Swimming with the Sidhe - Chapter 5
Title: Swimming with the Sidhe
Author: gwylliondream
Genre: Canon era
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Words: 53,589
Author's notes: Swimming with the Sidhe was written for paperlegends and as a kinkme_merlin fill for this prompt.
Disclaimer: All Arthurian characters are the property of BBC/Shine and their creators. The Calming Manatee and most of its words belong to HT (the Human Typist) of the Calming Manatee meme.
Comments: Comments are welcome anytime! Thanks so much for reading!
Riding on Aithusa’s back was a lot different than riding Kilgharrah. The ancient dragon had flown with a subtle grace, never banking harder than necessary, never flapping his wings like a hummingbird to gain enough speed to prevent a crash landing. Merlin had all he could do to hold firmly onto Aithusa’s pale neck scales as he floated and dipped clumsily over the countryside. It made his head ache.
Without Morgana to care for Aithusa, Merlin worried that the dragon might slip into the wrong hands yet again. He had already been traumatized to the degree that he lost his ability to speak when he was imprisoned by the Sarrum of Amata. Who knew what other behaviours would manifest themselves because of his years in captivity? Merlin worried that the dragon may never be able to trust him, and that he might never be able to trust Aithusa.
The dragon's inability to speak was bad enough, but Merlin wasn’t even sure if Aithusa understood what Merlin commanded him to do. The dragon seemed to respond best to Merlin's body language, instead of his words. Despite the difficulties in communication, it was time that Merlin claimed what was rightfully his-control of the young tortured beast that he had watched hatch from an egg. With proper training, perhaps Merlin could get Aithusa to fly with the same smooth graceful arcs as Kilgharrah always did.
Their first stop was atop the ramparts of Camelot. Merlin wanted to make sure the Saxons hadn't yet mounted their attack. He wordlessly shielded his approach with an invisibility spell-the same spell he had used to hide Leon and his horse from the Saxons. Merlin marvelled at how strong his magic had become. He first noticed the change in its feel as it vibrated through him after he met with his father in the cave where Morgana had trapped him after using the Gean Canach to render him powerless. Since his magic’s return, something had changed within him. Perhaps Balinor’s affirmation that Merlin was magic itself unleashed the latent power that coursed through Merlin’s veins so he could reach his fullest potential. He had been in such despair over Arthur’s death that he hadn’t thought to question it but he hoped that he could use its strength to help bring Arthur back to life.
All was quiet when Aithusa touched down, unseen by Camelot's guards on duty in the early morning. Merlin was relieved that the siege hadn't yet begun. One more swoop over the enemy's camp would tell him how much progress had been made during the night Merlin spent at the lakeside.
Merlin looked wistfully over the courtyard and the towers of the castle that he called home. “I’ll return your king to you soon,” he whispered into the chilly morning air. “I promise.”
But there was no time to spend perched on the ramparts reflecting about Camelot’s future or the comfort of Arthur’s embrace. With a nudge of his heels, Merlin urged Aithusa into the sky again.
High above the realm, Merlin scanned the landscape for the Saxons’ camp. It took all his strength to hold Aithusa steady while his eyes blazed with gold as he tracked the enemy. Just outside of Camelot, he found where the Saxons had amassed their army. Merlin didn’t dare try to land near the army under the power of Aithusa’s unsteady wings. He’d be too distracted by concern for Aithusa to concentrate on disarming the Saxons in time to get to their king and his crown. Satisfied that the Saxon’s allies had not yet joined them, Merlin set off to find allies of his own.
They first flew to Caerleon. Merlin believed he could count on Queen Annis’s support, despite their shaky beginning. A woman of Annis’s age didn’t get the rule a kingdom without intelligence and wisdom. Merlin hoped that she would use her wisdom to understand that it would behove her to remain allied with Arthur. Merlin guided Aithusa to an open orchard and left the dragon there to forage for his breakfast.
At the entrance to the castle, Annis’s men quickly notified their queen of Merlin’s arrival.
“Merlin, I’ve heard the news,” Annis said when Merlin was led to her sitting room. She disregarded formality and instead took Merlin into her arms and embraced him.
Merlin couldn’t contain his trepidation about his task that lay ahead, but he appreciated that Annis had regarded him so warmly.
“You know about Arthur,” Merlin said. He wondered where to begin.
“Word of a ruler's death travels fast throughout the realm,” Annis said, finally releasing him. “I'm so sorry. I know how much Arthur Pendragon meant to you.”
“I have a lot to tell you about Arthur,” Merlin said. “It's not as simple as it seems.”
“Look at you… you look like you haven’t slept in a week. Please sit and stay a while,” Annis said, leading him to a table and chairs where refreshments had been set out for them.
“I can't stay long,” Merlin said. “I just want to assure you that I have a plan to put into motion that might bring Arthur back, but I'll need your help.”
Annis clutched a hand to her throat. “Merlin, I know how upset you must be because of Arthur's death. Anyone could have seen that you were more than just his fool. I've heard about your magic, but not even the most powerful of sorcerers can bring a dead man back to life.”
“I think I can,” Merlin said, pulling Annis's chair out so she could sit. “Let me explain.”
Annis hadn’t been approached by the Saxons, but just as Merlin anticipated, she would have refused to comply with their plan to attack Camelot anyway. She had her army watching them and observing their whereabouts after word came of Arthur's death. One could never be too careful when warring bands of men roamed the countryside.
The pitcher of water Annis poured from reminded Merlin to tell her about the manatee and the Sidhe's promise to heal Arthur. From his satchel, Merlin took the vial containing the shard of steel that had been removed from Arthur's heart and showed it to Annis. She held the vial up to the sunlight that streamed through an open window, and examined the tiny shard. Merlin sensed her sorrow that her own husband had died when Arthur plunged a dagger into his heart.
“To think that such a tiny thing could do so much harm,” Annis said with curiosity.
Merlin's heart clenched. For the first time, he was able to put himself in Annis's position. The loss of her husband was still fresh in her mind, even after all these years had passed. Of course, Merlin still believed that it had been Caerleon's own fault that he had been killed. His numerous transgressions against Camelot were committed without remorse and Arthur gave him every chance he could to repent. Still Merlin felt how painful it must have been for Annis to lose the man she shared her life with. He wasn't sure that he could ever forgive Mordred for killing Arthur, even if he were given the opportunity. He'd never thought twice about killing Morgana as Arthur lay dying. He had no regret for ending her life, despite their previous friendship and bond of magic. Annis was a wiser and more forgiving person than Merlin, and he was grateful for her alliance to Arthur and for her behaviour that he could use to guide his own.
Annis's voice stirred him from his thoughts.
“Your magic is a gift, Merlin. Use it wisely and we all will prosper,” Annis said. “Arthur deserves nothing less.”
She tucked the vial containing the shard into Merlin’s hand and gave it a squeeze.
Merlin thanked her for her steadfast support. She promised to have an army of archers watch for Merlin at the crossroads where the road to Ealdor left from the road to Camelot. Caerleon’s men would defend Merlin if it was deemed necessary as he made his bid for the crown of the Saxon king.
Next, Merlin climbed onto Aithusa's back and flew to Nemeth to see if he could be guaranteed help from Rodor. Aithusa touched down in their empty courtyard and Merlin was quickly seized by the guards that Rodor had left in place to watch over Mithian.
“It's not like I'm a child,” Mithian said, waving the guards off.
Merlin shrugged his shoulders back into his jacket when he was freed. “I've come to bring you news of Arthur,” Merlin said.
“Oh, Merlin, I already know. You must be devastated,” Mithian said, straightening Merlin’s collar and kissing his cheek. “Father just rode to Camelot this morning to see if he could offer Guinevere assistance. It's a terrible thing.”
Merlin nodded enthusiastically. “That's great news, really,” he said. “I'm glad Rodor wants to help.”
Mithian looked confused until Merlin explained about the Sidhe and their promise and how he needed to return the Saxon's crown to its rightful owner. She laughed about the manatee and about how brave Merlin was to have finally revealed his magic. Although his clothing was dishevelled and his face was smudged with grime, they joy on Merlin’s face told Mithian that he wasn’t in mourning. Merlin showed Mithian the shard of steel from Mordred's blade, although it was entirely unnecessary. She would have believed his story because of his sincerity alone.
“I can send a messenger to my father so he knows of your plan,” Mithian said, taking his hand as they walked to the field behind the stables where Aithusa waited. “Perhaps you’ll need his help when you approach the Saxon’s camp. It can’t be an easy matter to get a crown from a king.”
