But I shot a man in Reno ; Just to watch him die
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...right. Like reading that wasn't enough to make me give up on him. Gross. Ugh. He's totally changed. Or rather, gone back to the way he was before I met him. I'd like to say 'I don't know what I ever saw in him', but that wouldn't be true. While I was with him, I saw something in him. Something that made me fall deeper in love than I ever have before. No matter what, I'll never stop loving him. But do I want to be with him anymore? No.
....you know, actually writing that out is surprisingly comforting.
I really thought I wouldn't ever find anyone else. I felt so hopeless after him. Like the sun would never shine as brightly as it had again. But, you know...being with Tatsuha...it's really nice. I know I probably shouldn't be so trusting so soon, but it's a fault of mine, and I feel so comfortable with him. Like he'd never purposefully try to hurt me...
I want to get to know him better. I want to learn about who he was in the past, and who he is now. With Reno? I never did. I didn't ask questions. I might have wanted to, but I didn't feel comfortable with it. I think that's the biggest difference between the two. With Reno, every second I was with him, I was scared it'd be my last. With Tatsuha, I probably should have the same fears. But for some reason, I don't. I wonder why that is? I really don't know.
And you know what? Tatsuha was Reno's old roommate. He was in the room the first time I met Reno. I wonder now if maybe I was fated to have been with him since then, but screwed up somehow.
Bottom line being, I'll always love Reno, but I'm ready to move on forward with Tatsuha and never take one more glance behind me.