Update on my last entry...
... *projectiles* ---BLEEEEGGGGHHHH!!!
I suck.
My Sister probably hates me so much right now for totally ruining her life for the rest of this week until Mom and Dad get back. Fuck.
Man, seriously, ...my nuclear family is heaven sent, but everyone else? LAME.
LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME.
LAME.
LAME!!!
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!
Oh my GOD they're so lame!!!
No amount of exclamation points can express my deep, furious, anger at these people known as "extended relatives."
So this is what happened after I called my Uncle's. My Cos is the one who picked up the phone, and she said she'd talk to my Uncle, whereafter I'd get an answer the following day (Friday.. I think). No call. I begin to suspect that the call I was supposed to receive was redirected instead to another family member. Saturday comes and I get a call from my Dad, but I didn't answer and left him to leave a message saying "I need to talk to you" in a concerned voice. *sigh* So immediately I just -know- they learned about this.. but I wonder how.
So I call back two hours later and ask what's up, and they ask what's up, and I eventually learned that they learned I asked my Uncle for money (really it was a LOAN but I'm sure that got lost in translation somewhere, not that it matters, because obviously the more important fact is that I asked in the first place) from a phone call from my Worried Grandmother who got a phone call from my Concerned Uncle.
UGGGGHH. Why, why, why did he call HER? She is the LAST person to EVER CALL regarding asking anyone anything. She's borderline, damnit!
(more borderline info)
*sigh* Don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother. She is just a very difficult person to deal with for my immediate (nuclear) family, and I really do believe she is borderline, possibly schizoaffective. ARRGH. Since my sister is the only one at home at the moment, she is the one who has to deal with my Grandmother's incessant questioning, misguided remarks, insults, delusions, and all the other insanity my Grandmother comes up with.
Oh my GOD my Sis must hate me so much right now. Well, not hate, but fuck we all know... Oh what the fuck, this isn't my fault. I was asking for help. And that's why I'm so upset at my Uncle and Cos right now, and everyone else related to me-- I'm angry at their total lack of involvement or care about me, my mother, my father, and my sister. Where are these people? They have never been involved in my life. Basically, there is no one else for me to turn to for help except my parents, and only my parents. And that's just not right.
I mean, there's my Sis. But she has her own life to get started; she can't take care of me. My parents are both hitting 60 this year. They're going into retirement, and I don't want to take money away from that. I want to put money into their retirement. I want to see them happy, carefree, sure in my ability to take care of myself and anyone else should the need arise. I mean, I've always had it in my mind to be prepared to handle life on my own should something bad happen, but especially after my boss died at the age of 65... My dad's 60, 65 is only 5 years from now... it made me think so much more on how much time I have left with my parents. The passing of my Grandfather made me think about that even more, especially whenever I thought about how he died in my Dad's arms.
*shiver* I'll talk more about that last paragraph in a more detailed entry, because those main ideas were definitely on my mind a lot for the better part of this year. *sigh*
The second thing I'm upset about is how my Uncle (or perhaps it was my Cos who called, but whatever) called my Grandmother instead of Me. One, how stupid is that? I cannot reiterate enough the stupidity of telling my Grandmother anything negative. But, of course, my Uncle has only seen his mother twice, three times in the past 16 or so years (probably more years than that, but I can only truly write from my own experience) and has made it a point to stay away from her, leaving her hysterics to my poor Father. I mean, you'd think after being raised by her, let ALONE seeing how she was acting during the crisis with my Grandfather that he'd understand what a horrible mistake it is to ask my Grandmother why I'm asking him for money. They HAD MY PHONE NUMBER. Obviously, if I am adult enough to be living on my own in freaking Los Angeles, and adult enough to ask for a loan from a relative, I must be adult enough to give you a God Damn Reason why I'm asking in the first place. The ONLY viable reason that they should have called my Grandmother was because they lost my phone number. But I think I know how this whole shit went sour: Basically, my Cos simplifies things by telling my Uncle I need money. Naturally that sounds like I'm asking for money outright, instead of asking for a loan. Uncle asks Cos, "why does she need the money?" Cos probably says she forgot or didn't understand what I was saying, so, Uncle calls Grandma, who freaks out, who then calls my vacationing Parents, who in turn are concerned (and probably embarrassed) that I didn't feel comfortable going to them first.
Thanks, Cos. FUCK. I made it a point of saying, "Hi. I'm not gonna be able to make rent this month and I need some help. If you can help me out with a loan for this month, that'd be great; if not, no worries, I just thought I'd try asking someone else instead of my parents, since they're trying to enjoy their first vacation in over ELEVEN YEARS. Thank You." I even emphasized the fact that I did NOT want to ask my parents for the very fact that they were on vacation, because, for once, I wanted them to enjoy themselves without having to worry about anyone else for those two weeks.
