wasn't fair that you were forced to leave town...
Guardian's Song: *literal facepalm* If she just told them that 'Why didn't you ask us for help, after all you'd done to help us?' or anything of the like, I'd forgive a good deal of this. But no, they're just unconditionally given a pass on any and all bad judgment ~because they were desperate~.
Gewd gad...
(And, though I hate to defend untrue accusations - practically every OTHER time that Team Rocket's been seemingly benevolent to anyone, they turn right around and try to steal Pokemon. Ash and the others were just jumping to the overwhelmingly-likeliest conclusion.)
and now that I know why you
took our food, I don't think it was fair that you were punished so severely for
it."
"Life is never fair," James sighed. "We're used to it by now."
"Yeah," said Meowth. "Life's a shit sammich, and every day we take a bite."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| ||
"Watch your language, Meowth! We are guests in this woman's home!" James scolded
him.
Meowth blushed. "Whoops. Sorry about dat."
Jerry: Well, THAT'S a change...
Jessie and I said nothing, just exchanged looks and snickered.
"That's okay," Lulu replied as she got back to her feet and headed for the
kitchen. "And there's still no justification for the way you were treated today.
Even though you were stealing our food, we could've let you have it as payment
for helping us -- we have plenty and to spare.
Jerry: Right. It's not stealing if they would have given it to you anyway? Is this the G-rated version of "can't rape the willing"?
There was no reason for Officer
Jenny or those children to hurt you.
Guardian's Song: Officer Jenny was an idiot, if the recounting given in-fic is accurate. The children, however, had AMPLE reason to believe...
...Wait, I already said this. *headlaptop* Never mind.
It was just wrong. Now, if you'll excuse me
for a moment...."
After Lulu went to the kitchen, Jessie, James, Meowth, and I fell silent and
reflected on everything she'd just told us.
Jerry: (Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet) Yep! Yet ANOTHER Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card!
When she returned a few minutes
later, she was carrying a large plate of chocolate mint cookies and a steaming
kettle.
"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's unfairness,"
Jerry: Such as to Ash Ketchum?
Tom: Aaaaah, don't talk nonsense. Ash is always evil. If he gave a buncha food t' a million starvin' children, he'd be evil fer not givin' it t' th' POOR, ABUSED TEAM ROCKET instead!
she continued as she set
the cookies on the table and poured us each a mug of hot green tea.
Guardian's Song: *grabby hands* Dang it! Why do Cori Falls's characters get all the GOOD food?! I mean, you'd expect her to serve them ground roses, Valentine's-Day cookies, and chocolate syrup, the way the rest of the fic is!
"And there
was nothing fair about what happened to you."
James, Meowth, and I each grabbed a handful of cookies and began to eat. The
chocolate coating melted in my mouth, and the inside was crisp and cool. They
were the best cookies I'd ever tasted...
Jerry: Yes, just as every time you have sex is the best sex you've ever had.
and actually getting to eat twice in one
day was a rare treat, indeed!
Guardian's Song: Yeah, right. I know Team Rocket dumpster-dove in one book, but if they were REALLY eating only one meal a day - don't you think that would affect their looks, their ability to design all these crazy devices on a regular basis, and their athletic prowess? Perpetual hunger actually DOES have nasty side effects, you know.
"You really are on our side, aren't you?" Jessie asked as she took a sip of her
tea and grabbed a few cookies for herself.
"Yes," Lulu replied. "I consider you guys to be my friends...and I never turn my
back on a friend."
The four of us stopped eating and looked up at her in disbelief when she said
this.
Tom: (Team Rocket) She knew us for less than a day, didn't have any really soul-touching conversations, and we're already besties with her?
Clearly the woman's nuts. Let's get out of here before WE learn what insane stalkers are like.
"I spoke with the mayor earlier," she told us. "And she doesn't think Officer
Jenny was right to punish you, either.
Tom: (Lulu) She wants to "punish" you in person. *waggles eyebrows*
Jerry: Gah! The images!
She promised me that she's going to call
the police chief first thing tomorrow morning and see if he can look into
it...."
"That lady Lulu was talking to at the festival -- that must've been the mayor,"
James whispered to Jessie.
"And that must've been what they were talking about!" Jessie whispered back.
See! Didn't I tell you it was silly to think that Lulu would send the cops after
us? I said.
Jerry: And the momentary pretense at drama was so obvious that it was painful.
"....And if you guys visit the mayor tomorrow and explain the whole situation to
her, I'm sure she'll help you find a way to sort this mess out with the rest of
the village, too," she continued.
"You really think so?" James asked.
"I know so," said Lulu.
Jerry: (Lulu) Deus-ex-machina vult!
Jessie smiled, and her normally sparkling eyes went dull with tears. "Thank
you," she whispered. "I only wanted to apologize -- I didn't expect any kind of
forgiveness or hospitality...but you've given us both."
Jerry: *grinds teeth* Has it EVER been otherwise in a Cori Falls story?!
Tom: (Hogwarts crew) Voldemort attacked at the end of the school year again! What a shock.
(Anita Blake crew) Anita's humping a weresquid, a vampire, and the postman! What a shock.
(Fire Emblem crew) The final boss is a dragon! What a shock.
(Legend of Zelda crew) It was Ganondorf all along! What a shock.
(Pokemon crew) It was Team Rocket in disguise! What a shock.
(Fandom Wank) SPN fandom is batshit insane! What a shock.
(Das Mervin) Twilight characters are sociopaths! What a shock.
Richard: (Sporkers) Cori Falls's fics have no Earth Logic! What a shock.
Guardian's Song: Hey, when'd YOU get here? *boots*
Lulu returned her smile. "Well, the very fact that you came back to apologize
proves that you're good people...that you deserve to be forgiven."
Guardian's Song: *through teeth* Is it so hard to hold them responsible ONCE? ONCE? ONCE?
"See, Jess. I knew she'd understand!" said Meowth.
"Yeah," James told Jessie as he put an arm around her shoulders. "Lulu is a good
friend --
Tom: I take it back. Yer all psychos.
we didn't have anything to worry about."
Lulu chuckled and seated herself at the table again. "Not to be nosy, but why
were you guys starving in the first place?" she asked, changing the subject. "I
see those uniforms you're wearing, and you even said that you're members of Team
Rocket --
Jerry: You wore criminal uniforms TO YOUR APOLOGY?! *grabs hair in both fists and starts tugging*
Tom: *mouth open*
...
...
...
Fer MUK'S sakes. Yer completely Mukin' insane.
Ferget Earth Logic. Ferget Moon Logic. This is ALPHA CENTAURI Logic.
that must mean you have jobs.
