Now Sporking: The Difference, Part 6/6 (LJ EDITION)
@->->-
As luck would have it, the decorations from yesterday were still up, and there
were some fireworks left over, too...and since everybody was already in the town
square, arranging another party was a simple matter.
Jerry: (Villagers) We totally don't mind throwing away all our plans and obligations for the night to suck YOUR toes! :D
The only problem was that
there wasn't enough food left over from yesterday's festival, but Lulu quickly
remedied that by suggesting that they make the party into a potluck dinner. It
took a couple of hours for everybody to go home and make a dish to bring, but it
was well worth it...and getting to sample everybody's cooking gave a real "down
home" feeling to the party.
Jerry: Seriously?! They're making FOOD OFFERINGS to Team Rocket?!
Tom: Okay, I ain't kiddin' - in what fic do they construct th' temple?
Guardian's Song: They never do that.
Tom: Aw, c'mon, don't lie. I ain't gonna run away just so long as there's no furry stuff in th' 'dedication rites'. Just name th' fic.
Guardian's Song: Um... Tom, I'm serious.
Tom: They're conductin' a festival in their honor an' takin' hours out'a their nights t' cook th' Great God Rocket meals. Y' expect me t' BELIEVE that?
And now, as my friends and I stood at the buffet table, helping ourselves to
lettuce wraps, roasted chicken, pimento cheese sandwiches, strawberry rhubarb
pie, and various other things that the villagers had made,
Guardian's Song: No parody can outdo the actual fics.
I'm sorry, but these fics are such that even the most exaggerated parodies can only pass for the real thing.
I found myself
thinking again about this festival and everything it symbolized.
Jerry: *dry heaving* It represents the author's obsessive adoration fantasies for her favorite characters!
Tom: An' our queasy guts...
In a way, it
blows my mind to know that there's an entire village of people in this world
that honor and revere
Jerry: (Cori Falls) - my favorite characters! >:D BOW, PEONS! BOW!
pokemon like me. From the way Benny treated me, I never
would've imagined that I was a pokemon worth being respected...
Tom: Aw, stop yappin' about yer ex, y' twisted furry!
and I never
would've learned about this village or this festival if not for Jessie, James,
and Meowth.
Once everybody had finished eating, the mayor took the microphone again and
addressed us. "So, are you all having a good time?" she asked.
Her question was met with a round of applause.
"Then why don't we give a cheer to the folks who made this possible?" she
suggested. With that, she gestured to the four of us.
Jessie blushed, and James grinned sheepishly as everybody around us started
clapping and cheering once more.
Jerry: *runs to the bathroom to start heaving*
Tom: An' t' think, if she had just lived in a later era'a th' internet, she could have just summed this entire fic up with an OOH TR OOH macro.
"Speech! Speech!" Meowth cried, pushing the two of them towards the front of the
crowd.
James's face turned as red as Jessie's when everybody else stated chanting for
them to give a speech, too.
"I'll get you for this, Meowth!" Jessie said through clenched teeth.
"Aw, come on! It won't be so bad!" he told them.
Yeah! Can't be any worse than that big apology you gave earlier! I chimed in as
I helped the cat push them forward.
Tom: Y' ALREADY gave a speech! Shaddup!
When the mayor handed the microphone back to Jessie, she cleared her throat and
thought for a moment about what she was going to say. "Y-you know...when we were
watching the fireworks last night...and heard the festival music in the
distance...I felt like the scum of the earth.
Tom: Y' are!
I'd done my friends and my pokemon
a great disservice, and as I watched the festivities, it made me feel even worse
because my friends deserved to be celebrated,
Jerry: *retching noises from bathroom*
and they were missing out because
of me," she began. "And...knowing that I'd done something hurtful to you made me
feel bad, too. Nobody has ever treated us with so much kindness as the people of
this village -- we're usually hated and despised wherever we go.
Tom: Stop wearin' Rocket uniforms in front'a cops, morons!
I considered
you to be our friends as well...and I couldn't live with myself knowing what I'd
done to you.
Tom: We know! Shaddup!
"I came back here last night for no other reason than to apologize and explain
myself. I never expected anything like this," she continued. "So...I just wanted
to say thank you. Thank you for forgiving me and my friends. Thank you for
giving us a second chance. From the bottom of my heart...thank you."
Jerry: Stop talking!
As Jessie finished her speech, James kissed her on the forehead and took the
microphone. "I'd like to thank all of you, too," he said. "Not just for the
kindness, understanding, and hospitality you've shown us...but for reminding us
of what we're working for. You see, what we want is what you have -- a place
that we can call our home, a little house with cross-stitch pictures on the
walls and home-made afghans on the beds, a big yard for children and pokemon to
play in, maybe even a rose garden -- you get the idea.
Jerry: *sobbing and retching* Stop rubbing this glurge in!
Tom: An' YEP, they want it all. Ain't gonna settle fer an apartment while they work their way up, ain't gonna settle fer a cheap shack while they save their cash, ain't gonna settle fer a small yard - want t' own a nice home with a big yard an' a frickin' ROSE GARDEN.
Yeah, they're sure poor starvin' hardworkin' sorts, all right!
Sometimes it feels
hopeless, but being here and seeing what you have just reminds us that if we
keep working at it, someday we'll have what you have, too.
Jerry: (Cori!Team Rocket) Maybe we can get a nice, big, Martha-Stewart-esque prison cell, too! :D
Thank you for
renewing our hope...for showing us that our goal is in sight."
When James's speech drew to a close, Meowth took the microphone from him. "Just
remember dat sometimes ya gotta break the rules ta make dis world a better
place," he told them.
Jerry: SHUT UP! *retches*
Tom: Dang, I think yer on th' ghost'a Christmas Dinner Past by now.
"But no matter what happens, dere's two rules dat should
never be broken. Coincidentally, dey're also the only two rules for tonight's
festival. And dose two rules are, be excellent ta each other...."
....And PARTY ON, DUDES!!! I chimed in, finishing the sentence for him.
"Thank you, Bill and Ted!" James laughed.
Jerry: *HEADTOILET*
Suddenly, I'm not longer nauseated. Just... angry.
Tom: Yer tellin' me. I ain't been this talked-down-to since I was in a crib.
"Those pokemon have been watching way too much TV," Jessie groaned.
Once the applause our speeches were met with died down a little, the mayor took
back the microphone and addressed the villagers once again. "Well, who are we to
break rules?" she said. "Let's party!" She then gestured to the town's
pyrotechnician, who started the firework show.
As the crowd "Ooohhhed" and "Aaahhhed" at the fireworks, the four of us
approached the mayor once more.
"Enjoying the show?" she asked. "Andrew is a real expert -- he plans all the
firework displays himself...."
Tom: In a few hours with no notice, no less.
"Yeah! Dey're real gorgeous!" Meowth replied as a pink and purple fireburst with
a green halo exploded in the sky.
"We just wanted to thank you again, Mayor Houlihan," said James.
"Oh, you don't have to be so formal," she told us. "All my friends call me
Rachel."
"Okay. Then thanks...Rachel," Jessie said.
"Don't mention it."
I smiled at them and turned my attention back to the fireworks. Last night
they'd seemed so distant, a bitter reminder of our constant failure. But now
that I actually saw them up close...now that they were for me and my friends, I
finally noticed just how wonderful they were.
Tom: *snerk* Yeah, y' only care when it's a suckup fer y', don'tcha?