“I'll do my best,” Merlin said, “and I have every reason to think I'll succeed.”
Merlin whistled for Aithusa and, after a few false starts, the dragon followed Merlin and Mithian as they walked alongside the brook that flowed into the moat of Rodor’s castle.
The day had turned warm and Merlin squatted to dip his dirty hands into the water while Mithian sat on the sandy bank.
“It was you he loved all along,” Mithian said as Merlin dried his hands on his breeches.
Merlin searched for a flat stone and cast it into the water. “I was jealous of you when you first came to Camelot,” he said after a while. He bit the inside of his cheek, hoping it might keep him from blushing like a girl.
“My father was shocked by Arthur’s death,” Mithian said, leaning back so the sun warmed her face. “But he never asked if I was going to be able to cope with my sadness over him, nor if his wife would be overcome with grief.”
The surface of the water rippled as it had done when Morforwyn appeared to Merlin, but the manatee was nowhere in sight.
“No?” Merlin asked.
“No,” Mithian said, wrapping her arms around her knees. “Even he knew Arthur's heart belonged to another.”
Merlin cast another stone, trying to make it skip across the water.
“It’s been you all along, hasn’t it been, Merlin? That’s why you’re so willing to save him every time he gets into trouble,” Mithian said.
“I never really knew, until it was too late,” Merlin confessed.
“It’s so obvious,” Mithian laughed.
Merlin held back a grin with all his might. It felt good to share this conversation with a friend like Mithian.
“Arthur never got on with anyone as well as he did with you, did he?” Mithian asked.
Merlin remained silent, trying to stave off the pain he imagined he’d feel if he failed the Sidhe.
“I can see that you are totally in love,” Mithian said, punching Merlin in the arm.
Merlin finally let his face break into a smile.
“Well, let’s get a move on,” Mithian said, standing and tugging Merlin to his feet. “I’ve got to get a message to my father and you have more stops to make before you snatch the crown off Cerdic’s head.”
Merlin felt lighter after his conversation with Mithian. A new confidence filled him. He had the feeling that his plan just might work.
With his known allies in place and their promises made, Merlin mounted Aithusa and flew to find Godwyn. It came as no surprise when he was exactly where Merlin suspected he would be-marching an army of one hundred men from Gawant to the Saxon's camp.
“It will be easier if I can get him alone,” Merlin said as he rode on Aithusa's back, high above the patrol.
He didn't know why he bothered to tell the dragon his plans. Aithusa had little reaction to anything Merlin said. But in the absence of the manatee, it comforted Merlin to be able to share his thoughts aloud.
Aithusa touched down on a grassy plain just as the Gawant army crested the hill. With a flare of gold in his eyes, Merlin magicked the army, freezing them in mid-step. After protecting Aithusa with a shielding charm, Merlin allowed only Godwyn himself to move freely. Merlin was amazed at the ease with which he could control his power. Godwyn gaped at his men, rendered motionless by the newly unmasked sorcerer Godwyn knew only as King Arthur's gangly serving boy.
“I have nothing to lose by helping the Saxons,” Godwyn argued after Merlin made his accusation that Godwyn sought to side with the Saxons and divide the spoils.
“But you have everything to gain by remaining allied with Camelot,” Merlin said.
“Like what?” Godwyn spat out. “I have no obligation to Camelot. Elena and Arthur never wanted to make a marriage that would have secured the future cooperation of both our kingdoms, lest you forget.”
“Arthur was a loyal ally to your kingdom,” Merlin said, stepping forward. “He'll be terribly disappointed in you when he returns.”
“Stop speaking nonsense,” Godwyn said. His eyes roved over the field where Aithusa grazed. “Arthur is dead. It doesn't matter if he has a sorcerer and a dragon to fight his battles. His battle is lost.”
Merlin took the vial with the shard of steel from his satchel and held it in front of Godwyn's eyes.
“What's this?” Godwyn asked, growing nervous.
“It's the shard that the Sidhe removed from Arthur's heart,” Merlin said. “If you don't believe me, you can face Arthur’s wrath tomorrow when he discovers you have broken your treaty. He won't be pleased with your plan to share the spoils of Camelot with the Saxons, I can tell you that much.”
Merlin watched as Godwyn grew more nervous. It was as if the shard possessed some magical power of its own. Perhaps the Sidhe had charmed it to be ensured of Merlin's conflicts going in their favour. In any case, Godwyn seemed to relent. He held his hands up in surrender.
Within moments, Merlin stood by Aithusa's side as Godwyn led his men back along the road to Gawant.
Merlin’s journey to King Olaf’s camp yielded similar results. Olaf’s men were finishing their mid-day meal only a mile away from the Saxon’s outpost when Aithusa swooped in with Merlin on his back.
“I never wanted my Vivian to marry Arthur in the first place,” Olaf said. “Best that he's dead so I don’t have to hear her nattering on about him, except she’s been in tears for a week now.”
Merlin cringed at the callousness of Olaf’s words. “He’ll return soon enough,” Merlin said. “Maybe your daughter will rejoice that he’s alive again.”
By the time Merlin tucked the vial containing the shard of steel back into his satchel, he had won Olaf's support.
“Arthur had better hurry if he wants to reclaim his throne,” Olaf said with concern. He turned and watched his men repacking their saddlebags with food and drink before they made their trip back home.
Merlin suddenly felt sick to his stomach. “Why?” he asked. “When do the Saxons plan to attack?” Until now, Merlin’s plan had been going smoothly. So far, his allies were secured. His enemies had been identified and convinced that Arthur would return, but he still had more to do, more kingdoms to visit, more people to meet.
“The Saxons lost many men in the battle at Camlann,” Olaf said. “They hope to reinforce their armies with those who want a part of the spoils from Camelot. I'm sure you know that already, but I had no quarrel with Arthur. It won’t be so easy for you to convince Odin and Lot of Essetir that Arthur is alive. And they probably wouldn’t care one way or another.”
Merlin bit his lip. He was running out of time. Olaf's men were preparing to ride. Merlin looked to the sky where the sun was beginning to fall toward the western horizon. He needed to return to the lake with the crown of the Saxon king, and the day was more than half done.
“Arthur...” Merlin whispered looking back toward Avalon. It seemed so far away. He hoped that Morforwyn would carefully watch over Arthur as the Sidhe treated his injury. Merlin’s heart ached when he contemplated the future if he failed in this task. He yearned to hold Arthur in his arms again, to kiss him, but for Arthur to be whole and fully alive, ready to defend Camelot with Merlin at his side. Merlin still needed the crown if he was going to have any hope of seeing Arthur alive again, no matter what allies he had in place.
Merlin had to think fast, but his mind raced with worry over lost opportunities. There would be no time to win Odin and Lot over. Odin might never be convinced of Arthur’s return, so finding him might be a waste of Merlin’s precious time.
And he wanted to visit Lot of Essetir-the kingdom where Merlin’s tiny home village of Ealdor lay. When he set off from the lake in the morning, Merlin had foolishly thought he would be able to take an hour to visit his mother to assure her that he was well and to inform her about the new life he had hoped to make with Arthur. But no, the morning had quickly turned into afternoon and he still hadn’t accomplished what he hoped to, what he needed to, in order to ensure Arthur’s life would be restored.
And what about Alined? He had an alliance with Arthur, but he’d never agree to adhere to it if there were more advantages available with the Saxons. Even if Alined saw Arthur with his own two eyes, the warlord's word was only as good as the mood he was in.
And the new Sarrum of Amata… he would be impossible for Merlin to convince to join his side, not when he recognized Aithusa, the dragon the former Sarrum had cast into a pit.
“When do they attack?” Merlin demanded of Olaf.
Olaf was silent. He stared at the ground while his men sombrely ate their fill.
“Answer me!” Merlin said, the heat rising in his voice.
“Tomorrow at dawn,” Olaf said grimly. “Their plan was to meet today and make the final assault on Camelot together tomorrow. We didn’t know about Arth-”
“Aithusa!” Merlin called.
The young dragon landed beside Merlin in a flurry of flapping wings.
“You’d better hope your king returns,” Olaf said. “Or his kingdom will be as divided as it was before Uther won his reign.”
Aithusa lowered his neck to the ground and Merlin climbed onto his back.
“Uther Pendragon didn’t have the most powerful sorcerer alive on his side though, did he?” Merlin asked.
