Stuck
Title: Stuck
Author: habitualunacy
Pairing: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: There are things that aren't meant to last forever.
A/N: Wooyoung's POV, thoughts, "speech"
(Disclaimer: Don't own the pic, just edited it)
When I look at you I wonder,
Will it be alright to want more?
__
Hyung, Hyung, Hyung,
Khun Hyung, Hyung, Hyung,
That’s right. That’s all you are to me Khun hyung. A hyung, nothing more.
Nothing more.
Just. No. More.
“Wooyoung ah”
You suddenly had your arm around my shoulder.
“Hyung?”
No.
“What do you want to eat for lunch?”
You smiled
“My treat.”
“More…”
“You want more? We can get ice cream after.”
A hyung is what you should only be, so why can’t my heart understand that and still continues to beat rapidly whenever you’re around?
__
It’s an understatement to say that you are perfect, pretty, angel-like, a gentleman, a real prince, a good singer, intelligent, well-mannered, and all the other saucy little words that people use to describe you because all these words aren’t enough to contain the person that is Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. However if I were, in all honesty describe who you are I would say this,
You are to me, a force that overcomes the stillness of my being. A force great enough that the box that you’ve placed my heart in labeled as ‘dongseng’ can’t contain my desire for you. So much so that my heart is already starting to bleed and I’m having a hard time keeping myself from drowning in this blood pool of misery.
Being by your side has given me the strength to face many obstacles in life. I couldn't anymore imagine a life without you. It would just seem too...lifeless. So I endure. I endure all our playful pretense; the random touches, the knowing smiles, the keen observations, the impulse to always be near together. It was like part of a routine that I both love and hate at the same time. I should be satisfied for being a close comrade that knows you well and can stay by your side but there is this silly part of me that just can't let go of the idea of having you all to myself. I know it's childish and selfish but,
What should I do hyung? I’m stuck…
..between being with you, and wanting to have you.
__
I overestimated my ability to cover up my lies with humor and I underestimated the possibility of having to compete for your attention. It was all happening so fast. I was still recovering from hearing that you were to be casted at a virtual marriage. So the thought of meeting your virtual wife was way out of my schedule. I wasn’t prepared when you suddenly called Junho and asked us to accompany you at the karaoke to meet your supposed wife. I did what I can to alleviate the awkwardness. I knew very well where you’ve placed my heart in, so I did what a normal brother would (as far as my sanity would permit and as long as there were still pieces of my heart to be broken)
"I hope that you two will become very happy from now on."
It’s enough that only one of us is in misery.
"Yes we will be. Be jealous." You replied jokingly.
I am.
"Yes, I am jealous."
I want to be with you too.
"There's something I really want to tell you but I think I shouldn't."
I can feel my sanity slipping.
"Tell it." You said
Do you really want to know?
"Hyung.."
You see I…
"Don't tell it."
…know that we can never be.
"Just tell it." you urged once again.
So let me help you put an end to this childishness.
"He told us he liked you even before all this started."
She smiled.
perhaps out of flattery.
You smiled.
maybe because of her smiling.
I smiled.
Because even though my heart was breaking, I couldn’t help but still be foolishly captivated by you.
__
It has been a long time since I came into your room, and just like before it was filled with a distinct scent and everything was arranged orderly, although not as orderly as I would put it but it’s definitely cleaner than Junsu-hyung’s room. I was browsing around looking for an English book while you were at your desk writing on a particular calendar which I haven’t seen before. Out of curiosity I asked,
“Khun hyung what are you counting the dates for?”
“Oh this, It’s a Khuntoria calendar. I’m counting our married days.”
I never thought you were that meticulous. I haven’t really seen this side of you.
“Why?”
“Because it’s important to know the dates of the start and the end of a relationship. Right now we are on our 453th day”
It still breaks me, but seeing how excited you seem, you must really like her..
“I see. So, hyung, what day are we on today?”
..but I still hope that you will look my way and be that much enthusiastic. Even for just a moment.
“What do you mean?”
“You said it’s important to know the start and end dates of a relationship, so you should know how long we have been friends right?”
You looked at me as if I’ve grown another head then you started laughing.
Perhaps it was just my wishful thinking that you would also be counting the days we have spent together. After all I knew you wouldn’t waste time on such trivial matters if it wasn’t important to you.
“Pabo. I didn’t have to count the days for that..”
If only my existence in your life was as important as hers. Then maybe… I stopped myself before I go on further down the road leading to delusions.
“..unless you’re planning on ending our friendship right now”
Somehow there was something in your eyes that I couldn’t quite decipher which made me want to question,
“What if I was planning on that, then you still wouldn't be able to tell me how long we’ve been friends right?”
“I’ll only tell you how long we’ve been friends if we’re not friends anymore.”
“Then, let’s not be friends right now.” I said, my curiosity getting the best of me.