Like snowflakes, no two were
exactly alike -- each explosion was a different color and form.
Jerry: *comes out of bathroom, wiping mouth* Well, I - SHE'S PLAYING THE "SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE" LINE SERIOUSLY?! *runs back into bathroom*
There was one
that fanned out like golden palm fronds, one that exploded in the shape of a
silver star, a spinning Catherine wheel, a fireburst that was every color of the
rainbow -- each one was beautiful in its own special way.
One firework in particular caught my attention, however -- it exploded in the
shape of a giant red heart. Seeing it reminded me of the love we all have for
each other...and the bright future that Jessie and James's love was going to
make possible.
Tom: *laughing hysterically*
Jerry: *retching hysterically*
Not wanting them to miss out, I tapped their legs and pointed to the big heart
in the sky. Hey, guys! This one's for you!
"Alright, alright, we'll watch the fireworks with you," Jessie replied.
She and James were having a conversation with Lulu and Rachel, and they were
reluctant to end it, but when they saw the firework, they smiled.
Tom: How slowly is that firework FADIN'?
Jerry: At the speed of plot.
"Wow! That's really beautiful!" Jessie sighed.
"Think he wanted us to see it for a reason?" James queried.
I nodded.
"Awww! Is dat yer way of sayin' ya love us, Wobbu?" Meowth asked.
Yeah, it is, I told him. But I was also hoping it'd make Jess and Jim get all
lovey-dovey again.
Tom: WHAT?! Gah! Stop that stuff, y' disgustin' HUMAN-VOYEUR!
He's manufacturing his own furry porn! D:
Jerry: *from bathroom* Ohhhhhh gaaaaaaaaaawd. *retches*
"Heh! Great minds think alike!" Meowth laughed. Then, turning back to James,
"Hey! Wobbu sez he wants ya ta give Jessie a kiss!"
Tom: D8
James blushed.
Come on, lover-boy! Give her a big, juicy, wet one! You know you want to! I
said.
Tom: D:
Jessie blushed too when she heard me.
James smiled shyly and wrapped his arms around her. "Oh, what could it hurt,
Jess?" he asked. "These people already know we're in love!"
Jessie returned his smile and his embrace. "Yeah. Not everybody's as dense as
that twerp."
"Thank goodness for that!" he chuckled.
Jessie giggled and leaned closer to James. And as their lips met, they tightened
their hold on each other and melted with passion.
Several people clapped when they saw Jessie and James kissing,
Jerry: *decides to just unceremoniously pass out*
but the two of
them paid no mind. They were too engrossed in each other to care about anything
anymore. And as they kissed, the fireworks continued to explode behind them,
each one more dazzling than the last. It was almost as if the fireworks were for
them and them alone, celebrating their life...and their love.
Tom: ...An' y' know somethin'? With that line, I'm gonna have t' make sure my teammate ain't chokin' on vomit in her sleep.
I'M practically chokin' on vomit, and I AIN'T asleep! *runs to bathroom*
Guardian's Song: Yeah, screw this being "for the villagers". That, right there? THAT admitted it was for Team Rocket and Team Rocket a-
It seemed only fitting.
Guardian's Song: Screw the sporkers, I'M gagging!
@->->-
{...after some mild gagging and the restoration of the sporkers, the sporking resumes}
When the party finally ended several hours later, the four of us returned to
Lulu's house and spent another night in her guest-room. And after another hearty
breakfast the next morning, Jessie and James told her that we'd soon be leaving.
"I figured you weren't going to stay long," Lulu said, with more than a hint of
sadness in her voice.
"I wish we could stay awhile, but we have a long journey ahead of us...and a lot
of work to do," Jessie replied.
"But thank you for sharing your home with us," said James. "My friends and I
will never forget your hospitality."
Tom: (James) If you know what I mean. *wink*
Jerry: Do you mind? I just FINISHED retching.
"Well, you'll always have a home here -- my village won't soon forget what you
did for us either," Lulu told us. "I hope we meet again someday."
Meowth smiled. "I hope we do, too. Yer a real class-act, Lulu!"
Tom: (Meowth) ...Class-SUCKUP act, that is.
Yeah! It's not every day we meet a nice person like you! I chimed in.
Lulu returned our smiles and patted me on the head. "You take good care of your
friends, Wobbuffet," she whispered.
Don't worry -- I will! I promised, saluting her.
As Lulu followed us outside so that she could walk us to our balloon, however,
we saw a large group of villagers being led by Rachel. And they were coming our
way.
Tom: (Villagers) KILL THE SUES! KILL THE SUES!
Jerry: (Villagers) Give us back the REAL Team Rocket if you want to live!
"Wh-what's going on?" Jessie asked.
"We figured you were going to be leaving soon, so we came to see you off,"
Rachel explained. "We have some stuff for you."
James raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
Tom: (Villagers) Three balloon animals, a package of extra-large condoms, a hobby-horse, and a real life Wailord. Don't even ask, just take them.
Rachel nodded and handed something to Jessie. "I had this plaque made for you."
Jessie smiled and showed the plaque to us. It was made of smooth, polished
cherry wood, and the gold plate had our likenesses engraved on it, along with
the words, In honor of Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet of Team Rocket --
the heroes who broke the law to save the day.
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: *bursts out laughing* CALLED IT!
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: Told y' so, didn't I? But y' kept denyin' it...
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
"It's exquisite!" James remarked. "Thank you so much, Rachel!"
"I also put one just like it at the base of our Wobbuffet statue in the town
square," she said. "That way, we can always remember you and what you've done
for us."
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: An' I want y' t' always remember THIS when y' think I'm exaggeratin' somethin'.
Guardian's Song: They LITERALLY DEDICATED THEIR WOBBUFFET STATUE TO TEAM ROCKET?!
Tom: *smirks* An' I bet they'll kiss it three times a day.
Guardian's Song:
Tom: Tooooold yooooooou.
Guardian's Song: This is worse than ANY FREAKING PARODY could have GUESSED!!
Tom: *laughs maliciously* Welcome t' Coriland, spork captain! Enjoy yer stay an' DON'T mind th' furries...
Jessie blushed. "Why...thank you so much! This is a real honor!"
"We have something else for you, too," she added.
When she said this, several villagers stepped forward and handed a large package
to each of us.
"What's all dis?" Meowth asked.
"Food," the mayor replied. "I know it's not much, but...."
"It's more than we ever could've asked for," Jessie said, cutting her off.
"Yeah!" said James. "Who are we to scoff at free food?"
Rachel shook her head. "It's not free -- you've earned every bit of it...and
more."
Jerry: *turns an involuntary retch into a cough*
Tom: Y' okay?
Jerry: Yeah... yeah... sure I am...
"Well, free or not, you can bet we'll enjoy it!" Meowth told her.
Rachel smiled as Jessie and James started packing our stuff into the balloon.
"I'm just glad we could do something to help."
Once all of our stuff was packed and we'd piled into the basket, James fired up
the balloon.
"Come back and visit us real soon!" Lulu called to us. "But until then,
farewell, wherever you fare!"
"We'll try!" Meowth called back to her.
Jessie and James waved to the crowd. "Good-bye!"
Bye! I said as I waved, too.
Everybody waved back at us, their farewells and good wishes echoing in our ears
long after the village disappeared over the horizon.
