The Fall [1]

[neorouge]

The Fall

Length: Chaptered (1/7)

Genre: Angst, Romance, Drama

Rating: R

Summary: Gill’s never had a problem with gays. She loved her gay and lesbian friends as much as they love her. But then she finds out Bane is gay too. It wouldn’t have really been a problem. But there’s more to it than that. Bane’s in love with Raevin, their younger brother

Comments

[meganmt7]

Wow, talk about a heavy piece! I admire your courage to write something like this; this is something that people with something like this going on in their lives wants to read about, but something so many people are afraid to write. And I like that this isn't from the point of view of either of the brothers, but from the sister, that makes it so much more powerful. Her emotions are really strong and are conveyed really well (I also like the headphones part--it's very human, very relatable). The monologue style works really well for this type of piece.

The only thing I might look at is the first paragraph; you use the word camping three times in a row, which can be muddling for a reader. Overall, well done!

[neorouge]

:O You have no clue how much I appreciate your comment! I never thought anyone LJ would actually comment otl and here you are even giving me what you think is good and bad about the piece, much loved, thank you.

Actually, I didn't feel much fear writing this, I'm somewhat of a romantic and the forbidden aspect of the genre really grabs me; there is a lot of incest floating around lately, but I've noticed, as you pointed out, that there isn't a lot of them told from an outsider's view, which is what i wanted to read and... voila!(?)

I've learned that writing things that readers can relate to can really draw them into the story, that and I also like to writ little details, like the headphones... I'm glad you can relate :)

Thanks for pointing out the first paragraph, I didn't even notice that... I'll revise a little later C: Wouldn't have even noticed that without you.

Thank you so much for reading and critiquing, once again, much appreciated.

[meganmt7]

Oh my goodness, you are so welcome! You just made me feel like a queen, haha! Glad I could help :)

[neorouge]

Well, I don't get many critique here for my original fiction so I can't help it -~-;