Olaf nodded in agreement. “For your sake, and Arthur’s,” Olaf said, “you’d better be telling the truth.”
Merlin dug in his heels and Aithusa flapped his wings taking them high into the air above Olaf’s army.
“Good work,” Merlin said, stroking Aithusa’s head. He hoped the young dragon would be able to maintain his steady flight path as they approached the Saxon’s camp. Merlin felt bold when he proclaimed the truth about his magic to Olaf. With the ease of his magic flowing at his will, along with the new confidence instilled in him by Morforwyn and with Aithusa’s help, he believed that getting the crown might be easy.
The dragon flew high over the land. In the distance, Merlin could see the towers of Camelot rising into the sky. Beyond that, the sea glimmered in the sun.
“Water,” Merlin said. “The amazing thing about the water is that you always get what you need.” Merlin stroked Aithusa’s neck. “That’s what the manatee always tells me.”
Merlin hoped the manatee would be right. He silently thanked Morforwyn and remembered how his words comforted him in times of danger and indecision. Beneath him, Aithusa flew smoothly, the trees slipping past beneath his wings as they closed the distance to the Saxon camp.
“It would be best if we circled around,” Merlin said, motioning with a rotation of a finger in front of Aithusa’s eyes as he spoke.
The dragon must have gotten the message, since he glided unsteadily in a wide arc around the encampment.
Merlin spotted Annis’s archers on the eastern hillside. They had moved into position to defend Merlin, as Annis promised they would.
“Steady now,” Merlin spoke gently to Aithusa as he circled past the defenders.
Merlin pressed his right palm forward toward the men, effortlessly whispering the ancient words that would shield them from all but the worst the Saxons had to offer. Satisfied that he had done what he could to repay his debt to Annis, Merlin focused on the road that stretched from Camelot to the Saxon’s outpost. There was no sign of Rodor, but Merlin had every reason to believe that he would be a strong ally to Arthur today, as well as into the future.
On the ground, the Saxons had gathered outside their tents. Some of the men tended to the fires that they used for cooking. Game that they had caught roasted on a spit over the flames. The day had turned bright and warm. It looked like the army was holding their position where they were for the night while they waited for their allies to arrive. Merlin couldn’t discern which man was Cerdic from this high above the camp. He and Aithusa would need to swoop in low to get a better view.
“Let’s make a smooth dive,” Merlin said. “For Arthur.”
Aithusa let out a tiny squeal and banked toward the Saxon camp. It was then that Merlin saw the object he came for. A trio of Saxons were engaged in conversation at a table that had been set up to plan strategy. Merlin could only assume that the maps laid out in front of them contained the plans for their assault on Camelot. They would need them to show their allies what direction they needed to take and which side of the castle to attack. Atop the maps, weighing the parchment down to keep it from blowing away in the autumn breeze, the pewter crown sat unobtrusively between the men.
“Do you see it, Aithusa?” Merlin asked.
Aithusa paused his flight in mid-air, his thin young wings betraying their strength as they beat slowly. Unseen by the enemy, Aithusa hovered over the encampment. Merlin braced himself securely on the dragon’s back, his boots scrabbling for purchase on the smooth scales. His fingers clung to the hollow where Aithusa’s wings met his body.
“That’s what we came for,” Merlin said when he steadied himself. He hardly expected the young dragon to understand.
How could Merlin explain what rescue of the once and future king meant to him? It wasn’t something he could explain to the dragon or to an ally or a foe. The feelings that Merlin had for Arthur were something that could only be sensed when a stranger heard Merlin speak of Arthur, the enthusiasm in his voice, the love in his heart. Two sides of the same coin, Kilgharrah had once said. At least it seemed that the old dragon was right about some things. Maybe in time Aithusa would learn about Arthur’s importance to Merlin.
Aithusa responded by diving low, his wings folded flat to his flanks as he soared toward the ground. Merlin held on tight, his hair blown out of his eyes by the sharp wind as the dragon picked up speed.
By the time the Cerdic and his men noticed Merlin’s approach on Aithusa’s back, it was too late. Merlin reached from the dragon’s swooping wing to grasp the crown, the metal nearly slipping out of his fingers as Aithusa ascended at full speed, his tail lashing back and forth as he rose. With Annis’s guards covering Merlin, the Saxons had no chance to attack the dragon and his rider. Aithusa soared high over the camp with Merlin clutching the Saxon’s crown to his chest.
Merlin could hardly breathe he was so excited for what he and Aithusa had accomplished. As they soared over the landscape he gave Aithusa a few hearty thumps of appreciation. The dragon squealed, seemingly in delight. Merlin tucked the crown into his satchel as they flew for Avalon.
Never had the distance between two points seemed longer.
Merlin didn’t notice how many Saxons had fallen to the arrows of Annis’s guards. He only knew that this part of his task had been a success. If fear that the Sidhe wouldn’t hold up their end of the bargain crept into Merlin’s thoughts, he only focused on the weight of the crown that settled across his hip. If Arthur could never be restored to life, he hoped that at least he would know the lengths that Merlin was willing to cover in order to have him back.
Merlin would have to be satisfied with the knowledge that Arthur knew how hard he had tried.
And for once, Merlin believed he, too, could be satisfied with that accomplishment alone.
Aithusa’s wings beat strong and steady as the tower above the lake at Avalon finally came into view. Merlin admired the beautiful hillside, made all the more beautiful by the knowledge that this was where Arthur waited for him. The fog had long since cleared and the sun shone brightly in the fading afternoon. If Merlin squinted, he could make out Morforwyn's bulky shape as the manatee swam beneath the gentle waves, the blue glow of his own manatee magic following behind him wherever he went.
When Aithusa had touched his feet to the ground, Merlin slid down from his back. He appreciated how well the dragon had been flying. It seemed like he benefited from having Merlin's weight on his back. Merlin rubbed the dragon's muzzle cautiously and praised him for his help. After a moment, Aithusa raised a wary eyebrow to him before slinking away to hunt for voles that burrowed in the nearby meadow.
Merlin shook his head. He still couldn't be sure if he had gained the dragon's trust or if Aithusa would roar out a burst of flames from his lungs if Merlin got too close.
Merlin walked to the water’s edge and pulled the pewter crown from his satchel. Scanning the water for some sign of Arthur, Merlin was disappointed that the surface was only disturbed by the gentle path of Morforwyn's wake.
The sun hadn't yet touched the horizon so Merlin supposed there was still plenty of time for the Sidhe to make good on their promise. He held the crown in his hands and waited for Morforwyn to notice that he had returned. He hoped that the Sidhe would keep their word and were busy putting the finishing touches on healing Arthur's wound. Although he didn’t trust the creatures fully, he tried to tell himself that the he would benefit more if he was patient where the Sidhe were concerned.
It wasn't long before Morforwyn swam toward the shore. Merlin excitedly waved the crown overhead so the manatee could see it in his grasp.
“Merlin!” Morforwyn exclaimed as he propelled himself partway out of the water, a flipper touching the land.
“I got it,” Merlin announced, holding the crown before Morforwyn's eyes.
“I knew you could do it,” Morforwyn said, his whiskered face beaming with pride.
“And not a moment too soon. The Saxons plan to attack Camelot tomorrow. Have you seen Arthur? Do you know if the Sidhe will keep their promise to us?” Merlin asked tentatively, his eyes scanning the quiet water behind the manatee. His voice sounded small, even to his own ears. A part of him feared that Morforwyn could shatter his dreams with news of the Sidhe’s failure to heal the fallen king.
“The last I checked, they were polishing his armour,” Morforwyn said.
Merlin clasped a hand to his mouth and let out an undignified squeal. He could barely convince himself that this was really happening. If Morforwyn was right, Arthur would be returning to him any moment now. He would gladly give Cerdic’s crown to Adaneth if it meant he could feel Arthur’s arms around him again, if he could kiss his lips, and breathe the scent of his skin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath while he imagined their reunion.
Together, they would defend Camelot from the impending Saxon attack. He hoped Arthur would be well-rested enough, and that he regained his strength. Despite having so many allies in place, Arthur would want to rush to Camelot right away. He’d never let his shaky return from the realm of the mysterious Sidhe and his recently healed wound prevent him from entering into battle. He’d want to set off with Merlin right away, but without horses, Merlin could only think of one sure way that they could make the journey back to Camelot quickly.
