Prompt 303 Humour & Sticky Situation
Title: Wufei Chang and the Honeyed Trap
Author: ingvild
Characters: Wufei, Une, mention of Relena and Sally
Rating/word count/Warnings: All ages, 848 words, dialogue only
Summary: Wufei is reporting back after a mission of grave importance to national security. Also, why is he now bald?
”Agent Chang, there are a few points in your latest report that I would like you to clarify.”
“Yes, Commander Une. Which points would those be?”
“For one thing, you’ve put down ‘anonymous source’ as your tip-off. While this is acceptable, I would like some more clarification. Before that, however, there’s something else. I realise that you are still growing, but you ordered uniforms of a larger size only last week. Yet you ordered three new just yesterday. Does this have any relation to your latest mission?
“Please answer the question once you are done cringing, Chang.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Well?”
“As you can see from my report, I entered the premises in question after suspecting that something sinister was happening there.”
“The premises in question being ‘Gilbert and Gobbs’ Ecological Honey Factory’.”
“This is correct.”
“What made you believe that the manufacturer of the Earth Sphere’s most delicious sweet condiment, perfect for tea, cake or on bread, succulent and sweet, making anything it is added to melt on the tongue...”
“Ma’am?”
“...that the honey was sinister?”
“Careful observation of changes in the behaviour of people with a regular intake on the substance, Ma’am.”
“Surely not. I have been using Gilbert and Gobbs’ Honey in my tea for the past four months, and I haven’t noticed any change.”
“...Ma’am, please listen to this recording of you and Vice Foreign Minister Darlian discussing her security schedule for her tour of the outer colonies of L3.”
“You’re not supposed to have the clearance for that.”
“I’ll go outside, Ma’am.”
“Drop the sarcasm, Chang.”
“Yes, Ma’am. You can decide if you want to prosecute me after you listen to it.”
......
......
......
“Have you finished listening to the recording? Commander Une?”
“Yes, I have.”
“Do you see why I didn’t include this in my report?”
“Indeed.”
“Only I didn’t think it would benefit anyone if it came out that the two most powerful women in the Earth Sphere were sounding like a honey commercial when they were supposed to talk shop.”
“Yes, thank you, agent Chang. But if I have been acting like this for a long while - and miss Relena even longer, since she was the one who introduced the honey to me - I imagine people have already noticed.”
“Ah, about that, Ma’am...I believe your natural demeanour has been working in your favour.”
“Excuse me?”
“While investigating this case, I found that naturally flighty people were unable to stop talking about the honey. You and Vice Foreign Minister Darlian, however, are both serious workaholics, and so would only start in on the honey when you were somehow set off.”
“And since we don’t talk about honey regularly...”
“Exactly.”
“I believe that your report’s citing of an anonymous source is sufficient this time, Chang. Now, your uniforms?”
“...Could we not overlook it this time, Ma’am?”
“Why? Did you fall into the vat of honey?”
“......”
“Three times?”
“....What?”
“Since you needed three new uniforms.”
“...Ah, no. I did fall in once, when trying to collect honey for a chemical analysis. Luckily, Agent Po was there to fish me out.”
“Is this also the reason for your new hairstyle?”
“...It wouldn’t come out of my hair either.”
“I think bald suits you.”
“All the more reason to grow it back. Ma’am.”
*Chuckle* “So how did you ruin two more uniforms?”
“I had to sneak back in to get to the office, but as I blew up the computer after me...”
“...As one does...”
“...my uniform caught fire.”
“But of course.”
“In my defence, Ma’am, I had no way of knowing that the computer was trip-wired to a flame thrower.”
“...That sounds completely idiotic. Not only could anyone set it off by accident, but it’s inefficient - as your fortunate escape shows.”
“My thoughts exactly. Incompetent people should never design security systems. It’s like giving a gun to an amateur.”
“And your third uniform?”
“As I came to apprehend the suspects, they tipped the vat of honey onto me. I was stampeded by workers trying to escape and got drenched.”
“I see.”
“The one thing I don’t know is their motive for this.”
“Ah, I do believe I know. Miss Relena told me that she was introduced to the honey at a government conference. The entire government is addicted.”
“...I thought the President was acting a bit strangely.”
“Quite. At least now it’s over. Unless you think there will be withdrawal symptoms?”
“I doubt it. You were still having a reaction because you have your own secret stash of the honey, which I will not tell you how I know about, but...”
“You know about it because I thought it was a safe secret to let people know, so they don’t go looking for my unsafe secrets.”
“...I didn’t hear that. Anyway, the Vice Foreign Minister has reportedly been acting normally, only with less of a sweet tooth than she used to have.”
“Good. Well then, Agent Chang, thank you. You saved us from what might have been a...”
“...”
“On second thought, I won’t finish that sentence.”
