Spring 2007

[guylian]

When I forget to take my antidepressants for a few days, I start having longer, albeit bad, dreams again. In today's example, I dreamt I got so drunk at a party of my own that I forgot everything that had happened, and the next day I went around asking the guests what the hell went on. Quite impressively, I'd blacked out within 40 minutes of

Comments

[chermite]

I'm sorry to hear you're having bad dreams, El. I hope you slept well and warmly and with a purring kitty by your side. :)

[satyapriya]

Sorry you're having bad dreams. I know they can linger on like an after-taste and make you feel like crap.
And I'm sorry for this, but....ahahahahahaha! 'sexually harass an aging great aunt'! If I'd dreamed that, my reaction would be 'WTF?'
Still, I hope the bad dreams subside and dreams for entertainment's sakes return.

[satyapriya]

If you don't mind me asking, how was your depression diagnosed? I've had 2 doctor-types ask me recently if I thought I was depressed(trouble sleeping, lethargy). I don't percieve I am, any more than my usual winter blues. Did you know you were depressed? Curious.

[guylian]

I've always known there was something wrong, from a very young age. When I was 13, and really fucking up at school, feeling sick and tired and refusing to go, my mum took me to have a blood test 'to see if I was anaemic'. I wasn't, so therefore 'nothing was wrong' with me. 'Depression' wasn't a word used to describe a kid's health until I was no longer a kid. Between 19-21 I was looking for work/getting stuck on Centerlink programs, and everyone told me I was 'down' because of that, but it would disappear once I found a job.
(cont. next post...)

[guylian]

I started getting what (the best way I could describe them at the time) as 'stress headaches', and saw a useless, just-out-of-med-school doctor who made light of my situation and told me to smile more and 'take a holiday somewhere' - and me on a Centerlink pension.

At 21, I applied for and got into RMIT's screenwriting program, and had the best six months of my life doing that and working on RMITV programs, overdoing the hell out of myself and getting out of that to 'slow down' before I fell over. I was okay though mentally, although I started drinking after classes rather than go home - my parents were really fighting then. I'd met Darren by this stage, and he'd become a great comfort to me.
(cont next post...)

[guylian]

During a practice pitch to a small group in a class when I was 23-24? I broke into tears, not because of the (barely there) helpful criticism, but because of the focus on me - dad had walked out on us (again) a few night's previous and I felt rather raw. My class teacher took me aside and suggested I see one of the free RMIT councellors, but one session of that was enough. I knew why I felt like I did, I knew why I was drinking so much (I realised I could hang out at the pub with L/L and bitters instead and kill the same time) and I knew what would fix it - moving out. Councellor looked at me like 'so why the fuck are you here?' and she was so busy with other people I felt guilty about wasting her time (I'm still crap with councellors for the same reasons

[satyapriya]

Hmmm, suspect I have mild depression dating back to post-natal depression that never lifted. I know I've never felt quite the same since having the kids, but dunno whether that's normal or not.
I know I'm a lot better than I used to be, and have a lot more skills now to deal with the pmt, the winter blues, and the mild 'grey fog' I am in 80% of the time.
I find work(not RedSchool) helps, as does journalling, and sunshine. I also know that 'The Mastery Club' and 'The Artist's Way' have both contributed greatly to my empowerment.
I dunno, I don't think I'm bad enough to medicate, on an ongoing basis. How is one supposed to feel anyway?