Merlin flopped down at the water's edge and petted Morforwyn's head. “Aithusa was a great help,” Merlin said. “I was worried about riding on his back. He doesn’t seem to trust me very much and I was afraid he wouldn’t obey my commands. He scares me sometimes.”
“You have been through so much. So much heartbreak, pain, and trials. You got through it all and you'll get through these new experiences with the dragon too. You are stronger and braver than ever. I am so proud of you,” Morforwyn said, thumping a flipper excitedly.
“I couldn't have done it without your help,” Merlin said.
Morforwyn seemed to like it when Merlin stroked his slippery head. He closed his eyes and panted happily while Merlin rewarded him with a rubdown.
Merlin turned to watch Aithusa graze on the grass that grew in sparse clumps at the lakeside. It was hard to believe that a week had passed since Kilgharrah touched down in the same spot when he helped Merlin bring Arthur's body the rest of the way to the lake. The white dragon, its body wracked by torture, nosed through the vegetation to seek out the freshest shoots. There was little for him to choose from with the autumn grass burned dry.
“What’s bothering you, Merlin?” Morforwyn asked gently.
“Nothing,” Merlin answered quickly, turning his attention from Aithusa to the manatee.
Morforwyn sighed.
There was no point in Merlin hiding his emotions from the manatee. The creature always seemed to know exactly how to respond to Merlin's worries. “How do you know something is bothering me?” Merlin asked, his eyes drifting to the water.
“Well, for one thing, you stopped petting me-and who in their right mind would be able to stop petting a manatee, given the chance?” Morforwyn asked calmly. “You can’t fool me, Merlin. I’m here to listen to you. What’s going on? If you tell me, maybe I can help.”
Merlin watched the water, hoping Arthur's arrival would end the discomfort he felt when he thought about the worries he had about Aithusa.
“It's the young dragon, isn't it?” Morforwyn asked.
Merlin sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. He thought hard of how to explain his concerns to the manatee, but what could the oceanic creature know of the plight he faced when dealing with the airborne dragon that he abandoned?
“It's just that Aithusa seemed to follow Morgana's commands so readily,” Merlin said quietly.
Morforwyn tapped Merlin's leg with his flipper. "You looked like you made a safe landing," he said. "Did you think the dragon could have flown more smoothly with you on his back? You didn't seem to have too much trouble getting Cerdic's crown. That's quite an accomplishment."
“I'm worried that his good behaviour won't last. Aithusa followed Morgana's commands… even if it meant attacking me. What's going to happen if he finds out about what I've done?” Merlin asked. He stared at the surface of the lake that remained unchanged.
“What you've done?” Morforwyn asked. The manatee looked over the lake. There was still no sign of Arthur.
“Morgana cared for him,” Merlin said, his voice breaking. “She truly cared for him… and he had no one else to trust. They had a strong bond. How is Aithusa going to feel when he finds out I killed Morgana?”
“Oh, Merlin,” Morforwyn said, dipping his face into the water before emerging again. “You had no choice but to kill Morgana or be killed yourself. Any reasonable creature will understand that-even Aithusa.”
“He'll probably want to hurt me,” Merlin said, shaking his head. “He'll hate me for killing her. I can’t blame him. Besides, it's my fault that he was tortured by the Sarrum in the first place. If I had paid attention to what was going on with Aithusa, instead of trying to make Arthur become a great king, he'd still be my dragon to command.”
“There now, Merlin, come a little closer,” Morforwyn said, patting Merlin's leg with a flipper. “You couldn't have known what would become of Aithusa when you left him in Kilgharrah's care. And you couldn't have stopped the Sarrum from torturing him or Morgana. No one knows why mean people do things like that, but it's not your fault. You need to forgive yourself. There's no sense in being so upset about it-not when you are so close to getting the one thing that will bring you the greatest joy. You and Aithusa will sort out your differences in time.”
Merlin sniffled. He knew Morforwyn was right. “It's like what Leon said about Gwen. How sometimes when you get the one thing that you wanted so badly, you realized that it was much more responsibility than you thought it would be and it’s just too much to have to deal with all the consequences,” Merlin said. “What's going to happen if I have to protect Arthur from Aithusa?”
“Merlin, let it go,” Morforwyn said. “You’ll certainly find a way to protect Arthur without harming Aithusa. What is done is done, and cannot be undone. It can be really hard to let go sometimes. I know you’re sorry for what happened to Aithusa, but you need to remember that you can’t change the past. The person you were yesterday, a week ago, a year ago, is nothing but a story. He is gone. There is only you, now.”
“But I should have checked on him to make sure he was thriving. He was only a baby,” Merlin said softly.
“Oh, Merlin, accept that you made a mistake. We all do! The other day the Sidhe fairies and I tried to make a flock of geese land at the lake. We splashed in the water, trying to entice them, but they just flew away. We were sad to not have the geese to swim with, but there was nothing we could do about it, so we accepted it. And today, when a pair of swans arrived at the lakeside, we stayed quiet and still and the swans swam with us all day. What I’m saying is, do not regret what you cannot change. Accept it, learn from it, and move on. Forgive yourself. Hating yourself for not being able to change the past is like hating yourself for not being able to breathe underwater. It only hurts you. You deserve forgiveness, Merlin. You are a good person. And I forgive you,” Morforwyn said. Just then, Aithusa appeared at Merlin’s side. He lowered his head to the water and took a long drink. “We all do.”
“I can try,” Merlin said reaching out to pet Aithusa’s neck. “It will take a long time for me to win his trust. Maybe if we are able to return to Camelot together, I can spend more time with him, training him, working with him.”
“Sometimes things take a long time, and that usually means they are worth waiting for,” Morforwyn said.
When Aithusa finished drinking, he wandered back to the meadow to forage for more grass. Merlin rested his hand on Morforwyn’s head. “I don’t know… it probably seems silly of me to be so upset about Aithusa, especially when he tried to destroy Arthur’s army and I can’t even explain to him why it was wrong,” Merlin said.
“Please don't feel silly because you're hurting,” Morforwyn said. “It hurts because it is important. It hurts because it matters.”
“You know, for a manatee, you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better about myself,” Merlin said.
Merlin watched the manatee swim from shore. He floated on his side while propelling himself along in the water, making a meandering wide circle around the lake. The sun had sunk lower in the sky and still there was no sign of Arthur or the Sidhe, but Merlin felt confident that they would arrive at dusk as they had the night before. He tapped his fingers on the pewter crown, reassuring himself of his success in taking it from Cerdic.
“What do you suppose you’re going to do when Adaneth and the Sidhe take their place in Camelot? Will you be lonely without them sharing the lake with you?” Merlin asked when Morforwyn swam close again.
“I don’t think so. I’ve never let my loneliness bother me before,” Morforwyn said, his head rising above the water. “There’s nothing I can do about being trapped here, so I’ve always tried to make the best of it.”
Merlin sat up excitedly. “I remember Gaius told me a story about a shift in the earth that happened a long time ago. Is that what trapped you in the lake? It was long ago, when Gaius was a boy.”
“Oh, yes,” said Morforwyn. “It was a very long time ago. I was just a young manatee then. I had been enjoying myself swimming in the rivers of the realm. One day, the earth shook so hard that rocks slid into the river where I swam. They blocked the entrance to this part of the river and turned it into a lake. I was trapped here and so I’ve lived here for all these years.”
“And you’re happy here?” Merlin asked. “You don’t mind being able to swim only in this lake with the Sidhe?”
“I can’t see any other alternative, but to be happy here. It’s not like I can fly away like Aithusa,” Morforwyn said with a giggle.
Merlin smiled. “You sound like me when I was in Arthur’s service in Camelot. I couldn’t imagine anything different,” he said, remembering what it was like when he first came to Camelot and feared he’d be executed because of Uther’s mandates. “I hid my magic and focused on making Arthur into the great king that I knew he was destined to become. I never thought my life could be filled with any purpose other than that. It’s hard to change when you think you’re satisfied with things the way they are, but Arthur’s death made me realize that there could be something more between us than me being his servant and him being the king. You like swimming here now, but someday you might discover that you want something more too.”
“You are so smart, Merlin,” Morforwyn said. “And you’ve gotten even smarter since I’ve known you.”
“You’re a good teacher,” Merlin said, looking over the ever-still surface of the water. “Arthur would-”
“What is it?” Morforwyn asked, turning his head to look in the same direction as Merlin.
“They’re here,” Merlin said.