Jerry: That's your ONLY REACTION to having Team Rocket members in your house?! "That must mean you have jobs"?!
Tom: Too Stupid T' Live?! Too Stupid T' BREATHE!
Why can't you just buy food?"
Tom: (Lulu) Or steal it! From someone else!
"I wish it was dat simple," Meowth sighed. "But paltry don't even begin ta
describe our salary -- we can barely make ends meet, even after we put all three
of our paychecks tagedda!"
"And we're not exactly the best employees," Jessie grumbled. "You saw with your
own eyes how incompetent we are at stealing. We don't get that many bonuses, and
a raise is pretty much out of the question."
Jerry: ...This is thievery! It's not a common corporate job! BONUSES? RAISES?
I mean, you can make all the jokes you like about the financial sector and televangelists, but they at least have some legitimate veneer! Team Rocket is an out-and-out organized crime organization! Can't you see the difference?!
Tom: Yeah - bankers wear suits an' televangelists use loads more hair pomade.
Bonuses? BONUSES? Y' smokin' somethin', Falls?
Jerry: Are they going to start talking about health insurance and retirement benefit packages next?!
"I see," said Lulu.
"And the budget we're on kind of complicates things, too," James added. "We
don't really want to be thieves -- circumstance kind of forced this line of work
on us. We're working our butts off to do something worthwhile with our lives,
though...
Jerry: (James) Which is why we keep stalking ONE KID AND HIS PIKACHU in the face of ALL EVIDENCE that it isn't going to work. That's really a sign of people who want to leave thievery ASAP, folks!
and Jessie and I want to get married and have a family someday soon."
Jessie smiled at him and blushed when he said this, and he blushed, too. "But
starting a business,
Jerry: WHAT?
You want to OWN A SMALL BUSINESS, TOO?
You - WHAT? Do you want to have a nice pool in the backyard and a fancy car before you quit thievery, too?!
Would it be SO hard to get a job and try to work your way up?! I mean, maybe yes, but if you're so remorseful, why don't you QUIT once you have enough cash saved up to survive and just fight your own way - like people who don't turn to thievery even in the face of STARVATION?!
I'm not one to preach, but at least I don't pretend that Team Rocket is my only chance to earn a living!
(It's a self-funding vigilante organization. At least in my AU future.)
Tom: *under breath* *to fourth wall* Like Scientology, we'll say whatever brings in th' recruits...
having a nice wedding, being able to provide for
children...it's taking a lot of saving and planning ahead.
Jerry: (Cori!James) Which is why we blow all our cash on crazy inventions that Pikachu will blow up anyway every chance we get!
We've been setting
aside most of our money so we can have that better life. But we've had to make a
lot of sacrifices in order to do that, and money is so tight to begin with that
we sometimes have to sacrifice necessities like food.
Jerry: (Cori!James) In favor of necessities like Arbo-Tanks.
Also, which is more important - saving money, or NOT STARVING?
Tom: But then, y' couldn't have ~Teh Dramaz~.
We stretch our paychecks
as far as they'll go, but more often than not, we don't even get to eat the
entire week before pay day...."
"How awful!" Lulu whispered. "I'm so sorry to hear that!"
"We even take second or third jobs whenever we get the chance, but those never
last long because we're always on the road," Jessie said.
Jerry: So don't STAY on the road, you idiots! Settle down in a big city, commit minor crimes against tourist Trainers under false identities, and accumulate some MONEY so you can EAT!
"We're doing
everything we can, but sometimes our backs are against the wall, and we have no
other choice but to steal. I know that's not an excuse for what we did to you
today...but it is the truth."
Guardian's Song: I'll be perfectly fair to Cori Falls, because I can see what she's doing at this point.
She's trying her damnedest to set up a logical escape route for her favorite characters using logic and foresight. It's really evident here, and I can respect that. This sort of methodical, not-really-normal-dialogue writing is a giveaway. She's trying to give Team Rocket more intelligence behind the scenes than they have in canon.
The problem is that she's simultaneously forcing it to conform to canon, and it's just not compatible with what she's writing. I can write that Harry is secretly reading up on Defense Against The Dark Arts like a full professor in his spare time, but that isn't compatible with what's actually shown in Harry Potter canon, where he seems not to have learned much past Fourth Year. I can write Ash as secretly being a genius, but... ah... um... ERRRRRRRR...
Point being, you HAVE to label some things AU. This fic READS like she was desperately trying to go AU while not going AU and while having her own peculiar issues shining through, but that's just the usual drill and so failed at both.
I do sympathize with Cori as an author. I'm a lot more sympathetic to her than I would have been before I started trying to write a good deal of fanfiction. She does have admirable persistence, good description skills, and genuine empathy for her characters. In some ways (WORDCOUNT*), she's definitely superior to me. I can see how she got the title of "Queen of Rocketshipping"
Just... it's the rest that is so insanely ridiculous/bad/absurd that it sporks itself so hard that it nearly loops around to trollfic!
*That's not sarcasm. I often have issues losing my attention span at about 1K words on a oneshot. As for Miss Falls... 85K on a SINGLE ONESHOT? @_@ Insanity Zeal, thy name is Cori Falls.
"Well, I think it's admirable that you young people are working so hard to make
something of yourselves...and you've proven that when you do have a choice, you
choose to do good.
Jerry: You always have a choice! Stop the pity party, please!
That's all the more reason you deserve a second chance," Lulu
told us. "I have a guest-room. Please stay for the night.
Ariana: (Lulu) *screen flashes* Your party has been fully healed! Come back again soon! :D
In the morning, I'll
do whatever I can to see that you get your second chance."
James nodded and shook her hand. "Thank you, Lulu," he said. "Thank you so much.
You have no idea how much this means to us."
"Don't mention it," she replied. Then, gesturing towards the hallway, "Come on.
I'll show you to your room."
@->->-
After Lulu took us to the guest-room and told us to make ourselves at home,
Jessie and James set up a small cot next to the bed so that Meowth and I would
have a place to sleep. (Much to my delight, Jessie had decided that I didn't
have to go back into my poke ball
Ariana: (Wobbuffet) Wobbuffet, wob wob wob! [Translation: Thank goodness! I don't like being poked!] D:
since I was the reason we were here.) Once
they had everything in order, the two of them stripped off their uniforms and
went into the bathroom to take a shower.
While Jessie and James were bathing, I flopped onto the cot and stretched myself
out. Nice place, I remarked.
"Yeah," Meowth agreed as he admired the cross-stitch pictures and family
photographs that adorned the walls. "Real homey."
I smiled and found my thoughts returning to what James had told Lulu about
wanting to marry Jessie and have kids with her. Meowth?
"Huh?"
Do you think we'll ever have a place like this someday? I asked. A place that we
can call our home?