“Thank you, Commander Une.”
Author: ingvild
Characters: Wufei, Une, mention of Relena and Sally
Rating/word count/Warnings: All ages, 848 words, dialogue only
Summary: Wufei is reporting back after a mission of grave importance to national security. Also, why is he now bald?
”Agent Chang, there are a few points in your latest report that I would like you to clarify.”
“Yes, Commander Une. Which points would those be?”
“For one thing, you’ve put down ‘anonymous source’ as your tip-off. While this is acceptable, I would like some more clarification. Before that, however, there’s something else. I realise that you are still growing, but you ordered uniforms of a larger size only last week. Yet you ordered three new just yesterday. Does this have any relation to your latest mission?
“Please answer the question once you are done cringing, Chang.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Well?”
“As you can see from my report, I entered the premises in question after suspecting that something sinister was happening there.”
“The premises in question being ‘Gilbert and Gobbs’ Ecological Honey Factory’.”
“This is correct.”
“What made you believe that the manufacturer of the Earth Sphere’s most delicious sweet condiment, perfect for tea, cake or on bread, succulent and sweet, making anything it is added to melt on the tongue...”
“Ma’am?”
“...that the honey was sinister?”
“Careful observation of changes in the behaviour of people with a regular intake on the substance, Ma’am.”
“Surely not. I have been using Gilbert and Gobbs’ Honey in my tea for the past four months, and I haven’t noticed any change.”
“...Ma’am, please listen to this recording of you and Vice Foreign Minister Darlian discussing her security schedule for her tour of the outer colonies of L3.”
“You’re not supposed to have the clearance for that.”
“I’ll go outside, Ma’am.”
“Drop the sarcasm, Chang.”
“Yes, Ma’am. You can decide if you want to prosecute me after you listen to it.”
......
......
......
“Have you finished listening to the recording? Commander Une?”
“Yes, I have.”
“Do you see why I didn’t include this in my report?”
“Indeed.”
“Only I didn’t think it would benefit anyone if it came out that the two most powerful women in the Earth Sphere were sounding like a honey commercial when they were supposed to talk shop.”
“Yes, thank you, agent Chang. But if I have been acting like this for a long while - and miss Relena even longer, since she was the one who introduced the honey to me - I imagine people have already noticed.”
“Ah, about that, Ma’am...I believe your natural demeanour has been working in your favour.”
“Excuse me?”
“While investigating this case, I found that naturally flighty people were unable to stop talking about the honey. You and Vice Foreign Minister Darlian, however, are both serious workaholics, and so would only start in on the honey when you were somehow set off.”
“And since we don’t talk about honey regularly...”
“Exactly.”
“I believe that your report’s citing of an anonymous source is sufficient this time, Chang. Now, your uniforms?”
“...Could we not overlook it this time, Ma’am?”
“Why? Did you fall into the vat of honey?”
“......”
“Three times?”
“....What?”
“Since you needed three new uniforms.”
“...Ah, no. I did fall in once, when trying to collect honey for a chemical analysis. Luckily, Agent Po was there to fish me out.”
“Is this also the reason for your new hairstyle?”
“...It wouldn’t come out of my hair either.”
“I think bald suits you.”
“All the more reason to grow it back. Ma’am.”
*Chuckle* “So how did you ruin two more uniforms?”
“I had to sneak back in to get to the office, but as I blew up the computer after me...”
“...As one does...”
“...my uniform caught fire.”
“But of course.”
“In my defence, Ma’am, I had no way of knowing that the computer was trip-wired to a flame thrower.”
“...That sounds completely idiotic. Not only could anyone set it off by accident, but it’s inefficient - as your fortunate escape shows.”
“My thoughts exactly. Incompetent people should never design security systems. It’s like giving a gun to an amateur.”
“And your third uniform?”
“As I came to apprehend the suspects, they tipped the vat of honey onto me. I was stampeded by workers trying to escape and got drenched.”
“I see.”
“The one thing I don’t know is their motive for this.”
“Ah, I do believe I know. Miss Relena told me that she was introduced to the honey at a government conference. The entire government is addicted.”
“...I thought the President was acting a bit strangely.”
“Quite. At least now it’s over. Unless you think there will be withdrawal symptoms?”
“I doubt it. You were still having a reaction because you have your own secret stash of the honey, which I will not tell you how I know about, but...”
“You know about it because I thought it was a safe secret to let people know, so they don’t go looking for my unsafe secrets.”
“...I didn’t hear that. Anyway, the Vice Foreign Minister has reportedly been acting normally, only with less of a sweet tooth than she used to have.”
“Good. Well then, Agent Chang, thank you. You saved us from what might have been a...”
“...”
“On second thought, I won’t finish that sentence.”
“Thank you, Commander Une.”