When will the sun come out again?
[Private, Unlockable to Rita]
I’ve always wanted to be a healer that worked with patients that needed help. I’m fairly easily put off by blood, though I know many healing charms and spells. I’ve always wanted to work with people and I seem to reach people easily so I figured I could put two together and work as a mental healer at St. Mungo’s. But I’m not so sure now…
My time at St Mungos...it didn't go so well. That ward...the ward for the mentally disturbed patients...it's so sad...and ward two was just...I don't know what to say...
I've yet to meet a person I couldn't help in some way, even if it was a kind word...but those people...those poor helpless people. Nobody can save them...they’ll be like that forever. I want to help them so much, to ease something inside of them. Many of them don't acknowledge you. They don't know you are there. All I want to do is get through to one. To let them know they are cared for...and perhaps they do know that but one can never be sure.
The one patient that has gotten under my skin is a child. She's 14 and her name is Baria. Her parents couldn't take care of her because she's really not well. She goes in to spurts of random behavior, sometimes violent. Sometimes scary. She's huge for her age, some of the healers were saying she's a quarter giant.
I was setting up a wizarding chess board for two older gentleman in ward one when I heard screaming...I finished what I was doing and went to the doors leading to ward two. She was being restrained by 5 healers and nurses. She broke away and fell in to a corner sobbing. I felt so terrible for her. Later, when it was free time, I was asked to entertain in ward two, and the nurse on duty warned me to be wary of Baria who was still sitting in the corner rocking back and forth her head buried in her knees. I wanted to help her.
So I wandered, talked to the gentleman who believes he's the inventor of the toilet seat and the lady who doesn't say anything, but makes random farmyard animal noises when you say something she agrees with.
I eventually made my way over to Baria, I had grabbed some cookies that were laid out for the patients and was going to offer her some, perhaps get her to sit in her favorite chair, the one that was brought in especially for her that nobody else would sit in, because the floor was awfully uncomfortable. I hovered for a second and then leaned down and placed my hand on her shoulder, about to ask if she wanted to get up when it happened so fast.
She grabbed me and wrestled me down to the floor. Pulling me in to the corner so you cold barely see me. She twisted her body and my wrists, and pinned my arms above my head with one hand. She pulled my hair with the other, ripping out a small handful. I was going to cry out but I was so shocked at the abruptness of it all. She looked over me, glairing. Hating me. She had no emotion to her face other then pure ice and dispiesal.
But as luck would have it, a male healer had walked in and saw what was about to happen. Baria pulled back ready to wail on me, but she only got in one quick slap before the healer and nurse were on her trying to get her off me. She started to scream and then wail and all I could do was watch helplessly as she still had me pinned. They got her off me and took her to solitary. Where she could calm down. The nurse returned for me. I hadn't moved but to curl up in the corner where she had been. My eyes wide and unseeing. I think I was in a bit of shock. The nuse healed my cheek, which had a small cut on it where Baria's nails had caught my skin and ripped it. She took me to the bathroom and told me to wash up. I just looked in to the mirror. The blood on my cheek looked like a tear moving down my cheek. I didn't cry. And I still haven't...but I think I'm in shock. This happened on Friday. The nurse came back for me and she told me to go for the rest of the day, that I was always welcome back to come and visit as I've made some friendships with the patients in Ward one. But I don't know if I could go back. I really don't. Something inside me is differnt...I can feel it.
The slap didn't hurt all that much...okay it did. I've never been one for pain. But what scared me was the look in her eyes. The pure and utter hatred she had for me. And I didn't even know her...I couldn't *help* her. I could never reach somebody like that...and really it kills me inside not being able to. I'm dying right now inside thinking about her. I am not angry with her...I couldn't be angry with her. She's hurting too. Somebody has hurt her to become that way... There is so much she'll never know or experience. Somebody took that from her and who ever could do that to her as a child is a terrible person. Never in a million years would I imagine somebody could be so cruel, but there are people out there like that. And what does it leave? Carnage, hurt, betrayal…Baria. She's so young. So very young and I can't do anything for her…
Nothing.
[/Private]
Dumbledore needs to see me about an incident that happened on the work site. I hope he won't keep me too long; I've got Rune's homework to catch up on.
((Apparently this needs a kleenex warning so says Trace, so there it is. ;) ))