~ ~ ~
Author: gwylliondream
Genre: Canon era
Pairings: Arthur/Merlin
Rating: NC-17
Words: 53,589
Author's notes: Swimming with the Sidhe was written for paperlegends and as a kinkme_merlin fill for this prompt.
Disclaimer: All Arthurian characters are the property of BBC/Shine and their creators. The Calming Manatee and most of its words belong to HT (the Human Typist) of the Calming Manatee meme.
Comments: Comments are welcome anytime! Thanks so much for reading!
Riding on Aithusa’s back was a lot different than riding Kilgharrah. The ancient dragon had flown with a subtle grace, never banking harder than necessary, never flapping his wings like a hummingbird to gain enough speed to prevent a crash landing. Merlin had all he could do to hold firmly onto Aithusa’s pale neck scales as he floated and dipped clumsily over the countryside. It made his head ache.
Without Morgana to care for Aithusa, Merlin worried that the dragon might slip into the wrong hands yet again. He had already been traumatized to the degree that he lost his ability to speak when he was imprisoned by the Sarrum of Amata. Who knew what other behaviours would manifest themselves because of his years in captivity? Merlin worried that the dragon may never be able to trust him, and that he might never be able to trust Aithusa.
The dragon's inability to speak was bad enough, but Merlin wasn’t even sure if Aithusa understood what Merlin commanded him to do. The dragon seemed to respond best to Merlin's body language, instead of his words. Despite the difficulties in communication, it was time that Merlin claimed what was rightfully his-control of the young tortured beast that he had watched hatch from an egg. With proper training, perhaps Merlin could get Aithusa to fly with the same smooth graceful arcs as Kilgharrah always did.
Their first stop was atop the ramparts of Camelot. Merlin wanted to make sure the Saxons hadn't yet mounted their attack. He wordlessly shielded his approach with an invisibility spell-the same spell he had used to hide Leon and his horse from the Saxons. Merlin marvelled at how strong his magic had become. He first noticed the change in its feel as it vibrated through him after he met with his father in the cave where Morgana had trapped him after using the Gean Canach to render him powerless. Since his magic’s return, something had changed within him. Perhaps Balinor’s affirmation that Merlin was magic itself unleashed the latent power that coursed through Merlin’s veins so he could reach his fullest potential. He had been in such despair over Arthur’s death that he hadn’t thought to question it but he hoped that he could use its strength to help bring Arthur back to life.
All was quiet when Aithusa touched down, unseen by Camelot's guards on duty in the early morning. Merlin was relieved that the siege hadn't yet begun. One more swoop over the enemy's camp would tell him how much progress had been made during the night Merlin spent at the lakeside.
Merlin looked wistfully over the courtyard and the towers of the castle that he called home. “I’ll return your king to you soon,” he whispered into the chilly morning air. “I promise.”
But there was no time to spend perched on the ramparts reflecting about Camelot’s future or the comfort of Arthur’s embrace. With a nudge of his heels, Merlin urged Aithusa into the sky again.
High above the realm, Merlin scanned the landscape for the Saxons’ camp. It took all his strength to hold Aithusa steady while his eyes blazed with gold as he tracked the enemy. Just outside of Camelot, he found where the Saxons had amassed their army. Merlin didn’t dare try to land near the army under the power of Aithusa’s unsteady wings. He’d be too distracted by concern for Aithusa to concentrate on disarming the Saxons in time to get to their king and his crown. Satisfied that the Saxon’s allies had not yet joined them, Merlin set off to find allies of his own.
They first flew to Caerleon. Merlin believed he could count on Queen Annis’s support, despite their shaky beginning. A woman of Annis’s age didn’t get the rule a kingdom without intelligence and wisdom. Merlin hoped that she would use her wisdom to understand that it would behove her to remain allied with Arthur. Merlin guided Aithusa to an open orchard and left the dragon there to forage for his breakfast.
At the entrance to the castle, Annis’s men quickly notified their queen of Merlin’s arrival.
“Merlin, I’ve heard the news,” Annis said when Merlin was led to her sitting room. She disregarded formality and instead took Merlin into her arms and embraced him.
Merlin couldn’t contain his trepidation about his task that lay ahead, but he appreciated that Annis had regarded him so warmly.
“You know about Arthur,” Merlin said. He wondered where to begin.
“Word of a ruler's death travels fast throughout the realm,” Annis said, finally releasing him. “I'm so sorry. I know how much Arthur Pendragon meant to you.”
“I have a lot to tell you about Arthur,” Merlin said. “It's not as simple as it seems.”
“Look at you… you look like you haven’t slept in a week. Please sit and stay a while,” Annis said, leading him to a table and chairs where refreshments had been set out for them.
“I can't stay long,” Merlin said. “I just want to assure you that I have a plan to put into motion that might bring Arthur back, but I'll need your help.”
Annis clutched a hand to her throat. “Merlin, I know how upset you must be because of Arthur's death. Anyone could have seen that you were more than just his fool. I've heard about your magic, but not even the most powerful of sorcerers can bring a dead man back to life.”
“I think I can,” Merlin said, pulling Annis's chair out so she could sit. “Let me explain.”
Annis hadn’t been approached by the Saxons, but just as Merlin anticipated, she would have refused to comply with their plan to attack Camelot anyway. She had her army watching them and observing their whereabouts after word came of Arthur's death. One could never be too careful when warring bands of men roamed the countryside.
The pitcher of water Annis poured from reminded Merlin to tell her about the manatee and the Sidhe's promise to heal Arthur. From his satchel, Merlin took the vial containing the shard of steel that had been removed from Arthur's heart and showed it to Annis. She held the vial up to the sunlight that streamed through an open window, and examined the tiny shard. Merlin sensed her sorrow that her own husband had died when Arthur plunged a dagger into his heart.
“To think that such a tiny thing could do so much harm,” Annis said with curiosity.
Merlin's heart clenched. For the first time, he was able to put himself in Annis's position. The loss of her husband was still fresh in her mind, even after all these years had passed. Of course, Merlin still believed that it had been Caerleon's own fault that he had been killed. His numerous transgressions against Camelot were committed without remorse and Arthur gave him every chance he could to repent. Still Merlin felt how painful it must have been for Annis to lose the man she shared her life with. He wasn't sure that he could ever forgive Mordred for killing Arthur, even if he were given the opportunity. He'd never thought twice about killing Morgana as Arthur lay dying. He had no regret for ending her life, despite their previous friendship and bond of magic. Annis was a wiser and more forgiving person than Merlin, and he was grateful for her alliance to Arthur and for her behaviour that he could use to guide his own.
Annis's voice stirred him from his thoughts.
“Your magic is a gift, Merlin. Use it wisely and we all will prosper,” Annis said. “Arthur deserves nothing less.”
She tucked the vial containing the shard into Merlin’s hand and gave it a squeeze.
Merlin thanked her for her steadfast support. She promised to have an army of archers watch for Merlin at the crossroads where the road to Ealdor left from the road to Camelot. Caerleon’s men would defend Merlin if it was deemed necessary as he made his bid for the crown of the Saxon king.
Next, Merlin climbed onto Aithusa's back and flew to Nemeth to see if he could be guaranteed help from Rodor. Aithusa touched down in their empty courtyard and Merlin was quickly seized by the guards that Rodor had left in place to watch over Mithian.
“It's not like I'm a child,” Mithian said, waving the guards off.
Merlin shrugged his shoulders back into his jacket when he was freed. “I've come to bring you news of Arthur,” Merlin said.
“Oh, Merlin, I already know. You must be devastated,” Mithian said, straightening Merlin’s collar and kissing his cheek. “Father just rode to Camelot this morning to see if he could offer Guinevere assistance. It's a terrible thing.”
Merlin nodded enthusiastically. “That's great news, really,” he said. “I'm glad Rodor wants to help.”
Mithian looked confused until Merlin explained about the Sidhe and their promise and how he needed to return the Saxon's crown to its rightful owner. She laughed about the manatee and about how brave Merlin was to have finally revealed his magic. Although his clothing was dishevelled and his face was smudged with grime, they joy on Merlin’s face told Mithian that he wasn’t in mourning. Merlin showed Mithian the shard of steel from Mordred's blade, although it was entirely unnecessary. She would have believed his story because of his sincerity alone.
“I can send a messenger to my father so he knows of your plan,” Mithian said, taking his hand as they walked to the field behind the stables where Aithusa waited. “Perhaps you’ll need his help when you approach the Saxon’s camp. It can’t be an easy matter to get a crown from a king.”