Tom: *turns abruptly green* What th' MUK! No, no, no, I AIN'T readin' a Meowth/Wobbuffet fic, an' Y' CAN'T MAKE ME!
Jerry: *pale green* Well - we know she won't! They're both male!
Tom: If Wobbuffet suddenly changes sex, I'm leavin'.
Meowth returned my smile. "Well, in a way, we already have a home...with each
other. But I know what ya mean...and yeah, I think we will. Like James said,
dat's why we're workin' our asses off now."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||
Do you ever think about what it's going to be like when we finally do have that
better life?
Meowth's smile grew even wider as he jumped onto the cot and seated himself next
to me. "Only all the time."
I like to think about what Jessie and James's children are gonna be like, I told
him. Except for the twerps and my old trainer, I've always loved kids.
Guardian's Song: Yep, Ash-and-co. are the only kids (aside from Wobbuffet's old trainer) that Wobbuffet has EVER hated. EVER.
*facepalm* Aw, COME ON! Are we REALLY to believe that ONE obnoxious ten-year-old is SO MUCH MORE EVIL than, say, open sadists? And vicious bullies? And, I don't know, THIEVES WHO TAKE POKEMON FROM THEIR BELOVED TRAINERS?
I'm not an Ashfen by any means - when I was a kid, I would have gleefully bashed him after he abandoned Charizard - but this is just frickin' ridiculous!
I really
want to see the day when those two have some of their own.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I can't wait ta be a uncle...and I think dere kids'll
love you, too."
You think so?
He nodded. "I know we pick on ya a lot, Wobbu, but we really are happy dat yer a
part of our family now. We woulda missed out on so much if we never met ya."
This made me smile. Thanks, Meowth.
"Ah, don't mention it."
Support rank increased to A!
After a moment, Jessie and James emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed
in their pajamas.
"Making yourselves comfy?" James asked when he saw us.
"Yep. A cat could get used ta dis," Meowth replied.
I nodded and saluted him.
Jessie came to my side and smiled. "Everything good that happened to us today
happened because of you. Thank you, Wobbuffet," she told me as she planted a
kiss atop my head.
I felt my heart skip a beat when she did this. (Even if Jessie is a human, I
have to admit I've got a bit of a crush on her. Who can resist a beautiful woman
like that, after all?)
Tom: *slams hands down on the desk and stands up, chair screeching on the floor behind him*
*KA-FLOUNCE*
Jerry: Come back here! I'm not going to suffer alone!
{We will now experience a brief delay...}
Aww! Thanks, Jess!
Tom: THANKS FER NOTHIN', Y' DAMN FURRY!
...Eh? Mrs. Weasley, y' say? Y' want yer Capslock back?
...*smug* Well, too bad. I'm a thief. *takes out switchblade* Now, if y' wanna argue with me, lady -
Jerry: *sits back and reads Harry Potter book as carnage ensures* Tom, what do they say about taking a knife to a wandfight?
Tom: ...OUCH...
...*in battered, bruised heap on the floor, switchblade now Transfigured into a very confused duck*
"Good night, you guys," said James.
{snip fluff}
"Good night, Jessie," he said as he put his arms around her. "I love you, too."
After Jessie fell asleep, James stayed awake for a few more minutes, gazing
adoringly at her and running his fingers through her sea of crimson hair.
"It never ceases to amaze me how sweet you can be," he whispered as he traced
the outlines of her facial features with the tip of his finger. "No matter how
tough you try to act, you have a heart of gold, Jess. I love you so much...."
Jerry: Stop Telling rather than Showing. You were an ENGLISH major, Miss Falls - didn't they TEACH you that?!
Guardian's Song: *morosely* I think she paid rapt attention during the How To Write Description parts and fell asleep during anything having to do with Character Development...
I smiled again as I watched James give Jessie a tender kiss on the forehead and
join her in slumber. I'd heard horror stories about how she'd had her heart
broken in the past, and it made me happy to see her with a wonderful man like
James now. In a way, she reminds me of myself -- what she went through with her
ex is sort of like what I went through with Benny.
Tom: *tries desperately to flounce again, Jerry seizing him by the back of his black Rocket uniform this time* Fer Muk's sakes! He's a furry! A bisexual furry! An' his hatred'a his old Trainer's just a bad breakup! It's right there in th' text!
Jerry: No mercy! You're suffering right alongside me!
Tom: I signed up fer Team Rocket Does Harlequin, not Team Rocket Does FURAFFINITY!
Jerry: Stop whining and get back to the spork!
But now that she and I have
finally found people who really do love us, it gives me hope that everything
will be okay.
Tom: I am NOT here fer furry free-love! I have th' My Ponytas Hate You Now wank if I wanna read THAT sort of thing!
Jerry: Neither am I, but we're here for the spork and we'll STAY for the spork!
(Guardian's Song: I think it actually shows that Cori Falls HAD no knowledge of the Furry Fandom, jokes aside. She would have been a LOT more careful with this subtext if she'd understood what it might imply.)
A sense of peace came over me as I thought about the events of the day and
everything Jessie, James, and Meowth had said. Maybe they're right, I said to
myself. Maybe all of the suffering we go through now really will pay off
someday....
Tom: Mine won't!
Jerry: Oh, hush.
And so, with my sense of hope renewed, I, too, drifted into peaceful
repose...and beautiful dreams of the bright future that lay ahead of us.
@->->-
I was awakened the next morning by the familiar gnawing pain of hunger in my
stomach...a pain made all the worse by the warm, sweet aroma of food that was
permeating the room. Jessie and James must've smelled it too because they were
already out of bed and getting dressed, and even Meowth (who normally likes to
sleep in) was awake.
"Whatever Lulu's making for breakfast, it sure smells good!" Jessie said as she
brushed her hair.
After pulling on his shirt, James closed his eyes and sniffed the air. "Smells
like pancakes," he remarked.
Meowth sniffed the air, too. "Not just regular pancakes either -- blueberry
pancakes!"
Guardian's Song: *sarcastically* Nooooo! I thought it was French Toast pancakes!
...Please, Cori Falls, I'm joking. Don't ACTUALLY do that. D:
Jessie grinned. "Then what are we waiting for?! Let's eat!"
"Yeah!" James and Meowth cheered.
With that, the three of them raced out of the room. And not wanting to miss out
on breakfast (especially not one that smelled so delicious), I followed.
Sure enough, when we got to the kitchen, Lulu had a giant platter of blueberry
pancakes ready for us. "Good morning, guys," she said cheerfully. "You're
certainly up early!"
"How could we sleep when dere's food ta be eaten?!" Meowth replied as he stacked
his plate with pancakes and began shoveling forkfuls of them into his mouth.
