Daily Insanity
A story as to how the game of golf came to being...
Yes, before you ask, I wrote this, as I write all of my Daily Insanities unless I specifically give credit to someone else. But go ahead and share if you feel the need.
The game of golf:
The game of golf is interesting, how the heck do you think they came up with it? Rumor has it that it started in Scottland. Well, how the heck do you think they came up with this game?
Well, here's my theory. During the battles with the British, the Scottsmen were severely out classed in terms of weapons and armor. The british longbows and heavy calvarly were just to much to fight directly. So one of 'em got a bright idea.
"Well, we've got a whole crapload o' rocks up 'ere in da highlands. Let's use 'em!"
Well, first came the sling, but they found that it really wasn't quick enough to send a hailing barage into the enemy.
So they tried the cricket method.
"Well, Jameson, I pick 'em up, smack 'em with the stick, but I keep missin' tha bloody thing! This jus won work!"
"Well, put it on the ground then ya big wuss!"
So, he did, and smacked every one of 'em off the big rock he used to prop it up a little.
"Well, I'll be!"
They lined up 10 or 12 rocks each, and proceeded to smack 'em hard and long off into the fields. But it wasn't far enough to reach the longbows.
"Well, this'll work if we wants ta beat up our oon people, or beat up a charge o' horse, but we still canna reach them bows!"
One of the brighter of them figured out that if you hit the rock at the higher end of a curved stick, the angle fired it off a bit further. Some whittling later...
THWAP! "Wow, Jonas, that really flew!" He was firing off smaller rocks up onto the next hill. But they had really bad aim. At best they could hope to inundate the enemy with a few salvos, but not necessarily hit anything.
"Well, we're oot of rocks. Guess we betta go git 'em."
So with a bunch of buckets they went off and collected their rocks back, and realized they had less then before. "We lost some rocks, Jonas."
"Yeah, some hit the big pond over there, and *I* ain't going in to get 'em. Couple hit in the soft dirt yonder, too. Canna find 'em."
"Well, then if ya hit oon in there, ya gotta replace it." Thus became the sand trap and water hazard. Sometimes you can get out of a sand trap... but in the water, you're done.
"Hey, Michael, leave the bucket up 'ere!"
"Why?"
"Why carry it back when it's empty and we're gonna come back for it anyway?"
"Good point!"
So, the bucket was left on the big hilltop. One of the younger ones tried to show off. "I'm gonna whack dat bucket!"
The guys had a good laugh at him as his shots went everywhere but, and then a few more tried to show him up, being competitive. Soon, all 10 of 'em were firing off rocks at the buckets.
"Ho! Lads, use a mootion ta swing yer kilt! It gives ya more betta aim! If yer loins are swinging with yer stick, yer gots it right!"
Thus became the moronic stance that is necessary to properly use one of these weapons! It also helps explain why golf pants imitate a scottish tartan and have so much room...
Finally, one of 'em landed the ball right IN the bucket. "HA! There's one I won't 'ave ta pick up. Beat that!"
Soon, everyone had created a different set of these wooden clubs, all whittled at different angles. If they switch clubs, they found the arcs were different between the clubs, not just the people swinging 'em. Soon each person carried four or five of these clubs, because you never knew just how far out that enemy was going to be.
They'd move the bucket around, trying to get better with judging the accuracy. Eventually, though, they got tired of going, collecting rocks, moving the bucket, and returning them. Much easier to go to the rocks and swing again from there.
Thus began the precursor to the golf course... and the 'hole' being at different locations. Of course, being lazy, if they hit a rock off or short, they'd take one of their 'short clubs' and just whack it at the next hillock. Eventually, one of 'em got smacked.
"Damn thee Bobby-boy! Ya whacked me with that damned rock! Say somethin' next time, 'eh?"
"Ya, sure, I'll yell next time yer in my fore and in my way!"
So, just ta confuse him, Bobby-boy yelled 'fore!' the next time he whacked a ball at Daniel. After the ensuing fist fight, the word kinda stuck as a warning just because of the humor of the incident.
"Where'd ya put the bucket this time, dammit?!"
"It's right there, behind the grass!"
"Well, 'ow the hell we supposed ta see it?!"
"Fine!"
With that, Ol' Marcus walked out with a tall stick, tied a bit of cloth to it, and created the first golf-hole flag. "There! Noos ya can sees it!"
Eventually, the smaller boys came out to help their dads as they practiced this new form of warcraft. They'd try to feel important, and would help carry the clubs and would hold the rocks and place them as they tried to fire off these rocks as quickly as possible, all trying to hit the bucket at once. Thus, the first caddies joined the field.
"Hey, lads! We're gettin' decent at puttin' da rock right next ta the bucket, but damned if it's no hard ta find in the tall grass. What say we gets our sheeps oot 'ere ta cut down some where we wants ta hit it?"
"That's a damned good idea!"
Thus became the original putting green.
However, before this small village was ever able to put their new methods of warcraft to the true test, the English attacked and overran them before they even had a chance to set up. They took over the village, and to keep the fact that they were in fact practicing a new way of fighting a secret, they said they were playing a 'game'. To make it look at least somewhat competitive, you had to get the ball to the bucket. Thus came the last 'club' we wonder about, the putter, and why it was necessary. Also, you only hit one rock at a time, otherwise it was just to hard to figure out which 12 rocks were yours.
Eventually, this practice caught on as an enjoyable way to go 'rough it' for high class English, as so we have the precursors to our 'country clubs'.
Thus, we have golf. From war, to rich man's game, in a nutshell.
