Alex - One Year Mark
I find it nearly impossible to believe that a full year has gone by since Alex passed. A year. I don't remember so much of this past year. Details have drifted away. It's as if I've been in a dream (nightmare?) for an entire year. Am I finally waking up? Am I ready to wake up? I've certainly let some of the pain through but I think that I've kept a lot of it locked down. I know that this is a necessary part of the healing process but it's so much easier to try and heal in bits and pieces. There are so many daily things that shake me up - one of the most poignant being the flag at half staff. I can turn my emotions off to a taped version of Taps or Amazing Grace if I'm prepared for them but catch me off guard and they're my undoing (Amazing Grace on bagpipes is the worst). And today, after a lovely morning of fishing with my mom in memory of Alex, Sara McLachlan's Angel came on the radio. This is the death song for me. I hear this song in conjunction with almost every death I've ever experienced. A year ago, this song came on while we were out at the Spartan Sports Den. Twenty minutes later I was receiving the news. I listened to it this morning and missed my baby brother fiercely.