“I'll do my best,” Merlin said, “and I have every reason to think I'll succeed.”
Merlin whistled for Aithusa and, after a few false starts, the dragon followed Merlin and Mithian as they walked alongside the brook that flowed into the moat of Rodor’s castle.
The day had turned warm and Merlin squatted to dip his dirty hands into the water while Mithian sat on the sandy bank.
“It was you he loved all along,” Mithian said as Merlin dried his hands on his breeches.
Merlin searched for a flat stone and cast it into the water. “I was jealous of you when you first came to Camelot,” he said after a while. He bit the inside of his cheek, hoping it might keep him from blushing like a girl.
“My father was shocked by Arthur’s death,” Mithian said, leaning back so the sun warmed her face. “But he never asked if I was going to be able to cope with my sadness over him, nor if his wife would be overcome with grief.”
The surface of the water rippled as it had done when Morforwyn appeared to Merlin, but the manatee was nowhere in sight.
“No?” Merlin asked.
“No,” Mithian said, wrapping her arms around her knees. “Even he knew Arthur's heart belonged to another.”
Merlin cast another stone, trying to make it skip across the water.
“It’s been you all along, hasn’t it been, Merlin? That’s why you’re so willing to save him every time he gets into trouble,” Mithian said.
“I never really knew, until it was too late,” Merlin confessed.
“It’s so obvious,” Mithian laughed.
Merlin held back a grin with all his might. It felt good to share this conversation with a friend like Mithian.
“Arthur never got on with anyone as well as he did with you, did he?” Mithian asked.
Merlin remained silent, trying to stave off the pain he imagined he’d feel if he failed the Sidhe.
“I can see that you are totally in love,” Mithian said, punching Merlin in the arm.
Merlin finally let his face break into a smile.
“Well, let’s get a move on,” Mithian said, standing and tugging Merlin to his feet. “I’ve got to get a message to my father and you have more stops to make before you snatch the crown off Cerdic’s head.”
Merlin felt lighter after his conversation with Mithian. A new confidence filled him. He had the feeling that his plan just might work.
With his known allies in place and their promises made, Merlin mounted Aithusa and flew to find Godwyn. It came as no surprise when he was exactly where Merlin suspected he would be-marching an army of one hundred men from Gawant to the Saxon's camp.
“It will be easier if I can get him alone,” Merlin said as he rode on Aithusa's back, high above the patrol.
He didn't know why he bothered to tell the dragon his plans. Aithusa had little reaction to anything Merlin said. But in the absence of the manatee, it comforted Merlin to be able to share his thoughts aloud.
Aithusa touched down on a grassy plain just as the Gawant army crested the hill. With a flare of gold in his eyes, Merlin magicked the army, freezing them in mid-step. After protecting Aithusa with a shielding charm, Merlin allowed only Godwyn himself to move freely. Merlin was amazed at the ease with which he could control his power. Godwyn gaped at his men, rendered motionless by the newly unmasked sorcerer Godwyn knew only as King Arthur's gangly serving boy.
“I have nothing to lose by helping the Saxons,” Godwyn argued after Merlin made his accusation that Godwyn sought to side with the Saxons and divide the spoils.
“But you have everything to gain by remaining allied with Camelot,” Merlin said.
“Like what?” Godwyn spat out. “I have no obligation to Camelot. Elena and Arthur never wanted to make a marriage that would have secured the future cooperation of both our kingdoms, lest you forget.”
“Arthur was a loyal ally to your kingdom,” Merlin said, stepping forward. “He'll be terribly disappointed in you when he returns.”
“Stop speaking nonsense,” Godwyn said. His eyes roved over the field where Aithusa grazed. “Arthur is dead. It doesn't matter if he has a sorcerer and a dragon to fight his battles. His battle is lost.”
Merlin took the vial with the shard of steel from his satchel and held it in front of Godwyn's eyes.
“What's this?” Godwyn asked, growing nervous.
“It's the shard that the Sidhe removed from Arthur's heart,” Merlin said. “If you don't believe me, you can face Arthur’s wrath tomorrow when he discovers you have broken your treaty. He won't be pleased with your plan to share the spoils of Camelot with the Saxons, I can tell you that much.”
Merlin watched as Godwyn grew more nervous. It was as if the shard possessed some magical power of its own. Perhaps the Sidhe had charmed it to be ensured of Merlin's conflicts going in their favour. In any case, Godwyn seemed to relent. He held his hands up in surrender.
Within moments, Merlin stood by Aithusa's side as Godwyn led his men back along the road to Gawant.
Merlin’s journey to King Olaf’s camp yielded similar results. Olaf’s men were finishing their mid-day meal only a mile away from the Saxon’s outpost when Aithusa swooped in with Merlin on his back.
“I never wanted my Vivian to marry Arthur in the first place,” Olaf said. “Best that he's dead so I don’t have to hear her nattering on about him, except she’s been in tears for a week now.”
Merlin cringed at the callousness of Olaf’s words. “He’ll return soon enough,” Merlin said. “Maybe your daughter will rejoice that he’s alive again.”
By the time Merlin tucked the vial containing the shard of steel back into his satchel, he had won Olaf's support.
“Arthur had better hurry if he wants to reclaim his throne,” Olaf said with concern. He turned and watched his men repacking their saddlebags with food and drink before they made their trip back home.
Merlin suddenly felt sick to his stomach. “Why?” he asked. “When do the Saxons plan to attack?” Until now, Merlin’s plan had been going smoothly. So far, his allies were secured. His enemies had been identified and convinced that Arthur would return, but he still had more to do, more kingdoms to visit, more people to meet.
“The Saxons lost many men in the battle at Camlann,” Olaf said. “They hope to reinforce their armies with those who want a part of the spoils from Camelot. I'm sure you know that already, but I had no quarrel with Arthur. It won’t be so easy for you to convince Odin and Lot of Essetir that Arthur is alive. And they probably wouldn’t care one way or another.”
Merlin bit his lip. He was running out of time. Olaf's men were preparing to ride. Merlin looked to the sky where the sun was beginning to fall toward the western horizon. He needed to return to the lake with the crown of the Saxon king, and the day was more than half done.
“Arthur...” Merlin whispered looking back toward Avalon. It seemed so far away. He hoped that Morforwyn would carefully watch over Arthur as the Sidhe treated his injury. Merlin’s heart ached when he contemplated the future if he failed in this task. He yearned to hold Arthur in his arms again, to kiss him, but for Arthur to be whole and fully alive, ready to defend Camelot with Merlin at his side. Merlin still needed the crown if he was going to have any hope of seeing Arthur alive again, no matter what allies he had in place.
Merlin had to think fast, but his mind raced with worry over lost opportunities. There would be no time to win Odin and Lot over. Odin might never be convinced of Arthur’s return, so finding him might be a waste of Merlin’s precious time.
And he wanted to visit Lot of Essetir-the kingdom where Merlin’s tiny home village of Ealdor lay. When he set off from the lake in the morning, Merlin had foolishly thought he would be able to take an hour to visit his mother to assure her that he was well and to inform her about the new life he had hoped to make with Arthur. But no, the morning had quickly turned into afternoon and he still hadn’t accomplished what he hoped to, what he needed to, in order to ensure Arthur’s life would be restored.
And what about Alined? He had an alliance with Arthur, but he’d never agree to adhere to it if there were more advantages available with the Saxons. Even if Alined saw Arthur with his own two eyes, the warlord's word was only as good as the mood he was in.
And the new Sarrum of Amata… he would be impossible for Merlin to convince to join his side, not when he recognized Aithusa, the dragon the former Sarrum had cast into a pit.
“When do they attack?” Merlin demanded of Olaf.
Olaf was silent. He stared at the ground while his men sombrely ate their fill.
“Answer me!” Merlin said, the heat rising in his voice.
“Tomorrow at dawn,” Olaf said grimly. “Their plan was to meet today and make the final assault on Camelot together tomorrow. We didn’t know about Arth-”
“Aithusa!” Merlin called.
The young dragon landed beside Merlin in a flurry of flapping wings.
“You’d better hope your king returns,” Olaf said. “Or his kingdom will be as divided as it was before Uther won his reign.”
Aithusa lowered his neck to the ground and Merlin climbed onto his back.
“Uther Pendragon didn’t have the most powerful sorcerer alive on his side though, did he?” Merlin asked.