“How exactly do you plan to do that? It takes 2 people to start a friendship and it would also take 2 to end one. I can only think of one reason for us to stop being friends right now and I’m not even sure if you’ll agree to it.”
“Tell me your reason first then I’ll decide”
I didn't expect for you to ride with my inquiries but you stood up from your seat then went right in front of me. I was startled when you came too close that I ended up taking a step backward only to be prevented by the shelf in your room. Both of us stood face to face and I can feel the heat rising in my face although I don’t know if you can see it within the small distance that separate us.
“Hyung, what are you--?”
“Do you really want to know?” You suddenly asked.
I nodded.
The next thing I remembered, I felt weak and then your free hand grabbed hold of my waist to steady me. Just then I realized. You were kissing me. Then you stopped. The hand that you used to cup my face was now resting between my neck and shoulder. Then you said,
“This is my reason. Now do you still want to be friends?”
There was a lot of processing happening in my head and it was like I was seeing you for the first time. Your face showed vulnerability like you were afraid that you’ve just broken something, your lips slightly parted, your posture seemed as though you’ve been struggling for a long time. And your eyes… I saw in your eyes what I thought I will never be able to see when you’re looking at me.
Am I dreaming?
Just then it occurred to me how foolish I’ve been and how much time I have wasted. If only I was a little braver then, I wouldn't have suffered so much. I was reminded of every hurt and pain I’ve inflicted to myself due to my own blindness.
“Wooyoung… Don’t cry.” I was too overwhelmed I didn’t even notice I was crying. You looked as if you were about to cry too. Although I still couldn't fully understand why you did what you did. And although every thing started because of a curious question meant to end as a joke, you showed me a small ray of hope. Even if this ends badly and you end up laughing or disgusted at me it didn't matter right now because I couldn’t control myself anymore.
“I’m S-“
I kissed you before you can even finish your sentence. It wasn’t as magical as I dreamed it to be. But it was the actual you that I’m kissing and that made all the difference.
When we paused for some air, you muttered something I didn’t quite get.
“What?”
“We’ve been friends for 1460 days, today was supposed to be our 1461st “
I was surprised that you actually counted but I'm more surprised that you're still in front of me.
“How long do you think our being ‘not friends’ will last?”
I asked half scared, half curious.
“As long as you don’t get tired of me loving you.”
You kissed me again.
Just like that our friendship ended.
Author: habitualunacy
Pairing: Nichkhun/Wooyoung
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Angst
Summary: There are things that aren't meant to last forever.
A/N: Wooyoung's POV, thoughts, "speech"
(Disclaimer: Don't own the pic, just edited it)
When I look at you I wonder,
Will it be alright to want more?
__
Hyung, Hyung, Hyung,
Khun Hyung, Hyung, Hyung,
That’s right. That’s all you are to me Khun hyung. A hyung, nothing more.
Nothing more.
Just. No. More.
“Wooyoung ah”
You suddenly had your arm around my shoulder.
“Hyung?”
No.
“What do you want to eat for lunch?”
You smiled
“My treat.”
“More…”
“You want more? We can get ice cream after.”
A hyung is what you should only be, so why can’t my heart understand that and still continues to beat rapidly whenever you’re around?
__
It’s an understatement to say that you are perfect, pretty, angel-like, a gentleman, a real prince, a good singer, intelligent, well-mannered, and all the other saucy little words that people use to describe you because all these words aren’t enough to contain the person that is Nichkhun Buck Horvejkul. However if I were, in all honesty describe who you are I would say this,
You are to me, a force that overcomes the stillness of my being. A force great enough that the box that you’ve placed my heart in labeled as ‘dongseng’ can’t contain my desire for you. So much so that my heart is already starting to bleed and I’m having a hard time keeping myself from drowning in this blood pool of misery.
Being by your side has given me the strength to face many obstacles in life. I couldn't anymore imagine a life without you. It would just seem too...lifeless. So I endure. I endure all our playful pretense; the random touches, the knowing smiles, the keen observations, the impulse to always be near together. It was like part of a routine that I both love and hate at the same time. I should be satisfied for being a close comrade that knows you well and can stay by your side but there is this silly part of me that just can't let go of the idea of having you all to myself. I know it's childish and selfish but,
What should I do hyung? I’m stuck…
..between being with you, and wanting to have you.
__
I overestimated my ability to cover up my lies with humor and I underestimated the possibility of having to compete for your attention. It was all happening so fast. I was still recovering from hearing that you were to be casted at a virtual marriage. So the thought of meeting your virtual wife was way out of my schedule. I wasn’t prepared when you suddenly called Junho and asked us to accompany you at the karaoke to meet your supposed wife. I did what I can to alleviate the awkwardness. I knew very well where you’ve placed my heart in, so I did what a normal brother would (as far as my sanity would permit and as long as there were still pieces of my heart to be broken)
"I hope that you two will become very happy from now on."