Jessie and James gave him a playful whack on the head.
"Mind your manners, Meowth!" Jessie snapped.
James grinned sheepishly. "He means good morning, Lulu," he told her.
"Don't worry about it," she chuckled. "Just eat up -- we have a busy day today!"
"Oh, yeah. We gotta visit the mayor, don't we?" Meowth said.
Jessie and James stopped eating for a moment and exchanged looks.
"It's okay. Mayor Houlihan is nice," Lulu said when she saw the concerned
expressions on their faces. "I wouldn't take you to her if I didn't think she'd
be willing to help."
"I know," Jessie said.
"Yeah. We trust your judgement, Lulu," said James.
This made her smile. "Like I said last night -- I talked to her for awhile, and
she's on your side. Just tell her what you told me, and everything should be
just fine."
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
Jessie sighed as she poured two cups of coffee and fixed a plate of pancakes for
me. "I just hope everybody else is as reasonable as Lulu and the mayor," she
whispered to James, handing him one of the cups.
James stirred a bit of milk and sugar into his coffee and took a sip. "I'm sure
they will be, Jess," he assured her.
I smiled at Jessie and saluted as she set the plate in front of me. I knew that
we could trust Lulu, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but share
Jessie's concerns. Could we really trust the rest of the village to give us a
chance to tell our side of the story and hear us out?
I guess only time would tell.
Guardian's Song: *sourly* I left that unsporked so you can see Cori Falls's tendency to reeeeally take her tiiiime with food scenes. And the thing is? Those get WORSE after the Break From Canon!
Dear gad. I dearly wish this woman had run into an editor. We'd at least lose out on her odes to various meals...
With our sporkers recovered, we now head into the next part...
@->->-
When Jessie and James finally stopped kissing (Meowth had to threaten to turn a
hose on them),
Tom: If that works, why doesn't he do it in all'a th' other fics?! Come on, y' catty bastard! Spare us th'rest'a this trash!
we continued on our way. Jessie filled James and Meowth in on her
plan to go to Lulu's house first, and they agreed that it was a good idea. It
felt as if a great weight was being lifted from our conscience as we drew closer
to our destination, but at the same time, I could sense a collective
apprehension...fear that our good intentions were all going to blow up in our
faces.
Guardian's Song: Fun fact - I was just reading some accounts of acid trips for the heck of it.
This sort of hand-waving silliness really does read like the story's on acid. All we need is some hallucinated iguanas and scorpions.
Before long, we found ourselves on the outskirts of the village once again. It
was about ten o'clock, and the Wobbuffet Festival was still going on, but the
festivities were starting to wind down. All of the young families had already
gone home (to put their children to bed, no doubt), and only a few teenagers and
adults remained, milling around the giant Wobbuffet statue in the town square.
One of those people was Lulu. She was standing at the buffet table and helping a
young, dark-haired woman wrap up the leftovers from the feast.
Guardian's Song: Credit where credit is due - Miss Falls does manage to convey environments reasonably well when nobody's talking.
Just... it would be somewhat improved if no one TALKED in her fics... D:
The two of them
had grim expressions on their faces and seemed to be talking about something
important. Knowing that it wasn't yet the right time to reveal our presence,
Jerry: In other words, there's a ~plot-important~ conversation coming up.
She doesn't even try to disguise it!
Jessie, James, Meowth, and I remained hidden in the bushes and did our best to
listen in on their conversation.
"I just don't understand what happened, Rachel," Lulu sighed. "I thought it was
pointless, myself."
"Sounds to me like she screwed up big-time," the woman named Rachel replied.
"First thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna talk to the chief of police and get
this all sorted out."
Lulu nodded approvingly. "Good. Because I saw the whole thing...and it just
wasn't right. Something needs to be done."
"Something WILL be done," Rachel assured her. "Just go home and take it easy
tonight -- I'll see what I can do."
Lulu smiled and picked up a package of the food that she'd helped wrap. "Thank
you."
"Whaddaya think dey was talkin' about?" Meowth whispered as Lulu took her leave.
Tom: It's obviously a metaphor fer all'a these fics. James th' Articunokin just ain't right. I agree with 'em on that. An' they're gonna haul th' author in fer questionin'.
"I heard them mention the police," James replied. "They were probably talking
about what we did today."
"No doubt," Jessie grumbled. "That goddamned Officer Jenny really had it in for
us -- it wouldn't surprise me if they wanted to launch some kind of criminal
investigation."
Jerry: There isn't already one going?!
Does Cori Falls REALLY not grasp that, yes, career criminals tend to get investigated by the police? ESPECIALLY when they've very PUBLICLY been foiled in the act of committing crimes all across the Kanto-Johto continent?!
Tom: What's this "Earth Logic" stuff y' keep messin' around with?
Oh, quit being such a pessimist! I told her. Do you really think Lulu, of all
people, would be calling for the police to come after us?!
Jerry: After you attempted to commit a crime?!
"Wobbuffet is right!" said Meowth. "If anybody in dis burg is still on our side,
it's her!"
Jerry: (Meowth) ...And noboidy in dis burg is on our side! Case closed!
James nodded. "Yeah! Somehow, I doubt she'd turn on us like that -- she's a nice
lady, Jess."
Jerry: Hello there? Team Rocket? Criminals? Does that mean nothing to you?
Tom: Nonsense! They're just poor saps driven t' crime by th' hunger in their bellies, not at all international criminals rankin' highly in an organized crime organization! Ketchum's obviously th' only one who thinks otherwise!
"I know," she sighed. "But actually seeing her again just made me feel worse
than ever about what I did...."
"And that's precisely why we're here," James reminded her. "This is our chance
to make it up to her."
Jessie looked at him.
James smiled and extended his hand. "Now, come on. Let's go," he said softly.
Jessie smiled back at James and placed her hand in his. "Okay," she whispered.
Then, Meowth put his paw on top of their hands, and I put my hand on top of his
paw.
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* The thing is, she was probably really happy in Yu-Gi-Oh fandom... Wonder if she was already into it at this point?
We remained there for several minutes, holding hands and gazing into each
other's eyes.
Jerry: ...Has there ever been proof that Wobbuffets HAVE eyes?
Tom: They obviously mean th' ones on his tail. Ever read th' crack-theory that th' tail's th' REAL Wobbuffet, an' th' body's just th' mother'a all eyespot-like-thingies? 'S why it's got such ridiculous HP an' so many moves focused on counterin'...
Now more than ever, I was grateful that James and Meowth were here
with us...that we were doing this as a team. Once we'd mustered enough courage,
we broke from our huddle and followed Lulu to her house, taking care to stay out
of sight.