Yes, before you ask, I wrote this, as I write all of my Daily Insanities unless I specifically give credit to someone else. But go ahead and share if you feel the need.
The game of golf:
The game of golf is interesting, how the heck do you think they came up with it? Rumor has it that it started in Scottland. Well, how the heck do you think they came up with this game?
Well, here's my theory. During the battles with the British, the Scottsmen were severely out classed in terms of weapons and armor. The british longbows and heavy calvarly were just to much to fight directly. So one of 'em got a bright idea.
"Well, we've got a whole crapload o' rocks up 'ere in da highlands. Let's use 'em!"
Well, first came the sling, but they found that it really wasn't quick enough to send a hailing barage into the enemy.
So they tried the cricket method.
"Well, Jameson, I pick 'em up, smack 'em with the stick, but I keep missin' tha bloody thing! This jus won work!"
"Well, put it on the ground then ya big wuss!"
So, he did, and smacked every one of 'em off the big rock he used to prop it up a little.
"Well, I'll be!"
They lined up 10 or 12 rocks each, and proceeded to smack 'em hard and long off into the fields. But it wasn't far enough to reach the longbows.
"Well, this'll work if we wants ta beat up our oon people, or beat up a charge o' horse, but we still canna reach them bows!"
One of the brighter of them figured out that if you hit the rock at the higher end of a curved stick, the angle fired it off a bit further. Some whittling later...
THWAP! "Wow, Jonas, that really flew!" He was firing off smaller rocks up onto the next hill. But they had really bad aim. At best they could hope to inundate the enemy with a few salvos, but not necessarily hit anything.
"Well, we're oot of rocks. Guess we betta go git 'em."
So with a bunch of buckets they went off and collected their rocks back, and realized they had less then before. "We lost some rocks, Jonas."
"Yeah, some hit the big pond over there, and *I* ain't going in to get 'em. Couple hit in the soft dirt yonder, too. Canna find 'em."
"Well, then if ya hit oon in there, ya gotta replace it." Thus became the sand trap and water hazard. Sometimes you can get out of a sand trap... but in the water, you're done.
"Hey, Michael, leave the bucket up 'ere!"
"Why?"
"Why carry it back when it's empty and we're gonna come back for it anyway?"
"Good point!"
So, the bucket was left on the big hilltop. One of the younger ones tried to show off. "I'm gonna whack dat bucket!"
The guys had a good laugh at him as his shots went everywhere but, and then a few more tried to show him up, being competitive. Soon, all 10 of 'em were firing off rocks at the buckets.
"Ho! Lads, use a mootion ta swing yer kilt! It gives ya more betta aim! If yer loins are swinging with yer stick, yer gots it right!"
Thus became the moronic stance that is necessary to properly use one of these weapons! It also helps explain why golf pants imitate a scottish tartan and have so much room...
Finally, one of 'em landed the ball right IN the bucket. "HA! There's one I won't 'ave ta pick up. Beat that!"
Soon, everyone had created a different set of these wooden clubs, all whittled at different angles. If they switch clubs, they found the arcs were different between the clubs, not just the people swinging 'em. Soon each person carried four or five of these clubs, because you never knew just how far out that enemy was going to be.
They'd move the bucket around, trying to get better with judging the accuracy. Eventually, though, they got tired of going, collecting rocks, moving the bucket, and returning them. Much easier to go to the rocks and swing again from there.
Thus began the precursor to the golf course... and the 'hole' being at different locations. Of course, being lazy, if they hit a rock off or short, they'd take one of their 'short clubs' and just whack it at the next hillock. Eventually, one of 'em got smacked.
"Damn thee Bobby-boy! Ya whacked me with that damned rock! Say somethin' next time, 'eh?"
"Ya, sure, I'll yell next time yer in my fore and in my way!"
So, just ta confuse him, Bobby-boy yelled 'fore!' the next time he whacked a ball at Daniel. After the ensuing fist fight, the word kinda stuck as a warning just because of the humor of the incident.
"Where'd ya put the bucket this time, dammit?!"
"It's right there, behind the grass!"
"Well, 'ow the hell we supposed ta see it?!"
"Fine!"
With that, Ol' Marcus walked out with a tall stick, tied a bit of cloth to it, and created the first golf-hole flag. "There! Noos ya can sees it!"
Eventually, the smaller boys came out to help their dads as they practiced this new form of warcraft. They'd try to feel important, and would help carry the clubs and would hold the rocks and place them as they tried to fire off these rocks as quickly as possible, all trying to hit the bucket at once. Thus, the first caddies joined the field.
"Hey, lads! We're gettin' decent at puttin' da rock right next ta the bucket, but damned if it's no hard ta find in the tall grass. What say we gets our sheeps oot 'ere ta cut down some where we wants ta hit it?"
"That's a damned good idea!"
Thus became the original putting green.
However, before this small village was ever able to put their new methods of warcraft to the true test, the English attacked and overran them before they even had a chance to set up. They took over the village, and to keep the fact that they were in fact practicing a new way of fighting a secret, they said they were playing a 'game'. To make it look at least somewhat competitive, you had to get the ball to the bucket. Thus came the last 'club' we wonder about, the putter, and why it was necessary. Also, you only hit one rock at a time, otherwise it was just to hard to figure out which 12 rocks were yours.
Eventually, this practice caught on as an enjoyable way to go 'rough it' for high class English, as so we have the precursors to our 'country clubs'.
Thus, we have golf. From war, to rich man's game, in a nutshell.