And so, we continued on our journey with a fresh supply of food, an honorary
plaque...and more importantly, the memories of an amazing adventure and a
village full of friends at our backs.
Jerry: *breaks down in moans*
This fic... is so... awful...
Tom: ...Y' know, I may feel sorry fer y', but y' really should've let me leave when I freaked out over th' furries.
Jerry: ...Fine, then, I'll offer a formal apology for that... later... when my stomach's settled...
@->->-
"Well, Jessie, it looks like we ended up with food, friends, and a festival,
after all!" James remarked later that afternoon.
"Yeah! Not bad for a bunch of criminals! Not bad at all!" Jessie laughed.
When she said this, I found myself reflecting on something Lulu had told Ash
yesterday -- sometimes there's a difference between what's legal and what's
right. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right!
My friends may not always obey the law, and sometimes circumstance forces them
to do bad things,
Jerry: (WRH!Jessie) That twelve-year-old MADE us beat him to a pulp!
but when they have a choice, they always choose to do good.
Tom: -______________________________________________________-
And they're never afraid to put themselves at risk when it serves the greater
good...no matter what the cost.
Aberforth Dumbledore: "Greater good" meaning "whatever serves our purposes today!"
Albus Dumbledore: *sniff* I beg your pardon.
Aberforth Dumbledore: Too bad, because I'm not giving it.
They may be criminals, but they're not bad. I
just wish more people were able to understand that.
Oh, well. I guess it's not completely hopeless -- Lulu, Rachel, and the rest of
those villagers saw the goodness in our hearts, after all, I said to myself.
Jerry: *contemplating pill catalogs* Is it possible to OD on Dramamine?
Tom: I dunno. If y' find out, tell ME.
Maybe someday more people will wake up and realize that we don't live in a world
where good and evil are defined by laws and boundaries, but by the desire to do
what's right.
Guardian's Song: For fuck's sakes, REALLY?!
Right. So if ANYONE does ANYTHING wrong but they ~had good intentions~, THAT LETS THEM OFF COMPLETELY?!
Holy ****! I'm not even going to ADDRESS that one! I'm not even going to dignify it with a response! Holy ****!
The only thing I'll say about that is that she's not counting ASH'S good intentions or JENNY'S good intentions, and let the READERS rant about ALL THE MYRIAD THINGS WRONG WITH THAT ONE SENTENCE!
One can only hope....
Suddenly, my train of thought was derailed by a jab in the ribs from Meowth.
Ouch! What was that for?! I demanded.
"Check it out, Wobbu!" he snickered. "It would appear dat our friends is
renewin' dere membership in the Mile High Club...yet again!"
Tom: Stop watchin' furry porn, y' two perverts! Yer POKEMON! Not HUMANS!
I looked and saw that Jessie and James were kissing. They'd taken off their
shirts, and James was unhooking Jessie's bra while she unzipped his pants.
Yep. Looks like Team Rocket's gettin' it on again! I agreed.
Jerry: ...
*starts weakly banging her head against the desk*
I quit. I quit. I quit. The fic is lampshading itself. There's no purpose for me as a sporker. This is cruel and unusual punishment. I want a lawyer.
Guardian's Song: No lawyers in Sporkerland, sorry! :D
Jerry: Let me guess, the charge of "false imprisonment" doesn't count either.
Guardian's Song: Nope!
Jerry: *whimpers*
Jessie and James stopped what they were doing when they heard us.
James sweatdropped, and I saw him mouth the word, "shit."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||
Then, turning back to
Jessie, "Uh...we're not going to do this with the pokemon watching, are we,
Jess?!"
"Of course not!" she replied. "Wobbuffet can always go back into his poke ball!"
Ariana: D: That poor Wobbuffet! Getting poked through no fault of his own! With a BALL, no less!
A mischievous grin spread across James's lips as he looked over his shoulder at
us once again. "And we can always jettison Meowth!" he said.
Tom: YIFF IN HELL, FURCAT!
"Oh, no ya don't!" Meowth snapped.
"Just kidding!" Jessie and James said in unison.
"I guess I'll just go up top and catch some rays for awhile," he sighed.
The two of them grinned as Meowth let down the rope ladder and climbed up to the
top of the balloon.
Once he was gone, Jessie brought out my poke ball. "And now, it's your turn...."
Wait! I said before she could activate the ball.
Jessie closed her eyes and exhaled in a loud huff. "I'm not leaving you out --
when it comes to the dirty jokes and smart remarks, you're just as bad as
Meowth!"
I shrugged. What can I say? I'm a carbon copy of him added just for that elusive echo-chamber effect! I learned from the best!
"Back in the poke ball, wise-ass!"
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
she grumbled.
Aw, come on! I pleaded. I'm all for giving you guys some privacy, but I don't
wanna go back in my ball! Can't I go up top with Meowth? Please?
"I don't see why not," James replied. "As long as we have our privacy, it
doesn't matter either way to us."
"Yeah, but Meowth is probably going to teach him every sex in the sky joke in
the book," Jessie sighed.
Tom: Just so long as he ain't teachin' him every sex-in-th'-sky TECHNIQUE in th' book. D8
Jerry: Don't make the fic worse than it is!
James cupped Jessie's chin in his hand. "He's going to learn them eventually
anyway, Jess -- he's one of us now, you know," he told her. "Besides, I think we
owe him for making these past couple of days possible. Leaving him out of his
ball awhile longer is the least we can do."
"You're right," she conceded. Then, she turned to me and pointed up the ladder.
"Go ahead...but if I hear even ONE smart remark out of you about this, you're
going back in your ball and not coming out for a whole week!"
Okay, I won't say anything when I get back, I promised as I started climbing up
the ladder. Then, looking back at James for a moment, I'll let you shoot up the
Red Baron now, Flying Ace!
...
Feeling aroused yet, dear readers?
Jessie's face turned as red as her hair, and she clenched her teeth. "Ooohhh,
you little...."
James facefaulted. "Well, he did say when he got back...."
Jessie facefaulted, too. "He's definitely one of us," she groaned.
Guardian's Song: I'd like the snark much more if not for *waves at above mental image*
"Oh, don't let it bother you," James told Jessie as he took her in his arms
again. "We're going to hear every joke and smart remark he and Meowth can dish
out anyway...so let's just enjoy ourselves and give them something to joke
about!"
"Good point," she whispered as she leaned closer and caressed his back with the
tips of her fingers.
Guardian's Song: OMGOSH SHE'S TOUCHING HIS BACK!!1! HOW EROTIC!11!
Tom: That species must be th' mortal enemy'a th' Tommy Wiseau species. Rather than havin' their erogenous zone in their navels, they've got it in their ba-
Guardian's Song: MOVING ON!
As Jessie and James started kissing again and continued to undress each other, I
resumed my climb up the ladder and joined Meowth on top of the balloon. He was
reclining on one of the ears and soaking up the warm rays of the afternoon sun.
"So, I guess ya didn't hafta go back in yer ball?" he remarked when he saw me.
Nope, I replied as I stretched myself out in front of the other ear. They said I
could stay out for awhile since I was so helpful back there.
"Yeah, I'd say ya definitely earned it," he agreed. "Oh, and I heard dat Flyin'
Ace joke. Good one!"
Well, I did learn from the best! I told him.
Meowth grinned and high-fived me. "So true, my friend! So true!"
Below us, I could hear Jessie and James giggling and crying out each other's
names.
Tom: (Wobbuffet) When they get REALLY kinky, they cry out their OWN names!