Jerry: Yes, it took TWO PEOPLE AND TWO POKEMON a while of mustering courage to pursue ONE WOMAN.
What courage.
When we arrived at Lulu's, I could sense that Jessie was losing her nerve again,
but after a moment of hesitation, she steeled herself and walked up to the door.
"Here goes nothing," she whispered as she began to knock.
James smiled at her again and put a hand on her shoulder.
Jerry: Is she FIVE?!
After a couple of minutes, the door slowly creaked open. Lulu's eyes widened
when she saw us. "Jess?!" she exclaimed.
"L-Lulu? Can I talk to you? Please?" Jessie asked nervously.
Lulu studied us for a moment and nodded. "Of course," she replied. "Come on in."
"Thank you," said Jessie.
Once we were inside, Lulu closed the door behind us. Then, she walked over to
the window and drew the drapes. She obviously didn't want anybody to see us in
her house.
Tom: (Jessie) And then we had an orgy. *fade to black*
Jerry: *spittake*
"I thought Officer Jenny ran you guys out of town! What are you doing
here?" she asked.
"Lulu," Jessie began, "we came back to tell you how sorry we are for what we did
today."
"And to explain why we did it," James added.
Lulu nodded and gestured for us to sit down. "I'm listening," she said.
"We...we didn't mean to cause any trouble, Lulu," Jessie told her as we seated
ourselves at the table.
"Yes. We only took the food because we were hungry," said James.
Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Hungry?! But I gave you lunch before we went to the
festival -- you ate an entire plate of hamburgers! How in the world could you
have been hungry?!"
Jerry: ...You complain about THAT, rather than saying, "YOU TOOK ALL THAT FOOD BECAUSE YOU WERE HUNGRY?"
*sigh* It's just to force a dialogue branch. Watch.
"Well, we wasn't hungry right at dat moment," Meowth told her. "But believe it
or not, dat lunch ya gave us was the first real meal we'd had in days!"
"Are you serious?!" she gasped.
All four of us nodded.
"Well, no wonder you had such an appetite," she remarked.
"We didn't know when the next time we'd have a chance to eat was going to be,"
James explained. "That's why we took the food. It wasn't anything personal or to
be mean -- it was just a survival thing."
"You were so kind to us, Lulu, and we really do appreciate the hospitality you
showed us," Jessie sighed. "Stealing your food was a terrible thing to do, and
we regret it. I just wanted you to know that."
Lulu's expression became grim again as she listened to Jessie.
"You have every right to be angry about what happened, and I don't expect to be
forgiven for what I did," Jessie continued. "But please don't be mad at my
friends. James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet didn't want to take the food, and they
tried to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't listen to them. They didn't do
anything wrong -- this is all my fault. If you're going to hate anybody, then
hate me...."
Guardian's Song: You know, someone reading this will probably point out a logical error here -
But I could really accept this. It might work as part of a fic having Team Rocket transition to being better people. It does make internal sense.
Problem is, in order for them to learn from this, there would need to be consequences. They'd need to continue having remorse at least in part because they meant it, rather than because they were about to get hugs and cuddles from the author.
...Which do you think is about to happen here?
:\
"I don't hate you, Jessie," Lulu said.
Guardian's Song: *facepalm*
Jessie looked up at her. "You don't?"
Lulu shook her head. "I don't hate any of you -- I'm actually glad to see you
again."
"You are?!" Jessie, James, and Meowth asked in unison.
Tom and Jerry: You are?!
"When you first arrived in town and when you were my lunch guests, I didn't see
bad people," Lulu explained as she placed her hand on my head.
Guardian's Song: If you could SEE bad people, would they be even a TENTH as dangerous?!
"Your Wobbuffet
is so happy and energetic -- nobody with a pokemon like this can possibly have
evil in their heart.
Jerry: ...And how did you know it wasn't a psychopathic Wobbuffet?
Tom: Heh heh heh. Y' missed th' obvious remark. Ash Ketchum's Pokemon are almost all so happy an' energetic it's sickenin'. Clearly, Ash must be th' nicest Pokemon Trainer in th' world, eh?
Jerry: Well, there went even Moon Logic.
Jessie, I knew from the moment I saw your Wobbuffet that
you and your friends were good people. But...I guess that's why I was so shocked
to see you trying to steal the festival food. I knew that you were nice, and I
just didn't understand how you could be capable of doing something like that. I
understand now, though. Thank you for telling me."
Jessie hung her head. "It was the very least I could do."
"Well, it's greatly appreciated," Lulu told her. "And if you four will stay
awhile, I'll see what I can do to help you."
"Help...us?" Jessie asked.
Lulu nodded. "The way you saved our festival...and our village was nothing short
of heroic," she said. "It wasn't fair that those children accused you of hurting
our Wobbuffets without any proof, it wasn't fair that Officer Jenny was so quick
to condemn you for breaking the festival rule when you only did it to help us,
it wasn't fair that you were forced to leave town...
Guardian's Song: *literal facepalm* If she just told them that 'Why didn't you ask us for help, after all you'd done to help us?' or anything of the like, I'd forgive a good deal of this. But no, they're just unconditionally given a pass on any and all bad judgment ~because they were desperate~.
Gewd gad...
(And, though I hate to defend untrue accusations - practically every OTHER time that Team Rocket's been seemingly benevolent to anyone, they turn right around and try to steal Pokemon. Ash and the others were just jumping to the overwhelmingly-likeliest conclusion.)
and now that I know why you
took our food, I don't think it was fair that you were punished so severely for
it."
"Life is never fair," James sighed. "We're used to it by now."
"Yeah," said Meowth. "Life's a shit sammich, and every day we take a bite."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| ||
"Watch your language, Meowth! We are guests in this woman's home!" James scolded
him.
Meowth blushed. "Whoops. Sorry about dat."
Jerry: Well, THAT'S a change...
Jessie and I said nothing, just exchanged looks and snickered.
"That's okay," Lulu replied as she got back to her feet and headed for the
kitchen. "And there's still no justification for the way you were treated today.
Even though you were stealing our food, we could've let you have it as payment
for helping us -- we have plenty and to spare.
Jerry: Right. It's not stealing if they would have given it to you anyway? Is this the G-rated version of "can't rape the willing"?
There was no reason for Officer
Jenny or those children to hurt you.
Guardian's Song: Officer Jenny was an idiot, if the recounting given in-fic is accurate. The children, however, had AMPLE reason to believe...
...Wait, I already said this. *headlaptop* Never mind.
It was just wrong. Now, if you'll excuse me
for a moment...."
After Lulu went to the kitchen, Jessie, James, Meowth, and I fell silent and
reflected on everything she'd just told us.
