Harry Potter: A Measure of Redemption (Snape/Lily) PGish - briefly

[guiltysecret79]

She doesn't really know why she came. She should have handed the note to someone, anyone. Betrayed her oldest friend for what he has become. Despite all that has gone before, she could not.

She has the baby with her in a sling on her chest, a shield, a statement which screams "I am a mother now, a married woman, don't ask of me that which

Comments

[subversa]

...I can see him, crying. So poignant.

[guiltysecret79]

Not a terribly enjoyable conversation, no.

Given how much he was supposed to adore her, it didn't seem likely that he wouldn't have tried to warn Lily what was going to happen.

[sirenprincess]

Aww, poor Sev. I really enjoyed this paragraph

There are tears in his eyes as he pleads with her, spilling the words too fast, to wild to follow. That scares her more than any warnings he can offer. She has never seen him cry. Even as a child, when he spoke to her of the horrors he had suffered which she could scarce imagine it was always measured, matter of fact.

Thanks for sharing.

[guiltysecret79]

Thanks.

I was a little nervous of posting as there are some fantastic writers in the community :-)

[spikesminx]

I can see this happening. Him crying and all. Bittersweet.. ^_^

[guiltysecret79]

Thanks.

I'm rather pleased that you guys think it's plausible :-)

[_acerbitas_]

Wow that was so full of emotion. I really liked how you wrote this. It made everything come to life so well. I'm having a hard time expressing this, but I think I can totally see Sev crying, and Lily feeling exactly like she did in this story. Great stuff.

[guiltysecret79]

I can't usually write emotional stuff, so thanks :-DDDD

I'm toying with writing this from Sev's point of view too, but I suspect that's going to be a lot more difficult - I mean, Lily's upset, but he's totally screwed up!

[psychrolute]

Psssh, who needs a beta? x]

As everyone else said, I could totally see this happening, from bringing Harry to the kiss. I really liked "spilling the words too fast, too wild to follow" and "A breath later he is gone."

[guiltysecret79]

Thanks :-)

I'll write more stuff now I know I'm not about to get laughed out of LiveJournal.

As I said to another commenter, I don't usually write emotional stuff very well. The wierd, stilted sentences seemed to work though.