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AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!
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GEEZ, I JUST NEEDED TO DO THAT
...
AGGHHHHHGKLHJF
I'm annoyed with myself, I'm moving too slow.
In everything.
I seem to be programed to procrastinate, even when I try to do work I always end up doing something totally different. I hate it.
Everything's going wrong, and there's too many dates to remember, too many clashes.
And I'm stuck in the art world, I'm not getting any better and it's pissing me off!
I know art is all about enjoyment and finding ways of getting round things and al lthat jazz
And I've been doing that happily until now
I've hit a wall, and my bloody bulldozer has run out of power cos I left the radio on too long when I went into Tesco's.
FOR FUCK SAKE
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I know there are many people with problems alot worse than mine. And I know that I'm being petty. And I know that I'm procrastinating RIGHT NOW. And that I could be something alot more useful.
But for god sake.
Hmm. I think I'm a very jealous person.
There's this very talented 15 year old on Deviant art, her work is A-MA-ZING
Inf fact, alot of young people on deviantart are REALLY talented. And I've been seeing alot of them lately
And I don't have a problem with them, in fact I encourage them. Go them!
But when I saw that 15 year old's work, and checked her age. I'm sorry to say I finally cracked.
She's so freaking talented, and I've been stuck at the same level for all this time. If I compared my stuff to her it would look llike a 5 year olds
(in fact, compared to anyone it would. T_________T)
And the fact that I'm getting so angsty about it is because I've wanted to be a cartoonist all my life, but fuck it I need to improve ALOT
And as much as I've been trying to improve, for like, the last year or so, I always seem to be getting the same crap.
It's when I was doodling yesterday, and my mom and sister walked in and my mom said "This is what she want's to do for a living, Gill."
I then looked at what I was doing and started going over the stuff I'd drawn, is it good enough? Or is it just a loada scribbles on a piece of paper?
And to be perfectly honest, it's the only thing I'm mildly good at. So if I can't get into something in the art business, I should basically take a box to tramp city, and make some friends while I'm ahead. Best to get prepared, right?
Ahaa, I'm sucha prick.
...
I hate being angry.
I need someone to scream at me to work my arse off.
Seriously
Hmm, I'm feeling one of those split personalitiy things coming on.
One side of me is certain I'm being an absolute selfish bitch, and that I should get off my arse, get working and organise myself.
And the other side wants go dig a hole, and die in it because she knows she can't do that.
Argggg, I feel like crying
Done.