Jerry: (Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet) Yep! Yet ANOTHER Get-Out-Of-Jail-Free card!
When she returned a few minutes
later, she was carrying a large plate of chocolate mint cookies and a steaming
kettle.
"If there's one thing I can't stand, it's unfairness,"
Jerry: Such as to Ash Ketchum?
Tom: Aaaaah, don't talk nonsense. Ash is always evil. If he gave a buncha food t' a million starvin' children, he'd be evil fer not givin' it t' th' POOR, ABUSED TEAM ROCKET instead!
she continued as she set
the cookies on the table and poured us each a mug of hot green tea.
Guardian's Song: *grabby hands* Dang it! Why do Cori Falls's characters get all the GOOD food?! I mean, you'd expect her to serve them ground roses, Valentine's-Day cookies, and chocolate syrup, the way the rest of the fic is!
"And there
was nothing fair about what happened to you."
James, Meowth, and I each grabbed a handful of cookies and began to eat. The
chocolate coating melted in my mouth, and the inside was crisp and cool. They
were the best cookies I'd ever tasted...
Jerry: Yes, just as every time you have sex is the best sex you've ever had.
and actually getting to eat twice in one
day was a rare treat, indeed!
Guardian's Song: Yeah, right. I know Team Rocket dumpster-dove in one book, but if they were REALLY eating only one meal a day - don't you think that would affect their looks, their ability to design all these crazy devices on a regular basis, and their athletic prowess? Perpetual hunger actually DOES have nasty side effects, you know.
"You really are on our side, aren't you?" Jessie asked as she took a sip of her
tea and grabbed a few cookies for herself.
"Yes," Lulu replied. "I consider you guys to be my friends...and I never turn my
back on a friend."
The four of us stopped eating and looked up at her in disbelief when she said
this.
Tom: (Team Rocket) She knew us for less than a day, didn't have any really soul-touching conversations, and we're already besties with her?
Clearly the woman's nuts. Let's get out of here before WE learn what insane stalkers are like.
"I spoke with the mayor earlier," she told us. "And she doesn't think Officer
Jenny was right to punish you, either.
Tom: (Lulu) She wants to "punish" you in person. *waggles eyebrows*
Jerry: Gah! The images!
She promised me that she's going to call
the police chief first thing tomorrow morning and see if he can look into
it...."
"That lady Lulu was talking to at the festival -- that must've been the mayor,"
James whispered to Jessie.
"And that must've been what they were talking about!" Jessie whispered back.
See! Didn't I tell you it was silly to think that Lulu would send the cops after
us? I said.
Jerry: And the momentary pretense at drama was so obvious that it was painful.
"....And if you guys visit the mayor tomorrow and explain the whole situation to
her, I'm sure she'll help you find a way to sort this mess out with the rest of
the village, too," she continued.
"You really think so?" James asked.
"I know so," said Lulu.
Jerry: (Lulu) Deus-ex-machina vult!
Jessie smiled, and her normally sparkling eyes went dull with tears. "Thank
you," she whispered. "I only wanted to apologize -- I didn't expect any kind of
forgiveness or hospitality...but you've given us both."
Jerry: *grinds teeth* Has it EVER been otherwise in a Cori Falls story?!
Tom: (Hogwarts crew) Voldemort attacked at the end of the school year again! What a shock.
(Anita Blake crew) Anita's humping a weresquid, a vampire, and the postman! What a shock.
(Fire Emblem crew) The final boss is a dragon! What a shock.
(Legend of Zelda crew) It was Ganondorf all along! What a shock.
(Pokemon crew) It was Team Rocket in disguise! What a shock.
(Fandom Wank) SPN fandom is batshit insane! What a shock.
(Das Mervin) Twilight characters are sociopaths! What a shock.
Richard: (Sporkers) Cori Falls's fics have no Earth Logic! What a shock.
Guardian's Song: Hey, when'd YOU get here? *boots*
Lulu returned her smile. "Well, the very fact that you came back to apologize
proves that you're good people...that you deserve to be forgiven."
Guardian's Song: *through teeth* Is it so hard to hold them responsible ONCE? ONCE? ONCE?
"See, Jess. I knew she'd understand!" said Meowth.
"Yeah," James told Jessie as he put an arm around her shoulders. "Lulu is a good
friend --
Tom: I take it back. Yer all psychos.
we didn't have anything to worry about."
Lulu chuckled and seated herself at the table again. "Not to be nosy, but why
were you guys starving in the first place?" she asked, changing the subject. "I
see those uniforms you're wearing, and you even said that you're members of Team
Rocket --
Jerry: You wore criminal uniforms TO YOUR APOLOGY?! *grabs hair in both fists and starts tugging*
Tom: *mouth open*
...
...
...
Fer MUK'S sakes. Yer completely Mukin' insane.
Ferget Earth Logic. Ferget Moon Logic. This is ALPHA CENTAURI Logic.
that must mean you have jobs.
Jerry: That's your ONLY REACTION to having Team Rocket members in your house?! "That must mean you have jobs"?!
Tom: Too Stupid T' Live?! Too Stupid T' BREATHE!
Why can't you just buy food?"
Tom: (Lulu) Or steal it! From someone else!
"I wish it was dat simple," Meowth sighed. "But paltry don't even begin ta
describe our salary -- we can barely make ends meet, even after we put all three
of our paychecks tagedda!"
"And we're not exactly the best employees," Jessie grumbled. "You saw with your
own eyes how incompetent we are at stealing. We don't get that many bonuses, and
a raise is pretty much out of the question."
Jerry: ...This is thievery! It's not a common corporate job! BONUSES? RAISES?
I mean, you can make all the jokes you like about the financial sector and televangelists, but they at least have some legitimate veneer! Team Rocket is an out-and-out organized crime organization! Can't you see the difference?!
Tom: Yeah - bankers wear suits an' televangelists use loads more hair pomade.
Bonuses? BONUSES? Y' smokin' somethin', Falls?
Jerry: Are they going to start talking about health insurance and retirement benefit packages next?!
"I see," said Lulu.
"And the budget we're on kind of complicates things, too," James added. "We
don't really want to be thieves -- circumstance kind of forced this line of work
on us. We're working our butts off to do something worthwhile with our lives,
though...
Jerry: (James) Which is why we keep stalking ONE KID AND HIS PIKACHU in the face of ALL EVIDENCE that it isn't going to work. That's really a sign of people who want to leave thievery ASAP, folks!
and Jessie and I want to get married and have a family someday soon."
Jessie smiled at him and blushed when he said this, and he blushed, too. "But
starting a business,
Jerry: WHAT?
You want to OWN A SMALL BUSINESS, TOO?
