Don't look back, there ain't nothing there to see.

[gusterbrown]

So, here am I. In a state of shock. I don't know what I want to say, but, I'm sure my fingers will manage to find something to type. It's amazing to me how things happen to give me hope for my sanity and my future. I mean, here's this person that I trusted, that has turned his back on me, and, walked away. He'll be better off without me, I'm

Comments

[dukesadog]

I am so sorry your life has been up and down lately. I am very jaded on love. In fact, I don't even believe in it any more. I'm sorry you're having to learn about the hurt associated with love. It's almost as much hurt as death itself. Is he why you were going to move back to Texas? If so, it's so much better that it happened before you did move there where you would have no family or friends. I have no advice except to take it one day at a time. To quote the J Geils band: Love Stinks.

[gusterbrown]

Well, I've already learned that love and friendships both suck. It's nothing new to me, actually. This hasn't hurt nearly as bad, yet. I think I'll be fine, though. And, yeah, Ben would have been the only reason I would move back to Texas. But, I was by no means on my way to moving back there. So, it's not a big deal in that aspect, either. I totally believe in love, though. I hope I never grow out of that. I just haven't found the right person, yet. I wasn't planning on dating anyone for awhile once I left Texas, and, now that Ben isn't in my life, I'll stick to that rule. The next person I date or marry or whatever will have to be a friend for awhile first. I'm doing great, though...had an awesome day! And, tomorrow will be a good 'un, too. :)

[k9soul]

Hi Kari

[gusterbrown]

Thanks, Jessica. It means a lot that you and Valerie are thinking about me, and, worried about me. ;) I don't know that Ben suffers from depression, but, it sure sounded like it last night. But, I've sounded depressed before, too, and, never been truly clinically depressed. All I know is that it's not something I will deal with. If you can't turn to me when things get rough, then, we're not friends. So, it's better that he and I aren't together. I love him to pieces, but, the age difference is big when it comes right down to it. If he decides to contact me again for any reason, I'll never ignore him. I absolutely hate it when people do that to me, and, I will never turn my back on someone like I've had done to me. I don't care what happened with that person. Ben knows that I'm here if he needs me. I worry about him, but, I'm not letting it affect my daily life, it's just not something I can afford to do

[braunschweiger]

fuck. that makes me sad kari.

[gusterbrown]

I know, Rob. It's ok, though. I'm not sad. :) All this crap that gets thrown on me just makes me more sure of myself in so many ways. That's not to say that little pieces of my heart haven't died again. Because they most certainly have. But, unlike what happened with Brandon, at least I have possession of my heart this time, and, not someone else. It'll all be fine, I love you! And, that's what matters.