I am so damn funny I make myself wanna cry.
So I was up early today, but I didn't know what time it was.
Like many mornings I lay there staring at the ceiling, thinking.
Today it was about where I was at that very moment. Thinking about the ridiculous unimportance of last night and the unknown of these next two weeks. Anything after February 14th is totally non-existant in my mind until that date comes.
February 13th is when classes start at Santa Monica College. It's also the beginning to the rest of the year for me. It literally will tell me what I'll be doing the rest of the year. If I'm enrolled and taking classes like the happy student I want to be, then I will be exceptionally off to a well start towards being back at USC this fall.
*sigh* God I'm so scared.
I still haven't even looked at my account balance yet. That was the whole point of me coming to Leavey, to figure out what to do with what little money I have left. I will be asking my parents for money but for once I won't feel bad about it. Not because I've spent their money unwisely before, because I never have, but because I feel like I earnestly do need their help for these crucial next two weeks. Everytime before I always felt like I should have been able to support myself. But I know deep inside my heart that if I want this year to be a success, I need to ask my parents for help.
I don't have any income coming in, soo...
... shit, I have 11 dollars to my name. I can't buy ANYTHING with that. Except a bus pass for next week. Actually, no, that costs $14.00.
Uuuugh... God, please, get me a job soon. That I'll like. That won't conflict with my studies. Please.
Man, I can't even do laundry. I can't buy any cleaning supplies and of course the guys I room with NEVER buy cleaning supplies. I was really shocked when I recently saw a new container of hand soap in the bathroom that -I- didn't buy.
I kinda hate these guys. It's kinda pointless to ask them anything. Actually... you know what, maybe I'm just being a bitch. But I asked one of them to clean the stove in October. Never happened. The floor to the kitchen is disgusting, the bathroom shower stall's floor is gross (thankfully I still wear shower shoes). Do they clean it? No. I think they're trying to use the excuse that my stuff is still in the living room. But, there's a difference between unorganized messy and dirty messy. My stuff is simply stuff laying against the walls in boxes. *sigh* Whatever. It would never work with them until I do get my stuff out of the living room, and I really don't know when that's gonna happen. *shrug*
Getting my life back together is just slightly more important than fixing up the physical evidence of the mess it is.
Anyways, I feel better about today already. I FINALLY clicked on the SMC website. I actually worked out a schedule of classes. Now, if only I hadn't gotten myself kicked out of SMC from all my withdraws and my one F (for forgetting to withdraw, of course), I would have been able to sign up for these classes online without a hitch and not have to worry about a damn thing. But alas, that is what Monday morning will be for.
Monday morning I will commence groveling on my knees to get back into SMC. Hopefully, it will prepare me for the future groveling on my knees to get back into USC.
Alright, so this is what my tentative schedule is gonna look like:
TIME/DAYMONDAYTUESDAYWEDNESDAYTHURSDAYFRIDAY
7:00AM - 8:05AMACCT 1 (1001)ACCT 1ACCT 1ACCT 1NO CLASS8:00AM - 9:20AMDANCE 31 (1585)1.5 hrs free timeDANCE 311.5 hrs free timeNO CLASS9:30AM - 10:50AMKIN PE 48B (2309)1.5 hrs free timeKIN PE 48B1.5 hrs free timeNO CLASS11:00AM - 12:30PM1.5 hrs free1.5 hrs free1.5 hrs free1.5 hrs freeNO CLASS12:45PM - 1:50PMMATH 23 (2432)MATH 23MATH 23MATH 23NO CLASS
Hotness. Now I'm gonna have stalkers all over that.
The thing about getting over to Santa Monica College by seven in the morning is that I have to get on a bus by 5AM. YESSSSS!!! I actually don't mind. No, wait, I do. I think I really do. That means I have to be up by 4:30AM the latest to get ready... and oh God... oh God oh God oh God I don't even have a fitted sheet on my mattress yet. I at least have a quilt to keep me warm and pillows with cases but no fitted and flat sheets....... *sigh* I just wanna get my laundry over with!! I HAVE NO MONEY!!! AUUGGGH!!!
Okay. So that last bit right there might seem really strange to some of you. But getting up at 4:30AM everyday would not be a problem at all if everything was hunky-dory. Imagine waking up to my mess of a life everyday, wondering how the hell I'm going to fix it.
It would really help to have some damn fitted and flat sheets on my mattress, and the curtains up that go around my bed. *sigh*.... God. God, God, God.