You - WHAT? Do you want to have a nice pool in the backyard and a fancy car before you quit thievery, too?!
Would it be SO hard to get a job and try to work your way up?! I mean, maybe yes, but if you're so remorseful, why don't you QUIT once you have enough cash saved up to survive and just fight your own way - like people who don't turn to thievery even in the face of STARVATION?!
I'm not one to preach, but at least I don't pretend that Team Rocket is my only chance to earn a living!
(It's a self-funding vigilante organization. At least in my AU future.)
Tom: *under breath* *to fourth wall* Like Scientology, we'll say whatever brings in th' recruits...
having a nice wedding, being able to provide for
children...it's taking a lot of saving and planning ahead.
Jerry: (Cori!James) Which is why we blow all our cash on crazy inventions that Pikachu will blow up anyway every chance we get!
We've been setting
aside most of our money so we can have that better life. But we've had to make a
lot of sacrifices in order to do that, and money is so tight to begin with that
we sometimes have to sacrifice necessities like food.
Jerry: (Cori!James) In favor of necessities like Arbo-Tanks.
Also, which is more important - saving money, or NOT STARVING?
Tom: But then, y' couldn't have ~Teh Dramaz~.
We stretch our paychecks
as far as they'll go, but more often than not, we don't even get to eat the
entire week before pay day...."
"How awful!" Lulu whispered. "I'm so sorry to hear that!"
"We even take second or third jobs whenever we get the chance, but those never
last long because we're always on the road," Jessie said.
Jerry: So don't STAY on the road, you idiots! Settle down in a big city, commit minor crimes against tourist Trainers under false identities, and accumulate some MONEY so you can EAT!
"We're doing
everything we can, but sometimes our backs are against the wall, and we have no
other choice but to steal. I know that's not an excuse for what we did to you
today...but it is the truth."
Guardian's Song: I'll be perfectly fair to Cori Falls, because I can see what she's doing at this point.
She's trying her damnedest to set up a logical escape route for her favorite characters using logic and foresight. It's really evident here, and I can respect that. This sort of methodical, not-really-normal-dialogue writing is a giveaway. She's trying to give Team Rocket more intelligence behind the scenes than they have in canon.
The problem is that she's simultaneously forcing it to conform to canon, and it's just not compatible with what she's writing. I can write that Harry is secretly reading up on Defense Against The Dark Arts like a full professor in his spare time, but that isn't compatible with what's actually shown in Harry Potter canon, where he seems not to have learned much past Fourth Year. I can write Ash as secretly being a genius, but... ah... um... ERRRRRRRR...
Point being, you HAVE to label some things AU. This fic READS like she was desperately trying to go AU while not going AU and while having her own peculiar issues shining through, but that's just the usual drill and so failed at both.
I do sympathize with Cori as an author. I'm a lot more sympathetic to her than I would have been before I started trying to write a good deal of fanfiction. She does have admirable persistence, good description skills, and genuine empathy for her characters. In some ways (WORDCOUNT*), she's definitely superior to me. I can see how she got the title of "Queen of Rocketshipping"
Just... it's the rest that is so insanely ridiculous/bad/absurd that it sporks itself so hard that it nearly loops around to trollfic!
*That's not sarcasm. I often have issues losing my attention span at about 1K words on a oneshot. As for Miss Falls... 85K on a SINGLE ONESHOT? @_@ Insanity Zeal, thy name is Cori Falls.
"Well, I think it's admirable that you young people are working so hard to make
something of yourselves...and you've proven that when you do have a choice, you
choose to do good.
Jerry: You always have a choice! Stop the pity party, please!
That's all the more reason you deserve a second chance," Lulu
told us. "I have a guest-room. Please stay for the night.
Ariana: (Lulu) *screen flashes* Your party has been fully healed! Come back again soon! :D
In the morning, I'll
do whatever I can to see that you get your second chance."
James nodded and shook her hand. "Thank you, Lulu," he said. "Thank you so much.
You have no idea how much this means to us."
"Don't mention it," she replied. Then, gesturing towards the hallway, "Come on.
I'll show you to your room."
@->->-
After Lulu took us to the guest-room and told us to make ourselves at home,
Jessie and James set up a small cot next to the bed so that Meowth and I would
have a place to sleep. (Much to my delight, Jessie had decided that I didn't
have to go back into my poke ball
Ariana: (Wobbuffet) Wobbuffet, wob wob wob! [Translation: Thank goodness! I don't like being poked!] D:
since I was the reason we were here.) Once
they had everything in order, the two of them stripped off their uniforms and
went into the bathroom to take a shower.
While Jessie and James were bathing, I flopped onto the cot and stretched myself
out. Nice place, I remarked.
"Yeah," Meowth agreed as he admired the cross-stitch pictures and family
photographs that adorned the walls. "Real homey."
I smiled and found my thoughts returning to what James had told Lulu about
wanting to marry Jessie and have kids with her. Meowth?
"Huh?"
Do you think we'll ever have a place like this someday? I asked. A place that we
can call our home?
Tom: *turns abruptly green* What th' MUK! No, no, no, I AIN'T readin' a Meowth/Wobbuffet fic, an' Y' CAN'T MAKE ME!
Jerry: *pale green* Well - we know she won't! They're both male!
Tom: If Wobbuffet suddenly changes sex, I'm leavin'.
Meowth returned my smile. "Well, in a way, we already have a home...with each
other. But I know what ya mean...and yeah, I think we will. Like James said,
dat's why we're workin' our asses off now."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||
Do you ever think about what it's going to be like when we finally do have that
better life?
Meowth's smile grew even wider as he jumped onto the cot and seated himself next
to me. "Only all the time."
I like to think about what Jessie and James's children are gonna be like, I told
him. Except for the twerps and my old trainer, I've always loved kids.
Guardian's Song: Yep, Ash-and-co. are the only kids (aside from Wobbuffet's old trainer) that Wobbuffet has EVER hated. EVER.
*facepalm* Aw, COME ON! Are we REALLY to believe that ONE obnoxious ten-year-old is SO MUCH MORE EVIL than, say, open sadists? And vicious bullies? And, I don't know, THIEVES WHO TAKE POKEMON FROM THEIR BELOVED TRAINERS?
I'm not an Ashfen by any means - when I was a kid, I would have gleefully bashed him after he abandoned Charizard - but this is just frickin' ridiculous!
I really
want to see the day when those two have some of their own.
"Yeah," he whispered. "I can't wait ta be a uncle...and I think dere kids'll
love you, too."
You think so?
He nodded. "I know we pick on ya a lot, Wobbu, but we really are happy dat yer a
part of our family now. We woulda missed out on so much if we never met ya."
This made me smile. Thanks, Meowth.