Olaf nodded in agreement. “For your sake, and Arthur’s,” Olaf said, “you’d better be telling the truth.”
Merlin dug in his heels and Aithusa flapped his wings taking them high into the air above Olaf’s army.
“Good work,” Merlin said, stroking Aithusa’s head. He hoped the young dragon would be able to maintain his steady flight path as they approached the Saxon’s camp. Merlin felt bold when he proclaimed the truth about his magic to Olaf. With the ease of his magic flowing at his will, along with the new confidence instilled in him by Morforwyn and with Aithusa’s help, he believed that getting the crown might be easy.
The dragon flew high over the land. In the distance, Merlin could see the towers of Camelot rising into the sky. Beyond that, the sea glimmered in the sun.
“Water,” Merlin said. “The amazing thing about the water is that you always get what you need.” Merlin stroked Aithusa’s neck. “That’s what the manatee always tells me.”
Merlin hoped the manatee would be right. He silently thanked Morforwyn and remembered how his words comforted him in times of danger and indecision. Beneath him, Aithusa flew smoothly, the trees slipping past beneath his wings as they closed the distance to the Saxon camp.
“It would be best if we circled around,” Merlin said, motioning with a rotation of a finger in front of Aithusa’s eyes as he spoke.
The dragon must have gotten the message, since he glided unsteadily in a wide arc around the encampment.
Merlin spotted Annis’s archers on the eastern hillside. They had moved into position to defend Merlin, as Annis promised they would.
“Steady now,” Merlin spoke gently to Aithusa as he circled past the defenders.
Merlin pressed his right palm forward toward the men, effortlessly whispering the ancient words that would shield them from all but the worst the Saxons had to offer. Satisfied that he had done what he could to repay his debt to Annis, Merlin focused on the road that stretched from Camelot to the Saxon’s outpost. There was no sign of Rodor, but Merlin had every reason to believe that he would be a strong ally to Arthur today, as well as into the future.
On the ground, the Saxons had gathered outside their tents. Some of the men tended to the fires that they used for cooking. Game that they had caught roasted on a spit over the flames. The day had turned bright and warm. It looked like the army was holding their position where they were for the night while they waited for their allies to arrive. Merlin couldn’t discern which man was Cerdic from this high above the camp. He and Aithusa would need to swoop in low to get a better view.
“Let’s make a smooth dive,” Merlin said. “For Arthur.”
Aithusa let out a tiny squeal and banked toward the Saxon camp. It was then that Merlin saw the object he came for. A trio of Saxons were engaged in conversation at a table that had been set up to plan strategy. Merlin could only assume that the maps laid out in front of them contained the plans for their assault on Camelot. They would need them to show their allies what direction they needed to take and which side of the castle to attack. Atop the maps, weighing the parchment down to keep it from blowing away in the autumn breeze, the pewter crown sat unobtrusively between the men.
“Do you see it, Aithusa?” Merlin asked.
Aithusa paused his flight in mid-air, his thin young wings betraying their strength as they beat slowly. Unseen by the enemy, Aithusa hovered over the encampment. Merlin braced himself securely on the dragon’s back, his boots scrabbling for purchase on the smooth scales. His fingers clung to the hollow where Aithusa’s wings met his body.
“That’s what we came for,” Merlin said when he steadied himself. He hardly expected the young dragon to understand.
How could Merlin explain what rescue of the once and future king meant to him? It wasn’t something he could explain to the dragon or to an ally or a foe. The feelings that Merlin had for Arthur were something that could only be sensed when a stranger heard Merlin speak of Arthur, the enthusiasm in his voice, the love in his heart. Two sides of the same coin, Kilgharrah had once said. At least it seemed that the old dragon was right about some things. Maybe in time Aithusa would learn about Arthur’s importance to Merlin.
Aithusa responded by diving low, his wings folded flat to his flanks as he soared toward the ground. Merlin held on tight, his hair blown out of his eyes by the sharp wind as the dragon picked up speed.
By the time the Cerdic and his men noticed Merlin’s approach on Aithusa’s back, it was too late. Merlin reached from the dragon’s swooping wing to grasp the crown, the metal nearly slipping out of his fingers as Aithusa ascended at full speed, his tail lashing back and forth as he rose. With Annis’s guards covering Merlin, the Saxons had no chance to attack the dragon and his rider. Aithusa soared high over the camp with Merlin clutching the Saxon’s crown to his chest.
Merlin could hardly breathe he was so excited for what he and Aithusa had accomplished. As they soared over the landscape he gave Aithusa a few hearty thumps of appreciation. The dragon squealed, seemingly in delight. Merlin tucked the crown into his satchel as they flew for Avalon.
Never had the distance between two points seemed longer.
Merlin didn’t notice how many Saxons had fallen to the arrows of Annis’s guards. He only knew that this part of his task had been a success. If fear that the Sidhe wouldn’t hold up their end of the bargain crept into Merlin’s thoughts, he only focused on the weight of the crown that settled across his hip. If Arthur could never be restored to life, he hoped that at least he would know the lengths that Merlin was willing to cover in order to have him back.
Merlin would have to be satisfied with the knowledge that Arthur knew how hard he had tried.
And for once, Merlin believed he, too, could be satisfied with that accomplishment alone.
Aithusa’s wings beat strong and steady as the tower above the lake at Avalon finally came into view. Merlin admired the beautiful hillside, made all the more beautiful by the knowledge that this was where Arthur waited for him. The fog had long since cleared and the sun shone brightly in the fading afternoon. If Merlin squinted, he could make out Morforwyn's bulky shape as the manatee swam beneath the gentle waves, the blue glow of his own manatee magic following behind him wherever he went.
When Aithusa had touched his feet to the ground, Merlin slid down from his back. He appreciated how well the dragon had been flying. It seemed like he benefited from having Merlin's weight on his back. Merlin rubbed the dragon's muzzle cautiously and praised him for his help. After a moment, Aithusa raised a wary eyebrow to him before slinking away to hunt for voles that burrowed in the nearby meadow.
Merlin shook his head. He still couldn't be sure if he had gained the dragon's trust or if Aithusa would roar out a burst of flames from his lungs if Merlin got too close.
Merlin walked to the water’s edge and pulled the pewter crown from his satchel. Scanning the water for some sign of Arthur, Merlin was disappointed that the surface was only disturbed by the gentle path of Morforwyn's wake.
The sun hadn't yet touched the horizon so Merlin supposed there was still plenty of time for the Sidhe to make good on their promise. He held the crown in his hands and waited for Morforwyn to notice that he had returned. He hoped that the Sidhe would keep their word and were busy putting the finishing touches on healing Arthur's wound. Although he didn’t trust the creatures fully, he tried to tell himself that the he would benefit more if he was patient where the Sidhe were concerned.
It wasn't long before Morforwyn swam toward the shore. Merlin excitedly waved the crown overhead so the manatee could see it in his grasp.
“Merlin!” Morforwyn exclaimed as he propelled himself partway out of the water, a flipper touching the land.
“I got it,” Merlin announced, holding the crown before Morforwyn's eyes.
“I knew you could do it,” Morforwyn said, his whiskered face beaming with pride.
“And not a moment too soon. The Saxons plan to attack Camelot tomorrow. Have you seen Arthur? Do you know if the Sidhe will keep their promise to us?” Merlin asked tentatively, his eyes scanning the quiet water behind the manatee. His voice sounded small, even to his own ears. A part of him feared that Morforwyn could shatter his dreams with news of the Sidhe’s failure to heal the fallen king.
“The last I checked, they were polishing his armour,” Morforwyn said.
Merlin clasped a hand to his mouth and let out an undignified squeal. He could barely convince himself that this was really happening. If Morforwyn was right, Arthur would be returning to him any moment now. He would gladly give Cerdic’s crown to Adaneth if it meant he could feel Arthur’s arms around him again, if he could kiss his lips, and breathe the scent of his skin. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath while he imagined their reunion.
Together, they would defend Camelot from the impending Saxon attack. He hoped Arthur would be well-rested enough, and that he regained his strength. Despite having so many allies in place, Arthur would want to rush to Camelot right away. He’d never let his shaky return from the realm of the mysterious Sidhe and his recently healed wound prevent him from entering into battle. He’d want to set off with Merlin right away, but without horses, Merlin could only think of one sure way that they could make the journey back to Camelot quickly.
