shiner and wine

[gusterbrown]

so, i broke the silence. i sent ben an email. i don't expect a response, but, there were a few things i needed to say and to get out. i hope that one day i can see through these masks that people wear and be able to see when i'm being used, for lack of a better word. i loved that boy with all my heart, and, i still miss him so much. almost

Comments

[dukesadog]

It's hard to break the bond that was once had. Don't be disappointed if he doesn't respond. Try to be strong and don't let it defeat you. It's too bad he didn't feel the same way that you did. As J Geils Band says, Love Stinks.

[gusterbrown]

Yeah, it does. The hardest thing with Ben is that we were such good friends, ya know? I mean, we were apart more than we were physically together, and, we talked about everything. It's harder knowing that he isn't my friend than thinking he didn't feel as deeply for me as I did for him. I can deal with that. But, the friendship with him has been really hard to let go of. :(

[k9soul]

Don't be hard on yourself about giving in and e-mailing, now or later. You've been as strong as you can, stronger than many would be able to be in your situation. Perhaps if he doesn't respond, your mind will really be able to move on a little easier, and if he does, perhaps he could offer some insight. I think it's best not to expect a response though, as you said.

Ugh, I wish I could offer more comfort somehow. I know being sick has to make you more emotionally vulnerable too. I do really understand and relate to some of the feelings you talked about. I know my situation is different, but sometimes I get plagued by memories of "how it used to be" and it's all I can do to not collapse in tears or even get scared again about what the future holds. I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of positive healing thoughts and many hugs. Take care of yourself Kari. Love ya girl!

[gusterbrown]

I know, Jess, thank you. It hasn't been easy for me, and, it's been over a month since we even texted eachother. Back when he was so rude to me. And, yeah, I don't expect a response. :( And, please, you do so much for me, just by being honest with me and by being there when I have needed a little support. Being sick has heightened everything...but, honestly, I think it's just because I'm bored. ;)

I'm feeling a lot better, by the way...thanks you guys for the back up! :)

[xradeu]

I know I don't know you very well - part of the reason I put you on my friends list - (Staci - shais_mom-Keegan/Kylie/Kloe) to get to know you better. But I think emailing him will help heal you as it at least gets your thoughts out in a non threatening way.

[gusterbrown]

Yeah, you're right. :) It's just I know he won't respond, and, I just don't think I'll ever understand how people can just ignore others. Especially if they are people you've cared about at all. I can usually see other's perspectives, but, that's just something that I've never been able to understand. And, the people doing it never seem to have anything to say about it, either. And, I did feel better after sending him the email.