"Ah, don't mention it."
Support rank increased to A!
After a moment, Jessie and James emerged from the bathroom, showered and dressed
in their pajamas.
"Making yourselves comfy?" James asked when he saw us.
"Yep. A cat could get used ta dis," Meowth replied.
I nodded and saluted him.
Jessie came to my side and smiled. "Everything good that happened to us today
happened because of you. Thank you, Wobbuffet," she told me as she planted a
kiss atop my head.
I felt my heart skip a beat when she did this. (Even if Jessie is a human, I
have to admit I've got a bit of a crush on her. Who can resist a beautiful woman
like that, after all?)
Tom: *slams hands down on the desk and stands up, chair screeching on the floor behind him*
*KA-FLOUNCE*
Jerry: Come back here! I'm not going to suffer alone!
{We will now experience a brief delay...}
Aww! Thanks, Jess!
Tom: THANKS FER NOTHIN', Y' DAMN FURRY!
...Eh? Mrs. Weasley, y' say? Y' want yer Capslock back?
...*smug* Well, too bad. I'm a thief. *takes out switchblade* Now, if y' wanna argue with me, lady -
Jerry: *sits back and reads Harry Potter book as carnage ensures* Tom, what do they say about taking a knife to a wandfight?
Tom: ...OUCH...
...*in battered, bruised heap on the floor, switchblade now Transfigured into a very confused duck*
"Good night, you guys," said James.
{snip fluff}
"Good night, Jessie," he said as he put his arms around her. "I love you, too."
After Jessie fell asleep, James stayed awake for a few more minutes, gazing
adoringly at her and running his fingers through her sea of crimson hair.
"It never ceases to amaze me how sweet you can be," he whispered as he traced
the outlines of her facial features with the tip of his finger. "No matter how
tough you try to act, you have a heart of gold, Jess. I love you so much...."
Jerry: Stop Telling rather than Showing. You were an ENGLISH major, Miss Falls - didn't they TEACH you that?!
Guardian's Song: *morosely* I think she paid rapt attention during the How To Write Description parts and fell asleep during anything having to do with Character Development...
I smiled again as I watched James give Jessie a tender kiss on the forehead and
join her in slumber. I'd heard horror stories about how she'd had her heart
broken in the past, and it made me happy to see her with a wonderful man like
James now. In a way, she reminds me of myself -- what she went through with her
ex is sort of like what I went through with Benny.
Tom: *tries desperately to flounce again, Jerry seizing him by the back of his black Rocket uniform this time* Fer Muk's sakes! He's a furry! A bisexual furry! An' his hatred'a his old Trainer's just a bad breakup! It's right there in th' text!
Jerry: No mercy! You're suffering right alongside me!
Tom: I signed up fer Team Rocket Does Harlequin, not Team Rocket Does FURAFFINITY!
Jerry: Stop whining and get back to the spork!
But now that she and I have
finally found people who really do love us, it gives me hope that everything
will be okay.
Tom: I am NOT here fer furry free-love! I have th' My Ponytas Hate You Now wank if I wanna read THAT sort of thing!
Jerry: Neither am I, but we're here for the spork and we'll STAY for the spork!
(Guardian's Song: I think it actually shows that Cori Falls HAD no knowledge of the Furry Fandom, jokes aside. She would have been a LOT more careful with this subtext if she'd understood what it might imply.)
A sense of peace came over me as I thought about the events of the day and
everything Jessie, James, and Meowth had said. Maybe they're right, I said to
myself. Maybe all of the suffering we go through now really will pay off
someday....
Tom: Mine won't!
Jerry: Oh, hush.
And so, with my sense of hope renewed, I, too, drifted into peaceful
repose...and beautiful dreams of the bright future that lay ahead of us.
@->->-
I was awakened the next morning by the familiar gnawing pain of hunger in my
stomach...a pain made all the worse by the warm, sweet aroma of food that was
permeating the room. Jessie and James must've smelled it too because they were
already out of bed and getting dressed, and even Meowth (who normally likes to
sleep in) was awake.
"Whatever Lulu's making for breakfast, it sure smells good!" Jessie said as she
brushed her hair.
After pulling on his shirt, James closed his eyes and sniffed the air. "Smells
like pancakes," he remarked.
Meowth sniffed the air, too. "Not just regular pancakes either -- blueberry
pancakes!"
Guardian's Song: *sarcastically* Nooooo! I thought it was French Toast pancakes!
...Please, Cori Falls, I'm joking. Don't ACTUALLY do that. D:
Jessie grinned. "Then what are we waiting for?! Let's eat!"
"Yeah!" James and Meowth cheered.
With that, the three of them raced out of the room. And not wanting to miss out
on breakfast (especially not one that smelled so delicious), I followed.
Sure enough, when we got to the kitchen, Lulu had a giant platter of blueberry
pancakes ready for us. "Good morning, guys," she said cheerfully. "You're
certainly up early!"
"How could we sleep when dere's food ta be eaten?!" Meowth replied as he stacked
his plate with pancakes and began shoveling forkfuls of them into his mouth.
Jessie and James gave him a playful whack on the head.
"Mind your manners, Meowth!" Jessie snapped.
James grinned sheepishly. "He means good morning, Lulu," he told her.
"Don't worry about it," she chuckled. "Just eat up -- we have a busy day today!"
"Oh, yeah. We gotta visit the mayor, don't we?" Meowth said.
Jessie and James stopped eating for a moment and exchanged looks.
"It's okay. Mayor Houlihan is nice," Lulu said when she saw the concerned
expressions on their faces. "I wouldn't take you to her if I didn't think she'd
be willing to help."
"I know," Jessie said.
"Yeah. We trust your judgement, Lulu," said James.
This made her smile. "Like I said last night -- I talked to her for awhile, and
she's on your side. Just tell her what you told me, and everything should be
just fine."
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
Jessie sighed as she poured two cups of coffee and fixed a plate of pancakes for
me. "I just hope everybody else is as reasonable as Lulu and the mayor," she
whispered to James, handing him one of the cups.
James stirred a bit of milk and sugar into his coffee and took a sip. "I'm sure
they will be, Jess," he assured her.
I smiled at Jessie and saluted as she set the plate in front of me. I knew that
we could trust Lulu, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but share
Jessie's concerns. Could we really trust the rest of the village to give us a
chance to tell our side of the story and hear us out?
I guess only time would tell.
Guardian's Song: *sourly* I left that unsporked so you can see Cori Falls's tendency to reeeeally take her tiiiime with food scenes. And the thing is? Those get WORSE after the Break From Canon!
Dear gad. I dearly wish this woman had run into an editor. We'd at least lose out on her odes to various meals...