See, I've been falling asleep without showering before going to bed, and instead showering right before I leave to go somewhere. Thing is, I can't stop thinking about how dirty my mattress is from sweat and grim from me not showering when I collapse into bed every night. Blegh. I can't wait till I get the chance to clean that shit up....
WHEN? WHEN WILL THIS HELL BE OVER? WHEN WILL I GET A PERMANENT JOB? Please, soon!
If only people still used 3.5 floppy drives, I could get my cover letter into my e-mail account and get my shit printed out. UGH. STUPID TEXAS FOR STUPIDLY STILL USING 3.5 FLOPPY DISKS WHEN CALIFORNIA HAS ALREADY MOVED ON.
DAMN!!!!!!!
I think the thing I hate about being 20... oh wait, I'm 21... is that.... God, there's so much unknown shit to deal with. Your life can go anywhere and nowhere at the same time. I hope it's not like this for the rest of my life.
Ugh, I don't wanna end my entry like this. Back to that damn list.
Oh -- I totally didn't stick to Thursday's or Friday's lists. It's all dependant on me fucking getting my cover letter out of that 3.5 in floppy. If one friend who I think has the drive actually doesn't, I'm just gonna have to hit the public libraries... I'm gonna kill someone if they don't have the drive either!
SO! the eternal LIST:
Actually... I really don't know what the fuck to do tomorrow. I was gonna buy groceries, but I can't. :-( Fuck I think I'll buy milk. I do know for certain that I'm going to have to strip Monday night. I've always been meaning to do it, but now I really do. I ALWAYS say that. But I'm gonna do it, God damn it. I've got to do it if I want to be able to pay for bills and registration and food and start paying back my roomie for utility bills.
SHIT, why doesn't he just fucking post the shit up on the fridge like most roomies do!!!! SO ANNOYING. I don't like having one person manage-- well, I guess it works, I just wish he'd be more open about fucking utilities. He NEVER tells me how much I owe, I just pay him $50, and that's not cool. Ugh.
Okay. February is going to be the month where I get my shit together. No going out, no wasting time or money. Nose to the grindstone, all the way. I need to get my routine back. Tomorrow I will try and wake up by 4... do I workout in the mornings still even though I have ballet and swim on Mondays and Wednesdays? YES. Even for 30 minutes. That might mean having to wake up in the 3AM hour though. Hmm. Fuck. Going to bed
SO! Back to that fucking list!!!!
Like many mornings I lay there staring at the ceiling, thinking.
Today it was about where I was at that very moment. Thinking about the ridiculous unimportance of last night and the unknown of these next two weeks. Anything after February 14th is totally non-existant in my mind until that date comes.
February 13th is when classes start at Santa Monica College. It's also the beginning to the rest of the year for me. It literally will tell me what I'll be doing the rest of the year. If I'm enrolled and taking classes like the happy student I want to be, then I will be exceptionally off to a well start towards being back at USC this fall.
*sigh* God I'm so scared.
I still haven't even looked at my account balance yet. That was the whole point of me coming to Leavey, to figure out what to do with what little money I have left. I will be asking my parents for money but for once I won't feel bad about it. Not because I've spent their money unwisely before, because I never have, but because I feel like I earnestly do need their help for these crucial next two weeks. Everytime before I always felt like I should have been able to support myself. But I know deep inside my heart that if I want this year to be a success, I need to ask my parents for help.
I don't have any income coming in, soo...
... shit, I have 11 dollars to my name. I can't buy ANYTHING with that. Except a bus pass for next week. Actually, no, that costs $14.00.
Uuuugh... God, please, get me a job soon. That I'll like. That won't conflict with my studies. Please.
Man, I can't even do laundry. I can't buy any cleaning supplies and of course the guys I room with NEVER buy cleaning supplies. I was really shocked when I recently saw a new container of hand soap in the bathroom that -I- didn't buy.
I kinda hate these guys. It's kinda pointless to ask them anything. Actually... you know what, maybe I'm just being a bitch. But I asked one of them to clean the stove in October. Never happened. The floor to the kitchen is disgusting, the bathroom shower stall's floor is gross (thankfully I still wear shower shoes). Do they clean it? No. I think they're trying to use the excuse that my stuff is still in the living room. But, there's a difference between unorganized messy and dirty messy. My stuff is simply stuff laying against the walls in boxes. *sigh* Whatever. It would never work with them until I do get my stuff out of the living room, and I really don't know when that's gonna happen. *shrug*
Getting my life back together is just slightly more important than fixing up the physical evidence of the mess it is.