Merlin flopped down at the water's edge and petted Morforwyn's head. “Aithusa was a great help,” Merlin said. “I was worried about riding on his back. He doesn’t seem to trust me very much and I was afraid he wouldn’t obey my commands. He scares me sometimes.”
“You have been through so much. So much heartbreak, pain, and trials. You got through it all and you'll get through these new experiences with the dragon too. You are stronger and braver than ever. I am so proud of you,” Morforwyn said, thumping a flipper excitedly.
“I couldn't have done it without your help,” Merlin said.
Morforwyn seemed to like it when Merlin stroked his slippery head. He closed his eyes and panted happily while Merlin rewarded him with a rubdown.
Merlin turned to watch Aithusa graze on the grass that grew in sparse clumps at the lakeside. It was hard to believe that a week had passed since Kilgharrah touched down in the same spot when he helped Merlin bring Arthur's body the rest of the way to the lake. The white dragon, its body wracked by torture, nosed through the vegetation to seek out the freshest shoots. There was little for him to choose from with the autumn grass burned dry.
“What’s bothering you, Merlin?” Morforwyn asked gently.
“Nothing,” Merlin answered quickly, turning his attention from Aithusa to the manatee.
Morforwyn sighed.
There was no point in Merlin hiding his emotions from the manatee. The creature always seemed to know exactly how to respond to Merlin's worries. “How do you know something is bothering me?” Merlin asked, his eyes drifting to the water.
“Well, for one thing, you stopped petting me-and who in their right mind would be able to stop petting a manatee, given the chance?” Morforwyn asked calmly. “You can’t fool me, Merlin. I’m here to listen to you. What’s going on? If you tell me, maybe I can help.”
Merlin watched the water, hoping Arthur's arrival would end the discomfort he felt when he thought about the worries he had about Aithusa.
“It's the young dragon, isn't it?” Morforwyn asked.
Merlin sunk his teeth into his bottom lip. He thought hard of how to explain his concerns to the manatee, but what could the oceanic creature know of the plight he faced when dealing with the airborne dragon that he abandoned?
“It's just that Aithusa seemed to follow Morgana's commands so readily,” Merlin said quietly.
Morforwyn tapped Merlin's leg with his flipper. "You looked like you made a safe landing," he said. "Did you think the dragon could have flown more smoothly with you on his back? You didn't seem to have too much trouble getting Cerdic's crown. That's quite an accomplishment."
“I'm worried that his good behaviour won't last. Aithusa followed Morgana's commands… even if it meant attacking me. What's going to happen if he finds out about what I've done?” Merlin asked. He stared at the surface of the lake that remained unchanged.
“What you've done?” Morforwyn asked. The manatee looked over the lake. There was still no sign of Arthur.
“Morgana cared for him,” Merlin said, his voice breaking. “She truly cared for him… and he had no one else to trust. They had a strong bond. How is Aithusa going to feel when he finds out I killed Morgana?”
“Oh, Merlin,” Morforwyn said, dipping his face into the water before emerging again. “You had no choice but to kill Morgana or be killed yourself. Any reasonable creature will understand that-even Aithusa.”
“He'll probably want to hurt me,” Merlin said, shaking his head. “He'll hate me for killing her. I can’t blame him. Besides, it's my fault that he was tortured by the Sarrum in the first place. If I had paid attention to what was going on with Aithusa, instead of trying to make Arthur become a great king, he'd still be my dragon to command.”
“There now, Merlin, come a little closer,” Morforwyn said, patting Merlin's leg with a flipper. “You couldn't have known what would become of Aithusa when you left him in Kilgharrah's care. And you couldn't have stopped the Sarrum from torturing him or Morgana. No one knows why mean people do things like that, but it's not your fault. You need to forgive yourself. There's no sense in being so upset about it-not when you are so close to getting the one thing that will bring you the greatest joy. You and Aithusa will sort out your differences in time.”
Merlin sniffled. He knew Morforwyn was right. “It's like what Leon said about Gwen. How sometimes when you get the one thing that you wanted so badly, you realized that it was much more responsibility than you thought it would be and it’s just too much to have to deal with all the consequences,” Merlin said. “What's going to happen if I have to protect Arthur from Aithusa?”
“Merlin, let it go,” Morforwyn said. “You’ll certainly find a way to protect Arthur without harming Aithusa. What is done is done, and cannot be undone. It can be really hard to let go sometimes. I know you’re sorry for what happened to Aithusa, but you need to remember that you can’t change the past. The person you were yesterday, a week ago, a year ago, is nothing but a story. He is gone. There is only you, now.”
“But I should have checked on him to make sure he was thriving. He was only a baby,” Merlin said softly.
“Oh, Merlin, accept that you made a mistake. We all do! The other day the Sidhe fairies and I tried to make a flock of geese land at the lake. We splashed in the water, trying to entice them, but they just flew away. We were sad to not have the geese to swim with, but there was nothing we could do about it, so we accepted it. And today, when a pair of swans arrived at the lakeside, we stayed quiet and still and the swans swam with us all day. What I’m saying is, do not regret what you cannot change. Accept it, learn from it, and move on. Forgive yourself. Hating yourself for not being able to change the past is like hating yourself for not being able to breathe underwater. It only hurts you. You deserve forgiveness, Merlin. You are a good person. And I forgive you,” Morforwyn said. Just then, Aithusa appeared at Merlin’s side. He lowered his head to the water and took a long drink. “We all do.”
“I can try,” Merlin said reaching out to pet Aithusa’s neck. “It will take a long time for me to win his trust. Maybe if we are able to return to Camelot together, I can spend more time with him, training him, working with him.”
“Sometimes things take a long time, and that usually means they are worth waiting for,” Morforwyn said.
When Aithusa finished drinking, he wandered back to the meadow to forage for more grass. Merlin rested his hand on Morforwyn’s head. “I don’t know… it probably seems silly of me to be so upset about Aithusa, especially when he tried to destroy Arthur’s army and I can’t even explain to him why it was wrong,” Merlin said.
“Please don't feel silly because you're hurting,” Morforwyn said. “It hurts because it is important. It hurts because it matters.”
“You know, for a manatee, you always seem to know what to say to make me feel better about myself,” Merlin said.
Merlin watched the manatee swim from shore. He floated on his side while propelling himself along in the water, making a meandering wide circle around the lake. The sun had sunk lower in the sky and still there was no sign of Arthur or the Sidhe, but Merlin felt confident that they would arrive at dusk as they had the night before. He tapped his fingers on the pewter crown, reassuring himself of his success in taking it from Cerdic.
“What do you suppose you’re going to do when Adaneth and the Sidhe take their place in Camelot? Will you be lonely without them sharing the lake with you?” Merlin asked when Morforwyn swam close again.
“I don’t think so. I’ve never let my loneliness bother me before,” Morforwyn said, his head rising above the water. “There’s nothing I can do about being trapped here, so I’ve always tried to make the best of it.”
Merlin sat up excitedly. “I remember Gaius told me a story about a shift in the earth that happened a long time ago. Is that what trapped you in the lake? It was long ago, when Gaius was a boy.”
“Oh, yes,” said Morforwyn. “It was a very long time ago. I was just a young manatee then. I had been enjoying myself swimming in the rivers of the realm. One day, the earth shook so hard that rocks slid into the river where I swam. They blocked the entrance to this part of the river and turned it into a lake. I was trapped here and so I’ve lived here for all these years.”
“And you’re happy here?” Merlin asked. “You don’t mind being able to swim only in this lake with the Sidhe?”
“I can’t see any other alternative, but to be happy here. It’s not like I can fly away like Aithusa,” Morforwyn said with a giggle.
Merlin smiled. “You sound like me when I was in Arthur’s service in Camelot. I couldn’t imagine anything different,” he said, remembering what it was like when he first came to Camelot and feared he’d be executed because of Uther’s mandates. “I hid my magic and focused on making Arthur into the great king that I knew he was destined to become. I never thought my life could be filled with any purpose other than that. It’s hard to change when you think you’re satisfied with things the way they are, but Arthur’s death made me realize that there could be something more between us than me being his servant and him being the king. You like swimming here now, but someday you might discover that you want something more too.”
“You are so smart, Merlin,” Morforwyn said. “And you’ve gotten even smarter since I’ve known you.”
“You’re a good teacher,” Merlin said, looking over the ever-still surface of the water. “Arthur would-”
“What is it?” Morforwyn asked, turning his head to look in the same direction as Merlin.
“They’re here,” Merlin said.
~ ~ ~