It’s enough that only one of us is in misery.
"Yes we will be. Be jealous." You replied jokingly.
I am.
"Yes, I am jealous."
I want to be with you too.
"There's something I really want to tell you but I think I shouldn't."
I can feel my sanity slipping.
"Tell it." You said
Do you really want to know?
"Hyung.."
You see I…
"Don't tell it."
…know that we can never be.
"Just tell it." you urged once again.
So let me help you put an end to this childishness.
"He told us he liked you even before all this started."
She smiled.
perhaps out of flattery.
You smiled.
maybe because of her smiling.
I smiled.
Because even though my heart was breaking, I couldn’t help but still be foolishly captivated by you.
__
It has been a long time since I came into your room, and just like before it was filled with a distinct scent and everything was arranged orderly, although not as orderly as I would put it but it’s definitely cleaner than Junsu-hyung’s room. I was browsing around looking for an English book while you were at your desk writing on a particular calendar which I haven’t seen before. Out of curiosity I asked,
“Khun hyung what are you counting the dates for?”
“Oh this, It’s a Khuntoria calendar. I’m counting our married days.”
I never thought you were that meticulous. I haven’t really seen this side of you.
“Why?”
“Because it’s important to know the dates of the start and the end of a relationship. Right now we are on our 453th day”
It still breaks me, but seeing how excited you seem, you must really like her..
“I see. So, hyung, what day are we on today?”
..but I still hope that you will look my way and be that much enthusiastic. Even for just a moment.
“What do you mean?”
“You said it’s important to know the start and end dates of a relationship, so you should know how long we have been friends right?”
You looked at me as if I’ve grown another head then you started laughing.
Perhaps it was just my wishful thinking that you would also be counting the days we have spent together. After all I knew you wouldn’t waste time on such trivial matters if it wasn’t important to you.
“Pabo. I didn’t have to count the days for that..”
If only my existence in your life was as important as hers. Then maybe… I stopped myself before I go on further down the road leading to delusions.
“..unless you’re planning on ending our friendship right now”
Somehow there was something in your eyes that I couldn’t quite decipher which made me want to question,
“What if I was planning on that, then you still wouldn't be able to tell me how long we’ve been friends right?”
“I’ll only tell you how long we’ve been friends if we’re not friends anymore.”
“Then, let’s not be friends right now.” I said, my curiosity getting the best of me.
“How exactly do you plan to do that? It takes 2 people to start a friendship and it would also take 2 to end one. I can only think of one reason for us to stop being friends right now and I’m not even sure if you’ll agree to it.”
“Tell me your reason first then I’ll decide”
I didn't expect for you to ride with my inquiries but you stood up from your seat then went right in front of me. I was startled when you came too close that I ended up taking a step backward only to be prevented by the shelf in your room. Both of us stood face to face and I can feel the heat rising in my face although I don’t know if you can see it within the small distance that separate us.
“Hyung, what are you--?”
“Do you really want to know?” You suddenly asked.
I nodded.
The next thing I remembered, I felt weak and then your free hand grabbed hold of my waist to steady me. Just then I realized. You were kissing me. Then you stopped. The hand that you used to cup my face was now resting between my neck and shoulder. Then you said,
“This is my reason. Now do you still want to be friends?”
There was a lot of processing happening in my head and it was like I was seeing you for the first time. Your face showed vulnerability like you were afraid that you’ve just broken something, your lips slightly parted, your posture seemed as though you’ve been struggling for a long time. And your eyes… I saw in your eyes what I thought I will never be able to see when you’re looking at me.
Am I dreaming?
Just then it occurred to me how foolish I’ve been and how much time I have wasted. If only I was a little braver then, I wouldn't have suffered so much. I was reminded of every hurt and pain I’ve inflicted to myself due to my own blindness.
“Wooyoung… Don’t cry.” I was too overwhelmed I didn’t even notice I was crying. You looked as if you were about to cry too. Although I still couldn't fully understand why you did what you did. And although every thing started because of a curious question meant to end as a joke, you showed me a small ray of hope. Even if this ends badly and you end up laughing or disgusted at me it didn't matter right now because I couldn’t control myself anymore.
“I’m S-“
I kissed you before you can even finish your sentence. It wasn’t as magical as I dreamed it to be. But it was the actual you that I’m kissing and that made all the difference.
When we paused for some air, you muttered something I didn’t quite get.
“What?”
“We’ve been friends for 1460 days, today was supposed to be our 1461st “
I was surprised that you actually counted but I'm more surprised that you're still in front of me.
“How long do you think our being ‘not friends’ will last?”
I asked half scared, half curious.
“As long as you don’t get tired of me loving you.”
You kissed me again.
Just like that our friendship ended.