Anyways, I feel better about today already. I FINALLY clicked on the SMC website. I actually worked out a schedule of classes. Now, if only I hadn't gotten myself kicked out of SMC from all my withdraws and my one F (for forgetting to withdraw, of course), I would have been able to sign up for these classes online without a hitch and not have to worry about a damn thing. But alas, that is what Monday morning will be for.
Monday morning I will commence groveling on my knees to get back into SMC. Hopefully, it will prepare me for the future groveling on my knees to get back into USC.
Alright, so this is what my tentative schedule is gonna look like:
TIME/DAYMONDAYTUESDAYWEDNESDAYTHURSDAYFRIDAY
7:00AM - 8:05AMACCT 1 (1001)ACCT 1ACCT 1ACCT 1NO CLASS8:00AM - 9:20AMDANCE 31 (1585)1.5 hrs free timeDANCE 311.5 hrs free timeNO CLASS9:30AM - 10:50AMKIN PE 48B (2309)1.5 hrs free timeKIN PE 48B1.5 hrs free timeNO CLASS11:00AM - 12:30PM1.5 hrs free1.5 hrs free1.5 hrs free1.5 hrs freeNO CLASS12:45PM - 1:50PMMATH 23 (2432)MATH 23MATH 23MATH 23NO CLASS
Hotness. Now I'm gonna have stalkers all over that.
The thing about getting over to Santa Monica College by seven in the morning is that I have to get on a bus by 5AM. YESSSSS!!! I actually don't mind. No, wait, I do. I think I really do. That means I have to be up by 4:30AM the latest to get ready... and oh God... oh God oh God oh God I don't even have a fitted sheet on my mattress yet. I at least have a quilt to keep me warm and pillows with cases but no fitted and flat sheets....... *sigh* I just wanna get my laundry over with!! I HAVE NO MONEY!!! AUUGGGH!!!
Okay. So that last bit right there might seem really strange to some of you. But getting up at 4:30AM everyday would not be a problem at all if everything was hunky-dory. Imagine waking up to my mess of a life everyday, wondering how the hell I'm going to fix it.
It would really help to have some damn fitted and flat sheets on my mattress, and the curtains up that go around my bed. *sigh*.... God. God, God, God.
See, I've been falling asleep without showering before going to bed, and instead showering right before I leave to go somewhere. Thing is, I can't stop thinking about how dirty my mattress is from sweat and grim from me not showering when I collapse into bed every night. Blegh. I can't wait till I get the chance to clean that shit up....
WHEN? WHEN WILL THIS HELL BE OVER? WHEN WILL I GET A PERMANENT JOB? Please, soon!
If only people still used 3.5 floppy drives, I could get my cover letter into my e-mail account and get my shit printed out. UGH. STUPID TEXAS FOR STUPIDLY STILL USING 3.5 FLOPPY DISKS WHEN CALIFORNIA HAS ALREADY MOVED ON.
DAMN!!!!!!!
I think the thing I hate about being 20... oh wait, I'm 21... is that.... God, there's so much unknown shit to deal with. Your life can go anywhere and nowhere at the same time. I hope it's not like this for the rest of my life.
Ugh, I don't wanna end my entry like this. Back to that damn list.
Oh -- I totally didn't stick to Thursday's or Friday's lists. It's all dependant on me fucking getting my cover letter out of that 3.5 in floppy. If one friend who I think has the drive actually doesn't, I'm just gonna have to hit the public libraries... I'm gonna kill someone if they don't have the drive either!
SO! the eternal LIST:
Actually... I really don't know what the fuck to do tomorrow. I was gonna buy groceries, but I can't. :-( Fuck I think I'll buy milk. I do know for certain that I'm going to have to strip Monday night. I've always been meaning to do it, but now I really do. I ALWAYS say that. But I'm gonna do it, God damn it. I've got to do it if I want to be able to pay for bills and registration and food and start paying back my roomie for utility bills.
SHIT, why doesn't he just fucking post the shit up on the fridge like most roomies do!!!! SO ANNOYING. I don't like having one person manage-- well, I guess it works, I just wish he'd be more open about fucking utilities. He NEVER tells me how much I owe, I just pay him $50, and that's not cool. Ugh.
Okay. February is going to be the month where I get my shit together. No going out, no wasting time or money. Nose to the grindstone, all the way. I need to get my routine back. Tomorrow I will try and wake up by 4... do I workout in the mornings still even though I have ballet and swim on Mondays and Wednesdays? YES. Even for 30 minutes. That might mean having to wake up in the 3AM hour though. Hmm. Fuck. Going to bed
SO! Back to that fucking list!!!!