Now the dilemma is this: should I call the Uncle and Cos back and bitch at them for totally ruining things and getting shit out of hand? On one hand, I don't want to burn already fragile bridges; it's been a hope of mine to get to know all of these mysterious figures of my extended family and develop good relations with them. On the other, maybe this is just further proof at how flakey everyone related to me not in my nuclear family is, and so maybe I should totally bitch at them for not asking me directly why I asked them for help. I even emphasized that I DIDN'T EXPECT HELP, shit. How much easier can I make it for someone to politely decline?
The other option is sending my Uncle a birthday card this month with a letter politely telling him to shove himself up his own ass that I really did not appreciate him calling other people and creating a huge ruckus over something that shouldn't have been a big deal when the best option was to talk to me directly about my problem.
AUUUUGH!!! I CAN'T STAND STUPIDITY!!!
All in all, I feel like I should call my parents again to apologize, my Grandmother to reassure her (need to look up some key words in the Spanish dictionary to get things straight and clear to her), my sister to WHOLEHEARTEDLY apologize for causing any Grandma-related drama, and my Uncle and Cos to bitch them out for all this mess.
Now.. I can understand WHY my Uncle would be concerned to call my Grandma and ask why I called him instead of my parents for cash... Naturally anyone should be. But it pisses me off that he didn't even think about calling me (exception being he lost my number) to ask instead of asking someone who never has a clue.
And I mean NEVER.
I'm totally bitching him out. It's gonna take guts.. I can totally see him going wacko on me over the phone (this dude has suffered sever symptoms of malaria from his years in Vietnam) but I think it's the right thing to do. I seriously think this family needs a new change of order and a clearer idea of who's coming up to be in charge and doing something meaningful with their lives.. *grr*
*sigh*
Really I hope this all just blows over in a week. It's still annoying though.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------:
Other crap I wanted to touch on:
So I mentioned that I was taking these fun 4-wk courses at Barnes & Noble University (dot com!), and I just wanted to briefly explain why I chose them.
Here they are again, to save you the hassle:
Astrology: I know lots of people think this is bullshit, but I'm not completely convinced that there's nothing behind all the rising signs, sextants, oppositions, Mercury retrogrades and eclipses and so much more.. I'm not talking about the five lines of text you read in the funnies section of the Los Angeles Times, I'm talking getting your birth chart drawn up and shit. Go to astrologyzone.com and follow it for a few months.. I've been reading it for the past year and I'd say at least 60% of the time, (..."it works 100% of the time!") there was something relevant. I know, it's bullshit. But whatever, it humors me. I have a love of the occult (and am really sad about New Orleans, but more on that later) so you'll see me getting into Tarot cards if there's a class on that sometime as well.
Money Management: I've been meaning to invest cash earned since Freshman year.. if things had gone according to plan, I would have had $15,000 in just savings alone. But, alas, no. Hopefully that will change after this month (once I get a job). I already know how to invest for the most part (even before I came here to be a finance major) but it doesn't hurt to see what life events I might be overlooking, from a woman's point of view (marriage, divorce, becoming a widow, deaths in the family) to prep for. Grizzly stuff to think about, but that's life. I'll also be asking a good friend of mine to help me out with my investment plan, but more on that when it actually happens.
Wine Basics: What can I say? I like wine and would like to drink better shit than Franzia boxed wine and Two Buck Chuck. Anything to add to my business schmoozing skills. But I do seriously want to have a decent knowledge of wine like any civilized schmuck should. Because Jesus said so, bitch.
Feng Shui: I pretty much know everything I need to, but it doesn't hurt to brush up. I seriously think this shit works. I'd have to test it out myself against my own sharp criticism first (ala astrology and talk therapy) but so far I think there's something to it.
And that's pretty much it. I'll probably have another entry today where I organize myself and make a huge to-do list. Rock.
Much Love My Hunnybunnys,
<3 Maria
Yeah, the following is about right.
Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||| 26% Schizoid |||||||||||||| 58% Schizotypal |||||||||| 38% Antisocial |||||||||||||| 54% Borderline |||| 18% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 54% Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant |||| 14% Dependent |||||| 22% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 22% Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with GREAT VENGEANCE and FUUUURIOUS ANGER those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will KNOW my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!
I suck.
My Sister probably hates me so much right now for totally ruining her life for the rest of this week until Mom and Dad get back. Fuck.