Meowth sweatdropped. "Heh. Dey sure do get frisky when dey go for over a day
without makin' love, don't dey?
Jerry: ...
...
...
Author, if you have to LAMPSHADE how sex-obsessed your characters are outside of a PORN fic, perhaps you ought to tone it down a bit.
Damn horny teenagers...."
Aw, cut them some slack, Meowth, I said. They're young, they're in love, and
they're going to spend the rest of their lives together -- I think it's
beautiful that they have such a healthy sex-life!
Tom: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop droolin' over them, y' FURRY!
"I know. I think it is, too -- I crack on 'em a lot, but dey're good kids," he
replied.
Jerry: A possibly-in-character sentiment?! In THIS fic?! *shock, horror, chagrin*
"I actually kinda enjoy goin' off by myself and givin' 'em dere
privacy. Gives me a chance ta think about stuff and unwind...though I do get
lonely sometimes."
Tom: I don't wanna hear about y' gettin' LONELY. NOT with Wobbuffet up here, NOT with all th' subtext y've been havin' all fic! I ain't into that furry stuff! Consummate yer ~LOVE~ someplace else!
Are y' even in th' same EGG GROUP?!
*checks* ...No, y' ain't. So it's doubly disturbin'!
I know the feeling, I sighed. I've spent most of my life being lonely. I don't
feel lonely anymore, though. And you're not alone either, Meowth. Jessie and
James will always be there for you...and I'm here, too.
Tom: Y' know. Y' may think I'm hysterical.
But if these were two human characters'a th' opposite sex? Y' wouldn't be sayin' I was makin' this up. Y'd be waitin' fer them t' cuddle closer an' hold hands already. An' y' know it.
*shudders*
"A long time ago...back when I first learned ta talk, I felt like the loneliest
thing in the world," Meowth whispered. "I wasn't like other pokemon...but I
wasn't human either. Every night, I'd look up at the moon and ask myself if dere
was another me somewhere. I always used ta be so sad cuz for the longest time, I
didn't think dere was...but den I met Jessie and James. When dey accepted me for
who I am and called me dere friend, I finally realized dat I'd found others like
me! And even Arbok, Weezin', Lickitung, Victreebel, and you are like me in a
lotta ways. You all feel like kindred spirits...like my family. Dere's no place
in dis world I'd rather be."
Jerry: ...You know, even if it was wangsty? If the fics were written like THIS, I wouldn't complain. It sounds true to how they are. It sounds - actually like the Team Rocket trio.
It's the constant sycophancy, weakening of the "liked" characters, and bashing of the "disliked" characters that I can't stand. Jessie and James are sex-crazed unstable delicate-flowers, Ash is a derpfaced idiot, and everyone else sucks up to Team Rocket ASAP. If an author wrote the exact reverse (and I'm sure some AAMRN reads like that), it would still be awful! Forget RTDE/DILP! The writing is just BAD!
Same here, I agreed. On the day I met you, I could sense that you were outcasts
like me...and that you were all really close with each other. I was actually
pretty nervous at first because everybody was so upset about Lickitung being
gone -- I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted as part of the group...and when
Licki came back, I was worried Jess might send me back to Benny!
Tom: Shaddup about yer ex! DAMN! Y' sound like th' sorta person who leaves forty-six crazy voicemails on their ex's phone, an' gets forever scarred into internet memory!
(Wobbuffet) Benny, MY BLITZLES HATE YOU NOW. D:<
"I remember dat," Meowth remarked. "Boy, talk about groundless fears! Dat's
almost as bad as back in the old days, when Jess and Jim was afraid ta admit dat
dey was in love with each other!"
Jerry: *gloomily* You mean, "back when this vaguely resembled anything near canon".
You know, as close as they are now, I honestly can't picture them not being a
couple! I said.
"Yeah. It was so frustratin' for me ta see 'em wantin' each other and not doin'
anythin' about it cuz dey was afraid of bein' rejected."
I'll bet!
"But dey didn't need ta be afraid of bein' rejected, and neither do you," he
continued. "We never turn our backs on anybody we care about...and as unpopular
as we are, we make sure ta treat the people who actually do like us right!
Jerry: You mean "We only judge those who treat us well to be Good People, and the others, well, IT'S TOTALLY JUSTIFIED TO STEAL FROM THEM, HATERS TO THE LEFT LOLOLOLOL"?
Yer
one of us, Wobbu, and dat ain't ever gonna change!"
I'm thankful for that, I told him. I like finally having a place where I
belong...and being able to think about a better tomorrow. I want so much to be a
part of that.
"James calls it our white tomorrow...and you will be a part of it," Meowth
promised.
Jerry: (Wobbuffet) But I'm blue! D:
"We wouldn't have it any other way!"
Good! Because you're stuck with me! I laughed.
Meowth laughed, too. "Well, dere ain't nobody we'd rather be stuck with!"
Tom: (Meowth) Sooooo... y' lookin' fer a date, Wobby-boy?
Jerry: *whaps him upside the head*
@->->-
Meowth and I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting together on top of the
balloon and talking. And as we talked, I thought again about everything that had
happened to us over the past couple of days.
And now that I think about it, maybe that "good guys always win and bad guys
always lose" rule isn't so hard and fast, after all.
Jerry: Oh, good. SO STOP WHINING ABOUT IT.
When all was said and done,
the twerp was the one who got thrown out of town, and we were the ones who ended
up being celebrated!
Jerry: *starts frantically signalling for Dramamine*
I think James said it best when we faced off against those
hoodlums the other day -- some rules are made to be broken! And who better to
break stupid rules than us?
Tom: Ash, breakin' th' "EVERYBODY LUVS TR 4EVA" rule in these fics!
An' I don't even LIKE th' kid much...
But on the other hand...maybe we didn't break that "good guy/bad guy" rule! Ash
left town in disgrace because he was violent and rude...and we were celebrated
for being selfless and courageous. Maybe the tables turned because Ash was the
bad guy, and we were the good guys!
Jerry: *sighs* Oh, good. Maybe now you'll acknowledge that, when you commit crimes, you get slammed for it because you ARE the bad guys, and Ash gets rewarded because he IS the good guy, rather than whine whine moan moan Ash gets it all for no good re-
We may not be able to beat him in pokemon
battles, but we sure do have him beat when it comes to being decent human
beings!
Jerry: NEVER MIND.
I think everybody will get what they deserve in the end, and we just
have to have patience until then.
Tom: Yeah, EVENTUALLY Cori Falls stopped writin'!
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* And has Ash become a Pokemon Master YET?
Tom: Ah, shaddup about canon. I'm talkin' about th' readers, y' dope.
I know that with all of the work we're putting in now and all of the love we
have for each other, we're definitely going to have our white tomorrow...and I
can definitely wait for it!
I am the patient pokemon, after all.
Jerry: But - you made a point of - you said you're NOT the patient -
The End
Jerry: To heck with this, I'm leaving! *rushes out, putting "breath mints" and "DRAMAMINE" on her shopping list*
Tom: Wait fer me, dang it! Th' furry collective is after me! *rushes after her*
Guardian's Song: Meanwhile, I've promised myself a reward - off to Nuzlocke Pokemon Blue! :D
END SPORKING
FINAL COUNT:
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: 34
As luck would have it, the decorations from yesterday were still up, and there
were some fireworks left over, too...and since everybody was already in the town
square, arranging another party was a simple matter.
Jerry: (Villagers) We totally don't mind throwing away all our plans and obligations for the night to suck YOUR toes! :D
The only problem was that
there wasn't enough food left over from yesterday's festival, but Lulu quickly
remedied that by suggesting that they make the party into a potluck dinner. It
took a couple of hours for everybody to go home and make a dish to bring, but it
was well worth it...and getting to sample everybody's cooking gave a real "down
home" feeling to the party.
Jerry: Seriously?! They're making FOOD OFFERINGS to Team Rocket?!
Tom: Okay, I ain't kiddin' - in what fic do they construct th' temple?
Guardian's Song: They never do that.
Tom: Aw, c'mon, don't lie. I ain't gonna run away just so long as there's no furry stuff in th' 'dedication rites'. Just name th' fic.
Guardian's Song: Um... Tom, I'm serious.
Tom: They're conductin' a festival in their honor an' takin' hours out'a their nights t' cook th' Great God Rocket meals. Y' expect me t' BELIEVE that?
And now, as my friends and I stood at the buffet table, helping ourselves to
lettuce wraps, roasted chicken, pimento cheese sandwiches, strawberry rhubarb
pie, and various other things that the villagers had made,
Guardian's Song: No parody can outdo the actual fics.
I'm sorry, but these fics are such that even the most exaggerated parodies can only pass for the real thing.
I found myself
thinking again about this festival and everything it symbolized.
Jerry: *dry heaving* It represents the author's obsessive adoration fantasies for her favorite characters!
Tom: An' our queasy guts...
In a way, it
blows my mind to know that there's an entire village of people in this world
that honor and revere
Jerry: (Cori Falls) - my favorite characters! >:D BOW, PEONS! BOW!
pokemon like me. From the way Benny treated me, I never
would've imagined that I was a pokemon worth being respected...
Tom: Aw, stop yappin' about yer ex, y' twisted furry!
and I never
would've learned about this village or this festival if not for Jessie, James,
and Meowth.
Once everybody had finished eating, the mayor took the microphone again and
addressed us. "So, are you all having a good time?" she asked.
Her question was met with a round of applause.
"Then why don't we give a cheer to the folks who made this possible?" she
suggested. With that, she gestured to the four of us.
Jessie blushed, and James grinned sheepishly as everybody around us started
clapping and cheering once more.
Jerry: *runs to the bathroom to start heaving*
Tom: An' t' think, if she had just lived in a later era'a th' internet, she could have just summed this entire fic up with an OOH TR OOH macro.
"Speech! Speech!" Meowth cried, pushing the two of them towards the front of the
crowd.
James's face turned as red as Jessie's when everybody else stated chanting for
them to give a speech, too.
"I'll get you for this, Meowth!" Jessie said through clenched teeth.
"Aw, come on! It won't be so bad!" he told them.
Yeah! Can't be any worse than that big apology you gave earlier! I chimed in as
I helped the cat push them forward.
Tom: Y' ALREADY gave a speech! Shaddup!
When the mayor handed the microphone back to Jessie, she cleared her throat and
thought for a moment about what she was going to say. "Y-you know...when we were
watching the fireworks last night...and heard the festival music in the
distance...I felt like the scum of the earth.
Tom: Y' are!
I'd done my friends and my pokemon
a great disservice, and as I watched the festivities, it made me feel even worse
because my friends deserved to be celebrated,
Jerry: *retching noises from bathroom*
and they were missing out because
of me," she began. "And...knowing that I'd done something hurtful to you made me
feel bad, too. Nobody has ever treated us with so much kindness as the people of
this village -- we're usually hated and despised wherever we go.
Tom: Stop wearin' Rocket uniforms in front'a cops, morons!
I considered
you to be our friends as well...and I couldn't live with myself knowing what I'd
done to you.
Tom: We know! Shaddup!
"I came back here last night for no other reason than to apologize and explain
myself. I never expected anything like this," she continued. "So...I just wanted
to say thank you. Thank you for forgiving me and my friends. Thank you for
giving us a second chance. From the bottom of my heart...thank you."
Jerry: Stop talking!
As Jessie finished her speech, James kissed her on the forehead and took the
microphone. "I'd like to thank all of you, too," he said. "Not just for the
kindness, understanding, and hospitality you've shown us...but for reminding us
of what we're working for. You see, what we want is what you have -- a place
that we can call our home, a little house with cross-stitch pictures on the
walls and home-made afghans on the beds, a big yard for children and pokemon to
play in, maybe even a rose garden -- you get the idea.
Jerry: *sobbing and retching* Stop rubbing this glurge in!
Tom: An' YEP, they want it all. Ain't gonna settle fer an apartment while they work their way up, ain't gonna settle fer a cheap shack while they save their cash, ain't gonna settle fer a small yard - want t' own a nice home with a big yard an' a frickin' ROSE GARDEN.
Yeah, they're sure poor starvin' hardworkin' sorts, all right!
Sometimes it feels
hopeless, but being here and seeing what you have just reminds us that if we
keep working at it, someday we'll have what you have, too.
Jerry: (Cori!Team Rocket) Maybe we can get a nice, big, Martha-Stewart-esque prison cell, too! :D
Thank you for
renewing our hope...for showing us that our goal is in sight."
When James's speech drew to a close, Meowth took the microphone from him. "Just
remember dat sometimes ya gotta break the rules ta make dis world a better
place," he told them.
Jerry: SHUT UP! *retches*
Tom: Dang, I think yer on th' ghost'a Christmas Dinner Past by now.
"But no matter what happens, dere's two rules dat should
never be broken. Coincidentally, dey're also the only two rules for tonight's
festival. And dose two rules are, be excellent ta each other...."
....And PARTY ON, DUDES!!! I chimed in, finishing the sentence for him.
"Thank you, Bill and Ted!" James laughed.
Jerry: *HEADTOILET*
Suddenly, I'm not longer nauseated. Just... angry.
Tom: Yer tellin' me. I ain't been this talked-down-to since I was in a crib.
"Those pokemon have been watching way too much TV," Jessie groaned.
Once the applause our speeches were met with died down a little, the mayor took
back the microphone and addressed the villagers once again. "Well, who are we to
break rules?" she said. "Let's party!" She then gestured to the town's
pyrotechnician, who started the firework show.
As the crowd "Ooohhhed" and "Aaahhhed" at the fireworks, the four of us
approached the mayor once more.
"Enjoying the show?" she asked. "Andrew is a real expert -- he plans all the
firework displays himself...."
Tom: In a few hours with no notice, no less.
"Yeah! Dey're real gorgeous!" Meowth replied as a pink and purple fireburst with
a green halo exploded in the sky.
"We just wanted to thank you again, Mayor Houlihan," said James.
"Oh, you don't have to be so formal," she told us. "All my friends call me
Rachel."
"Okay. Then thanks...Rachel," Jessie said.
"Don't mention it."
I smiled at them and turned my attention back to the fireworks. Last night
they'd seemed so distant, a bitter reminder of our constant failure. But now
that I actually saw them up close...now that they were for me and my friends, I
finally noticed just how wonderful they were.
Tom: *snerk* Yeah, y' only care when it's a suckup fer y', don'tcha?
Like snowflakes, no two were
exactly alike -- each explosion was a different color and form.
Jerry: *comes out of bathroom, wiping mouth* Well, I - SHE'S PLAYING THE "SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE" LINE SERIOUSLY?! *runs back into bathroom*
There was one
that fanned out like golden palm fronds, one that exploded in the shape of a
silver star, a spinning Catherine wheel, a fireburst that was every color of the
rainbow -- each one was beautiful in its own special way.
One firework in particular caught my attention, however -- it exploded in the
shape of a giant red heart. Seeing it reminded me of the love we all have for
each other...and the bright future that Jessie and James's love was going to
make possible.
Tom: *laughing hysterically*
Jerry: *retching hysterically*
Not wanting them to miss out, I tapped their legs and pointed to the big heart
in the sky. Hey, guys! This one's for you!
"Alright, alright, we'll watch the fireworks with you," Jessie replied.
She and James were having a conversation with Lulu and Rachel, and they were
reluctant to end it, but when they saw the firework, they smiled.
Tom: How slowly is that firework FADIN'?
Jerry: At the speed of plot.
"Wow! That's really beautiful!" Jessie sighed.
"Think he wanted us to see it for a reason?" James queried.
I nodded.
"Awww! Is dat yer way of sayin' ya love us, Wobbu?" Meowth asked.
Yeah, it is, I told him. But I was also hoping it'd make Jess and Jim get all
lovey-dovey again.
Tom: WHAT?! Gah! Stop that stuff, y' disgustin' HUMAN-VOYEUR!
He's manufacturing his own furry porn! D:
Jerry: *from bathroom* Ohhhhhh gaaaaaaaaaawd. *retches*
"Heh! Great minds think alike!" Meowth laughed. Then, turning back to James,
"Hey! Wobbu sez he wants ya ta give Jessie a kiss!"
Tom: D8
James blushed.
Come on, lover-boy! Give her a big, juicy, wet one! You know you want to! I
said.
Tom: D:
Jessie blushed too when she heard me.
James smiled shyly and wrapped his arms around her. "Oh, what could it hurt,
Jess?" he asked. "These people already know we're in love!"
Jessie returned his smile and his embrace. "Yeah. Not everybody's as dense as
that twerp."
"Thank goodness for that!" he chuckled.
Jessie giggled and leaned closer to James. And as their lips met, they tightened
their hold on each other and melted with passion.
Several people clapped when they saw Jessie and James kissing,
Jerry: *decides to just unceremoniously pass out*
but the two of
them paid no mind. They were too engrossed in each other to care about anything
anymore. And as they kissed, the fireworks continued to explode behind them,
each one more dazzling than the last. It was almost as if the fireworks were for
them and them alone, celebrating their life...and their love.
Tom: ...An' y' know somethin'? With that line, I'm gonna have t' make sure my teammate ain't chokin' on vomit in her sleep.
I'M practically chokin' on vomit, and I AIN'T asleep! *runs to bathroom*
Guardian's Song: Yeah, screw this being "for the villagers". That, right there? THAT admitted it was for Team Rocket and Team Rocket a-
It seemed only fitting.
Guardian's Song: Screw the sporkers, I'M gagging!
@->->-
{...after some mild gagging and the restoration of the sporkers, the sporking resumes}
When the party finally ended several hours later, the four of us returned to
Lulu's house and spent another night in her guest-room. And after another hearty
breakfast the next morning, Jessie and James told her that we'd soon be leaving.
"I figured you weren't going to stay long," Lulu said, with more than a hint of
sadness in her voice.
"I wish we could stay awhile, but we have a long journey ahead of us...and a lot
of work to do," Jessie replied.
"But thank you for sharing your home with us," said James. "My friends and I
will never forget your hospitality."
Tom: (James) If you know what I mean. *wink*
Jerry: Do you mind? I just FINISHED retching.
"Well, you'll always have a home here -- my village won't soon forget what you
did for us either," Lulu told us. "I hope we meet again someday."
Meowth smiled. "I hope we do, too. Yer a real class-act, Lulu!"
Tom: (Meowth) ...Class-SUCKUP act, that is.
Yeah! It's not every day we meet a nice person like you! I chimed in.
Lulu returned our smiles and patted me on the head. "You take good care of your
friends, Wobbuffet," she whispered.
Don't worry -- I will! I promised, saluting her.
As Lulu followed us outside so that she could walk us to our balloon, however,
we saw a large group of villagers being led by Rachel. And they were coming our
way.
Tom: (Villagers) KILL THE SUES! KILL THE SUES!
Jerry: (Villagers) Give us back the REAL Team Rocket if you want to live!
"Wh-what's going on?" Jessie asked.
"We figured you were going to be leaving soon, so we came to see you off,"
Rachel explained. "We have some stuff for you."
James raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
Tom: (Villagers) Three balloon animals, a package of extra-large condoms, a hobby-horse, and a real life Wailord. Don't even ask, just take them.
Rachel nodded and handed something to Jessie. "I had this plaque made for you."
Jessie smiled and showed the plaque to us. It was made of smooth, polished
cherry wood, and the gold plate had our likenesses engraved on it, along with
the words, In honor of Jessie, James, Meowth, and Wobbuffet of Team Rocket --
the heroes who broke the law to save the day.
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: *bursts out laughing* CALLED IT!
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: Told y' so, didn't I? But y' kept denyin' it...
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
"Sweet!" Meowth exclaimed.
"It's exquisite!" James remarked. "Thank you so much, Rachel!"
"I also put one just like it at the base of our Wobbuffet statue in the town
square," she said. "That way, we can always remember you and what you've done
for us."
Guardian's Song: WHAT?!
Tom: An' I want y' t' always remember THIS when y' think I'm exaggeratin' somethin'.
Guardian's Song: They LITERALLY DEDICATED THEIR WOBBUFFET STATUE TO TEAM ROCKET?!
Tom: *smirks* An' I bet they'll kiss it three times a day.
Guardian's Song:
Tom: Tooooold yooooooou.
Guardian's Song: This is worse than ANY FREAKING PARODY could have GUESSED!!
Tom: *laughs maliciously* Welcome t' Coriland, spork captain! Enjoy yer stay an' DON'T mind th' furries...
Jessie blushed. "Why...thank you so much! This is a real honor!"
"We have something else for you, too," she added.
When she said this, several villagers stepped forward and handed a large package
to each of us.
"What's all dis?" Meowth asked.
"Food," the mayor replied. "I know it's not much, but...."
"It's more than we ever could've asked for," Jessie said, cutting her off.
"Yeah!" said James. "Who are we to scoff at free food?"
Rachel shook her head. "It's not free -- you've earned every bit of it...and
more."
Jerry: *turns an involuntary retch into a cough*
Tom: Y' okay?
Jerry: Yeah... yeah... sure I am...
"Well, free or not, you can bet we'll enjoy it!" Meowth told her.
Rachel smiled as Jessie and James started packing our stuff into the balloon.
"I'm just glad we could do something to help."
Once all of our stuff was packed and we'd piled into the basket, James fired up
the balloon.
"Come back and visit us real soon!" Lulu called to us. "But until then,
farewell, wherever you fare!"
"We'll try!" Meowth called back to her.
Jessie and James waved to the crowd. "Good-bye!"
Bye! I said as I waved, too.
Everybody waved back at us, their farewells and good wishes echoing in our ears
long after the village disappeared over the horizon.
And so, we continued on our journey with a fresh supply of food, an honorary
plaque...and more importantly, the memories of an amazing adventure and a
village full of friends at our backs.
Jerry: *breaks down in moans*
This fic... is so... awful...
Tom: ...Y' know, I may feel sorry fer y', but y' really should've let me leave when I freaked out over th' furries.
Jerry: ...Fine, then, I'll offer a formal apology for that... later... when my stomach's settled...
@->->-
"Well, Jessie, it looks like we ended up with food, friends, and a festival,
after all!" James remarked later that afternoon.
"Yeah! Not bad for a bunch of criminals! Not bad at all!" Jessie laughed.
When she said this, I found myself reflecting on something Lulu had told Ash
yesterday -- sometimes there's a difference between what's legal and what's
right. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that she was right!
My friends may not always obey the law, and sometimes circumstance forces them
to do bad things,
Jerry: (WRH!Jessie) That twelve-year-old MADE us beat him to a pulp!
but when they have a choice, they always choose to do good.
Tom: -______________________________________________________-
And they're never afraid to put themselves at risk when it serves the greater
good...no matter what the cost.
Aberforth Dumbledore: "Greater good" meaning "whatever serves our purposes today!"
Albus Dumbledore: *sniff* I beg your pardon.
Aberforth Dumbledore: Too bad, because I'm not giving it.
They may be criminals, but they're not bad. I
just wish more people were able to understand that.
Oh, well. I guess it's not completely hopeless -- Lulu, Rachel, and the rest of
those villagers saw the goodness in our hearts, after all, I said to myself.
Jerry: *contemplating pill catalogs* Is it possible to OD on Dramamine?
Tom: I dunno. If y' find out, tell ME.
Maybe someday more people will wake up and realize that we don't live in a world
where good and evil are defined by laws and boundaries, but by the desire to do
what's right.
Guardian's Song: For fuck's sakes, REALLY?!
Right. So if ANYONE does ANYTHING wrong but they ~had good intentions~, THAT LETS THEM OFF COMPLETELY?!
Holy ****! I'm not even going to ADDRESS that one! I'm not even going to dignify it with a response! Holy ****!
The only thing I'll say about that is that she's not counting ASH'S good intentions or JENNY'S good intentions, and let the READERS rant about ALL THE MYRIAD THINGS WRONG WITH THAT ONE SENTENCE!
One can only hope....
Suddenly, my train of thought was derailed by a jab in the ribs from Meowth.
Ouch! What was that for?! I demanded.
"Check it out, Wobbu!" he snickered. "It would appear dat our friends is
renewin' dere membership in the Mile High Club...yet again!"
Tom: Stop watchin' furry porn, y' two perverts! Yer POKEMON! Not HUMANS!
I looked and saw that Jessie and James were kissing. They'd taken off their
shirts, and James was unhooking Jessie's bra while she unzipped his pants.
Yep. Looks like Team Rocket's gettin' it on again! I agreed.
Jerry: ...
*starts weakly banging her head against the desk*
I quit. I quit. I quit. The fic is lampshading itself. There's no purpose for me as a sporker. This is cruel and unusual punishment. I want a lawyer.
Guardian's Song: No lawyers in Sporkerland, sorry! :D
Jerry: Let me guess, the charge of "false imprisonment" doesn't count either.
Guardian's Song: Nope!
Jerry: *whimpers*
Jessie and James stopped what they were doing when they heard us.
James sweatdropped, and I saw him mouth the word, "shit."
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||
Then, turning back to
Jessie, "Uh...we're not going to do this with the pokemon watching, are we,
Jess?!"
"Of course not!" she replied. "Wobbuffet can always go back into his poke ball!"
Ariana: D: That poor Wobbuffet! Getting poked through no fault of his own! With a BALL, no less!
A mischievous grin spread across James's lips as he looked over his shoulder at
us once again. "And we can always jettison Meowth!" he said.
Tom: YIFF IN HELL, FURCAT!
"Oh, no ya don't!" Meowth snapped.
"Just kidding!" Jessie and James said in unison.
"I guess I'll just go up top and catch some rays for awhile," he sighed.
The two of them grinned as Meowth let down the rope ladder and climbed up to the
top of the balloon.
Once he was gone, Jessie brought out my poke ball. "And now, it's your turn...."
Wait! I said before she could activate the ball.
Jessie closed her eyes and exhaled in a loud huff. "I'm not leaving you out --
when it comes to the dirty jokes and smart remarks, you're just as bad as
Meowth!"
I shrugged. What can I say? I'm a carbon copy of him added just for that elusive echo-chamber effect! I learned from the best!
"Back in the poke ball, wise-ass!"
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| |||| ||||
she grumbled.
Aw, come on! I pleaded. I'm all for giving you guys some privacy, but I don't
wanna go back in my ball! Can't I go up top with Meowth? Please?
"I don't see why not," James replied. "As long as we have our privacy, it
doesn't matter either way to us."
"Yeah, but Meowth is probably going to teach him every sex in the sky joke in
the book," Jessie sighed.
Tom: Just so long as he ain't teachin' him every sex-in-th'-sky TECHNIQUE in th' book. D8
Jerry: Don't make the fic worse than it is!
James cupped Jessie's chin in his hand. "He's going to learn them eventually
anyway, Jess -- he's one of us now, you know," he told her. "Besides, I think we
owe him for making these past couple of days possible. Leaving him out of his
ball awhile longer is the least we can do."
"You're right," she conceded. Then, she turned to me and pointed up the ladder.
"Go ahead...but if I hear even ONE smart remark out of you about this, you're
going back in your ball and not coming out for a whole week!"
Okay, I won't say anything when I get back, I promised as I started climbing up
the ladder. Then, looking back at James for a moment, I'll let you shoot up the
Red Baron now, Flying Ace!
...
Feeling aroused yet, dear readers?
Jessie's face turned as red as her hair, and she clenched her teeth. "Ooohhh,
you little...."
James facefaulted. "Well, he did say when he got back...."
Jessie facefaulted, too. "He's definitely one of us," she groaned.
Guardian's Song: I'd like the snark much more if not for *waves at above mental image*
"Oh, don't let it bother you," James told Jessie as he took her in his arms
again. "We're going to hear every joke and smart remark he and Meowth can dish
out anyway...so let's just enjoy ourselves and give them something to joke
about!"
"Good point," she whispered as she leaned closer and caressed his back with the
tips of her fingers.
Guardian's Song: OMGOSH SHE'S TOUCHING HIS BACK!!1! HOW EROTIC!11!
Tom: That species must be th' mortal enemy'a th' Tommy Wiseau species. Rather than havin' their erogenous zone in their navels, they've got it in their ba-
Guardian's Song: MOVING ON!
As Jessie and James started kissing again and continued to undress each other, I
resumed my climb up the ladder and joined Meowth on top of the balloon. He was
reclining on one of the ears and soaking up the warm rays of the afternoon sun.
"So, I guess ya didn't hafta go back in yer ball?" he remarked when he saw me.
Nope, I replied as I stretched myself out in front of the other ear. They said I
could stay out for awhile since I was so helpful back there.
"Yeah, I'd say ya definitely earned it," he agreed. "Oh, and I heard dat Flyin'
Ace joke. Good one!"
Well, I did learn from the best! I told him.
Meowth grinned and high-fived me. "So true, my friend! So true!"
Below us, I could hear Jessie and James giggling and crying out each other's
names.
Tom: (Wobbuffet) When they get REALLY kinky, they cry out their OWN names!
Meowth sweatdropped. "Heh. Dey sure do get frisky when dey go for over a day
without makin' love, don't dey?
Jerry: ...
...
...
Author, if you have to LAMPSHADE how sex-obsessed your characters are outside of a PORN fic, perhaps you ought to tone it down a bit.
Damn horny teenagers...."
Aw, cut them some slack, Meowth, I said. They're young, they're in love, and
they're going to spend the rest of their lives together -- I think it's
beautiful that they have such a healthy sex-life!
Tom: Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Stop droolin' over them, y' FURRY!
"I know. I think it is, too -- I crack on 'em a lot, but dey're good kids," he
replied.
Jerry: A possibly-in-character sentiment?! In THIS fic?! *shock, horror, chagrin*
"I actually kinda enjoy goin' off by myself and givin' 'em dere
privacy. Gives me a chance ta think about stuff and unwind...though I do get
lonely sometimes."
Tom: I don't wanna hear about y' gettin' LONELY. NOT with Wobbuffet up here, NOT with all th' subtext y've been havin' all fic! I ain't into that furry stuff! Consummate yer ~LOVE~ someplace else!
Are y' even in th' same EGG GROUP?!
*checks* ...No, y' ain't. So it's doubly disturbin'!
I know the feeling, I sighed. I've spent most of my life being lonely. I don't
feel lonely anymore, though. And you're not alone either, Meowth. Jessie and
James will always be there for you...and I'm here, too.
Tom: Y' know. Y' may think I'm hysterical.
But if these were two human characters'a th' opposite sex? Y' wouldn't be sayin' I was makin' this up. Y'd be waitin' fer them t' cuddle closer an' hold hands already. An' y' know it.
*shudders*
"A long time ago...back when I first learned ta talk, I felt like the loneliest
thing in the world," Meowth whispered. "I wasn't like other pokemon...but I
wasn't human either. Every night, I'd look up at the moon and ask myself if dere
was another me somewhere. I always used ta be so sad cuz for the longest time, I
didn't think dere was...but den I met Jessie and James. When dey accepted me for
who I am and called me dere friend, I finally realized dat I'd found others like
me! And even Arbok, Weezin', Lickitung, Victreebel, and you are like me in a
lotta ways. You all feel like kindred spirits...like my family. Dere's no place
in dis world I'd rather be."
Jerry: ...You know, even if it was wangsty? If the fics were written like THIS, I wouldn't complain. It sounds true to how they are. It sounds - actually like the Team Rocket trio.
It's the constant sycophancy, weakening of the "liked" characters, and bashing of the "disliked" characters that I can't stand. Jessie and James are sex-crazed unstable delicate-flowers, Ash is a derpfaced idiot, and everyone else sucks up to Team Rocket ASAP. If an author wrote the exact reverse (and I'm sure some AAMRN reads like that), it would still be awful! Forget RTDE/DILP! The writing is just BAD!
Same here, I agreed. On the day I met you, I could sense that you were outcasts
like me...and that you were all really close with each other. I was actually
pretty nervous at first because everybody was so upset about Lickitung being
gone -- I was afraid I wouldn't be accepted as part of the group...and when
Licki came back, I was worried Jess might send me back to Benny!
Tom: Shaddup about yer ex! DAMN! Y' sound like th' sorta person who leaves forty-six crazy voicemails on their ex's phone, an' gets forever scarred into internet memory!
(Wobbuffet) Benny, MY BLITZLES HATE YOU NOW. D:<
"I remember dat," Meowth remarked. "Boy, talk about groundless fears! Dat's
almost as bad as back in the old days, when Jess and Jim was afraid ta admit dat
dey was in love with each other!"
Jerry: *gloomily* You mean, "back when this vaguely resembled anything near canon".
You know, as close as they are now, I honestly can't picture them not being a
couple! I said.
"Yeah. It was so frustratin' for me ta see 'em wantin' each other and not doin'
anythin' about it cuz dey was afraid of bein' rejected."
I'll bet!
"But dey didn't need ta be afraid of bein' rejected, and neither do you," he
continued. "We never turn our backs on anybody we care about...and as unpopular
as we are, we make sure ta treat the people who actually do like us right!
Jerry: You mean "We only judge those who treat us well to be Good People, and the others, well, IT'S TOTALLY JUSTIFIED TO STEAL FROM THEM, HATERS TO THE LEFT LOLOLOLOL"?
Yer
one of us, Wobbu, and dat ain't ever gonna change!"
I'm thankful for that, I told him. I like finally having a place where I
belong...and being able to think about a better tomorrow. I want so much to be a
part of that.
"James calls it our white tomorrow...and you will be a part of it," Meowth
promised.
Jerry: (Wobbuffet) But I'm blue! D:
"We wouldn't have it any other way!"
Good! Because you're stuck with me! I laughed.
Meowth laughed, too. "Well, dere ain't nobody we'd rather be stuck with!"
Tom: (Meowth) Sooooo... y' lookin' fer a date, Wobby-boy?
Jerry: *whaps him upside the head*
@->->-
Meowth and I spent the rest of the afternoon sitting together on top of the
balloon and talking. And as we talked, I thought again about everything that had
happened to us over the past couple of days.
And now that I think about it, maybe that "good guys always win and bad guys
always lose" rule isn't so hard and fast, after all.
Jerry: Oh, good. SO STOP WHINING ABOUT IT.
When all was said and done,
the twerp was the one who got thrown out of town, and we were the ones who ended
up being celebrated!
Jerry: *starts frantically signalling for Dramamine*
I think James said it best when we faced off against those
hoodlums the other day -- some rules are made to be broken! And who better to
break stupid rules than us?
Tom: Ash, breakin' th' "EVERYBODY LUVS TR 4EVA" rule in these fics!
An' I don't even LIKE th' kid much...
But on the other hand...maybe we didn't break that "good guy/bad guy" rule! Ash
left town in disgrace because he was violent and rude...and we were celebrated
for being selfless and courageous. Maybe the tables turned because Ash was the
bad guy, and we were the good guys!
Jerry: *sighs* Oh, good. Maybe now you'll acknowledge that, when you commit crimes, you get slammed for it because you ARE the bad guys, and Ash gets rewarded because he IS the good guy, rather than whine whine moan moan Ash gets it all for no good re-
We may not be able to beat him in pokemon
battles, but we sure do have him beat when it comes to being decent human
beings!
Jerry: NEVER MIND.
I think everybody will get what they deserve in the end, and we just
have to have patience until then.
Tom: Yeah, EVENTUALLY Cori Falls stopped writin'!
Guardian's Song: *gloomily* And has Ash become a Pokemon Master YET?
Tom: Ah, shaddup about canon. I'm talkin' about th' readers, y' dope.
I know that with all of the work we're putting in now and all of the love we
have for each other, we're definitely going to have our white tomorrow...and I
can definitely wait for it!
I am the patient pokemon, after all.
Jerry: But - you made a point of - you said you're NOT the patient -
The End
Jerry: To heck with this, I'm leaving! *rushes out, putting "breath mints" and "DRAMAMINE" on her shopping list*
Tom: Wait fer me, dang it! Th' furry collective is after me! *rushes after her*
Guardian's Song: Meanwhile, I've promised myself a reward - off to Nuzlocke Pokemon Blue! :D
END SPORKING
FINAL COUNT:
SHITLOAD OF CURSING: 34