Man, seriously, ...my nuclear family is heaven sent, but everyone else? LAME.
LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME.
LAME.
LAME!!!
LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!!!!!
Oh my GOD they're so lame!!!
No amount of exclamation points can express my deep, furious, anger at these people known as "extended relatives."
So this is what happened after I called my Uncle's. My Cos is the one who picked up the phone, and she said she'd talk to my Uncle, whereafter I'd get an answer the following day (Friday.. I think). No call. I begin to suspect that the call I was supposed to receive was redirected instead to another family member. Saturday comes and I get a call from my Dad, but I didn't answer and left him to leave a message saying "I need to talk to you" in a concerned voice. *sigh* So immediately I just -know- they learned about this.. but I wonder how.
So I call back two hours later and ask what's up, and they ask what's up, and I eventually learned that they learned I asked my Uncle for money (really it was a LOAN but I'm sure that got lost in translation somewhere, not that it matters, because obviously the more important fact is that I asked in the first place) from a phone call from my Worried Grandmother who got a phone call from my Concerned Uncle.
UGGGGHH. Why, why, why did he call HER? She is the LAST person to EVER CALL regarding asking anyone anything. She's borderline, damnit!
(more borderline info)
*sigh* Don't get me wrong, I love my grandmother. She is just a very difficult person to deal with for my immediate (nuclear) family, and I really do believe she is borderline, possibly schizoaffective. ARRGH. Since my sister is the only one at home at the moment, she is the one who has to deal with my Grandmother's incessant questioning, misguided remarks, insults, delusions, and all the other insanity my Grandmother comes up with.
Oh my GOD my Sis must hate me so much right now. Well, not hate, but fuck we all know... Oh what the fuck, this isn't my fault. I was asking for help. And that's why I'm so upset at my Uncle and Cos right now, and everyone else related to me-- I'm angry at their total lack of involvement or care about me, my mother, my father, and my sister. Where are these people? They have never been involved in my life. Basically, there is no one else for me to turn to for help except my parents, and only my parents. And that's just not right.
I mean, there's my Sis. But she has her own life to get started; she can't take care of me. My parents are both hitting 60 this year. They're going into retirement, and I don't want to take money away from that. I want to put money into their retirement. I want to see them happy, carefree, sure in my ability to take care of myself and anyone else should the need arise. I mean, I've always had it in my mind to be prepared to handle life on my own should something bad happen, but especially after my boss died at the age of 65... My dad's 60, 65 is only 5 years from now... it made me think so much more on how much time I have left with my parents. The passing of my Grandfather made me think about that even more, especially whenever I thought about how he died in my Dad's arms.
*shiver* I'll talk more about that last paragraph in a more detailed entry, because those main ideas were definitely on my mind a lot for the better part of this year. *sigh*
The second thing I'm upset about is how my Uncle (or perhaps it was my Cos who called, but whatever) called my Grandmother instead of Me. One, how stupid is that? I cannot reiterate enough the stupidity of telling my Grandmother anything negative. But, of course, my Uncle has only seen his mother twice, three times in the past 16 or so years (probably more years than that, but I can only truly write from my own experience) and has made it a point to stay away from her, leaving her hysterics to my poor Father. I mean, you'd think after being raised by her, let ALONE seeing how she was acting during the crisis with my Grandfather that he'd understand what a horrible mistake it is to ask my Grandmother why I'm asking him for money. They HAD MY PHONE NUMBER. Obviously, if I am adult enough to be living on my own in freaking Los Angeles, and adult enough to ask for a loan from a relative, I must be adult enough to give you a God Damn Reason why I'm asking in the first place. The ONLY viable reason that they should have called my Grandmother was because they lost my phone number. But I think I know how this whole shit went sour: Basically, my Cos simplifies things by telling my Uncle I need money. Naturally that sounds like I'm asking for money outright, instead of asking for a loan. Uncle asks Cos, "why does she need the money?" Cos probably says she forgot or didn't understand what I was saying, so, Uncle calls Grandma, who freaks out, who then calls my vacationing Parents, who in turn are concerned (and probably embarrassed) that I didn't feel comfortable going to them first.
Thanks, Cos. FUCK. I made it a point of saying, "Hi. I'm not gonna be able to make rent this month and I need some help. If you can help me out with a loan for this month, that'd be great; if not, no worries, I just thought I'd try asking someone else instead of my parents, since they're trying to enjoy their first vacation in over ELEVEN YEARS. Thank You." I even emphasized the fact that I did NOT want to ask my parents for the very fact that they were on vacation, because, for once, I wanted them to enjoy themselves without having to worry about anyone else for those two weeks.
Now the dilemma is this: should I call the Uncle and Cos back and bitch at them for totally ruining things and getting shit out of hand? On one hand, I don't want to burn already fragile bridges; it's been a hope of mine to get to know all of these mysterious figures of my extended family and develop good relations with them. On the other, maybe this is just further proof at how flakey everyone related to me not in my nuclear family is, and so maybe I should totally bitch at them for not asking me directly why I asked them for help. I even emphasized that I DIDN'T EXPECT HELP, shit. How much easier can I make it for someone to politely decline?
The other option is sending my Uncle a birthday card this month with a letter politely telling him to shove himself up his own ass that I really did not appreciate him calling other people and creating a huge ruckus over something that shouldn't have been a big deal when the best option was to talk to me directly about my problem.
AUUUUGH!!! I CAN'T STAND STUPIDITY!!!
All in all, I feel like I should call my parents again to apologize, my Grandmother to reassure her (need to look up some key words in the Spanish dictionary to get things straight and clear to her), my sister to WHOLEHEARTEDLY apologize for causing any Grandma-related drama, and my Uncle and Cos to bitch them out for all this mess.
Now.. I can understand WHY my Uncle would be concerned to call my Grandma and ask why I called him instead of my parents for cash... Naturally anyone should be. But it pisses me off that he didn't even think about calling me (exception being he lost my number) to ask instead of asking someone who never has a clue.
And I mean NEVER.
I'm totally bitching him out. It's gonna take guts.. I can totally see him going wacko on me over the phone (this dude has suffered sever symptoms of malaria from his years in Vietnam) but I think it's the right thing to do. I seriously think this family needs a new change of order and a clearer idea of who's coming up to be in charge and doing something meaningful with their lives.. *grr*
*sigh*
Really I hope this all just blows over in a week. It's still annoying though.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------:
Other crap I wanted to touch on:
So I mentioned that I was taking these fun 4-wk courses at Barnes & Noble University (dot com!), and I just wanted to briefly explain why I chose them.
Here they are again, to save you the hassle:
- Astrology: Planets and Possibilities
- Money Management for Women
- Learn Wine Basics with Morrell & Company
- Feng Shui for Your Life
Astrology: I know lots of people think this is bullshit, but I'm not completely convinced that there's nothing behind all the rising signs, sextants, oppositions, Mercury retrogrades and eclipses and so much more.. I'm not talking about the five lines of text you read in the funnies section of the Los Angeles Times, I'm talking getting your birth chart drawn up and shit. Go to astrologyzone.com and follow it for a few months.. I've been reading it for the past year and I'd say at least 60% of the time, (..."it works 100% of the time!") there was something relevant. I know, it's bullshit. But whatever, it humors me. I have a love of the occult (and am really sad about New Orleans, but more on that later) so you'll see me getting into Tarot cards if there's a class on that sometime as well.
Money Management: I've been meaning to invest cash earned since Freshman year.. if things had gone according to plan, I would have had $15,000 in just savings alone. But, alas, no. Hopefully that will change after this month (once I get a job). I already know how to invest for the most part (even before I came here to be a finance major) but it doesn't hurt to see what life events I might be overlooking, from a woman's point of view (marriage, divorce, becoming a widow, deaths in the family) to prep for. Grizzly stuff to think about, but that's life. I'll also be asking a good friend of mine to help me out with my investment plan, but more on that when it actually happens.
Wine Basics: What can I say? I like wine and would like to drink better shit than Franzia boxed wine and Two Buck Chuck. Anything to add to my business schmoozing skills. But I do seriously want to have a decent knowledge of wine like any civilized schmuck should. Because Jesus said so, bitch.
Feng Shui: I pretty much know everything I need to, but it doesn't hurt to brush up. I seriously think this shit works. I'd have to test it out myself against my own sharp criticism first (ala astrology and talk therapy) but so far I think there's something to it.
And that's pretty much it. I'll probably have another entry today where I organize myself and make a huge to-do list. Rock.
Much Love My Hunnybunnys,
<3 Maria
Yeah, the following is about right.
Personality Disorder Test Results Paranoid |||||| 26% Schizoid |||||||||||||| 58% Schizotypal |||||||||| 38% Antisocial |||||||||||||| 54% Borderline |||| 18% Histrionic |||||||||||||| 54% Narcissistic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant |||| 14% Dependent |||||| 22% Obsessive-Compulsive |||||| 22% Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with GREAT VENGEANCE and FUUUURIOUS ANGER those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will KNOW my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee!